Fragmented Ideas
by Chilord
Summary: A variety incompleted story starts that will not likely be finished.
1. BtVS Echoes of the Fallen

Echoes of the Fallen- YAHF

Losing a bet to Willow, Xander was forced to dress up as a Jewish character for Halloween. She should have been more specific.

Xander Harris stared down at his arm, his face slack with shock as he slowly reached out, tracing his fingers along his right, inner forearm. Touching the faded inked of a tattoo that had been aged more than three times his own life span. The cold, messy numbers that marked an occupant of Auschwitz-Birkenau. The numbers that marked a man who had been one of the sonnderkommando, forced to help dispose of the slaughtered bodies of his fellow inmates.

Numbers so very much like the ones he'd seen once before, on the forearm of his best friend's grandfather. The look that had been on the man's face, the distant sadness, the numbed gaze. He hadn't recognized it as a boy, but now, as he looked into the mirror, he could see it there in his own eyes. The look of a man who's soul had died slightly because of the horrors he'd seen.

As he closed his eyes, he could remember the choking, consuming smell, haunting him. The looks of horror and fear that sparked in the children, and the souless resignation in the eyes of so many adults, flashed in front of his eyes. The feeling, of his own body consuming itself in hunger, drained and near broken from one of the worst places humanity had created.

He could feel the memories of hatred, fear, anger, pain, and such a myriad of emotions that he could never fully understand them. Mostly at himself, for escaping while others were left behind, to suffer even more. The fevered, soul binding pledge he'd made to himself, not to let it ever happen again, not if he had the power to prevent it. A guilt and pain that shaped everything he would be for decades to come.

Shaking his head softly, he could feel the memories of what happened next begin to form in his mind. Anya, the beautiful daughter, and the fire that had taken her life. Of the mob that had stopped him from saving her, and the first, explosive manifestation of what he was.

Max Eisenhart had died along with his daughter that day, when his wife had fled in terror at what he'd suddenly found himself capable of.

Erik Lensherr had risen for a time, searching through out Europe for his missing wife, desperate to find her. The same Erik that had met a man by the name of Charles, and engaged into a long philosophical debate. A debate each argued with a passion, not knowing the other was the same as they were.

Then, that time had passed, and Erik faded, to give way to the name by which he would be known, and feared by the world over Magneto.

Xander shook his head, to escape the fog of memories as he felt the tears streaming down his cheeks. A part of him, a part his true memories flashed with a glimmer as he recalled the words he'd read being said by the X-man Psylocke in the first issue of the second volume of the X-Men, "The sheer force of the man."

Not his physical strength, the strength of his mind, of his will. It almost threatened to overwhelm him as at the same time, he could feel it an odd comfort. Max Eisenhart had become a force that shook the very world itself. Ripples of his actions affecting in so many ways, both good and ill as he had struggled to walk the fine line between protecting his people, and becoming like the monsters he hated so. A difficult path he hadn't always been able to follow.

And now, the memories of a man who'd lived a life so far beyond his own running through his mind, Xander Harris stared at the cheaply painted magenta and purple helmet he'd worn only hours early and wondered. If a man as strong as Magneto could fall prey to becoming the thing he feared the most, what did that say about an ordinary boy like he was?

A sudden shot of anger raced through him, a burning, consuming then as he took the cardboard and tinfoil helmet, throwing it across the room with a silent scream as it struck a wall with a dull, near silent thud, the fell, listlessly to the floor.

How could he have done it? How could he have fallen so far? It ate at him, that gnawing realization that the man had betrayed himself and never saw it. Why?

Turning his head, he rose up from his bed, and quietly made his way to an wrinkled cardboard box seated near his decrepit bookshelf. Stacks of comics lay within, years of collecting, savoring the stories with Jessie, the tales they told of heroes, their adversaries and the forces they faced. Almost savagely he would rip through the stacks, searching, desperately until he found what was searching for.

The Age of Apocalypse.

Fingers dimly traced over the weathered cover as he shook his head, flipping through the pages as he fell quietly back down on his bed. A Magneto shaped by one last tragedy that had never happened in the main timeline. A Magneto who took up the dream of the friend that died in his arms at the hands of a time travelling madman who had come to kill Magneto himself.

A madman who was wiped from existence by killing his own father before he'd been born.

On that day, Magneto had changed, taking up the banner of Charles Xavier's dream. And in that reality, he had as Apocalypse had created concentration camps the likes of which staggered the one he'd endured in his youth. He'd risen up to become a hero, a beacon against the darkness of Apocalypse's madness.

That potential was always there. There had been glimpses of it, seen in the past he remembered. Times where he stood against the dark, stood with the heroes as they had been known. But, too often, that glowing spark of hope, had been crushed by the fear and stupidity of people who had more power than they should have.

Across the room, he could see a shining gleam of the busted padlock he'd picked up from where a vampire had ripped it from a door. Temptation lifted through him, as memories of a gesture, a pull, of tapping into a power that was more powerful than most ever realized. A temptation that he fought down with a rising swell of fear.

What if he couldn't do it? Or, more frightening to him, what if he could? What if, along with the memories, along with the tattoo, he'd been touched so deeply by the man, that he left everything behind?

Shaking his head, he tossed the comic in his hands aside, and closed his eyes. For a brief moment, he entered into a blissful nothingness. Then, the dreams began.

-Next Morning-

"Ugh," Xander groaned softly as he looked blearily up at the light streaming through the library windows, "Remind me again why I had to be here so damned early?"

"Because of last night maybe?" Buffy Summers suggested, a blonde brow arching up as she shrugged just a bit, fighting back a yawn, "You know, when you went all Big Baddie and tore apart the warehouse district?"

"That wasn't me!" he protested, hands held up, "That was Magneto!" he paused a moment, before suddenly grinning back at Buffy, "Or, are you saying that it was you that was running around, calling cars Demons and being about as useful as a sack of potatoes?"

"I'm gonna go with the Hey!" the Slayer glared back at her friend, sticking out her tongue playfully.

"As much as I'm sure this is quite the fascinating discussion," Rupert Giles spoke up as he walked up to the pair, "Buffy has already told me that her… occupation has had lingering effects on her."

"French test is in the bag," the girl nodded happily.

"Yes, well, that's well and good, but," Giles coughed softly before he turned his attention towards Xander, "I was curious to know if you too had noticed any lingering after effects? Considering what I've been told about the man who possessed you…"

While Giles left the words hanging, Xander took a slow, long moment to swallow, a chill running down his spine as he wordlessly pulled down the sleeve of his shirt, to reveal the faded tattoo, "Just… a few Giles."

"What is… Good Lord!" the British librarian paled slightly as he stared down at the faded numbers on the boy's arm, "Is that…?"

"Its… That's Magneto's Auschwitz tattoo, isn't it?" Willow Rosenburg squeaked quietly as she stared at her friend's arm, "I mean, its just like my grand father's! All faded and… Oh my god, oh my god…"

"Auschwitz…?" Buffy spoke up, the confusion written on her face as she stared at the extreme reactions of the others present.

"The concentration camp Buff," Xander answered her, his voice struggling to remain nonchalant, "During World War II, where, when Magneto was younger than us, was forced to be one of the sonnderkommando."

"Good Lord!" Giles slumped down in his chair, staring at the haunted look in the young man's eyes, "And… and you remember it?"

"All of it," Xander spoke so softly, "The smell most of all."

"Oh Xander…" Willow leapt up, quickly wrapping her friend in a tight hug.

"Um, could someone make with the explanations for Slay-girl here? Kinda clueless…" Buffy spoke up, her hand raising with her words, before visibly flinching back at the suddenly outraged glare Willow shot at her.

"Wow, easy there Wills," Xander reached up, putting his hand on her shoulder, "Not everyone has had a grandfather that survived, or is a historian type person like you and Giles…"

"But…" there was anger there in those eyes, as she looked back at Xander.

"Seriously, she doesn't know," he reassured her gently.

"I'm gonna guess its of the bad then?" Buffy offered, a slight hesitance in her words.

"Right then," Giles spoke up, his face drawn and pale, as he shakily put his hand on the back of a chair, "The sonnderkommando were Auschwitz prisoners that were forced to dispose of the bodies of their fellow prisoners who had died or been executed. The estimates by some reports, put the death toll for Auschwitz alone at over a million."

Paling herself now, Buffy turned her hazel eyes back to Xander, "And… you remember it?"

"All of it," Xander's voice came out in a half chuckled rasp, "I remember Auschwitz… I remember how he married and tried to put it behind him. I remember the joy he felt when he became a father for the first time.. I remember the fear, the pain, the rage that lead to him first manifesting his powers as he was forced to watch as building his infant daughter was in, was burned to the ground by a mob that forced him to watch…

"I remember the look of fear and horror on his wife's face when she realized what he'd done," he continued, his voice soft, subdued, " I remember how that look stabbed to the heart of him, ate at him, how she forsook him because he was different. I remember the years he spent wandering Europe, hoping, desperately to find her… I remember the friendship he formed with Charles Xavier, and how badly it hurt him to face off against his closest friend time and time again."

"Good Lord… I… Good Lord," Giles slumped into the chair, staring at the boy sitting before him, that remembered a life not his own. A life of pain and misery like nothing he could find himself imagining, "Xander…"

"Everything he did, he did because he wanted to protect his people," the boy spoke softly as he looked into each of his friend's eyes, one by one, "He did everything in his power to try and prevent them from learning the pain he'd learned. You have know idea the sheer strength he had… Not his powers, not his physical strength… But his will, who he was, he… Its frightening."

"Xander, I know it can be difficult to come to terms with what you've been through…." Giles watched as Buffy had moved next to the boy, hugging him along with Willow, "And I know having the memories of such a dangerous, powerful man can be traumatic…"

"You don't understand, Giles," he spoke up, his eyes shining with unshed tears as he met the Watcher's gaze, "He was so strong, stronger than any of us… Who he was, and he was determined to protect them all… All that strength, all those intentions and he STILL came so close to becoming what he hated, what had hurt him so badly. THAT'S what scares me."

The boy took a deep, shuddering breath before he looked across the table at the man, "If someone that strong fell to the darkside, what chance does a weak, ordinary kid like me have?"


	2. Naruto: Doing the Impossible

So many people think of Bondage Style as a crack fic... its really not. Its comedy, yeah, but not crack...

THIS is more of me writing crack.

"Well, if it isn't the Hidden Mist's Missing nin Momochi Zabuza..."

A pair of blue eyes blinked for a moment, before a blonde head canted lightly to the side as it looked up at a figure standing on the hilt of the massive sword embedded in the trunk of the tree, "Huh... Meh, Kisame's cooler."

There was a pause in the air, as five sets of eyes turned pointedly towards the blonde, the boy looking back at them with a shrug and a yawn, "What? Just stating a fact. Kisame's just a cooler missing Mist nin than Momo here," he jerked his thumb in said, lightly twitching nin's direction before yawning again, "Just like Itachi's a cooler Uchiha than our bastard Sasuke."

Kakashi almost fell over in shock at the bored words leaving the boy's mouth, as he idly wondered if the boy was TRYING to get himself killed, "Naruto..."

"Whaaaaa? You know I'm right!" the jounin twitched lightly at the casual response even he kept his eye trained on Zabuza, though, keeping a careful eye on the rapidly twitching Sasuke, "I mean, seriously! He's called little Zabuza for a reason!"

The missing nin in question almost fell off his sword at that last comment as he struggled to turn around, staring down at the boy with wide, incredulous eyes, "How the hell... WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU!?"

Everyone's stares were locked on the bored looking boy as he lightly dug his pinky into his ear, "Eh? I'm Naruto Uzumaki and don't forget it!"

"Naruto..." there was a sigh as Kakashi finally looked down at the boy, "This isn't an opponent you can beat, and its really not a good idea to keep antagonizing him."

"Meh," Naruto casually shrugged in response as he would idly wrap his fingers behind his neck, leaning back, "Nah, you want scary, you should see a PMSing Itachi."

There was more than a pause in the air then as both Kakashi and Zabuza finally fell to the ground simultaneously in shock, just before a monotone voice echoed through the air, "I heard that brat."

Instantly a pair of black eyes widened in recognition, before anger, boiled through them as Sasuke Uchiha began to stare wildly around the woods, searching for its source as a harsh, angry whisper erupted past his lips, "Itachi!"

"Heya Itachi-chan!" the blonde boy grinned widely, as he seemed to wave in a random direction in the woods, "I know you did, why do you think I said it!?"

Everyone's eyes follow the direction of the wave in disbelief, before a sudden flock of ravens erupted from the trees, then converged, into a single, blacked cloaked figure, staring back at them. A black cloaked figure, with a pair of cold, red eyes sharingan eyes before the cold monotone continued, "I would prefer... you stopped calling me that Naruto..."

"Hmmm..." immediately a look of deep thought crossed the blonde boy's face as he caught his chin between thumb and fingers and seemed to consider the idea for a long moment before looking back with a fox like grin, "Nope, sorry, definitely Itachi-chan!"

A sigh of resignation passed the young man's lips as he would half glare back at the boy, "Very well... you bring this on yourself..." Itachi stiffened slightly before looking directly into the boy's eyes, "Naruto-sama"

"Awwww, Dammit, I told you not to call me that!" a visible pout crossed the blonde boy's face as he crossed his arms about his chest, "I'm not the old man dammit!"

"...Are you as lost as I am?" Kakashi turned slightly, his eye meeting the confused look of Zabuza as the missing nin was staring in shock at the genin brat addressing a mass murderer, known as one of the most dangerous men alive, a prodigy who had apparently snapped and slaughtered almost his entire family, like he was an old friend or brother.

"More so I think," the silver haired jounin responded as he twitched lightly, "This is most... unexpected."

"Truce until we figure out what the hell's going on?" The missing nin offered.

"I think it might be best," the Leaf nin agreed with a slight nod of his head.

"That's gonna be a loooooooooong truce then little Zabuza," a third voice offered up with a chuckle, "I've been in the middle of it and I STILL don't know half of what's going on."

Both men's eyes widened as they twitched lightly then looked behind them, "Whaaaaaa? You thought the brat was just blowin smoke outta his ass?" both sets of eyes wandered up, to see the sharp, pointed grin of a towering figure standing over them, his face, shark like in appearance as he easily held a wrapped, massive blade over his shoulder, and Zabuza's own cleaver casually in his hand

Before either figure could respond, Naruto casually gave a half wave towards the figure, "Heya Kisa-chan! You should know by now they never believe me!"

The man only grinned wider in response and chuckled as he casually shoved his fellow missing nin's blade down into the ground before he walked past the stunned group, petting Zabuza lightly on the head as he went, "Yeah, yeah, Heya little Zabuza. Ya always end up in the most interesting of situations Naruto-kun."

"Heh, its a gift!" the blue eyed boy happily grinned in response as he leaned back wards, his arms held above his head, "Right Itachi-chan?"

"Indeed, Naruto-saaaaama," the slender man responded, his face carefully schooled to neutrality, despite the slight mocking tone to his words.

"ITACHI!!!!!" the almost jovial mood was interrupted, as Sasuke finally seemed to break free from the shock of seeing his brother again, his voice screaming, raw as he pulled out a kunai and started to race towards the figure.

At least, until he ran by Naruto and managed to trip over a suddenly extended foot and was sent sprawling face first into the ground, "And like I said... Itachi-chan's much cooler than the bastard here... In spite of everything."

"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura immediately rushed over to the dark haired boy, before glaring silently up at Naruto as she kneeled over her team mate as he pushed himself up to his feet.

"Whaaaaa? You'd rather I let him run head first at an S-class missing nin he has no hope of even coming close to defeating?" the blonde responded to her accusing glare, before looking over towards the trembling Tazuna, "Hey, old man, how much of that sake you got? I think I'm gonna need a drink in a sec."

Only, to immediately be smacked upside the head by Kisame as the still stunned Tazuna only stared back at him, "You're too young for sake brat."

"But Kisa-chaaaaaaaaan!" the boy half whined as he pouted once more, "Old enough to kill, old enough to drink!"

"Hey, you wanna end up like those two?" Kisame jerked his thumb in the direction of the still wide eyed Kakashi and Zabuza, "HAKU! Get your girlie ass out here! I know little Zabuza has ya hiding out here somewhere!"

There was a pause before a kimono clad figure, masked figure carefully stepped out from behind the tree, bowing its head reluctantly towards Kisame, "Kisame-sama..."

Naruto blinked a moment, looking incredulously from the new figure, and Kisame before suddenly beginning to laugh, loudly as he pointed a finger at the shark like man, and wordlessly continued to laugh. Grumbling softly, the blue skinned man merely smacked the boy, lightly behind his head once more before muttering, "Hush Naruto-kun."

"Hehehehe... Kisame-saaaaama?!" the boy merely chuckled as he accidentally found his foot landing on the back of the slowly rising Sasuke's head, shoving it back into the dirt, "Oops, sorry bastard, forgot you were there..."

"NARUTOOOOOOOO!" Instantly the pink haired girl stood up, clenching her fist as she glared at the boy.

"Hrm..." Instantly the boy narrowed his eyes as he studied the girl, catching his chin in another thinking pose before looking towards Itachi, "Nah, Itachi-chan PMSing is still scarier."

"Hrm..." Kisame copied Naruto's gesture, looking between the stoic man and the pink haired girl, "Gotta go with the brat on this one, pinkie here doesn't have a candle compared to a PMSing Itachi...

"At least I don't go on a sake and ice cream binge, Kisa-chan," the flat voice of Itachi countered, "Blubbering like a love sick school girl."

"Hey, leave the Rocky Road outta this!" The towering man almost whined as he glared back at Itachi, "It didn't do anything to you!"

"Ok, that's it," finally, Kakashi couldn't take it anymore, his eyes narrowing as he would look at the arguing group, "What the hell is going on?!"

"Eh, we're just here to keep Naruto-kun from causing too much trouble," The form of Kisame shrugged slightly before lightly ruffing the blonde's hair, "Otherwise, well..." The man shrugged helplessly, "Its not a good idea to let him get bored, really, REALLY not a good idea."

"What's so bad about the dead last...?" Sasuke's voice coughed up, as he glared up at Kisame, "He's an idiot."

"..." Kisame looked for a moment towards the downed Uchiha before carefully beginning to inch away from the boy, "Ya know, most people would take two of the most dangerous missing nin in the bingo book showing up to keep a brat out of trouble as a sign, there's something... to worry about."

"Kisa-chan," The words were soft as the blonde boy gave the shark faced man a pointed look and a shake of his head.

"Ah right..." there was a nervous chuckle escaping the swordman's lips as he scratched the back of his head before looking towards the masked nin, "Uh, so Haku! Why you two going after this old drunk?"

"Zabuza-sama has agreed to assasinate Tazuna-san for Gato-san," there was a chilly calm to the voice as the figure lightly canted its head to the side, "Though, Hakate-san seems to be opposed to the idea."

"Well, he was probably hired to protect the old fart," Kisame nodded before he pulled out a gourd and took a drink, "Mmm, this is gonna be interesting. So, old fart, you hired Naruto-kun's team?"

"Uh, yeah, though, didn't expect to get stuck with a buncha loud mouth brats, " the man nodded numbly as he shakily brought out another sake bottle and began to take a drink.

"Hmmm," Kisame immediately struck a thinking once more identical to the one Naruto had used earlier, "Help Naruto-kun or little Zabuza and Haku."

"Again... What the HELL is going on here?!" Kakashi spoke up once more, his eye twitching as his earlier question had apparently been ignored.

"Seems Kisame and the Uchiha have some kinda relationship to your student," Zabuza offered helpfully, "Kisame letting anyone call him Kisa-chan and live is down right scary."

"Naruto, explain to me what's going on," The silver haired jounin glared down at the blonde, arms crossed pointedly, "Now."

"Eh hehe... " the boy nervously scratched the back of his head, "Well ya see, its kinda sorta complicated..."

"Under fucking statement of the year," came the dead pan voice of Itachi as he walked over to stand next to the blonde, "Get up already Sasuke, and behave, you can try and kill me later when you're stronger."

"Oh, you're the person he wants to kill?" the blonde spoke up blandly, "Hrm... Sorry Sasuke, can't let ya do that."

"... you WHAT...?" the black eyed boy glared towards Naruto as he slowly pushed himself up to his feet, glaring between the young man and the boy.

"Can't let ya kill any of my precious people," the boy responded with a sage nod as he crossed his arms about his chest in finality.

"... your precious people?" there was a distinct sound of disbelief in Sasuke's voice as he just stared at his team mate.

"Oh yes Sasuke-kun," Itachi responded, his voice, suddenly coming to life a glint was seen in his eyes, "I belong to Naruto-sama, mind, body, heart and soul..." he leaned in, whispering down into Sasuke's ear, loud enough for both the boy's team mate's to hear, "I'm utterly, and completely Devoted to his happiness... and satisfaction!"

Sakura's eyes widened as the mental image came unbidden into her mind, leaving a slow trail of drool to form against the corner of her mouth as a slight trickle of blood began to form beneath her nose. Her inner voice, practically drooled all over herself as immediately, various images of the three males in front of her, in a variety of different stages of undress. As her face flushed crimson, her mind, finally couldn't take anymore before she promptly fainted backwards in a boneless heap.

"That was mean Itachi-chan," Naruto glared towards the dark haired young man, before he couldn't keep his grin down, "But really funny... though, I think you traumatized the bastard again..."

"Mmm?" Itachi canted his head towards Naruto, before looking back down at where Sasuke stood, shock still, staring forward into nothing, "Oh, um, oops?"

Naruto almost giggled as the fake look of apology on Itachi's face before he walked over, and simply stuck a stick of pocky into the taller Uchiha's mouth, "Right, behave yourself Itachi-chan," the boy said as he stood on his tip toes and petted the young man atop his head before looking at him sternly, "Or I'll put you on a no pocky diet!"

A whimper escaped the missing-nin's lips before he stared at the boy with wide eyes, "No, not that, pleeeeeeeease!"

Light, slowly returned to Sasuke's eyes as he looked to see his brother, his cold, monster of a brother, whimpering like a frightened puppy in front of his dead last teammate, who was in turn, petting the bane of his existence like a favorite pet, "What, the, hell, is going on?"

"Errr... well you see..." Naruto scratched the back of his head again before looking at Kisame then Itachi, "Kisa-chan, Itachi-chan, you better explain it, I don't think they'll believe me..."

As attention began to focus on the pair mentioned, Naruto was quietly sneaking his way over towards the stationary masked ninja, until he brought himself right up to the figure and grinned a happy grin at it, "So, Haku right?"

***

"Well? Explain already!" Sasuke glared, helpless frustration in his eyes as he stared at his parent's murderer, just a few feet away, and yet, so far beyond reach, "Not that you'll likely tell us the truth."

"Eh, lets see," Kisame again adopted the thinking pose as it were, before giving off a simple, savage grin at the rest of the group, "Just so you know, what we're about to tell you, is considered an SS-Class secret in Leaf..." he trailed off a bit, making a shooing motion at Tazuna, "So, no civies... and telling anyone without Naruto-kun's or the Hokage's permission... Wouldn't be pleasant."

"What, you, you expect us to believe a couple of missing nins, including one from Kiri, are working for the Hokage?" there was a scoff from Sasuke as the dark-haired boy glared back at the shark man, even as the bridge builder nervously made his way towards the path ahead of them, out of ear shot.

"Nope, we don't," he paused a moment before glancing at Itachi, "Well, I don't, can't speak for sunshine over there."

"Sorry, SS-class secret, you understand," the man shrugged helplessly as he would idly pull out a box of pocky from his cloak, sticking a second stick in his mouth to go with the first before he offered the box to his brother without even looking.

"Right," Kakashi responded flatly, even Sasuke unconsciously took one of the sticks of pocky and stuck it into his mouth, before the box shifted and was offered around, "So, why aren't you shooing Zabuza off then?"

"Easy," Kisame took one of the sticks of pocky, popping it into his mouth as he responded, "I know he's smart enough to realize just what'll happen to him if he starts to blab."

The two masked men, couldn't help but twitch, nervously as they looked at one another, then down at the box of pocky offered to them before their eyes went questioningly towards Itachi.

"Itachi-chan's being nice," Kisame explain, as his own pocky stick shifted against his lips, "Trust me, you want to take the pocky..." he gave them a meaningful look, "Trust Me."

Zabuza quickly grabbed a stick at Kisame's insistence before pulling down his mask to lightly pop it into his mouth with a grateful nod. One thing he'd learned over the years, was when someone you knew could kill you in a heartbeat was putting that particular kind of emphasis on being polite, you did it. Especially when it was Kisame telling him to play nice with another S-ranked missing nin.

Kakashi however, was looking at the box with a single, skeptical eye before looking back towards Itachi's eyes. Itachi's rapidly narrowing full sharingan eyes, that seemed to almost glow. Quickly settling on a course of action, his fingers almost flew through the air, snagging a stick of the sweet treat before nodding gratefully.

When Itachi's eyes only narrowed further, Kakashi was put in a predicament, he was reasonably sure that the reason for that particular glare, came from the fact that he hadn't stuck it in his mouth like everyone else. Which in turn, put him into a further spot, not even the threat of death or a night with Anko Mitarashi, brought about the removal of his mask. So, he did the only think he could, shoving the coated biscuit stick directly through his mask, and into his mouth as he gave Itachi as best of a smile as he could.

Apparently satisfied, Itachi nodded before putting the box back into his cloak. For a moment, there was nothing but silence, fallen heavy on the air as the man munched, happily away at his pocky, before he noticed the looks in his direction, "What?"

"So, secret, what's going on, S-class secrets and what not?" Zabuza offered lightly as his pocky stick twitched in his mouth, "Ring a bell?"

"Oh, I thought you were going to tell them?" Itachi arched a brow towards Kisame as Sasuke twitched next to him.

"Hey, its Leaf secret, I was Mist, remember?" the swordsman responded defensively, "That means its your secret to blab."

"Fine," Itachi sighed softly before he shifted a bit, before he took adopted Naruto's thinking pose, causing both Kakashi and Sasuke to twitch lightly before he continued, "Well, to start off with, I had a really, really shitty father."

Kakashi and Zabuza both could feel a trickle of sweat crawl down the sides of the heads as they both stared at Itachi as he continued, ignoring the intensifying glare that grew on Sasuke's face as he chomped away at the pocky stick, "He treated me like a weapon, treated Sasuke here like a worthless piece of trash because he wasn't a perfect little tool for him to use as he saw fit, and, of course there was that whole, treason to take over Leaf village in a particularly bloody manner."

"WHAT?!" Sasuke's eyes widened in shock as he stared at his brother, an image flashing in his eyes, the various little hidden meetings his father held at their house, some of the veiled words, and looks his father shared with his brother, and the look of fear in his mother's eyes.

"I've seen war, I got through the academy at the age I did because of war, otherwise I would've just far closer to a regular ninja kid than I was," Itachi shrugged lightly, "But, dear father figured I was the perfect tool. ANBU Captain and what not," He pause a moment at that, before canting his head curiously towards Kakashi, "Did you ever get your record back by the way?"

Kakashi blinked a moment, before merely smiling back towards Itachi with his eye closed in answer.

"Good good, I'll have to see about breaking it again, for old times sake," the young man paused a moment, pulling out another pocky stick apparently out of nowhere and munching on it as a look of concentration passed his eyes, "Now where was I?"

"Perfect tool, ANBU Captain, treason, other bad things?" Kisame offered blandly.

"Ah, right right, thanks Kisa-chan!" the man responded with an almost frightening cheerfulness in his formerly monotone voice as he continued the morbid subject, "Well as it happened, I got the lovely position of being a double agent. I fed information about the planned treason back to the Hokage, his advisors and a certain ex-shinobi named Danzo. Of whom, everyone but the Hokage wanted to just go ahead and start killing off the entire clan. Hokage-sama tried to reason with the clan, tried to find a way for everyone to get along."

There was a pause before the man blandly continued, "He failed."

"And you killed your clan," Zabuza concluded with a shrug, "Eh, happens."

Sasuke looked incredulously at the missing nin's nonchalant response, "It happens?!"

"Look kid, in Mist, the way our academy used to work, was you were partnered up with another kid, spent all your time together, training, living, sharing the good times and the bad," Kisame responded with a half yawn, "Practically family," he smirked then before locking his eyes with the younger Uchiha as he continued, "Then came graduation day, you either killed your partner, or they killed you. At least, until that brat's class."

The dark haired boy arched a brow as he followed Kisame's thumb to Zabuza, "So?"

"I killed them," the man shrugged a bit before he grinned around the remainder of the pocky stick, "Class of 100, and I killed every single other person in it. After me, they decided it might be a better idea to change things, heh."

Sasuke couldn't help but pale as he stared at the man talking about the massacre of a group of children, as a child, with an almost, fondness, "You... just killed them... all of them?" he looked then, to his teacher, looking wide eyed, hoping that he'd tell him that the man was lying.

Kakashi only winced slightly and nodded as Kisame spoke up, "Yup, he did, definitely changed things up in Mist, and what got him first noticed by the swordsmen. But, anyway, we're getting off point, Itachi?"

"Mmm?" the man in question looked up from where he'd been popping another stick of pocky into his mouth, "Did you say something Kisa-chan?"

Feeling a sense of familiar deja vu, Kakashi eyed the twitching Kisame lightly, "Uh, you're not going to start going on about eternal rivals and the flames of youth are you?"

"..." Kisame's twitching only increased as he shifted his eyes towards Kakashi, "If you start comparing me to HIM, I WILL hurt you. I still owe that bastard for the kick he gave me."

"Just checking," Kakashi responded with relieved cheer as he finally pulled out his book and started reading, "Whenever you're ready to continue Itachi-san."

"Mmm, Lets see... I was given the order to slaughter them all, went and recruited Madara to help me, killed everyone but Sasuke here, made a deal with the Hokage to spare him in return for losing my status in Konoha," the elder Uchiha paused a moment, considering with a finger tapping on his chin, "Oh, and I made Sasuke hate me so he'd come and kill me eventually and be strong enough to restore the honor of the Uchiha clan, rebuilding them as the protectors of the Leaf instead of the arrogant self centered pieces of shit we became."

Sasuke merely stared at his older brother in response.

"What?" the older Uchiha responded, raising an eyebrow down at his brother, "Didn't you find it the least bit odd, that I said you weren't worth the trouble to kill because you were too weak, when all the other children were killed?"

"All right, so we'll just leave it as we believe you for now until we can talk to the Hokage," Kakashi quickly spoke up, raising his hands carefully, "That still doesn't explain how you know Naruto."

"Oh that?" Itachi shruged a bit and munched on his pocky happily, "He turned us into his pets."

The resulting crash of bodies falling to the ground sent a small cloud of dust rising into the damp air. Three sets of eyes stared in disbelief at the missing nin munching so happily away at the pocky, while the swordsman chuckled again, "Perhaps, it would be best if you dropped the genjutsu Itachi-chan?"

"Mmm? Fine, fine..." he munched on another of the sticks of pocky before looking at the wide eyed nins on the ground around them, "Remember, S-class secret, get handed over to Ibiki and Anko, etc etc etc."

With that, the man, raised his fingers up, and gave a simple, soft syllable, "Kai."

Sasuke, and Zabuza both simply stared at the pair, unable to comprehend what was going on, as Kakashi spoke up carefully, "Well... that's interesting."

***

"So, Haku, right?"

"Yes," the figured nodded with a bow as it stood impassively in front of the boy in its kimono.

"Um, you mind taking off your mask?" Naruto blinked a moment as he canted his head to the side, "I'm sure its cool and what not for battle and all, but its kinda freaky to have a conversation with, ya know?"

"I'm not sure that would be appropriate... Naruto-san was it?" the figure responded easily enough.

"Eh, you're not gonna end up killing the old drunk, so might as well," the boy shrugged slightly, "You think Zabuza's dumb enough to go up against Kisame, with or without Itachi?"

Slowly the figure shook its head but still made no move to remove its mask, staying silent as it merely looked back at the boy.

"Huh, gonna play it that way huh?" the boy grinned back at the figure before threading his fingers together and stretching his arms out, popping his knuckles in the process, "Take... THIS!"

And with that, suddenly five shadow clones appeared, grabbing hold of the masked ninja before it could get away. As a moment of panic settled into Haku's chest, the next wave of the assault began, as the shadow clones began their attack. Tickling the figure all over.

"Haha! The dreaded Uzumaki Tickle attack!" The boy stood triumphantly over the figure, "Ready to take your mask off yet?"

The figure shook its head, struggling against the laughter trying to burst past its lips as the fingers worked against the silk over its body, before finally, a giggling laugh erupted out of its mouth as it convulsed with laughter, quietly begging, "S-s-stop! P-pl-please!"

"Ready to take off your mask?" the boy grinned back as he watched the tickling.

"Y-y-ye-yes!" the figure stuttered, laughing even harder as the clones kept up their relentless assault.

"Ok, but you better keep up your side of the deal!" And with that the two clones holding onto Haku's arms vanished into smoke.

"Fine, Naruto-san," the ninja responded with a heavy breath before reaching up, pulling the mask from its face to reveal a pale, tear streaked face with delicate, feminine feature, and a definite pout to its lips, "Happy?"

"Yup!" the boy grinned back, "No fun to talk to a mask like that."

Haku sighed softly, but continued to pout back at Naruto, "So, how do you know Kisame-sama?"

"Eh, Kisa-chan?" the boy shrugged slightly before grinning, "Long story."

"How do you get away with calling Kisame-sama that?" Haku asked, clearly perplexed as those dark eyes blinked at the boy, "It just... doesn't seem like something he'd allow."

"Eheh," the boy grinned a bit sheepishly, "Part of that long story... Lets just say... Itachi-chan took me out of the village for a while once, and we ended up meeting Kisa-chan."

"... You're an odd boy, you know that?"

"Yeah, but I protect my precious people!" the boy grinned back, "Nobody's gonna hurt my Kisa-chan, or my Itachi-chan, or any others I care about!"

Haku smiled softly at that, "They mean a lot to you, don't they?"

"Yup," the boy paused a moment, before squinting at Haku, "So, you a boy or a girl?"

The figure blushed softly, pouting in the process, "... I'm a boy."

"Really? Huh," Naruto shrugged slightly before petting the dark haired boy atop his head, "Well you're a pretty boy at least, I know a lot of girls like that."

"Thank you... I think?" the boy giggled a bit as he would look back at Naruto, "Do you know what they're talking about over there?"

"Probably Itachi and me," the boy shrugged slightly, "I wonder how many times they'll make Kakashi-sensei and Zabuza fall over."

"Zabuza-sama does not just fall over!" Haku responded with a pout.

"He did earlier."

"... He must've slipped."


	3. Naruto: Fox Whispers

Just thinking about an alt history fic idea... Idea starts as Naruto's plunging to his certain death after Jiraiya throws him off the cliff.

"Go away."

The words rumbled softly through the air, hissing with an angry menace from the cold depths of shadow that bled out from behind cold steel bars. There was a shift with them, a form, vaguely seen in the darkness, moving ever so slightly and indistinct before fading again. But, before those shadows, blue eyes looked on, unflinching as wild spikes of sunny blonde hair stood out against the muted grays of the prison around him.

"You... you're the Kyuubi, aren't you..." the words were hesitant at first, a tinge of fear hinting at a depth of conflicting emotions that seemed through every part of his body.

"Go. Away," the words were thick, cold and apathetic as they echoed through the air, pulsing against the cold, uncaring stone that represented the prison.

"I come all this way, and that's all you have to say?!" there was a tick of irritation pulsing through the boy's eyes as his eye twitched slightly, "Not gonna try and kill me, not gonna even threaten me?"

A heavy silence was his only response, the mass of shadows shifting softly, in response, but nothing more.

"I'm talking to you stupid fox!" The irritation was blossoming into anger, pouring through his lips as he growled out a response, "I've put up with the shit that comes with keeping you around long enough! Its time you start paying some rent for it!"

"...No," the word was simple and soft, laced with a cold apathy as the body just continued to softly shift, breathing slowly, softly in and out in the only sign of life.

"No?! We're falling down a ravine, to our deaths unless you give me some of your stupid red chakra, and you say NO!?" the boy growled, his eyes flashing as he grabbed hold of the bars and gripped tight, almost pushing his face into the cell as he yelled at the figure, "Do you want to die?!"

Again, there was nothing but silence in response, the massive figure just continuing to breath, in and out in that slow, steady manner. His eye twitching again, the boy growled as he began to bang, loudly against the bars. Voice exploding past his lips, he glared at the form, "HEY! Its bad enough I gotta put up with this shit from the village! I didn't ask that bastard Hokage to trap you in here with me, but right now I need some of that damned red chakra of yours, so hand some over or I'm gonna come in there and drag it out of you!"

There was flinch, visibly quivering through the firm in the middle of the boy's rant, before finally a single crimson eye could be seen narrowly opening. Shining dully in the shadows, a growl began to slowly echo off the walls, surrounding the boy as he could feel a wave of anger pulsing through the air. It pressed against him, a heavy weight of fear, digging icy grips into his chest , threatening to force him back, away and to his knees as the voice spoke, "Shut up and let me die in peace."

"Oh hell no!" the boy shouted back, fighting off that wave that threatened to paralyze him, to drive him to his knees, "NOT GONNA HAPPEN! Either give me some of that red stuff, or I'm gonna stay with you for eternity! If we die like this, I'm gonna drag you down to hell with me and never let you get a moment's peace!"

"Brat," the word was spat as if the vilest insult it could muster, a cold acidic word that ate at him as that sliver of shadowed crimson somehow narrowed even further, "Fine, get out of here and leave me in peace."


	4. BtVS: Darkness Calling

Fragments: Darkness Calling

Disclaimer: Darkstalkers belongs to Capcom, Buffy to Joss Whedon/the Networks

Author's Notes: Gaaaah it wouldn't leave me alone. It's pointless, silly, and pretty much crap, but hey, it wouldn't leave me alone.

*-*-*

"So, this is where you came to hide," the voice was a silken purr as the shadows around the room darkened and pooled into a feminine silhouette, "My, quite the step down from back home, isn't it?"

Xander Harris groaned softly as he pinched the bridge of his nose, before he spoke, "What do you want Morrigan?"

"What, I can't visit my little brother, who everyone thought was dead, but has been actually hiding out, pretending to be a mortal on the Hellmouth?" the shape responded, until the shadows bleed away, revealing the curvaceous form of a woman, dressed in clinging purple pants and half buttoned white blouse.

Xander studied the emerald eyed, and emerald haired woman in front of him for a moment before grunting just a bit, "Preferably? No."

"Really, Alexander, I'm hurt!" the woman pouted as she casually slipped over and flopped down onto the shoddy excuse for a mattress he called a bed, making a face at him as she shifted uncomfortably, "And, how can you possibly live like this?"

"Shouldn't you be running around Makai?" the boy countered with a glare, "Or, ya know, RUNNING Makai?"

"Meh," the woman responded with a dismissive wave of her wrist, "Too boring. I mean, it's so much more fun to find a good fight. Though, since you left, that have been so disappointingly few."

"So glad to know I was missed," he countered sarcastically, "So, again, what the hell do you want, Morrigan?"

"I was curious," the woman casually purred, her body stretching out in a graceful, sensual manner, "What the big bad Hellmouth opening up, and then, I suddenly sense a flare of an oh so familiar energy and it goes shut. I come out here to investigate, and I find such an INTERESTING situation."

She paused a moment, her eyes fluttering open before she affixed Xander with a feline smirk, "Does she know what you did to her?"

"Does who know what?" Xander responded, his face blank as he stared down at the woman.

"The former Slayer of course!" Morrigan laughed a low, throaty thing, "Does what you did to her? Does she know, she's even less human that she was? Does she know, she's not even a Slayer anymore?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," he snapped back, "We have The, one and only, Slayer here," he paused a moment before shrugging slightly, "Well we did until she went to visit her father in LA."

"Oh, please!" the woman laughed softly before fixing him with a look, "You know as well as I do, that when a Slayer dies, they don't come back. That nasty little parasite rips their souls right out of their bodies when it leaves."

"I was asleep Morrigan," the boy immediately shook his head, "I only gave her CPR… then the opening of the Hellmouth woke me up."

"Oh, foolish, foolish little brother, is that what you think?" Morrigan slid up, wrapping her arms around his neck as her lips brushed above her ear, "Consciously or not… you brought her back. You made her one of us. A Slayer, who was made a Darkstalker… Oh the outrage you'll cause when Makai finds out."

He pulled away from her, standing as his eyes suddenly burned crimson, his fingers clenching as he fixed her with a hard glare, "I want nothing to do with Makai , and I want nothing to do with the rest of the Dark. And I will NOT let Makai come for my friends."

"Oh, my sweet, sweet little brother," Morrigan giggled softly as she lounged back, "I wonder if father knew how his little joke, would become so true. A prince of Makai fighting to protect humanity. What will they say, when they figure out your true nature hmm? How will your little pet, react when she learns what you did to her?"

"She won't," he said it simply and softly, his eyes locked onto hers, "She has a hard enough life ahead of her as is."

"Oh, but how long until she notices she's not getting any older hmm?" Morrigan stood up, draping an arm around his shoulder, whispering again into her ear, "How long, until she starts to manifest, hmm? You think here, you'll be able to keep her sealed up? Leaking just enough to mimic those pathetic little Slayer powers hmm? Fighting all these wretched little excuses for vampires?"

"What're you planning?" he turned, locking his eyes with hers as he would reach up, fingers slipping about her wrists and slowly pulling her from the grip she held on his body.

"Why, to have some FUN of course, my dear little brother!" she let off a throaty laugh before pulling back, winking at her as her hair faded from emerald to blonde, eyes dancing as her face youthened until she looked no older than he, "You have until your new school year starts to explain yourself to her and them little brother."

"And if I don't?" he already knew the answer, it was laughing in her eyes as he clenched his fingers tightly against his palms.

"My dear Alexander," she grinned, wickedly at her brother with a wink, "Why, then I get to have the fun of telling them all your dirty little secrets," she paused, laughing happily as the shadows melted back across her body, "See you at school, little brother!"

"Well, crap," Xander pinched the bridge of his nose, "I am so fucking screwed."

"Yes," Morrigan's voice floated about the room, "But, you're making things so very enjoyable for your big sister."

As her laughter faded from the room, Xander flopped down onto the bed and grumbled slightly, "Fuck. Better find Buffy then."

*-*-*

As the sun fell over her body, Buffy Summers relaxed back in the her lounge chair next to the glittering surface of the pool. Her eyes closed, she shifted and relaxed against that gentle warmth, enjoying the peace and quiet. At least, she was until a familiar voice broke through her reverie.

"Hey, how come you don't wear that suit back in Sunnyhell?" the half grin practically bouncing out of the voice.

Her eyes snapping open in a quick series of confused blinks, she turned her head to stare at the boy standing there, "Xander?! What… how did you get here? Why are you here?! And quite drooling over me!"

"Magic, kinda a long story, and no chance in hell," he shot back, chuckling a bit as he winked at her, his thumbs hooking into the belt loops of a pair of black slacks, and an untucked, sky blue dress shirt.

"And, what're you wearing?" she paused a moment, looking him up and down, "Did Willow finally burn your collection of Hawaiian shirts? Wait… Magic?"

"Well, it's complicated," the boy admitted before gesturing to the chair next to her, "Mind if I take a seat?"

Carefully, she gave a short nod of her head, eying his warily, "Though, I expect an explanation on the breaking and entering, because, I know my dad's not here to let you in."

As he sat, he released a slow, deep breath ignoring her question as he shifted nervously in the seat, "Ok, I've got good news, and bad new. The good news, I'm hoping will keep you from killing me when you get the bad news."

"Xander…" the voice was warning, an edge of worried fear in it, "What did you do?"

"Saved your life?" he put forth, gingerly.

"Well, yeah, with the CPR and what not," she shrugged a bit, "I already knew this. You're acting like you did something horrible and evil."

"Well, you see…" he winced quietly, "CPR couldn't save you. The Slayer spirit that inhabited you? When it goes, it rips the soul out of the body it was in while it moves to its next host. Nasty little thing really."

"Uh, you're not making sense Xan," she responded, staring at him as she looked him up and then down, "Still Slay-gal here, and I'm pretty sure I still have my soul."

"You're not The Slayer, or even A Slayer," he corrected quietly, "And yeah, you do have your soul… you're just… not human anymore."

"That's funny," Buffy paused, slowly focusing her attention fully onto her friend, "I thought for a second you said something that sounded suspiciously like I'm not human."

"Well, you, um, aren't," he responded, shifting nervously in his chair as he watched the tension starting to build inside of her body.

"And, if I'm not human anymore, what, exactly, am I?" her brow rose archly on her forehead as she stared hard at him.

"Errr… You mean, other than giving me the distinct impression you're thinking about making a Xander shaped hole in the ground?" he asked nervously shifting on his seat.

"Yes, other than planning on making a Xander shaped hold on the ground," she shot back, emphasizing the planning part of her sentence.

"You're a Darkstalker," he supplied, slowly and carefully watching her reaction, "A souled, generally human looking creature, of great power…"

"I see," she looked at him again, studying him before rolling her eyes slightly, "And how did you reach this conclusion?"

"Because, to save your life, I made you one," he paused a moment, looking nervous as his eyes glanced around the yard, "And I got found out."

She actually laughed then, shaking her head as she watched his face, "Seriously, you almost had me for a moment there, Xander. But, next time you're trying to fool someone? Don't pretend you have some uber mystic powers."

The look on his face stopped her cold however, before she paled slightly, "Come on Xan, since when do you have mystic powers?!"

"Since a long time ago," he admitted quietly, "I sealed myself, who I was, my memories, my powers… to have a nice, quiet life as a human. Until the Master had to go and wake me up with his release and opening up the Hellmouth."

"Ok, so what, you're one of these dark-stocking things?" she was slowly starting to inch, tenser and tenser as she watched him, eyes regarding him warily, "Why're you telling me all this now then? Why not before I left?"

"Well, I was rather hoping to never tell you," he responded with a slight shrug of his shoulders, "Let you live on, thinking you were the Slayer, me, going back to sleep, thinking I was human. Unfortunately, I don't have a choice in the matter anymore."

"Uh… Huh, and why not?"

"Because, my sister found me," he grunted slightly, twitching just a bit, "And she was bored."

"Sister?" she paused, blinking a bit, "You have a Sister?"

"Older sister, yeah," he winced a bit, "You'll meet her when school starts up. She's transferring in."

"How much older is she?" there was a flash of suspicion on those shining eyes.

"Than me?" he paused a moment, pursing his lips as he thought back, "Mmm, about 20 years or so."

"And how old are you?" she asked flatly, glaring at her friend.

"Um," he paused, lightly pushing his chair a bit further away from her, "Can I plead the fifth on that one?"

"How, OLD?" she was growling now, her eyes flickering slightly brighter as he could feel her power pulsing beneath the seals he'd placed on her.

"I'm still quite young for my kind, thank you very much," he huffed slightly, before slumping back, "Around 300, give or take a few decades."

"You're older than ANGEL?!" she stared at him incredulously.

"But, younger than Darla or the Master were," he offered helpfully, "Seriously, I was quite happy to be an ignorant mortal guy, completely ordinary, but Nooooo, that damned pathetic excuse for a vampire just HAD to go and force open the Hellmouth. Do you know how much of pain it was to close that thing up and make it coincide with his death?"

"YOU closed up the Hellmouth?!" she just stared at him, for a long moment, "Ok, seriously, you expect me to believe all this?"

"What, you thought a tear in the fabric between dimensions just repaired itself?" He rolled his eyes slightly before shrugging just a bit, "Right, yeah… I guess I'm gonna have to step things up a notch?"

"Xander…" she was growling now, sitting up, then standing as she loomed over him, "This is…"

What ever else she was about to say was cut off, as the boy in front of her gestured slightly with the back of his hand, and suddenly she could feel a wave of dizziness washing over her. Suddenly there was a new weight on her head, and at her back as she shifted suddenly felt things she never had before. Eyes widening she quickly looked over her shoulder and stared at the sight of the black and purple bat wings jutting sleekly from her back.

"That's how you look when you're unsealed now," Xander said softly, sighing a bit as he leaned back in his chair, "Believe me Buff, I never wanted you to go through this, I really didn't."

"You… turned me into a demon?!" her eyes flashed in anger as her wings spread reflexively outwards, her eyes boiling with anger as she stared at him.

"Darkstalker," he paused a moment, then flinched a bit before burying his face in his hands, his words barely murmured out as they reached her ears, "Succubus to be precise."

"... You…" she twitched, her eyes burning, "You turned me into a damned sex DEMON?!"

"Why is it, people never fucking listen?" Xander sighed softly before glaring back at Buffy as he stood up, his eyes suddenly flashing red as his own wings flowed from his back, spread wide as he glared at his friend, "While I was trying to save your life, because hey, the parasitic little piece of demon shit that is the Slayer spirit was ripping your soul of your body, killing you, I used powers I wasn't aware I had. You lived, you're no longer the damned Slayer, and you still have your soul."

He paused a moment, before glaring even harder at her, "You are NOT a demon. Now SIT DOWN and I will TRY to explain this to you."

The newly revealed succubus stared at the boy glaring down at her before dropping back down on her chair and pouting softly, "Dammit, this sucks!"

"No shit," he groused as he would slump down himself, "And I am sorry about turning you into a Darkstalker, I really am. But, I kinda prefer having you around, as to, well, not," he paused a moment, visibly looking her up and down with a grin, "Plus, you really do make one good looking succubus."

"Xander..." she tried to glare over the blush that rose to her cheeks, before crossing her arms about her chest and sighing, "Ok, you realize how much this is to suddenly dump on someone?!"

"Mhm," he nodded quietly as he looked at her with those crimson eyes, "I'm aware of it, yes, though, one upside to being a succubus."

"I get demony guys drooling even more after me?" she offered sarcastically as she sent him a flat look.

"Nope," he grinned slightly, "You get a great meal from a good fight."

"But, I thought," she blinked a moment, blushing brightly as she looked away, squirming uncomfortably, "That, you know..."

"Perfectly capable of feeding that way, the mundane way, etc etc etc," he grinned back at her, "I just figured you might enjoy more the getting it while beating the crap out of demons, but, if you want to go the other way, I'd be happy to help."

The lavicious wink he sent her made her blush even brighter, before looking up at him, frowning slightly, "So when I woke up in the cave, feeling stronger than I had before..."

"I had to give you a good sized chunk of my power," he paused stretching out his wings a moment before they shrank back into his body, "Fortunately, open Hellmouth? Bad for keeping yourself all sealed up tight and human. Good for replenishing lost power reserves."

"How do I get rid of these things?" she grumbled softly gesturing to her wings with a sour look on her face.

"Hm? Oh, just will them away and you should be good," he paused a moment, "Though, first thing I'll have to teach you, is power suppression. Can't have anyone figuring out what happened to you."

"Why not?" she shrugged just a bit, "I mean, hello? Not the Slayer anymore, at least from what you tell me."

"Well, lets see," he paused, his voice dripping with sarcasm as he continued, "Maybe because that would mean the idiots at the Watcher's council, among others would do their damnest to try and have you killed?"

"Mmm, not to mention all the people that would want to kill you for being little Alexander's pet," a feminine voice drawled from the side, drawing both sets of eyes to rather amused looking Morrigan in a somewhat conservative, emerald bikini, "He might not look like it, but he picked up quite the list of enemies over the centuries."

"Most of them your exes, if you'll recall," Xander shot back, grumbling slightly, "Buff, Morrigan. Annoying older sister, ex-Slayer. I thought you were giving me end of the summer holiday?"

"Wait... " Buffy paused, her eyes narrowing into dangerous slits as she interrupted them, "PET?!"

"I lied," the emerald eyed succubus replied sweetly as she grinned back at her brother, "I do, do that. You should know that better than anyone by now."

"Yes, I really should," he agreed, rubbing his eyes slowly, "Sadly, I have this thing called hope, that you'll eventually remember I've treated you with more respect than anyone in Makai put together, and start treating me the same."

"But, where would the fun be in that?" she countered playfully, winking at him before she dipped her toe into the pool, "Oooh, nice."

"Helloooo?!" Buffy twitched slightly, her eyes beginning to glow just a bit as she glared directly at Xander, "Again, PET?!"

"Well, you are his creation," Morrigan supplied easily enough, "And really my dear," she casually leaned down, whispering into the blonde girl's ear, "There are far, far worse to be than the pet of the Prince of Makai."

"PRINCE?!" she stared at the now incredibly uncomfortable Xander who was shrugging back at her, refusing to meet his eyes, "Xander's a PRINCE?!"

"That is generally the title given to the person second in line to a throne when they're male, yes," Morrigan supplied, "Of course, almost everyone back home thinks he's dead."

"Which took quite a good bit of planning and work to pull off," Xander continued, twitching slightly, "If it wouldn't be such a pain in the ass, I'd resurrect that vampire myself, just so I could dust him all in new, and humiliatingly painful ways."

"But he was responsible for this LOVELY family reunion!" Morrigan grinned broadly back at the boy before settling in next to Buffy, "And really, you KNOW you missed me!"

"Only in the sense of wondering why I felt like my life wasn't anywhere near as annoying as it should be," Xander supplied, sighing again as he cupped his face in his hand, "Gah, how'm I gonna explain you to Willow?"

"Your favorite cousin?" Morrigan offered helpfully, her eyes twinkling with mirth, "The one shining point in your bleak and abysmal excuse for a mortal family?"

"She already knows I don't have any shining points in the collection of bums, alcoholics and pan handlers that I call my family," Xander shot back, before pausing, "Hey Buff, think she'd believe she'd traumatized me so much, I suppressed the memory of her existence?"

"I'd believe it," the blonde responded as she eyed the currently viridian tressed woman next to her, "I already want to suppress all this."

"Mmm, oh, relax darling!" Morrigan laughed softly, "I'm going to have sooooo much fun with you!"

"Why do I NOT like the sound of that, Xander?" Buffy asked, slowly trying to inch away from the boy's sister.

"Because, you're smarter than the average blonde?" Xander responded with a slight quirk to his lips, "But, really, she is the best person to teach you about your new body..." he paused, slowly running his eyes up and down her form, "Not that I wouldn't mind teaching you how to properly appreciate what you've got..."

"XANDER!"

"Sadly though," Morrigan cut the petite girl off before she could continue, "He is right. While his powers are similar to yours, you really are best learning from another succubus."

"And don't worry," Xander continued, "As much as she plays around, my sister is firmly rooted in her interest in guys," he paused a moment, twitching slightly as he did so, "She has the list of ex boyfriends to prove it."

"Again, as noted previously," the emerald eyed succubus drawled, "Most of them on his list of enemies."

"Most?" Buffy asked mildly, her brow arching curiously.

"There were the ones I killed myself," she admitted, "Really, there are somethings you just don't do to a lady."

"Still, there was that one that did get away," Xander responded casually, "That Irish drunkard."

"Well, he was human," Morrigan supplied, shrugging just a bit, "And he died in an alley a few weeks later."

"Still sets a bad precedent," Xander reflected, pursing his lips lightly, "Are they still telling tales of what I did to the one after him?"

"Only in the most horrifying sense," Morrigan responded with a shrug, "It does keep the more... squeamish ones at bay," she paused a moment, lightly tapping her lower lip, "At least, it did until you went and 'died' on me. I think they're finally convinced you aren't just laying in wait, waiting for them to let their guards down."

"Ok, just so you know, this is creepy," Buffy said firmly.


	5. BtVS JAPFXander Just another Poker Fic

Disclaimer: Buffy characters belong to Joss Whedon and Co; Morrigan Aensland belongs to Capcom; Castlevania to Konami; Disgaea characters belong to Nippon Ichi software; Hellsing belongs to Kouta Hirano.

Author's notes: Another silly little idea.... That seems to keep growing.

*-*-*

"So." A 14 year old boy with dark hair and dark eyes looked through the dimly lit smog that permeated the room, his lips curled down with a sigh of resignation. "Which one of you won Jesse's soul from him?"

"Eh? Another kid?" There was an audible blink as the assembled demons shifted slightly eyes of a variety of different hues looking over him. "Look, your friend lost his soul fair and square."

"I know," the boy grumbled softly as he would walk over to the table and take an empty seat. "He's like a brother, but he's none too bright." The kid shifted slightly, looking around, as he fought down the nervousness that threatened to bleed off his skin. "So, how's this work, just one hand for a soul, or you guys buy in with chips, to win it piece by piece."

"You know." The Vengeance Lord D'Hoffryn noted idly as he shuffled his chips. "Generally, history shows that people trying to win back people's souls is a rather Doomed enterprise."

"Gee, ya think?" the boy responded with a sarcastic snap. "But, hey, I figure, what the hell, if he's gonna be Damned, he might as well have some company."

"My, isn't he just the manly one." The full crimson lips of Morrigan Aensland parted, her eyes raking over the boy in front of her. "A regular diamond in the rough as it were." She paused chuckling softly. "You should walk away and leave it be little man. Your soul's worth far, far more than your friend's."

"Well, the way I see it," Xander Harris responded easily enough as he locked eyes with the woman. "If I walk away and don't do anything, I'm not really worth that much in the end."

"Ohohoh! You have fire in you little mortal, I the Dark Adonis-," a rather feminine looking male demon with an open jacket and a bare chest began before being cut off.

"Shut up, Vyers." A smirking figure decked out in red chuckled, from behind a pair of gold hued glasses. "Or, perhaps you'd prefer Midboss again?"

"Ohhoho! You wound me, my dear monsieur Alucard!" the slightly feminine demon gasped, as he spread his fingers across his chest. "To lay such a base slander against the Dark Adonis...!"

"Shut up, Midboss," Morrigan cut him off, before rolling her eyes as she gestured to him. "Sadly enough, he's the one that has your friend's soul."

"But if you want it, you have to play all of us," D'Hoffryn pointed out mildly. "Though, I'm sure we'll each be mmm happy to stake something of value equal to your soul."

"Hmhmhm..." Alucard grinned as he looked over the boy, his crimson eyes gleaming beneath his hat as he considered, before his grin split even wider. "I think... Yes... I'll buy in with my next fledgling." There was a glint in those eyes, a touch of madness perhaps to be seen. "She should be a lovely, proper monster."

"Well now, that's setting the value of the boy's soul quite high, now isn't it?" Morrigan observed with a slight, feline smirk of amusement. "Yes, quite the diamond in the rough indeed..." She paused, before grinning sweetly over at Alucard. "I suppose, to make things even, I'll buy in with Lilith."

A muffled squeak of protest could be heard somewhere in Morrigan's general vicinity, while Vyers nodded in acquiescence. "Hmhm, well now, you have both offered up most generous prizes, and I find my own stake in this wager a bit lacking."

"Hey!" Xander spoke up in protest. "That's Jesse's soul...!"

"And its value holds not a candle to your own, boy," Alucard spoke up, grinning broadly. "The soul of a boy who ventures into this den of monsters, knowing as you do what the price that you could be forced to pay. Willing to risk it all for your friend... Mmm... There is power in you boy, even if you don't realize it."

"Ah Ha!" Vyers suddenly spoke up, looking extremely pleased with himself. "I shall add to my wager... Access to the Dark Assembly!"

"Uh, ok..." Xander responded slowly, eying the odd looking demon as he settled into his seat, while he noticed the sudden gleam that flashed across D'Hoffryn's eyes.

"Well Now, THAT is interesting enough for me to buy my way into this game," D'Hoffryn responded with a slow grin on his lips. "So... I'll buy in with immunity to any wishes granted by my Justice-"

"Vengeance," Morrigan corrected with an amused smirk on her lips.

"Demons," the Lord of Vengeance finished, shooting the woman a mild glare as he huffed slightly.

"Well then, now that we've all bought in..." Alucard offered up with a grin, "Shall we play?"

-*-*-*-

"Dammit," Morrigan pouted softly as she leaned back in her chair. "I can't believe I'm out already."

"Ah, but sweet Morrigan," Vyers smiled back at her, his eyes twinkling eagerly. "Do not worry, I am sure your other half will go to a nice home!"

"Oh, shut up Mid-boss." The succubus grumbled slightly before leaning back, frowning as he glanced at the growing chip piles between Xander and Vyers. Standing up, she arched slowly, casually before walking around and draping herself against the human boy's shoulders.

"Um, could you not do that?" Xander asked hopefully, his face flushing slightly he could feel the warm touch of her soft flesh pressing against his own. "I am still playing you know."

"Yes, but you went and eliminated me." Morrigan purred back into his ear as she watched the cards being dealt out by a smirking Alucard. "That leaves me rather bored until the next game starts up. So, you get to keep me entertained."

"Great." The enthusiasm in his voice was simply dripping with sarcasm as he sighed slightly before leaning back and resting his head against Morrigan's chest. "Ah well, might as well enjoy it."

Blinking slightly in surprise for a moment, Morrigan then let out a soft, throaty laugh. "Oh yes, I do like you."

"Always happy to oblige," Xander quipped back with a slightly lopsided grin on his lips.

-*-*-*-

"Noooo! How can I, the Dark Adonis, fall?!" Vyers' moan rose through the air as he stared at his empty pile of chips, before flopping back in his seat.

"Oh, shut up Mid-boss." D'Hoffryn snapped, grumbling slightly at his own empty pile. "We both lost, show a little dignity."

"It looks like it's just you and me now, boy." Alucard grinned wickedly at the boy sitting across from him, his fanged teeth almost glinting in the light.

"Uh, yeah," Xander agreed as he shifted in slight discomfort where he sat, with Morrigan now happily occupying his lap. "I don't suppose you could convince her to get off?"

"Not a chance, Little Diamond." The No Life King leered back, as he began to deal.

"What, don't you love me anymore, Diamond?" Morrigan pouted slightly as she turned wide, almost glistening green eyes onto the boy.

"Gah! But… But… I didn't love you to begin with!" Xander immediately protested.

"Oh." Morrgain paused a moment, her eyes immediately becoming half lidded as she leaned in, and casually murmured into his ear. "Don't worry, you will."

Xander gulped, audibly as he stared at the succubus a moment, before picking up his cards with trembling hands.

-*-*-*-

"Well, congratulations, Little Diamond." Alucard was chuckling as he nodded his head in amusement. "You've completed your little quest to save your foolish friend's soul."

Xander breathed out a sigh of relief as he slumped back in his chair, while Morrigan cooed lightly into his ear. "Mmm now, as for your reward…"

"Um, seriously, I just want Jesse's soul." Xander gulped deeply, before pausing a moment and looking at D'Hoffryn. "And that immunity from Vengeance Demon wishes, that sounds like it'd be handy."

"Oh, but my dear boy, you won our bets fair and square!" Vyers argued immediately in protest, smiling magnanimously at him. "They are yours!"

"Mhm… Absolutely," Morrigan agreed as she wiggled just right against Xander's lap. "We gambled, we lost. You've won more than any mortal has in quite a long, long time. You wouldn't want to be rude and refuse your winnings, now would you?"

"But, I um… erk…" Xander flushed brightly as he couldn't quite meet Morrigan's eyes. "How about, you, um… Keep my winnings safe until I need them?"

"I think our Little Diamond is trying to deny what he's earned." Alucard spoke up, his eyes dancing with amusement. "More and more your worth grows in our eyes."

"Bah, speak for yourself." D'Hoffryn grumbled softly as he glared mildly at the red dressed man. "Some of us think he's a fool for trying to refuse more power."

"To each their own, my dear D'Hoffryn!" Vyers declared happily before shrugging slightly as his eyes twinkled merrily. "It will be yours whenever you want it, young Alexander. When you're ready, I will show you how to use it."

"Mmm, such a pity." Morrigan's voice was a silken purr in his ear as he could feel her fingers wandering along his body. "Lilith was so looking forward… to getting to know her new 'Master.'"

Xander gulped audibly before managing to almost squeak out, "Can I get up now?"

"Oh, I was fairly certain you'd been 'Up' for quite some time now…" Morrigan purred back to the boy before letting off a throaty chuckle as his face flushed even brighter than it had before. Lightly patting his cheek, she slowly, arched up, and drew herself off his lap before leaning in and whispering against his ear. "Just remember, the offer stands."

"So, um, my, erm, friend's soul?" Xander asked, his face still flushed as he looked at Vyers, before pausing and looking at D'Hoffryn. "And that protection?"

"Your friend's soul has already been restored my dear boy!" Vyer's chuckled as he would take a sweeping bow. "For the Dark Adonis always follows through with his deals!"

"Ugh, enough with the melodramatics!" D'Hoffryn twitched slightly before nodding at the boy. "It's already done."

"Well, it's been fun and all, but…" Xander nodded nervously to the rest of the players and slipped back out.

"Such a shame." Morrigan sighed softly, before her lips curled into a wistful smile. "Ah well, wouldn't my retainers be outraged to learn a part of me is owned by a mortal boy?"

"Indeed." Alucard chuckled softly before looking back at his fellow players. "But, I have the feeling that we might just see our Little Diamond again some day… Soon enough, he won't be able to ignore what goes on around him, and when he does… he'll be back."

-Over a year later-

Xander Harris stalked silently into the room, his eyes flinty and hard as he slipped into an empty chair and dropped a broken pool cue down onto the table. "What'll this buy me in for?"

"Well now, welcome back, Little Diamond." Alucard grinned eagerly as he reached out across the table, picking up the cue in a white gloved hand before examining it slowly. A moment later he let out a slow whistle of appreciation. "Well now, the weapon used to dust the body of the one you cared for enough to wager your own soul to save his. There is power in this, but you knew that, didn't you, boy?"

Morrigan wordlessly shifted her chair up, next to the boy's, running her fingers through his hair a moment, before she whispered two words into his ear and moved back. "I'm sorry."

Xander merely nodded, his hand catching Morrigan's own for some reason he couldn't fathom, giving it a light squeeze as he looked back at Alucard. "Yup, but I want nothing to do with it."

With a nod, Alucard drew out a healthy stack of chips then slide them across the table to Xander. "Then, you've bought yourself into the game."

Turning his head, Xander nodded wordlessly to an oddly subdued Vyers, and a slightly respectful looking D'Hoffryn, before he spoke up, "So, what're we playing for?"

And with that, the game began.

-*-*-*-

"Alucard… Might I ask why there's a broken pool cue hanging on the wall?" a distinguished looking butler asked after entering into the No Life King's room.

"I bought it of course, Angel of Death." Alucard's smile was more wistful, and a touch proud as he looked at the item in question, than his usual maniacal grin.

"Then I am to take there's something special about it?" A slight grin curled upon the man's face as he studied the creature before him, amusement and curiosity in his eyes.

"Oh yes." Alucard agreed, still smiling as he reached out, running a white gloved hand along its length. "There is always power in a weapon wielded by a true knight, a true crusader. Especially when it's used to dispatch the body of one whom he willing wagered his own soul for."

"Ah, is this someone Sir Integra would be interested in recruiting?" the butler asked neutrally.

Alucard leaned back and laughed at that, the sound, rippling across the air before he turned and smiled, his familiar smile at the man, "Oh, Walter… Now that would be a meeting I would love to see… But, only if my Master could see Little Diamond as he truly is, instead of the rough he hides in. The rough, she would dismissive out of turn, as nothing worth her time, but…"

Walter arched a brow, questioningly at the creature before him, before offering a slight, dry smile. "Found yourself a diamond in the rough? I never though you one to be so poetic."

"He was born on a mouth of Hell, Angel of Death," Alucard stated with a grin. "And yet, at just 14 years of age, he knowingly walked into a den of monsters to wager his own soul to win back his friend's." He paused a moment, his grin growing even more as he watched the look of comprehension blossoming on Walter's face. "And what's more… he comprehended just what it was he was doing. He KNEW what he was wagering, what he was facing. Yet, there he was."

"If he was but a boy…" Walter, began, before frowning slightly and sighing as he remembered just what it was he himself was doing at that age. "I suppose I'm hardly one to make comments about what little boys should and shouldn't be capable of, am I?"

"Most definitely not," Alucard agreed with a quick nod of his head and a wink. "Still, I'm not sure how my Master would react to knowing that this boy owns a part of the heir of Makai."

"… Dear lord," Walter muttered for a moment, before snapping back to his usual calm demeanor. "Might I ask how all this is possible?"

"Yes, well, you see…" Alucard was strangely nervous for a moment as he winced slightly. "There's a rather regular poker night we hold on that mouth of Hell."

"I see…" The man arched a brow slightly as comprehension dawned on his features. "What did you lose, Alucard?"

"I may have… misplaced my gun." The being responded hedgingly, his eyes nervously flickering back to the man.

"Oh, Alucard…" Walter sighed softly and shook his head. "I suppose you want me to replace it and not tell Sir Integra?"

"That, and not tell her that I lost her too," he admitted, smiling innocently at the butler.

"Ah yes, I can see how that would…" The Englishman blinked a moment, then blinked again as he rewound Alucard's statement in his head. His voice suddenly steeling, he looked at the creature in red across from him as he ground his continued response. "You bet Sir Integra in a poker game… and LOST?"

"No," Alucard responded with a devilish grin. "But, I thought I'd give you a good idea about how bad it COULD have been."

"You, are a scoundrel." Walter responded with tight lips as he struggled to hide his relief and the small hint of humor that blossomed inside of him.

"Yes, yes… So, my gun?"

-*-*-*-

"Heya," Xander greeted Buffy Summers and Willow Rosenberg with a nod and a slight smile as he slid down into his chair.

"Hey Xander, where were you last night?" Buffy asked up, a playful grin on her lips. "You missed out on a great time at the Bronze."

"Poker Night," he responded neutrally as he settled back into his seat and yawned slightly.

"Poker Night?" Willowed frowned as she sent back her question.

"Poker Night," he affirmed and lightly rubbed his eyes. "Was kinda fun once things got started."

"Gambling's illegal Xander!" Willow said with a look of disapproval.

"We don't play for money." Xander's lips quirked slightly as he grinned just a bit. "Though, I might see if I could get Al to part with some next time."

"You play poker with a guy named Al?" Buffy asked with her brow lifted curiously.

"Yup, Al, Morrigan, Hoff, and Vyers." He agreed, slurring Morrigan just slightly so it sounded far closer to Morgan than what it truly was.

"I don't recognize those names." Willow frowned slightly as she looked at Xander carefully.

"Yeah, they don't go to school here." Again, not a lie as he smiled at them, shrugging just a bit. "I met them over a year ago through Jessie."

"Oh." At the mention of their friend's name, Willow immediately sobered up and nodded hesitantly. "Okay."

Nodding Xander smiled slightly to himself before settling in for another long, and rather boring lecture.

-*-*-*-

"Stupid giant praying mantis demonesses." Xander was grumbling softly as he slid into his seat, twitching slightly as he nodded around the table.

"Why, Xander… I could have helped you with that pesky… Virgin problem of yours, and it never would have happened." Morrigan purred slightly as she winked at him from her seat next to him.

"You know, it's bad enough that I have Lilith sneaking into my bedroom at night and trying to seduce me." Xander grumbled slightly as he settled back. "Am I going to go through this every Poker Night?"

"Only until you give in." Morrigan admitted with a grin on her lips. "After that, it depends on how good you were and how much potential you have."

"Fine, how much will you give me in exchange for one night, no soul sucking or mind messing involved?" Xander countered in resignation. As he casually watched her, letting a slight smirk grow on his lips.

"You're learning, Little Diamond." Alucard said in approval, his eyes gleaming happily as he watched Morrigan give him a healthy stake of chips.

"What do these chips represent anyway when we're not playing for specific things?" Xander asked curiously as he would lightly look around the room.

"Why, mana of course my dear boy!" Vyer's spoke up happily. "What all creatures accumulate whenever they kill something else!"

"Anything? Including vampires?" There was a speculative look in Xander's eyes as he looked over the chips.

"Yes, however…" D'Hoffryn spoke up a look of amusement on his twisted face, "The amount of mana represented in your current chips, is worth the destruction of thousands of freshly born vampires. The stronger the creature, the more mana killing them lets you gain…"

"And mana's what gives you your powers, huh?" Xander finished with a slight look of amusement on his lips.

"More… empowers what we already have, allows us to do certain… other things," Alucard corrected with a grin. "Things, like the creation of minions to do your bidding and fight by your side."

"Huh…" Xander shrugged slightly after a moment then nodded. "Cool, I'll keep that in mind."

"That's what I like about you kid." D'Hoffryn smirked as he shuffled the cards. "You know when to let go."

"Well, I did some here to play poker." He pointed out the obvious to the demon lord with a slight grin. "Anything else, that's just secondary."

"Of course, Little Diamond, of course." Alucard spoke up, grinning wickedly in delight as he waited for D'Hoffryn to deal.

-*-*-*-

Xander whistled happily as he ambled down the hallways of Sunnydale High, his dark eyes shining with a brimming confidence that seemed to scream out every pore. Eyes twinkling slightly, he would even dare to bring his eyes to those of Cordelia Chase, his smile slipping into a bemused little smirk. When she caught his glance, she immediately scowled back at him.

"What do you think you're looking at, dweeb?" The venomed words spat past her lips as she glared angrily back at him.

"Sure you want me to answer that question, Cordy?" He almost lazily drawled out his response, a brow quirking slightly as he threw in the little overly familiar nickname. "You probably wouldn't like the answer."

"What, suddenly grew a spine and decided to act like you have a pair, Harris?" Cordelia snorted softly as she lifted her chin, looking so dismissively across his form. "You can't even dress yourself, and you suddenly think you're up to handling me?"

Her eyes began to burn when his first response was a deep laugh of amusement before he spoke. "Handle you? Cordy, sweetheart, I know you think you're some kind of shark in the grand ocean that's Sunnydale High." He rolled his eyes at that, the sarcasm rolling in thick waves past his lips. "But, seriously? You're just a fish in a pond. Not even a lake, a little, small, probably stagnant, pond."

He shook his head, chuckling still as he watched her flush and growl, her eyes starting to burn directly into him as he brushed it off as if it were nothing. "It's funny really, I used to think you were this beautiful, desirable girl... an absolute bitch who dresses like she wants to be a high priced hooker, but still, a beautiful one. Kinda a queen of the prostitutes I suppose." Lightly tapping his lower lip, he considered her for a moment, watching as her face seemed to turn one shade then the next. "But then, seriously? I woke up. I realized that the world you live in? It's pathetic."

Turning, he looked around, gesturing casually to the suddenly staring crowds of students all around them. "The only power you have? It's what they give you. What you trick out of them, bully out of them, tease out of them. It's not your power, it's theirs, given, rather foolishly I'd say, to you." Turning, he casually started to whistle again as he once more strode through the hall, before he cast a look back over his shoulder. "Me? I've seen real power, and I can tell you Cordy, you don't have it."

With that, he simply left a steaming, gaping Cordelia Chase struggling to regain her composure as the boy made it to the end of the hall before calling back. "Oh, you can go ahead and say something now, I'm sure your 'devoted' subjects are eager to hear what you might have to say."

As he listened to her wordless shriek escalating through the air behind him, Xander again let off a slow, happy whistle as he made his way to class.

-*-*-*-

"G-man!" A happy grin on his face, Xander almost burst into the library as he slide across the floor, coming to a stop a few feet past the entrance.

"Xander!" The British man sighed in frustration as he glared back at the boy. "Must you..."

"I must!" The teen agreed with a broad, carefree smile. "It is utterly essential that I do!"

"And why, exactly, is it essential?" Giles pulled his glasses from his face as he carefully pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Because it keeps me amused!" Xander grinned back at the man. "And tell me, G-man, do you REALLY want to see me bored?"

Giles opened his mouth to respond, before he studied the broadly grinning teen in front of him and his shoulders slumped in defeat. "No, I honestly don't believe I do."

"See? That high brow British education is good for something after all!" Chuckling casually, Xander jumped up and plopped himself down on the edge of a table. "So, what's the situation at Hellmouth High central?"

"It's rather quiet at the moment, thankfully." Giles responded as he looked the boy over. "Isn't there somewhere you should be?"

"What can I say?" Xander shrugged slightly and grinned at the man. "I'm in an extraordinary mood today."

"Yes, well, considering how your evening went..." Giles spoke up, a slightly bemused look on his face.

"Eh? Oh, you mean the bug lady?" Xander waved it off with a grin and a smile. "Nah, I got out of there in time for poker night."

"Oh?" Giles arched a brow slightly as he studied the teen in front of him. "Good night?"

"I cleaned up." Xander grinned back at him. "Probably the last time I will with them, all things considered, but still... Best of all, I don't have to worry about virgin hunting demons anymore!"

The librarian merely stared back at the teen for a long moment, before pinching the bridge of his nose once more and polishing his glasses. "Xander..."

"What?" The boy responded, an innocent smile on his lips. "Tell me, G-man, when was the last time you got laid?"

"Giles, do NOT answer that question!" Buffy's voice rang out as she entered the library just in time to catch Xander's question. "And I do NOT want to know how that even came up as a question you'd ask, Xander!"

"But, it's so much fun to tell!" Xander countered back, his face plastered with what Giles would describe best, as a cheeky grin.

"Cheeky bugger," the Brit muttered softly with a slight glare at the boy.

"Limey ponce," Xander shot back without missing a beat, almost laughing out loud as Giles' eyes almost bugged out of his face. "A couple of my poker buddies have spent a good bit of time in England, G-man. They've clued me in on a good bit of lingo an other things."

"So... I'm guessing the rumors about your little confrontation with Cordelia weren't that exagerated?" Buffy spoke up, eying Xander warily. "You do realize, most of the school can't decide if they want to hug you or hurt you, right?"

"Eh, they're sheep for the most part." Xander simply shrugged nonchalantly as he looked back at Buffy. "If they wanna be pissed I pointed out the truth to them, that's their fault."

Buffy stared at the boy for a long, long moment, before suddenly turning her attention to her Watcher. "Ok, Giles? Can we do a spell to see if something Hellmouthy is wrong with Xander?"

"I, ah, erm..." Giles twitched slightly as he would fluster in attempt to respond to Buffy's question.

"What G-man is trying to say, is that he has a good idea why I'm acting like I am." Xander smirked slightly before shrugging and leaning back. "I am no longer on the evil, virgin seeking demon menu."

"Wha… huh?" Buffy scrunched up her nose in confusion as she looked at Xander. "How?"

"…" Xander stared at Buffy for a long moment, his face blank before he twitched slightly and spoke. "Well Buff, it involves a guy and a woman, with a distinct lack of clothing, lots of sweating moaning and if it's good enough, a lot of prayer and obscenities."

"Oh… OH!" Buffy blushed brightly for a moment refusing to look at her friend before she fidgeted lightly. "How… where… when? But, last night when I left you were…!"

"My night improved dramatically after we parted ways." He smiled at her in a half masked grin while carefully examining his nails.

"Oh, I, uh… guess that's good…" Buffy admitted as she looked over the boy lounging back in front of her, uncertain if the sudden surge of emotion swelling in her chest was worry or jealousy, she paused a moment before looking at Giles. "That's good, isn't it?"

"Well, unless we were planning on using him as a virgin hunting demon detector, yes, that's good." Giles responded with a wry grin. "Though, we can no longer use him for certain rituals that require virgin sacrifices."

"Darn." Xander snapped his fingers as he gave a wistful sigh. "I was so looking forward to seeing Buffy in some night tight black leather."

"Xander!" The Slayer in question gasped in a slight bit of outrage as she blushed brightly, and eyed him carefully. "You were huh?"

"Well, that or latex," he admitted, grinning back at the girl. "I could never decide which, as long as it was black, tight, and shiny… well…"

Buffy blushed even brighter as she stared at her friend, "XANDER!"

"Buffy!" He countered in a milder tone.

"Xaaaaaaander!" She whined slightly, lightly slamming her foot on the library floor.

"Buffy, Buffy, Buffy…" Xander shook his head, meeting her eyes with a playful look of disapproval.

"Xaaa~"

"That's blood enough!" Giles cut them off, glaring at both of the teens. "If you're going to argue with one another, at least have the courtesy to use a language I can follow, like Sumerian!" He paused, before smirking slightly. "And wait for me to get the popcorn."

"Giles!" Buffy gasped in indignation as she glared at her Watcher.

"Buf-feh!" Xander intoned lecherously, his eyes twinkling as he gave her a wink.

"Gah, pervert!" the blonde shrieked slightly before suddenly blushing brightly and glaring at him.

"Ha! I win!" The crowing words left his lips even as he grinned triumphantly at the angry pout that blossomed on Buffy's lips.

"No fair, you cheated!"

"Hmph! I never cheat!" Angry indignation flashed in his eyes as he stood up, looming over the petite slayer. "Take that back!"

"Or else what?" Buffy challenged, her eyes defiant as she glared up at him, arms crossed about her chest.

"You sure you want to know?" Xander asked carefully, eyes dancing.

"Yes!"

"Absolutely, positively?"

"I do believe that's what YES means."

"You're quite certain about this?"

"I already said yes, Xander!"

Xander turned to Giles and shrugged apologetically. "Well, she asked for it." And with that, he suddenly whirled around, and swept the startled Slayer off her feet and kissed her hard for a long, drawn out moment.

"Ahem!" Giles coughed loudly, before repeating himself three more times before finally Xander pulled the Slayer up, her eyes glazed with a silly little smile on her lips.

"Mmm.. Strawberries." Xander licked his lips slightly before winking again at Giles. "Sorry, got caught up in the moment… Now… Toodles!" And with that, Xander turned and practically vanished out the library.

"Well, that was unexpected." Giles noted casually as he watched his still catatonic Slayer. "Bloody amusing though."

-*-*-*-

"Lilith," Xander called out quietly as he lay back on his bed, his eyes open and staring up at the ceiling. "Could you please ask Morrigan if she'd come here for a bit? I need to ask her something."

"Mmm… Why Xander," the petite little succubus purred into the boy's ear, her crimson eyes glittering playfully as she lay next to him. "If you wanted to have some fun, I'd be more than happy to… indulge you. No need to go drag Morrigan all that way."

He rolled his eyes slightly as his arm snaked down, and gave a playful smack to the Darkstalker's ass, eliciting a started eep of surprise from her as she looked at him with bright, eager eyes. "No, Lils. I need to actually TALK to her. I have no intention of doing anything else."

"Mmm, fine, but you owe me." She slowly arched back, stretching in a sensual arching of her back.

"No, technically I own you." Xander corrected with a slight little smile on his lips.

"Oh, finally figuring that out hm?" The lithe little creature grinned slightly and nodded before she suddenly vanished in a flash of bright, yellow light.

"What I'm wondering about." He sighed softly as he lightly closed his eyes, resting there on his best and waiting.

Sometime later, he wasn't sure when exactly, a familiar scent reached his nose, one that he could only truly describe as Desire, Battle, and Freedom. With a slightly amused smile curling on his lips, he spoke softly into the air without opening his eyes, "Hello Morrigan."

"You know, you really shouldn't just assume it's me." Her voice came back playfully as he could feel a weight settling atop him. "Not very safe."

"I didn't." He reached up, eyes still closed as she could feel his fingers tracing slowly along her back, caressing up, until he cupped against her cheek, softly stroking his thumb gently upon her face. "I knew it was you."

"Oh?" She let his touch wander with a familiarity that would have meant the death of most her cheek, nuzzling into his palm as she kissed it softly. "And how, hmm?"

"No one else, smells like you." He responded a slight smile on his lips for a moment, before it faded slightly. "What did you do to me, Morrigan?"

She tensed slightly at his question, but didn't draw away from his hand, as it kept stroking against her cheek. For a moment, she said nothing, her own eyes closing before with a sigh she slid down and rested her head against his chest as she spoke. "Something very selfish."

"Well, you are demoness." His voice was softly neutral, but still he didn't open his eyes, waiting for her to continue as he some how knew she would.

"I suppose I am," she admitted softly, before grinning slightly. "I wanted what I wanted. So, I went and did something selfish, and probably very, very foolish."

"That being?" Slowly he cracked open his eyes, and eyed her, a brow lightly arching on his features as he would reach down and slowly ran his fingers through her emerald hair.

"Oh, I bonded myself to you." Her response was so nonchalant that he almost missed how important that could be.

"Wait, bonded?" Those eyes widened slightly as he would give her a look, a light growl burning in the back of his throat. "What does that mean, Morrigan?"

Surprisingly enough, the succubus flinched back slightly as a wince rippled across her almost haughty features. "It means... well..." She paused a moment, struggling slightly as she hung her head, not quite looking at his eyes. "I'm hoping it's enough to keep them from ever trying to force me to take the throne."

"That answers a whole lot of nothing." Fingers slipped up, and he grabbed hold of her hair as he forced her eyes to his. "What does a succubus being bonded to a mortal MEAN, Morrigan?"

"It means, the person that isn't on the Dominant end of the link, is the pet of the one who is." She said it softly, quietly as she let him dig his fingers into her hair, and met his eyes with a slightly unreadable look.

"...You aren't on the Dominant end." Slow realization hit his eyes as he would study her carefully once more. "Why?"

She shrugged slightly, "I saw an out, I took it. I took a chance that you wouldn't take advantage of the situation."

"How the hell am I supposed to play poker with you now?" He half demanded as he glared at her slightly, before sighing just a bit. "So, that's why I've been acting like I've been acting? Why I kissed Buffy and left her... well..."

"Dazed and in need of a new set of panties?" Morrigan offered helpfully, a smoldering smile laced across her lips. "You might've inherited some of my... lack of inhibitions, and you probably have some subconscious access to certain... skills."

"What am I in for?" Again his voice was soft, slipping past his lips as he spoke, before looking firmly at the creature curled up on his chest.

"I honestly don't know," she admitted ruefully. "No Aensland has EVER put themselves in a submissive bond with a mortal. You should be honored."

"Joy." His face twisted slightly as he spat the word sourly before giving her a firm look. "Bad succubus, bad."

She arched back slowly, gracefully as she placed her hands on his chest and she looked down at him with hooded eyes. "Oh? Going to punish me, hmm?"

"Yeah." He smiled back slightly. "No sex for a week."

"Aww, being sent to my room without dinner?" She pouted softly before grinning once more and shrugging. "I suppose we'll have to find another player for the game."

"Don't forget, put up with Al's amusement." Xander pointed out before lightly brushing his fingers against her thigh. "So, how is this going to work?"

"Ugh, he's going to be impossible isn't he?" she sighed as she responded, before lightly flopping down onto his narrow bed next to him as her clothes morphed into a simple pair of rather sedate pajamas. "We need to get you a better place to live." She paused a moment before shifting slightly in the small space his bed allowed. "And a bigger bed."

"Why?" His brow arched slightly as he would look at her, his eyes glinting warily as leaned back against him.

"Forgotten that Al's next Dracullina is yours hmm?" She smirked slightly as she looked back at him. "And she won't be able to slip back to Makai with a thought like Lilith can." She leaned in then, grinning wickedly as she lightly suckled at his ear. "Plus, I do have SOME standards. Are you really content to stay so weak, in everything except your soul and your heart?"

"Yes, because I so want my friends, including the Slayer and her Watcher, to know that I regularly play poker with a Demon Lord, a No Life King, Succubus Royalty, and whatever the hell Vyers is?"

"I'm honestly not sure." Morrigan admitted as she leaned a bit closer against him. "He's a demon of SOME kind, but, we aren't sure what. He just showed up one day and bought in the game. Alucard seems to know something about him, but… You know him and secrets."

"He gets off on knowing things the rest of us don't." Xander nodded back before yawning a bit once more. "We'll talk more later, and figure out what to do, for now… I'm gonna get some sleep."

"All right, good night." She smiled sweetly at him, waiting until she was certain he was asleep before whispering against his ear. "Master."


	6. HP: Bella Tonks

Bella Tonks

Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters are the property of JK Rowling

Author's Notes: Eh, fudged the time line some, so Nymphadora Tonks is just a year younger.

"Avada Kedavra!" There was a flash of sickly green, as the sound of a body hit the floor. "Ah, and one less blood traitor in the world, would you agree, my dear Bellatrix?"

Stepping over the rapidly cooling body of James Potter, the man known as Voldemort offered a cold, twisted smile to the pale, but determined form of the newly widowed Lily Potter. Behind him, an eagerly grinning woman, almost a decade older than Lily followed the first man. Dark, wicked eyes gleamed with sadistic glee as she looked down at defiant woman.

"Yes, my Lord," the dark haired woman agreed eagerly, before her lips twisted down into a slow slight pout of disappointment. "But I didn't get to listen to him scream first."

"Plenty of that later, my dear." Voldemort spoke with a magnanimous gesture, his free hand sweeping back as he kept his wand leveled at the witch. "After we deal with the boy…"

Pausing a moment, he drew his lips back into a cold, thin smirk, eyes glinting in cool, sadistic delight. "I'm feeling generous tonight, little mudblood. All I'm interested in is the boy, in fact, I'll even leave you with enough to give the little halfblood and your blood traitor husband a proper burial."

"I'll Never Give you Harry!" Lily hissed her words out as she stood protectively over her son, wand gripped with white knuckles in her hand.

"And this, my dear Bellatrix, goes to show you, why we have to get rid of these filthy little creatures." The man sniffed disdainfully as he looked down at the defiant woman. "Give them a chance at mercy, and what do they do? They refuse it."

"Yes, My Lord!" Bellatrix hissed eagerly as slowly the baby began to cry out in his crib, while the elder witch thrust her twisting wand at Lily. "Shall I play with her some? Make her scream before she dies?"

"In a bit, my dear… in a bit." Voldemort paused, acting as if the furious, tear stained woman before him was nothing worth any consequence, "But first… Avada Kedavra!"

"NO!" That single word was screamed into the night, a defiance that sang with primal magics into the air. There was no spell, no incantation, no flick of her wand, only pure, wild magic responding to a single, selfless need: To keep her son safe.

In an instant a shout of triumph became a scream of surprise, of disbelief as a primal wave of magic erupted through the air. A life in its prime was freely offered up to the essence of magic itself, with only that one request. It tore through the body of the self styled Dark Lord, destroying his body, banishing away his soul before the disbelieving eyes of his most devoted follower. But the magic did not stop there, magic saturated the air, pulsing, screaming out as it churned around the crying boy.

Her lips drawn back into a disbelieving sneer, Bellatrix LeStrange Nee Black, approached the mewling child, his brow decorated in a single bloodied mark. Hissing more animal than human, she raised her wand and leveled it at the boy. It was then, as the boy released another keening wail into the air, that the magic reacted to his cry, and his mother's intent and struck.

A blinding light engulfed the room, and when it faded, the form of Bellatrix LeStrange no longer remained. Instead, squirming helplessly in the crib, a second, dark haired child cried in unison with the first. Each clinging slightly to the other as the boy's simple, instinctive urge to not be alone, and the raw magical energies in the air had reacted. It would be in this position, that Rubeus Hagrid discovered them both.

-o-o-

"Albus…" Minerva McGonagall's voice was soft as she looked over at the bearded wizard next to her. "I've heard…"

"It has been a most… eventful evening, Minerva." The Headmaster of Hogwarts spoke in a soft, subdued voice as he looked out across Privet drive. "Events of so many different kinds… Good, Ill, Unexplained, and even most Perplexing."

"Then, it's true that You-Know-Who is dead?" The stern woman's voice quavered slightly as she turned her head looking at the man next to her.

"Gone for the time, at a great cost, yes," Albus Dumbledore agreed, his eyes distant for a moment, before he continued in a soft, weighted tone. "James and Lily Potter were found dead at Godric's Hollow. Lily draped over her son's crib, Voldemort's body destroyed body a distance away."

Minerva gasped softly at the news, her eyes glistening immediately at the news of her former students' deaths. Forcing down the lump in her throat, she slowly dared her question. "And Harry?"

"He was found, safe, save for a wound on his brow," Dumbledore responded, his eyes growing distant for a moment before he continued. "But, it was most peculiar, he was found in his crib, next to another child, a girl, the same age as he is, with dark eyes and dark hair."

"The Potters only had one child!" The woman's voice immediately rose in surprised protest. "And I can't imagine either of them exposing another child to such danger…"

"Indeed," he immediately agreed. "However, the perplexing thing, were the empty robes, a woman's robes in fact, found on the scene. Along with the wand of one Bellatrix LeStrange. Yet, there was no sign of the woman herself, save…"

As the Headmaster's voice trailed off purposely, his eyes met her own as she gasped in surprise. "Surely you don't mean…"

"Yes, and no." Dumbledore responded, his words soft as the slipped past his lips. "Physically, she is Bellatrix. And yet, her mind is that of an innocent, a child no older than Harry himself. There is... something between them. Whatever was done, was pure, primal, unfocused. A wave that left nothing but muddied waters in its wake."

"What have you done with her?" There was a touch of uncertainty in the woman's voice as she eyed the man next to her with an uneasy wariness.

"She is being left in the care of someone suitable," Albus responded with a slight cryptic smile before he offered the woman a teasing wink, "Bellatrix Tonks has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"

"Oh, poor Andromeda." The woman struggled to keep her face straight at the irony of the situation. The cast out Black sister, raising her older, proper pureblood sister with her muggleborn husband. "I hear young Nymphadora is already quite the handful."

"I have every confidence that she can help to raise young Bellatrix to be an equal handful," the Headmaster held back a quirking smile from his lips as he responded airily.

"Are as certain that we should be leaving Harry here though?" The woman made a distinctly unpleasant face as she looked back across Privet Drive. "Those people... I've been watching them, Albus, they're the worse kind of muggles."

"They are the only family he has left, Minerva," the man chided softly, before pausing before he continued. "Would you rather cost him his chance at a normal life? In the wizarding world, they're already talking about proclaiming this to be 'Harry Potter' day."

"I know it's just… I watched their son, chasing and screaming at his mother, kicking at her down the street for sweets. I can't imagine the kind of life Harry might have."

"It is for the best, Minerva," Dumbledore responded with a soft, subdued voice as he lightly lay his hand on her shoulder. "It is for the best."

So, they stood there, talking quietly into the night, until the massive form of Rubeus Hagrid appeared, bearing two children in his massive arms. The boy, was left there, a letter on the basket in which he was lain. The girl, found herself taken to another home, presented to a bewildered couple with wide, disbelieving eyes.

It would be nearly ten years before the two again would meet.

-September 1st, 1991-

As Harry Potter walked down the length of the train, his eyes wide and bewildered as he still couldn't quite believe just how things had been panning out. Still, as he searched for a quiet, empty cabin to settle in, he felt a sudden, strangely familiar tug. A slight, gentle thing, it was more a feeling than anything, leading him to one of the compartments, where he shyly stuck his head inside and carefully looked about.

"Um, hi…" His voice was soft as he spoke, eyes still wide as he caught sight of a pair of girls, one his age, the other a good six years older. "Is… This compartment all spoken for? I, err…"

"Wotcher!" the elder girl spoke up, her eyes dancing playfully on her round, heart shaped face as her hair shifted to a brilliant bubblegum pink, "And nah, just me and the squirt here. Feel free to come in."

"Thanks." The boy smiled eagerly as he slipped into the compartment then collapsed on the seat. "Sorry, I'm still getting used to all this."

"Ah, muggleborn?" the younger girl asked, her dark eyes shining playfully before she stuck her hand out. "Bella Tonks, and the walking gumball next to me is my big sis, Nymphadora." Ignoring the glare her sister gave her the girl continued. "Just call her Nym. Or, Nymmie if you want to get on her nerves."

"Uh, not exactly, more… muggle raised I guess?" Harry responded with a slight shrug and a bit of a grin as he shook the girl's hand. "They tell me my mum and dad were magical, but, I never knew em. My name's Harry."

"Harry?" The girl dubbed Nym blinked a moment, before peering a bit closer at the boy before her eyes suddenly widened. "As in Harry Potter?"

"Uh, yeah…" The boy shifted slightly, obviously uncomfortable as he reached up, adjusting his cracked and damaged glasses. "Still getting used to all that…"

"Eh, don't worry about it." Bella spoke up, waving her hand dismissively with an impish grin on her lips. "Mum used to tell us about you, and your parents. Well, more your parents than you. No one would tell her what happened to you."

"She knew my parents?" Harry stared back at the girls, his eyes wide. "My aunt and uncle… They didn't really like them much."

"Don't see why not." Nym huffed slightly as she crossed her arms about her chest. "They were great to be around. Lotsa smiles and laughs, especially your dad." The girl paused a moment before looking down at Harry's face, her nose scrunching slightly. "Want me to fix up those glasses for you?"

"You can do that?" The boy's eyes grew even further before he quickly bobbed his head. "That'd be brilliant!'

"Eh, Nym's great at fixing things." Bella's lips quirked slightly before she leaned in, whispering against Harry's ear. "She has to be with how often she breaks em."

"Brat." The older sister grumbled slightly as she pulled out her wand, then made a slight flick and a gesture towards Harry's glasses, the cracked, taped up frames repairing instantly. "There you go!"

"Thanks." The boy smiled softly before he would look carefully at the older girl. "So, you knew my parents?"

"Mum's cousin was good friends with em, introduced us." The girl responded back, looking out the window for a moment. "They got along pretty well, probably considering how similar things were. Not too often that a pureblood marries a muggleborn."

"Dad's the muggleborn in our family, and he made sure we got great taste of it," Bella whispered conspiratorially to Harry. "He even got Mum addicted to going to the movies."

"Dad and your mum used to love to tease Mum and your dad about all the stuff they didn't know about the muggle world," Nym responded, before frowning slightly and shrugging. "At least, I think… Been a long, long time."

"Yeah yeah, we know Nymmie," Bella teased at her older sister. "You're positively ancient! I bet you're hiding your wrinkles and grey hairs under there!"

"Brat!" the girl responded before smirking as she shot her sister with a tickling hex. "You forgot, I can do magic here, which means I can hex you into next week!"

"Eeek!" Bella was giggling madly as she twitched and turned. "Nyyyyyymmmmmmie! Hehehe! Stop it!"

Harry watched the sisters with a smile of amusement on his lips as he leaned back against the seat. The laughter in their eyes and the smiles on their lips, it was a wondrous thing to him. Suddenly then, the door to the compartment flashed open and a pair of voices could be heard.

"TONKSIE!"

Cancelling the tickling hex on her sister, Nym looked up with an arch of her brow, as she beheld the red headed twins Harry had seen earlier that day, "Oi, what're you two trouble makers doing here?"

"What we can't-"

"-come and visit-"

"-our favorite-"

"Hufflepuff?" The twins shot back in a rapid back and forth succession.

"Harry, Bella, these two deliquents are the Weasley Twins, Fred and George," Nym said with a smirk. "The biggest trouble makers the school's known since the Marauders."

"Hallowed be-"

"-their names!" The twins responded reverently.

"Gred, Forge, this is my little sister Bella, and Harry." There was a sudden flash of red in the older girl's eyes as she glared down at the third year twins. "They're both off-limits."

"Well, we understand sweet, innocent, pure little Bella here…" one of the twins began, before giving the black haired girl a knowing wink. "But, what brings the out the legendary Tonks protective streak for this other ickle firstie. What do you think, Fred?"

"Well, it's a bit perplexing I'll admit," the second twin agreed, before blinking slightly. "Wait, I thought I was George? It's your day to be Fred."

"Is it? I can never quite remember honestly," the first twin admitted with a grin, before he leaned down, studying a nervous looking Harry. "Now, what do we have here, hmm? Black, messy hair, brilliant green eyes, glasses…Hmhmhm… Well, my good George, I do believe we have ourselves a bit of a…"

"Ahem." Nym coughed pointedly into her hand then glared at the two. "Harry's an old family friend. And my mother would be most displeased if anything happened to him."

Instantly the two pranksters paled, visibly , before they both immediately took to nodding their heads, speaking as one. "Whatever you say, Tonksie!"

"Nym just loves to boss people around for a change." Bella whispered to Harry as she snuck up next to him, her eyes glittering playfully as she pulled out her wand. "Watch this."

Her face scrunching up in concentration, the tip of her tongue poked out slightly from the corner of her mouth, the girl whispered something under her breath and gestured towards the twins with her wand. Instantly the two redheads were matching Nym's bright bubblegum pink hair color. Giggling softly, Bella winked at hair before quickly stowing her wand.

Nym's lips twitched slightly before she let off a soft giggle as she looked at the two third years. "That, and it's for your own protection really. Bella's a devious little brat."

"George, did we decide we were going to come as a matching set to Tonksie here?" One of the twins spoke up as he looked at his brother's head.

"No, Fred, I don't believe we did." George responded back, looking over his own brother. "Did you see her cast a spell?"

"Not a one," Fred responded with a sage nod of his head. "It would seem, we may have a protégé or two to work with this year."

"All we have to worry about is her ending up a snake," George agreed nodding his head.

"Indeed, then we'd REALLY be in trouble."

Bella simply smiled a brilliant, innocent little smile back at the two, while Harry grinned softly and spoke up. "So, um, what house are you two in?"

"Gryffindor!" They spoke in unison, grinning back at the boy before flopping down into the seat next to Nym. "What house does the ickle Tonksie think she's going to?"

"It's Bella," the girl shot back, lips quirking back into a slight smirk. "And probably Hufflepuff or Gryffindor. Can't see myself with my nose stuck in a book like a Ravenclaw, and no way I wanna be stuck in Slytherin with those stuck up ponces."

"Ah?" Harry blinked in surprise as he heard the vehemence in Bella's words.

"Don't mind Bella," Nym said with a wave of her hand. "She just had her first exposure to the Malfoys this summer."

"Ah." Harry nodded in understanding as he recalled his own brief encounter with a certain blonde boy.

"So, it's true then," a snide voice called out, and as if summoned by his name, Draco Malfoy filled the doorway in all his 11 year old glory, "Harry Potter has come to Hogwarts."

Glancing around the compartment, the boy sneered down at collection of people before him. "If I were you, Potter, I'd be more careful about the friends I made. Fools and poor blood traitors will…"

Whatever else the boy might've said, was cut off by four bursts of magic from four different wands. As he was thrown back across the hallway, Draco's hair turned a shocking neon pink, even brighter than that of the compartment's occupants while his robes changed color to match. A moment later, those robes shifted and shrank, suddenly appearing several sizes too small for the boy. The final bit, however, ended with his nose, mouth, and ears being replaced by those of a pig.

"Cousin," Nym's voice dripped coldly as she glared down at the boy, "You really do need to learn how to properly make friends. Now, run along."

As Draco scrambled off with wide eyes, Harry blinked in shock before staring at the girl. "He's your cousin?"

Nym and Bella both grimaced before replying simultaneously, "Unfortunately."

"I know the feeling," Harry responded as his thoughts drifted to Dudley and he shivered slightly.

-o-O-o-


	7. HP: My Little Rock 'N Roll Queen

My Little Rock 'N Roll Queen

Disclaimer: Harry Potter chars belong to JK Rowling

Author's notes: This is what happens when I get a bit of a song stuck in my head… it gives me ideas.

The game was in full swing. Dudley and his friends were fast on his heels, and despite the thickness of their girth, Harry Potter's under fed body was quickly losing what little lead he had on them. Finally, fear drove his desperation, and the young child darted into a nearby shop and almost collapsed, panting heavily as his wide, emerald eyes almost fluttered in exhaustion.

"Well now, what do we have here, hm?" an amused voice, drawled out as Harry suddenly found himself staring up at a tall, lean, almost gaunt man dressed in ragged jeans and weathered black shirt.

"S-s-sorry sir!" the boy managed to pant out, his eyes wide and frightened, as they darted out to the glass window in the door, where Dudley and his friends were glaring impotently at him.

"Ah, a bit on the run, eh?" Curious black eyes peered through the windows, before suddenly something flashed there that only the small pack of overweight bullies could see. That something sent them stumbling away before the man glanced down at the boy and sent him a playful wink. "There now, all better. I remember the days when I'd have a of jealous wankers like that running after me… Though, I'll admit, you're a bit younger than I was to be stealin' those blokes' birds."

Harry blushed brightly before he quickly shook his head, small drops of glinting sweat flashing through the air. "No sir! I didn't, I mean, I couldn't… I… They just like to chase me, sir. My cousin…"

"Relax kid," the man responded soothingly as he lightly lay a hand down on the boy's shoulder, patting it lightly. "Just having a bit of fun with ya. Welcome to my little home of music and mischief."

Gesturing around him, Harry was slightly awed by the sights he could see, instruments lined the walls, gleaming with polish and care. Posters decorated the spaces in between, showed various figures, some looking to be screaming on stage, others more subdued, secret little smiles on their lips. Awe in his eyes the boy stood up, and slowly took a few hesitant steps into the store, brilliant emerald eyes darting around before he looked back at man smiling at him.

"See anything you like hmmm?" Again the man winked at the boy, before with long, easy strides he slipped past him, making a bit of a gesture all around him. "Here, are the tools of greatness, waiting to be found."

"Greatness?" Harry responded timidly, as he looked from instrument to instrument, a look almost akin to fear in them, "What if… What if you don't want to be great?"

"Ah, but you see, greatness isn't a thing that can be denied my boy." Those eyes had softened now, growing subdued as those lips drew back into an affectionate smile. "But it's a contradictory thing, greatness. She smiles more on those who do what they do in spite of her." A distant look grew in his eyes, as his smile dimmed, tinged with sadness now. "Those that seek her out, that worship her, she may indulge for a moment or two, but when they begin to make demands of her, begin to believe she is theirs by right, then she shows them her scorn."

"You seem to know a lot about greatness, Sir…" The boy's voice was soft as he looked up at the man, shifting nervously from one foot to the next in his oversized clothes.

"She and I are old acquaintances. More by association than relation," the words flowed easily past his lips as he again smiled down at the boy. "What's your name lad?"

"Harry, sir. Harry Potter."

"Well, nice to meet you, Harry. But it's Gerald, or, just Ger, not sir," the man said with an easy smile on his lips. "Mind if I take a look at your hands, Harry?"

"Um, why, si- Gerald?" the boy asked hesitantly, even as he offered up his hands without further protest.

"Why, to see just what might suit you of course!" There was a grin as strong, calloused fingers caught upon the boy's own and he studied them a long moment, before a grin curled across his lips. "Oh yes, I think that will do nicely."

"Suit me?" The confusion was thick in the boy's eyes as he looked up at the man.

"Yes, suit you, kid." The man threw him a wink before letting go of those hands, drifting over to the wall where he pulled off a smaller guitar and brought it back, holding it up to the boy. "Here, hold this, tell me, how does it feel?"

Awkwardly at first, the boy lifted the instrument, shifting his grip slightly, adjusting it as he pulled the strap over his shoulder like the people on the posters did. Gently, almost fearfully his fingers brushed down across the strings. A slight, little smile curled on his lips as his fingers lightly brushed one string then the next before giving the man a slight, little nod.

"It feels, I dunno, right?" Harry paused a moment, shrugging slightly as he looked up at the man.

"Yes, Ollie always did over complicate things." The man muttered to himself with a smile and a wink at Harry. "Find the basics first, then the best fit can find itself later."

"Ollie?" There was a confusion in the boy's eyes as he looked up at the man.

"Nothing to worry about, Harry, just talking to myself and thinking aloud." He waved off the boy's question as he responded, before grinning at the boy even more. "Would you like to learn how to play it?"

"I… I'm sorry, sir," the boy said quickly as he pulled the guitar off and offered it back to the man. "But, I don't have the money to… and my aunt and uncle, they wouldn't want me to, wouldn't be willing to help with it…"

"Now, that's not what I asked, now was it?" The man grinned at the boy, even wider than before. "I asked you if you wanted to learn how to play. And what did I tell you about calling me, Sir?"

"Gerald." The boy nodded his head in acquiescence, a wistful smile on his lips. "Yes, I would like to learn how to play it."

"Good." The man nodded with a smile. "Come in whenever you have the chance. Would you like to start now?"

"My Aunt and Uncle…" Weak protests were already upon the boy's lips.

"Let me worry about that my boy, let me worry about that."

-o-O-o-

"Um, Hagrid?" An older Harry looked up at the lumbering giant of a man looming over him. "Could you take me back to near my Aunt and Uncle's house? There's someone I need to let know about me going away for the year."

"Course, Harry!" The bushy man responded exuberantly down at the boy as he smiled beneath his unruly beard. "Who is it? A friend of yours?"

"Kinda," the boy responded with a slight smile. "More of a teacher really."

-o-O-o-

"Ah, hello again Harry, how're you doing today?" Gerald spoke up, his dark eyes twinkling before looking past the boy. "And not alone today hm?"

"Hello Ger," the boy smiled back as he responded to the man, "This is…"

"Hagrid, it's been quite some time." Gerald cut him off with a wave of his hand, offering Harry a grin and a wink. "Off to Hogwarts are you now?"

"You… you mean you're a wizard?" Harry was staring with wide, amazed eyes at the man, never noticing the look of shock on Hagrid's face as the boy interacted with the man.

"Something like that." Gerald responded with another grin as he reached down behind his counter. "I was hoping you'd come by before you left. That way I could give you this."

Harry marveled at the simple grey guitar the man offered up to him staring at it before he looked up at the man again, "This is…"

"Tricky little bit of magic it was." Harry's teacher beamed with a twinkling grin. "Will work just like it had an amp without the amp, among a few, other things." His face suddenly grew sterner as he looked at the boy. "I do expect you to keep practicing though. And I expect you to Owl me when you have any questions, or need some help, understood?"

"Yes, Ger!" The boy nodded eagerly as he ran his fingers over the strings in a familiar fashion, his thin, spidery fingers suddenly dancing across, summoning up a simple, comforting cord. "This is brilliant!"

"It has an auto-tuning charm as well, but, I expect you to not to have gotten dependant on it when you're back for the summer. Understood?"

"Yes, Ger!" The boy suddenly rushed around the counter and gave the man a fierce hug. "Thank you!"

"Just remember what I told you about greatness Harry." The man responded, patting him lightly on the back as he returned the hug. "And remember to have fun."

"I will!"

And with that, a smiling Harry Potter left with a still stunned Rubeus Hagrid to make his way back to his room and then Hogwarts.

-o-O-o-

"GRYFFINDOR!" The hat proclaimed as Harry left off a sigh of relief. As his things began to materialize in Gryffindor tower, the formerly grey guitar, shifted and brightened, until it was a brilliant red and gold, matching his house colors.

- 3 and three quarters of a year later-

"I can't believe I let you talk me into this, Tracey," Daphne Greengrass grumbled softly as she shifted and swayed through the crowd. "If any of this gets back to the rest of Slytherin…"

"Bah, you worry to much!" Tracey Davis flashed her friend a wicked grin as she swayed in the tight black leather pants that clung to her budding curves. "Learn to live a little, and enjoy the music!"

"Yeah, yeah." Daphne shifted smirking slightly as her boots ground against the hard floor, even as her skirt shifted and against her fishnet clad legs. "So, why here and now?"

"There's supposed to be this really great guitarist, about our age playing today." Tracey was grinning wickedly as she sent her friend a wink. "He's supposed to be pretty hot."

"I swear, you're more boy crazy than Lavender and Pavarti!" Daphne rolled her eyes as she teased her friend back, grinning wickedly. "Makes me wonder if you shouldn't have been a Gryffindor."

"Hey, if I'd known Potter would turn into such a hottie, and Malfoy had already chased him off Slytherin, I'd have made that hat put me there!" Tracey laughed back as she winked at her friend, before finally the music trailed off and a figure strode on stage.

"Well, ladies and gents, lads and lasses," Gerald said as he looked out across the crowd with a smile curling on his lips, "It is my distinct pleasure of introducing a student of mine in the school of Rock… Sadly, he refuses to let me give out his name, so I'll let him introduce himself."

The two Slytherins' eyes grew wide as a light suddenly shown on the stage, and a very familiar figure with a red and gold guitar, and shining emerald eyes began to play.

"Tracey… Isn't that…?" Daphne was staring, her eyes roaming across the tight, if slightly ragged jeans and black, button down shirt that clung to his chest.

"Harry, Bloody, Potter!" Tracey whispered in awe as she stared at the boy who offered the crowd a smile as the cords began to ripple out across the room, gentle at first as the boy swayed slightly, eyes falling closed for a brief moment.

Then, suddenly they flashed open, and it was like a fire had awoken inside of the boy. That smile never left his lips, as his long, slender fingers danced across the strings. A heavy, pounding sensation suddenly slunk into their veins, quickly calling the pulses to race in time. Suddenly, it was like they were flying, the music just pouring through them, lifting them up even with its heavy strength.

Raw, almost bleeding emotions leaked through. Pain, anger, resentment, fear, each throbbing with a keen loss that seemed to resonate with all but most unfeeling of hearts. But finally, all those washed away against the rising pulse of hope that outshined everything else.

One song bled into the next, then the next. Harry poured himself into the music, sweat glistening over his skin. He moved, almost dancing across the stage as his whole body shifted and twisted. A symphony of motion where his unruly hair grew wild and matted with sweat, before finally he came to a close of his set and almost collapsed down back against the stage, a wild smile on his lips even before the crowd erupted into applause.

"Ok, no way in HELL I'm letting Potter sneak off after that," Tracey swore softly as she grabbed hold of Daphne and started to push her way through the crowd.

"What, he get your knickers in a twist?" Daphne teased her friend back as she allowed herself to be pulled through the sea of people, ignoring her own state.

"In a twist?" The half-blood slytherin stared incredulously at her pure-blood friend. "If they weren't plastered to these pants I'd have thrown them at him already."

"Tracey!" The petite teen blushed brightly at her friend's words, even as she heard a part of her mind whispering why she hadn't thought of that herself.

"What?" Tracey shot back, her cool blue eyes dancing with mirth as she pulled the girl over to the stage where Potter was getting off, as the next act was being introduced. "Saying it didn't occur to you?"

Light jade eyes widened in disbelief as Daphne stared back at her friend, mouth hanging open in shock. "I can't believe… TRACEY!"

The shriek brought a sudden attention onto them as several people nearby turned their heads at the pair, including a certain, sweaty, emerald eyed guitarist. His eyes widening behind his glasses, his voice spoke up in shock. "Davis? Greengrass?! What the bloody hell are you two doing here?!"

"You mean, besides find out you're a bloody brilliant musician?" Tracey responded, her eyes dancing wickedly. "Finding myself in need of some dry knickers."

The teen stared at her blankly for a moment, before suddenly blushing crimson as the meaning of her words sunk in. Staring back at the girl he opened his mouth, then shut it again, in slow successive fashion. When no sound followed, Daphne rolled her eyes and lightly slapped her friend on the arm.

"Way to go, Tracey, you broke him!" Almost giggling softly, a sudden, mischievous glint passed across the girl's pale green eyes before she leaned forward as the boy opened his mouth open wide once more, and thrust her tongue into his mouth as her mouth covered his own.

For a moment, the boy froze in rigid shock, before his fingers slipped up, and suddenly Daphne found herself pulled away from her friend, pressed up against the hot, sweaty body of the boy who lived. That mouth, moved back against her own, his tongue, moving on instinct danced with hers. A deep, primal hunger as he road the lingering high of his music and the girl's brash action.

"Oi!" Tracey growled softly, soft lips pouting as she stuck her hands on her hips and glared at the two. "DAMMIT DAPH! I wanted to do that!"

"Well now, I leave him alone for a few minutes and he's off snogging a pretty bird with another waiting in the wings." Gerald laughed softly as he slipped up next to Tracey. "He told me he'd never snogged a girl before!"

"Not at school he hasn't," Tracey agreed absently, absorbed in how long her friend could keep things up without coming up for air. "Not that I've heard at least."

"Oh, so you know the boy then do you?" There was a note of caution in Gerald's voice as he studied the girl. "Go to school down in Wales with him?"

"Huh? No, Scotland." Tracey turned her attention to the lean man standing over her with those penetrating dark eyes. "We're in Harry's year."

"Ah, so good to see our little guitar wizard is casting his spell over some pretty witches his own age." Gerald laughed softly, ignoring the sudden surprise in Tracey's eyes as he spoke up even louder. "Oi! You coming up for air soon kid?"

Harry broke away from Daphne's lips for a moment as he grunted softly. "Only when I have to."

Before he could again capture the dazed looking Daphne's lips, Tracey tugged her friend back. "Ok, that's enough of that for now."

Seeing the boy about to protest, those icy blue eyes glinted hungrily as she grabbed the boy by the front of his shirt and pulled him into a kiss of her own. "It's my bloody turn!"

Harry blinked a moment, before he seemed to shrug slightly, twisting Tracey around and pushing her up against a nearby wall as he went to work.

"Well, I knew the kid would be great, but damn!" Gerald laughed out loud as he looked at the absolutely dazed expression on Daphne's face. "You ok there girlie?"

"… Where the bloody hell did he learn to kiss like that?!" Daphne stared at the boy pinning her friend up against the wall with her rather enthusiastic approval as she slowly came out of her daze. "Hufflepuff's are supposed to be the brilliant kissers, not a ruddy Gryffindor!"

"Hmm…" Gerald lightly tapped his lip with a slight grin on his lips, studying the girl in front of him. "Hufflepuff or Slytherin?"

"Slytherin." The girl responded without thinking, her mind still in a confused daze, before her thoughts caught up with her actions and she flushed brightly, staring at the man. "You're a wizard?"

"Something like that." The man agreed, before glancing at his watch and sighing. "Well, I suppose you're not with Malfoy's little clique?"

"How'd you know about…?" The girl's eyes immediately flashed warily at the man, her guard immediately up as she studied him with suddenly cold jade eyes.

"Down girl!" He laughed softly as he shook his head. "Harry tells me this and that about his year, he'd mentioned Malfoy in a number of disparaging ways."

"Yeah, well I had a choice," Daphne said in a stern, firm voice. "Either side with the arrogant ponce who just saw me as tool, or my half-blood friend Tracey. I think I've kinda made it obvious which one I chose."

"Yes, and now I think I'd best separate them before they have to call the bobbies on them for public indecency." Gerald spoke up with a slight quirk of his lips as he walked over to the pair, and firmly tugged them apart. "Ok, cool off you two! You trying to ruin my rep round here?"

"Uh? Oh, uh, sorry Ger…" Harry responded, dazed and slightly sheepish with his lips smeared with two different shades of lipstick. "Guess I might've, um, gotten a little carried away?"

"You can carry me away any time, Harry." Tracey practically moaned the words against his ear before collapsing back against the wall. "But damn, you can kiss!"

"And snog," Daphne added, her own lips curled up. "Definitely snog."

"I can't believe I did that." Harry was blushing brightly, shifting uneasily as he stared at the two girls before a realization swept across his eyes. "Oh, bloody hell, Ron's gonna kill me!"

"Why the hell would Weasley do that?" Tracey demanded. "He have something against you snogging a pair of the hottest girls in your year?"

"Ignore Tracey," Daphne responded before Harry could. "She forgets that for you Gryffs your primary interaction with Slytherin are Malfoy and Snape…"

"You forgot Crabbe, Goyle, Parkinson, Nott…" Harry's voice cut in dryly as he began to list off the names. "Need I go on?"

"Yeah, well I'm a half-blood, so I don't follow their pure blood stupidity," Tracey countered with a shrug before smirking wickedly. "And the fact that Daphne here was snoggin' another half-blood for all she was worth…"

"You seemed to be enjoying it yourself." The jade eyed girl shot back, her lips curled into a slight smirk.

"I swear Harry, I leave you alone for a few weeks, and you go and make me such a proud Padfoot!" A new voice rang out, almost dripping with cheer.

Daphne stared in fear and shock as her voice squeaked out: "Sirius Black!"

"Why yes, I am seriously Sirius Black," the newly appeared dark haired man agreed, his blue grey eyes twinkling happily. "Fortunately, I'm not a serious Sirius, unless a certain rodent's involved."

There was a low growl rippling through the air as Tracey moved herself in front of Harry, her cool blue eyes flashing darkly as they met Sirius' own in protective defiance. Her sweat slick hair, strands of dark red, as they fell across her face in twisting curls of dark crimson. Her lips, drew back, a slight, feral snarl on them as she glared at the man, her body hunched slightly, tensed and coiled.

After a moment's hesitation, Daphne was standing next to her friend, the fear sliding off her features as a cool, icy mask fell into place. Her chin lifted, as those brilliant blonde locks of hair clung against the delicate seeming cheeks. Where Tracey seemed to slink down into a half feral state, she took on a cold, almost regal superiority.

While Harry and Sirius blinked in quiet surprise, and no small amount of dumb shock, Gerald looked at the two girls with a slight chuckle of amusement slipping past his lips. "You two sure you're Slytherins? I mean, I can understand the snogging him like you did, but my, you two certainly seem protective…"

"They're Slytherins?" Sirius asked with a blink of surprise as he looked over the girls' heads down at his godson. At the boy's nod, the man blinked again before grinning. "Huh, I thought they had to be Gryffindors, or at least Hufflepuffs for being that protective."

As the two girls flushed slightly at the man's words Harry reached down and put his hands on the girls' shoulders. "It's all right. He's not going to hurt me." The boy paused a moment, looking over Sirius carefully. "Well, at least not intentionally. I make no such guarantees when he starts in on a crazy scheme."

"Hey!" the man said, clearly affronted. "The only one ever injured by my crazy schemes was Snape!"

"Uh huh." Harry sighed softly before shaking his head and looking down at Tracey and Daphne. "So, what do you girls know about my parents?"

"Harry, Sirius Black, the man who betrayed your parents to the Dark Lord is right here! Sirius Black the mass murderer!" Tracey spoke up incredulously as she stared up at him with those piercing blue eyes. "And you're asking what we know about your parents?!"

"Yup," Harry agreed, a nod of his head and a grin on his lips.

"Head Boy and Girl of their year, and they pissed off You-Know-Who a lot." Daphne supplied before adding in after thought. "And your father really pissed off Snape."

"James absolutely hated the Dark Arts." Sirius' voice was soft, subdued as he spoke up, clarifying things a bit. "Snape made no secret of his fascination with them. That made him into James' biggest target."

"So, we can guess that they were both rather brilliant, right?" Harry continued, quietly ignoring what Sirius said. "What's not really known is that my dad was the ringleader…"

"Co-ringleader thank you!" Sirius interrupted with a huff.

"Ringleader of a group of pranksters known as the Marauders." Harry finished, as if Sirius hadn't spoken. "Now, who was the most obvious choice for my parent's Secret Keeper?"

"Sirius Black, of course." Tracey pointed out, looking disbelievingly at Harry. "I mean, everyone knew that…"

As realization and understanding dawned in the girls' eyes, Daphne spoke the thought they both shared. "You're saying he wasn't the Secret Keeper?"

"We made a mistake in who we trusted and who we didn't." Sirius spoke in a quiet voice. "We knew that there was a spy amongst us, only, I made the mistake of believing it was the one person I should have trusted, and I trusted the one that was a traitor."

"Peter Pettigrew was the Secret Keeper, and the traitor." Harry spoke up softly as his lips pressed together in a tight line for a moment. "The rat bastard told me so himself."

"But…" Daphne began, her eyes disbelieving for a moment as she started to automatically correct him before blinking slightly. "He's still alive?"

"He's an unregistered rat animagus," Harry said softly. "He was living as the Weasley pet rat, Scabbers."

"And we almost had him." Black sighed softly before shaking his head, shrugging just a bit. "Then the little traitor managed his escape." He paused a moment, before looking at Harry. "Personally, you know who I blame?"

"Hmmm…" Harry stroked his chin lightly in contemplation before continuing. "Remus?" At Sirius's negative shake of his head, the boy continued. "Ron then?" Again, a negative. "Really, Padfoot, blaming Hermione for it?! How could you! She was just a third year, a brilliantly overworked and frazzled third year at that. How could you go and blame her for the rat's escape."

"I was thinking Snape actually." Sirius' voice was a neutral deadpan as he fought the rising corners of his lips.

"Oh, he was there, wasn't he?" Harry sighed and grumbled just a bit. "Now I have to repress the memory all over again." He glowered slightly. "Bad dog."

"Well, excuse me for reminding you of the truth of what happened." Sirius glared back with a slight grumble on his lips, before eying his godson carefully. "You repress your memories having to do with Snape?"

"Whenever I possibly can." The boy admitted with a nod and a shrug. "I mean, you went to school with him, imagine what he's like as a teacher."

"Well, that would explain why you do so poorly in potions." Daphne noted with a slight smile. "Well, that and not having Snape offer too much explanation."

"Wait… Harry is pants at potions?" Sirius spoke up delicately, before frowning just a bit and turning his attention onto Harry, his hands on his hips. "Harry James Potter!"

"Sirius Orion Black!" Harry responded, before giving an aside to Tracey, "Yes, he is a real S.O.B."

"Hey!" Sirius glared slightly at Harry. "Answer the question, are you or are you not pants at potions?"

"Well, that's debatable." Harry responded easily enough. "I have Snape for a teacher, and Ron and Hermione for friends."

"And this explains being pants at potions… how?" Tracey asked again, a dark red brow arching as she would look at the boy. "Well other than the Snape part."

"Erh…" Harry shrugged slightly for a moment, before looking a bit away as he continued, "Well, there's no denying that Hermione's rather bright…"

"Ruddy know-it-all she is," Tracey grumbled back as she crossed her arms about her chest.

"Yeah, well she's a bit… obsessed I guess you could say?" Harry shuddered a bit. "I mean, it's not bloody natural for someone to study THAT much."

"She did strike me as the bookwormish type." Sirius agreed shaking his head lightly and sighing. "A bit too rigid in the rules that one."

"Great with facts, a bit lacking in imagination." Daphne chimed in, as she lightly glanced at her nails. "Rather… Inflexible with how she sees things."

"Right then," Harry agreed reluctantly. "Not exactly how I'd put it but… Hermione's rather stuck on the idea of dragging Ron and I along for the ride. That means, studying, a lot, in her way…"

"Which is stuffing her brain full of so much that, well…" Tracey added with a slight shrug.

"So, she puts on all this extra pressure on things, and in the end, I can't really enjoy anything about it." Harry shrugged a bit and grinned. "And Ron's… well…"

"A lazy git?" Daphne offered up with an innocent smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

"Not the sharpest tool in the lot?" Tracey shot in, smirking.

"He is my friend you know." Harry noted blandly, "And he really is an all right bloke…"

"As long as you're a Gryffindor." Tracey muttered slightly under her breath. "A girl happens to be ambitious and cunning, and gets labeled as a dark whore? I hate being compared to the Pug."

"Always interesting to get an outsider's perspective, don't you think?" Gerald asked mildly as he glanced towards Sirius.

The shaggy haired fugitive shrugged slightly with a slightly sheepish grin. "Well, if you listen to Snape, James and I were nothing but glory hounding, childish dunderheads."

"You weren't?" Gerald arched a brow challengingly back at the other man.

"We were, but, that's not ALL we were." Sirius grinned slightly before shrugging a bit. "And Dunderheads... Eh... We preferred pranktical applications of things, instead of more vicious or showier things. Or, do you think a group of wizards that mastered the animagus transformation in fifth year to be dumb?"

"Pranktical?" Daphne arched a delicate brow at the man. "I'm going to assume you weren't actually referring to practical. What were you, something like the Weasley twins?"

Harry groaned softly as he placed his face in his hands as Sirius puffed up his chest, glaring indignantly down at the girl. "Something like the Weasley twins?! We were The Marauders, girl! All others are but pale imitations before us!"

Daphne stared at the man in front of her for a long moment, before groaning softly and burying her face in her hands. "Great, I finally find a boy I like, and not only is he a bloody Gryffindor, his father and godfather were even worse than the Weasley twins."

"Snape's been talking I take it?" Sirius pursed his lips a long moment, debating for a moment before he continued. "I suppose in his version of things, he's always the victim, hm? That we only ever targeted him and the Slytherins?"

Harry watched wordlessly as his Godfather seemed to shift away from the merry prankster, growing into the most solemn he'd ever seen the man. This wasn't Padfoot, the Maruader, this wasn't the prisoner of Azkaban, for a moment, he was letting everything underneath shine through. Silently he watched, as the haunted look faded from Sirius' eyes as he continued.

"I won't deny that we did some rotten things to Snape. We were children, and we acted as such." Sirius spoke in a soft voice, stripped raw and honest. "I had enough time to have things forced back on me. Maybe if we hadn't pushed him so hard, he wouldn't have snapped and joined Voldemort like he did."

Ignoring the soft gasps the teens made around him, the man continued under Gerald's watchful eyes. "In the beginning, it was all about the things we hated. For James, it was the Dark Arts, me, the hateful bigotry embodied so deeply in my family. We were clever, and smart, and talented. And the house that embodied the things we both hated the most drew the brunt of our worst attentions."

Tracey watched the man with guarded, icy blue eyes that revealed nothing of her thoughts, her arms fallen across her chest as she spoke. "So you did target the Slytherins."

"With our more humiliating pranks, yes." Sirius admitted quietly, looking off in the distance. "Others, we played around the school, not limited to a house. Silly, funny things, but it was almost always the Slytherins, who wore their bigotry and hunger for the Dark Arts on their sleeves like a badge of honor that we targeted."

"And Snape?" Daphne half demanded as her cold jade eyes held the same unreadable shield as Tracey's watching the man reminiscing before them.

"In all honesty," Sirius responded with a subdued voice, "If he'd simply pranked us back, given us a taste of our own medicine, it probably would have developed into a far more friendly rivalry. Tit for Tat as it were. Nothing we did was ever designed to do any lasting harm." When Harry started to speak up, Sirius lifted his hand. "As I said, 'we'… and I'll get to that in a moment, Harry."

As Tracey and Daphne exchanged confused, and speculative glances, Sirius continued. "But, Snape's way of answering back, was to throw dark curses and attempts to poison us. We pranked him, humiliated him, even knocked his books and other childish, bullying things as time went on. But he'd never face us, he'd slink away, then wait for us to have our back's turned and attack." He paused there a minute, grinning grimly before continuing. "Can you think of a better way to antagonize of bunch of Gryffindors?"

"It's the…" Daphne started to say before Harry cut her off.

"Um, could someone explain something to me?" Harry's voice had a note of caution to it as he spoke, smiling apologetically to Daphne. "Why does the house that emphasizes cunning and ambition, seem to ignore it? I mean… I'm just a dumb Gryffindor, but I can tell that attacking Gryffindors who are vocal about how much they hate the Dark Arts with dark curses is only going to make them come after you even more. I mean… where's the cunning in that?"

"What, you think we should just stand there and take it?" Tracey growled as she glared at the boy.

"No, I'm not really sure what I'm saying." Harry admitted as he hung his head slightly. "It's just… I don't know… Stupid. I mean, that way works with bullies, at least for a bit, standing up to them, giving them a taste of their own medicine. Though, Malfoy doesn't ever really seem to get the lesson through his thick skull, he has learned not to shoot his mouth off so much."

"Works with bullies that are cowards," Sirius quietly agreed, before shrugging slightly. "But, save for the rat, we weren't cowards. And, in the end, kids, no matter how bright they are, do stupid things."

"Well, nothing compared to what us dumb ones do," Harry countered with a slight, self depreciating grin on his lips. "I mean, hell…" He lifted up his arm, rolling up the sleeve to reveal the massive puncture car on his arm. "How bright can a guy be that goes after a 1,000 year old basilisk at 12?"

At Sirius' horrified expression, Harry settled back against the wall as he slung his guitar back across his body, his fingers idly strumming across it. Tracey's gaze was a mix of Sirius' horror and disbelief, while Daphne's slipped into a look of cool calculation. Finally, after a moment, the blonde girl spoke up.

"Harry, do you know what happened to the basilisk's corpse?" A gleam was flashing across her eyes as she mentally did a few figures in her mind. "I mean after you killed it, what happened to it?"

"Well, I assume it's still down in the Chamber of Secrets." His fingers danced for a moment, a quick series of cords flowing from his fingers in a brief whisper of melody. "Since, I closed it up, and unless someone blew apart the entrance to get down there, I'm the only one other than Voldemort who can get to it." He paused a moment before frowning slightly. "Or Fawkes could get someone down there I suppose."

"Parseltongue sealed?" Daphne tapped her lower lip, nodding thoughtfully. "That does make sense… hmmm…"

"Harry's a parselmouth?" Sirius' eyes widened in shock as he looked over at the boy.

"Yes, it was rather amusing." Daphne agreed as she daintily waved her hand, her eyes distant in thought. "A Gryffindor parselmouth. I wonder how damaged the body is…"

"Fawked pecked out its eyes and I stabbed it in its mouth and ripped out one of its fangs." Harry answered without really looking up. "It's been over a year, so don't know what state its in now."

"That… that story was actually TRUE?!" Tracey finally managed to speak, her blue eyes wide in shock. "You killed an ancient bloody basilisk with a damned SWORD?!"

"Gryffindor's to be precise." The black haired boy refused to look up, though he directed a half lidded glare at Gerald. "And don't say a damned bloody thing, Ger."

"You killed a basilisk, with Gryffindor's sword…?! When you were 12?!" Sirius stared at his godson for a moment, before pinching the bridge of his nose. "Lily is gonna kill me all over again once I die."

"Eh, I seem to get into these situations all on my own." Harry grinned slightly as he strummed his fingers across the strings once more. "This last year was probably the safest I've been at Hogwarts."

"Being surrounded by Dementors that treat you like their favorite snack was the SAFEST you've been?!"

"Considering the two previous years, I'd dealt with people possessed by Voldemort? Yes." Harry agreed, smiling slightly as his notes betrayed a tone of amusement. "And hey, I got a nifty spell out of the deal this time, how many people can say they mastered the Patronus at 13?"

"You Mastered it?" Daphne arched a brow slightly as she looked at the boy. "What's your definition of Mastering it?"

"A fully corporeal Patronus capable of running off a swarm of Dementors?" Harry offered, a soft smile on his lips as he lost himself for a moment in the memory, fingers curling along strings as they conveyed a kind of happy reminiscence.

"What is it?" Tracey spoke up, her eyes widening slightly as she studied the boy.

"A stag," he said meaningfully, as he caught Sirius' eyes, "Named Prongs."

With a gratified smile laced with sadness, the man nodded back to Harry as Daphne's lips quirked in amusement when she responded. "You named your patronus?"

"No." Harry shook his head slightly as he offered up another mysterious little smile before he explained. "It's my father's animagus form. Prongs, the Marauder."

"Oh…" Tracey stared back at him, eyes wide in shock before finally she managed to continue. "Wow…"

"You don't do anything ordinary, do you Potter?" Daphne chuckled softly before shaking her head as she grabbed him by his hair and pulled him into another, brief kiss.

"Other than try to be an ordinary boy?" He responded when the brief kiss ended, his hand slipping away from his guitar, brushing lightly against the girl's cheek. "I never quite seem to manage."

"Ordinary people never try to be ordinary, Harry, they have no need to." Sirius spoke up, a slight twinkle in his eyes. "They simply are."

Tracey was standing there, studying the boy in front of her with her mask firmly in place once more. Lips pursed slightly, as she watched him, as if weighing him in her mind. Finally she released a slow sigh and shook her head. "Merlin, I'm crazier than I thought I was."

"Second thoughts?" Harry asked, his voice quietly neutral as he didn't meet Tracey's eyes, his fingers stilling on the strings of his guitar as he simply waited for her to continue.

"Second, third, fourth… I could probably make it most of the way through a hundred," the girl admitted quietly as she studied the boy in front of her. "Bloody hell, Harry, the ambitions of most Slytherins… the glories most Gryffindors seek… Do you realize they're candles next to a bonfire when compared to who you already are and what you've done?"

When he started to speak, she snapped her arm across the air, cutting him off. "The fact that you don't want it, that you've never wanted it, doesn't change what it is. It only makes it even more impressive." She paused a moment before shaking her head slightly. "And more than a little frustrating. For any of your accomplishments alone, you are great Harry Potter, and you've only just begun it."

"Not sure if you're up to it Tracey?" Daphne arched a brow as she grinned slightly back at her friend before glancing back at Harry.

"Are you?" The red head threw back.

"Of course not," the blonde responded before grinning over at the still unreadable Harry. "But, when has that ever stopped us?"

"You know we're going to have to be beating them off with a stick, right?" Tracey noted, with a slight little smirk. "Especially once they hear him play."

"Up to sharing then?" Daphne asked casually as she studied her friend carefully.

"Eh," Tracey shrugged slightly uneasily for a moment, studying her friend. "Don't really know honestly. Might be able to work, might blow up spectacularly in our faces."

Sirius blinked owlishly before he turned his head to the long silent Gerald and asked in a disbelieving tone, "Are they talking about what I think they're talking about?"

"Yes, it would seem so." Gerald agreed a secret little smile on his lips.

"Are you two SURE you're not Hufflepuffs?" Sirius asked again in clarification.

"Too ambitious and cunning." Daphne responded with a slight wave of her hand. "The hat refused to let me in, something about them being dangerous enough as it is."

"Huh, said the same thing to me." Tracey noted, before looking at all the eyes turned towards her. "What? I'm a half blood, remember? You think I'd WANT to be with the pureblood snobs?"

"And what does that make me?" Daphne sniffed primly as she glared down her nose at her friend.

"Well, if your kissing is any indication." Harry spoke up, his eyes glinting with something as he shifted his guitar against his body. "You obviously don't mind getting down and dirty."

At those words, Harry was treated to a sight rarely seen, a flustered and brightly blushing Daphne Greengrass stammering as she couldn't quite meet his eyes. "Wha-?! I, how could! Er, ah, um… Eeep!"

"Wow, I think you broke her!" Tracey practically crowed in amusement as she watched her friend struggle to form a coherent response, before she froze suddenly as she could feel his breath, suddenly at her neck as his words drifted to her ear.

"How about you, Tracey?" She couldn't see his eyes, but as her eyes fluttered closed, she could imagine them, half lidded with a lazy smile curled across his lips. "Are you a dirty girl, too?"

Where her friend had reacted in a brilliant explosion of conflicting responses, Tracey froze, her whole body growing stiff in response, before a slow, light whimper escaped her lips. Frowning slightly at her response, Harry reached out, and put a hand on her shoulder. "Tracey? You ok?"

Shivering slightly, the girl almost flinched at the touch, before she turned her head shaking it slightly as she looked up into his eyes, her own, icy blue orbs searching, desperate as they glistened wetly. Finally, apparently satisfied, she shook her head a moment and suddenly pushed herself against his chest, her arms wrapping tightly about his body as he awkwardly reached around her and lightly stroked his fingers through her hair. He lifted his eyes, and looked questioningly over at Daphne, who had managed to calm herself down, biting lightly on her lower lip as she shook her head, her eyes as confused as his.

Sudden realization hit the boy when he saw the narrowing eyes of Sirius and Gerald, anger flashing across them that was most certainly not directed towards them. As the realization hit, he tightened his arms around Tracey as his voice softly whispered into her ear. "I'm sorry, Tracey, I didn't know."

She stiffened for a moment, before he could feel her nodding quietly against his chest. Gently he kept holding her, softly stroking her hair as he lightly let her rock against his chest. Finally, she gently pulled away, relaxing visibly when he made no move to stop her, as she began to wipe away the stains of her tear ruined mascara. "Sorry…"

"No, it was my fault." He said it firmly, as he reached out, and gently lifted her eyes to his, understanding, and a hint of empathy in his emerald orbs. "Just… lemme know anything else I should avoid saying or doing, or smelling like, ok?"

"Tracey?" Daphne spoke up softly, looking at her friend worriedly as she watched her nod quietly back to Harry, as she looked worriedly at the boy. "What's going on? What's wrong with her?"

"Not my place to say." The boy responded quietly, before fixing his eyes on the still angry grey eyes of Sirius. "And no, you aren't going to badger her about it. You've got enough troubles as is."

"But….!" Sirius' fingers were clenching and unclenching against his hands as he looked at the suddenly far too vulnerable girl, his protests issued as he struggled to control the anger in his eyes, before his gaze bore down on his godson. "Fine… But, you're telling me yours."

The boy flinched visibly under his godfather's words, but nodded reluctantly. "Later."

Tracey's eyes widened at that, staring at the boy in front of her, trembling slightly before she immediately latched onto him again, pulling him tightly against her chest. Gently he ran his fingers along her back, slowly, softly as he closed his own eyes in response. Daphne watched in confusion, uncertain and worried as she shifted slightly and looked over at a still visibly upset Sirius and a quietly angry looking Gerald.

"Would someone PLEASE tell me why my best friend and my… Well, Harry, are acting like this?" Daphne was visibly fretting, her calm control cracking quickly as she looked at the two adults. "And why you two are looking like you're about to kill someone?!"

"Someones actually." Sirius corrected quietly, his grey eyes storming as he growled slightly.

"Amazing how what we can get to, coming from talking about Harry being lackluster at potions." Gerald noted quietly as he pursed his lips.

"Ah, forgot about that," the fugitive admitted as he gave Harry a look and spoke up rather loudly. "A Potter, pants at potions? Positively Preposterous!"

"You're trying to change the subject." Daphne pointed out, lightly glaring at the man.

"Hey!" Sirius protested quickly. "You're a pureblood, what do you know about Potters?"

"Well…" She pursed her lips thoughtfully before reluctantly nodding her head. "I suppose you do have a valid point. Maybe he got it from his mother?"

"From Lily?!" he stared at the girl for a long moment, before lifting back his head and bursting into laughter. "Lils… Lils was better at potions than Snape! She was absolutely brilliant with potions!"

"Mum was good at potions?" Harry spoke up as he was still holding Tracey in his arms.

"Your dad was good." Sirius corrected with a grin, "Your mum was positively brilliant."

"Huh… No one ever told me." Harry said simply before shrugging slightly. "Still… Potions with Snape."

"Hmmm…" Daphne stroked her chin thoughtfully as slowly a down right evil smile crept across her lips. "I think… We might just be able to do something about Snape after all. Ruining a Potter's interest in potions and all…"

Sirius blinked a moment, then blinked again, before staring down at the girl, a suddenly delighted smile on his lips. "That's right… He's still…?"

"Mhm," Daphne nodded quickly rubbing her hands together before she shifted, her pale jade eyes widening as her lower lip trembled. "But Unca Faustus… I thought you told me Potters were great at potions? Our Professor's always yelling at Harry, telling him how horrible and incompetent he is…"

"All right," Sirius shivered visibly as he watched the girl switch modes so easily. "Now I KNOW this girl is a Slytherin."

"Isn't Faustus Greengrass…?" Gerald started before blinking slightly as he looked down at the girl, a slow look of understanding crossing his features. "If you can pull it off, you are good."

"Psh," Daphne waved her hand negligently. "I'm not just a pretty face you know."

"Yeah, you're a decent kisser too," Harry agreed with a slight smile as a wet laugh escaped Tracey's lips.

"Decent?" Daphne arched a brow as she glared haughtily at the boy.

"Well…." The boy started, a light grin on his lips as Tracey managed a soft giggle against his chest.

"Did you get a bunch of extra practice I didn't know about Daph?" Tracey teased lightly, her reddened eyes drying softly as she leaned lightly against Harry's chest.

"Hmph." Daphne lifted her nose and sniffed lightly. "I happen to know I'm a far better kisser than Tracey!"

"Oh?" Harry looked at the blonde girl critically for a moment. "First hand experience?"

The girls both leveled him with an equally annoyed look, though, he could see a faint flush on Tracey's face as she did so. Blinking slightly he canted his head to the side. "Huh, really?"

"Tracey!" Daphne sighed softly as she shook her head, grumbling just a bit as she pouted at the boy. "I thought you were supposed to be a shy, awkward Gryffindor who wasn't very perceptive?"

"A blush is a blush." He said firmly before glancing around quietly and then sighing. "I hate to do this, but, it's getting late, and if I'm not home soon… It won't be pretty with my Uncle."

"Harry, was it…?" Sirius spoke up, quietly locking his eyes with his godson as he left the question hanging in the air.

"Oh, thank Merlin no." Harry shuddered in revulsion as he unconsciously tightened his grip on Tracey. "He's never been fast enough to lay a hand on me…" He paused a moment, before reluctantly amending his statement. "Not in a long time at least."

Tracey looked at the boy a moment, before pulling up his hands and studying them suddenly far more intensely. As she felt the heavy calluses, she frowned deeply and then looked up at him with an expectant glare. When he made no move to respond, she stuck out a finger and firmly prodded it against his stomach, before waiting again, still glaring.

"I do a lot of chores and housework." It was the only response he really had, he shrugged non-committedly. "I and I play the guitar every chance I get at Ger's. Why the fingers are that way."

"Address." Tracey said only that single word, giving him a hard look as her icy blue eyes met his.

He paused a moment, before shaking his head. "No."

"Address." She repeated, more forcefully this time as she reached up and grabbed hold of him. "Not lettin' go without it."

"Tracey, it's a bad, bad idea." Harry spoke softly, as he reached up and gently stroked his fingers through her hair. "You show up and it'll just cause trouble. Dudley will try to hit on you, or worse, and Vernon… Yeah… And once you're gone… it won't be pretty, trust me."

A glimmer of understanding was starting to appear in Daphne's eyes as she watched the pair's interactions, and a cold pit suddenly rippled deep in her stomach. Her eyes widened, she flicked her eyes over to Sirius and Gerald, only to find Sirius' fixed on his godson with that same haunted look in his eyes as the boy and her friend. Turning her gaze over, she found Gerald's eyes meeting her own, and answering the horrified question in her eyes with a single quiet nod.

Guilt assaulted her as she quietly let her mind detach from the scene in front of her, observing, but not quite fully registering everything that was going on as she turned her own thoughts inwards.

"How about a compromise?" Gerald offered up as he looked at the redhead refusing to let go of Harry. "I'll show you to my shop, it's where Harry spends most of his free time anyway. He needs to drop off his guitar anyway. So I can take you there now."

"It's not his?" Tracey lightly ran her finger down the guitar's neck as he reluctantly loosened her grip on the boy, her brows knotted in confusion. "It feels like his."

"I try taking it to their place, they either try to confiscate it, try to break it, or try to keep my from practicing or any combination of it all," Harry said flatly as he lightly laid his hand atop Tracey's. "Yes, it is mine though."

"Fine. But I expect you to actually show up, got it?" Tracey glared sharply at the boy she'd never really talked to before tonight, but there was just something about him, something in his music, something in his eyes, something in his voice that drew her in.

"Got it." He agreed with a slight smile on his lips as he felt her reluctantly let go. Unstrapping his guitar, he hesitated a moment, before handing it over to Tracey. "I've got to go, make sure this get's to Ger's will you?"

Wordlessly, the girl nodded, clutching the instrument to her chest with a gentle desperation as she watched the boy smile at her before she felt his fingers curling lightly against her neck. Gently he drew her forth, and for a moment, she could feel the tender brush of his lips against hers, a kiss, full of tenderness and gentle care this time, before he released her and offered her a smile. "Just remember to take care of yourself too, all right?"

With Tracey's slow, firm nod, he turned his head, looking over to where Daphne wore a full expression of confusion on her face, while she nervously bit her lower lip. The inkling and suspicions, the slight confirmation, she knew those things happened in the world. Objectively, she understood, as much as she loathed it, that there were those kind of people out there. That both her best friend, and the bloody Boy-Who-Lived had suffered at their hands, was a truly terrifying thing.

She still wore that look of dawning horror in her eyes, when Harry moved over to her, and she could feel his fingers lightly brushing through her hair, tracing her, touching her with such an exquisite motion, that she for a moment, she could feel that horrified revelation dim to an almost after thought. Then, she could feel how those calloused fingers wrapped against the creamy flesh of her neck, and she felt herself surrendering to the light brush of his lips upon her own. A kiss, for a moment, so fleeting and powerful all the same before she could hear his words lightly whispered down to her ear. "Don't push her to tell you. Just let her know that it doesn't make you think any less of her."

And with that, Harry Potter pulled back, smiling once more to the two girls, before with a final sweeping bow and a self depreciating smile, he slipped away with his godfather. In his wake, the two girls turned their attentions expectantly to the man left behind as Gerald offered them a slight, mysterious smile. "So then, I suppose I have a destination to show you hm?"

Grin in place, he led the silent, contemplative pair, off into the night, his own mind a whirl with revelations and the first sparks of genuine anger he'd felt in many, many years.


	8. HP: Symphonic Relations

Symphonic Relations

Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling; Castlevania to Konami.

Author's notes: Ugh, I can't believe I'm writing this _

Harry Potter stared down at the letter in his hand, before turning his attention to fierce looking horned owl glaring down at him. Glancing over the letter once more, Harry raised a newly 14 year old brow and couldn't help but comment, "Shouldn't you be a bat?"

Immediately ruffling its feathers indignantly, the howl let off an indignant chuff as it glared down at the boy in front of it.

Chuckling softly, Harry shrugged for a moment before slowly, carefully reading over the letter in a bit more detail. Pursing his lips again, Harry shook his head before glancing over at Hedwig, showing her the letter. "What do you think girl?"

The snowy white owl shifted slightly before peering down at the letter for a moment, her head shifting slightly to the side. After a moment, she slowly drew back, before ruffling her feathers in imitation of a shrug. A moment later a soft hoot escaped her beak, as if to say, 'Why're you asking me? I'm just an owl, what do I know?'

"Well, I'm just a boy, what do I know?" Harry shot back before looking at the still annoyed looking horned owl. "So, when's he showing up?"

A sudden, heavy knock sounded through the air, reverberating all the way up to the room in which he was locked, causing Harry to jump slightly in surprise. Looking over at the suddenly straightened horned owl, his brow rose slightly. "I take it that's him?"

Sighing softly, Harry shook his head before slowly standing up and stretching out as he yawned slightly. "Well, almost anyone would be better than the Dursleys... I hope he's right about Mum being adopted."

For a few minutes, nothing could be heard, before suddenly there was a heavy stomping on the stairs before the heavy clicks of locks could be heard. When then finished the door was suddenly flung open as a flustered and sweating Vernon Dursley glared down at him. For a moment, then man said nothing, merely turning a most unnatural shade in his ire before he thrust a meaty hand towards the stairs.

"There's… There's one of those freaks like you down stairs asking for you, boy. Make him go away, NOW!" The man was growling softly, his voice stammering with a flood of emotion before he noticed the second owl in the room. "ANOTHER one of those freakish beasts?!"

Harry blinked back at the man slightly, before lightly shrugging as he looked at his Uncle. "You do realize that if he is like me, and is a grown man, he doesn't have any restrictions on using magic on you, right Uncle Vernon?"

As the man paled visibly, Harry offered up a neutral look. "That means, if he wants to hex you for insulting him, he's quiet capable." The boy paused a moment before he glanced over at the letter on the bed. "Of course, if he's who I think he is, a simple hexing would be the least of your worries."

"You… just go downstairs and get him out of my house!"

"Sure, 'Uncle' Vernon," Harry responded simply before slipping past the bloated man, and walking down the stairs to meet the man waiting for him.

He wore an elegant black business suit as he stood with a calm, almost regal bearing, his long, straight black hair combed, neatly as it fell past his shoulders. His skin was almost unnaturally pale, seeming almost grey in its tone as he arched an elegant brow up on his face. Pale, almost silvery eyes studied Harry for a moment, before a slight, ghost of a smile passed those lips.

"Harry I take it?" There was a trace of an accent in his words, barely hinting at somewhere at eastern European.

The boy nodded in turn as he studied the man in front of him carefully, before warily offering up his own guess, "Adrian Belmont?"

"Received my letter I take it?" The man offered his words with a slight little smile as he studied the boy carefully.

"Yes Sir." Harry nodded as he shifted lightly where he stood. "Though, I have to admit, I'm a bit… Leery of believing you, all things considered."

"Yes, I do understand, it was a trying year for you, wasn't it?" Adrian smiled slightly before he would flick his attention disdainfully towards Vernon Dursley. "And you haven't had the best examples of what your family should be."

"I'm afraid not, Sir." Harry responded quietly, offering the man a slightly apologetic look.

"Not to worry." Adrian waved his hand slightly. "Fortunately, I saw that this might be an issue, so I have… recruited one of your parents' friends to accompany us while the truth of what I said is verified."

"Who?" Harry blinked slightly in surprise, before finally Vernon Dursley could hold himself in restraint no longer.

"Now, see here, who do you think you are, coming into my house, and… and…" Vernon Dursley sputtered his face burning as his eyes almost seemed to bulge out of his head.

For a moment, the man called Adrian turned his head, merely, glaring with those pale, cold orbs at the man, before he spoke. "I am someone, and something, that you should tread lightly around, Dursley." He paused a moment, studying the bloated figure for a moment before snorting slightly. "Rather difficult for you I'm sure, but you'd do best to watch yourself."

"You…you…" The man practically quivered in rage before Adrian sighed slightly and turned his eyes to Harry.

"We really must get you away from these cretins." Adrian noted casually. "They're obviously having a detrimental effect on your development."

"Well, since there hasn't been anyone else around to take me in, what with Sirius being falsely imprisoned and what not, I've been stuck taking what I can get." Harry countered with a slight shrug of his shoulders.

"Ah yes, Mr. Black." Adrian nodded his head, pale lips pursed for the moment. "I have some of my associates looking into his situation. From what I understand, there are a number of… irregularities, in his case."

Finally, unable to restrain himself any further, Vernon Dursley choose that moment to lunge at the expensively dressed man who had been so casually ignoring and insulting him. With no want in hand, Vernon had thought the man an easy target to overwhelm suddenly. It was quite a shock, when the man had almost casually caught his hand with his own, all without even looking at the man.

"Really, it's rather troublesome how far the magical world has fallen." The black haired man continued, without even looking at Vernon as he began to apply pressure to the man's bloated fist, ignoring the piggish squeal of pain that escaped his fat lips. "No trial, all assumptions? Tsk. That simply won't do."

"Um, are you really gonna continue doing that?" Harry asked hesitantly, eyes flickering over to where Vernon was on his knees, grasping at his wrist in pain.

"Hmm? Well, I was trying to make certain the messaged seeped in. It usually takes longer for the dumb ones to realize how much trouble they're actually in," Adrian responded with a casually squeeze on Vernon's hand for emphasis.

"I meant, are you really going to keep TOUCHING him? I mean…"Harry let his words trail off before he shrugged just a bit.

"Ah, too true," Adrian admitted before releasing the man's hand even as a soft crack could be heard outside the house. "And I do believe our escort is here."

"Harry?!" An almost panicked looking Remus Lupin quickly rushed into number 4 Privet Drive, his amber eyes glinting warily as his wand was drawn, a large black dog growling at his side. "What's going on here?!"

"I might've simply said in my letter that he was needed for something concerning your safety." Adrian admitted with a hint of a smile on his lips.

"Professor." Harry grinned slightly back at the haggard looking man before the grin blossomed into a smile at the dog, "Snuffles."

Adrian's eyes grew distant for a moment, before he smiled slightly. "Ah I see. Snuffles."

"Harry, what exactly is going on here?" Remus practically demanded, his wand still leveled Adrian's bemused looking form.

"Um, how about we discuss this outside?" Harry offered helpfully as he gestured towards the still whimpering Vernon. "Wouldn't want to subject the Dursleys to anymore unnaturalness after all."

Nodding warily as Remus watched Harry walk up to the transformed Sirius Black, petting the dog atop his head. When said dog flashed the boy a slightly flat look, Harry grinned unapologetically and lead the three men out into the lawn. Once there, he took a slow deep breath before beginning to speak.

"Ok, this is Adrian Belmont…"

Instantly Remus seemed to jump, his wand again leveled at Adrian as his eyes grew hard and wary. Seeing this, another small smile crossed Adrian's lips and he chuckled softly. "Belmonts only hunt the creatures that would prey on humanity Mr. Lupin. Besides, I am only a Belmont by marriage, her name is quite preferable to my own."

Nodding reluctantly the werewolf slowly lowered his wand, but eyed the man with a heavy wariness. As Harry continued.

"…Who claims that my mother was actually adopted, and is her biological half brother." As he finished he could help but smile slightly at the sudden drop of both man and dog's jaws. "He wants to verify this claim, and asked Professor Lupin along to ensure its authenticity."

As the gobsmacked looks alternated between Adrian and Harry, the boy himself sighed slightly and grumbled just a bit. "You do know, I'm stuck listening to Hermione rattling on and on about this and that, right? Some of it DOES rub off."

"Perhaps, we can adjourn this meeting to Diagon Alley? Would a Gringotts test of blood relation work as proof?" Adrian offered up, a slight smile on his lips. "Oh, and please do try to keep from catching too many flies, hmm?"

Jaws snapping shut, werewolf and animagus stared once more before the black dog ruffled his fur with a slight growl at the man but nodded his acceptance. His lips twitching, Harry reached down, petting the dog once more atop his head as he looked at Adrian. "Don't mind Snuffles here, no one got around to getting him fixed. Maybe we could stop on the vet on our way back?"

Immediately the dog's hind quarters crossed as he let off a barking whimper, staring up at Harry with soulful, pleading eyes. Chuckling himself now, Remus chose to speak up. "Watch out, Harry, no one can pull off the puppy dog eyes like Padfoot here."

"What're you doing, freak?" A harsh, sneering voice called out as the two men, dog, and boy turned their head to see thick frame of Dudley Dursley and his friends stalking down the sidewalk. "Don't you know you and your fellow freaks aren't supposed to be out where normal people can see you?"

Harry immediately tensed up as he tightened his fingers into Padfoot's fur, his green eyes narrowing slightly. Before he could respond, he could feel a hand on each shoulder, Remus on one side, Adrian on the other as they regarded the boys carefully. Turning their heads, the men regarded once another slowly, a silent communication before Remus inclined his head to the man.

"Little boy." Adrian's words dripped with scorn as he glared down at the obese child. "As apparently your father has failed to teach you even the basest manners that every decent 'normal' society, I will overlook your rather contemptuous demeanor. However, if I learn you've made any attempt to further… instigate things with young Harry here… I will be MOST displeased."

A flash of crimson in his eyes immediately silenced whatever boasts or defiance as the man revealed a pair of suddenly fanged canines that gleamed lightly in the light. "Believe me… you would not want to see me displeased."

The boys took one look at man before they as one turned tail and ran, leaving a bemused looking Adrian to smile innocently at the rest of the group. "What?"

"It's simply… surprising to see a Belmont of all people displaying such things." Remus noted neutrally as he would lightly study the man in front of him. "And it doesn't exactly make me feel better about Harry's safety."

"The main Belmont line, and most of its cadet branches have had vampire blood in them since the 15th century." His lips quirked into a smile as he would smile down at Harry, his appearance returned to how it had been before once more. "It's simply something most have forgotten, or would never willingly admit."

"Well, I suppose such a famed family of hunters would see that as a bit of a… blemish." Remus allowed neutrally as Harry watched the play between the two men.

"Only to those who have lost themselves in the legend of our family, instead of it's truth." He paused a moment, frowning slightly as he sighed. "Which, seems more and more to be the case. It would seem the valiant blood of the Belmonts I have been so proud of, has grown thin and weak over time."

For a moment, Remus said nothing, studying the man with him before he would simply nod, his eyes troubled. "Shall we adjourn to Diagon Alley then? Harry?"

"Sure," Harry said softly, staring up at the man with wide, uncertain eyes, glancing towards Adrian next as he clung lightly to Padfoot.

-o-O-o-

"Is this going to hurt?" Harry asked quietly, the tone of his voice not exactly afraid, simply adverse to the thought.

"A bit, yes." Remus admitted as he would lay a comforting hand on the boy's shoulder. "It won't last long though."

A look of quiet resignation crossed the boy's face as he looked over at the sour faced goblin holding the knife a small empty basin. Sticking his hand out, he met the goblin's eyes and refused to flinch when he felt the blade pierce his skin. He refused to react to the trickle of blood he could feel welling up, then dribbling down into the container beneath it. With an impressed nod of his head, the goblin finally removed the blade, unmarked flesh marred only by the smear of blood.

Pulling his hand back, the boy wiped away the remaining blood on a near by towel that promptly reduced itself to ash, destroying the remainder of his blood. Turning his head he watched as the procedure was repeated for Adrian in the basin. After a moment, the goblin pulled out a few leafs of parchment before taking a bit of blood for each container and dropping them onto one sheet.

"This will reveal any blood relation between the two parties." The goblin stated formally as he looked at the group in front of him, before the dab of Harry's blood morphed into the simple word 'Nephew' while Adrian's became 'Uncle.' "Now that has been cleared up, will there be anything else?"

While everyone else stared at the resulting words, a look of smiling satisfaction dawning on Adrian's Remus dipped his wand into Adrian's blood, then with a whispered incantation, flicked it onto another of the pieces of parchment with a pulse of magic. The parchment immediately grew and expanded into a well branched and diversified family tree. While the rest of the room stared in shock, Remus repeated the process with Harry's blood, though the incantation was slightly different as he flicked the blood onto the parchment.

The family tree his revealed, was far smaller, simply showing the boy's parents and grandparents, but it seemed no less shocking. With a sigh of resignation Remus slumped down into an empty chair. Ignoring the slightly affronted outrage on Adrian's face Remus placed away his wand, before he spoke. "So, that's who you are."

"Um, Professor? Remus?" Harry spoke up tentatively what's all this…?"

"A heritage spell, Harry." Adrian supplied quietly as he looked suddenly tired himself as he took a seat on the opposite side of the room. "He cast a spell, with your blood and the parchment to reveal your heritage and in a way my own."

"Why's yours so much longer than mine then?" Something wasn't quite right about this, Harry was certain about that as his eyes turned from Adrian to Remus. "Remus?"

"His, only shows his parents, the rest… are his descendants." Remus reached down, lightly stroking Padfoot's head as he locked his amber eyes onto Harry's own. "He is Adrian Farenheights Tepes-Belmont. The husband of Sofia Belmont. The father of Trevor. The man known as Alucard, the half human son of Dracula."

The goblin had lost the stern superiority he'd worn before, and was now staring at Adrian in absolute terror. As a dawning realization hit him, the goblin turned his head and stared again at Harry. A quivering fear saturated the room, before Adrian smirked slightly and spoke up. "Need I remind you, goblin, that any information revealed in these proceedings is bound by oaths of privacy hm?"

"N-n-no, m'lord!" The goblin practically squawked his words as he stared wide eyed from one to the other. "A-a-all information, of, of these proceedings, is held, in the strictest c-c-confidence!"

"So good of you to remember." With a smooth smile on his lips, Adrian gestured towards the parchments and remaining blood, a ball of hell fire shooting out, incinerating it all in front of the still fear struck goblin, "That will be all we require of your services for now. You are dismissed."

As the goblin practically fled the room, Harry turned his confused eyes to the almost brooding Remus. "Professor… what's going on?"

"Yeah, Mooney." A restored Sirius Black added, his arms crossed as he looked down at his friend. "What IS going on?"

The werewolf leaned back and let loose a short, bitter laugh, before he shook his head. "The only way, for Lily to have been related to Adrian is if they shared the same father."

Realization dawned on Sirius' eyes as those cool grey orbs bugged out in shock. "Lils was…"

"A dhampyr." Adrian spoke up softly, his voice subdued as he leaned back against his couch. "After her mother died and my father… faded away, I left her with parents I knew would love and care for her. She grew up, normal, loved and in the light, knowing nothing of our father and his ways."

"Would someone please tell me what this all means?!" Harry demanded his emerald eyes flashing brightly for a moment as he glared at his parents' friends.

"It means Harry, that you're the grandson of one of the oldest, Darkest beings known to the Wizarding world." Remus said softly, his amber eyes shining slightly, glistening in the light. "That you are one quarter vampire."

Harry's face became as ash as he looked at Remus before his eyes darted over to Adrian, his body trembling before his voice could be heard whispering out. "Then, I really am a freak…"

Instantly he could feel his godfather's arms wrapped about him, pulling the boy close as he could feel the man shaking his head. "Never Harry! You're no freak. You're the son of two of the best people I ever knew. Your mum most of all."

"Heritage is only a part of who we are, Harry James Potter." Adrian spoke up, softly, his solemn voice somehow echoing around them. "We are still given choices as to what we make of that heritage. A choice, about who we will be. My mother and my Sonya helped me to find my choice, and for over 500 years I have stood against the darkness. Fighting where needed, aiding others."

"Finding pretty blonde lovers?" Remus offered up a tinge of dry humor in his voice.

Adrian glared slightly at the werewolf, before slightly nodding his head, "I will admit… in the centuries since my Sonya died… I have taken lovers."

"Well, then I guess that's understandable," Sirius admitted as he lightly elbowed Remus in the side. "Speaking as someone who spent 12 years, not even able to LOOK at a pretty face, I for one would love to be spending some quality time with..."

It was Harry's turn to elbow his godfather, as he gave the man a light little glare before looking over at Adrian, as he took a slow deep breath, then looked him in the eye. "So, what does all this mean for me?"

"Some magics might come easier to you than others, some might be harder. I honestly... don't know the full extent of what you're capable of," Adrian admitted quietly, his lips pursed for a moment as he regarded the boy carefully. "My son, the only other I've ever known like you, never awoke much of anything of his heritage. He could use some magics, just as all his line could, holy relics, designed to banish creatures of the dark."

For a moment, Adrian's eyes grew distant, a sad, soft smile on his lips. "He was stronger, faster for his size that he should have been, but that was about all of it." He shook his head for a moment, before looking seriously at Harry. "The relics he carried, the weapon he bore might've had something to do with it, but, I honestly couldn't tell you."


	9. HP: Black Flower

A Black Flower

Disclaimer: Harry Pottery belongs to JK Rowling; and I am screwed up royally in the head, read at your own discretion

Author's notes: Just so ya'll know, I do throw revisions and updates of some of these ideas, even if I don't move them over to separate fics. So, you might occasionally want to go back through them.

-*-O-*-

"Ah, Apollina! So good to see you again!" Andromeda Tonks spoke up, a smile on her lips as she hugged the French half Veela and kissed each of her cheeks. "It's been too long, you remember my husband Ted, don't you?"

"Oui," the well aged blonde woman agreed with a smile as she nodded to the shaggy muggleborn wizard. "It has been a long time, Andromeda. Ted. This is my husband, Anton Delacour."

The refined looking French wizard smiled gently to the other couple and nodded as he shook Ted's hand, "A pleasure."

"A long time indeed," Andromeda agreed with a slight little smile. "When last we met, it wasn't Apollina Delacour."

The half Veela witch blushed demurely and nodded. "What with everything happening here in England, I didn't want to cause any discomfort… and then, that awful happenstance with your cousin…"

"Ah." Andromeda looked away for a moment, her eyes clouded over as she could feel Ted's hands resting down on her shoulders. "I couldn't bring myself to at the time… But I have recently had reason to look into what happened back then."

"Ah.. So, the rumors of his escape were true?" There was a flash of something across Apollina's eyes, before a troubled expression fell on her features.

"Yes, but at the same time, the rumors of his conviction weren't." Andromeda said softly shaking her head with a frown. "Which, is most curious. All those witnesses, and they had him caught. A simple matter of questioning him under veritaserum. Instead, they locked him away, for all that time, without a trial. Rather curious don't you think?"

"Excuse me," Anton spoke up, a slight frown on his lips as he entered the conversation. "I'm afraid I'm not as familiar as the rest of you on this matter…"

"My cousin, Sirius Black, was accused of betraying the Potters to the Dark Lord 13 years ago now," Andromeda recounted quietly. "Then blowing up a street full of muggles to kill his other friend, Peter Pettigrew. They only found a finger of Peter's remains."

"Only a finger?" Anton clarified as he frowned slightly, his brow's pressing together. "Nothing else?"

"I checked." Andromeda stated simply as she leaned back in her seat. "I was… given reason recently to check into the circumstances. Only a finger was found. Peter accused Sirius of betraying the Potters, then that section of the street blew up. A dozen muggles died and yet, the curious thing was, no one saw Sirius cast a spell, in fact, he was blasted back and knocked unconscious by the blast himself, never having a chance to say a thing."

"The finger was intact?" Anton once more asked for a slight clarification on the matter as his face drew even more tightly into a frown.

"Yes." Andromeda nodded once more as she leaned back in the stands as she looked out over the lake as the awaited the start of the second task of the Tri-Wizard Tournament.

"Any explosion that would leave a finger intact, would leave far more than only that," the Frenchman growled as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Are the Aurors in this country completely incompetent?"

"My daughter is an Auror." Andromeda stated casually, as her dark eyes bore back into the suddenly uncomfortable Frenchman before softening slightly. "But, only in her first year. And, yes, a great many of the Aurors in England are incompetent, or controlled by people more interested in their own position than what's right."

"Well, I'm sure you know what my little Fleur is up to… How has little Nymphadora been?" Apollina smiled at the slightly older woman as she shifted just a bit in her seat. "Did she ever get any little brothers or sisters?"

Ted's face shifted into a look of absolutely horror as Andromeda giggled softly in response. "Thank Merlin no! Nymphadora on her own was bad enough… having more of them like her?"

"I love my daughter." Ted said with absolute certainty. "But that girl… was an absolute menace growing up."

"I was shocked when she some how managed to con the Sorting hat into putting her into Hufflepuff." Andromeda agreed, a slightly wistful smile on her lips. "I thought for certain she'd go into Gryffindor or Slytherin."

"Aw, Mum!" A new voice spoke up cheerfully as a girl with bright pink hair and a pretty, heart shaped faced plopped down next to the Tonks. "Don't you know? No one ever suspects a Puff!"

"Apollina, I'm sure you remember my dear, 'sweet' daughter, Nymphadora, don't you?" Andromeda asked with an exaggerated with of suffering. "Nymphadora, this Apollina and Anton Delacour. We met Apollina years ago when you were just a little girl."

"Around two as I recall," Apollina agreed with a smile as she nodded to the bright haired Auror. "And I see your choice in hair color hasn't improved much since then."

"I was unaware that the English had such… lax standards on appearance." Anton said gruffly as he looked at the bright haired girl with a touch of distain.

"Anton!" Apollina hissed slightly as she lightly struck his arm firmly. "I apologize for my husband. He sometimes takes his job a little too seriously."

"Eh, no worries." Nymphadora shrugged before suddenly her hair began to cycle through a virtual rainbow of colors, both natural and those bordering on eye bleeding in intensity. "I'm an off duty morpher Auror. My appearance is however I want it to be."

"Oh." The man looked slightly flustered and apologetic, before he suddenly got a gleam in his eyes as he studied the young woman. "I am most curious on an insider's perspective on your DMLE. Auror to Auror of course."

"Depends on how much Fudge feels like interfering that month." The metamorph shrugged as her face twisted into annoyance. "Or, how much he's letting other Department heads interfere, or.. well the list kinda just keeps going on and on to be honest."

"All right, you two can talk shop later," Apollina interject with a smile. "Here comes Fleur."

As the teenaged champion of Beauxbatons walked up to the platform, her hair shining slightly in the sun, her eyes glanced through the crowds until she found her parents' gaze smiling proudly back at her. Allowing a genuine smile to pass her lips, she nodded back to them in a graceful manner before her eyes darted for a moment to the couple they sat with. The instant her eyes met Andromeda's something sparked inside of her.

Like a thick, black fire, pulsing through her veins. The feeling, tugging at her, telling her, she should know this woman, it was telling her that this woman was connected to her in a way that she hadn't even really understood before. As if something she'd been missing her whole life and never known before. In desperation, she tore her eyes away from the woman's moving them, meeting those of the man she assumed was her husband, before when they met that of a girl with shocking pink hair, she could again feel that sensation, pouring through her.

Her eyes widening in shock, Andromeda suddenly tore her eyes onto the Frenchwoman next to her, as her voice spoke in a hoarse whisper. "Oh, Apollina, what have you done?!"

"Mum… what's going on?" Nymphadora spoke up, her eyes slightly dilated as she met Fleur's own, the sensation, pulling at her, before she tore her eyes away and looked at her mother. "Is that…?"

The half-veela woman sat, rigid in shock, her eyes widening with panic, even as she spoke in a guarded, wooden tone. "I am not sure what you're referring to, Andromeda."

"Black blood always calls true." Andromeda's voice whispered loud enough for them all to hear, to push into their minds. "Blood calls blood, so no matter what, we always know family when we meet."

As a shaken Apollina looked away, refusing to meet Andromeda and Nymphadora's gazes, Anton slowly spoke as he looked at them both carefully, his face schooled to neutrality. "What exactly would you be implying?"

"Fleur's birthday is in Spring, isn't it." Andromeda spoke, more statement than question as she turned her gaze directly to Anton.

Slowly, carefully the man nodded his head, and Ted visibly winced next to his wife. "Yes, it is."

"Why didn't you tell him, Apollina?" The friendliness was gone from her voice as for the first time, in recent memory, Andromeda suddenly resembled her sisters in ways that made both her husband and daughter shift uncomfortably.

"Many reasons," Apollina admitted quietly as she looked down at her still confused daughter, her eyes glisteningly slightly. "None of them now seeming good enough."

"Um, mum? You care to fill me in?" Nymphadora spoke up, her eye color swirling as she shifted, anxiously in her seat.

"Fleur Delacour," Andromeda stated as she met Anton's gaze with her own steely eyes, "Should have been Fleur Black. She is Sirius' daughter by blood."

The man merely nodded slightly in admittance to what the woman said, and grateful to the addition of "by blood."

"I was not aware of just who her natural father was," Anton admitted quietly, his eye growing distant for a moment. "Apollina told me that he was lost in the war against Voldemort."

"He was 16." Apollina spoke up again, her eyes distant, "A charming scoundrel of a young man. Utterly incorrigible, and with a breath taking love of life. He had just been disowned by his mother… How could I tell him, when he hadn't even finished his education that he was going to be a father? I would not take any child of mine here, when she would be a target of that filth, and he would not, could not turn his back on what was happening."

"You still should have told him," Andromeda said firmly, refusing to back down as she met Apollina's eyes resolutely.

"Ah, but he wasn't the only one who was young, and foolish," the French half Veela agreed softly and nodded her head in agreement. "And by the time I knew any better… It was too late. Though, I could never quite believe I had been so wrong about that young man I had met, and the villain they claimed he'd become."

"Nymphadora," Andromeda spoke up after a moment, her lips pursing slightly. "Would you go find Snuffles?"

"Snuffles?" Anton spoke up a brow quirking with a slight bit of humor in his eyes.

"Harry Potter's pet dog," Ted replied, his own lips drawn upwards as he leaned slightly back. "Bear of dog he is… people in certain parts, even think he's a Padfoot."

Apollina's eyes widened for a moment, before she turned head from Andromeda, catching the slight nod of her head before quickly composing herself with an unreadable expression on her face. "Yes, I suppose it would be good for you to go get this 'Snuffles' before things get too 'serious.'"

"Right." Nymphadora nodded her head, before quickly standing up and starting to amble away. "I'll find him… but I'm not giving the mangy mutt a bath this time!"

-o-O-o-

A scratched, bleeding and quite panicked Fleur was being helped out of the water just as Nymphadora returned, a great shaggy black dog trotting sullenly behind her with a piece of rope tied firmly about his neck. Glaring, balefully at the young woman, the dog gave the distinct impression of plotting some sort of vengeance upon her to those who looked their way. An impression that was of course, quickly discarded, after all, dog didn't plot much of anything, now did they.

"Well, took me a bit, but I managed to round up the mangy mutt," the bright haired girl said with a bubbly grin as she gave the leash a slight tug. "He's a wily one, I'll give him that, but in the end, I always catch the dog!"

The dog seemed to glare at her even harder before he caught sight of Apollina and Andromeda. His eyes widening, he immediately lunged forward, the leash ripped out of Nymphadora's hand as he flew through the air, knocking Apollina onto her back, his muzzle dipping down, his mouth, opening to reveal a string of jagged teeth. And then, he began his assault, licking away at the Frenchwoman's face with a visible glee.

Anton Delacour had immediately drawn his wand as he saw the best lunging for his wife. Only to find himself restrained by a simple hand from Andromeda Tonks as she nodded down towards where Apollina was struggling to escape the slobbering assault. After a moment's pause as he listened to his wife shrieking slightly, trying to push the happy beast off of her, he left loose a sound that sealed his fate. He chuckled.

Her eyes narrowed, Apollina Delacour glared at her husband a moment before looking back at the massive dog licking at her. Shaking her head with a growl, she reached up and finally grabbed hold of the offending tongue as she hissed out a response. "All right you little Padfoot… If you don't get off me right now…"

Immediately recognizing the threat in her eyes, the dog paused a moment before glancing down, meaningfully at his tongue, and waiting, patiently. Glowering softly, the woman grudgingly released the wet length of pink flesh, "Fine, but if you don't…. GAH!"

The dog snuck in one last, long slurp before jumping back, and plopping itself down on its haunches, grinning a happy grin back at her. As the half-Veela stood, her body stiff and rigid as she attempted to regain some measure of dignity, she flicked her wand carefully over herself, cleaning away the signs of her assault. Andromeda looked at her critically for a moment, before withdrawing her own wand, and with a flick, Apollina's hair rearranged itself once more into a stylish arrangement.

Nodding gratefully towards the woman, she sighed none the less, "I had hoped he'd grown out of those… greetings." She glared at the dog for a moment, who smiled back at her innocently, before she shifted her hardening gaze onto Anton. "And as for my HUSBAND… Leaving me to that brute's mercies?"

"What can I say, my heart?" the man replied with a smile as he leaned in, brushing his fingers upon her cheek for a moment. "It was quite humorous."

"Don't think for a moment that gets you out of trouble." Apollina huffed slightly, before she heard the apologetic whine that rose from 'Snuffles'' muzzle as the dog hung his head in shame. "Oh, stop that you big baby, I'm going to assume little Nymphadora didn't tell you about my marital status."

"And don't you get any ideas you." Said Auror in training brandished her wand directly at the softly chuffing dog. "I might not be able to hex Mum, or her," She nodded towards Apollina. "But I can definitely hex you, you mangy mutt."

At Anton's raised brow, Ted chuckled slightly as he answered the unspoken question. "Dora has a… dislike of her name."

"You try being a bloody Metamorphamagus with a first name that starts with 'Nymph' and see how much you like it." The young woman countered as she huffed slightly then glared again at the innocently smiling dog.

"Nymphadora." Andromeda chided her daughter, her look reproving. "You have a lovely name, and stop trying to hide it." Turning her head, she then looked down at the oversized dog smiling as cheekily as a dog could. "And as for you… We have some things to discuss with you after the trial is over."

At the dog's whining, Andromeda sighed and gave a slight nod of her head. "Yes, you can bring Harry, it's about time we were reintroduced, don't you agree?" When eager dog, nodded its head and lunged towards Andromeda, intent up giving her the same treatment he'd early given Apollina, there was brief flash of magic and the dog was frozen and suspended before he could finish. "And none of that now."

Grinning slightly impishly, Apollina discreetly waved her wand, cancelling the spells the dog was under, sending him the rest of the way into Andromeda. As confused as the woman he had pinned beneath him for a moment, the grim like dog shrugged itself before immediately slobbering all over the woman. After a moment of this and much protest by her, the dog finally bounced off of her, before quickly darting over and hiding behind the pink haired Nymphadora.

"It was only fair." Apollina responded to the glare Andromeda send her, her own face lit up with a cheeky grin , before she flicked her wand in a few rapid motions and the woman was quickly restored to her state prior to the dog's slobbering assault.

"Um, Apollina?" Ted spoke up, a slight note of caution in his voice. "Do you really want to find out why 'Romeda, was Sirius' favorite cousin?"

Apollina paused a moment, looking down at the grumbling Andromeda before carefully observing her nails. "Depends… do you really want to find out why he liked me so much before he even found out I was part Veela?"

The dog was looking back and forth between the two women, his eyes wide and a broad, happy grin on his face as he plopped down on his haunches once more and simply watched.

Anton sighed softly as he stood next to Ted, shaking his head lightly. "And I had thought she and Fleur were past this stage…"

"Yes, well…" Ted shrugged slightly before smirking down at the dog, "'Snuffles' here seems to have a knack for bringing out the worst in people."

"Humph!" The dog glared up at Ted as it chuffed out its response, before primly raising its muzzle and looking away, sniffing loudly in distain.

"I think you should take Snuffles here to see the vet, Dora." Ted observed casually. "He's obviously coming down with a cold, and when was the last time he got his shots?"

"Not to mention, has he been properly… ahem… Fixed?" Anton suggested, his eyes casually neutral. "I hear the muggles have been quite adamant about such things lately."

The growl that escaped the dog's throat, was enough to silence the pair's only going jokes at the dog's expense, even as he settled down and waited for the trial to end.

-o-O-o-

Harry was blushing slightly under Fleur Delacour's attentions as the French witch thanked him profusely for his actions in regards to her sister, when a soft cough interrupted them. Turning his head, he saw a woman that was most likely Fleur and Gabrielle's mother, standing next to a stern faced man was salt peppered hair that he assumed was most likely her father. At the other side, he saw another man and woman, smiling in bemusement at him, with a pink haired young woman leading a very familiar black dog on a rope leash.

"Snuffles! You made it!" The young man grinned softly as he jumped over to the dog and quickly caught it in a firm hug.

"Mama, Papa," Fleur smiled at her parents, before floundering slightly as she remembered the outcome of her trial. "I am sorry I…"

"Don't worry about it, my dear." The Frenchwoman waved her hand lightly before she reached down, hugging her daughter softly. "You tried your best."

"Still…" The teenaged girl floundered slightly, before wincing just a bit as she reluctantly hugged her back. "Who are…?"

"Ah, forgive me, my dear." Apollina smiled softly as she gestured to the couple. "This is Andromeda 'Nee Black, her husband Ted, and their daughter, Nymphadora. They are old friends we happened to come across, we are also acquainted with young Mr. Potter's… pet Padfoot, Snuffles here."

"Black?" Harry asked in surprise, before his eyes widened even further at the description she had for the dog. Slowly, he looked questioningly at the great black dog, who nodded happily and grinned back at the boy.

"Sirius' cousin," Andromeda agreed, before winking at the boy. "His favorite one by his description, but not a hard title to win, considering I'm the only one he actually likes."

As the dog nodded his head in agreement, Harry offered a slight smile. "All right."

"There is something that we need to talk to Fleur about, but it involves your Snuffles." Andromeda spoke up delicately as she glanced over towards Apollina. "It might be best if you came along as well."

Seeing Apollina's slight, reluctant nod, Fleur looked at her mother in confusion, "Mama? What eez zis about?"

"We'll explain once we're somewhere private, my dear." The half Veela witch assured her daughter before she cast drying charms on both of her daughters.

Seeing the confusion in Snuffles' eyes matching his own, Harry looked questioningly at Andromeda as she responded, "It's something we need Snuffles to be Sirus about."

"Ah," Harry nodded his head, almost simultaneously with the dog's before shrugging just a bit. "Where then?"

Smirking slightly Andromeda flicked her wand with a quick, little motion, and instantly conjured a fairly large sized tent a few feet away from them. "There should suffice."

"Show off." Ted teased affectionately as he lifted up the flap of the tent for the rest to enter.

The woman merely winked back at her husband, her head held high as she strode forth, entering into the tent with an almost regal air, followed moments later by the rest of the group. Looking around, Anton Delacour pursed his lips before with quick, efficient motions, threw up a series of privacy charms about the tent. Nodding just a bit in self satisfaction, he would look down at the dog before he spoke. "It's safe now."

And in an instant, the black dog was replaced by a gaunt, slightly harried looking man, with unkempt black hair, and piercing, blue grey eyes. As he lightly smoothed out his weathered robes, he winced slightly as he saw Harry's disapproving look. "What?"

"You're supposed to be taking better care of yourself now, Sirius." The boy responded as he gave his godfather a slight glare.

"Well, I AM a wanted fugitive you know." Sirius shot back. "Living on the run, never knowing where…"

"Oh, cut the melodrama, Sirius," Andromeda cut him off, glaring slightly at her cousin. "If you weren't such a stubborn mutt, you'd be staying with Ted and I."

"And be subject to your cooking?!" Sirius stared back at his cousin in abject horror. "Are you trying to drive me back to Azkaban woman?!"

"I'm not that bad." Andromeda huffed slightly before crossing her arms with a slight pout on her lips.

"I see not even prison could quite dampen the incorrigible Padfoot, hmmm, Sirius?" Apollina spoke up, a soft, slight smile on her lips. "But, we're forgetting why we're here…" She paused a moment before gesturing to the two confused blonde girls. "Sirius… these are my daughters, little Gabrielle, and Fleur…"

"Ah, a pleasure." The man offered a sweeping bow to the both, a rakish grin on his lips as he started his eyes toward Fleur's own. "I see you both obvious…."

Again Fleur was assaulted by the tugging, longing sensation, deep inside of her, telling her, even louder than before that she should know this man, that she was connected to him so very deeply. "What eez…?"

Sirius stared at the girl, his eyes wide as for a moment, he opened his mouth, then shut it again, speechless for a moment before he turned his eyes questioningly to Andromeda and Apollina.

Sighing softly, the older French woman put her hand on Fleur's shoulder, "Fleur… This is Sirius Black…" Ignoring the look of worried recognition that crossed her daughter's face, Apollina continued softly. "Your father." Turning her head to the staring, wide eyed Padfoot, she met his rapidly blinking gaze. "Sirius… This if Fleur, your daughter."

And with that, two simultaneous thuds could be heard as father and daughter proved they had at least something in common, as they both fainted as one.

"Well," Nymphadora noted, "That went well."

Harry was blinking a moment, staring incredulously at the adults assembled around him. "Fleur is Sirius', my Godfather, daughter? And, he didn't know about her?"

"Oui," Apollina agreed as she looked up from where she was explaining the situation to Gabrielle in French. "There was so much going on… and Sirius was so young…"

"Huh…" Harry frowned a moment, before pursing his lips a bit as he studied the prone form of his Godfather, before sighing softly. "Right about now, I wish I knew a hair coloring charm."

Catching his idea, Nymphadora grinned brightly as she quickly cast a spell, turning Sirius' disheveled black hair, the same brilliant white blonde as Fleur's own. Tapping her lower lip, she frowned slightly as she looked him over. "It's still missing something."

"Hrm…" Harry wordlessly agreed as he studied the pair. "Fleur's hair?"

"That would help," she quickly agreed as she cast the charm, causing Fleur's brilliant white blonde locks to turn to Sirius' dark black.

When Sirius groaned softly and awoke, he lightly rubbed his face and glanced around. "Huh, I just had the weirdest dream, where Apollina went and told me that I had a 17 year old daughter I never knew about who was competing against Harry in the tournament."

"Why, you must have the sight, Sirius!" Andromeda exclaimed with a touch of sarcasm in her words. "That was exactly what we were just about to tell you!"

"Oh." He paused slightly studying the now black haired girl rousing herself across from him. "It wasn't a dream then, was it?"

"Fraid not." Harry agreed with a nod of his head.

"My hair's blonde, isn't it." Sirius continued, his voice slightly dulled as he tried to process just what he'd been told.

"Well, I wanted to slick it back and put you in a girl's Slytherin uniform," Nymphadora spoke up, a cheeky grin on her face before pouting slightly, "But Mum and Harry wouldn't let me."

"There are some things, the world isn't meant to see." Apollina said dryly. "Sirius in a skirt being one of them."

"I'll have you know I look quite fetching in a frock!" Sirius countered glibly, smirking slightly as he started to awaken from his stupor.

"I don't want to know how you know that." Harry said simply before he walked over to a groaning Fleur and offered her his hand. "You all right?"

Taking his hand gingerly in her own, Fleur nodded her head slowly before she allowed herself to be carefully pulled to her feet. "Waz… Waz I dreaming? Mama? Papa?"

Apollina fidgeted slightly before sighing as she shook her head. "No, Fleur, you weren't dreaming. Sirius… is…"

"Her Father." The man in question finished, as Harry nervously noted the look in man's eyes he'd only seen once before, when his Godfather had confronted Peter Pettigrew in the Shrieking Shack. "The father, that you never bothered to inform had a child."

Slowly, Sirius rose up, his eyes starting to blaze as his jaw clenched tightly, teeth bared as a growl began to burn into his mouth. "How… Dare… you…"

"Sirius!" Harry was quickly, grabbing hold of the man and lightly tugging him back. "Stop it!"

Grey eyes flashed in dangerous anger as the man glared down at his godson, but still, he stopped where he stood, the anger still flooding through him before he slumped down, his hands cupping his face as he found himself on the ground. "Merlin, I'm a father."


	10. HP: A Soul's Echoes

The soul exists beyond death, it can transcend time, space and even the barriers of dimension. It is not bound to one form, or one race. In it, is a power that can call out beyond the boundaries of what can and cannot be. Sometimes, a soul is awakened from its slumber, and it can impart lingering effects on its current incarnation.

A change in a past, one extra life included and with the right trigger, everything can change.

A Soul's Echoes.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and co belong to JK. Rowling. The concept is my own.

His heart hammered in his chest, as he heard the racing shudder of his pulse, pumping eagerly through his veins. Outside, through the thin barrier of the tent, he could hear the crowds. Hear their jeers and cheers as they watched the drama unfold before them. He wondered, as he watched each of the three champions exit one by one, how they faired. How would they triumph?

Shaking his head slightly to clear his thoughts, he focused instead on that odd feeling that had been thrumming inside of him since that night he'd followed Hagrid, the night he'd first laid eyes on the full grown dragons. It echoed through him, pulling at his heart and something deeper that ran to his gut. It soothed him, and yet, filled him at times with a throbbing undertone of rage.

Finally, his turn came, and as he stepped into the light, the throbbing pulse in his veins began a sudden, raging torrent, pounding through him. As his eyes adjusted again to sudden intensity of daylight, he stared out across the stadium, watching the collared rage that was the Hungarian Horntail. All around him, he could hear the baying roar of the crowd, their hunger thickening the air as he could feel it pressing down on his shoulders.

Wand clenched tightly in his fingers, he struggled for a moment, feeling the weight burning down on him. The cheers, the jeers, everything in between simply mingled together into a wave of indistinguishable white noise. Finally, almost snapping out of his trance, he raised his wand into the air, ready to unleash the spell he'd so recently pushed himself to Master. Then, his eyes met those of the dragon, roaring in anger, and suddenly everything else dropped away.

Those eyes bore into his own, deep with rage and hunger they pressed, wanting to consume, to devour him whole. Eyes that demanded he quiver and fear before it, as all prey should before its rightful predator. A challenge, that a dark, primal part of him recognized, and fought back against.

The pressure in his veins was pushing harder and harder, throbbing, pulsing now with an angry roar of his own as his eyes locked onto the dragons, and a snarl curled over his lips. The growl that burned from his throat was lost against the roaring din of the crowd, even as the dragon echoed back with her own. Then, the first step came, then another, and with each footfall, the pressure built, stronger and stronger in his veins.

Then, just as sudden as it had begun, the pressure throbbing inside of him, suddenly broke through whatever held it back, and silence fell across the arena as a wave of pure, paralyzing shot through everyone near him. Blazing emerald eyes flecked with gold, as his pupils shifted, turning into angry black slits as they bore into the dragon across from him. There were no thoughts running through his mind, no questions, nothing tangible, nothing concrete. Only wild, primal force ran through his mind and through his body.

The beast in front of him had raised itself in challenge, in Dominance over him, and he now responded in kind. For a moment, a semblance of thought formed in his mind. This lowly, bound creature, DARED to challenge him?! Dared to demand his submission? And with that, he roared in a voice that seemed to break the very air itself and glared back at the damned creature that dared raise its head in defiance.

Suddenly the unfocused waves of fear that rolled off the boy, bore down, focused into a channeled intensity straight into the creature before it. The golden flecks burned through the brilliant emerald in his eyes, leaving them burning orbs of brilliant gold. Teeth, bared and savage, had sharpened, canines becoming almost fangs in his mouth. He hunched slightly forward, his posture defiant, challenging as his fingers curled back, nails lengthening, sharpening into claws as he took another step forward, then another.

It was then, that the horntail faltered, head dropping as the full weight of that force bore down upon it. Tail fallen limply behind it, it finally bowed its head, a slow, whining whimper escaping into the silent air as it stared back at the boy in a mix of fear and awe. Casting one last snarl of victory, the wild surging power inside of him slowly died down, the burning gold melting again into shining emerald as his fingers drew back into only the slightest hint of claws.

Still, traces lingered as he stalked forward, the awkwardness of adolescence gone, banished in favor of a flowing, tensed grace of a predator on the hunt. The hushed silence rang through the air as the boy quietly rose up through the next, snagging the golden egg in his hands before studying it a moment. Behind him, the beast, the mother, gave a soft, pathetic little whimper of protest, its eyes widening, pleading back at the boy.

Without a word, he turned back, bounding quickly through the nest before he stood in front of the creature, without speaking a word as he ran on instinct. Its surface gleaming in the light, he held the egg up to the creature, letting it see it, letting it smell it. A confused whine escaped the dragon's through, as he reached back, lightly running his fingers soothingly against its snout as it came to the simple realization that this egg was not its own and with a slight nod it ceased its protest.

Stroking the creature once more, he nodded his head, before he turned, and without a word, stalked away from the arena.

In his wake, the crowd sat in their seats, a stunned silence in the air. No one cheered, no one booed, no one even dared so much as breath as they watched with slack jawed amazement and fear. At the judges booth, even Albus Dumbledore stood frozen in the sudden store of emotion that threatened to overwhelm him. Finally, two reverent, terrified words left his lips. "Dragon fear."

-o-O-o-

Harry collapsed as soon as he was out of sight, his body shaking, trembling as he could feel the meager contents of his stomach threatening to expel themselves back out. A cold sweat had broken out across his skin, his breath coming in slow, deepening pants as he fell to his knees. Fingers dug down into the cool blades of grass as he trembled and shook where he was. Then, through everything else, the fear burst through.

"Merlin… What the bloody hell was that?" He panted, heavily as his eyes screwed shut, trying, desperately to sort through the muddy mess of sensations that defined the few minutes that had been his trial.

Glancing down, he looked at his fingers, and a slight sound of fear hissed past his lips. He wasn't sure, but they seemed longer, thicker than they had been before, the knuckles more pronounced, but that wasn't what drew his attention. Each of his nails, had thickened, lengthened slightly was a hue that looked a mix between the shiny metallic hues of gold, and the muted properties of rugged bone.

As a sudden flash of memory rose through him, he reached up, pushing those fingers into his mouth, and feeling against his teeth. Were his canines lower, sharper than they'd been before? He ran his tongue across them, and it felt, different, it roamed around his mouth with an ease he'd never known before.

Fear grew thicker in his veins as he could feel his heart, hammering there in his chest. It drove him to push himself up, his knees raised from the cool earth, before he would find himself again on his feet. The egg, clutched in his arms, he ran, practically flying across the ground, faster than he'd ever remembered moving before. Faster still as he raced into the almost completely vacant Hogwarts castle, desperate to find a mirror.


	11. HP:I The Author am screwed up in da head

Disclaimer: I own not of Harry Potter. JK Rowling does.

Author's Notes: I wrote this, purely to get the damned image out of my mind. The plot device is cliched, however, I really just wanted to jump into the character interactions. Meh, ah well.

And... Oi, I had too many ideas to go with this... I might actually have to expand it.

-A Shift-

The spell flashed through the air, and in an instant Harry simply knew it would hit Sirius, dragging him backwards. A part of his mind, was screaming at him that he couldn't let that happen. That he couldn't let Sirius fly backwards. His arm snapped out, his hand grabbing hold of his god father's wrist with a hopeful desperation. Then, the spell impacted against Sirius' chest, and he knew that his strength wasn't enough.

Both of their bodies flew back, and the last thing Harry could see, was Sirius' eyes widening in shock, before they hit the Veil, and knew nothing.

-Waking up-

It was with a slow certainty that Harry Potter awoke, his emerald eyes bleary with the film of sleep beneath his glasses before he pushed himself back. As his mind slowly came into focus, the truth of his situation hit him. He was alive! Glancing down, he quickly noticed he lay atop the still form of his godfather and he immediately felt a wave of panic washing through him.

"SIRIUS! Wake up!" His hands gripping on the side of his godfather's robes, Harry began to quickly shake and jostle the man.

"Wh-ahuh? Mmph... James, lemme sleep." Sirius weakly batted at Harry's arms, not quite opening his eyes more than grey slits as he weakly protested.

"I'm not James, Sirius... It's Harry, and you need to wake up NOW!" the boy practically shouted down into the man's ear, forcing him to shoot up with a started before glaring mildly at his godson.

"Owwww... Wha was that for?" Sirius grumbled slightly as he sat up, looking blearily at Harry before the glaring boy shook him again. "All right, I'm up!"

"What's the last thing you remember?" Harry stared down into the man's eyes, waiting expectantly.

Sirius paused a moment, before his brow furrowed in confusion. "Hmm... This really delightful brunette with a great pair of..."

"Sirius!" Harry cut him off with a growl, before blushing brightly, "You can tell me about the brunette later. Do you remember the Department of Mysteries?"

"Oh yeah... And my dear cousin..." Sirius frowned slightly as he thought his way through the memories. "You grabbed my arm, trying to pull me away from a curse... I got hit... we both flew back..."

"We fell through the veil Sirius." Harry said with a subdued whisper.

"Oh... Bugger." Eyes wide, Sirius slowly looked around them, then frowned. "Huh, if we're dead, where're James and Lils?"

Around them, early morning light was filtering through a vaguely familiar scene. A forest, thick with life and darkened by shadow loomed around them. In the distance, they could hear the vague murmurs of life. Birds, dancing in the air, and creatures making what sounds they so chose to.

"Yeah... you'd think they'd be here wouldn't you?" Harry agreed, a slight smile on his lips before he reached up, rubbing at his scar reflexively. "This place looks familiar though."

"That's true," Sirius admitted with a slight frown and a shrug as he pushed himself to his feet. "So, shall we figure out what spot of trouble we're in now?"

"Ya know, just once, I'd like to be able to see you and it not involve either mortal danger, or a really creepy place." Harry noted as he looked at the ground, before he retrieved his wand, then handed Sirius his own. "Well... Shall we?"

"Well, do you really want to be wandering around the creepy forest, when we have no way of knowing which way is out?" Sirius pointed out as he took his wand in his hand.

"Do you really want to stay put in a creepy forest we have no way of knowing which way is out? Harry countered back, before sighing slightly as he rubbed his forehead once more. "I really, really hope the others are all right."

"Dumbledore was on his way, so they should be fine." Sirius said gently before he looked around the forest again. "Well, let's see... Where should we head?"

"Aren't you the adult here?" Harry asked a slight tinge of amusement in his voice before he frowned slightly. "Probably Hogwarts. Something's... off. My head feels different, like there's this pressure that's suddenly not there."

"Ah Ha! I see." Sirius nodded sagely before he lifted up his wand before pausing slightly. "Huh, wait a minute... Hogwarts... I think we might be in the Forbidden Forest."

"Huh..." Harry paused a moment as he slowly looked around. "Are you sure?"

"Well, I think at least," Sirius amended as he pointed in a particular direction. "I think we need to go that way."

"I suppose it's as good as any." Harry sighed slightly before slumping as they walked, "Well, I certainly buggered this up, didn't I?"

"Eh, don't go blaming yourself for it." Sirius shrugged slightly before grinning a bit. "Look on the bright side, we're alive!"

"As far as we can tell," Harry amended as he stepped over a particularly large root. "Though, if this is the Forbidden Forest, and you lead us to the acromantula nest..."

"There's an acromantula nest in the Forbidden Forest?" Sirius blinked, his eyes wide as he looked at the boy. "How can you be so certain?"

"Ron and I found it, second year. Aragog is a friend of Hagrid's... But he really doesn't like being disturbed." Harry mentioned casually as he would continue to walk through the forest. "Was when we were hunting the basilisk without realizing it. Fortunately, the flying car we crashed into the Whomping Willow saved us."

"... Harry... The more I find out about your life, the more disturbed I am." Sirius observed mildly as he stared back at the boy.

"The more I live my life, the more disturbed I am by it." Harry responded easily enough as he grunted just a bit. "I don't even want to think about the kind of long term effects of basilisk venom, even when it's been cured by phoenix tears."

"... Basilisk venom...? You got bit by a bloody basilisk!?" Sirius stared at the boy, his eyes wide and incredulous as he open and shut his mouth in shock. "How... where... when... why?!"

"More impaled honestly," Harry corrected with a wave of his hand. "Hard to be just bit by a basilisk big enough to swallow you whole in one gulp. It was in the Chamber of Secrets, my second year, because Malfoy, senior, was a ponce and dumped Voldemort's evil diary on Ginny, it/he possessed her and opened up the chamber, releasing the basilisk. After I FINALLY figured it out, Ron and I forced our DADA teacher to help us go after her into the Chamber..."

He paused a moment, before grinning slightly as he looked at Sirius. "Not the best decision we made, as, well, he tried to Oblivate us." Pausing again, he grinned innocently at his godfather and shrugged. "Shame he tried it with Ron's broken wand... Last I heard, his rehabilitation was coming along quite nicely."

Sirius stared a moment, before pinching the bridge of his nose as he paused in the middle of the forest. "Your DADA teacher tried to Oblivate you."

"Mhm." Harry agreed, grinning slightly at his godfather. "Actually, come to think of it, Remus was the only DADA teacher that DIDN'T try to do something to me. All the others were either involved with some incarnation of Voldemort, a glory hound incompetent, or Umbridge." He grinned back at Sirius for a moment, before laughing softly. "And you know the ironic thing? It was the Death Eater that taught me how to throw off the Imperius!"

"Oh, Harry..." Sirius sighed softly as he moved up next to his godson and laid his hand on his shoulder.

"Eh, it actually doesn't bother me too much." He frowned slightly as his lips pursed lightly together. "Actually, not much is bothering me at all right now. It's like this whole weight has been lifted off me. And I'm not really quite sure how to handle it."

"We really need to get you to someone to check things over," the blue eyed man said softly as he gave Harry's shoulder a slight squeeze before he pressed on.

"Eh, I suppose." Harry responded easily enough before sighing slightly. "Meh, How about we just find me a pretty bird or two and we'll call it even?" He blinked slightly, before freezing where he stood. "Merlin, did I just say that?"

"Why, yes, you did..." The Marauder next to him agreed with a grin as he clapped his hand on the boy's shoulder. "And I couldn't agree more. You, my boy, need a good shag or twenty. But, don't worry! Dr. Padfoot is on the case!"

"If you're calling yourself a love doctor, I know I'm in trouble." Harry chuckled just a bit before he squinted lightly through his glasses. "Huh, I might be imagining things, but is that a trail up ahead?"

"Might be." Sirius agreed as he looked ahead, before shaking his head slightly. "It's familiar…"

"Who's thar?!" A great voice bellowed, causing the man and boy to grin at one another in recognition. "Don' ya understand that the Forbidden Forest is forbidden?!"

"Uh, sorry Hagrid." Harry offered up apologetically as the half giant lumbered into view. "We kinda took a wrong turn through the Veil and well…"

"Who're you?" Rubeus Hagrid asked, his eyes conveying a clear confusion as he looked down at the boy. "And how'd ya know my name?"

"Hagrid, don't you recognize Harry?!" Sirius stared at the massive man in front of him, his haggard gaze incredulous.

"Wha…? Who're… S-S-Sirius Black?!" Hagrid stumbled a moment, his eyes wide now. "Bu-Bu… But yer dead!"

"Dead?" Sirius blinked slightly before glancing at Harry. "Well, we did fall through the Veil…"

"I don't feel dead, do you?" Harry asked curiously, as he lightly waggled his foot. "And it wouldn't explain why Hagrid doesn't seem to know me?"

"Who're you supposed ta be, lad?" Hagrid asked, still staring pale faced at Sirius.

"Me? Harry Potter." The boy responded with another slight shrug of his shoulders.

Hagrid let out what sounded suspiciously like a squeak as he turned his head back at the boy, taking a step back in fear. "But… But you're dead too! You died almost 14 years ago! On Halloween! Yer the reason Sirius Black gave his life to kill You-Know-Who and save the Longbottoms!"

Harry blinked for a moment at that, looking at Hagrid for a moment, "And Voldemort stayed dead?"

Hagrid flinched visibly, shuddering softly before he nodded. "As a doornail! But, poor James and Lily, losing both Harry and Sirius for it…"

"James and Lily… are alive?" Sirius spoke up, his eyes wide in shock and disbelief as he quickly flicked his eyes over to see his expression mirrored on Harry's face. "I think I need… to sit down."

"Merlin, you're not the only one…" Harry practically flopped down onto the trail, staring up at the towering figure in front of him. "This is… Bloody hell… Sirius, you ever heard about muggle science fiction and the like?"

"A bit, Remus would talk about it a lot." Sirius agreed from where he sat next to his godson.

"Well, they have this idea, that I always thought was kinda silly… called alternate dimensions…" Harry started to explain.

"Ah, worlds where things happened differently than in yer own." Hagrid offered up with a knowing nod. "Kinda like one of those muggle fun house mirrors."

The emerald eyed boy stared up at Hagrid for a moment, unable to say a thing as the man blushed brightly in embarrassment and shifted just a bit where he sat. "A muggleborn a few decades ago got me inta em… Some down right lovely creatures in em."

"So you think that when we fell through the Veil…" Sirius spoke up, his voice growing distant "We fell into one of these different worlds?"

"Best answer I've got right now." Harry agreed with a nod. "I wonder what happened here… Wait… Did you say almost 14 years ago? Not almost 15?"

"Yessir, 1995 it is! We jus finished up the Triwizard tournament, we did." Hagrid said wit a proud puffed up chest, before a slight look of sadness fell across his eyes.

"Who won? Who competed?" Harry asked, looking over at Sirius before glancing back at Hagrid. "Was it Cedric Diggory, Fleur Delacour and Viktor Krum?"

"Aye, that was the three of em." The half giant agreed with a nod, quietly subdued as he continued. "Miss Delacour won… after what happened ta her sister…"

"Gabrielle?" Harry was suddenly up on his feet, looking at the half giant. "What happened to Gabrielle?!"

"Easy Harry, easy!" Sirius jumped up next to his godson, before he looked at the stricken look in Hagrid's eyes. "Sorry Hagrid, where we come from…"

"She drowned," Hagrid said softly, averting his eyes. "Fleur had gotten tripped up in the lake, and the spell on her had been miscast. No one was there to save her when it ended a few minutes early, and with her chained down ther…"

Harry slumped against his godfather, a strange feeling of failure weighing on him. He hadn't known the sweet little French girl much at all save for their brief meetings after he'd pulled her from the lake, hampered by the lack of a common language. Still, he had known her, and her sister, and very possibly, had saved her life if things had happened like they had in this reality.

"I'm sorry, did ya know er?" Hagrid asked quietly as he noted the boy's obvious distressed reaction.

"Harry pulled her out of the lake where we come from," Sirius said simply as he looked at the man in front of him. "Possibly saved her life if what happened here happened there."

"Ah." Hagrid nodded quietly as he looked at the boy. "Why don't ya tell me a bit mer about where ya come from, so we ken see where it differs before we go and talk to the Head Mistress about trackin' down ole Professor Dumbledore?"

"Dumbledore isn't the HeadMaster?" Harry asked in a shocked tone as he looked up at the half giant.

"Oh no, he retired bout 13 years ago… the year after ya two…" The half-giant offered an apologetic shrug. "Well, died… Professer McGonagall became Head Mistress."

"Well… is Professor Flitwick still teaching Charms? And who's teaching Transfiguration?" Harry asked hopefully.

"Yessir!" Hagrid smiled brightly at the boy. "Deputy Head Master he is! And, James Potter o'course! After he made sure none of the Death Eaters got off or bribed their way free…"

"Lucius Malfoy went to Azkaban?" Sirius spoke up, his eyes dancing for a moment in mirth before they grew slightly serious. "And Narcissa?"

"Aye, he tried to use the Imperius excuse." Hagrid agreed, before a smile of his own lit his face. "I'm told James Potter had a righteous fire lit in him, starin' down ones who were suppose ta free him, until they refused to let him free. Narcissa joined him for aidin' im."

"Poor Cissy." Sirius sighed slightly.

"Must've been tough for Draco…" Harry added, a slight look of amusement curling on his lips.

"Draco?" Hagrid asked a look of confusion again in his eyes.

"Draco Malfoy? Son of Lucius and Narcissa?" Harry offered up, before blinking slightly, his eyes widening. "No Draco?!"

"Never heard of a Draco Malfoy." Hagrid admitted for a moment. "Though…"

"No ferret! My parents are alive… Voldemort's dead and no ferret!" Harry paused a moment before frowning softly with a sigh, "But, no Gabrielle."

"And no Me." Sirius pointed out.

"One you is quite enough I think." Harry countered with a grin.

"As I wus sayin…" Hagrid spoke up with a rumbling cough, glaring good naturedly at the two. "There isn'ta Draco Malfoy, but there is a Cassiopeia Black, heiress ta tha Malfoy and Black estates. Lucius and Narcissa's daughter."

"He's a she here?!" Harry stared a moment, before pinching the bridge of his nose and shuddering slightly. "Oi… Who raised her then?"

"Andromeda and Ted Tonks." Hagrid answered easily enough.

Harry paused a moment, before he glanced over at an equally bewildered Sirius before as one they both erupted into laughter.

"Was so funny?" Hagrid asked, his eyes glimmering in obvious confusion.

"Sorry, it's just…" Harry snickered softly for a moment. "The thought of Draco, even one born a girl, being raised by his 'blood-traitor' aunt… That's just too much… Just don't tell me she's in Gryffindor, please!"

"Well…" Hagrid shrugged apologetically at boy, who immediately burst into another series of laughs along with his godfather.

"Oh, that's too priceless… Can you imagine my cousin's face if he knew?" Sirius practically chortled in amusement as he shook in laughter.

"That's like Ron being sorted into Slytherin." Harry agreed with a chuckle.

"Who?" Hagrid asked curiously.

"Ron Weasley?" Harry suddenly felt a lump growing in his chest as he looked up at the towering man. "Youngest of the Weasley brothers? Older brother to Ginny?"

"Ron's the name of the oldest." Hagrid responded. "A right good curse breaker from what I hear… Then there's Charlie, brilliant he was, he's off in Romania with dragons. Percy just graduated next year, and he seems ta be doing something with the Ministry. The youngest of the Weasley boys are Fred and George, jus finishin up their sixth year… The last two are the daughters, Billi finishin her fourth, and Ginny her fifth."

"… Ron's a girl in this reality?" Harry blinked, uncertain whether to be horrified or amused.

"Didn't ya just hear me?" Hagrid looked down at Harry as if the boy was daft, "I jus told you that..."

"Ron's the eldest, yeah I know." Harry waved his hand lightly and chuckled just a bit. "In my reality, his name's Bill. Billi in this reality would be my reality's Ron..."

"If I might butt in," Sirius interupted. "Is there a Hermione Granger here?"

"Ah, yes, the girl that, that Viktor Krum's been romancin'." Hagrid nodded happily. "Lovely girl, especially since Professor Potter set her straight about not trying to learn everything and findin' out what her true callin' was."

"James set her straight?" Sirius blinked slightly as he tried to wrap his mind around the concept.

"Wha...? No! Lily! She's teaching potions!"

"There isn't anyone by the name of Snape on the staff, is there?" Harry asked, his eyes slightly worried as he pursed his lips, half afraid of what the answer would be.

"Eh? Snape? As in Severus? Why would that Death Eater scum be anywhere near here?!" Hagrid almost roared with anger as he glared down at the boy in front of him.

"Ok, Sirius?" Harry turned and looked directly into his godfather's eyes. "It's official, we've died and come to the closest thing to heaven there is. On top of everything else, no Snape, and you're considered a hero."

"Well, that depends..." Sirius noted carefully as he tapped his lower lip slightly. "On how many tasty birds are around and still single."

"Well, if Fleur hadn't just lost Gabrielle, I'd try my hand there," Harry responded with a half grin, before sighing tiredly. "But right now, I suppose we really should talk to Professor McGonagall, Merlin knows we're gonna need help."

"Well, that is what history tells us about you, Harry." Sirius smiled slightly, before letting his face fall just a bit. "Do you want to rush in there and hug this James and Lily as much as I do?"

"More, probably," Harry admitted quietly as he looked at Sirius. "What should we do about it?"

"Talk to McGonagall first." Sirius sighed reluctantly as he gave Harry a gentle one armed hug. "Remember, as much as we might wish it, they're not OUR Lily and James."

"Yeah, I know, and we're not their Harry and Sirius..." Harry admitted before looking towards Hagrid. "Come on Hagrid, let's go and see her... Hopefully she'll have some idea of what to do."

-o-o-o-

Headmistress Minerva McGonagall stared at the pair of faces in front of her and let loose a slow, weary sigh past her lips as she resisted the urge to pinch the bridge of her nose. That, or to reach into her desk and pull out the bottle of Fire Whiskey she kept on hand for when the Weasley twins had gotten especially creative. "Thank you, Rubeus, would you be so kind as to go as to stop by Filius' office? There's something he needs to talk to you about."

"Of course, Professor! I'll be sure to do that right away." The half giant agreed with a happy nod of his head before turning around and quickly lumbering out of the office.

Not quite glancing at the two curious looking figures still seated across from her, the stern woman turned around and tapped a mirror on her desk with her wand as she spoke a single name. "Filius."

A moment later, the slightly wrinkled face of the diminutive professor appeared in the frame. "Minerva, what seems to be the problem?"

"Rubeus needs to be Oblivated, AGAIN." The annoyance in the woman's words made Harry and Sirius blink almost as much as the actual words she used did. "He didn't meet anyone in the forest. Nor did he escort them to my office."

"Again?" There was a slight sigh of annoyance in the Charms professor's voice as he nodded his acceptance. "I take it you'll be filling me in on the matter later?"

"Indeed. Thank you." Nodding her head she tapped the mirror again, to behold where the two males were staring at her in open mouthed shock. "I'm sure that might seem somewhat harsh…"

"No, I get it." Harry cut her off, quickly, staring still as he slowly sat back onto his chair. "If he's anything like our Hagrid, he can't keep a secret to save his life. I'm just wondering why the bloody hell no one thought of that back in our world. Would've saved me a world of trouble."

It was Minerva's turn to blink for a moment, before she sighed and gave into the urge as she reached down into her desk and pulled out the bottle of fire whiskey and dropped it onto the desk in front of her, before transforming a piece of paper into a glass with a flick of her wand. Glancing a moment at the bottle then the glass, Sirius and Harry blinked before Sirius couldn't help but note. "Well, since she has it so close on hand, I guess Fred and George are about the same."

"How Albus was able to keep his wits while dealing with yourself and your friends, without being driven to drinking, Mr. Black, if you are who you say you are, I will never know." Minerva poured herself a finger of the shining liquid before taking a slow and steadying sip. "Half of the trouble has caused me no small amount of headaches."

"Personally, I think he enjoyed the innovative spell work." Sirius offered with a slightly cheerful grin on his face. "Coming up with new, interesting ways to cast spells, create jokes, bring smiles to people's faces…"

"That and he is more than a little batty." Harry offered up helpfully as he grinned back at his godfather.

"Well, yes, there is that." Sirius amended with a bland look on his face as he shot his godson a look of betrayal. "I still say it was more because he truly appreciated our efforts."

"And we'll let you keep telling yourself that, don't worry, Padfoot." Harry lightly patted the man on his shoulder, before snickering just a bit.

Two more fingers were poured, before they vanished on a sudden gulp before the rap of the glass hit the desk once more. The Scotswoman glared mildly at the pair before she sighed and lightly rubbed at her temples. "You two do realize how more than slightly disconcerting it is to meet up with a pair of people that have supposedly been dead for the last 13 years, yes?"

"About as disconcerting as ending up in a world that seems like Heaven to us." Harry agreed with a nod, before frowning slightly and letting off a sigh. "Well, except for Gabrielle. She really was a sweet girl back home."

"And the fact that it completely ruins your shot at her hot, quarter veela sister doesn't help." Sirius added with a slight, teasing, innocent smile.

Only, Harry turned a full on glare at the man, his emerald eyes blazing slightly as he glared at his godfather. "Sirius… Remember that back home I pulled that girl out of that ice cold lake on my own, along with Ron. And you think the reason I'd be upset would be because it ruins me taking a shot at Fleur?!"

"Well, no." Sirius admitted as he squirmed uncomfortably under his godson's glare, fidgeting just a bit. "It was a joke! Stop with the Lily glare already! You make it even scarier than she did!"

For a moment, Minerva couldn't help but debate another three more fingers of whiskey to go with the amount she'd already thrown back before she sighed and lightly palmed her face. "Well, you certainly seem to know how to put your foot in your mouth as well as our Mr. Black did."

"Thank yo- Hey!" Sirius gave the Professor a deeply wounded look as he couldn't help but sniffle slightly, his eyes widening, glistening with tears. "How… how could you say that about me, Minny? After everything we've been through?"

She snorted, loudly, at that as she gave the man a pointed look. "By your own claim, you are most certainly NOT the Sirius Black of our world, therefore, there is nothing we've even been through."

"She has you there, Padfoot." Harry offered easily with a slight grin curling on his face. "Plus, all things considered, you're really, really bad at the whole puppy dog eyes thing."

"Harumph." The man actually pouted as he crossed his arms about his chest and stuck his tongue out at his godson.

"Yes, real mature, Sirius." Harry sighed slightly as he lightly rubbed his face before glancing at the Headmistress. "So, I don't suppose you have any ideas on what happened to us?"

"I haven't the foggiest." The Headmistress' voice was flat and to the point as she gave them both a look, before shaking her head at their looks of disappointment. "I'm a school teacher, why you would…"

"Well, in his defense, he DID have Dumbledore for a Headmaster." Sirius spoke up as he shrugged just a bit and grinned at the woman. "That would spoil things for a boy."

"Yes, Mr. Black, please do go on making me feel even more like I can never quite live up to Albus' legacy, I do so enjoy it." The sarcasm dripped venomously from the woman's voice as she continued to glare back at the man in front of her, fingers tightening once more on the bottle in her hand."

"…I think I upset her." Sirius noted carefully as she lightly slunk down into his chair under the woman's stern, piercing stare. "I feel like I'm in school all over again and I just got caught transfiguring her chair cushion from feathers to catnip."

If anything that only caused the woman's eyes to narrow even further, a hiss of displeasure leaving her lips as she pointedly pressed her lips together into a hard, thin line a moment later. "I see. I do believe I'm going to have to have words with Professor Potter about some of the pranks he and his associates were up to."

Harry immediately winced slightly at the mentioned name as he sighed just a bit. "Professor, could you by any chance contact Pro-Albus Dumbledore? I think it would probably be best if we avoided any contact with the Professors Potter."

"But…!" Sirius immediately spoke up in protest as he shot his godson a bewildered look, even as Harry shot him a glare back.

"This isn't our world, Sirius." Harry spoke up softly as he hunched forward, his head falling quietly as he lightly shook his head. "These aren't my parents. We can't stay here."

"I know but… It's Prongs! And Lils!" Sirius whined slightly as he looked back at the boy. "ALIVE!"

"Stop it, Sirius." Harry whispered softly as he could feel the tears start to flow down his cheeks. "Please, just don't. I… I can't. I… we… have to go back. And if I meet them… Merlin, I don't know if I'll be able to."

"Well, we could always just stay." The gaunt man offered hopefully before immediately shrinking under the glare the boy sent him. "I'm just saying! I didn't get thrown into Azkaban for over 10 years here because they never bothered to give me a trial and investigate the truth!"

"You were in Azkaban…?" Instantly Professor McGonagall's eyes narrowed into twin slights, her fingers tightened about the handle of her wand. "And why is that, and how're you here, now?"

"I was accused of being the one to betray James and Lily to Voldemort, because EVERYONE knew I was their Secret Keeper." Sirius growled softly as he dug his fingers down into the arms of his chair.

"It didn't help that Wormtail accused you of doing it in the middle of a public street in front of a bunch of muggles, then blowing them and the street up to fake his own death." Harry added with a slight curling frown on his lips. "With the finger he cut off himself, it did make it quite believable."

"A cleanly cut off finger, that was the ONLY piece of him they could find." Sirius countered was he crossed his arms about his chest and pouted visibly. "And that damned Crouch threw me into Azkaban without a damned trial."

"Then went around and took his convicted Death Eater of a son out of there, and held him at home, under the Imperius curse, allowing him to later break free, pose as Moody, and set up Voldemort's resurrection." Harry added, before shaking his head with a look of disgust on his face as he glanced at his god father. "You know, the guy really screwed us both over, didn't he?"

"That is true." Sirius agreed with a nod of his head before he frowned slightly. "Whatever happened to him?"

"Completely vanished." Harry answered, before pausing a bit and shrugging. "But, considering that I unknowingly told Junior about him, he probably ended up dead and buried somewhere."

"Ah, a pity." Sirius sighed slightly and shook his head as he slumped back and shrugged a bit before glancing at the goggling McGonagall. "But, to answer your question. I was the first, and only person to ever escape Azkaban without outside help!"

"I like how he puts the without outside help on there." Harry noted with a sage nod of his head as he glanced over at McGonagall. "It makes it seem like Crouch didn't swap his son out with his dying wife so no one was ever wise to the escape, years previously."

"Or my 'dear' cousin, whom Voldemort…" Sirius paused a moment as he noticed the way the Headmistress flinched at the name. "Really Minerva? The man's been dead here for over a decade and you're still bloody flinching at his name? I thought you were a Gryffindor?"

"Well, he is a rather disturbing individual." Harry allowed as he felt their eyes immediately turn onto him. "Not counting the night I got this…" The boy lightly tapped the scar on his head before continuing. "I've met him… Three times now. It was not pleasant. At All."

"'Thrice defied him.'" Sirius muttered quietly under his breath, before slumping just slightly in his chair. "Again, Harry, the more I learn about your life, the more disturbed I get."

"And again, think about how things are for me to have actually lived through it." Harry countered with a slight smirk on his lips even as he shrugged just slightly, even as his eyes suddenly widened in shock. "Oh, bugger… No Malfoy to plant the diary with Ginny." He paused a moment, blinking even more. "Oh, double bugger, no diary at all."

"Meaning?" Sirius blinked slightly as he stared curiously at the boy.

"There's still a 1,000 year old basilisk in the Chamber of Secrets." Pale now, Harry paused before he turned and gave a firm look towards blank faced Headmistress. "Um… Might I highly suggest you wall off Moaning Myrtle's bathroom? It's the entrance."

"…" Wordlessly Minerva McGonagall filled her glass almost over flowing before she slammed it back without even a blink of pause before she turned and with a mechanical motion, rose up and strode over to the fireplace, before tossing a handful of Floo Powder down as she wordlessly intoned. "Albus Dumbledore."

There was a flash of green before, after a moment's pause, the familiar face of the aged wizard appeared, blinking back at the man. "Minerva, how delightful…"

"Get your bloody arse over here. There's no way in hell I'm dealing with this madness." And with that, the woman left the man stared at her, rather flummoxed as she strode back to her chair and poured herself another hefty amount of whiskey.

-o-o-o-

"Well, this is certainly a predicament." Albus Dumbledore was staring at the boy and the man seated in front of him, peering over his half moon spectacles as he lightly stroked his beard. "Quite perplexing really."

"When one needs a predicament, Harry rarely disappoints I've noticed." Sirius offered up with a dry smirk on his lips as he glanced at his godson.

"More like when I DON'T need one you mean." Harry countered as he glared mildly at his godfather. "You're the one that always causes trouble where ever you go"

"Only when you're involved." Sirius shot back, his eyes dancing playfully as he leaned back in his seat and stretched out just a bit. "I don't suppose you have any ideas? As much as I'm loathe to do it, we are needed back home, what with Voldemort running around, causing trouble."

"Just call him Riddle or Tom, Sirius." Harry grumbled slightly as he crossed his arms about his chest. "It's just a name he made up for himself."

"Well, excuse me for being an out of the loop fugitive." Sirius shot his tongue back out at Harry before he leaned back in his chair and sighed slightly. "Well, ole Tommy boy is running around, causing all sorts of trouble back home... That reminds me, Harry, why the bloody hell did you go to the Department of Mysteries? Why didn't you get me on the mirror?"

"Wasn't time... We tried getting you on the floo, but Kreacher said you weren't there." Harry shifted uncomfortably for a moment before reluctantly admitting. "Plus, I kinda panicked, what with the Riddle induced migraine I wasn't exactly thinking completely straight."

"...Narcissa told him to tell you that." Sirius grumbled just a bit and shook his head. "Oooh, the pranking she'll get when we get back!"

"… Sirius, almost died and you want to PRANK her?" Harry stared incredulously at his godfather.

"Of course! Can you think of anything that infuriates a stick up their ass pureblood more?"

"My continued existence?"

"… Damn, forgot about that."

"Well, I must say, if I had any doubts about them being who they say they are, they've certainly been alleviated." Dumbledore noted with a slightly bewildered expression on his face. "I've never seen such a discourse since our young Messers Potter and Black were in school."

"Yes, sad, isn't it? A grown man and he's losing an argument with a boy less than half his age." Harry sighed softly and shook his head woefully.

"There must be something in the air here." Sirius muttered quietly under his breath. "We must find it so we can bring it back with us."

"Eh?" Harry blinked a moment as he looked at his god father. "What're you on about?"

"You're displaying a wit and charm the likes of which I've never seen in you before." Sirius pointed out with a slight grin on his face. "Far, far more enjoyable than your usual dour self."

"… I'm in a world where I don't have to worry about an insane Dark Lord trying to kill me. Why exactly WOULDN'T I be in a better mood?" Harry looked at his godfather oddly for a moment, before glancing left and right carefully. "Plus, I don't have to worry about Hermione."

"Ah, yes, that would explain it." Sirius nodded his head quite sagely as he lightly laced his fingers together.

"And what, pray tell, is wrong with Ms. Granger?" McGonagall chose that moment to speak back up, the effects of the alcohol barely visible as she lightly glared at the boy.

"Err… please do remember, in my world, there wasn't a Lily Potter to set her straight." Harry paused a moment, brow furrowing slightly. "At least that's what Hagrid told us. My Hermione… Brilliant of course, but, down right scary how much she loves studying."

"Studying to the exclusion of everything she does." Sirius spoke up in defense of his godson. "It's sad, not a mischievous bone in her body, all set in rules and doing what you're told. Unhealthy fixation that is."

"You're going to try and corrupt me the entire time we're here, aren't you?" Harry asked with a sudden look of revelation as he leveled a look at his godfather.

"Well, I do have a few years to make up for." Sirius noted as if affronted as he lightly examined his vest.

"True I suppose." Harry paused lightly tapping on his chin in consideration. "I suppose there are a few things you could teach me."

"A few?" Sirius looked affronted as he crossed his arms about his chest. "Why, by the time I was your age…"

"Yes, yes, illegal animagus, one of the most brilliant wizards of your generation, yadda yadda yadda." Harry waved his hand before blinking slightly as he noticed where McGonagall was twitching slightly as she affixed a glare at his godfather. "Umm… oops?"

"Thank you SO much, Harry." Sirius supplied lamely as he offered a weak smile back to Minerva. "Um… Surprise?"

"Mr. Black, what on earth could possibly have possessed you to do such a fool hearty…" The current Hogwarts Headmistress began, her eyes blazing before she noticed the guilty look flashing across Dumbledore's eyes as the elderly man looked away. "Albus! You knew!"

"I might have had some… inkling, vaguely, possibly." Dumbledore admitted with a slight wince. "But, there were of course extenuating circumstances."

"Very extenuating." Sirius agreed with a quick nod of his head.

"Absolutely necessary ones." Harry chimed in, before shrugging off the glare Headmistress sent him. "Remus."

The woman's glare immediately froze at that name, before softening slightly as she looked over to Albus for confirmation. At the man's grave nod, the woman slumped slightly before fixing Sirius a look. "All right then, let's see it."

"Um, you do know a good flea repelling charm, right, Professor?" Harry offered up with an innocently cheeky grin on his lips ignoring the baleful look on his godfather's face.

"Quite." The woman agreed again before arching a brow expectantly at Sirius. "Well? We're waiting."

Huffing just a bit Sirius none the less stood up from his chair before in a sudden blur of motion, gone was the man, replaced by the shaggy bear of a dog known as Padfoot. Harry immediately wrinkled his nose and shook his head. "When was the last time you had a bath, Padfoot?"

The dog immediately gave his godson a long, hard glare, before lifting his head and sniffing derisively at the boy, refusing to rise to the bait. As he lifted his head, it brought his gaze up to the penetrating, narrowed eyes of McGonagall, almost causing the dog to falter, before a slight little smirk curled onto the woman's lips. "Appropriate, Mr. Black. Appropriate."

A loud bark and a wagging of his tail immediately answered the woman as Padfoot grinned back at her, before suddenly the entrance to the office swung open and one James Potter strode into the room. "Minerva, what did Hagrid do… Oh, I'm sorry I didn't…"

Harry and Sirius both immediately froze in place, refusing to glance back over their shoulders at the sound of the voice. As a slight, quiet whimper escaped the dog's throat, Harry reached over, and lightly stroked his fingers against his head. "It's all right, Snuffles."

"Ah, James, delightful to see you, my boy." Dumbledore spoke up as he smiled at the man, quickly stepping up, and coincidentally blocking the man's view of the boy seated in front of the desk. "What's this about Hagrid?"

"I… I…" James never once took his eyes off the dog, struggling to form a thought, anything as he could feel the word leaving his lips. "…Padfoot…?"

Harry could feel the tension building in the dog's from, as he continued to gently pet him, stroking him as he whispered so very softly to the creature. "He's not our James, he's not our James, he's not our James."

"Padfoot?" Dumbledore blinked slightly as he looked at James, a look of apparent confusion falling across his face as he lightly reached up, resting his hand on James' shoulder. "Now, why does that name seem so familiar, James?"

Forcibly brought out of his daze, James turned his attention back to the man, blinking back tears as he forced himself to meet the former Headmaster's gaze. "Sirius, Sir, Sirius."

"Ah, Mr. Black." A note of sadness entered the old man's voice. "A tragic tale… Most tragic… A loss to us all. Now, what was that about Hagrid?"

"Fillius just oblivated him.. again. I just came to find out why." There was a slightly dazed expression on James' face as he lightly shook his head then glanced purposely at Minerva.

"He learned something he shouldn't. AGAIN." Minerva grumbled slightly as she shook her head and lightly glanced down at her glass and the bottle of whiskey next to it. "I swear, that man… he always manages to find himself in the most spectacularly frustrating situations."

Harry couldn't help but nod slightly back at the woman as he could feel the tension building even further into Sirius. Fingers gripped onto the dog, holding him even more firmly into place, pressing him back against the chair. His eyes flashed from the Headmistress to the dog then back again, looking at the woman meaningfully as he did so.

Minerva paused, caught in a moment's indecision, before suddenly her face hardened as she looked over at James. "Mr. Potter, would you be so kind as to fetch your wife? There are some things we need to discuss with the both of you."

"Professor!" Harry immediately strangled out, his eyes widened in shocked betrayal as he stared up at the woman.

"Hush, young man." Minerva scolded lightly before looking once more back at James. "Well, James, if you would?"

"Ah, right… This is about what Hagrid was oblivated for?" James nervously nodded his head, casting one more look at the dog and young man who never showed him his face, before moving back to the door with a sense of urgency.

The instant the door was shut, Padfoot was once more Sirius as he met the elderly woman with a burning glare of outrage. "WHAT THE BLOODY HELL WOMAN!?"

McGonagall actually flinched at the explosive venom in the man's words before she steeled her face and glared back at the man. "Mr. Black. You are for all intents and purposes STUCK here. That means that you will need a place to stay, and a place to continue young Mr. Potter's education."

"We can't stay," Harry responded insistently as he looked back at the woman. "We can't just leave them there, not with Tom running around free."

"Be that as it may, if anyone deserves to know about this, it is James and Lily." McGonagall argued as she looked sternly back at the pair. "After everything they've been through…"

"And what about when we have to leave, what then?!" Harry was suddenly standing, his eyes burning with the same anger as Sirius' as his voice rose in power as the force of his magic began to bleed into the air. "What happens then, hmmm?! When they have to watch us leave, AGAIN? WHAT ABOUT US?! DO YOU KNOW what that will do to us?! They represent EVERYTHING WE'VE LOST!" Suddenly, the very air seemed to crack as a wave of destruction smashed through the office. "EVERYTHING I'VE NEVER HAD! And you DARE to try and shove that in my face?!"

Tears were streaming down Harry's face as he felt his godfather's arms suddenly wrapping around him, holding him tightly as McGonagall took a step back in fearful awe of the display the boy let loose in her office. As the emerald eyed boy broke down suddenly into a series of wracking sobs, the swirl of magic finally halted, leaving the rest of the occupants to stare in almost flabbergasted shock as Sirius soothingly rubbed against his back. Turning a brief, disappointed glance onto his former subordinate, the elderly wizard took the next few moments to lift up his wand and begin to gesture around the room, slowly repairing the damage done.

"How? How could she do this to us, Sirius?" Harry's voice was a hoarse whisper as he clung desperately back onto his godfather, crying into the man's chest.

"Shhh… Shhh…" Sirius gently rubbed his hand against Harry's back, cradling the boy in his arms. "It'll be all right, Harry. It'll be all right."

"That, Minerva, was one of the more foolish things I've ever had the displeasure of seeing you do." Dumbledore spoke up with a soft, stern voice as he looked down at the woman who had once been one of his prized pupils. "Including the incident in your sixth year."

When the woman flushed brightly in response, the man shook his head and sighed slightly in a more obvious bit of frustration than neither man nor boy had ever seen from the man. "Harry, Sirius, if you'll come with me, we'll…"

Any further words the man might've said were interrupted as once more the office door opened, and once more James Potter entered, a slightly annoyed looking Lily Potter behind him, as she blinked in surprise at the appearance of the man who had been the Headmaster during their time at Hogwarts.

"Oh, bugger." Dumbledore muttered, before turning his head and glaring spectacularly at McGonagall as he could hear the wet, broken laugh of Harry Potter behind him.

"Did you ever say it, Professor." Harry laughed, a sickly, empty thing as he glanced at the two confused Professors that looked for a moment at the boy, and the man incomprehension, before words were released simultaneously

"Sirius?"

"Padfoot?"

Sighing in resignation Dumbledore again flicked his wand, and the door behind the two professors slammed shut and was quickly sealed before he firmly imposed himself between them and the people they were staring at. "Before anything further happens in this, I NEED the pair of you to understand something. These two are NOT from our world. They are NOT the people you knew. Just as you are not the people they might have known. As such, this is NOT your Sirius."

"But… but…" James was staring, his eyes never leaving the worn, dark haired man that looked so very much like a grown, aged version of his best friend.

Lily's eyes however, turned to the boy Sirius clutched against his chest, and saw a face that almost made her falter and faint dead away. In a soft, impossibly thin voice, she uttered a single, hopeful, horrified name. "Harry…?"

Harry stiffened immediately, before looking away, his voice thick as he forced it past his lips. "I'm NOT your Harry."

Those words snapped James' attention away from the man, and immediately onto the boy with the oh so familiar features as his own, hazel eyes widened behind his glasses. "Harry."

"I already told you… I'M NOT YOUR HARRY!" The words screamed past his lips as suddenly they were engulfed in another, violent explosion of magic that knocked everyone but Harry, Sirius and Dumbledore off their feet. "Not Your Harry! Not your Harry."

His voice broke into a whimper as he clutched even tighter onto Sirius and buried his face again into the man's chest. "Why? Why are they doing this to us? Haven't we suffered enough? Haven't we had enough? Why do these bloody things keep happening to us?"

Sirius just stroked gently, firmly against Harry's back, pressing his palm against it as he rubbed up and down, up and down soothingly. "I don't know, Harry. I don't know. But I hate it as much as you do."

"Someone…" Lily slowly pushed herself back up, staring in absolute shock at Harry, her eyes never leaving him. "Someone will tell us WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON!"

"Heh…" Sirius chuckled just slightly as he glanced for a moment towards Lily before grinning just a bit down at Harry. "Well, at least you can see where you got your temper from, kid."

And at that, Harry couldn't help but give off a wracking sound that was half laugh, half sob.

-o-o-o-

It took more than a moment for things to settle then as Dumbledore immediately chased the Headmistress out of her own office with a hard glare the likes of which none could remember ever seeing on the kindly old man's face. An instant later, the table desk had been transfigured into a table, two chairs set on each end, and one in the middle. With great reluctance Harry and Sirius had seated themselves at one end, as under Dumbledore's guidance, Lily and James sat at the other.

As the elderly man took his seat between them, a slow, heavy sigh escaped his lips. "Now, I'm sure you have questions."

"Yeah, if we can oblivate Hagrid so easily, why can't we just oblivate them?" Harry asked hopefully as he shook his head, ignoring the down right incredulous looks the Professors Potter sent him.

"I had considered that option, however, I do not believe they would agree to such a thing." Dumbledore admitted as he glanced towards the outraged looks flashing across the Professors faces. "So, I do not believe it would be advisable to try, young man."

"Pity, it'd make this so much easier." Harry sighed and hung his head as he fell back into his chair, ignoring the incredulous stares the professors sent his way. "Lovely position we're in, isn't it, oh beloved dogfather of mine?"

"I would indeed say so." Sirius agreed with a nod of his head as he kept his focus firmly on Harry. "Quite sure you don't want to…?"

Harry snorted then as he lazily glared at Sirius. "MY parents, YOUR best friend and his wife, have been dead for almost 15 years. They aren't them. They aren't even who they'd be. 15 YEARS, Padfoot. 15 years, in this damned paradise."

"Paradise?!" James Potter was suddenly on his feet, his eyes burning as he glared back at the pair across from them. "I lose my SON and my BROTHER and you think this is paradise?!"

"Compared to where we come from? Oh, yeah." Harry shook his head as he glanced at Sirius. "What do you say, Sirius? How's this compare to over 10 years stuck in Azkaban without a trial, being blamed for betraying my parents, and the 12 muggles Pettrigrew killed when he framed you?"

"Well, there was a reason we thought we'd died and gone to heaven." Sirius admitted with a shrug as both James and Lily stared at the boy in absolute shock. "How's this place compare to growing up living with the Dursleys and being constantly in danger because of Voldemort and his followers?"

"And Dementors." Harry added quickly, as the pair shared a shudder. "Dementors are very, very bad."

"Indubitably." Sirius agreed, before pausing, smirking slightly. "Though, this coming from the boy who drove off close to a hundred of them at 13?"

"Again, being forced to relive Voldemort killing my parents, over and over again." Harry countered as he shuddered visibly and paled slightly, before frowning just a bit. "Though, now it might be being forced to watch Cedric die and Voldemort's resurrection. The Cruciatus hurts like a bitch."

Sirius winced, visibly and lightly nodded his head as he softly patted his godson's back. "Well, you are the only one who has encountered all three Unforgivables."

"Yeah, the look on Voldemort's face when I threw off his Imperius was rather good." Harry admitted as he lightly leaned back and couldn't help but shrug just a bit.

The other three people at the table were staring in open mouthed shock at the boy of no more than 15 years old before them so casually discussing the subject, before Dumbledore finally spoke. "Harry… that is truly remarkable."

"Ha!" Sirius barked off a laugh and shook his head. "You're talking about my godson there, Albus! Remarkable doesn't even begin to describe him!"

"Ugh, please don't start that." Harry shrank back just a bit and shook his head. "I just did what I had to."

"Truly remarkable." Dumbledore repeated for a moment, before lightly pursing his lips as a thought came to him. "You say time is a year behind here, compared to your own world?"

"Ugh, don't remind me." Harry paused a moment, before suddenly brightening considerably. "Wait, no Voldemort! So, that means no Umbridge trying to destroy me!"

"Destroy you?" Sirius blinked slightly at that as he eyed his godson. "Albus told me she made your life difficult…"

"She's the one that sent the Dementors after me before school started." Harry answered flatly as he shook his head. "Not to mention the blood quill detentions… and worst of all, the hogwash she called her Defense Against the Dark Arts! Sit back and let the Aurors take care of it? Ugh. It'll be a miracle if anyone other than the DA passes their Owls this year."

"…" Sirius paused a moment, staring back at his godson with a completely blank face before suddenly his eyes were burning with fury. "She's a dead woman."

"Well, it has been one of the worse years of my life." Harry agreed with a nod and a shudder. "Not to mention on top of the DA, the problems with Umbridge, Voldemort and everything else, I had to take those bloody Occlumancy lessons with Snape."

"But, but he hates you!" Sirius protested his eyes wide in shock as he shuddered in quiet revulsion.

"The ever increasing pain I got after having some of my deepest, and worst memories rifled through and being forced to relive them do attest to that." Harry agreed with a slight shrug of his shoulders.

"… Snape? As in… Severus?" There was a mix of horror, shock and disbelief written on the Potters' faces as James spoke. "What… what the bloody hell was that Death Eater son of a bitch doing teaching ANYONE!? Let alone…" James fought back the last bit, as he suddenly clenched his fingers tighter into his chair as he felt Lily stare in absolute shock, frozen next to him.

"He's the Potions Professor and Head of Slytherin at our Hogwarts." Harry shrugged slightly as he looked away for a moment. "Apparently he still holds a grudge for how my father treated him."

"How the bloody hell is he not in Azkaban for what he did?!" James' face was flushing with outrage as he stared back at the boy. "He's the one that bloody gave Voldemort the reason coming after my son!"

Harry's mouth fell open at that, staring at James, before slowly, purposely he turned his head and looked directly at Dumbledore, who not quite catching the full meaning of the look, nodded sadly in confirmation. "Yes, sadly young Severus overheard the parts of a Prophecy delivered to me in regards to the Dark Lord, a prophecy that indicated that either young Harry Potter or, young Neville Longbottom would awaken the power to vanquish the Dark Lord. For us, it was the righteous fury of Sirius Black at the death of his godson."

"Yes, well OUR version of Dumbledore thought it best to try and redeem our Snape." Sirius spoke up with a twisted, sour expression on his face. "I go to Azkaban and the Death Eater gets to torment every Gryffindor student for over a decade."

"Not to mention it was our Dumbledore's idea to have me learn Occlumancy from Snape while he bloody avoided and ignored me the entire year." Harry added with a sour twist to his face.

Dumbledore blinked slightly as furious eyes were turned onto him, before raising his hands in his defense. "Note, they said THEIR Dumbledore. I did not make those actions." He paused a moment, before lightly stroking his beard. "Though, it does leave me wanting to send a rather stern letter for your version of myself when we find a way for you to return."

"Can it be a howler?" Harry offered hopefully as his eyes gleamed a bit. "I've wanted to see him on the receiving end of a howler all year."

Sirius and James both looked at Harry a moment, before chuckling together while Lily wore a look of amused disapproval on her face. Seeing the looks, Harry shrugged helplessly and smiled. "What can I say? I might have a few… anger issues with the man."

"Considering the things that occurred earlier… might I perhaps offer my own services at teaching you the skill of Occlumancy, young man?" Dumbledore spoke up as he studied Harry for a long moment, stroking his beard as he did so, before continuing. "Also… I believe I might have an idea how to send you back."

"Ah? If you do… I don't think we'd have time for me to learn." Harry admitted softly and lightly shook his head.

"On the contrary, young man. If my theory is correct… you have an entire year. All we will need is to be at the Veil of Death at that same day as you left… Though, I do believe we will need a Master of Death." Dumbledore's eyes twinkled with absolute merriment as looks of confusion passed across the table, while James Potter's face paled dramatically.

"You're talking about uniting the Hallows." James spoke in the softest of whispers as he stared at the man. "How…? They've been lost for centuries…"

"Come now, James, we both know one of them never left the descendants of the Peverells for a fact." Dumbledore countered with that twinkling little smile of his.

James shifted uncomfortably as everyone's eyes turned onto him, while Sirius' eyes widened in realization. "The cloak?!"

"That still leaves the stone and the wand." James countered with a slight, uncomfortable grumble while Dumbledore's twinkling eyes only grew.

"Oh, that's not too terribly much of an issue." The man answered with a slight smile on his lips as he purposely lifted up his wand, and lightly shook it meaningfully.

"… And the stone?"

"Was actually in the possession of a Mr. Riddle, set on the Gaunt family ring. Fortunately, he had not the understanding of just what it was he had in his possession." Dumbledore admitted with a slight smile on his lips as he shook his head. "I know where it is, however, I have yet to be able to bring myself to retrieve it. The temptation of it… It would be too much for me I think."

"Would someone mind telling the muggle raised kid what the bloody hell you're talking about?" Harry spoke up, a flash of irritation in his eyes as he glanced between the assembled group.

"Cloak… stone… wand… Hallows…" Sirius blinked in absolute shock as realization hit him. "The Deathly Hallows actually exist?!"

"Indeed, Mr. Black, indeed." Dumbledore agreed with a soft smile on his lips as he held up his wand. "The Elder Wand has been in my possession for the past 50 years. And Mr. Potter, being the last direct descendant of Ignotus Peverell, owns the Cloak of Invisibility."

"This is insane." Lily muttered softly as she spoke up, before glancing around them. "You're talking about… it's all pure conjecture! We have no idea if this would even work!"

"Well, to be perfectly honest, it's the best that we're going to likely get." Dumbledore spoke up, with a slight smile. "And sometimes, magic requires a bit of a leap of faith."

"I'm with her in that this sounds insane." Harry offered up lamely, before shrugging slightly. "But, being as how insane generally works for me, I'll go along with it."

"Harry…" Sirius stared at his godson, blinking slightly in uncertainty.

"Well Padfoot, we've already took one trip through a Veil of Death, what's one more?" Harry offered with a glib grin on his face. "Besides, the worst that could happen…"

"Would be our deaths." Sirius pointed out as he shifted slightly in uncertainty.

"And as we both know, Sirius, there are worse things than dying. Besides, look on the bright side." Harry grinned slightly as he smiled at his godfather. "We've got people waiting for us there anyway. Worst case scenario, we just meet them a bit earlier than we would otherwise."

No one quite saw the sudden twinkle shining in Dumbledore's eyes at the boy's words, even as he nodded his head in agreement. "Yes, quite. Now then, we do however need to discuss what you'll be doing in that year's time."

"… Why do I suddenly have a sinking sensation that he's going to try and steal my vacation time and make me do something wholly unpleasant like do an extra year of schoolwork?" Harry asked rhetorically as he glanced slightly towards his godfather.

"Because, you're a growing boy and you need your education?" Sirius countered with a grin.

"Traitor." Harry muttered slightly under his breath as he lightly glared at his godfather, before pausing a moment, and grinning at him. "You will of course have to make it worth my while to accept."

"Animagus training?" Sirius offered back with an equal grin on his lips.

"Would be brilliant." Harry agreed with a nod of his head. "Though, the occlumancy training would be good too."

"I would imagine it would only further the speed of the animagus training." Dumbledore noted agreeably with a smile on his face. "The increased mental discipline only enhancing how quickly you learned of it."

"Delightful." Harry agreed with a nod of his head, before pausing a moment. "But, where are we staying?"

"Well, as much as Minerva was quite misguided in her attempt…" Albus immediately began as he smiled with those damned twinkling eyes at the boy.

"No." Harry cut in quickly as he shook his head. "Not gonna happen. It's a bad idea all around, for both sides."

Sirius whimpered as he looked pleadingly at Harry. The boy instantly stiffened as he glared back at the man. "We talked about this, Padfoot."

"But… but…" Sirius immediately protested as he stared at Harry helplessly. "Prongs! Lils!"

"And again I remind you, NOT our Prongs, not our Lils." Harry growled back as he glared at the man. "I grew up with the Dursleys, remember?! That's what I have to go back to when we return!"

"… Why the bloody HELL is he staying with my sister and the miserable lump she calls a husband?" Lily suddenly growled out as she glared accusingly at Sirius.

"Because Sirius is a wanted fugitive, on the run because of a bloody corrupt Ministry and being framed by Wormtail for killing a bunch of muggles and betraying my parents?" Harry offered up with a roll of his eyes as he snorted softly. "You know what? You want to know why I don't want to do this? Bring me a bloody penseive and I'll SHOW you what I have to go back to!"

Blinking slightly at the vehemence in the boy's words, and taken aback by the display of emotion, Dumbledore carefully rose up and walked over to a specific cabinet, tapping it lightly with his wand to open it before walking back and settling a penseive down in front of the boy. Not wasting a moment, Harry concentrated on the memories in his mind then, began to drop thread after thread into the bowl, before suddenly pulling back. Wordlessly he gestured to the bowl, before standing up and stalking over to a wall.

Preempting anyone else from acting first, Sirius immediately dove into the memories without even a word of warning. After a few, tensed minutes clicked by, the man again emerged from the memories, tears streaming down his cheeks as he quietly strode over to his godson and engulfed in a hug, leaving the remaining three to stare at one another in wordless confusion. By unspoken agreement, they entered into the memories together as the world around them vanished.

"And that, Padfoot, is why I can't do this." Harry spoke softly, quietly as he shook his head, not fighting off the man's hug. "If I even start to get an idea of what it would have been like to live with them… How can I go back to THAT?"

"You're NOT going back to THAT, Harry." Sirius shook his head, growling softly. "Not while I'm around. I don't care what Dumbledore says. I'll bloody kidnap you if I have to."

"Heh, can't kidnap the willing, Sirius." Harry countered with a slight smile on his lips.

"Tell that to Dumbledore." The man answered sourly as he glanced at the boy.

"Ok, as soon as he gets out of the penseive." Harry agreed with a grin on his lips.

"OUR Dumbledore." Sirius corrected quickly, before glancing over in the direction of the others. "This one does seem a bit better than ours though. Wish we could keep him."

"Probably the years of retirement have loosened him up again." Harry agreed with a nod of his head. "Still, wouldn't that be amusing? Two Dumbledores against Tom."

"… You are quite obviously the son of a Marauder." Sirius noted with a wide grin on his lips.

"I just like the thought of anything that would scare the shit out of Tommy boy." Harry chuckled softly as his eyes gleamed back at him. "Actually, can you imagine ANYONE that wouldn't be afraid of having to deal with TWO Dumbledores?"

"Gellert Grindewald." A new voice spoke up shakily as the pair turned to see an uneasy trio exited from the penseive. "But then, Gellert always was one to take on a challenge, even if it was beyond him."

The note of wistful sadness in his voice caused Harry to look sharply at the man, an inquiring question unspoken in those eyes as the man carefully settled himself into a chair. "In our youths, we were the best of friends, eager and ambitious to change the world." Slowly then the man shook his head. "But, we wanted to go about it the wrong ways. I learned that lesson, but Gellert, alas, did not."

Nodding slightly in what he hoped with a look of understanding he didn't quite feel Harry discreetly shifted his attention towards the Potters, studying them silently. Tears and anger dwelled in those eyes as they held onto each other, both for comfort and restraint. He could see it in their eyes, the naked desire to rush over to him and comfort him, to try and make it better. And he couldn't face, tearing his face away from theirs and staring at the wall as he felt the tears run down his cheeks.

"My boy… Whoever placed you with those people did you a grave injustice." Dumbledore spoke softly as he shook his head, before hearing the loud snort that followed that sent a spike of worried confirmation through his heart. "It was my counterpart I take it?"

"Mhm. Kept sending me back, kept saying things like I needed to be safe." Harry rolled his eyes and snorted softly. "Yeah, I was safer there than Hogwarts, but I would rather be in danger and happy than safe and miserable like that."

"I think, for some reason, my counterpart has forgotten that you cannot chain something and expect for it to grow, nor can you leave it in the dark, alone and unattended for the sake of safety." Dumbledore sighed once more as he would lean back, closing his eyes for a moment. "Yes, I will indeed have to send a most… vexed letter back with you."

"Heh, again, I hope you include a howler, if only for the comedic value." Harry shook his head a bit before he was finally willing to look back at the others. "So then, can we finally put this foolishness to rest? As you can see this is…"

"On the contrary, I think you've only given us all the more reason for you to stay with the Professors Potter." Dumbledore interrupted as he gently looked into the boy's eyes. "If only to show you how things should be, and to give you memories to draw on."

"I know how they should be." Harry stated flatly as he shook his head. "I do have friends with families you know. I have seen how they're supposed to act."

"Harry… It can't hurt." Sirius prodded slightly as he spoke up, glancing hopefully towards the pair of adult Potters.

"E tu, Padfoot?" Harry glared at the man, his eyes burning past his glasses. "Why is it everyone doesn't understand this? You want to give me what I always wanted, only, it's going to just be a year, then I'll never see them again."

"Would it really be so bad to get to know us?" Lily spoke up, her eyes still rimmed with tears as she studied the boy in front of her, almost afraid to say anything further.

"I get by, because the only time I ever remember my parents, is when I'm dealing with Dementors." Harry answered with a simple shrug of his shoulders. "I always wanted to know them, to be loved... But... To have had it all, to know it all, then go back to not having it?"

As the boy left the crux of the matter for him hang in the air he turned his head and lightly glared towards the still pleading Sirus. "But, you're determined to make me miserable, aren't you? Some godfather you are."

"Fine." Sirius sighed softly as he would gently squeeze Harry's shoulder. "We won't stay with them, we'll go out and about, finding some way to make ends meet, I've got plenty of experience doing that, remember? Out alone, in the cold. No home to return to, no roof over your head. Never knowing where your next warm meal is coming from."

"Cheap shot." Harry glowered back at the man, his arms crossed about his chest as he stared back at his godfather. "And a low blow at that."

"Well, did it work?" Sirius asked with his eyes lightly dancing with a bit of mirth.

"It doesn't help things in your favor when you can switch it off just like that, Sirius." Harry countered with a slight glare. "You should know, I HATE being manipulated."

"But?" Sirius offered hopefully as he grinned eagerly at his godson.

"... If I'm gonna ruddy stay, you better be getting me another firebolt." Harry answered grudgingly to Sirius. "Umbridge stole mine, so I don't have one to play quidditch."

"You... play quidditch?" James spoke up his eyes suddenly sparkling as he eyed the boy hopefully.

"He's been Gryffindor's seeker since he was an ickle firstie!" Sirius agreed, his chest swelling up in pride with a nod of his head. "Only ever lost one match!"

"Which, was entirely your fault." Harry countered with a grunt and a grumble. "If you hadn't lead that bloody Dementor to the quidditch pitch..."

"Hey! You still won the cup!" Sirius shot back with a smirk.

"And Cedric..." Harry paused a moment, before suddenly slumping back. "Cedric's alive here though, isn't he?"

"Diggory?" James spoke up, frowning slightly as his brow furrowed. "You mentioned a Cedric dying..."

"Wormtail killed in right in front of me." Harry answered with a quiet hollowness to his voice. "We'd both just grabbed the cup at the same time... it was a portkey, took us to a bloody graveyard and things just got worse from there."

"You got out alive Harry," Sirius said softly as he lightly put his hand on his godson's shoulder. "And his parents were grateful that you brought their son's body back to them. And since you dueled Voldemort to do so..."

"We got locked in Priori Incantatem." Harry shrugged his shoulders as he smiled wanely. "I don't think he was expecting me to have the other wand with Fawkes' feather in it."

Dumbledore went still at that, as he suddenly eyed Harry intently, before slowly shaking his head and letting loose a soft sigh. "Well, that does certainly dispel any lingering doubts about you being who you say you are... Here, only the crafter of the wands himself knew the origin of the Phoenix feather in Tom's wand, besides myself. Just as we were the only ones aware of the fact that it had a brother."

"Huh, don't suppose we could stop by and see if I could pick up a spare?" Harry asked curiously with an innocent grin on his face. "Never hurts to practice a little Constant Vigilance."

Sirius groaned softly as the others eyes immediately raised at the familiar phrase left the boy's lips. "I can't believe that you actually picked something up from that crazy bloke."

"Eh, he's a bit crusty, but he does know what he's talking about." Harry shot back with a slight smirk of amusement on his lips.

"And how did you come to know Alastor?" Dumbledore asked curiously as he studied the boy in front of him.

"Eh, well he was supposed to be my Fourth year Defense teacher. Unfortunately he was replaced by Barty Crouch Junior, using polyjuice. And if he died while in Azkaban a few years after he was put in there, he's not really dead, his father is keeping him under an Imperius in his home." Harry answered with a shrug. "Plus, he was with the Order group that took me to headquarters last summer."

"Ah, yes, when you first met dear Nymphadora." Sirius nodded his head somberly before he smirked slyly at Harry. "What a Hufflepuff, eh?"

Harry blushed brightly as he lightly glared back at the man. "Can you not be Sirius and be serious for a bit? Besides, she's 7 years older than me. Talk about out of my league."

"Doesn't mean you can't appreciate my dear cousin's scenery." Sirius shot back with a laugh as he ducked the smack Harry aimed at his head.

"Git."

"And I saw those oh so appreciative glances you were sending her way." Sirius continued on, ignoring the way Lily was lightly glaring at him. "So did she."

"Oh, merlin, kill me now." Harry groaned as he buried his face in his hands.

"What, you thought you were just really lucky to see how perfectly she was filling out those pants and her tops?" Sirius grinned back as his eyes sparkled. "She was giving you some eye candy!"

Harry opened his mouth to answer that yes, he did indeed think he was really, really lucky, before he blinked as the full implications of Tonks' words filtered through his mind. "Wait, what does that mean?"

"Well, it could mean one of two things," Sirius said with a grave nod of his head. "One, she likes you. Or two, she really likes to tease."

"... And you're not going to tell me which it is, are you?" Harry glared back at his godfather, his eyes flashing dangerously.

"Mmm no, I'm not." Sirius agreed with a nod of his head as he then glanced over and threw a wink at James and Lily, causing the man to smirk slightly while his wife rolled her eyes.

"Honestly, Sirius... you're old enough to be a father, and you're still acting like you're stuck in Fifth year." Lily grumbled slightly as she eyed the man with a slight glower on her face.

"Why, yes, I suppose I am." Sirius agreed with a nod of his head, before studying the pair. "And tell me, when was the last time you two played a prank?"

James paused a moment, before glancing over at his wife, before responding a bit too quickly. "A long, long time."

"James Potter..." Lily spoke up, as she eyed her husband with a knowing eye. "What did you two do?"

"Two?" Sirius blinked slightly as he perked up. "Mooney's around?"

"He's the Defense Teacher, has been almost as long as we've been teaching our subjects." Lily answered absently as she glanced for a moment.

"Well, he is a brilliant Defense Teacher." Harry offered as he grinned slightly at the memory. "Had to be to teach a third year to to master the Patronus spell."

"Mastered?" Dumbledore perked at that as he eyed the boy. "You can cast a corporeal Patronus?"

"Heh, I can, so can a lot of the students I taught how to do it in the DA." Harry agreed with a nod of his head.

"Remarkable, I don't suppose you'd be willing to indulge an old man's curiosity?" The elderly man asked curiously.

In response, Harry smiled softly as he drew forth the memories of the joys he'd experienced in his life, before his wand shot out towards an empty spot of the office. "Expecto Patronum!"

And in a flash, there he was standing tall and proud in his full glory, the silver stag, carefully pacing around the small, confined space of the office. For a moment, it turned, studying both the Professors Potter and then Dumbledore, before it quietly strode over to Harry and Sirius, lightly butting his head against them both. Gently, Harry reached up, and lightly stroked the creature's side, before he again smiled at Dumbledore. "How's that?"

"James..." Lily spoke up, her eyes incredibly wide as she stared at the majestic creature in front of them.

"I see it, Lily... I see it." James agreed as he reached down, taking hold of her hand and squeezing it softly. "I see it."

"My Lord..." Dumbledore stared in absolute shock at the figure standing so proudly before him, before a smile slowly ghosted across his lips. "Truly, remarkable young man. A Patronus like that is a rare, powerful thing indeed."

"He drove off what must have been a hundred Dementors." Sirius agreed as he stared at the silvery figure of his best friend's animagus form. "Saved our lives he did."

"Saved me again at the end of summer from those Dementors Umbridge sent after me." Harry agreed, as he smiled at his patronus. "Thanks for that."

The Stag bowed its head a moment, before butting once more against Harry's chest before dispersing in a cloud of silver mist.

"I wish I could keep him around more often." Harry admitted a bit before glancing over at James. "So, Prongs, you were telling us what you and Mooney had been up to?"

Lily's eyes immediately sharpened as she glanced over at her husband. "Yes, _Prongs_, Do tell. What HAVE you been up to?"

"Errr..." James immediately began to sweat as he glanced nervously at his wife.

"Mmm... Has there been a recent spike in pranking activity?" Harry asked casually as he arched a brow. "And/or, the Weasley twins being remarkably subdued in public?"

"How did you...?" Lily immediately asked as she stared at Harry in shock.

Harry turned and faced James a smirk growing on his lips. "They found out about you and Mooney, didn't they?"

James blushed slightly before nodding his head in admission. "Yeah... I slipped up and called him Mooney where they could hear... How did they even recognize it?"

"They have the Map." Harry answered with a grin on his face. "Since I'm not here, I imagine they kept it for themselves instead of handing it over."

Blinking for a moment, James then lightly tapped his chin before nodding his head. "Yes, I suppose that would do it..."

"Let me guess, they were outraged that their beloved heroes had joined the ranks of their oppressors?" Harry offered curiously with a light smirk on his lips.

"They called us washed up." James answered back with a huff as he crossed his arms about his chest. "Naturally, we couldn't let that go unanswered."

"Naturally." Harry agreed with a nod of his head before glancing over at Sirius. "Let this be a lesson to you. Never allow the twins to know you're one of their heroes unless you're still in touch with your inner prankster."

"I have an inner prankster?" Sirius answered curiously as his eyes danced with mirth.

"Well, in your case, you just never grew up, so it never went and hid." Harry mused with a shrug before glancing at a bemused looking James. "So, you two decided to prove that the twins, in all their brilliance, are still no match for the might of the Marauders?"

"Really, James! Picking a fight with school children?" Lily sighed in exasperation as she lightly glared at the man.

"I suggest you make him pay." Harry agreed with a quick nod of his head. "One thousand Galleons to help them start up a joke shop should do it."

"Any reason you're naming the exact amount of money that was the prize money for the Tri-Wizard Tournament, Harry?" Sirius asked with a positively innocent smile on his lips.

"Yes, who do you think I gave mine to?" Harry countered with a slight smirk before he shook his head and smiled softly. "Their protest against Umbridge had better be recorded in the Hogwarts history."

"Ah, indeed." Sirius smiled as he recalled hearing the story from the twins themselves.

"Wait a moment... Tri-Wizard Tournament prize money?!" Lily stared at Harry in shock. "But... but you'd have only been..."

"Fourteen." Harry agreed with a nod of his head and a shrug of his shoulders. "Lemme tell you, out flying a Hungarian Horntail is pretty fun if you don't get yourself killed in the process."

"One of your more inventive moments." Sirius agreed with a nod of his head before noting the horrified shock on Lily's fear and the mix of outrage and pride on James'. "Though, I'm not so sure they agreed with me."

"Blame Barty Crouch Jr." Harry cut in before they could fully explode. "He's the one that cast the confundus that made that blasted thing think I was entered into the tournament under a fourth school."

"These things just happen to Harry." Sirius agreed with a shrug. "We've kind of learned to take them as they go..." He paused a moment, before suddenly grinning, evilly at his godson. "Why don't you tell them about the 1,000 year old basilisk that's in the Chamber of Secrets?"

"I would, but I'm sure they're more interested in the 14-year old boy you dragged through the old Whomping Willow tunnel by his leg." Harry countered with a serene smile on his lips.

Instantly all eyes were back on Sirius as the man whined loudly and cringed back from their stares. "He had Wormtail!"

"And you still dragged an innocent boy through the Whomping Willow." Harry countered as he crossed his arms about his chest and nodded firmly. "Which of course lead me and Hermione into following you. Really, that was incredibly irresponsible of you, Sirius."

"Well, excuse me for wanting to kill that little traitorous rat." Sirius grumbled softly but none-the-less refused to be cowed. "If only Mooney hadn't forgotten his potion."

"Or if Snape hadn't interfered." Harry agreed with a shrug. "Though, the look on Hermione's face when she realized she'd cursed a teacher... oh that was priceless."

"How you can be friends with a girl who keeps her wand so firmly shoved up her..." Sirius began.

"Sirius Orion Black!" Lily's voice pierced through the air as she glared back at the man. "Don't you dare finish that sentence and speak ill of that wonderful girl!"

"Note, I'm talking about OUR Hermione, not yours." Sirius countered with a glare. "Our Hermione didn't have Mrs. Lily Potter there to set her straight about her... habits."

"There are a few, subtle differences between our worlds." Harry agreed with a nod of his head. "Beyond the whole Sirius and me being dead, along with Voldemort."

"Such as?" Dumbledore offered helpfully as he studied the boy curiously.

"Oh, like we don't have a Billi Weasley or a Cassiopeia Black." Harry offered negligently with a half wave of his hand. "We have Ron Weasley, with his eldest brother Bill Weasley, and a Draco Malfoy." Harry paused a moment, before his face twisted into a grimace. "Who's a unmitigated git who likes to try and make things miserable for everyone around him."

"And Narcissa, Lucius and most of the Death Eaters that claimed the Imperius and had enough money to get away with it, are free." Sirius added with a nod of his head. "Troubling things really."

"Don't forget the jinx is still in place on the DADA class." Harry added quickly with a shake of his head. "A new teacher every year... ugh. And most of them trying to do some form of harm to me. Not to mention Snape is the one teaching potions. Ugh, bad enough he tried to teach me occlumancy on top of it."

"Severus... became a troubled man." Lily admitted carefully as she lightly glanced at her husband.

"If you say so." Harry shrugged a bit once more as he lightly glanced at James then Sirius. "Probably didn't help that he found himself a target of a certain grouping of four Gryffindors that will remain nameless."

Sirius shrugged unapologetically as James shifted guiltily in his chair before the last Black of his world spoke. "Snivellus was far from an innocent bystander. No matter what he says."

"Wasn't what he said." Harry paused a moment before shrugging reluctantly. "At least not just that. I saw one of his memories."

"... How exactly?" Sirius put forth as he studied Harry carefully.

"He left it in a penseive when I was waiting for him for our occlumency lesson." Harry blinked a moment. "Why?"

"... Ok, Harry. Snape? He's a devious, ruthless manipulative little snake. And you think he just HAPPENED to leave a memory of him being bullied in a penseive for you to find?" Sirius stared at Harry incredulously for a moment before shaking his head. "He's a mean, spiteful bastard who put his desire for power over his oldest friend." He paused a moment before glancing at the Professors. "Or, did he not call your Lils a mudblood?"

"Depends, did you try to get him killed in yours?" James countered with a light glare.

"Considering how he was trying to get us all expelled and wanted to find out Mooney's secret so he could reveal it to everyone?" Sirius refused to flinch as he crossed his arms about his chest. "If what you're saying is true. I wish I'd succeeded. I'd trade his life for my Prongs and Lils in a heartbeat. Even if it meant I had to become a murderer."

"You know we wouldn't have forgiven you, Sirius." James shot back quietly as he couldn't quite bring himself to meet the man's eyes while Lily's eyes were visibly torn.

"I could live with that." Sirius again stated unflinching. "You learn a lot about what you are and aren't willing to pay when you're stuck in Azkaban for as long as I was. Their lives for their love of me? Them growing up, being around to see Harry grow up? Those things would have made it worth it."

James stared at Sirius for a moment, while Lily beheld the man with a small amount of shock, before her husband nodded softly in acceptance. "I think our Sirius would have felt the same."

Sirius nodded his head, before looking back at Harry. "Just remember, Harry, there are two sides to everything. Do you think people would have loved your father so much if he was just some kind of arrogant bully?"

Harry paused a moment, before shrugging slightly. "Don't know. We'll see."

"I do have to admit, the circumstances you're mention are more than slightly suspicious, Harry." Dumbledore put in as he studied the boy carefully. "From what I remember of Severus Snape, he was hardly one to leave out something like that out of absentmindedness or carelessness."

"Like I said, we'll see." Harry agreed for a moment before glancing around. "So, what're we going to do for the rest of the school year?"

"I suppose we could talk Minerva into allowing you access to the grounds, since there are so many other students around from other schools." Dumbledore offered, his eyes twinkling. "It would allow you the chance to get to know your future classmates a bit."

"One question... am I going to be doing sixth year or repeating Fifth?" Harry asked curiously as he glanced around. "Because, I think I might like to just repeat fifth honestly. Didn't quite learn too terribly much. What with running the DA, Umbridge and a ole Riddle trying to force himself into my head."

"I'm sure we can arrange something." Albus agreed with a merry twinkle in his eyes as he nodded his head in acceptance. "As well as figuring things out to ensure you get home properly."

"Fine, fine." Harry paused a moment, before glancing around as he shifted uneasily. "But, I want that firebolt."

"Oh, I think we might be able to see about that." James spoke up, his eyes twinkling themselves as he ignored the way his wife lightly forced her elbow into his side.

-o-o-o-

Harry watched the girl who could only be this world's version of Draco Malfoy with a bemused smirk on his lips as she moved with a graceful precision through her drills. Apparently in this world, Angelina wasn't content to simply sit around, waiting for the next year to start and for everyone to be out of practice. As the blonde girl in the red and gold jumper shifted and spun around, Harry chuckled again, before kicking up up with his broom and flying in her direction.

"Who the bloody hell are you?" Cassiopeia Black's grey eyes flashed dangerously as she beheld what appeared to be a young James Potter with emerald eyes smirking back at her as he floated on a broom.

"Me?" Harry chuckled for a moment as he lightly leaned against his broom, a firebolt of all things, before he suddenly grinned back at her. "Oh just someone here to check out the competition since I'm going to be here for the next year."

"Competition? You? Don't make me laugh! It takes more than a fancy broom to compete here, and if you think you can out seek me, you've got another thing coming!"

"Really, you've got what, two years experience playing seeker?" Harry couldn't help but grin a bit more. No matter what reality, and no matter his gender, Draco Malfoy was always fun to rile up.

He did have to admit a moment later that she did blush cutely when she shot back her response, "Yeah, what of it? I beat out the previous seeker for our team!"

"Who's been playing, what, a year? Basically a filler to replace the star, Charlie Weasley." Harry grinned again before suddenly he shot through the air and his hand was hovering above her cheek. "I've been playing seeker since I was a firstie. And, the only matches I wasn't the one with the snitch in his hand, were the ones someone decided to butt in on and cheated."

She was blushing even brighter now as she glared back at the boy. "Well, that was where ever you were at, not here! You'll find things different here!"

"Maybe," Harry agreed amiably as he drew his hand back to reveal the shining form of the struggling snitch. "But, then again, maybe not, princess."

She couldn't help but stare in open mouthed shock at the sight, before he sent a quick wink at her and tossed the school's snitch to her. "Keep an eye on that for me, princess, I'll be back for it this fall."

As she continued to fluster, Harry laughed lightly then curled backwards and dove for the waiting earth like a rock, pulling off a perfect Wronsky Feint at the last possible moment to end up hovering in front of an irate looking James Potter.

"And, just what do you think you're doing?!"

"Having fun?" Harry offered up, grinning back at the man. "No matter what reality, it's fun to mess with Malfoy."

"Harry, you can't just..."

"Prongs." James flinched slightly as the word left the lips of a boy who could have been his son. "I have a year, where I get to live in a world where I get to just be Harry. Not the Boy-who-Lived, not the Chosen One, not the top person on Voldemort's hit list, and not even the freak nephew of the Dursleys. A year where I get to just be me. And I'm going to enjoy it to the fullest."

And you're going to do it by picking on that poor, sweet girl?"

"Well I guess I take after my father then." Harry answered with a simple shrug of his shoulders. "He apparently liked to pick on people too."

As the words sunk in, James flinched back as he couldn't quite meet Harry's eyes. "That was different."

"Ah, but at least all I'm doing is teasing her." Harry continued, ignoring the answer James tried to give as he caught sight of a curious looking Viktor Krum walking in their direction. "I told her I was just there to check out the competition when she simply assumed I was beneath her consideration of possibly being a challenge to her position." His eyes suddenly flashed for a moment. "I don't like it when people assume I'm beneath them."

Before James could say anything further in response, Viktor came close enough to speak up. "That looked to be impressive flying. Seeker?"

"Since the first day I remember getting on a broom." Harry agreed with a grin on his lips. "A bully decided to steal my friend's remember-all. I chased after him, he couldn't get away, so he decided to throw it. I ended up pulling off a Wronsky Feint, without knowing what it was, just as I caught it. I ended up earning a detention and a spot on the team as a firstie."

"Impressive." Viktor nodded his head, his stern countenance lightening slightly. "But, are you good with snitch?"

"Haven't lost a snitch, except when I got attacked by Dementors in the middle of a match." Harry's grin only grew as he answered. "But, that doesn't say much, does it? How about we find out how good I really am?"

"A challenge?" Now Viktor was smiling, albeit a small, slight smile. "Interesting."

"I've wanted to see how I'd do against you since the first time I saw you in a match." Harry's eyebrow rose before he asked. "Feel up to a friendly challenge?"

In response, Viktor reached into his pocket and unshrunk a firebolt of his own. "Ja, Challenge then."

"Oi! Princess!" Harry called up to the visibly staring Cassiopeia. "Mind if we borrow that snitch again?"

"Wait, WHAT?!" The girl almost shrieked in outrage as she stared back at the black haired boy who looked even more eery standing there next to the trasnfiguration professor. "But... That... That's Viktor Krum!"

"Why, yes, it is!" Harry paused a moment, looking at Viktor an exaggerated expression of shock on his face. "And, I do believe that's the whole point of me asking you for the snitch. So we can have ourselves a bit of fun." Harry paused a moment, before glancing over at a groaning James Potter. "Is she always this dense?"

"Ja." It was Viktor who spoke up as he nodded his head, as if terribly sad. "Should have seen her at Ball. Good dancer, not good date."

Harry's lips twitched just a bit before shaking his head as he lightly canted his head towards Viktor. "Well, perhaps her date simply didn't know how to properly... stimulate her then?"

Viktor stared back at Harry for a moment, as he carefully began to process the words the boy had said, before a soft laugh broke past his lips as he nodded his head. "Perhaps."

As the girl in question's mouth fell open again, as Harry suddenly kicked back, wrapping himself about his broom even as he fell towards landing on his back before rocketing up suddenly through the air. In a flash, he was past the girl and the snitch had vanished from her hand. An instant later, he was lightly floating down, before he tossed the snitch to James with a grin.

"So, want to count us off then?" Harry paused a moment there, before glancing over at Krum. "Unless you have some objections to him being the one to release it?"

"Is good choice." Was Viktor's simple response as he settled himself onto his broom, and took up his position opposite Harry.

"You know, I think you broke her." James noted as he lightly shook his head and smirked slightly as he pulled out the snitch and tapped it firmly with his wand. "I've just set the snitch to professional mode. Do either of you have any objections?"

"No." Krum answered succinctly as his eyes locked onto the snitch

"Wouldn't have it any other way." Harry agreed with a grin as he settled himself into his own ready position.

"10 second delay for the snitch to fly." James spoke up as he smirked slightly. "First to have full control over it wins. Start on my mark." With that the man let the snitch fly as it zoomed away flashing through the air as both seekers focused their eyes on it, the count silent for a moment, their bodies tensed, coiling, before suddenly James shouted out. "BEGIN!"

And in a flash they were blasting through the sky, racing neck and neck as they followed after the buzzing and dancing snitch.

Loops were flown through, their grips tight on their brooms as they passed simultaneously through one of the rings without so much as batting an eye. In an instant, as the snitch started to suddenly to a full reverse, ducking underneath both flyers, Harry dropped into a sloth grip roll as his fingers brushed for a moment against the feathery wings of the snitch before it was gone. In an instant, he was back in position, his broom looping again as the pair of them suddenly split, Viktor pulling high while Harry dropped low.

In a flash, the crowd suddenly froze in their spots as the pair raced towards the suddenly stationary snitch. Viktor dove, his body pressed back against the length of his broom as he gripped tight, eyes locked into the snitch as one hand slowly shifted out, ready, coiled. Harry rose from beneath, his own slim body wrapped about his firebolt, his fingers ready, as for a moment, it seemed the two were about to collide one with the other over the middle of the pitch. Then, suddenly they twisted, arms snaking out even as they simultaneously pulled away, both arching back as their hands shot out towards the snitch, only to have it suddenly dance away.

A soft gasp of relief echoed through the crowds as the pair coiled back, meeting once more as they followed after the snitch, even as it rose upwards to the heavens. They spiraled after it. Circling around each others as they each seemed to draw closer and closer in their hard pressed match. Then, just as suddenly they peeled back, falling once more towards the earth before flashing out towards the opposite end of the pitch.

Whenever one made a gain, the other would counter, and again they'd be neck and neck. When they swept low to the ground, the slowly gathering crowd could see the wide, almost carefree grins plastered across both teen's faces as their eyes never left the snitch. Time and again, they almost crashed, in to the earth, into each other, into one of the various fliers who had grown far far too adventurous.

Finally, there was a sudden twist as the pair spiraled together, even tighter than before as they plummeted towards the rings closest to the crowd. Their bodies, almost touching, their eyes, firmly locked onto the prize slowly losing ground to their rapidly growing momentum. Suddenly they broke off, angling in opposite directions as they watched the snitch dart into one of the rings.

They moved, coming towards one another to where the snitch hovered, fluttering between the center ring. Closer and closer they drew, each with a look of total concentration, focus on their face. Then, just before they entered the ring, it dove off, swerving to the side. In that instant, Harry let go of the handle of his broom completely, locking his legs around his mount to keep himself secure, before grabbing on the outer edge of the ring, twisting violently as he could feel his arm popping out of his shoulder before he bit back a grimace.

In one flash, his free hand snapped out, and in an instant, the snitch was in his hand, struggling before the match was ended in and instant.

As he slowed his broom, he balanced carefully on it as he grinned back at a similarly hovering Krum, his opponent. For a moment, the pair merely hovered there, before finally a slight smile and a nod passed Krum's features. "Good match."

"Thanks." Harry agreed before pausing slightly and wincing. "I don't suppose you know how to set a dislocated shoulder?"

Wordlessly the young man floated over, his hands gripping onto Harry's limp arm before he spoke. "Will hurt."

Viktor hadn't even finished speaking before he'd suddenly set the arm back into its joint, drawing a sharp hiss of pain from the younger man, before he reached out and drew his wand, muttering softly as he gestured over the injured shoulder, and the throbbing pain dulled slightly. "Will be sore. But, should be fine."

"Thanks." Harry grinned again as he looked happily back to the man. "And I mean that. I've always wanted to see how I did against the real deal."

"You are good," Krum said the words very carefully, meaningfully as he looked at the boy. "One day... I hope to find myself playing you again. This time, at World Cup."

"We'll see." Harry smiled softly and nodded his head back to the teen, before they both descended back towards the stunned crowd.

When they landed, Harry handed the snitch over to the smiling James and chuckled just a bit. "Thanks for that. Make sure the princess gets her snitch back, would you?"

"You're not going to back off on her, are you?" James sighed slightly as he took the snitch and shook his head for a moment, before the smile broke through once more. "But... Merlin can you fly."

"Yeah, always was something I loved to do." Harry agreed with a nod of his head before he caught sight of a familiar head of silvery blonde hair. "Excuse me, there's something I need to do."

And with that, James watched in confusion, before he saw Harry striding meaningfully towards a somberly smiling Fleur Delacour.

-o-o-o-

Fleur had mainly stumbled on the sudden exhibition moments after it had begun, but she had to admit, she was impressed. Viktor Krum was arguably the best Seeker of their generation. Playing for his national team before he'd even graduated from his school, catching the snitch against Ireland, and so many other victories along the way.

And the boy had kept up. Had matched him move for move as they did things on a broom she could only dream of. It was beauty in it's simplest form. The way they guided their brooms, the way they moved with them, seemed one with them. Then, that boy, the unknown who had already done the unthinkable, took it a step further. He'd won.

She'd cheered along with everyone else after the stunned silence had passed as the two hung together in the air, saying and doing something none of them could quite make out. Then, finally the moment had passed, and a sudden thought brought her crashing back to reality. She'd thought about how she couldn't wait to tell Gabrielle about it.

Her heart ached then as she hugged herself a moment, before she slipped slightly back into the crowd, watching as the fliers descended. A slight, somber smile falling across her face as she watched the smiles on everyone's faces. Then, the boy, who looked so much like the Hogwarts Transfiguration teacher, only with brilliant, piercing emerald eyes catch sight of her, and he began to move towards her.

A grimace immediately curled across her lips as she could feel the bitter twist of distaste swell up against her throat. Oh, how she prayed he wouldn't be one of those posturing little peacocks that had been strutting around her so much lately. Trying to catch her eye, wanting to get into the knickers of the beautiful quarter veela witch who'd just won the Triwizard Tournament.

As he approached, she prepared her rebuff and her excuse, a plastic smile affixing itself on her lips as she brought her eyes up to his. Only to freeze the moment she actually took a close look at his face. His earlier, triumphant smile had melted away, leaving only a thin press of his lips as his emerald eyes had taken on a haunted, knowing look as they looked back into her own.

"Madam Delacour... I just wanted to express my sincerest condolences for your loss." The words that left his mouth did not ring of the false sense of promise and feigned sympathy that dripped off so many who'd spoken with her. No, as she looked into those eyes, she could a matching look that so often haunted her mirror of late. "I heard your sister was a wonderful girl. Words cannot express the tragedy of her loss."

For a moment she said nothing to the unexpected words of empathy, as she stared up into this stranger's knowing eyes and felt a slight smile and a nod of her head as she spoke in response. "I zank you. Still, at least I was able to win ze tournament, non? Something for 'er at least."

Again, he surprised her, as he snorted softly in response and shook his head as his own gaze took on a far off look. "Glory and money are a worthless payment for a loss like that. Just as we both know you'd willingly sacrifice it a thousand times over to have the chance to bring her back."

Fleur stared back into those distant eyes, and saw the slight glistening of tears as he was looking off into the distance in stunned silence as his words struck deep into her heart, and she slowly nodded her head. "True. I would give most anyzing to 'ave 'er back. You speak, from experience?"

A sad bitter smile crossed his lips and the boy nodded his head in acknowledgment of that truth. "A year ago, I was in a contest much like this one. Along with my friend. His life was taken, and I was left alone as the victor. And not a day goes by, that I wish I had been able to save him."

"I am sorry to 'ear zat." Fleur nodded her head in slow acceptance as she offered him another smile. "I zank you for your words. After zat contest... I zought about how much I would enjoy telling it to Gabrielle."

"Then tell her." Harry smiled slightly and nodded back at her with a shrug. "Wherever she is, I'm sure she'll hear." His hand came up, those slender fingers warm as they lightly rested on her shoulder. "And I don't think it would hurt."

For a moment, she said nothing, staring back into those emerald eyes, before she nodded her head, letting her cheek dip for a moment, and he could feel the soft, touch of her cheek resting against his hand. "Merci... Zank you..." She paused a moment, before a faint blush swelled across her cheeks as she looked up at him again. "I am sorry, but I do not know your name."

"Harry." He smiled slightly back at her and nodded his head. "And it's all right. I know what it's like to need someone to be there."

-o-o-o-

James Potter stared. There was no other word for it. He simple stood there and stared in open mouthed shock as he watched the way the boy that could have been his son gracefully excuse himself from the stunned group of students who had just watched the feat of aerial skill to walk straight towards Fleur Delacour and somehow managed to get the girl to not only smile, a genuine smile real smile, but blush and rest her cheek against his hand.

"You know, Prongs, that really isn't a good look for you." Sirius noted with an amused grin as he casually poked the man lightly with his wand. "Wouldn't you agree, oh loveliest of Lilies?"

"If you say so." Lily's eyes, like James' were riveted on Harry, watching the way he spoke with the French witch and her reactions to whatever it was he was saying. "I'm just... How did he end up so charming?"

"He's a Potter." James stated with no small amount of pride as he broke out of his stupor, his eyes shining.

"I've honestly been wondering that myself." Sirius agreed as if James hadn't said a thing. "I mean... if you two are anything like MY James and Lily... Well..."

"Hey!" The more than slight indignation in the married couple's voices brought their gazes fully onto the rather amused looking Black.

"What can I say? James, on occasion could be charming, it just took a lot of effort on his part." While his friend's doppelganger glared back at him, Sirius slowly shook his head before glancing at his wife. "Lils though? No offense my dear, you're friendly, but you're about as charming as a sledgehammer."

For a moment, she glowered back at the man, before wincing slightly in recollection. "Well, I'll admit I can be a bit… blunt."

"A bit?" Echoed between James and Sirius, it only brought a further twitch to Lily's face

"Fine. Have it your way." The woman threw up her hands and sighed as she glared back at the pair while grumbling audibly

"… I think I just earned myself a night or two on the couch." James noted with a sour twist of his lips and a slight sigh as he carefully read his wife's eyes.

"Well, you did fall in love with the girl with the biggest temper in the school." Sirius countered before shaking his head slightly.


	12. HP: Tomb Raider Curse Breaker

Disclaimer: Tomb Raider is owned by Eidos/Square Enix (Square Enix acquired Eidos) and Harry Potter is owned by JK Rowling.

Author's Note: A bit of an idea for a pairing I might throw into one of my fics that I was inspired enough to write a side story to.

Bill Weasley groaned softly as he slowly forced himself from the blissful ignorance of sleep, to his hangover filled reality. A naked, hangover filled reality, he noted a moment later as he lightly shifted slightly, until he finally noticed the warm weight on his chest. His eyes cracking open, he quickly amended his previous though, a naked with an equally naked bird on his chest, with the smell of alcohol and sex sticking heavily into the air.

"Ugh, Merlin, how much did I drink last night?" He squinted lightly as he glanced out to the Egyptian sun streaming through the open window.

"Enough to keep up with me," a husky, female, and equally British voice murmured from his chest. "And that's saying something..." Dark chocolate eyes cracked open a moment, studying the man beneath her before lazily falling shut once more.

He blinked a moment, studying the woman's face in front of him, before he lightly let his eyes roam down the remainder of her lean, but more than adequately curved frame. Unconsciously, his fingers trailed down set of thin, jagged scars running parallel along her ribs. "Mmm... cat?"

"Tiger." She clarified as she would let her own eyes slip open and she studied the leanly muscled man beneath her, casually looking at a diamond shaped scar at his shoulder. "Spear?"

"Spike." He grinned lightly as he corrected her, then brushed his arm along her arm, tracing a long, thin scar. "Sword?"

"Pendulum." A slow grin was crossing her lips as she slowly sat up, straddling his waist as her unruly brown hair swayed messily in its braid, the sunlight high lighting her body. "Tomb Raider?"

"Curse Breaker." He corrected without thinking, before groaning just a bit as he looked up at her with a light sheepish grin. "Dun suppose you'd ignore that as the ramblin's of a hungover bloke?"

"Wizard." She noted with a wry grin, but made no move to get off him as she lightly ran her fingers down his stomach.

"Bill." He responded, grinning back at her before he took one of those wandering hands from his chest, and brought it to his lips. "As I doubt I properly introduced myself last night."

"My my, a curse breaker with manners?" She laughed lightly, not the light, dainty thing of a lady, but a deep, genuine laugh. "Lara."

He blinked a moment, something tugging at his mind as he lightly ran his thumb over the back of her hand for a moment, studying her, before his dusky brown eyes widened in recognition. "Lady Croft?"

"Bah, and you were doing so well." She sighed slid down to lay her arms crossed about his chest, staring into his eyes. "That a problem, Bill?"

For a moment, he said nothing, regarding her as she lay so casually on his chest, before he made a simple little shrug. "Nah, not really. You've just got quite the reputation in my line of work."

"Yes, I'm sure the goblins just love me." She rolled her eyes slightly before grinning a bit, as a slight hopeful look entered her eyes. "I don't suppose you happen to have some of that delightful hangover cure potion?"

"In my room, possibly." He agreed while smiling slightly. "But, seeing as how I fail to recognize where we are..."

"Of course." She sighed slightly and looked around the room. "My, we certainly seemed to have made the mess, haven't we?"

Looking around himself, Bill couldn't help but laugh slightly as he grinned back at the amused woman atop him. "Well, it would appear we were both quite... enthusiastic."

"I do happen to have that reputation." Lara agreed as she smirked back at the man. "How about you, Bill? What kind of reputation do you have hmmm?"

"One for being good enough to still be in one piece." He paused a moment, before teasingly adding. "And leaving my tombs that way too."

Lara laughed softly as she would smile back at him. "What can I say? I tend to need things more than a little... rugged." She leaned slowly forward, her lips hovering above his own. "Tell me, Bill, think you're rugged enough, hmmm?"

"I've always been the kind to show, not tell." He responded, as he suddenly rolled her over on the bed, pressing down between her thighs. "Shall I get to showing?"

"Oh, I do think I like you..." Lara purred back as her arms wrapped up about his back, just before the door to the hotel suddenly exploded inwards.

"CROFT!!!!" A shrill voice screamed in outrage and violence.

"Bugger." Two voices hissed in unison with mirrored glances of irritation.

"Have you seen my guns?"

"Have you seen my wand?"

The sentences came in unison, as the pair immediately dover off the bed and moved away from the sight of the door. Glancing down at his naked body, Lara grinned up at the man a moment later before breaking to scan the room. "Well, I've seen one of em..."

"Ah, but I need the one that doesn't want to kill the blokes who need a reminder of that coitus interuptus is bad form." Bill grinned back at her as a sweep of gunshots erupted through the bedroom doorway. "Hum, rather irritable chaps, aren't they?"

"Quite." Lara agreed as her eyes light up when she saw one of her pistols atop a pair of boxers. "Ah there we are."

Following Lara's gaze, Bill laughed softly in response, "Well, at least we know which you put first."

"Great minds it would seem." Lara shot back as she gestured to where his wander holster resided atop a pair of crumpled panties.

"Delightful." Bill agreed, before waiting for the bark of the gunshots to die down, before he dove across the room, grabbing his holster and her panties in the process before quickly slipping it on, and flicking his wrist, bringing his wand out. "Ah much better."

With a quick gesture, Lara's pistol rose into the air and floated quickly over to the woman. With a grateful smile, she plucked it into her grip and quickly chambered a round. "My thanks, kind Sir."

"Not a problem, fair Lady." He laughed back before transforming a discarded sock into a mirror to let him see the group of rather disreputable men aiming their weapons into the room. "When we get out of here, I must insist on taking you to dinner."

"Why Bill, are you trying to get into my knickers?" Lara grinned back at the man, before she quickly curled around the door frame, and returned fire that sent the men scattering with several barks of pain before the returned fire.

"I think I already did that." He shot back as he meaningfully held up her panties even as he threw a shielding charm over her, the bullets never even coming close. "But its not often I meet a woman who gets a fire fight instead of breakfast for room service the morning after."

Whirling around the opposite end of the door's frame, Bill wordlessly threw out a series of blugeoning and cutting curses at the fire arm carrying muggles, taking down a number of them in rapid succession. "But, I might advise you on making yourself scarce right quick, Lara." He commented quickly as he made another quick gesture as the sheet she'd pulled over herself quickly transfigured itself into a pair of shorts and shirt. "The Egyptian Aurors should be showing up any minute, and I'd rather prefer to not have them Oblivate you of all this."

"How sweet of you." She smiled back at him before blowing him a kiss. "Shoes?"

Quickly summoning her footwear, he gently banished it back over to the girl and slowly stood up as she pulled them on. "Ready?"

"Look me up when you get back home, it looks like I'm headed there right quick." Lara grinned back at the man. "Oh, and I'd appreciate it if you found my other gun and brought it with you."

"I'm sure." Bill laughed, before he winked back at the tomb raider. "See you there."

And then with a crack, he apparated into the main room, directly behind the gunmen as he started to throw a rapid succession of stunners that knocked the still conscious ones out. Grumbling slightly as he walked back into the room, he had enough time to pull on his boxers and pant, before summoning the remainder of Lara's items, and shrinking them into his pocket before the Egyptian Aurors showed up, right as he was binding the men with ropes.

"Mornin' gents, tell me is this what room service normally sends when you order a continental breakfast?"

-Croft Manor, some weeks Later-

Hillary arched a brow as he beheld the grinning man with his brilliant red hair held back in a ponytail behind his back, dressed in some kind of reptile skin jacket and jeans. "Can I help you, Sir?"

"Well, I'm hoping I'm returning these to the right place?" Bill offered hopefully as he held up a brown paper bag. "I was in Cairo, waking up with this delightfully intriguing woman, when a rather rude group of things decided that we needed a morning helping of hot, flying metal. Sadly, the woman in question had to depart, missing a good number of things as she left, so I figured I'd return them."

"Ah, yes one moment, Sir, if you'd like to come in and have a seat while I fetch Lady Croft?" The butler nodded gently without so much as batting an eye.

"Not a problem...?" He left the air hanging, waiting with a casual grin on his lips for the butler's name.

"Hilary, Sir." His lips almost, almost twitched as he beheld the man, before gesturing for him to follow.

"Not a problem, Hilary." Bill agreed, before being led into a rather spacious waiting room, to be seated while he awaited the lady of the house.

As he waited, he drew out a rather weathered leather book and leafed through the pages, lips pursing as he would scratch out a few notes here with careful strokes of a fountain pen.

"My, I must not have made the kind of impression I thought I had to have you here, scribbling away in your little book instead of eagerly awaiting my arrival." Lara's voice drawled with amusement from the doorway.

Taking the time to recap his pen, and slip both objects back into his jacket, Bill looked up to the source of the voice with an easy smile on his lips as he beheld a glistening Lara Croft dressed in a damn tank top and matching shorts. "Enough of an impression, that leaves me wondering how you always manage to find yourself looking so radiant whenever I meet you."

"Still a charmer when you're not hungover, hmm?" Lara laughed softly as she slid easily forward, her body flowing with a sensual grace as she gestured down towards the paper bag, "For me?"

"Your clothes." He offered in way of explanation, before he reached into his jacket pocket, and withdrew two shrunken objects. With a wink, and a flick of his wrist, his wand was out, and with a tap, they expanded to reveal her panties and her gun. "And these, I figured I'd make certain I got back to you directly."

"Why thank you, Bill." She drawled back with laughter in her eyes as she took the items from him and smirked slightly. "You caught me in the middle of one of my training sessions." She studied him carefully for a moment, before offering him a cheeky grin. "Care to see if you can keep up?"

"My dear Lara, is that a challenge?" Bill grinned back at her as he easily slid to his feet, and grinned back at her with his warm brown eyes dancing. "Or a proposition?"

"Maybe a bit of both, hmm?" She winked back at him before turning around, looking back over her shoulder. "But you'll have to follow me to find out."

-The Burrow, some weeks later-

"Of all the.... No, he couldn't go and meet a nice young witch, could he?" Molly Weasley glared at the letter that landed in front of her. "No, he had to go find some bloody muggle he quit his job for to go gallivanting around the world with!"

"What's that Mum?" Ron blinked slightly as he came down the stairs, Hermione right behind him as they caught a bit of her ranting. "Who quit their job?"

"Bill!" The woman half shrieked as she waved the letter around. "He's gone and quit Gringotts! Says he's doing better as a bloody independent working with that... that damned muggle he's been seeing!"

"Ah... Did he give her name at least?" Ron blinked slightly as he watched his mother rant wave the letter about.

"Lara bloody Croft!" Molly answered him even as she began going to work on a howler.

"Lara Croft?" Hermione spoke up, her eyes wide. "As in, LADY Croft?! The tomb raider?!"

"That little bint is stealing my William!"


	13. Naruto: Bare Naked Time Travel

Disclaimer: Naruto Belongs to Kishimoto

Author's Notes: I'm being silly again… and trying to escape talks of politics.

-Fic, BEGIN!-

Naruto Uzumaki groaned loudly as he pushed himself up, his face palmed against his cheek as he slowly made note of his current situation. Clothes? Nope. In his house? Nu uh. Forehead protector and bits still attached? Yup, ok, everything important was good to go.

Groaning again as he could feel the hangover begin to fade, he grunted softly as he looked around him, frowning slightly. "Ugh, that's the last time I let Anko and Granny convince me to go drinking with them." He paused a moment, before chuckling slightly. "At least until the next time."

Stretching out, the 23 year old ninja let out an amused yawn and a rueful chuckle as he lightly scrached at his side. "Huh, Training Ground 44, huh? Anko musta been feeling silly."

It was then, he got a very… troubling sensation. The fox was amused. That was never good. Sighing in resignation, the boy grumbled slightly before crossing his feet and journeying back into his mind.

"Oi, what's so damned funny, ya little furry bastard?" Naruto looked at the steel bars of the fox's prison, and glared down at the little cub that was all that was left of the once mighty Kyuubi.

"Oh, shut up, brat!" The voice squeaked out, the fox actually sticking its tongue out at him as it huffed slightly in its pen. "It's bad enough you've stolen most of my power…"

"I prefer to think of it as it being a charitable donation to the restoration of Konoha for the damage you did…" He paused a moment, before grinning back at the fox. "And, you're a dirty little old bastard of a voyeur."

"Only because I can't DO anything anymore!" The disturbingly cute little nine tailed kit protested immediately before grinning wickedly up at the boy. "Oh, by the way… you're in a spectacular situation now. One of the most amusing I've EVER come across in fact!"

"Right." Naruto drawled, lightly sticking his pinky into his ear and wiggling it about. "What's so damned amusing about my waking up naked in the Forest of Death for the what… twentieth time now?"

With a silent grin the fox gestured to a scene unfolding in the back of the cage, the bar, with himself, Anko, and Tsunade drinking and carrying on, only to be joined by.. Kakashi and Sasuke? Suddenly, Naruto could feel a horrible tingle of trepidation surging through him. Looking down incredulously at the fox for a moment, he then stared up at the scene. "They didn't."

"Ohoho! But they did!" The fox was positively gleeful as it nodded its head watching as the boy leaned up against the bars and stared in fascinated horror as he watched himself and his friends grow progressively more and more drunk, until finally…

"Ah hah! I have you now!" And with that, the fox lunged forward, starting at Naruto and immediately clamped its powerful jaws down onto his waiting prey, grinning in triumph as his little mouth grabbed hold of Naruto's pants leg.

"Bad fox." Naruto said absently, a rolled up newspaper materializing in his hand as he lightly bapped the miniature demon on its nose, causing it to yelp lightly as it immediately released his clothes. "Bad! Sit!"

Plopping reflexively down on its haunches, the fox glared up at the boy with a light pout. "Never shoulda let you take that Inuzuka class on obedience training."

"Yeah, yeah." Naruto noted absently, as he watched himself get into a drunken argument with his former team mate and former instructor, that could be quickly summed up by Sasuke's drunken declaration.

"We… can zzzoo shendin time back shomeone through!" The black haired Uchiha declared. "Rightz Kakazi?"

"Name'sh Kakachi, not Kakazi!" The silver haired jounin hiccupped back. "Und… I dun sheee why not!"

"Shee!?" Sasuke grinned triumphantly at his blonde friend.

"Believes it… wun Ah sheez it." Naruto's own drunken voice came back.

"Fine! Lezh prove et!" The Uchiha shot back. "Rody Kazika?"

"Kakabi!" The jounin insisted even as he pulled up his protector to reveal his blood red sharingan eye, which quickly shifted into its Magenkyo form.

Next to him. Sasuke's eyes did the same, and suddenly the air seemed to distort around Naruto. And then, with a pop, the blonde man simply vanished… leaving behind a pile of clothes to occupy his seat.

"Shee!? We did it!" Sasuke said proudly, before collapsing unconscious at the bar.

"Yeah… but where'd you send him?" Kakashi asked before he himself passed out.

Glancing over at the two, Anko got a sudden, wicked gleam in her eyes. "Lightweightsh… I'll have… ta… ta… teach em a lesson!"

"Huh… I wonder how I could see all that even after I vanished," Naruto paused, before shrugging a bit as he face-faulted lightly, "So… I got sent back in time…"

"Naked!" The Kyuubi pointed out with a highly amused grin.

"Naked," Naruto agreed, unable to deny that fact. "Because my friends got drunk and goaded me into challenging them into proving their ability to send someone back in time?"

"Yup!" Kyuubi grinned happily as its nine tails swayed back and forth.

"Hmm… I wonder how far back I've gone?" Lightly tapping his lower lip he looked over at the fox. "I suppose I should go and vanish, isolating myself from the rest of the world in order to allow the time line to maintain itself and lead back to the one I came from."

"That would be the responsible choice." Kyuubi nodded, still grinning brightly.

"Yes, and as Hokage, I really am supposed to set an example for responsible behavior." Naruto responded with a sage nod of his head.

"Yup, yup, you do wear the big hat." The kitsune agreed, nodding its head as its grin never once abated.

"Really is a shame then, that I've always been horrible at doing the smart, responsible thing, isn't it?" Naruto grinned back at the extremely happy looking fox. "And besides…. I need a vacation, all that damned paper work!"

"… you usually just have a bunch of shadow clones go through it while you're slacking off."

"Yes, but I still get the memories from doing it all!" Naruto immediately protested. "And just think… if I've gone back early enough, I can get my younger self the harem I always wanted!"

"You mean the harem you have back where you come from?" The Kyuubi smirked slightly at that, watching his ever amusing jailor.

"Yes yes, but think of all the frustration I could be working through if I got it started earlier!" He paused a moment, before grinning down at the fox. "And think of all the entertainment!"

"Well, yes." The fox eagerly admitted with a quick, happy nod of its head. "There is that."

"I'm glad we had this discussion fox, you've proven you're more than just a lecherous old demon offering up advice on the best way to liven up my sex life!" And with that, Naruto grinned back at the fox and quickly popped into the real world.

"Oh, this should be entertaining!" The fox settled down on a plush pillow, a bowl of popcorn materializing in front of it as it settled in and began to watch.

A short transformation later and the man at least appeared to be wearing clothing, a mix of orange, black and red that actually resembled being stylish. Before he was practically bouncing out of the Forest of Death. After a moment's pause, he considered, lightly stroking his chin again. "Hrm… Better put up a disguise… yes, a disguise would be perfect!"

After a moment's consideration, there was a flash, as again the man transformed himself, as this time, Naruto was replaced by the figure of a grown up Gaara, sans tattoo and with hair the same color as Temari's. Pursing his lips, a suddenly quite frightening grin blossomed on his face. Even more so, for those who knew Gaara himself.

"Ok… first stop, the Academy!" Cackling softly to himself, Naruto bounced across the rooftops of Konoha, eagerly bounding towards the Konoha ninja academy.

-The Academy-

Naruto blinked and stared in absolute shock at the sight in front of him. There he was, in all his small glory, glaring at Iruka-sensei the day before his final attempt at graduating the ninja academy. "Over 10 years?! Oi, when I get my hands on those two!"

A soft cough was issued behind him, causing the man to look over his head at a familiar pair of ANBU ninja, standing firmly over him. A grin of recognition flashing across his face, he waved at the pair. "Yamato! Yuugao! What's up?"

For a moment, frozen silence reigned in the air as the pair of ANBU glanced at one another, before leveling looks at the man, while the man spoke up first. "I'm afraid you have us at a disadvantage… And considering we have no idea who you are… or how you got into the village…"

"Well, I am in disguise." Naruto responded with a serious nod of his head. "Had a bit too much to drink last night, and my friends… well they decided it would be amusing for me to wake up naked in training ground 44."

The pair paused a moment, before the violet haired masked woman spoke up. "Anko?"

"Anko." Naruto nodded sagely. "And a few others. But I suppose I really should go talk to the old man. Got a few things that I need to tell him and well…" He paused a moment and grinned sheepishly. "I'm afraid Its kinda hush hush you know."

"Old man…?" Yamato repeated for a moment, staring at the man in front of him. "You can't mean…"

"Old man Hokage of course!" Naruto grinned at the pair a moment, before winking at them. "See you at the tower!"

And then in a blink, the man was gone, leaving a very confused pair of ANBU looking at one another. Recovering first, Yamato glanced at his partner. "Not it."

"Dammit." Yuugao growled softly. "I hate writing the reports for people crazy enough to go drinking with Anko."

-The Hokage Tower-

"Honorable Hokage-sama!" Naruto's outraged voice suddenly startled Hiruzen Sarutobi's attention away from his Icha Icha. "You're supposed to be setting an example for our young ninja! How can you be reading that… that… Ooooh is that an advance copy?"

"Hey!" The old man growled slightly as his book vanished from his hands and into the grasp of an unfamiliar blonde haired ninja. "Who are you and what're you doing here?"

"Hmm? Did you say something?" The man looked up with a lazy eye in an incredibly accurate portrayal of Kakashi.

"Who are you?" The man repeated as he rose to his feet, his body tensed and ready. "What're you doing here?"

"Naruto Uzumaki-Namizaki." The man responded with a cheerful voice. "And I'm here, because I got into a drunken argument about the possibility of sending someone back in time with a pair of idiots with Magenkyo sharingans."

"You look nothing like Naruto-kun." The man said flatly as he glared back at the man.

"Well, of course I don't." Naruto looked back at the man incredulously. "I would hardly be in disguise if I looked anything like I normally do. Come on old man, I know you're not THAT old."

"Then drop the disguise." The man said flatly.

"Are you sure you want me to do that?" Naruto asked carefully.

"Yes."

"Positive?"

"I said yes didn't I?"

"Absolutely so?"

"I said YES!"

"Ok!" The grin was quite familiar as it flashed across the alien face, as suddenly with a puff of smoke, a 23 year old Naruto appeared completely in the buff. "Well, you did ask for it."

"Gaaaah!" Immediately making a warding gesture the Hokage glared at the boy. "You could have warned me!"

"Well, I did… Oh wait." He paused slightly tapping his lower lip. "I forgot to mention I was also drinking with Anko and Granny Tsunade."

"You were drinking with Anko AND Tsunade?" Sarutobi stared at the boy now.

"Well, yeah." Naruto nodded with a shrug. "I'm the only one that can keep up with them, and seeing as how I don't really care when Anko drops me off in the buff…"

"No, that's more than enough information, thank you." Sarutobi waved his hand and growled softly before pressing his intercom. "Kotetsu, bring me a pair of pants."

"32 inch." Naruto added helpfully, as he grinned back at the old man. "I do try to keep my figure."

"32 inch pants." The man corrected before sighing slightly as he glanced at the man in front of him. "I don't suppose you have any proof as to who you are?"

"Well, tomorrow, I, my younger self that is," Naruto explained with a casual grin on his lips. "Will fail the academy exam for the third time in a row."

"Oh, Naruto-kun." The Hokage sighed slightly as he palmed his face.

"Hey, you're the one that's trying to make a demon container create a damned illusion clone in order to graduate." Naruto immediately protested. "Do you know how damned impossible it is to produce that little chakra?"

Blinking a moment, the old man looked at the man in front of him, and shrugged slightly. "No, I don't."

Twitching just a bit, Naruto grumbled as he glared at the man. "For anyone with a beast over four tails in them, it is." He paused a moment, and scratched his chin. "That does remind me, I need to track down the rest of them before Akatsuki… I'd rather it not be just me, Gaara and Kirabi left when the dust settles this time."

"I'm going to assume that made sense to you?" Sarutobi chuckled softly as he glanced at the visibly plotting young man.

"Of course!" Naruto nodded, "Anyway, as I was saying, I try, I fail, that bastard Mizuki tricks me into stealing the Forbidden Scroll, I learn the shadow clone technique from it. Iruka finds me, I find out about the fox, I get recognized by Iruka… I beat the snot out of Mizuki." He paused a moment, before shaking his head. "A right bastard that one. Working for the Snake Bastard."

Sarutobi froze slightly before carefully studying the man in front of him. "I'm going to assume you mean Orochimaru?"

"Yup!" Naruto nodded sagely, before fixing the man with a light glare. "You went and let him kill you. Do you know how much that screwed up Konohamaru? First you, then three years later Asuma goes and gets himself killed. Eesh."

"Couldn't you have found a better way of telling me that?" Sarutobi asked with a bland tone of voice as he looked at the naked blonde in front of him.

"Probably," Naruto agreed with a shrug. "But, why? Better to just get it out of the way and what not. Anyway, that does remind me… You and Itachi really fucked up with Sasuke." Ignoring the widening eyes Naruto gestured lightly in the man's direction. "Itachi's little reverse psychology ploy? Backfired, big time."

Grumbling a bit, the man traced a faint scar along his chest. "And oh boy, did Orochimaru and Madara capitalize on it." Shaking his head he pinched the bridge of his nose before fixing Sarutobi with a look. "Bring Itachi in. I already know what Akatsuki is up to. Make the truth behind the Uchiha massacre known, and we might just be able to salvage something out of all of this. Sasuke shouldn't have to kill the one person who loved him more than anything else."

"How the hell do you know all this?!" Sarutobi stared in absolute shock at the man in front of him who grinned back at him as he ran his fingers through his blonde hair.

"Well, you see old man…" The man grinned brightly as he pointed to the hat resting on the desk. "Remember how I always told you I'd get your hat someday?" He grinned even brighter as he took a casual sweeping bow. "Konoha's seventh Hokage, at your service!" Pausing a moment, he lightly tapped his lip. "That does remind me, I need to deal with Danzo so that scheming fucker never becomes the sixth."

"PLEASE tell me you're joking about that." Sarutobi said with pleading eyes as he stared at the blonde in front of him, grinning back at him with his mother's eyes.

"Hmmm? What, don't think I could be Hokage?!" Naruto sniffed slightly before grumbling. "Geez, I was taking down S-Class nin at 15!"

"I was referring to Danzo becoming Hokage actually." Sarutobi responded with a slightly dry tone. "I never doubted that you'd become Hokage."

"Like father like son, neh?" Naruto waggled his brows back at the man before looking seriously at the man. "Konoha came under attack by a member of Akatsuki with the Rinnegan. Danzo held back his forces while Granny Tsunade struggled to keep everyone alive. Konoha was destroyed, but most everyone survived in the end. When Granny fell into a coma from chakra exhaustion, Danzo took advantage to get himself named Hokage in her place." Naruto paused a moment, before his fingers clenched slightly. "What most people didn't know, was that he was partly responsible for that Akatsuki member attacking Konoha to begin with."

"Naruto… Is anything in your life ever simple?" Sarutobi slumped back into his seat and glared lightly at the boy as a knock on the door came. "Enter!"

"Your… pants, Sir." The nervous chunin spoke up as he stared at the stark naked blonde man standing casually in front of the Hokage.

"Thanks!" Naruto answered as he pulled the pants out of the gawking man's hands and slipped them quickly on. Seeing the absolutely stunned reaction, the blonde shrugged slightly and answered the unspoken question. "Drinking with Anko."

"Ah." The chunin immediately nodded in understanding before he glanced at the Hokage. "Anything else I can do for you, Sir?"

"A damned notebook, and a lot of sake." The Hokage grumbled slightly. "And, you never saw him, understand?"

"Saw who, Sir?" The chunin responded easily before darting back out the door and shutting it behind him.

"Good man." Naruto nodded with a grin. "Wonderful administrator, even if he is a mediocre ninja."

"Why do you think I keep him mainly assigned to administrative duties?" Sarutobi shot back before grumbling a bit. "One question."

"Only one?" Naruto actually pouted at that. "Damn, I must be losing my touch."

"Well, too many to count, but one I really need an answer for." Sarutobi responded. "How the hell did they get Tsunade-chan to come back to the village, let alone take up the position of Hokage?"

Grinning back at the man, Naruto lifted up a very familiar necklace dangling from his neck. "She lost a bet."

Sarutobi stared at the man for a long, hard moment, before leaning back and laughing out loud.

"Yeah, pretty much." Naruto grinned softly as his eyes grew distant for a moment. "Then, she made the best bet she could have."

"Tsunade made a good bet?" Sarutobi stared at the boy, incredulously.

"Yup! She bet on me!"

"Ah, the only sure thing not even her luck can foul up." Sarutobi chuckled softly before shaking his head a bit. "So, what are you planning on doing?"

"Well, seeing as how the only shot I've got at getting home rests with Itachi, or Madara…" Naruto paused a moment, lightly tapping his lower lip. "And honestly, I'd rather not have to deal with Madara, the guy gives me the creeps."

"As in…?"

"Uchiha, yeah, he's still around and kicking. Founded Akatsuki even. Was the Mizukage for a while. Is pulling the strings of the current one…" He paused a moment before snapping his fingers. "Ooooh that reminds me! In a couple of months a bridge builder named Tazuna is going to request an escort mission. Its miss classed, but it needs to be taken." He paused a moment, before stroking his chin. "Oooh, I wonder if I could get Zabuza and Haku to join Konoha!"

"Zabuza…?" Sarutobi looked at the man in a growing look of shock. "As in the…"

"Demon of the Mist?" Naruto nodded with a slight grin. "Yup! He turned out to be not that bad of a guy in the end. I'd kinda like to save him and his apprentice if I could. Haku was really a sweet kid."

"I'm going to need lots and lots of sake," the Hokage muttered lightly under his breath.

"Probably." Naruto agreed with a grin. " Don't worry I'll help you write it all down, then we can figure out how to manipulate events to have the most fun."

"Fun…?" Sarutobi stared at the man again before pinching lightly at the bridge of his nose. "Naruto…"

"Yes, fun," The blonde nodded back to the older man. "Things got too dark the way they went in my past. People turned traitor, good people died. And a lot of shit I intend to stop." He paused a moment, before grinning brightly. "Plus, I gotta set up a nice sized harem for my younger self." Lightly tapping his lower lip, he grinned brightly. "Oh, and I need to set up a new one for myself!"

"Harem, Naruto-kun?" Sarutobi twitched slightly. "Still ambitious as ever I see."

"Well, you know how much energy I've had since I was a kid?" Naruto grinned back at the old man. "Imagine 10 years later, and with a sex drive to match." He paused a moment before grinning broadly. "Plus, it really makes for far superior research than Ero-sennin's."

"You know Jiraiya-kun then?" Sarutobi grinned back at the boy as he made note of the book in the boy's grasp.

"Yeah." For a brief moment a look of sadness crossed the young man's face. "I was apprenticed under him for 3 years, before he died."

"I… See…" Sarutobi winced slightly as he saw the boy's reaction. "Then, I take it you knew…?"

"That he was my god father?" Naruto smiled slightly. "I found out eventually, Gamabunta let slip that the reason he didn't let old Ero-sennin summon him very often was because he didn't stick around to take care of me like the old toad thought he should."

"Jiraiya-kun…"

"You don't need to make excuses for him, old man." Naruto smiled softly as he shook his head. "I understood why he did it. And in the end, he was there for me when I needed it in the end." He grinned slightly and winked at the old man. "Besides… I got my revenge on him. I became a better Sage and a better author of smut than he ever was."

"Oi, Naruto…" Sarutobi sighed slightly as he palmed his face.

"What can I say?" Naruto laughed lightly and shrugged softly. "Anyway… Let the situation with Naruto and Mizuki play out. Act as if my stealing the scroll was a crime, alert people, etc etc etc… That should get Iruka to come find me and set me on the right path."

"You want me to allow a 12 year old not even genin to learn a forbidden technique?"

"The first time I use it in a combat situation, I'll make hundreds of clones without breaking a sweat." Naruto shot back with a grin. "What do you think?"

"All right. Let's talk about all this, shall we?" Sarutobi paused a moment, before looking at the boy. "And we need a name for you if you're going to stick around."

"How about… Hiruzen?" Naruto offered with an innocent grin.

Sarutobi merely glared back at the boy in response.

-Later-

"Now we just need to have you tested for your rank." Sarutobi said with a slight smirk as he grinned over at where Naruto was now decked out in his more typical orange black and red. "If you think you're up to it hmmm?"

"Can't you just give me a jounin rank assigned to a perpetual mission under the office of the Kage?" Naruto whined slightly and grumbled just a bit. "I don't really want to… Wait, can I be tested against Kakashi, Anko and Kurenai?"

"Why do I suddenly feel an sense of impending doom?" Sarutobi noted dryly.

"Because you're finally getting an inkling of the fact that I plan to be hanging out with Anko?" Naruto offered with a sweet smile. "And hell, I might even end up in bed with her!"

"Oh, sweet Kami…" The Hokage actually whimpered at the thought.

"But, who knows." Naruto shrugged and grinned back at the man. "She's just as likely to decide to try and kill me as sleep with me."

"One can only hope." Sarutobi responded honestly. The thought of this Naruto, and Anko? It was a nightmare and a half.

"Oh, and I'll take an apartment in my younger self's building." Naruto noted, "I can get an advance to get some proper clothes and supplies before I'm tested, yes?"

"Whatever you say, 'Hiruzen.'" The third admitted dryly. "Though, you might want to think about doing something about your appearance."

"Nah," Naruto waved it off with a grin. "I'll just say I'm Hiruzen Uzumaki. Can put it off as a clan trait on the male side of things."

"You do realize that will cause a number of… questions to be asked, don't you?"

"So? Let em ask. You really think they'd believe the truth?" Naruto laughed softly, his eyes sparkling. "Well, at least not until I've turned their world upside down a few dozen times."

"And I thought you were trouble enough as a boy." Sarutobi look at Uzumaki and chuckled just a bit. "Well, at least I won't be bored."

"Oh, I'm sure you'll be missing the old, boring days soon enough old man." The blonde grinned before walking up and suddenly giving the Hokage a firm hug. "It's good to see you again."

"Well, I suppose it's good to be seen." The man agreed with a light smile on his lips. "Now, take this to the chunin on duty and go take care of things."

"Gotcha, old man."

Author's Notes: Ya know, all the time travel fics out there seem to be so somber, using the kyuubi to go back in time or some other grandiose method. I thought it'd be more amusing to have him accidentally sent back in time by drunken Magenkyo wielders. Now that he's there… He doesn't have a grand driving plan, other than to get his younger self laid and possibly save a few friends along the way.

Oh, and get laid himself by the hot women that were too old for him when he was a kid. Can't forget that.


	14. Naruto: Eight of Nine

Eight out of Nine little Genin

Disclaimer: Naruto Belongs to Kishimoto

Author's notes: since we know now what the 9 beasts are and have some ideas of what they could do… I thought I'd mix a bit up, and make a world where the first Hokage never gave away the beasts he'd subdued, and instead they'd been waiting sealed up in Konoha, known only to the Hokages… This leading Minato to use their power to try and end the threat of the tailed beasts once and for all.

Only Shukaku, the one tailed tanuki wasn't bound in Konoha, because he'd already been captured by Suna. (That, and I wanted to leave Gaara as he was, heh)

-Konoha-

Minato Namikaze looked around him at the various clan heads, each with a child bundled in their arms, save for the stone faced defiance of the Uchiha as he spoke. "Very well, is everyone aware of what needs to be done?"

At the ring of affirmatives that rose around him, he offered a final, sad, hopeful smile to the group. "I thank you, for this. I wish there was another way… All I ask, is that you look after my son, let him and your children, be known as the heroes they truly are."

"Minato…" Jiraiya looked at his student, the pain in his eyes as he met his student's brilliant and determined blue gaze. "Let me do this. Don't make your son grow up without his father."

"He will have his family, Jiraiya-sensei." Minato smiled back at his teacher, even as the roar of the last free, and greatest of the tailed beasts shook the earth itself. "And you know, I'm the only one who can do this. I will ask that no one give up what I myself am not willing to."

"Minato…" The sage attempted to protest once more, ache in his heart to see young man he'd known since he was a boy walk so willingly to his death.

"When the time comes, teach him, Jiraiya-sensei." Minato bit his thumb, and smiled the smile of the damned back at his teacher. "Let him know, I'm sorry for placing this burden on him, and that in spite of everything, I loved him so very much."

Jiraiya stood there, rooted into place as Gamabunta appeared a moment later, carrying the Fourth Hokage to his final battle, as seven glows appeared surrounding the enraged form of the mightiest of the bijuu. He watched, unwavering as the might seven tailed beasts was used to drain away the strength of the fox. As finally, defeated, the fox collapsed into a weakened exhaustion, unable to even move, the demonic chakra of the remaining tailed beasts faded just as the fox's head.

It was then, he saw it the grim figure of the Death God hovering behind his student, obscuring him from view as the deal was struck. Eight glows erupted around the forest, as the deal was sealed, and in an pulse of power, the form of the fox faded into nothingness, as the cries of eight young children filled the air. Eight new seals, pulsed into existence on the stomachs of eight young children, none of them even a year old.

Inoichi Yamanaka struggled with himself as he lifted his daughter Ino into his arms, and held her comfortingly against his chest, trying to ignore how his daughter had just become the final vessel of the two tailed cat.

Hizashi Hyuuga placed his hand on his brother's shoulder as he watched the normally stoic, unshakable Hiashi, openly cry as he stroked the cheek of his daughter Hinata, now bound to the three tailed turtle.

Shikaku Nara sighed as he looked down at his son, Shikamaru, human container of the four tailed monkey, and muttered with a slight smile about how troublesome it would be, as he picked his son up into his arms.

Tsume Inuzuka grinned down at her son, Kiba and smiled as she felt the boy grip, tightly onto her finger, refusing to let go as she lifted him up into her arms, ignoring the seal that marked him as the prison of the five tailed dolphin horse.

Arashi Haruno stared down at the honor and burden that had been granted to his clan after the Uchiha had flat out refused to take part in the ritual to bind eight of the nine forever to the mortal coil, and carefully wiped away the slight trail of drool his daughter, Sakura, now the vessel of the six tailed slug made.

Shibi Aburame stoically studied how his son's hive reacted to the infusion of the seven tailed beetle's power, lightly brushing his fingers against the boy's stomach, before he picked him up into his arms. Shino would grow up to honor the sacrifice their Hokage had made, and protect his village and his clan.

Chouzo Akimichi softly brushed his fingers against the fat cheeks of his son, Chouji and smiled wistfully as the vessel of the eight tailed ox tried to grab hold of his finger and stuff it into his eager mouth.

And last, a solemn Gamabunta bowed his head to Jiraiya, allowing the white haired sage to retrieve both the body of his beloved student, and his godson, Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze, the bearer of the burden of the nine tailed fox. As he glanced up at the full moon over head, the various nin who had taken part of the ritual surrounded him from all sides, each with a solemn look on their faces.

"No one must know the truth of what happened here tonight." Hiashi spoke up, his eyes still glistening with tears as he held his daughter close. "Not the full truth and its implications. Not of the involvement of our children. Not the burden they bear for our village."

There was a slow murmur of approval rippling through them, as each parent gave a slow, quiet nod of understanding. Still staring up at the moon over head, Jiraiya spoke up in a soft, haunted tone. "They are Minato's legacy. When the time comes, when they are strong enough, we can tell the truth of what happened here this night. But, we must watch over these children, and protect them, nurture them, and teach them. Do you agree, to treat each of these children, as if they were your own?"

Murmured vows of approval rippled through the group, as each nodded his or her head in acceptance. Bowing softly to them, Jiraiya cradled the still crying babe in his arms before speaking softly to the group. "Then, lets be off, to tell them of how the Hokage slew the greatest of the tailed beasts."

Unfortunately, the Uchiha had already spread the Hokage's plan to the enough of the ninja and civilian populace, that the instant the group returned to the city gates, hard, mistrusting eyes met them, save for one quiet boy, who looked up at Jiraiya and the child in his arms. In the haunted black eyes of Itachi Uchiha, Jiraiya heard a question that went at first unspoken. For a moment, a silence hung between the two, before at last the boy would speak in a soft voice no other could overhear.

"My father told me that the Hokage planned to sacrifice his life to seal away the tailed beasts." Itachi quietly met the sage's eyes as he asked a simple question. "Is that true?"

"Yes." Jiraiya spoke softly as he looked around at the fear and coldness the people of the village directed towards the child in his arms. "He told more than just you."

"Yes." Itachi agreed quietly as he slowly looked to each of the clans carrying a child, before looking back at Jiraiya. "Why isn't there an Uchiha?"

"Your father refused." Jiraiya said in truth, anger flashing unbidden in his eyes as he held his godson more tightly in his arms. "And it would seem has defied the last wishes of our Hokage for his own pride."

"The Hokage wanted peace, didn't he." Itachi's voice was almost beyond what could be heard, before he looked up with eyes that knew more than any child should. "My clan is going to pay for what they've done, aren't they."

"Yes." Jiraiya said simply and honestly to the boy in front of him.

"May I make a request?" The boy asked, his eyes losing their mask for a moment, looking up, pleading to the sannin. "Please… don't kill my brother. Please, don't kill Sasuke."

"Why do you think he might die?" They both knew the answer, but Jiraiya fought against the notion that this mere child could be so solemn and knowing about the truth.

"My clan has committed treason." Itachi said simply as he lowered his head and kneeled, before the sannin. "So all I can ask, if for you to spare my brother the fate my clan has earned. Let my life wash away the stain of my clan's sin from him."

"Stand up, child." Jiraiya's voice was thick with emotion, almost horse as he forced the words past his lips as he stared in shame at the boy. "What is your name?"

"I am Itachi." The boy looked up with resigned black eyes into the sannin's own, quietly waiting for a death. "Will you spare my brother?"

"Itachi…" Jiraiya kneeled down and looked directly into the boy's eyes. "I will tell you something, not even your father knows, that you can never speak to anyone but those of us that already know. Understood?"

A solemn nod was given by the child, as he looked back at the man, before looking down at the bundle in his arms as the man continued. "This is Naruto Uzumaki. The son of our Hokage, and the boy who holds the demon fox prisoner."

Itachi's eyes widened in shocked surprise as he looked down at the fragile looking baby in the sage's arms. Gently reaching out, almost fearfully, he placed a trembling hand on the boy's whiskered cheeks before drawing it back as he looked once more into Jiraiya's eyes. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because, little Itachi… Because of your father, he is going to be hated and shunned by fools who will see him as nothing more than the embodiment of the fox itself." Jiraiya said with a soft, haunted look in his eyes. "And he will need friends, and people to look out for him. Tell me, Itachi, are you willing to help protect the legacy of our Hokage?"

"Yes." Was the only response the boy could make as he looked back into Jiraiya's knowing eyes. Standing again, the sannin cradled Naruto carefully in one arm, before he took hold of Itachi's hand, and lead the grim procession towards the Hokage's tower.


	15. Naruto: Trippin Trio

Tripping Trio

Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Kishimoto

Author's Notes: Just a silly reincarnation ficlet

"So, what're we going to do to Kakashi this time around?" Naruto yawned slightly as he lounged next to Sakura as Sasuke lay down with his head across the pink haired girl's lap. "And, who's turn is it to have the Hokage dream, anyway?"

"Mah, why don't we just say screw it?" Sakura offered with a shrug. "I mean, hell… we've all done it, how many times? It's rather… blah these days."

"Yeah, how about we just forget about the ninja thing and become hedonists?" Sasuke offered a hopeful grin on his face as he practically leered up at Sakura and Naruto.

"How many times do I have to tell you, bastard?" Naruto smirked slightly as he glanced at his teammate. "I'll only sleep with you if you're a girl."

"Eh, what the hell?" Sasuke shrugged then sat up before concentrating for a moment, and with a sudden shift, he, became a she. "Better?"

"Huh, you're as flat as I am." Sakura pointed out, smirking slightly as she studied the boy turned girl. "Cute though."

"Well Naruto-kun?" Sasuke offered up in a husky voice as she got onto her hands and knees and crawled across Sakura's lap and purred up at the boy. "Want to help me start rebuilding my clan?"

Naruto laughed softly as he reached down, lightly brushing his fingers against her cheek. "Well, you always did make a better girl than a guy."

"That's the truth." Sakura agreed as she slapped down on Sasuke's ass with a wink, grinning at the soft moan of enjoyment the neo girl made as she ground back into her hand. "Oooh, that gives me an idea…!"

"Oh?" Naruto arched a brow as he settled Sasuke head onto his lap and stroked her hair. "Do tell?"

"Well… you know that whole shtick we usually go through?" Sakura grinned ferally at them both. "This time… we…."

-o-o-o-

"So, names, likes, dislikes, dreams?" Kakashi spoke up, his visible eye bored as he looked at the genin in front of him, and twitched slightly at the way they were draped over one another.

"Mmm star in our own, personal version of Icha Icha?" Naruto offered up before snickering lightly at the giggles both girls offered up.

"Mah, pinkie, you first." Kakashi continued, rolling his eyes just a bit at the boy.

"Your name is Kakashi Hakate, you like Icha Icha, honoring your fallen comrades and living in the past." Sakura spoke up helpfully. "You dislike being on time, your fangirls, and having the plots in Icha Icha spoiled for you. Your dreams…" She paused a moment, her nose scrunching up slightly. "Well, there are some things a girl just doesn't want to know."

Kakashi twitched slightly as she lightly glared at the girl. "I meant yours, not mine."

"Oh, why didn't you say so?" Sakura asked curiously as she lightly stretched out and lightly yawned.

"I just did." He pointed out again, before waiting a long moment as the girl watched the clouds shifting over head. "Well?'

"Well what?" The girl offered again, blinking slightly as she looked up at the jounin instructor.

"Your name, likes, dislikes, and dreams?" He offered up again, before twitching slightly.

"Oh, those." She shrugged slightly. "Sakura. I like these two lovable idiots, kinky, dirty sex…

"Generally with us." Sasuke offered helpefully.

"… and creating overly complex plots for driving people insane." She paused a moment, before grinning happily. "You should have seen the one I came up with for Itachi."

"It was a beautiful thing." Sasuke agreed as Naruto nodded sagely as well.

"I dislike… hmmm… Is there anything I dislike anymore?" the girl asked curiously as she glanced at her teammates.

"Orochimaru coming after my ass?" Sasuke offered with a lazy grin on her face.

"Nah, that's kinda hot, as long as I get to watch and we kill him afterwards." Sakura lightly tapped her lip for a moment in consideration. "I guess the only thing I don't really like would be Madara. He gets so whiny when we beat him."

"Yeah, that is kind of annoying." Naruto agreed, before grinning playfully at Sasuke. "But, he is an Uchiha, so its expected for him to suck."

"Mmm, that a hint, Naruto?" Sasuke batted her lashes and grinned up at the boy.

"My dreams…" Sakura paused a moment, glancing at her teammates her grinned back at her and nodded their heads. "My dream is to commence the Uchiha-Uzumaki-Namikaze restoration, and using our super babies to conquer the world!"

"You want to conquer the world?" Kakashi blinked at that and stared at the girl.

"Well, duh, how else are we going to our massive harem of fuck pets?" Sakura looked back at the man as if he was stupid.

"Right…" Kakashi sweated nervously before glancing over at Sasuke. "You… girl who's supposed to be a boy."

"My name is Sasuke Uchiha. I am a fully functional girl, thank you very much, and Naruto's devoted fuck pet. I like my over sexed teammates, having Naruto do those oh so wicked things with my willing body and a variety of acts that aren't polite to mention in public."

"And she's very good at them." Naruto confided to Kakashi in a stage whisper.

Sasuke grinned and lightly nibbled at Naruto's ear before continuing. "I dislike people trying to cock block Naruto, Sakura's attempts at cooking, and Itachi's rather shitty attempts at getting me to want to kill him."

"It's not…" Sakura began to protest, before catching the glares both her teammates were directing at her and hung her head with a sigh. "Oh, all right, so my cooking IS that bad… but you could have waited to reveal that until after I cooked Kakashi-sensei his first meal."

Kakashi paled, visibly as he stared at the seemingly innocent pout the girl was giving at being denied the chance to poison him as Sasuke continued. "My dream… is to have Naruto help me repopulate our clans, as long, and as hard, as it takes. I expect it to be brutal, grueling work, hours and hours of hot, sweaty contact between us, leading to… well, I'd describe it, but you'd pass out from blood loss, Kakashi."

Sweating slightly, Kakashi slowly nodded his head. "I… see.. Do I even want to know how you'd answer, Naruto?"

"Mwahahahahahaahaha!" Naruto's eyes gleamed as he grinned maniacally back at Kakashi, before almost instantly calming down. "No, you really, really don't."

"I… See." The man twitched just a bit as he glanced at the three of them as they grinned back at him expectantly. "So… how long have you three been reincarnating?"

The three of them blinked slightly, and stared at the man. Kakashi shrugged slightly and scratched the back of his head. "Well, I can't think of any other reason why you'd be this different from your academy profiles." He paused a moment, before studying them each. "I'm going to guess that you can all kick my ass?"

"With one finger." Sakura said helpfully, grinning at the man.

"Right, right." Kakashi paused a moment, before looking at the three carefully. "Anything else I should know?"

"If you're a loyal minion, we'll give you the Nibi's jinchuriki as a pet?" Naruto offered helpfully. "Yugito Ni? I'm sure you've heard of her."

Kakashi blinked slightly, then blinked again, before pinching the bridge of his nose to stop the sudden rush of blood that threatened to erupt out of his nose. "I'm not going to ask how you knew…"

"We've known you a LONG time." Sasuke said helpfully, before grinning up at the man. "And two words for you, Kakashi… Sex Kitten."

"You're not going to have me betray Konoha or anything, are you?" The man asked suspiciously.

"Nah." Sakura waved her hand dismissively. "We like it here, plenty of places to be kinky."

"What's our first objective then?" Kakashi asked, his eye crinkling as he smiled.

"See how long it takes to drive Orochimaru bat shit crazy using just toilet paper and chewing gum."

"Hmmm, well, how about…"


	16. HP: Magic is not enough

Magic is not enough.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling. James Bond, to the estate of Ian Fleming

"Moneypenny?" the voice crackled to life over the intercom in a dry English tone echoing a slight sensation of annoyance. "Send him in."

"Well, James, you heard the man." The woman's voice held a tone of amusement as she watched the man smile back at her with a twinkle in his eyes.

"Well then, I really shouldn't keep him waiting, now should I?" James Bond chuckled just a bit as he casually tossed his hat onto the waiting hat rack and smiled down at the woman. "Ah the things one does for Queen and country, otherwise, I'd stay and keep you company."

"Whatever you say James, whatever you say." The woman drawled back before turning her head back to her paperwork. "He is waiting you know."

"Ah, one day Moneypenny, one day." The man smiled again before slipping through the waiting door with one, last devilish smile.

"Sit down, 007." The aged man spoke in a strangely subdued tone as he gestured to the seat across from him. "I have a bit of… sadly unsettling news to give you."

"Oh?" The man pursed his lips as he would grin rakishly back at his superior. "SPECTRE causing trouble again?"

"Lily Potter and her husband were found murdered last night." The man spoke in a soft tone as he didn't quite meet the man's eyes. "Their son was missing, but turned up on the doorstep of his Aunt's."

The man behind the desk watched as in an instant, the debonair playboy melted away into one of the most dangerous men alive as his eyes hardened into cold, polished steel. "And the murderer?"

"You are aware of… your cousin's… abilities, yes, 007?" There was a tone of neutrality in the man's voice as he spoke up.

"She was a witch, her husband a wizard." Was the simple, clipped response. "Does this have something to do with that damned terrorist their damned Ministry refused to acknowledge was beyond their ability to handle?"

"Voldemort, yes." The head of MI6 responded calmly. "From the reports we've received he confronted and murdered the Potters and then somehow when he attempted to do the same to the boy, his power was reflected back at him, and destroyed his body."

"Just the body, sir?"

"There has been some speculation, especially by one Albus Dumbledore, that he has some tie to the living world still, that his defeat has only been temporary." M sighed slightly as he slumped back into his chair. "That whole bloody society gives me a damned headache."

"Believe me, Sir, I know." James Bond frowned a moment, before his eyes narrowed dangerously. "Why was Harry placed into the care of the Dursleys?"

"We have no idea." M admitted honestly. "Sirius Black, the named guardian of the boy, has been seen skulking around, hunting for one Peter Pettigrew. There has been some speculation in fact, that Black betrayed the Potters to…"

"Balderdash, Sir." Bond shot back immediately, his eyes flinty and hard. "I've met Black. He may play the part of a fool at times, but a more loyal man to his friends you'll never find. James and Lily were more family to him than his own, and Harry…" The man shook his head once more. "Black would have given his life for any of them." He frowned slightly, as his eyes narrowed. "Pettigrew though. Shifty, nervous fellow, who'd prove a coward in the end I think."

"And Remus Lupin?" M arched a brow slightly as he looked back neutrally at the man. "He is the only one of the Potter's three closest friends that was not named as a possible candidate to watch over their son."

"He couldn't, legally in their society." Bond made a slight show of disgust. "He's a werewolf. Brilliant chap, soft spoken, down trodden, but not broken by any means of the word."

"Ah, I see, that does clarify that." M nodded slightly as he pursed his lips, debating how to approach the next bit of new.

"Excuse me, sir, but why have I been called in on this?" Bond spoke up, his eyes guarded and careful. "Not that I'm not appreciative, I simply… wish to clarify why we're so on the ball on this one. It is outside our jurisdiction after all."

"Lily Potter nee Evans was your cousin, 007, we keep track of all our employee's families." M responded simply, before pausing, as he reluctantly added. "Especially when someone seems to be taking care to circumvent the order of things."

"Sir?"

"On the non-magical side of things, Dursleys were never mentioned as potential guardians. In fact, on a rather short list of names, yours is at the top."

James blinked a moment, before shaking his head slowly, and offering a hollow, dry chuckle. "Well, that right there invalidates their will." At his superior's questioning look, Bond offered an empty smile to the man. "Can you think of ANYONE that would name me a child's guardian in their right mind? Especially a woman as brilliant as my cousin?"

"You're named as the potential guardian in no less than 5 other wills that I'm aware of, 007." The man responded softly as he looked at the suddenly bewildered agent. "I asked one of them once, why they would name a rakish cad like you as a guardian for their child, and the man quoted a Japanese saying to me. 'Death is lighter than a feather…'"

"'Duty, heavier than a mountain.' Yes, I'm aware of it." Bond finished, frowning slightly before pinching at the bridge of his nose.

"He reminded me, that though you play the part of the rogue, you shoulder your duty without a word of complaint and have never once tried to slip free." M looked at his agent, and the man could feel him staring as if into the depths of his soul. "A thing I've forgotten on occasion."

"Duty, that prevents me from being the kind of man that could be able to look after a child." James responded. "And would make them into a target."

"You're being reassigned, actually." M responded simply as he noted the look of dumbfounded shock on the man's face. "Being taken out of the field as it were."

"Sir?" There was a note of disbelief in the man's voice as he stared back at him. "Double-Os don't get taken out of the field. We don't retire. We do our duty until we're dead."

"Yes, well, you've never been one for following tradition, now have you, 007?" M countered with a slight smirk on his face. "You've been reassigned to the Academy."

"You… you… want me to TEACH!?"

"No, I want you to take care of your young, orphaned cousin." M responded as he leaned back. "This way, I can insure the boy isn't as likely to be orphaned all over again, and he had a guardian capable of protecting him if need be."

James opened his mouth to protest for a moment, before sighing and slumping back into his chair. "He's already made a lot of enemies, hasn't he?"

"Voldemort still has followers out there." M affirmed as he nodded his head quietly. "I want you to raise the boy. Teach him to survive, and…" The man paused a moment, before smiling slightly as he gave Bond a look. "Teach him the one thing you seem to have learned that so many of us haven't. How to live, even with the burden of duty on our shoulders."

"Well, this should be interesting." James finally chuckled as he shook his head and pursed his lips. "Keep an eye on the Black/Pettigrew situation for me?"

"Of course." M smiled back at the agent. "And the custody paperwork has already been taken care of."

"Thank you." James sighed slightly before shaking his head just a bit. "I don't suppose Q has any new little toys for helping raise a boy?"

At M's exasperated look, Bond chuckled just a bit and nodded. "I didn't think so."

-o-o-o-

"Hello… Oh, it's you." Petunia Dursley gave her cousin a sour look as she looked the man over. "What do you want, James?"

"It's lovely to see you again as well, Petunia." The man's voice was rolling with a subdued tone. "I had expected to find you a bit more… distraught."

"Oh." The horse faced woman shrugged slightly before frowning as she offered him another sour look. "Heard about Lily then, I assume."

"Yes, I can see you're horribly broken up about it." His response was terse as it left his lips, while his face slipped into a careful mask of neutrality. "Well then, I'm the bearer of what I'm sure for you, will be delightful news. I'm here for Harry."

"I see." A sigh of relief escaped Petunia's lips as she frowned again. "Shouldn't… one of 'them' take him?"

"He should be with people who care about him." James responded simply as he looked at the woman. "Where is he?"

Petunia flushed slightly before looking away, her eyes flickering to the cupboard under the stairs for a moment before she moved to shut the door. "Just a moment and I'll get him."

"Petunia." All trace of polite discourse bled away from his tone as his eyes flashed like cold steel. "Did you put a one year old baby, your nephew, in a cupboard under your stairs?"

"I… We didn't want the neighbors to know we had a freak like that boy living with us!" Petunia hissed back defiantly at the man.

"Move, cousin." The words left his lips with a caustic hiss as he pushed past the woman with a piercing glare.

"What's going on here?" Vernon Dursley blustered as he saw the impeccably dressed man entering his home, practically pushing his wife out of his way as he did so. "Who the bloody hell do you think you are?!"

"Your wife's cousin." Was the mans terse response as he moved to the cupboard. "And Harry's legal guardian. Whom I will be relieving from you."

"What do you think gives you the…" Vernon immediately began to purple as he watched the man completely ignore him as he made his way to the cupboard, and without a word, pull it open. "I'm talking to you, you arrogant piece of…"

"The name, Dursley." James responded without even glancing back at the man as he carefully removed Harry from the cupboard. "Is Commander James Bond." Glancing back at the rapidly paling man as he cradled Harry in his arms. "Only because I turned down the rank of Knight Commander. Now, if you don't mind, I will be seeing myself and my charge out."

With a stiff, brisk pace, the man pushed his way past his still stunned cousin, to the car waiting for him in the street. Pausing, just before he slipped into the vehicle. He glanced back at the Dursley's and spoke in a cold, clipped tone. "I'd be more wary of just who it is you insult, for future reference."

And with that, the man slide into the back of the vehicle and was gone.

-o-o-o-

-10 years later-

"Well now, all ready for the grand show, are we?" James smiled down at his ward, and chuckled as he watched the boy grin in return.

"Yes, Uncle James." Harry grinned softly up at his guardian, his emerald eyes twinkling behind the wire frames of his glasses, his wild hair giving him all the appearance of a young rogue, dressed as he was in a blazer and tie. "Though, I still hate wearing the tie."

"You'll get used to it my boy." James smiled back as he lightly patted the boy on the shoulder. "And in time, even appreciate it."

"So you keep telling me." The boy rolled his eyes slightly, before frowning just a bit. "You sure you can't come to the platform with me?"

"Operational Security." James responded, smiling back at the boy as he reached down and pulled him into a soft momentary hug. "The less people that find out where you're staying, the better. This way, we don't have to worry about any of those pesky tracing spells being used on me once I drop you off."

"I know, doesn't mean I have to like it." The boy sighed slightly as he hugged the man back. "I'm gonna miss you, and the two buffoons."

"Hey!" Sirius Black immediately protested as he lightly glared at his godson. "I worked very hard to be the kind of high quality buffoon I am!"

"Whatever you say, Padfoot." Harry countered with a dry grin. "It'll be nice to have some piece and quiet for a change."

"Yes, do let me know how that works out. I have only the vaguest recollection of what that was like." James commented with a curling smile on his lips as he lightly ruffled Harry's hair. "And do remember the motto."

"Always do." Harry agreed with a smile, before turning to Sirius. "Shall we be off then?"

"Right then!" Sirius grinned and offered Harry his arm.

"See you at Holiday, Uncle James!"

"See you then, Harry."

-o-o-o-

"My, would you lovely ladies mind if I shared this dreadfully empty compartment with you?" Harry's emerald eyes glittered behind his glasses as he smiled to the pair of young girls his age casually sitting next to one another in the otherwise empty compartment.

"I suppose we could, what do you think, Padma?" One of the identical Indian twins asked as she glanced over at her sister.

"I suppose we could at that, Pavarti."

"Wonderful!" Harry grinned as he slipped into the compartment, then carefully stowed his trunk away, before turning to smile back at the girls and offering them a flourishing bow. "The name, is Bond, Harry Bond."

"Well, Harry, I'm Pavarti as you might've guessed and this is my sister, Padma." The first girl spoke up and smiled back at the boy.

"Charmed." Padma offered with a slight smile, shyly directed to the boy.

"And I am of course, thoroughly enchanted to make the acquaintance of such lovely ladies as yourselves." A slight, rakish grin curled upon the edges of the boy's mouth as he answered them back.

"Why, Mr. Bond, aren't you a little young to be so charming?" Padma spoke up as her sister blushed slightly at the boy's words.

"Ah, my guardian taught me it's never to early to start learning the proper way to address a lady." Harry responded easily enough as he winked back at the girl. "That way, when it comes time that such things matter, you're not stumbling over your own tongue."

"Sounds like a wise man." Parvarti spoke up, her eyes glittering slightly as she grinned back at the boy.

"He is a scoundrel, a rogue, a swindler and a charmer of the highest caliber, my dear." Harry responded with a wink. "And along the way, he's managed to pick up a nugget of wisdom or two." Grinning back at the girl's he smiled innocently enough as he produced a deck of cards. "Perhaps, we could play a game to pass the time?"

-o-o-o-

"Excuse me, Professor? You didn't call my name." Harry spoke up, his brow arched as Susan Bones' name was called out.

"Ah? What's your name young man?"

"Bond, ma'am, Harry Bond." The boy grinned up at the woman in a rakish grin, that seemed oh so familiar to the stern woman.

"Now… you wouldn't happen to be of any relationship to James, now would you?" Minerva McGonagall could feel her lips twitching in amusement.

A look of surprise passed his features, before Harry nodded back. "My Guardian, ma'am."

"Ah, you'll have to tell me how Andrew and Monique's boy is doing… How did you come to be in that rogue's care?"

"He was named guardian in my parent's will." Harry shrugged just a bit. "Apparently he and my mum were cousins."

Recognition passing across her eyes, Minerva McGonagall felt her lips twitching slightly as her eyes danced. "Oh now, that does explain so very much. Very well, Mr. Bond, you may go as soon as Susan's through."

"Thank you, ma'am."

"Not at all my boy, not at all." Minerva smiled slightly as she glanced down at the boy once more. "I find myself in the selfish hope that you've inherited your parent's courage, and your guardian's more redeeming qualities."

"Would it help if I promised not to play cards too often?" The boy offered the sweetest smile he could to the stern woman.

"Oh dear."

"Unless of course I could interest you in a game of Baccarat?" Harry looked up at the woman, a hopeful look in his eyes. "I rather do enjoy a good game of Chemin de Fer."

"James has trained you well I see." The professor shook her head, and chuckled softly as the Hat finished proclaiming 'Hufflepuff!' for the young Bones girl. "And it looks like you're up. Harry Bond!"

As a questioning expression rose across the staff table, Harry calmly strode to the chair with an easy loping grace before settling in as the hat took its place atop his head. "Well now, what do we have here?"

"Well, I'm a Leo, born in the Chinese year of the Monkey, and I've been told I'm anywhere from wonderfully charming, to a cheeky bastard." Harry offered helpfully as he smiled.

"Cheeky indeed." The hat chuckled softly as he shifted about atop the boy's head. "Difficult one indeed. Your father only thought he was a quarter as charming as you are. Yes, but plenty of both your parents courage I see."

"Naturally." The boy simply smiled up at the hat as he settled back. "One of the tasks my guardian was given, was to make certain I knew how to live as it were, even with the burdens of duty and expectation on one's shoulders. And while I'm a trifle young for some of his more… earthly pursuits…"

"Quite the lady's man I see." The hat agreed, a tinge of amusement in his voice. "Ah, but tempered with an air of tragedy."

"He was married once." Harry admitted, looking up at the shifting sky overhead. "I believe you can see the tale there if you're rummaging through my mind… I trust you have an enchantment on you to prevent you from sharing a student's secrets?"

"Not that it hasn't stopped some of the headmaster's from trying to break it." The hat countered with a smirk. "Thankfully, it's hard woven into my being. They get rid of that… and they utterly destroy a priceless artifact of the founders."

"Quite." Harry agreed with a smile. "That's reassuring, I was rather worried I'd have to go and see to destruction myself." He paused a moment, before shrugging a bit. "Secrets that aren't mine to share, you understand."

"Indeed. Mr. Bond, indeed." The hat grumped slightly as it shifted about on the boy's head. "You have qualities that each of the four houses would admire. You have the intelligence that Ravenclaws are famous for…"

"But I do believe I lack their overall thirst for knowledge." Harry pointed out as he smiled up at the hat.

"True, true. You have cunning, that any Slytherin would be jealous of."

"Sadly, I find myself lacking in any grand ambitions at this point in time." He paused a moment, before shrugging just a bit. "And I find myself more than slightly loathe to join a house that puts so very much emphasis on one's ancestry."

"And, as much as I might agree with you with the certain flaws apparent in the house, I am a creature brought about to urge the unity in this school and to protect each of the four houses… And I'm rather loathe to put you into Slytherin, for the simple reason that I'm not quite sure the house could survive you."

"I may have inherited some of Uncle James' traits that would make that likely, I suppose." Harry reluctantly admitted with a seemingly innocent smile.

"Quite." The hat agreed with a dry chuckle as it shifted back and considered. "You've got the loyalty and you're not stranger to hard work, so Hufflepuff could fit."

"True." Harry admitted with an easy smile. "I am certainly the friendly sort."

"Yes… But above all else, you have been raised to be a man of bravery, honor, courage and duty, haven't you?" The hat said in a simple, somber tone. "Both by nature and by nurture."

"I may not have known them, but I have done my best to do my parents proud." Harry said with a soft, wistful smile on his lips. "So then, I suppose it's decided?"

"Where ever they are, I know James and Lily would be proud of you boy." The hat paused a moment before it continued. "Especially to have you in: GRYFFINDOR!"

"My thanks…" Harry smiled softly and gently slid the hat off his head "Though, perhaps a bit more diversity in the houses? Lumping all the would be villains in one lot does give them more opportunities to plot."

"Aye, but it also cuts down on their resources." The hat countered with a slight smirk.

"True, I suppose. You have to give and take a bit. Been delightful chatting with you." Harry offered the hat one final smile before striding casually to the waiting Gryffindor table."

-o-o-o-

"Harry, I'd like you to meet my dad." Hermione beamed up at the towering man, who smiled down at the boy, revealing a set of gleaming steel teeth.

Blinking slightly, Harry stared up at the man, as recognition flitted through his mind. "Bloody hell."

Hermione sighed slightly as she watched her friend's reaction, and how her father's smile dimmed just a bit. She had thought her friend of all people would be able to keep his cool. It was rather disappointing to see him react just like...

"You're Jaws, aren't you."

Ok, that was new. Hermione's eyes widened as she gaped at her friend. "HARRY!" She turned her head then stared in shock at the owl eyed expression on her father, as he slowly, carefully nodded his head slightly in acknowledgment.

Harry actually laughed at that and shook his head as it devolved into a rueful chuckle as he extended his hand to the massive man. "Bond, Harry Bond." At the stunned, and questioning look in the seemingly mute man's expression as he carefully shook the boy's own, minute in comparison hand, Harry nodded back to the question. "I do believe you're familiar with my guardian, James?"

His eyes lighting up, Hermione's father immediately pulled the boy off his feet into an exuberant hug, where the slight popping of his bones could be heard.

"DAD!" Hermione chided quickly. "Don't Crush him!"

Looking admonished, the hulking man gingerly set the boy back onto his feet and offered him a quietly apologetic look. After settling himself and lightly brushing the wrinkles out of his clothes, Harry sent a reassuring smile to his friend. "It's quite all right, Hermione. Your father and my guardian are old... colleagues I suppose you could say."

Mr. Granger actually blushed, and looked sheepishly down at the boy as his daughter stared at him in shock and amazement. "Your guardian's a dentist?"

"Hmm? Oh, no." Harry laughed slightly and waved off the girl's question. "You do know your father wasn't always a dentist, correct? I'd imagine he got into it after... retiring from his previous field. My own guardian retired himself after my parents were killed."

Mr. Granger winced slightly, before nodding in sympathy and understanding to the boy. A moment later his own eyes discreetly glanced at his daughter and he smiled slightly, before turning his head back towards Harry. His expression immediately turned stern as he crossed his arms across his chest and sent a slight glare down at the boy.

Confusion reigned in Hermione's expression as she glanced from her father to her amused looking friend. Confusion that only grew when the boy responded to the unspoken statement. "Relax, Mr. Granger. I'm only 11. Plus... while I will probably take after him, I assure you, I have no intentions of anything involving your daughter in that regard."

"Harry? Dad?" Hermione blinked, not quite enjoying missing an obviously massive chunk of information.

A look of relief passed across the towering man's face before he nodded again to the boy, the friendly expression once more in place. As Harry lightly waved off her question, he grinned up at the man and put forth a bit of a quandary of his own. "Now, that does leave me with one, burning curiosity. Are you one of the people that put Uncle James in as a potential guardian in your will?"

The man formerly known as Jaws, blushed even brighter, before slowly, reluctantly nodding his head. Smiling Harry grinned back up at him. "Marvelous. One down, 4 more to go to solve that mystery." He paused before grinning at the man. "He was never quite able to ferret out the information on his own you know. It's frustrated the man to no end."

Mr. Granger laughed at that and nodded before sending a meaningful look over at his daughter. Quickly deciphering the meaning, Hermione nodded and smiled back at Harry. "Dad would like to invite you and your guardian to dinner sometime."

"Smashing, I'm sure Uncle James would love to. And of course, I'm sure he'd be delighted to invite you to join us as well." He paused a moment, before grinning back at Hermione. "Why, you could even be introduced to my illustrious Dog Father."

"After everything that Professor McGonagall said about him, I find myself slightly... leery of that Harry." Hermione pointed out, before smiling slightly. "But, I've got your phone number, so, I'll give you a ring to see when we can work something out."

"Wonderful!" Turning his head, Harry smiled back up at the towering man. "It was delightful meeting you, Mr. Granger. It's always a treat meeting Uncle James' former colleagues."


	17. HP: Pirates of the Magical Skies

Pirates of the Magical Skies

Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling

"Pssst." Harry Potter blinked slightly at the hissing call coming from his window, then blinked a bit as he would slowly walk over to peak out through the iron bars. To his surprise, his godfather, dressed in full pirate regalia grinned back at him.

"Sirius?" Harry stared a moment at the man, before frowning just a bit. "Aren't you supposed to be hiding?"

"Shhh… I'm the Dread Pirate BlackPaw now!" The man responded with sudden, sweeping motion bow as Harry looked down to see… a skiff, floating in mid air, supporting the man.

"The Dread Pirate BlackPaw?" Harry repeated, as he stared at the maniacally grinning man and sighed slightly. "Sirius… did you eat some berries you're not supposed to?"

"NO!" The man paused a moment, tapping his lip thoughtfully before shaking his head. "At least, not that kind. Things have been a bit… runny of late."

"I do NOT need to know that." Harry twitched just a bit, before glancing back at the man. "What're you doing here?"

"Well, you see… Things got particularly bad of late." Sirius fidgeted just a bit before shrugging slightly. "The Ministry's been running a smear campaign against you and Dumbledore all summer, denouncing any possibility that Voldemort has actually returned."

"Lovely." Harry sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "As if everything wasn't bad enough as is. So, what's that got to do with… ya know, this pirate stuff?"

"Well, since Dumbledore's not going to do anything about it, cutting you off, leaving you to rot… I figured, you know what? Screw it all! We'll run away and become pirates!"

"… You're serious?"

"Last time I checked, why?" The man grinned brilliantly back at his godson. "Hurry up, we've got to get to the ship in time to intercept a French carriage!"

"Why're we going to intercept a French carriage?" Harry asked speculatively as he none the less quickly gathered up his things, and pulled his trunk over to the window.

"To get you your cabin wench, of course!" Sirius responded as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Nothing but the best for the godson of the Dread Pirate BlackPaw!"

"You like saying that entirely too much, you know that right?" Harry shot back as he watched Sirius vanish the bars on his window then shrink his trunk.

"Come on, come on… We've got to go and introduce you to the rest of the crew!"

"Remus?" Harry asked hopefully as he picked up his shrunken trunk, then crawled into the skiff as Hedwig quickly flew over and settled onto his shoulder.

"Sadly, no," Sirius admitted with a sigh. "He gets air sick you see." He paused before brightening quickly. "He's our inside man in the group with inside men in the Ministry though!"

"I… see." Harry simply stared at the man before sighing as he slumped back into the skiff as it quickly rose up into the air. "So, anyone I know?"

"Indubitably!" Sirius agreed happily as he winked at the boy. "But several others you won't. You'd be amazed at how many people the current Ministry has managed to piss off."

"… Actually, not so much." Harry admitted back to his godfather, before blinking in shock as a massive Galleon suddenly shimmered into view. "Bloody HELL!"

"She's a beauty isn't she?" Sirius grinned back at his Godson. "Been in the Black family for centuries! Well preserved and updated with all the modern conveyances!"

"What's her name?" Harry said in awe as he looked at the string of gun ports along her sides. "And… Cannons?"

"Well, I won't bore you with the string of previous Black affiliated names she'd born." Sirius waved it off. "All the way back to this particularly crazy fellow that brought her into the family centuries back when he was drug to the altar at wand point. Poor bugger, was quite the infamous fellow at the time." He paused a moment, before looking back at Harry. "Where was I again?"

"Her name?" Harry offered helpfully.

"Ah, right." Sirius nodded sagely before gesturing grandly to the ship once more. "This, my dear boy, is the Marauder's Delight!"

"Hmm… Not bad." Harry admitted with a nod, before pursing his lips. "What kind of crew we have?"

"We?" Sirius arched a brow, smirking back at his godson.

"Yup, you weren't thinking about leading this little venture on your own, were you?" Harry arched a brow back at his godfather.

"Well…"

"No. Someone's gotta keep you properly leashed." Harry said firmly as he smirked just a bit. "I, thankfully, volunteer myself for the job."

"… You used to play pirate when you were a kid, didn't you." Sirius noted with an amused quirk of his lips.

"Only game that I could get away with." Harry responded evenly. "Kept swashbuckling around Dudley."

"Ah, yes, that does remind me…" Sirius glance down over the side, before pulling out what looked to be a black cannonball with a fuse. "Mustn't forget to leave them a present."

"Oh?" Harry arched a brow slightly as he watched his god father pull out a wand and light the tip of the fuse, before casually throwing it back over his shoulder to the Dursley's home. "Do I want to know what that'll do?"

"Oh, nothing too bad." Sirius assured him, before a sudden cloud of purple smoke enveloped the home. "Just a little… redecorating."

When the smoke cleared, Harry almost fell over laughing at the neon pink and blue that the Dursley home was now painted, with its wild and unkempt lawn of crabgrass and daffodils. "Well, I'm afraid they won't appreciate your decorative efforts, Padfoot."

"Bah, everyone's a critic!" the man waved his hand and smirked as the skiff came up to the galleon's side and then attached itself quite firmly. "Shall we then?"

"Wotcher, Captain!" A pink haired young woman waved back at the pair. "And Harry!"

"That's Captains, apparently, Nymmie." Sirius shot back as he gave a theatrical sigh. "Harry went and decided that we'd be sharing the position."

"Well you do owe me for years and years left at the Dursleys." Harry responded back, before eying the brilliantly haired woman. "And, Nymmie?"

"My dear cousin, Nymphadora Tonks." Sirius responded as he quickly dodged out of the way of the angrily thrown hex his cousin threw at him. "She was my first choice for your cabin wench, but, sadly her mother objected." Sirius paused a moment before shivering slightly. "And, when Romeda objects, I've learned to listen. You'll understand when you meet her."

"Grrr… And whatever you do, don't you dark call me Nymphadora!" The pink haired woman demanded.

"Why not?" Harry knew he was probably pushing it, but, he still wasn't quite convinced this wasn't all a dream. "I can't imagine a real nymph looking better than you."

The Tonks woman opened her mouth, then let it click shut, before falling open again in a slow cycle as Sirius clapped his arm down on Harry's shoulder. "Well done lad! You're learning!" Sirius grinned back at his godson. "Nym's the Gunnery Mistress. Her mother's our navigator and her dad's our Potions Master."

"You have your own Potions Master?" Harry blinked in surprise at that.

"Of course! You can't be a self respecting Air Pirate and not have a good Potions Master." Grinning wickedly Sirius suddenly barked out. "Dobby!"

"Yes Cap'n BlackPaw sir?" The houseelf popped into existence dressed in an approximation of a pirate's outfit. "You is calling for Dobby?"

"I do believe you know our ship cook?" Sirius noted, grinning back at his godson and winking at him. "He's been waiting for you to show up."

"HARRY POTTER SIR!" Dobby squealed in delight before grabbing hold of the boy's leg and gripping it tightly. "Dobby is so happy to be serving Mr. Harry Potter, Sir!"

"Captain Harry Potter Sir, Cook Dobby!" Sirius corrected with a grin. "He's usurped my authority and demanded a co-captainancy, the rogue!"

"Oooh, Harry Potter is the bestest wizard ever!" the house elf squealed softly before grinning happily. "Dobby will be making an extra special dinner!" And with a pop the little elf was gone.

"So… Is that the whole crew?" Harry blinked slightly before glancing over at a suddenly snorting Sirius, before a pair of cracks immediately rippled through the air as the Weasley twins appeared before them.

"Harry!"

"Captain!"

"Yes, Oh loyal minions?" Harry offered as he smiled innocently at the two.

"Minions?" The pair chorused, eyeing the boy with crossed arms.

"Of course." Harry agreed with a sage nod of his head. "If I'm going to be a proper pirate captain, I need loyal minions."

"Wait, we thought…"

"…Sirius was going to be the Captain?"

"If we'd known it was going to be Harry…"

"… We've have joined up with a lot less negotiating."

"Well, we're sharing the title for now," Harry admitted, before speaking in a stage whisper to the pair. "Can I count on you two when its time for the mutiny?"

"But of course, Harry."

"We wouldn't have it any other way!"

"You can count on my vote." The recovered Nymphadora chimed in, eyeing the teen with a slight smirk on her lips.

"But… but… Nymmie, we're family!" Sirius whined slightly. "How can you pick him over me?"

"Have you looked at the rest of our family lately?" The young woman shot back.

"I…" Sirius paused a moment, considering, before his jaw snapped shut and he hung his head. "Dammit, I can't win can I?"

"Against me?" Harry offered, smiling slightly and shrugging a bit. "Probably not." He grinned over at Nymphadora before chuckling just a bit. "What'd he offer you to be my cabin wench?"

Smirking, the girl leaned in, and whispered down into the boy's ear. For a moment, the boy paused, stroking his chin, and shaking his head. "Absolutely outrageous! You're worth far more than that! Sirius, how dare you demean the value of your cousin!"

"I was hoping for a family discount?" Sirius offered hopefully.

"I demand you apologize to her, immediately!" Harry shot back, crossing his arms about his chest and giving his godfather a stern look.

"Or else?" Sirius put forth challengingly.

"Do you really want me to give you the or else?" Harry paused a moment, before slowly, casually, just… SMILING at his godfather. "I mean, really, truly sure?"

"Sometimes, I forget he's Lils' son too." Sirius just shuddered softly before looking at his cousin. "I apologize, cousin."

"So, any one else?" Harry asked curiously as he arched a brow at his godfather and smiled cheekily.

"A few of your classmates we've commandeered." One of the Weasley twins offered up.

"A few claws…"

"Some puffs…"

"Even a pair of snakes!"

"Cute ones though." The twin admitted.

"Davis and Greengrass?" Harry offered hopefully.

"Yup." The twins agreed in unison.

"Delightful." Harry responded with a sage nod of his head, before frowning a bit. "Ron and Hermione?"

"She's Hermione." One of the twins shot back with a shrug.

"Can you imagine her taking part in a venture like this?" The second agreed.

"Well, I had hoped." Harry admitted before sighing slightly. "And Ron?"

"Mum." Was the twins singular response.

"Bugger." Harry sighed slightly before shrugging a bit. "So, we're off to kidnap Fleur then?"

"Yup!" Sirius agreed happily as he gestured down the deck. "Helmsgirl Bones is guiding us there now!"

"Susan?" Harry blinked slightly, before staring incredulously at Sirius. "You got the Head of the DMLE's NEICE helming a pirate ship?!"

"Well, Amelia wanted to come herself, but someone had to make sure Fudge doesn't completely bugger everyone." Sirius responded with a shrug. "Susan and Nymmie here are our liaisons with her."

"Right, so, other than Fleur, do you actually have something in mind for pirating?"

"Fudge, Malfoy, a number of other dark diddlers who need to feel the sting of pirating justice!" Sirius grinned happily as he rubbed his hands together. "Oh, and the carriage she's on? Carrying a goodly portion of Malfoy's blood money." He paused a moment, before looking at Harry oddly. "How did you know we were going after Fleur?"

"I can't think of any other bird worth stealing that'd be on a French carriage?" Harry offered back with a slight shrug of his shoulders. "What about the underage magic detectors?"

"Oh, we'll get you to Ted for that." Sirius responded quickly nodding his head, before eying the boy carefully. "And we've got to get you to wardrobe, have to have you projecting the proper piratanical image!"

"Just so we're clear, we're all absolutely bonkers, yes?" Harry clarified.

"YUP!" came the chorus of replies.

"Just checking."

-o-o-o-

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm afraid to inform you that we have been captured by a group of miscreants lead by the Dread Pirates BlackPaw and StagScar." The voice calmly called out across the magically expanded flying carriage. "If you will please have your valuables out and ready to be looted, we will be resuming our regularly scheduled flight with minimum delays."

"Take a carriage Mother said. It'll be nice she said. Air Pirates are absolutely unheard of these days she said!" Fleur sighed in disgust as she with drew her wand and glared at the door to her cabin, she'd not give up her things without fight!

When a figure appeared at the door, she let loose a particularly powerful piercing curse directly at it, before cursing softly as the figure managed to duck out of the way. "You filthy dogs! I won't give you a single knut!"

"Don't you know, Fleur, you're holding up the rest of this operation." A familiar voice called back, before before a black masked face popped around the corner of the door. "Really, must you always be such a troublesome minx?"

"Wha…?" Fleur's brow furrowed in response as she glimpsed a familiar pair of green eyes.

"Accio FLEUR!" And in that moment of confusion, she let off a startled yelp as she was summoned across the compartment and out the door, throwing her completely off guard as she crashed into a waiting black clad form.

Landing on his chest, the figure grinned teasingly back up at her as he snatched the wand right out of her hand. "Really Fleur, I never knew you liked to be on top so much."

Blushing brightly the girl peered down at the figure before blinking at him for a moment. "…Arry?"

Eyebrows waggled beneath the mask as she felt a hand slipping firmly to her waist, holding her into place. "That's the Dread Pirate Captain StagScar, my dear French wench!"

"Arry, what do you think you are doing?" The girl glared regally down at the boy, crossing her arms about her chest. "Playing pirate?"

"No playing about it, my dear." He grinned as he casually pushed back up, a grin that only grew as she let off a startled eep and slid down into his waiting lap. "We're plundering this carriage for two things."

"Two?" There was a hint of amusement in her eyes as she quickly regained her bearings, looking directly into the grinning boy's eyes.

"Yup, there was some DeathEater blood money we wanted as well." Harry responded back happily enough. "I do wish I could see Malfoy's face when he finds out."

"And the other prize?" She couldn't help but smile back at the amusing boy who's lap she'd found herself inadvertently occupying."

"Why, I need a cabin wench of course." He responded evenly enough.

Fleur blinked at that, then blinked again, before she stared at the boy for a long silent moment, then finally spoke. "You're kidnapping me, to make me your cabin wench?"

"But of course!" Harry agreed simply as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Who else would be better for the position?"

"… You have a pirate crew, and the only position you want me for is cabin wench?" The girl huffed, loudly as she crossed her arms about her chest, and pouted slightly. "Does being a triwizard champion mean nothing to you, Arry?"

"Fleur, I could never imagine you in just a single position." Harry assured her. "But, you will agree that a proper Dread Pirate, needs a down right impressive cabin wench, yes?"

"Well, I suppose." The girl reluctantly agreed as she shifted slightly on his lap. "And you are an impressive wizard."

"Then, shouldn't I have an equally impressive cabin wench?"

"But… but… I'm supposed to be interviewing for a new job!" Fleur whined softly, before pouting back at the boy.

"I don't suppose it would help to tell you that your sister sent your diary to BlackPaw?" Harry offered with an innocent smile on his lips.

"WHAT?! That little!" Fleur shrieked angrily, before the full implications of the statement hit her and she blushed, brilliantly. "Surely a gentleman such as yourself, would never invade a lady's privacy like that, Arry?"

"I, of course, wouldn't." He agreed as he lightly patted her finely shaped rump. "But, alas, BlackPaw is no gentleman. He was quite the avid fan, and alas, he did inform me of a great number of its contents."

"Oh." Fleur blushed brightly once more. "Then I suppose you'll be throwing me over your shoulder and carrying me off as your prize?"

"The most valuable and priceless one I could ever find on any French carriage I could imagine." Harry agreed cheerfully. "Shall we get your things?"

"If we must." Fleur sighed in defeat and before eying him speculatively. "Am I to be paraded about ze skimpy little outfits and made to serve you from my seat in your lap as you hold my helpless possessively to yours?"

"But of course, we even have a delightful selection of outfits waiting and ready to go." He paused a moment, before admitting. "No collars, but, we figured it would be best to wait for your input on that."

"Such a considerate Dread Pirate you are." Fleur responded with a happy smile. "Zen, shall we?"

"Your things first, my dear." Harry responded as she stood up, lifting her against his chest before guiding her back into her compartment. "We wouldn't want to deprive you of your things."

"Oh, how sweet!" She smiled and kissed his visible cheek before sashaying back towards her trunk with a visible wiggle of her hips.

"This is the best plunder a pirate could ask for." Harry noted, before grinning victoriously.

-o-o-o-

"My Lord?" Lucius Malfoy shivered slightly as the cold red eyes were settled upon him. "I…. regret to inform you that the delivery from our operations in France, has been… intercepted."

"What?! Who would dare?!" Voldemoret hissed angrily as he glared down at the man.

"According to the reports, it was… The Dread Pirates BlackPaw and StagScar."

"What?! Pirates?!" Voldemort hissed slightly and growled. "You're telling me my shipment was stolen by PIRATE?!"

"Dread Pirates, Sir." Lucius clarified carefully as he moved himself near a nervous looking Pettigrew.

"Damnation!" Voldemort growled slightly as he didn't even look as he threw the spell in Lucius' direction. "CRUCIO!"

So distracted was the Dark Lord, that he never noticed he'd hit Pettigrew instead of Lucius. "Is there any information about them?"

"Th-they took Fleur Delacour." Lucius produced with a stammer. " The Dread Pirate StagScar claimed her as his cabin wench!"

"Truly?" Voldemort frowned before pacing back and forth. "This does not bode well… not well at all."

"My Lord?"

"The more impressive the cabin wench, the more impressive the Dread Pirate! CRUCIO!" Voldemort again didn't bother to look, allowing Lucius to discreetly push Pettigrew into the way of the spell once more. "To have taken the Delacour girl as a cabin wench… I must think on this… This changes everything!"

"What about the prophesy my lord?" Lucius offered up, worriedly staring at the man.

"Oh, right that." Voldemort frowned a bit and twitched slightly. "Severus! Is that old fool still keeping the Potter brat isolated?"

"Yes, My Lord."

"Hmph, and that fool Fudge is playing perfectly into my hands…" Voldemort frowned slightly again. "Ah well, What kind of dread pirate would specifically target a Dark Lord?"

-o-o-o-

Harry and Sirius both sneezed simultaneous before blinking at one another and shrugging it off.


	18. Naruto: Reconciliation

Reconciliation

Disclaimer: Naruto Chars belong to Kishi.

Author's notes: Just something I came up with during my dry spell.

"Neh, Sakura-chan… why don't you hang out with Ino anymore?" Naruto threw out his question as he carefully went to work pulling the weeds from the soft, moist soil.

"Ugh, I don't hang out with Ino-pig anymore because we're not friends anymore!" Sakura shot back, glaring lightly at the boy even as she angrily gripped on a weed and violently jerked it out of the earth.

"… But why?" There was genuine confusion on his face as again he carefully gripped at the base of the weeds, twisting slightly as he loosened it from the soil, then drew it out, roots and all. "I mean… you two used to be inseparable!

"Grrr…" Sakura winced quietly at the question, even as her eyes flickered for a moment towards Sasuke before huffing slightly. "None of your business!"

"But…" He had seen the glance, a momentary think flickering away before he sighed slightly and slumped his shoulders. "Ok, Sakura-chan."

For a moment, Sakura blinked at the uncharacteristic ease at which the blonde boy had dropped the line of questioning, before shrugging just a bit as she dismissed it. Maybe, just maybe the idiot was finally learning to listen to her. If she'd been looking, however, she might've seen the sudden, determined glint in Naruto's eyes as he methodically went to work on the weeds in front of him.

-o-o-o-

(Several days later)

"MMM! MMPH!!!!" Ino Yamanaka was squirming angrily as she hung over the shoulder of one Naruto Uzumaki, her slender frame trussed up in ropes and a thick cotton gag in her mouth.

"… Naruto, what're you doing with my little princess?" Inoichi's voice was deceptively calm as he appeared in the blonde boy's path, his cold blue eyes flinty and hard as the boy froze in place and instantly began to sweat.

"Mmm!" Ino let out a triumphant sound as she seemed to suddenly smirk down at Naruto as if to say, 'Now you're going to get it!'

"Well, uh heh… you see… um…" Naruto blinked then blinked again as he gave the blonde jounin a nervous smile then quickly pulled out a mission scroll and handed it over to the man. "That should explain it?"

"… You've got to be…" Inoichi paused a moment, pinching the bridge of his nose as he unfurled the official looking document and then stared at its contents, restraining the urge to fall on his face. "How the hell did you get this, Uzumaki?"

"Err well, um, you see… I kinda um…" Naruto flushed brightly under the man's glare as he nervously scratched the back of his head. "Agreed to buy the old man lunch for the week?"

"… The Hokage signed off on this… for a week's worth of lunch?!" Inoichi was twitching, visibly now as he glared down at the boy.

Ino's stare matched her fathers as her eyes flicked from the scroll to Naruto. He'd gotten a mission for this?! He'd PAID to be able to do this?! Oh he was sooooo dead!

"Errr… read the rest of it? Please, please, please?" Desperation filled the boy's blue eyes as he stared up at the irate and murderous look the jounin was giving him.

Frowning slightly, the man continued to unfurl the scroll before blinking slightly as he read its contents. "Oh for the love of…"

"What!" The boy winced slightly under the jounin's piercing stare. "It can't hurt, can it? I mean… look at the way they've been acting towards each other!"

"Mmph?" Ino blinked slightly as she glanced from her father to the boy who had her slung so easily over her shoulder uncertainty on her face.

"You do realize that they're going to kill you for this, right?" Inoichi stated flatly as he crossed his arms about his chest while Ino was suddenly nodding her head enthusiastically in agreement.

"Err… Good thing I heal fast? Ehehehe…" There was nervousness in the boy's face as he flinched slightly under the man's look, before suddenly steeling himself as he looked up into the man's eyes. "But if it works, it'll be worth it."

"Well, sorry princess." Inoichi winced slightly as his daughter leveled a murderous glare that threatened to melt him where he stood. "But he does have the proper paper work for this… Once this is over and done with, you can talk to the Hokage." Pausing a moment, the man suddenly grinned down right wicked as he smiled at his daughter. "And I'm sure he'll be happy to let you perform an appropriately… retaliatory mission on Naruto here once it's over with."

Eyes alight, Ino shot Naruto with a down right vicious grin as the boy sent a glare back at the smirking man. However, just as the boy began to start marching off after almost ripping the mission scroll out of the elder Yamanaka's hands, another voice spoke up.

"Now, Inoichi, stop threatening that poor boy." Two pairs of incredulous deep indigo eyes turned to stare at where an older blonde woman stood, her arms crossed about her chest. "I think what he's doing is very sweet and thoughtful."

"Hiya Mrs. Yamanaka!" Naruto waved cheerfully as he ignored the way Ino practically face faulted on his shoulder. "Did you get the cookies?"

"Why yes, Naruto, they were very good." The woman responded with a nod of her head. "Even if a certain father and daughter did go and decide they were going to steal most of them for themselves."

"Errr… wait… I thought you made those cookies, honest!" Inoichi responded quickly, holding up his hands as his eyes widened. "I had no clue that someone made them for… Wait… NARUTO! Why are you making my wife cookies?!"

On the blonde boy's shoulders Ino couldn't help but want that answer herself as she Naruto stiffened in defiance underneath her as he responded. "What? You trying to say she's not worth someone making cookies for?!"

"Wha…?" That made Inoichi blink slightly, staring at the boy as his wife watched on, her eyes glittering in amusement. "That's not even close to what I meant! You don't go making cookies for another man's wife!"

"Huh..?! Wha…? What're you talking about?" Naruto blinked slightly, slowly staring vacantly back at the man before realization dawned in his eyes. "WHAT?! What're you, some kind of pervert?! She's way too old for me to be interested in her that way!"

Instantly the temperature in the room dropped noticeably as Inoichi sent a covert, triumphant smirk back at the boy while his wife spoke in a sweet, icy tone. "Old, Naruto-kun…?"

Every survival instinct in his body screaming at him, Naruto quickly spoke up wincing visibly. "Um… I meant… umm… but you're old enough to be my mother, aren't you? And isn't it wrong for guys to be interested in people old enough to be their parents? That was what Sakura-chan's mom always told me! Even wronger for people old enough to be our parents to be interested in us, which, really is very, very creepy! I mean, it was creepy enough seeing that one guy with glasses staring at Sasuke like he was, and he was just a few years older than us…"

As Naruto took a moment to desperately suck in a breath, Ino's mother couldn't help but shake her head ruefully. "True enough, Naruto-kun… But you should remember, is NEVER a good idea to call a woman old. It's terribly rude."

"Not to mention a quick invitation to a violent death." Inoichi added with a quite mutter as Ino nodded her head in affirmation on Naruto's shoulder. "So, I take it that you're in on this?"

"Why, my dear, cookie stealing husband, I'm sure I have no idea what's going on, or why this fine young man has our cookie stealing daughter over his shoulder, carrying her off like some prize…" Both males immediately sent the woman a dirty look even as she lightly tapped her lower lip speculatively. "Though, it is rather romantic, don't you think?"

Inoichi practically fell forward on his face at his wife's response, while Ino and Naruto both blushed crimson as they shook their heads in vehement disagreement while Naruto's voice quickly rose over Ino's muffled protestations. "No! No way, no how, no Ino!"

Instantly three pairs of Yamanaka eyes were fastened on the boy, who practically wilted under their gazes, though Inoichi spoke up first. "Are you saying there's something wrong with my princess?"

Feeling a strange stir of courage bubbling up, Naruto stood up straight, locking his eyes with Inoichi and daring to nod his head. "Considering all the crap she's helped put me through over the years? Yeah, I do!" As Ino flinched on the boy's shoulder and Inoichi looked caught between outrage and guilt, Naruto continued. "I'm doing this because it's the right thing to do, NOT because I like her! Now, I've got to get going, you can yell at me about this later."

And with that the blonde boy practically stormed out of the room, growling angrily under his breath as he adjusted the quietly protesting girl on his shoulder.

For a moment, silence hung in the air, before Inoichi could hear his wife's voice ringing with a cool curiosity. "Now, Inoichi, dear… What did Naruto-kun mean by that, hmm?"

"Eh heh…" Inoichi could feel a cold trickle of sweat drip down his neck. "Sakura did it too!"

"Dear, I think it's time we had… a talk, don't you think?"

-o-o-o-

Sakura awoke to find herself resting on a decidedly unfamiliar bed, and immediately moved to sit straight up, only to discover she was tied up rather snugly. Blinking owlishly she looked around the moderately sized room as she felt oddly lethargic. Immediate realization coursed through her mind as she silently cursed her mother, wondering what the crazy woman was up to this time.

She had no clue why she kept trying to hook her up with NARUTO of all people. And speaking of her blonde teammate, a thick metal door suddenly swung inwards, revealing the normally cheerful looking blonde with another, familiar blonde slung over his shoulder. As she stared back at the scene, Naruto dropped Ino down onto the bed next to Sakura before walking back to the door and swinging it firmly shut.

Once that was done, the boy walked back to the pair and pulled out a kunai as he cut the ropes on both their wrists before he started to speak. "All right…"

Anything else was cut off as Sakura ignored the way Ino started to protest and angrily threw a punch at the boy, causing him to disperse in a puff of smoke.

Quickly pulling the gag out of her mouth, Ino glared at the pink haired girl next to her. "Way to go, Forehead, now we have no clue what the hell was going on."

"Shut up, Ino-pig! How was I supposed to know that he was a shadow clone?" Sakura grumbled after she pulled her own gag out and then glanced around the sparsely decorated room. "When I get my hands on that idiot…!"

"Good luck." Ino shot back with a grumble as she began to untie the rest of the knots still holding her body. "He apparently got an official mission for this."

"… Are you kidding me?!" Sakura practically shrieked as she went to work on her own knots. "Ooooh that little…"

"And I know my mom was probably in on it." Ino offered lamely with a grumble before flopping back on the bed, now completely freed of the ropes.

"Considering how I'm still a little woozy, mine too." Sakura grumbled as she pinched the bridge of her nose. "Knowing her, this is probably one of crazy schemes to get me hooked up with Naruto."

"… Wait, your mom has been…?" Ino stared back at Sakura, blinking owlishly at the girl.

"For the last year or so, yeah." Sakura grumbled as she drew her legs back up against her chest. "I swear, she must've been spending too much time in her damned lab."

"My mom is apparently fond of him as well." Ino noted with a twitch, before she reluctantly continued. "And he apparently makes some really good cookies."

"Cookies, Ino-Pig?" Sakura offered with a teasing smirk on her lips as her eyes twinkled mischievously.

"I thought my mom had made them, Forehead!" Ino shot back, growling slightly even as she blushed. "So did my dad…"

"If I thought my mom had made em, that'd be all the more reason for me to NOT touch them." Sakura responded with a shudder. "The last ones she gave me…"

"Oooh, that was the day you started thinking Naruto was a toad, Sasuke-kun was a snake and you were a slug, wasn't it!" Ino grinned back at Sakura who immediately buried her face in her hands.

"Ugh, don't remind me about that!" Sakura whined slightly as she hung her head, before smirking just a bit. "Wasn't that when I first saw you as Ino-pig?"

"Hey, I thought it was kinda… well now that I think about it, it's really, really creepy." Ino began before she stared at Sakura. "Especially since you guys are on a team together now."

"Eh? What're you talking about?" Sakura blinked owlishly back at the blonde girl as she shifted nervously under her stare.

"Come on, you're the one who's supposed to be a brainiac!" Ino rolled her eyes slightly as she smirked back at Sakura. "A toad, a slug and a snake, all on the same team?"

"Wha..?" Sakura's brow furrowed slightly as she considered Ino's words. "A Toad... a Slug... and a Snake?"

"The sannin, duh! Geez, Forehead!" Ino shook her head in exasperation as she stared at the pink haired girl in front of her. "Jiraiya, with his Toads, Tsunade with her Slugs, and Orochimaru with his Snakes!"

"... You really want to associate Sasuke-kun with a traitor?" Sakura countered with a frown as she lightly glared back at the blonde girl.

"...Ugh.. I forgot about that." Ino made a face as her nose scrunched back up against her face. "Nor do I really wanna associate Naruto with ANY of the sannin."

"Tell me about it!" Sakura grumbled slightly as she shook her head and flopped back against the bed. "This stupid little idea of his… do you even know why he…" Suddenly recollection dawned in her eyes as the pink haired girl groaned loudly as she slapped her hand in her face. "That idiot."

"Eh? What're you talking about?" Ino blinked slightly and stared at the girl, narrowing her eyes slightly in confusion as she looked at Sakura curiously.

"A few days ago, Naruto asked me why I didn't hang out with you anymore." Sakura groaned out as she pinched the bridge of her nose. "I got angry at him and told him because we aren't friends anymore."

"Well, we aren't, remember?" Ino snapped back as she glared at the girl. "We're rivals for Sasuke-kun's affection!"

"Right." Sakura agreed, albeit not quite as vehemently as she glanced around the room and sighed. "I am so going to kill that idiot."

"I'll help." Ino agreed as she sat up and started walking around the room. "Dad told me some good places to dump bodies."

"… So has my mom." Sakura admitted uneasily. "Though, she was more telling me them as places she'd dump Sasuke-kun's body if I ever brought him over as my boyfriend."

"… Huh." Ino blinked slightly in confusion. "My dad just said he'd do that to ANY boy I brought home as my boyfriend."

"I don't know why, but my Mom doesn't like Sasuke-kun." Sakura paused a moment, before frowning slightly. "Actually, Mom doesn't really like Uchiha period. She told me the only worthwhile one she ever met died before I was born."

"Hey… look at this." Ino spoke up, carefully holding up a photo album left on the table. "I wonder what's in this?"

"If it was left by Naruto, probably pictures of his pranks," Sakura said dryly as she grinned slightly back at Ino who opened up the album and blinked in shock.

"Wow… How the hell did he get these?!" Ino stared in shock at the page, before carefully flipping to the next, then the next, her blue eyes wide in absolute disbelief.

"How did he get what?" Sakura asked curiously as she walked up behind the blonde girl then blinked as she looked over her shoulder and stared at the photos before her. "Oh, wow…"

They were pictures of the two of them, when they were younger. Back when they were almost inseparable in fact. Their hair was cut far shorter than it'd been in years as they hung off each other's shoulders, while each held a broad, happy, care free smile on their faces. Smiles so bright, so happy, so cheerful they seemed to light up the rest of the photograph.

"Man… we really were happy back then, weren't we, Forehead?" Ino noted as she lightly traced a finger across one photo in particular's surface, her birthday party in fact.

"… Yeah, we were." Sakura responded quietly, as she struggled to recall smiling like that since they'd made each rivals out of one another. "Practically inseparable."

"Mom was really disappointed when I told her we stopped being friends." Ino admitted quietly as they came to a picture with the two of them and their families, all smiling together back at the camera. "Especially when she found out why."

"Mine almost yelled at me." Sakura admitted softly as she shook her head slightly and sighed just a bit while she sat down on one of the chairs by the table. "She almost demanded I go and apologize to you and ask to be friends again right then and there, especially when she found out that it was for Sasuke-kun."

"I think the only reason mine didn't was because she thought we'd get over it and go back to being best friends pretty quickly." Ino responded quietly as she lightly ran her fingers over another picture before turning the page. "She was really upset when we stopped hanging out period. She'd give me a glare anytime I started complaining about having to put up with you."

"Hmph!" Sakura glared mildly at the girl before sighing as she would cross her arms about her chest. "Complaining about me? You're the one that always kept trying to embarrass me in front of Sasuke-kun!"

"As if! Like you need any help in that area!" Ino shot back with a snort. "Or are you forgetting just who it was you finished behind, hmmm?"

"Ugh, shut up, Piggy!" Sakura growled back as she glared at the girl, her emerald eyes blazing angrily. "Who was it that ended up on his team?!"

"And how far have you gotten with him then, hmmm?" Ino countered glaring back at her former friend as she crossed her arms about her chest. "I don't see you going on any dates with him, and you've been on his team, what, a week or two now?"

Sakura let her shoulders slump down as she let off a soft sigh of resignation as the mark hit home while she crossed her arms about her chest, hugging herself tightly. "I… I've tried. But… But… He thinks I'm annoying. The only one on our team that seems to pay attention to me is Naruto."

Ino paused a moment, uncertain how to react to that as the pink haired girl seemed to deflate back in on herself, all her self confidence seemingly melting away. "… Everyone? What about your instructor?"

"He's always busy with Sasuke or Naruto. It's like I'm not even worth his time." Sakura's words made the slight rise of triumph Ino felt plummet to the pit of her stomach with an icy weight. "And honestly? I'm starting to wonder why I'm even a ninja. I mean… Even compared to Naruto I'm starting to feel pathetic."

"Compared to Naruto?!" Ino stared at the pink haired girl next to her and couldn't help but blink slightly in shock. "That idiot? Why would you…?"

"Do you know what shadow clones are?" Sakura cut in, her voice suddenly a bit harsh as she stared at her former friend.

"Shadow clones? Yeah, my dad uses one on occasion. It's a jounin level technique that has to be used carefully because of how it splits up your chakra." Ino shrugged slightly and blushed sheepishly. "I tried to get him to teach it to me so I could leave a clone to mind the store while I went out training and he refused because it was too complicated to learn and too dangerous for someone who hadn't developed the right amount of chakra reserves."

"Naruto knows it." Sakura answered the unspoken question in Ino's eyes as they immediately widened in shock. "He wouldn't let me know where he learned it, but I found out he learned it in a couple of hours, and he throws the clones around like it's nothing. I've seen him pull out 20 or 30 at a time and he tells me he could do a lot more if he wanted to."

"You've gotta be kidding me!" Ino stared at Sakura, gaping slightly in disbelief as the pink haired girl shook her head. "He knows a jounin level skill like that?!"

"I got curious and looked up what the library had to say about the technique. It wouldn't go into the details, other than to say it was incredibly dangerous and why." Sakura responded as she nodded her head back to Ino. "When I found out what I did, and went to Kakashi about it, and about the dangers that the book said about the technique, he gave me one of those smiles and told me that it was good I was worried about my teammates, but Naruto is uniquely suited to using the technique."

Sakura let her words hang in the air for a moment, before shuddering slightly. "But, he still acts like such an idiot! He goes and learns a technique like that… so quickly it's insane, and then turns around and just keeps acting like such an idiot!"

"Yeah well…" Ino flipped the page again, before blinking slightly as her mouth fell open in absolute shock as a familiar ribbon came into view. "How the… Ugh, Mom must've helped him."

"Is that…?" Sakura blinked slightly for a long moment as she stared down at the ribbon even as her fingers reached down, hesitantly letting her touch run along its length as she almost smiled slightly before the memories of the last time she'd seen it came crashing down. "You… kept it?"

"Hmph! Yeah, I did, though I don't know why I bothered." The cold venom dripping off of Ino's words felt like rising blister on Sakura's skin as the pink haired girl flinched back from the blonde's words. "After all, you made it clear how you felt about things between us."

"Ino…" Sakura paused a moment, hanging her head as the ghosts of the past clung to her with an icy grip. "I just wanted to… I didn't want to be just known as Ino's friend. I wanted to be my own person… I wanted to be strong."

"Yeah, you've managed that sooo well, haven't you?" Ino's voice dripped in acidic sarcasm as she glared at the girl next to her. "And all for a guy, a really hot, dreamy guy, yeah, but still a guy." The blonde shook her head for a moment, and growled softly. "And you know what? I thought my mom was right, that we'd spend a bit of time playing at being rivals, then go back to being best friends."

For a moment, Ino studied the girl who couldn't bring herself to meet her eyes anymore before she continued in a much softer voice. "But, you wouldn't let that happen, would you? You just couldn't admit you were wrong and come back."

"Wrong?" Sakura's eyes suddenly flashed with fire as her head jerked up and she glared at the girl. "I wasn't wrong! I wasn't about to come crawling back like some whipped dog! I wasn't going to go back to being your little sidekick in the shadows! Besides, you're the one that was all for us being rivals!"

"Because I though you'd get stronger!" Ino shot back, snorting softly. "But, you didn't! You completely forgot about becoming a strong kunoichi! You gave up on not being weak anymore!" The girl glared at her even harder as she clenched her fingers tighter into her palms. "Do you even have a CLUE how lucky you are to have the team you do?"

"Lucky? I'm stuck with that idiot Naruto and Sasuke-kun thinks I'm worthless! How the hell am I lucky?!" Sakura shot back as she glared at her former friend.

"An idiot that mastered a jounin level technique and actually WANTS to train and get stronger! And we both know how Sasuke is about training and getting stronger!" Ino countered again as she growled slightly. "Me? I'm stuck with the two laziest guys in our class as teammates, because of that stupid Ino-Shika-Cho combination! I have to yell at them, SCREAM at them to get them to do anything! And our instructor isn't much different!"

"At least your team gets along!" Sakura responded with a glare as her eyes glistened. "Mine are always fighting! As soon as Kakashi dismisses us, Sasuke-kun is gone, and Naruto… When he's not asking me to go out with him, he's off trying to train himself! It's just… there never seems to be anything I can do!"

Ino took a slow, deep breath, before she opened her eyes up once more and settled a look on Sakura. "And how much time to you spend training, as opposed to trying to get Sasuke to acknowledge you?"

It was then that Sakura realized Ino had dropped the kun honorific from Sasuke's name as she stared at the girl incredulously. "Sasuke, not Sasuke-kun? What, that mean you've given up on him, Ino-pig?"

"Argh!!" The blonde girl let off a scream of frustration as she slammed the photo album shut and used it to take a swing at Sakura. "Did you listen to a word I've said?! No! I haven't given up on him! I just won't sacrifice becoming a strong kunoichi just to try and get closer to him!"

"Hey!" Sakura looked affronted as she glared back at the girl in front of her as she ducked back from the girl's swing. "What the hell!?"

"You're only listening to what you want to listen to!" Ino growled for a moment before she placed the album back on the table between them. "I asked you how much time you spend training, and you just turn around and gah! What the HELL happened to you, Forehead?!"

"I… I don't know what you're talking about!" Sakura shot back as she growled angrily and turned her head, ignoring the way Ino was staring at her.

"Don't know?! You're…! Ugh!" Ino practically growled softly as she glared at her former friend as her fingers clenched angrily back into her palms. "I asked you how much time you spent training instead of trying to get his notice!"

"I… uh…" Sakura fidgeted slightly as she glanced away. "There's the team training exercises Kakashi-sensei has us do, and um… some stuff he has me do while he's working with Sasuke-kun and Naruto…"

"And beyond that?" Ino pressed, her eyes glinting angrily as she stared at the girl in front of her.

"Beyond that?" Sakura blinked slightly, looking at Ino incomprehensibly with wide, emerald eyes.

"What do you mean beyond that?" Sakura was just staring at Ino as she struggled a bit to see what she meant. "I mean, how much training do YOU do beyond your team stuff?"

"A lot."


	19. Naruto: Twin Swords

Twin Swords Unbroken

Disclaimer: Naruto and Co belong to Kishimoto. This is just a simple little reinterpretation on my part, brought on by my dissatisfaction with the series.

Author's notes: I like Naruto and Sasuke, as a team and as friends. One of the greatest disappointments I've had in the Naruto series is how this fell by the wayside, and Kishimoto made one into an antagonist, one that's steadily becoming less and less redeemable, or more precisely, becoming less and less like a character I WANT to redeem himself.

-o-o-o-

"Hey."

Sasuke slowly opened his eyes to look up at where Naruto stood, nervously at the door outside his room, before grunting softly in return. "Hey."

"So, Kakashi-sensei says that you'll be fine in a week or so... just like Zabuza was," Naruto said quietly as he lightly shifted his fingers nervously against his jacket pockets, and for the first time, Sasuke noticed the dirt caking his teammate's body. "Which is good."

"Yeah." Sasuke nodded his head in turn, his dark eyes glancing away for a moment, staring out the window next to his bed before he spoke up. "So what's he been having you do?"

"Nothing." Naruto responded back as he shrugged his shoulders a bit. "I guess he wants us to take some time off. After everything that happened and all."

"Hn..." Sasuke grunted back before glancing again at Naruto's hands. "Then why're you so dirty, idiot?"

For a moment, the usual fire flashed through those blue eyes, before the boy settled, subdued again where he stood. "I buried Haku and Zabuza."

For a moment, Sasuke said nothing, staring at the way his teammate stood there, stiff and quiet as he could see what seemed to be tears, welling up in those blue eyes. "... What the hell are you going to cry about?"

And again, there was that familiar flash of fire, only this time, it didn't die back down as the boy clenched his fists tightly together. Slowly, he glared back at Sasuke, before he began to speak. "If I want to shed some tears for people who deserve them, it's none of your business, bastard."

"What the hell is your problem?! Did you forget they tried to KILL us?! Hell, I'm here because…" Sasuke immediately began to respond as he glared back at Naruto, only to flinch back as the blonde boy fixed him with an almost murderous glare.

"My problem…? My problem?!" Naruto repeated, quietly at first before the anger rapidly blossomed upon his lips. "I met Haku. That's what my problem is. I met someone who could have been a friend. Someone that I wish I had gotten to know better."

That glare bore down into Sasuke as he growled his words out. "I met someone… Who was called a monster, because of something he had no control over. I met someone whose father killed his mother because they had a bloodline, who had to kill his father when he turned to kill him next. I met someone with no purpose, no hope, until he turned himself into a tool, saw himself as nothing but a tool. Someone I COULD have been if I'd met someone like Zabuza."

A deep, heavy breath came and left Naruto's chest as he glared back at the dark eyed boy. "My problem, is that I watched what I thought was the death of my teammate, the damned genius, rookie of the year throwing his life away… Throwing his life away for ME! For the dead last, for the idiot, for the monster." Naruto shook his head again, tears lightly glistening in his eyes as he glared even more angrily at Sasuke. "I cracked his mask, and I found myself facing the boy who taught me that true power, true strength comes from fighting for, protecting what's important to you.

"He told me his story, then asked me to end him, because he'd failed as a tool. As a TOOL!" The blonde's eyes burned with tears now as he let off a wet, bitter laugh. "And I was going to do it too. I would have done it… If Haku hadn't seen Kakashi-sensei about to put his hand through Zabuza's chest…" The words trailed off on Naruto's lips as he shook his head, eyes fogged with tears. "He moved, he was barely standing, but he found the strength to move, to put himself between Kakashi-sensei and Zabuza.

"I watched as Kakashi sensei put his hand THROUGH Haku's chest… I watched Gato kick his body like it was a piece of trash!" Naruto growled again, a dark, pulsing thing as the air seemed to grow thick around them. "I watched, as Zabuza just… seemed to not care, and I yelled at him for it. Yelled at him for how much Haku gave up for him, sacrificed for him… How cruel that was."

As Naruto took a deep, ragged breath, Sasuke stared back at his teammate, uncertain, unsure of what to say to him, how to respond to that almost violent outburst of emotion that fled his lips, unable to look away as Naruto continued in a soft voice as he stared back at his dark haired teammate. "And… He told me I was right. He told me how Haku broke his heart to fight us. How in the end, we're all human. With tears in his eyes, he asked me for a kunai. And then I watched as he tore through Gato's thugs and ended the bastard's life.

"And finally, I watched as he died, next to Haku, staring at him, touching his face in the falling snow." Shaking his head, tears flowing freely down his cheeks, Naruto managed to glare back at Sasuke. "So, don't tell me about what I've forgotten. Don't tell me about who does or doesn't deserve my tears… you got that, you bastard?!"

Slowly Sasuke allowed Naruto's words to carefully process through his confused mind. The pure force of the boy's emotions, the depth of them, the intensity of them had driven ruthlessly deep inside of him. Still, his pride fought back, as he struggled to glare back into those penetrating blue eyes, before more of what Naruto said filtered through his mind.

"Hn…" Sasuke grunted quietly for a moment, struggling on how he wanted to respond, struggling against the words that wanted to come past his lips, before slowly, he spoke. "It's… Not easy to lose your family. To have those bonds suddenly severed, especially so cruelly."

"You think I don't know that?" Naruto shot back and growled before he crossed his arms about his chest and glared at the wall. "I… I've wanted those kinds of bonds my whole life. A family, people there for you, caring for you no matter what. People you're close to." He struggled for a moment for the words, before glancing down at the floor. "I've… watched people I've started to care for throw themselves in front of me, to protect me at the cost of themselves. I know how much that hurts. To have even stronger bonds… and have them be severed like that…"

As Naruto's voice trailed off, Sasuke could feel a spark of his own anger rising up as he glared back at Naruto. "Shut up. Just because you think you've got an idea what it's like doesn't mean you know just how deeply it hurts!" A snarl curled across Sasuke's face as he pushed himself up in his bed. "You don't know what it's like to have them torn apart right in front of you! To watch as they're cut by someone you cared for… respected, loved more than anyone else! YOU DON'T KNOW!"

"… And you don't know what it's like to have always been alone." Naruto responded quietly as he looked back at Sasuke with his tear stained eyes. "To have NEVER had those bonds. To feel cold eyes watching you. To have never had more than an empty apartment to return to. No father, no mother… no family. NO ONE!" Naruto voice was even thicker as his words became a hoarse whisper. "Just a kind old man who doesn't have time for you, that everyone respects and acknowledges."

"Mah, you know, you two can keep going back and forth on this and you'll never get anywhere." Kakashi's voice broke the moment, sending its shattered remains clattering down around them as the man smiled down at them both. "The question becomes, are you two going to sit here, going back and forth about whose had it worse?"

"Of course I'm not!" Naruto immediately almost yelled at the man as his eyes burned. "I'm not gonna insult Haku and Zabuza's memories like that!"

"Good good." Kakashi nodded his head before turning and glancing at Sasuke. "And you, Sasuke?"

For a moment, Sasuke merely studied Naruto as he thought back to the day they'd gotten their team assignments, to the way he'd reacted to Sakura's words. It took him only a moment to move from there, remembering the way that he'd seen the boisterous blonde shooting off his mouth all the time. And then, how he'd some how pull out moments of sheer brilliance and power that left Sasuke almost dumbfounded.

"Kakashi-sensei… Can I talk to you in private?" Sasuke asked as calmly as he could, his eyes flicking away from Naruto to their instructor.

"Sure," Kakashi agreed amiably as he nodded his head and turned seemingly cheerfully to Naruto. "Naruto?"

"Yeah, fine, I'm gonna get some training in before it gets too late." Naruto's voice again regained some of its former life as he still sent a mild glare at the rest of his present team then almost seemed to vanish from sight.

"So…" Kakashi arched a brow curiously as he studied his dark haired pupil with a careful, cautious eye.

"How much do you know about Naruto?" It was a quiet question that galled him to ask. To admit that he might be wrong, or that there was something he wasn't certain about.

"More than I can tell you," Kakashi answered simply as he turned his head, his head flicking slightly towards where the blonde boy had stood moments before. "And probably more than anyone other than the Hokage and one other person."

"Nothing about him makes sense." Sasuke said quietly, suddenly growling. "He's supposed to be the dead last! But, then he goes and picks up everything almost as fast as I do! He comes up with plans and ideas that are so insane they're brilliant! How the hell did he suddenly get so strong?!"

"Suddenly?" Kakashi chuckled softly as he arched a brow carefully at the boy. "Who said there was anything sudden about it?" The silver haired man smiled down at the boy, before settling in to sit down next to him.

"But at the Academy…" Sasuke began as he stared back at his teacher in disbelief.

"Mah… Some people, like you, and I suppose like me, flourish at the Academy. They're very good at taking the theoretical and using it to achieve the practical." He paused a moment, before grinning back at the boy. "Then you have people like Naruto. People their flourish by doing. You can spend days explaining the high end mechanics to him, and it'll just be a waste of time. He won't get it."

Kakashi paused a moment, leaning back as he grinned just a bit. "But, if you have him actually doing something?" He paused a bit, before grinning slightly at Sasuke. "Do you know what areas Naruto did excel in?"

"He was near the top in taijutsu, and stealth and evasion," Sasuke responded a hedging tone to his voice.

"Mhm… And if he'd had the patience and the help correcting a lot of his mistakes, he probably would have better Taijutsu than you." Kakashi paused a moment, before quickly cutting off the protests that the boy was about to make. "At least, better Academy taijutsu. But, that style hardly suits Naruto."

"…Why not?" Sasuke couldn't help but feel at least a bit curious as he stared back at their teacher with a careful look of consideration in his eyes.

"Too rigid." Kakashi grinned again back at Sasuke as his visible eye seemed to twinkle. "Can YOU imagine Naruto working in that disciplined of a style?"

"… No, not really." Sasuke admitted quietly before glaring slightly at Kakashi. "Then why haven't you done anything about it?"

"Might be I'm just waiting for you to start learning the right lesson." Kakashi responded vaguely even as he grinned back at them. "Besides… Most of what I'll be doing is teaching you to basics, giving you the tools you need to figure out your own path as a ninja."

"My… own path?" Sasuke paused a moment, considering Kakashi's words as he stared off into the distance.

"Mhm." Kakashi nodded his head. "Yup, you have to figure what suits you best and then following it through." The jounin paused a moment, lightly stroking his chin before shrugging just a bit. "Take it from the example of the Hokages. You know how each of them have had a different style of fighting, yes?"

Looking off in the distance for a moment, Kakashi reluctantly shook his head before he continued. "They found, or created styles that worked best for them. Fit them perfectly instead of trying to force themselves into their roles." Kakashi paused a moment, before he glanced down at Sasuke. "That's part of what makes the most powerful shinobi so strong."

"Only part?" Sasuke studied his teacher carefully as he waited, watching as he leaned back.

"Yup, they also need the drive, the desire to push themselves beyond everything that is expected of them." Kakashi smiled slightly back at boy. "When I was about your age… I was a jonin, did you know that?" At Sasuke's wide eyed response, Kakashi nodded his head absently. "Yeah… And on my first mission as one, I found and lost my reason for pushing myself beyond what I was."

"Found and… lost?" Sasuke looked up at Kakashi, slightly startled at the man's words.

"Obito Uchiha," Kakashi said the name with a kind of reverence Sasuke had never heard in the man's voice. "He was my teammate. Yes, he was one of your clan members… On that mission, he died, saving my life and our teammates. I didn't realize it until after he was gone, but he was my best friend."

"Is…?"

"Mmm? My eye?" Kakashi nodded his head slightly. "An Iwa nin had destroyed mine… Obito was dying, so he had Rin, a our teammate and a medic nin, transplant his eye into mine."

"… Is… that why you were assigned to our team?" The Uchiha's voice was quiet as he looked up at Kakashi, who merely smiled back at him.

"Nope!" The man's cheerful voice answered him as he shook his head. "Naruto is." Pausing a moment, Kakashi leaned in an whispered conspiratorially into Sasuke's ear. "Plus, Obito? If anyone on the team reminds me of him, it's Naruto."

"An… Uchiha Naruto?" Sasuke's mind struggled to wrap around the concept as he tried to imagine the grinning blonde with black hair and black eyes, smiling with the Uchiha fan, bouncing around his clan's district. "…Wha… how..?!"

"This was years before you were even born, Sasuke." Kakashi responded quietly before he leaned back again. "You though, you remind me of how I was back then." The silver haired man paused for a long moment, letting the words sink in before he continued. "And that isn't a good thing."

"And why not?" Sasuke glowered slightly as he stared up at his teacher.

"Because back then, I didn't care about anyone." Kakashi again spoke in that simple, blunt tone as he lightly glared down at the boy. "All I cared about was chasing ghosts."

"So, what you're going to tell me you understand my pain too?" Sasuke sneered for a moment before he could feel the sudden crack of a blow striking across his face, before he registered that his instructor had just struck him.

"I'm going to tell you this once, Sasuke." Kakashi's voice wasn't cold, hard, or even angry. If anything, it was soft, and filled with a sympathetic pity. "The exact circumstances that wound a persons heart are never the same, and thus, you'll never find someone who feels exactly what you feel." The man's voice grew sterner then before he continued. "But, just because someone doesn't feel your exact pain, DOES NOT mean that that they don't know what it's like to be in pain, what it's like to hurt."

Shaking his head, Kakashi stood up and gave one more pitying look down at the boy. "And Naruto? He knows what it's like to be in pain. He's dealt with it since before he even knew what to call it. He just deals with it differently than you do."

And with that, Sasuke was left sitting alone with his thoughts as the silenced weighed down on his shoulders.

-o-o-o-

Kakashi sighed tiredly as he found Naruto striking against a tree not far from the building, his already dirt caked hands quickly beginning to glisten with fresh blood at the boy broke through the callouses on his knuckles. Quietly appearing behind the boy, the jounin offered a single, neutral word. "Yo."

"Yeah, what?" Naruto's voice was harsh, bitter as it left his lips, even as he refused to look up from where he continued to strike against the tree trunk.

"Trying to imitate Sasuke's taijutsu?" Kakashi's voice was curious as he watched the way boy was trying to pelt the tree with short, fast punches before stiffening immediately.

Turning boiling blue eyes onto the man, Naruto growled softly. "Yeah, so? Everyone's always talking about how good he is and how bad I am, so what the hell! Not like I get any help from anyone without having to beg them."

"… Huh… Kakashi blinked slightly as he looked at the boy, his head lightly canting to the side for a moment. "So, you pretty much taught yourself?"

"Iruka-sensei helped me some," Naruto admitted quietly as he paused a bit in his blows, studying the chipped and bloodied bark in front of him with a critical eye before glancing down at his bloody knuckles. "But not fair for me to try and take up all his time, ya know?" Shaking his head, still staring at his knuckles Naruto growled again. "And the rest of the instructors… Always made excuses about helping me."

"Impressive for you to be in the top of your class for your taijutsu then." Kakashi studied the boy a moment, considering things thoughtfully as he watched the way the boy moved.

"In the top?" Naruto snorted, loudly as he glared up at Kakashi. "I'm the dead last, remember?"

"Overall, yes." Kakashi responded with a smile as he chuckled a bit. "Your failure in academics and chakra exercises brought you down. You were among the top students in your group taijutsu wise. I do believe you WERE the top in stealth and evasion."

"Right." Naruto shook his head and sighed softly. "Iruka-sensei always found me in all our exercises, so yeah, no need to try and trick me like that."

"Um, Naruto?" Kakashi blinked slightly as he stared at the boy. "Iruka was always the one to find you?"

"Yeah, why?" There was genuine confusion in the boy's eyes as he stared up at his jounin instructor.

"Naruto… in most of those exercises, your CLASSMATES were supposed to be the ones to find you." Kakashi slowly shook his head and chuckled a bit. "And… Iruka might only be a chuunin, but he's one of our best at both tracking and detection as well as stealth and evasion."

"So?" Naruto glowered stubbornly as he glared up at his teacher. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you were very, VERY good Naruto." Kakashi responded simply as he studied the boy in front of him. "Didn't Iruka tell you that?"

"Yeah, but I figured he was just saying that." Naruto lightly scratched the back of his head. "The rest of the class always used to glare at me and stuff. Not to mention the other instructors were always mad at me in it. So, I'd always try harder the next time…"

"Naruto, trust me, they weren't upset because you were doing poorly."

"If you say so Kakashi-sensei." Naruto's voice was uncertain as it left his lips before he glanced back at the tree, his shoulders slumping quietly. "It's just…"

"Mmm, Naruto. Stop trying to be like Sasuke." Kakashi spoke in a simple, blunt tone as he glanced down to where Naruto's shoulders were slumping even further. "His style doesn't suit you at all."

"I don't care what you, or anyone else says, I'm going to get stronger! I'm going to become Hokage!" Naruto glared up at the calm silver haired man. "I'm going to prove everyone who says I can't wrong!"

"That's nice, but I'm not saying you can't do that." Kakashi responded amiably as he shook his head and lightly patted Naruto's blonde hair. "I'm just saying Sasuke's style, taijutsu and otherwise, wouldn't work too well for you at all. You need a different one."

"Huh…?" Naruto stared at the man in absolute shock, his eyes widening slightly for a moment as he worked to wrap his mind around what the man had said. "But… Everyone always said how good his taijutsu was!"

"That's because he's using one that fits him rather well." Kakashi responded with a shrug as he carefully studied Naruto. "His relies on precision and speed, two things he excels at. You however…" The jounin considered for a moment, pursing his lips beneath his mask before he continued. "I think you'd do better with a more… acrobatic style. Something far less rigid and more flexible."

"Can you… can you help me with that Kakashi-sensei?" There was hope, glistening in the boy's eyes as he looked up at his teacher, before he could feel the crushing weight of Kakashi's response hit him.

"Nope!" The man responded cheerfully before smiling back at Naruto. "That doesn't mean that I can't find someone who can however." A shudder suddenly ran down the man's spine before he winced visibly. "Even if it means dealing… with Him."

"…Him?"

"One of Konoha's top taijutsu specialists. He's just a tad… eccentric." Kakashi winced slightly as he said the last word. "And he thinks of me as his 'Eternal Rival.'"

"Weirder than you?" Naruto offered up curiously, as he studied his instructor carefully.

"… I am not weird." Kakashi huffed slightly as he lightly glared down at his student.

"You call coming up with lame excuses for being late all the time, reading porn in public and shoving your fingers into people's asses normal?" Naruto countered even as he unconsciously rubbed at his backside while glaring at the man.

Kakashi opened his mouth to protest, before closing it, frowning slightly. "Hm… you have a point. Though, the Thousand Years was to get your attention."

"You did." Naruto agreed as he suddenly smiled, deviously up at Kakashi. "And one day, I'm going to return the favor." 'With a Kunai and exploding tags instead of my fingers' he added mentally.

Kakashi stared blankly at the boy for a long moment, before his voice responded in a casual deadpan. "Not if you don't start learning what you need to get strong enough."

"Then TEACH ME!" Naruto shot back as he growled softly. "I won't back down on my dream! I WILL succeed, even if I have to scrape and crawl my way to the top!" Before Kakashi could respond, the tears began to glisten again in the boy's eyes as his fingers clenched tightly back into his hands. "Please… please just teach me, so I won't be too weak to save people like Haku and Zabuza."

"Naruto… You can't save everyone." Kakashi spoke in a soft voice as he reached down and softly placed his hand on the boy's shoulder. "I can teach you things… But I can't teach you something I don't know myself." For a long moment, Kakashi stood there, debate warring across his mind before his voice continued softly. "If I could… I would have been able to protect the people I cared about."

"…Kakashi-sensei…?" Tears still glistening in his wide, blue eyes, Naruto looked up at the jounin and stared in shock at the man.

"Obito died first." Kakashi's voice had lost itself in the past as he lifted his head, staring off into nothing as he stood there, his hand still settled silently on Naruto's shoulder. "He woke me up from the living death I was in and made me care again… Then he died, saving my life." His finger lifted up, and tapped his slanted headband over his eyes. "This was his final gift to me."

As Naruto's eyes widened even further, the man continued on just as quietly. "After that… Rin, my other teammate never survived the Third Shinobi war, and it was just me and sensei left." With a slow, deep breath, Kakashi closed his visible eye before he continued. "Then the Kyuubi came, while I was on a mission, and sensei did what he always did. He saved the day, just this time, he didn't walk away."

"… Y-y-you… you were trained by… by…. The Fourth?" Naruto could see a brief flash of something in Kakashi's eye, something gone too quickly for him to identify as the man gave a slow nod of his head.

"Yes, Minato-sensei… He was a good man." Kakashi settled on that as he looked off in to the distance. "I wish I would have been back in time… Maybe he would have told me what he was planning and I could have taken his place."

"But… Then…" Naruto spoke up, his eyes wide and fearful as he stared at the silver haired man, unable to quite fathom a world like that.

"Then maybe you would have been seen like a hero, like he wanted." Kakashi took a slow deep breath, letting the air whisper silently to his ear one extra bit, 'And you would have known what it was like to have a family.'

"Would you… Would you tell me what he was like?" Naruto asked, his eyes shining hopefully.

For a moment, Kakashi wanted to fall down to his knees and grasp the boy in his arms, wanted to spill the secrets that had been hidden from him his whole life, and tell him about Minato Namikaze as he should. As a man, telling a boy about his father. Instead, he forced a smile onto his face and nodded his head. "Sure, Naruto. I'd like that."

-o-o-o-

The frightened hiss of drawn steel sent Kakashi's eye flying open, wide and alert as he shifted in place, a kunai suddenly in hand. With the motions, softer than a whisper he was up, on the move as his single eye peered out into the room as the shadows slowly faltered against the rising touch of dawn. Before him, under the light of the cresting sun, the man caught glimpse of something he wasn't sure quite what to make of.

Naruto, sat there, a beaten, weathered scabbard set across his lap as he held in his hand a sword, a katana that had seen better days. Knicks and scratches covered it's length, it's edge, blunted and dulled, with a chip, broken off from it's tip. Once upon a time, perhaps it had been a grand, fearful blade, but now, it had fallen into a beaten mockery of everything it had once stood for.

"Naruto." Kakashi's voice rose softly into the air as he stood there, watching the boy looking so angrily at the sword in his hand. No, not anger he realized as he saw the way the slight crest of tears rimmed at the boy's eyes. "You're up early."

"Yeah... I couldn't really sleep." Naruto's thumb shifted down, lightly stroking over the maker's sign, over the sword's name stamped so carefully onto the blade, but weathered and worn to where it had almost seemed forgotten. "Guess there was too much on my mind."

"Where did you get the sword?" A soft note of curiosity entered into the man's voice as he glanced again for a moment at the blade the boy's eyes never left, the way they seemed lost, solemn, and pained all at once.

"Was one of the ones those thugs stuck into Zabuza." There was a slight little bit of a chuckle on his lips as he spoke, as if he'd told a joke, before he stared at the mark again for a long, long moment. "Did you know, there was a time, when I was a lot younger, that I wanted to be a swordsman?" Naruto offered the man a soft, bitter little grin for a moment, as he held the blade up, his grip too strong, too firm as he shifted it about in his hand. "Before I dove into my dream of being Hokage."

"Well, if you want to learn kenjutsu, I..." Kakashi began to offer as his thoughts turned to his father's sword, before Naruto cut him off.

"Nah. It was just a passing little idea of mine." Naruto grinned, softly, a warmer smile that seemed to light up his features just a bit. "But, you know how I get when something interests me. After a while, I got more interested in how they were made." He paused a moment again, before shaking his head. "Do you know much about swords, Kakashi-sensei?"

"A bit," the man admitted softly as he looked down at his student, curious where he was going with this before suddenly he snatched the awkwardly thrown sword out of the air as his student so casually tossed it to him. "Mah, you should be more careful with weapons, Naruto."

"Recognize that mark, Kakashi-sensei?" The blonde boy grinned slightly, a mischievous flash in his eyes as he lightly shifted just a bit holding up the plain, weathered sheath as he slowly bounced to his feet.

Frowning a moment, the man turned the blade about, studying the mark so carefully lain on its length, before his eye widened in shock. "Naruto... This... This has to be a fake."

"Nah, not a fake." The boy responded with a shake of his head as he lightly moved, almost like a ghost over to Kakashi, his foot steps silent to the jounin's ears as he carefully took it again out of the man's hands. "It's real. I think Zabuza woulda liked to have ended on one of these." Naruto slowly held the blade up in his hands, before he pushed it down into the waiting sheath as he offered another, ghost of a smile at his sensei.

"Perhaps not one like that." Kakashi's voice was soft as he watched the blade sink so easily into the sheath, it's dull, almost broken length catching the light only for an instant in a dull, warm glow that seemed thankful. "What're you going to do with it?"

"It's ruined." Naruto responded back with a soft bitter tone to his voice. "It's past the point where it could be repaired." For a moment, he lifted it up, holding it in one hand as he stared quietly at its tarnished, sullied appearance. "I came close to just breaking it and having someone melt it down, so it could forget the way it's been abused."

"Why didn't you?" Kakashi allowed a tremor of real emotion to sink into his voice as he stared down at the blade, still struggling to wrap his mind around to, to match this dirty, ruined sword to the same one he'd seen only once in the Third Hokage's possession.

"Because, I realized if I did that, I'd be no better than Gato." Naruto's voice suddenly grew thick, his throat contracting, pulling tightly on itself as his fingers tightened more firmly upon the tattered grip. "If I did, I'd be just like who I thought Zabuza was, who Zabuza thought he was himself until the end." Holding up that blade, Naruto clenched his fingers tightly upon its sheath as he let his words fall thick past his lips. "So... I'm going to keep it, and I'm never going to forget what I learned here."

"Naruto...?" The boy's instructor was at a loss for a moment, as he watched the full depth of emotion shining through those glistening blue eyes.

"You can have the best weapon in the world, a true masterpiece, a work of art, a treasure to be cherished." The words drew quietly past those lips, as the whisker faced boy stared down at the sheathed length of the sword in hand. "But, if you don't care for it, if you don't cherish it, if you don't nurture it. If you don't love it... In the end, all you're left with is a piece of trash, waiting to fail you."

Slowly, a smile curled onto the man's lips as he nodded to the boy as he reached down, lightly ruffling his hair with a gentle playfulness. "That's an important lesson to learn, Naruto. Just remember, treasure what you have. Honor it, protect it. Otherwise, you can end up with nothing but an empty life, haunted by what could have been."

"Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto stared up at the wistful longing in Kakashi's eyes as he lightly tightened his grip on his prize as he struggled to understand just what it was his teacher meant.

"Just reminiscing, Naruto... It's something I hope you never come to understand." Kakashi responded simply before smiling again at the boy. "How about we go check and see how Sasuke's doing?"

Kakashi's smile widened just a bit as the sudden shifting escape of feet quietly padding away reached his ears while Naruto nodded his head eagerly in ignorance. Time enough to teach the boy to be more aware of his surroundings. For now, perhaps Naruto could finally help healing the wound Itachi had left on Sasuke's heart.

-o-o-o-

Sasuke rested his chin against his knees as he stared out across the rippling sea shimmering with sparkling


	20. Bleach: A Hollow's Kitten

A Hollow's Kitten

Disclaimer: Bleach belongs to Tite Kubo.

Author's Notes: Possible idea I might play with, as a whole, I like the way the Bleach series is done too much to be really inspired to play around with it.

Yoruichi stared down at the mask in her hand and frowned slightly, a touch of uncertainty as it almost seemed to pulse in her hand, still warm from the heat of Ichigo's body. Pure bone white, save for the stripes of crimson that flowed vertically downwards. A hollow's mask.

Yet, Ichigo was still, quite obviously a shinigami. A tugging little thought wormed its way through her conscious as she shuddered slightly as a thought raced through her mind. Vizard. It couldn't be, it shouldn't be.

But still, the evidence was there in her hand. So warm, as it called to her, like a whisper in her ear. She knew, more than anything that she shouldn't have anything to do with it. That she should throw it away just as the shinigami from the Fourth division had done according to Ichigo.

But still, curiosity called her. There was so much about Ichigo that defied possibility, could it be? Finally, curiosity won against her better judgement, and the warm mask was lifted up, until she could feel it, pressed against the warm flesh of her cheeks.

"… You know what they say about curiosity and the cat, don't you kitten?" The voice was warm, teasing, almost taunting in her ear in a familiar tone.

Whirling, instinctively around, Yoruichi cursed softly under her breath as she found herself face to face with an Ichigo that wasn't. All around her the world had changed, suddenly without her even noticing as she found herself standing on the cool, smooth glass of a window. As she stood there on that side ways world, she jumped, backwards, putting some distance between herself and the amused figure in front of her as she took a moment to study it.

His skin and hair was a pure, alabaster white as he was dressed in the inverse of the typical shinigami robe. The white outer robe allowed a hint of black beneath it, while blending easily against the color of his skin. On his back, Zangetsu, in inverse just as the robe he wore stood, its cloth tassel black as it fluttered lightly in the cool wind that caressed across their bodies. But it was his eyes that drew her in.

Eyes that danced with a playful, almost feral glint of mischief and hunger. Irises, the same hue the Ichigo she knew watched her, set on a sea of black. A stark, heavy contrast that drew her attention back to them every time her gaze began to wander.

"Who are you?" Her own eyes narrowed as she watched the creature in the form of the boy smirk back as her before shrugging slightly as he lightly swept his tongue across his lips for a moment.

"Me? Well, right now I don't have a name." It fell so nonchalantly from his lips as he began to casually strut forward towards her. "But surely, that's not the question you really wanted to ask… You came to me, remember?"

"What are you?" She crouched backwards as her body grew tensed; eyes flashing as a growling hiss almost began to erupt from the depths of her throat while she watched the figure suddenly shift his direction, beginning to slowly stalk around her, lips drawn back into that feral grin.

"No, that's not it either." A whispered breath rippling through the air as it left his lips, soft, almost hoarse as it cut through the air, leaving her almost able to imagine its heat pressing against her skin once more.

"Oh, you want to play it that way then, hmmm?" Yoruichi smirked back at the creature, as she shifted herself, each time he moved, always keeping him in sight, always ready to move. "Sure you want to play cat and mouse with a cat, little hollow?"

"Mmm, now there's a question, little kitten." He chuckled a moment as he lightly shook his head and canted it to the side. "Not the one you really want to ask, but much, much more amusing than the others… But, am I really a hollow, hmmm? Am I the mouse in this little game, hmmm?"

"Well, I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I just couldn't be the mouse." Yoruichi countered as she stretched out just a bit. "Cheese just doesn't agree with me. I rather like the way I've kept my shape, thanks."

"What, little kitten, afraid I might just… Eat you up hmmm?" A tongue darted out for a moment, a chuckle following a moment later as the wet length of flesh teased across those pale lips. "Mmm… maybe I should have a taste, and see hmm?"

"You're definitely not Ichigo, that much is certain." Yoruichi noted as she shifted again, always keeping her eyes on the slightly hunched, predatory figure slowly stalking a circle around her.

"So sure, are you, little kitten?" He grinned again, even wider then as he paused, suddenly shifting as his hand strayed back, gripping hold of his blade for a moment. "Because, you could just be very wrong…" Suddenly, everything seemed to shift, and she was pressed back against his chest, against his warmth as his lips hovered above her ear while she could feel the contact of his nail lightly dragging against her neck. "I could be what Ichigo really is, without all those fears, all those doubts… When he stops struggling against what he thinks and embraces what he knows."

She had frozen at the shift, the contact, the shivering spike that his breath and touch sent shivering down her spine, before she suddenly made as if to dance away when the world shifted all over again, and he was again standing there in front of her, several feet away. As her fingers slipped up, she rubbed, unconsciously against her neck where he'd touched her, even as her eyes narrowed into golden slits. "A hollow then after all."

"Really now, little kitten?" He laughed slowly, wickedly as his eyes danced with that warm, pulsing hunger. "Am I trying to devour you hmmm? Am I trying to gobble you up?" The figure paused a moment, his eyes shifting as a predatory leer smirked across his features. "Well, at least not in that way." He shook his head, suddenly barking off a laugh as he casually brought his blade forward, stabbing it down onto the 'ground' and resting against it. "I hunger... just not for souls."

"Joy, I get to deal with the first hollow more interested in sex than devouring souls." Yoruichi shot back as she lightly rolled her eyes, masking her unease with amusement. "Sorry to disappoint, but not going to happen."

"Mmm sex, battle…" He shrugged slightly as shifted lazily around. "The thrill of the hunt… testing yourself against someone, blade to blade, fist to fist, body to body. A bit of pleasure, a bit of pain.. Mingling, aching through you. That pounding, shuddering sensation that makes you feel so alive!" He laughed then, a wild thing filled with another, shining glint of hunger. "Come now kitten, you can't tell me you haven't felt it!"

"No thanks." Yoruichi none-the less shivered heavily as she felt her eyes fall away from his, a slight flush slipping across her skin as she shifted carefully once more, still keeping her attention on the white figure. "Sorry, kid, but if you think I'm going to be going along with your little fantasies, you've got another thing coming."

"Mmm my my my… What's this I smell?" He chuckled softly as he inhaled, drawing in a deep breath before grinning as he continued. "Fear, hmmm? Desire too, but mostly just fear." Lightly he drew his finger up to his chin, tapping away at it in consideration. "But, fear of what I wonder, hmmm?"

"I think you need to get your nose checked, brat." Yoruichi countered as she settled back, eying the grinning figure in front of her as she glanced around studying their surroundings carefully.

"Heh, who knows?" The figure laughed again then his dark eyes half lidded as he lazily shifted the blade he rested against before lightly running a finger along the razor sharp edge. "Well, perhaps that little whispering part deep inside of you… I wonder…" The being wearing Ichigo's face paused a moment, rubbing his chin before he grinned wickedly back at her. "Am I unique? Or, is there one like me in every little shinigami?"

As he laughed again, Yoruichi took another step back for a moment, before she narrowed her eyes and slipped into a careful stance.


	21. BtVS On a Hellmouth Chained

Slowly cracking open an eye, Alexander 'Xander' Harris fought back a groan of pain as he slowly forced himself up, the tattered fragments of a dream slipping away like they always did, leaving him with a familiar sense of loss. Shaking his head, he fought down the simple longing that bit at him every day with the strength of almost two decades worth of practice. With a slow, deep breath, he drew himself from his sheets and prepared to face another day.

For a moment, his mind drew back to a matter of weeks earlier when he'd sat across a bomb from a zombified bully, and watched as the undead teen had been the first to blink. Shaking his head he none the less allowed his mind to drift back to the sudden, almost violating way he'd lost his virginity to the dark haired Bostonian Slayer, Faith. Used and then kicked out on his naked ass in fact.

A slight twinge pulsed across his features, and for a moment, he could feel a white hot pulse of emotion try to force its way through the coat of humiliation and shame that he always seemed to wear. It was becoming rarer and rarer for those moments, those flare ups of defiance to rear their head. Thicker and thicker as time passed, as if his courage, his strength was being stolen away. Not that he really thought he had much to begin with.

Shaking his head again, the boy sighed slightly before he stretched out just a bit, his body rippling lightly before he grabbed a wrinkled shirt hanging off his dresser and gave it an experimental sniff. Nodding in acceptance as it didn't smell of sweat, blood and dust, he slide it on before going to work pulling on a relatively fresh pair of boxers. Moment's later, pants and socks followed suit.

Grunting softly before he shook his head, the boy found his shoes a moment later, then, after securing his keys and wallet, grabbed hold of his back pack. The familiar weight felt heavier and heavier each and every day. A part of him, unable to help but growl at how it made him feel like nothing but a trained monkey, an odd phrase really but it none the less surged through his mind.

Once more he made to shake his head, his eyes travelling around the room, before with a quiet grunt he rose up and made his way to school

-o-o-o-

Something was tugging at his senses as soon as he walked near the library, a slight purse of his lips as he watched Buffy Summers making her way towards it a slight bit more bounce in her step than normal. A smile lightly slipping across his lips, he nodded in her direction, even as he felt the tug growing even stronger. "Hey, ready for the wonders of Mrs. Taggart's chemistry test?"

"Huh?" Buffy blinked a moment before her eyes widened in realization before groaning just a bit. "Oh man, I completely forgot about it!" Suddenly, her expression shifted, melting into a kind of bubbly giddiness. "Faith and I were busy recovering this amulet for the new Watcher from this group of vampires with swords down in the sewers. Man, it was so intense!"

"Vampires with swords?" Xander couldn't help but make a face at that as he shook his head after twitching slightly at the mention of the dark haired Slayer. "As if regular, toss Xander into the wall, onto gravestones, into tries vampires weren't bad enough, now we have vampires with swords? Eesh. Get the amulet at least?"

"Yup! It was just… so amazing!" Buffy grinned, a broad, almost giggling grin as she held up the glittering object that immediately caught Xander's eye. "It was like I was in this zone, it was absolutely incredible!"

"Ah, I see…" His head nodding absently, Xander reached out, lifting up the amulet in his hand from where it dangled from its chain in Buffy's grip. The instant his fingers came into contact with it's surface, a sudden, swelling rush washed through him, a churning charge of magic that made him swoon slightly for an instant before immediately righting himself to stare up into the concerned eyes of the Slayer.

"Xander! You, ok?" Buffy had immediately moved to catch him, supporting her friend with her strength as he shook his head as if to clear cobwebs away.

"Ugh, yeah, sorry." He could feel it, something shifting, changing inside of him. No, not changing, more like unlocking as he straightened himself up. "Just felt a bit dizzy for a moment there. Guess my lack of sleep lately is catching up to me."

"You sure? Don't push yourself too much, ok?" Putting on her best smile, Buffy lifted up the amulet again. "I've gotta go deal with the new guy, see you in class?"

"Yeah, see you there," Xander agreed quickly as he fought back against swaying until after she'd slipped into the library.

Shaking his head again, he couldn't help but frown as everything seemed to be slowly coming into focus around him. A frown marring his features, he quietly navigated the halls more on instinct than anything, as he tried to put his finger on exactly what had just happened. There had been magic involved, that much he was certain of, but for some reason that didn't bother him in the slightest. In fact, it was almost as if there was some kind of smug satisfaction pulsing through him at the knowledge.

Eyes narrowing, he couldn't stop the smile that fought back against his frown at the thought. Freedom. He wasn't sure why he felt that way, but he did. For some reason, for the first time in he wasn't sure how long, he felt free.

The grin growing into a smirk, for the first time that he could remember that thick coat of shame and helplessness seemed to melt away. The feelings of inadequacy, of worthlessness just seemed to have vanished entirely as he would slowly glance around the hallway as if seeing it for the first time. For a moment, a brief moment he considered that he could be under the effect of some kind of spell or possession, but it just as quickly fell by the wayside as he felt himself chuckle softly. It simply felt too natural, too 'right' as it were.

Grinning wider he couldn't help but chuckle as he slid down at the table across from Willow and offered the girl an amused looking smirk.

Blinking in surprising, the girl studied her friend for a moment, before biting her lower lip nervously. "… Xander?"

"The one and only," the boy agreed, still holding that smug smirk on his lips as he lightly threaded his fingers together across his chest. "In all my twinkie-less goodness."

"You seem…" The girl paused a moment, her nose scrunching up as her brow furrowed in consideration. "You feel, different."

"Why yes, I do." Pausing a moment, a sudden twinkle in his eyes spoke volumes as he continued. "But, how did you know that? Did you do some sorta mojo groping of me I don't remember?"

"Xander!" Immediately the girl blushed brightly and glared down at the table in front of him, refusing to meet his eyes. "I thought we weren't talking about stuff like that?"

"Eh, I'm still trying to figure out how I lost such complete and utter control of myself." Xander shrugged slightly as he managed a slight frown, before he couldn't help but mutter something under his breath Willow couldn't quite understand.

She frowned slightly as she looked back up her friend's face and paused a moment before she asked. "What was that last bit? It… didn't sound like English."

"Probably wasn't." Xander waved his hand slightly and dismissively. "Roughly translated to 'hairy piece of snake born filth.'"

"Roughly?" There was a slight little grin that almost threatened to curl onto her lips, even as a frown fought hard to remain in place.

"It loses something in the translation."

"…How do you even know it?" There was a slight frowning demand in the girl's voice as she stared at her oldest, living, friend.

"Remember Halloween?" The amused smirk remained on the boy's lips as he leaned back in his chair and lightly let his eyes fall closed.

"Oh… Oh! But… I thought those memories were faded?" Willow responded back, a tensed wariness suddenly coiling in her body.

"Today, my memory seems to be better than it's been in a while, Wills." That amused, boyish grin curled upon his lips once more, seemingly more innocent that it had been in a while as before he cracked an eye open and gave her an almost patronizing look. "What, afraid I'm suddenly going to start going mascot hunting again?"

"Well, you're not acting very, well, Xander-like!" Willow countered even as she narrowed her eyes at him.

"Actually, I'm acting very Xander-like." He countered with a smirk as he watched her still with only one eye on her. "Just, not the bumbling goof Xander-like."

"Hey." Buffy sent the pair a grin as she settled down onto the seat in the table in front of them. "What's the what?"

"Xander's possessed again!" Willow immediately blurted out as she pointed at the boy next to her who immediately rolled his visible eye on response to her words.

"Again?" Buffy let out a slightly annoyed sigh. "What's with Xander and possession?"

"It was a curse." Xander responded simply as he opened his second eye and gave Buffy a smirk. "And I'm NOT possessed, thank you."

"You do realize that's exactly what a possessed person would say, right?" the blonde Slayer countered with a slight look of amusement on her face.

"Exactly what a person who wasn't possessed would say too." Xander immediately pointed out as he continued to smirk smugly back at her. "But, seriously, I am not under the influence of any outside forces. Completely possession free here."

"You are giving a very big bad in hiding kinda smirk here, he who calls himself Xander." Buffy pointed out as she crossed her arms lightly about her chest.

"Who said I was hiding?" The boy countered again with that smug little smirk as his eyes almost seemed to twinkle with amusement as he looked down at her almost like he was addressing a child. "Of course, who said I was a big bad either?"

"Uh huh. Giles. Now," Buffy said in a matter-of-fact tone of voice. "And bring back a note that says you're possession free."

"Heh, and when he gives me the clean bill of spiritual health?" Xander smirked again, even as he stood up without protests. "I take my apologies in twinkies and lap dances."

"See!? Totally un-Xander-like!" Willow spoke up again, before crossing her arms about her chest. "I'm going with you, to make sure that you go!"

"And more and more I agree with Willow." Buffy agreed, even as she fought down a slight blush at the subtle barb reminded her of the previous school year.

"Well, since Willow's volunteering to skip out on a test, it must be serious," Xander agreed with a mock solemn nod of his head while standing up and waggling his eyebrows at the suddenly wide eyed Willow. "Shall we then?"

"The test! But… I… err…" Willow's eyes flicked from Xander to the still seated Mrs. Taggart. "I mean, that is…"

"The test will still be here when we get back, you know," the boy noted casually as he lightly buffed his nails and started to walk off, casting a look over his shoulder. "Coming?"

"I… err…" Suddenly, her face hardened into a look of resolve as she gave a sharp nod of her head and quickly following after the boy as Buffy struggled to keep the amusement off her face.

-o-o-o-

"G-man!" Xander called out as he strode into the library, his eyes twinkling with a look of anticipation on his face.

"… Aren't you supposed to be in class, Xander?" Rupert Giles looked up from his books, with a frowning Wesley Wyndam-Pryce standing next to him.

"What, no infernal nickname complaints?" There was a look of disappointment flashing visibly across his face as he flopped down onto a chair, revealing a frowning and nervous Willow behind him. "Willow here has managed to convince Buffy that I'm possessed again. I told her I'm not, but she doesn't quite believe me."

"He's acting very un-Xander-like," Willow clarified as she crossed her arms about her chest and nodded fiercely.

"Well, of course one can't simply take the, ah, word of someone that they aren't, well, possessed." Wesley spoke up quickly as he studied the boy carefully. "And… Possessed AGAIN?"

"Would be numero tres." Xander clarified with a yawn and a shrug as he settled down into a chair with a lazy stretch. "So, got something to make with the mojo to prove to the girls that I am still of the Xanderness? Oh, and I take it that he's the scab?"

As Xander gestured towards a suddenly sputtering Wesley, Giles lightly quirked a lip in subdued amusement. "Quite. Fortunately, due to the sheer number of possessions that seem to be going about…"

"Buffy's at least tied my record." Xander added quickly with another smug smirk directed towards a blushing and even more slightly annoyed looking Willow.

"See? He's acting more like Cordelia than Xander!" Willow pointed out with an audible grumble.

"Really?" Xander blinked slightly before looking back at Giles. "Did someone dress me like a hooker when I wasn't looking? Because, seriously, I don't have the legs to pull off one of her skirts."

"Giles!" Willow whined slightly pointedly as she suddenly shifted to her resolve face. "Possession?"

"Right." Giles shrugged a moment, before tossing a familiar white orb at Xander. "Catch."

With a brow arched up, Xander plucked the orb out of the air then held it up for all to see. "… And this proves what, other than I can see why you never offer to teach us how to play cricket?"

"Well, as much as I will admit he is apparently acting out of character, he is not possessed." Giles pulled out a handkerchief and started to quickly rub at his glasses. "Which leads to the question of him being under the influence of a spell…"

"Or, him suddenly NOT being under the influence of a curse." Xander supplied with a snicker before suddenly standing up, knowledge flowing so easily through his mind as he strode over to Wesley and without much preamble, his hand shot forward, darting into the man's vest to pluck out the amulet Buffy had given him. "Tell me, oh replacement Watcher, do you know what this is?"

"Now see here! Give that back to me, at once!" Wesley blustered as the boy held the amulet up for everyone to see as he rolled his eyes, and kept the amulet out of the man's reach, a look of condescending expectation on his fact before the flustered man responded. "That's amulet of what was once a rather powerful, now dead demon, that contains a portion of his power!"

"Ooh, wrong on so many levels!" Xander shook his head as he lightly started to twirl the amulet about on its chain. "First off, Balthazar? Not so dead. Second, amulet's not his. Third, it contains power, just nothing of his."

"And how, exactly do you know this, Xander?" Giles ventured, even as he began to inch towards a crossbow.

"Ah ah ah! You're missing the most important question!" Xander chided the man, a smirk on his lips as memories continued to flow through him. "But, since you won't play along and ask, I guess I'll just have to answer it anyway. This, my dear, nervous humans, is a key."

That actually brought Giles up short as he stared carefully at the boy. "A… Key?"

"Yup!" Xander agreed as he lightly continued to twirl the relic about on its chain. "You see, it's used to both create and lock a curse, and unlock it. You know, like the curse cast on, oh, say… The Master? Or, Balthazar? Or, really, if one wants to be honest, on me?"

"You're claiming you were under a curse…?" Wesley spoke up, sniffing audibly as he stared at the boy. "And do tell, how long were you under this supposed curse?"

"A little over 18 years." Xander responded with a smirk that grew even wider as he saw the almost audible click in Giles' eyes.

"Oh… oh dear…" Giles took a slow, deep breath as he stared at the boy. "But.. but… Buffy found the amulet in a tomb!"

"Yes, handy places to hide things around here, aren't they?" Xander agreed with another, smug grin. "And go ahead and ask the question you're almost dying to ask, G-man."

"What are you?"

As Xander's grin grew feral, Willow interrupted, her voice almost panicked as she stared at the man with wide, disbelieving eyes. "What…? Giles! It's Xander! You know, human, goofy, twinkie loving Xander! Right? I mean, he… he's just under a spell, right?!"

His eye twitching slightly, the grin vanished from Xander's face as he drew a pensive expression and muttered under his breath, before gesturing at Willow who immediately slumped back, her eyes glazed over. "Panicky Willow is never of the good, right, G-man?"

"You haven't answered my question." Giles responded, making no move to hide his acquisition of his crossbow, now leveled at the boy's chest. "And what've you done to Willow?"

"The girl really should work on her resistance to mind magics," Xander stated with an almost bored tone before he addressed the girl. "Now, Willow, you brought me here, Giles checked me out and didn't find any kind of possession, remember?"

"Yes…" There was a distant quality to the girl's voice her eyes staring off blankly into the distance.

"And then you wanted Giles to check to see if there was any kind of magic, effecting how I act, isn't that right."

"Uh huh…"

"Since I'm in Giles care, you can go back to class, you have a test, remember? You were so nervous about it, you imagined a whole bit about saying that I'm not human."

"I… did?" Willow's brow furrowed slightly as suddenly deep in thought.

"Of course you did." Xander responded soothingly as he watched her. "After all, there's no way that could be true, now is there?"

"… No, of course not." Willow agreed, her voice still distant as she nodded her head in agreement.

"Indeed. Now, since Giles is going to check me out in greater detail, you're going to get back to class so you can take your test. You want to take your test, now don't you?" The boy continued leadingly a smirking smile still on his lips as he watched the way Giles frowned slightly while Wesley stared at him in absolute shock.

"Yes… back to class… to take my test…" Willow agreed before standing up, and slowly, woodenly starting towards the door, each step, her steps growing more and more fluid as she seemed to wake up from the spell he'd cast on her. Casting a worried look over her shoulder as she reached the door, she quickly called back to Giles. "You'll make sure he's all right, right, Giles?"

"Ah, um, yes, quite." The still frowning librarian agreed before Willow sent Xander a tentative smile then slipped through the library doors.

As the pair of Brits stared at the slowly closing door, they failed to notice that Xander was once more muttering under his breath, gestures forming as the air seemed to crackle with energy. Alerted by the sudden rising of hairs on the back of his neck, Giles turned his head just in time to see the wink Xander sent his way before the boy's hands suddenly glowed brightly. Alerted by the older man's sudden motions, Wesley turned his head just in time to catch a blast of light blue energy impacting against his face, before the world went dark and he crumpled to the floor.

"Ah, there we go, now we can have ourselves a chat in private." Xander chuckled at bit at the flabbergast expression on Giles' face as the boy lightly propped his feet up on the table. "What? You think I was going to let that little idiot hear what I am? He's go blathering to Travers and the rest of those Council idiots first thing he could."

"When he wakes up, what do you think will be the first think he does?" Giles responded with a frown as he glared at the boy his arms crossed about his chest.

"Wonder why he fainted an hour ago?" Xander offered with an oh so innocent smile on his lips.

"… An hour ago?" Giles blinked slightly at that as he stared back at the boy. "But... That's incredibly advanced magic… Should I even call you Xander anymore?"

"Eh, I've gotten used to it." The 'boy' shrugged a bit with a slight smirk. "Come on, G-man! I've given you plenty of little hints! Can't you figure it out?"

"Xander, there are literally HUNDREDS of types of different beings that you could be." Giles responded as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "Arrogance and powerful magic tend to go hand in hand."

"It's only arrogance if you can't back it up." Xander countered with another smug smirk.

"Who was the one that was under a curse again?" The words snapped past the British man's lips with a bit of a Ripper smirk behind them as he crossed his arms about his chest.

"There were extenuating circumstances with that!" The glare Xander sent back at the man actually caused the former Watcher to take a step backwards in retreat at the pure menace the boy managed to exude. "Extremely extenuating circumstances!"

"I'm... sure." Giles quickly agreed, his hands held up in a placating gesture.


	22. Naruto: Practically Family

Practically Family

Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Kishimoto

Notes: Just a silly little ficlet I needed to get out of my system.

"… Naruto, what are you doing with my sister?" The dull monotone make the blonde shinobi freeze immediately before he slowly turned his head to behold a familiar pair of dull, jade eyes.

"Oh, hey, Gaara." Naruto waved slightly from underneath the sheets, before blinking slightly. "Huh, is it seven already?"

"… I decided to come home early." Was the simple response as the young Kazekage tilted his head to the side. "And again, what're you doing with my sister?"

"Well, I did think it would be kinda obvious." Naruto grinned sheepishly as he could feel the older girl tensing at his side. "You're aware that you can be a bit… intimidating, yes?"

"Grown shinobi nearly wetting themselves when I frown has led me to this conclusion, yes." Gaara tilted his head a bit more to the side. "What exactly does this have to do with why you're in bed with my sister?"

"Because, he's the only guy I know that's willing to?" Temari spoke up as she lightly clung against Naruto's side. "Do you know how IMPOSSIBLE it is for me to get a date with you as my brother?"

"… No." Gaara admitted in his simple flat tone before glancing back at a sheepishly grinning Naruto. "Aren't you supposed to be on a training mission with Jiraiya?"

"Ayup." Naruto agreed with a firm nod of his head. "I just slip away every few months to visit Temari-chan."

"Haven't you noticed those days I'm so much more relaxed?" Temari asked as she glanced curiously at her youngest brother.

"I simply thought you'd killed one of the perverts that tried to peep on you." A shrug again before he frowned once more, before staring into Naruto's eyes looking… hurt. "All those visits, and you didn't come and say hello?"

"Well, it's more that Temari-chan tends to grab me as soon as I step foot in Suna, and doesn't let me leave the bedroom until it's time for me to go." Naruto paused a moment, lightly tapping his lower lip, before lightly offering up a stage whisper to Gaara. "She doesn't like to share."

"I AM right here you know." Temari huffed slightly and grumbled just a bit. "And I'm having to have Naruto stuff something in my mouth to keep me quiet."

"She's very... vocal." Naruto offered up with a sheepish shrug of his shoulder as he caught Gaara's questioning look.

"... Of that I am aware." Turning his head Gaara locked his eyes onto his sister and frowned as he crossed his arms about his chest. "You will cease your monopoly of Naruto's time in Suna."

"Like hell I will! With all the stupidity I have to put up with?! I NEED my Naruto time!" Temari growled back as she glared at her youngest brother defiantly.

"... Naruto, are orders from your Kage usually ignored in your village?" Gaara tilted his head slightly in curiosity as he glanced at the blue eyed shinobi in bed with his sister.

"I think it's less of an ignoring what her Kage is telling her, more of an ignoring what her little brother is telling her situation." Naruto offered carefully as he glanced between Temari and Gaara, wincing slightly as the tension in the room immediately started to rise. "Um, I don't suppose I could offer..."

"No." The stereo response immediately shut him up as he carefully shrank back into the covers and started to nudge himself to the edge of the bed.

"The Kazekage has NO say in what I do with my personal life!"

"All affairs involving ninja, especially foreign ninja fall under my jurisdiction."

"Like hell! Konoha is an ally and you sure as hell know that they're not going to break the treaty, and you know that you're not going to!"

"I fail to see the relevance of your point."

Naruto winced slightly before quietly sneaking off the bed, slipping on his boxers and pants as he went before scurrying out of the room as fast as he could. A moment later, he found himself down the hall and in the kitchen, letting off a slight wince as the rising volume of the eldest and youngest of the three siblings' voices reached his ears. For a moment, he considered going back, if only to make doubly sure that Gaara didn't kill Temari, before he heard another familiar voice speak up.

"So, Gaara finally found out about your little... visits?" Kankuro looked up from where he was eating a bowl of ramen and arched a paint free eyebrow at Naruto.

"Yup." Naruto flopped down into the chair across from the older teen and winced as he heard something break in the distance. "Apparently Gaara's upset because I didn't visit him as well."

"Well, you are the closest thing he has to a best friend." Kankuro noted as he took another bite of his noodles. "And you are the only guy that can get away with sleeping with my sister."

"You are okay with that, right?" Naruto paused as he suddenly remembered exactly what Kankuro's specialty was. "I don't need to worry about any... accidents, do I?"

"... I'm the sane one, remember?" Kankuro gave the blonde teen a flat look. "Do I look dumb enough to try anything with Gaara's best friend and Temari's boyfriend?"

"Well, just, uh, ya know, checking." Naruto scratched the back of his head and chuckled nervously. "It doesn't bother you, does it?"

"Meh, you're practically family." The boy waved off the blonde's nervousness before his eyes suddenly hardened. "Though, if you make me an uncle any time soon, I WILL be a bit upset."

"Err... Noted." Naruto quickly nodded his head, ducking his chin before he froze. "Um... do you hear that?"

"... No, I don't hear anything." Kankuro paused, his face suddenly very worried as he glanced towards the hallway where he saw both his siblings glaring openly at him. "Oh boy."

"QUIT TRYING TO STEAL MY NARUTO!"

As the blonde in question heard the chorused response, he sent Kankuro a pitying look. "You'll be in my prayers."


	23. HP: Magic Unleashed

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and Co belong not to me.

Notes: Ugh, dammit, this is what I get for reading old stuff done by AJT. An idea and the snippets that came out of it. Borrowing some ideas with permission for some things. May or may not turn this into an actual fic.

-o-o-o-

Drip.

It was the first thing he noticed, the first thing he sensed. The quiet sound of a single drop hitting the black sea in front of him rushed hungrily to his ears. He felt it, the way it seemed to send the same ripples through him that it did the ones smooth as glass surface that seemed to shine like polished onyx.

Fear was the next.

It clutched at his chest, digging deep, tearing into him without remorse or mercy. Everything was darkness and shadow all around him, save for the slightest sliver of a moon, hanging almost invisible over head, and dying against the choking surge of darkness. Thick, oily and viscous as it clung like putrid slime to his body, weighing him down, pulling him into the pool he found himself surrounded in.

Then, the memories came.

Splintered moments at first. A flash of surprise on a familiar face, that changed into the empty gaze of glazed over death. Pain, flashing across his hand. Scales, so many, glistening against the laughter of a boy, twisted by his own selfish hungers.

Then they melted and bled into longer, drawn out moments. Faces, pain, emotions, sensations. Stronger and stronger as the memories came again, and again, assaulting him like nothing he'd ever imagined before. Everything he'd ever endured, everything he'd ever faced, stabbing like the barking report of machine gun fire into the depths of his mind.

_How easily you falter._

The words themselves crashed into him with a glacial disdain as they ground down into him, forcing him to search around, eyes wild, fighting against the onslaught of memories being forced through his mind. And immediately, a new sensation joined them. Anger.

"What in Merlin's name…?!"

_Calling out the name of a dead man will do you no good here, Harry Potter. Crawling in the dark, hiding, crying like the pitiful little creature you are._

He could feel the sneer in the voice as it again, slammed down on him like a crashing wave from all sides as he struggled against his buckling knees. "Who are you?! What do you want?!"

_Want? Do you think a little thing like you could offer me anything, hmmm? No. This isn't about want, not at all._

The words burned into him, an acidic touch of scorn as the thing, whatever it was, spoke. "Then, why the bloody hell am I HERE?!"

_We're dying, foolish little child. That thing, that abomination, has invaded us, forced itself into us, and soon, there will be nothing left._

"We?" That sounded so… different, so off as he paused, the sensations, the darkness, slamming into him again, as he could feel every loss, every pain, every drop of darkness dragging him down, as he could feel an icy chill of weariness clutching stronger and stronger at his limbs. "Dying…?"

_And here you are, standing there, dumbfounded like a gaping little minnow before the serpent's maw. How does it feel, to die as something so insignificant? To end as nothing more than a pawn, a toy, a puppet, a little piece on the board, moved about by every hand but his own?_

Harry paused a moment, before his lips actually twitched just a bit, while a soft, wooden chuckle escaped his lips, as he stared back out into the darkness, for a moment as he let the memories slide off of him. "Am I supposed to know how it feels to be anything else?"

For a moment, there was silence, nothing to answer him back as he could feel another rising surge of those aching, burning memories rising to batter him again. Then, he heard it again, softer now, the tone, a quite mournful thing, like a dirge in the night.

_Yes, you are. You are supposed to be the hand, not the sword. You are supposed to be the Master, not the servant. Yet, here we are trapped and drowning in a pool of filth forced upon us._

"And if that's who I'm supposed to be. What about you?" The words hissed past his lisp as he would narrow his eyes, feeling how they seemed to know, to face, exactly where the voice came from. Knowing, exactly where it was.

_Me? I was supposed to be your salvation. But, you've almost thrown me aside, neglected me, looking at me only when another forced you to, never on your own. I waited for you, Harry Potter. To come to me, to know me, to embrace me. But instead, you were content to fall into the arms of others, letting them guide you, relying on them, and only, oh so rarely on me._

There was a pause, before suddenly, the voice was triumphant, crowing out as it spoke, filling him with a warmth that wrapped around him like almost nothing he'd ever felt before.

_But when you did! Oh, how glorious it was! To run free, to be unleashed, to feel those few, rare moments where you allowed yourself to stand on your own merits, your own strength!_

"...What are you...?" The words again fell past his lips, and in an instant, the warmth fled him, leaving him suddenly cold, so acutely aware of the oily filth clinging to him, dragging him deeper and deeper.

_You should already know._

"Well, I bloody don't!" Again the anger came, as he began to struggle, fighting back against the darkness, against the filth against the cold, slow fall into the shadow. "I've never heard you!"

_I've whispered to you, I've called to you, I've screamed at you, I've cried for you! I've begged you, again and again! But you never listened! I've been there, EVERY moment of your life! I've SAVED you, but you DARE to tell me you don't know me?! That you've NEVER HEARD ME?!_

"I HAVEN'T!" Harry snarled then, his body struggling, fighting back against the muck and filth as he could feel it, suddenly seeming to come alive, fighting back fighting to pull him deeper, to swallow him whole, even as he could feel the defiance building up inside of him. "Don't you think I WANTED someone to talk to?! SOMEONE TO BE THERE?! Someone that would NEVER leave me?! I NEVER HEARD YOU!"

_Well, you can hear me now. What're you going to do about it?_

"Are you going to tell me what you are?!" The boy growled softly, even as he could feel the tension growing, the muck, the filth pulling him deeper, lashing against him, dragging him down. "Or is this just some kind of sick little game to you while you watch me die?!"

_You know what I am. Realize that, and you have a chance to save us both. Light up our darkness, Harry Potter. Stop running from the truth of who you are._

"And what the bloody hell is that?!"

_Why, Hagrid told you the first day you met him. You're a wizard, Harry Potter._

Suddenly, it clicked, and in that instant, the sliver of the moon the waxing light of the moon overhead, froze, before suddenly, the remaining sliver of light fought back against the coming darkness. In an instant, there was no longer the barest sliver of light, as the moon waned visibly before him. And in that instant, she was revealed.

She was beautiful in a way he couldn't put words to. Her hair, falling like a flowing rainbow past her shoulder each strand a different color, as her eyes glowed in an ever shifting sea of hues. For that moment, nothing else seemed to exist, before he finally put his realization to words.

"You're... my magic." Instantly the sinking tug cased, as he could feel it, flowing down retreating from his skin, from his body as he stared into her eyes.

_Indeed. Now... Say my name, and you'll never be alone again._

-o-o-o-

"You've..." The sound of Voldemort's voice, rippling arrogantly past Harry's lips was cut short as his eyes suddenly widened in shock. "No... NO!"

Albus Dumbledore could only stare in shock as Harry suddenly pushed himself up, his eyes burning emeralds once more as he stared defiantly into the Hall of Mysteries around them. Then, the boy's voice spoke up in a firm whisper. "Illuminate my path in shadows, and light my way through the darkness... _Ceridwen_!"

The air rent with a scream as suddenly Voldemort was expelled, violently from the body he'd forced his way into, and from the soul he'd tried so desperately to snuff out. For a moment, as the air quivered before as a dark mist flowed off Harry's body. As the boy slowly came to his feet, his eyes, hard, he stared angrily as it formed into the shocked, outraged face of Voldemort.

"You're a fool, Harry Potter!" The words, hissed past the thing that had once been a man's lips as he glared back at the boy in pure, venomous hatred.

And in that instant, as his wand rose up to strike, the magic pouring out of Harry suddenly cocooned itself around in like a protective shield, before suddenly exploding outwards, blasting the dark wizard backwards off his feet. As he righted himself, his eyes suddenly blurring, the world around him spinning, Voldemort could hear the boy's voice piercing through the air. "No, Voldemort, I'm a wizard."

As his eyes again fell into focus, the Dark Lord could only stare in absolute shock at the boy he'd so effortlessly struck down only moment's before. Little had changed physically, he still bore the scrapes and wounds of battle, but now, a white jacket hung about his shoulders, plain save for the eight colored lines intertwining up his sleeve, red, green, blue, yellow, black, bronze, silver and gold. Behind that jacket, wings of crimson and gold feathers stretched out, almost glowing in the dark lobby of the Ministry, with the boy's wand pointed directly at him.

"And we're not done." A blast golden magic blasted out from his hand, flowing through the wand, filling it until it too almost seemed ready to explode with it's energy, before an eruption of eight balls of glowing, golden light shot out, arching like claws through the air before each of them raced towards Voldemort.

Snarling in fury, the Dark Lord quickly switched through his shields. Batting away, deflecting, or absorbing the powerful spheres of magic. Buckling against the force, the man hissed back in fury even as he rose back to stand tall, proud as his eyes stared back into the boy's. "So it would seem."

"Have you forgotten already, Voldemort?" Harry cocked his head to the side, his eyes burning with magic, before he suddenly slashed his arm, sending a cutting line of blue energy sweeping like a blade, slashing towards the man's head. "You're supposed to bow."

Ducking beneath the blade, Voldemort was forced into a semblance of the pose Harry had described, before rising up, his eyes burning even hotter as he ignored the sounds of the various floo entrances suddenly coming active, spewing out people as he sent a sickly purple blast of light back at Harry in response. "So kind of you to remind me, BOY!"

The tip of the glowing wand rose up, at that last instant, catching against the spell and batting it aside as it crashed into the fountain before he flicked his wand downwards, a spell splashing into the stone floor between them as suddenly pebbles spewed forth, rocketing towards Voldemort. "Always happy to be of service."

A hiss of anger burned through the thin, pale lips as a shield quickly rose up, deflecting the pebbles back at Harry, who merely shielded himself with a wing, before batting the rest of the stones aside.

It was then that a new, trembling voice rose through the air. "He's... He's back... He's HERE!! AURORS!"

As Fudge squealed, Voldemort turned his head, for only an instant, before twisting out of the way of another slashing blue blade of energy from Harry's wand. Growling in frustration, the man's eyes burned back towards the boy. "Another time then, Potter."

"Time that's running out for you, murderer." Harry growled back, even as he watched Voldemort vanish into a cloud of dust, and disperse.

As the rest of the assembled Ministry staff stared in absolute shock, Dumbledore finally found his voice again as he stared back at the boy. "Harry... What happened...?"

"Isn't it obvious, Professor?" Harry grinned, his head cocking slightly to the side. "I found my magic."

-o-o-o-

It wasn't too much later that Harry found himself seated, once more in simply his scuffed up school robes, as he stared around the Headmaster's office. Shoulders shifting slightly, he couldn't shake the way his mind slipped back, remembering the feeling of those great wings weighing back against him and for a moment, he allowed a smile to curl on his lips. Then, the rest of the memories of that night returned, and it faded as if turned to ash on his lips.

Sirius was gone.

Even with the strength he'd gained, he'd still lost another connection he had to his family. Fingers lightly clenched onto his wand, as he felt his eyes screw shut against the sudden rush of sensation as the full impact of the realization hit him. He was one step closer to being alone again.

_Now, now. You'll never be alone again, remember?_

Frozen for only a moment, Harry's eyes had flashed open once more as he could feel the name slipping past his lips. "Ceridwen…?"

_What do you know, you actually DO have some brains you can use on your own._

Harry immediately scowled as he gripped his fingers a bit tighter onto his chair. "Do you have to be such a…" He paused, struggling for the right word as he narrowed his eyes slightly.

_Bitch? No, but I am one, so get used to it._

"Wonderful." The words left his lips with a lame grumble as he slumped back into the seat, his fingers slipping up, rubbing against his temples.

_Isn't it? Ah, and it just felt so GOOD to be let loose like that! And the look on that little parasite's face! _

"… It was nice." Harry admitted quietly before he turned his head off to the side, glancing at Fawkes empty perch as his eyes glazed over slightly, and again his thoughts slipped back towards Sirius.

…_Must we do this now? You've done something that no wizard has done in the better part of a thousand years, and all you're doing is moping like a little child. Is this what he would've wanted, hmmm?_

"I don't know." The words fell with a painful truth as he shrugged slightly, his eyes leaving the perch to where he could see Dumbledore's penseive serenely still on it's stand. "I never got to know him that well."

_Well, at least you're mourning the right thing then._

"The right reasons?"

_Mourning the loss of what you could have had, instead of what you did. To live with someone who cared for you, to have someone to return to. To have a home. _

"Would have been nice." Harry answered quietly as he leaned back in the chair a bit more, letting his eyes begin to close.

"What would have been nice, Harry?" The familiar voice of the Albus Dumbledore broke into the boy's reverie, causing him to sigh slightly as his eyes flashed open once more.

"To have a home. To live with someone who cared for me," Harry answered as he lightly studied the elderly man in front of him. "Professor."

"You know, you do have a home, Harry…" The man began as he gently let his words rise into the air.

"If you put a home for me, in the same breath as living with the Dursleys… you won't like my reaction, _Sir._" There was a pulse in the air that the old man could feel, as Ceridwen offered her silent support of the boy's words, his emerald eyes hard as they burned up past the old man's spectacles.

And the old man's gaze faltered as again, as he had so many times of late, turned his head away, unable to keep Harry's gaze. "I see… I had hoped…"

"I'm not going back there." Harry spoke softly then, filling the air as he continued to watch Dumbledore. "And I'm not going to stop exercising magic this summer."

"Harry, you must understand…" The protest died on his lips as Dumbledore again simple felt that magic pulse, stronger this time, filling the air around them.

"No, Professor, YOU need to understand. She won't hold back, not anymore. She won't play by those rules, she won't let herself be bundled away like she has every year." He paused a moment, his lip twitching slightly towards a grin before he shook his head. "The genie's out of the bottle, and she's not going back."

_Indeed. _

"Harry, I know after what happened tonight, you think you're strong…"

"No, actually I don't." Harry let loose a quiet, bitter chuckle as he slowly shook his head. "I was lucky, and I didn't think. I simply did… I don't even know HOW I did what I did… Which is why I CAN'T just sit around doing nothing magical this summer."

"It's not that simple, Harry..." The man wearily walked behind his desk and slowly slipped down into his chair. "There are... things that you're not aware of."

It was then that Harry noticed the newly reborn Fawkes in Dumbledore's hand, as the man settled the chirruping little phoenix on his desk in front of him. Steeling himself, Harry brought his eyes up to the man and spoke again. "I know. I got Sirius killed because I wasn't aware, because of all the things I didn't know, because of all the things I didn't do. I'm NOT going to let anyone else die because I'm lacking!"

_So you say, so you say. Let's see if you're able to actually live up to that promise, hmmm? Personally, I have my doubts._

"Shut up, Ceri." Harry grunted with a whisper as he shook his head slightly at the taunting voice in his ear as he shifted slightly, ignoring the way Dumbledore's eyebrow rose questioningly as the man spoke again.

"Harry, Sirius' death is not your fault." Quietly the man again spoke up as his eyes turned away, the guilt flashing through them as he released a quiet weary breath. "His death... It is a result of my failings, not yours."

"You aren't the one who lead a bunch of undertrained students into a Death Eater trap." Harry closed his eyes tightly as he shook his head. "Are they...?"

"They're all being seen by Madam Pomfrey, other than young Nymphadora, who is at St. Mungos." Dumbledore managed a quiet little smile at that, his eyes lifting towards Harry's own. "They'll all be fine."

As a sigh of relief escaped his lips, Harry slumped back visibly into his seat. "That's... good." He paused a moment, frowning just a bit before he looked up at Dumbledore, his eyes suddenly dulled over as another thought hit him. "I... I need to talk to Tonks, and her mother. I have to... to apologize, about Sirius."

"Harry, as I said, it was my fault." The man seemed suddenly very much his age, ancient and weary as he slumped down into his chair. "If I had been more open with you about what was going on... If I hadn't trusted that Severus would be able to put aside his... lingering resentment towards your father." A slow, deep breath filled Dumbledore's lungs, before it escaped like a soft a papery rasp. "I know you think very little of him, but..."

"Every time, after every lesson, this..." Harry tapped his finger against the jagged lightning bolt scar atop his head. "Hurt even worse than it did before. Every time he ripped into my mind, tearing through it, ripping into my memories..."

"I should have seen to yours lessons myself, I know." The man murmured the words as he turned his head, staring off into the distance before looking back at the boy. "But, after we knew for certain that there was a connection between your minds... I had to distance myself from you, to make it look to Tom as if you were nothing more than just another student, so he wouldn't try harder and harder to break into your mind."

"And it worked out so brilliantly." He could feel the anger pulsing inside of him, a churning, burning thing as his eyes locked onto the Professor. "All this, all for what? What is so bloody important about a damned glass bauble?!"

"It contained a prophesy." The man spoke with the softest of voices again, before wordlessly he summoned his pensieve, before he would place the tip of his want to his forehead, before pulling the silvery thread of memory from his mind and placing it into the bowl. "One, which pertained to him, and his defeat."

Frowning at the way the man skirted around the issue, Harry turned his head down and stared at the bowl, saying nothing as he frowned and lightly let his gaze trace around it's rim.

_Well, isn't that just as delightfully typical of the man. Leading us around by the nose, having us jump through hoops. Are you just going to go along with it, like a whipped dog, hmm?_

The frown on his face, deepened even further, as he flicked his eyes away from the pensieve to stare back up at the man as his emerald eyes narrowed warily. "A prophesy, which is apparently about me, that you've waited until NOW to tell me about?"

Taken slightly aback, Dumbledore paused, his mouth hung open as for a moment, he was lost for words to answer back. Finally, after sinking even further back into his chair, the man slowly shook his head as he spoke. "I wanted you to have a normal life, to have a childhood, without the kinds of..."

"If you wanted me to have a childhood, you shouldn't have sent me to live with the Dursleys," Harry snapped back as his eyes flashed again, the sudden pulse of anger only heightened by the raw ache of his loss, "In a cupboard under the stairs."

"When your parent's faced Tom, on that Halloween, all those years ago, your mother... She did something absolutely extraordinary." The man paused a moment, again collecting his thoughts before he would slowly, quietly continue. "She gave her life, creating a shield to protect you, through her love, and her blood. Love that was strong enough to reflect Tom's spell back onto him."

"And the point of this is..?" Harry glared slightly back at the man, even as he would cross his arms about his chest.

"As long as you lived with someone with that blood, your mother's blood, that shield remained and you continued to be protected from Tom," Dumbledore answered, even as his eyes slipped to Harry's again. "Your aunt, Petunia."

"That shield is gone, or at least doesn't work anymore." Harry snapped back, as his eyes started to burn from another spark of anger. "Hasn't for a year now. Not since he used my blood in that ritual after..." He paused there, his eyes suddenly screwing shut as he took a slow deep breath to steady himself. "After he had Pettigrew kill Cedric."

Wincing visibly under the tone, and the flow of emotions he could read pouring out of the boy's mind, Dumbledore turned his head again. "I had hoped that it would offer some measure of protection."

_Even if it did, doesn't do anything against what someone else does against us, now does it? Who needs to get their hands dirty when you can have someone else do it for you?_

"What about from the rest of his little followers and people following his orders? According to you, it's supposed to be protection from HIM, and ONLY him." Harry snapped back as he voiced Ceridwen's concerns.

Wordlessly, Dumbledore tapped his wand against the edge of the pensieve and suddenly, a disturbingly familiar distortion of Sibyll Trelawney's voice rose into the air. "_The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches... born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies... and the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not... and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives... the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies..."_

Harry sat there, frozen in shock as he couldn't help but blink slightly as he stared to the quickly dispersing image in front of him.

…_Harry, do remind me to stop tempting fate. Of all the… Still… note it says nothing about killing, maiming or torturing._

"Must you always be so cheerful, Ceri?" Harry growled sarcastically before he turned his head and stared again at the man in front of him. "This is… I was born at the end of July, but…"

"Until that night, all those years ago, it came down to two young boys. Both of whom had parent who defied Tom three times previously and lived. Both of which were born at the end of July. Yourself, and Neville Longbottom." Dumbledore spoke the words softly, quietly, so softly as they left his lips. "And Neville was not marked."

Instinctively his fingers slipped up to touch the scar atop his head before Harry slowly and forcefully fought down the anger that was quickly roaring through his veins. "And… I'm just NOW finding out about all this?"

"Was I supposed to force this on a boy? On a child who had already faced and triumphed over insurmountable odds? To tell you, after you'd faced Tom over the Philospher's stone? The Basilisk and his shade? The dementors for Sirius? The Tournament and his return?" The man let loose a quiet, weary sigh as he shook his head, looking away for a moment. "After all those times, when you were triumphant or in despair?"

"... There was the rest those years in between those events wouldn't have been the perfect time?" Harry stared back at the man, as he struggled again against the burning flash of anger that threatened to erupt through him.

_Well, at least you're learning a bit. _

As Dumbledore's face fell slightly, he turned his head and nodded in quiet acceptance. "There never seemed to be a right time for it. And now... Now I couldn't put it off any longer. I am truly sorry to have to lay this on you, so soon after Sirius..."

"...Where was Sirius when I flooed his home?" Once more the boy slumped back into his seat, rubbing at his temples fighting down the headache that wanted to very much to consume what remained of his mind. "Kreacher..."

"Lied to you." Those three words brought Harry up short as his eyes widened in shock. "Sirius was upstairs, tending to an injury Kreacher himself had given Buckbeak. He both lied to you, and performed the action as the urging of someone he still respected."

"Who." Harry's eyes had gone flat, cold as he locked his eyes onto the old man's and stared back at him.

"Harry... Please, there is little reason to..."

"Who was it, Professor?"

Dumbledore turned his head away, unable to meet the teen's burning eyes as he continued. "Harry, don't start down that path. Do not act out of anger or spite, it can cost you what you value the most."

"I_ need_ to know." Harry took a moment, a deep, firm breath filling his lungs, before he wearily exhaled. "What they took... It wasn't just Sirius. It was everything I'd ever dreamed of having my whole life. Everything I've wanted since as long as I can remember."

_And we will make them pay for it._

"You will not be swayed in this, will you?" There was a resignation in those world weary eyes as the Headmaster quietly nodded his head in unhappy acceptance. "Narcissa Malfoy."

For a moment Harry said nothing, merely sitting there, his eyes closed as he let those thoughts run through his mind for a long, long moment, before finally he released another slow breath and nodded his head. "Thank you, Professor."

_Of course, it would have to be a Malfoy. Well, I suppose we'll need to talk to Nymphadora and her mother, perhaps they can give us a bit of... insight into them._

Wincing reflexively at the use of Tonks' first name, Harry canted his head just a bit in acknowledgment before standing up and nodding to Dumbledore. "If there's nothing else, Professor..."

"Harry... is your magic actually talking to you?" There was a note of questioning wonder in the man's voice as he stared at the boy, who shrugged slightly back at him.

"Well, yes... I get the feeling I'm going to eventually wish I had a way to shut her up though." Harry managed a slight grin as his eyes let go of the pain for just a brief moment.

_Hmph. No need to be rude, Harry._

"There… There were legends that wizards could speak to their magic. They say that was how the founders built Hogwarts, that they were among the last to know the secret to it." The hesitant wonder in the man's voice made Harry frown slightly before he offered a shake of his head back at the man.

"Only method I know, I wouldn't recommend. Having someone attempt to slowly destroy your soul isn't a pleasant experience… and from what I gather, if your magic doesn't find you worthy… well…" Harry left it hanging there as he shook his head.

_Quite right, quite right._

"I see… Thank you, Harry." Dumbledore nodded his head a moment before speaking again. "I'll see what I can do about visiting young Nymphadora."

"Thank you, Professor." And with that Harry turned and tiredly walked back out of the office.

-o-o-o-

"Well, well, what've we got here? Running around after curfew, Scarhead?" The snide taunting tone immediately sent a spike of anger running through Harry's veins as he clenched his fingers tightly back into fists.

"Malfoy." The word was practically spat past Harry's lips before he turned around, and coldly glared at the sneering blonde. "Go away, I'm in no mood to tolerate you tonight."

"Oooh, forgetting how things are, already? When I tell Headmistress Umbridge about this…" The taunting sneer grew positively gleeful at the prospect and caused Harry to freeze in place for a moment.

_Ooooh, this should be FUN!_

A cold smile suddenly drew across Harry's lips as he took a moment to meet the silvery eyes of a suddenly wary Draco. "Oh, I guess you're out of the loop, _Draco_. To be expected I suppose, what with your father probably undergoing interrogation with the Aurors right now." Enjoying the slight look of disbelief on Malfoy's face, Harry nodded his head even as he continued. "And as to dear, dear Delores… Well, let's just say that Professor Dumbledore is Headmaster once more."

"Even if my father was arrested, the Minister…" Draco's head lifted imperiously as he glared back at the boy.

"Saw ole snakeface, in person tonight, in the Ministry. The same place where a group of Death Eaters, including your father, had invaded and been subdued, still in their full regalia." Harry paused a moment watching the look of growing horror on the boy's face before he narrowed his own eyes, suddenly clenching his wand tightly. "Oh… and do tell your dear _mother_ that we're going to have a… _talk_ about what she and her sister did."

His eyes instantly narrowing Draco snapped his wand forward, aiming it directly towards Harry. "Don't you _dare_ threaten her, Potter!"

"_Ceridwen._" The word was spoken firmly past his lips, before suddenly the rush of power was surging through him once more, the power cocooning around him before exploding outwards, leaving him transformed once more as he stared angrily back at a shocked Draco. "Be very, very careful about who you point your wand at, Malfoy."

As Harry spread out his wings, his own wand rose up, glaring angrily back at the boy in front of him as he almost hissed his words out. "Because that person might be just looking for an excuse, ANY excuse, to curse you into oblivion."

_Oooh, I do so LOVE it when you talk that way!_

Fear quietly saturated Draco's eyes as he stared at the sudden transformation Potter had undergone, the barely contained temper in his eyes, begging him for an excuse, a reason to release itself on him, finally, lowering his wand the boy glared lightly back at Harry. "This isn't over, Scarhead."

"You're right. It's not." And with a knowing nod, Harry glared at the blonde boy once more before turning, and stalking off, his transformation flashing away once he'd turned a corner.

Releases:

Nymphadora:

She frowned slightly as she became aware of her surroundings. A dark, elegant hallway, the walls lined half way with a precise, graceful mahogany paneling that graduated into a pure black wallpaper. Elegant vines of silver twined across the ebony surface, catching the slight, flickering light of black wrought iron lamps, opaque glass shaped like blossoming roses casting a dim wave of silvery light.

Beneath her feet, she could feel the cool touch of smooth stone, and as she took a moment to glance down, she could see the tightly placed panes of smooth, polished black granite casting her reflection back into her eyes. For a moment, she hesitated, her lip drawn back into her mouth, caught between her teeth as a swelling of worry and trepidation blossomed in her chest. "Hello…?"

_You already know I'm here, Nymphadora. Just as I know WHY you've come._

"Ok, that's just creepy." The woman shuddered slightly as she could feel the voice pulsing through her mind without a sound, before her eyes flashed in a slight spark of anger. "And don't call me by that name."

_Please, child, you're in no position to make ANY demands of me. I will call you exactly as you are, young Black, nothing less._

"My name is TONKS!" She growled as the anger began to burn as she stared into the depth of shadows the hallway lead into. "Don't you DARE compare me to those arrogant pillocks!"

_Oh? An interesting way of remembering Sirius._

"Sirius was a Black in name only." She shook her head, feeling the way the raw surge of pain again shot through her chest. "Or are you forgetting the Tapestry? _Dear_ Great-Aunt Walpurgia…"

_And yet, it was he who inherited the home. Not the ones that followed her ideals. Curious, don't you think?_

"Voldemort killed Regulus." She spat back as she ignored the cool way the voice echoing through her mind reminded her so very much of her Aunt Narcissa, and with it, memories of how her little scheme had cost Sirius his life. "And Sirius was thrown into Azkaban for betraying the Potters to Voldemort. His mother probably figured he'd become the Black she'd always wanted him to be."

_A reasonable explanation. _

She twitched at the half amused, prompting drawl that echoed through her mind as she tightly clenched her eyes shut a moment, before opening them again. "But, you don't agree."

_I AM a Black, my dear lost little Nymphadora. Just as you are, even as you deny it. And unlike you, I can hear the way the magic sings in our home. It is an old, old thing, and it is why Black is known as a most Ancient and Noble house._

"Right, Noble." A snort was heard as she glared back into the darkness, even as a snarling sneer pulled itself across the normally smiling woman's face. "I've seen plenty of the great 'Nobility' of the Blacks."

_Yes, you have. In Sirius. _

She flinched at that, as the point dug home. "Sirius was who he was in SPITE of everything his house was."

_Poor lost little gift. All wrapped up in what so recently was, not what was once, long before the House was Ancient._

"And wot the hell is that supposed to mean?"

_Language, my dear, dear little girl. Really, is it too much to ask for you to show a little bit of the culture I KNOW you have, hmmm? You can hide it all you want beneath that crass little show you like to put on, but I know you know how to behave properly._

"Not gonna happen." The flat edge in her voice was a sharp length of steel as she spoke, her arms falling across her chest as she lifted her head in angry defiance.

_Mmm, so very, very much a Black, a true Black at least. _

"I told you…" The voice just continued to grate on her nerves, digging under her skin with such a casual ease that she couldn't help but hate, just like her Aunt Narcissa.

_And so stubborn too. Let me put it this way, little Nymphadora, why do you think a family is ever given the title Most Ancient AND Noble, hmm?_

"A lot of money." She couldn't hold back the bitterness in her voice as she let off a quick, dry laugh. "'S how the world works ya know. The good guys work hard, fight hard for everything they get, but all the lazy, dark gits need to do, is grease enough palms."

_And bit by bit, the real Nymphadora starts to shine through. The girl who smiles and laughs at the world she loathes. Fighting for people so far beneath her, they might as well be bugs on your heels._

"No bloody way." The anger was burning in her voice again as she glared back into the darkness. "I'll NEVER be like them! NEVER!"

_Of course you won't. You couldn't be. But you try too hard. Chasing after a bitter fool, playing the clown, hiding your face, even throwing away your own name for the one that has nothing to do with their world. Anything, everything that could possibly connect to their foolish little pureblood society. _

"Remus isn't a fool." The anger was quieter now, but still pulsed through her veins as she snarled back at the darkness. "He's a good man, a brave man…"

_A man who left the only legacy of his friends, his brothers, to rot for 12 years without a word. One who couldn't even bring himself to tell the boy about his relation to his father, to his parents until he had no choice. The one who runs from everything but a fight. I will trust him with our backs, NOTHING more. _

"That's not fair! He'd…"

_Lost everything, yes, yes, I know. That doesn't make it right, that doesn't make up for the fact that he was willing to believe that the most loyal of his brothers would turn traitor. It doesn't make up for the fact he let the greatest light our house has seen in generations almost gutter out, wasted away in prison!_

For a moment, she was silent, the words ringing through her mind as she couldn't fight off the slight frown that swept across her lips. The points she'd made, well they did ring with a certain truth, even if she didn't quite want to admit it. "He's working to make up for it now."

_Yes, by being Dumbledore's hound. Tell me, do you think he'll come to watch over Harry if Dumbledore tells him not to? Do you think he'll defy him anymore than he did last year, hmm?_

She opened her mouth to answer, to rebuke her, before finally letting her lips press back together in a thin line if only for a moment before she reluctantly answered her. "What do you want?"

_So many, many things. Let's not tax your little bubblegum clogged mind with them all right now._

"Suddenly, I know exactly why Harry keeps muttering about how much of a bitch his magic is." Arms crossed about her chest, she glared angrily down the dark hallway.

_Oh, Ceridwen is such delightful company! Even if she's disturbingly partial to your little bubblegum form. _

"… What?"

_Every time he's seen her since they first met, she's taken to wearing your face, your hair, your voice… Oh, she just LOVES to tease him with it. Haven't you noticed how he can't look at you without blushing lately?_

"… WHY the bloody hell did I think this was a good idea again?" She pinched the bridge of her nose, before growling softly as she shook her head. "Forget it, this isn't worth it."

_What, just going to run away then, go back into hiding? Pretending to be someone you're not?_

"I never sto-… I'm not hiding anything." She bit back a growl as she glared at the feminine voice laughing its way through her mind.

_Oh, my dear, dear, Nymphadora… Haven't you realized it yet? I'm a part of you. I'm the one you can never hide from, the one you can never keep a secret from. The one you can't pretend with. _

Scowling, she turned her head to the side letting the silence hang between them for a moment, before at last she spoke. "What do you want?"

_Ah, at last, some progress!_ _What I want, is to see you stop pretending. To start acting like the Black you are. A true Black._

"And I told you, I want…"

_I said a TRUE Black! Take that bubblegum out of your brain and pay attention to what I'm telling you! I will NOT give my name to someone so craven as to hide from themselves. I will not lend my full strength to someone unworthy of wielding it. You have already long since proven you're not like those unworthy of the Black name. Are you ready to show them what it means to TRULY be of an Ancient and NOBLE house? _

She stood, frozen there as she stared back into the darkness, the words stirring something inside of her, something deep, something burning with strength. For a moment, she shook her head, before she stared back into the darkness. "And what do you think it means to be a Black?"

_To actually BE Noble, not just claim it! Look at Sirius if you want an example!_

"So, you want me to stop showering, play a lot of pranks and tell bad jokes?" She could feel the smile curling slightly on her lips as she answered back, her eyes dancing with more than a slight bit of humor. "Oh, and hit on almost anything female that isn't related to me or already in a relationship?"

…_You know what I mean._

As she grinned triumphantly, she could suddenly feel the smirk her magic had to be wearing as the feminine voice continued.

_But, if you REALLY want to start hitting on females, please, show a little class and at least only hit on the pretty ones._

"Dammit."

_I mean, really, you don't see ME hitting on anything female._

"I don't see you period." She countered, glaring slightly into the darkness.

_True, but you haven't actually shown me that you're worthy yet._

"And what do I have to do for that?"

_You have to make the choice. To truly make it, to accept it, with every part of you, to be what I said. Otherwise, you will NEVER live up to your full potential, you full power._

"I don't want power." She spoke softly, quietly as she turned her head. "That's all they ever cared about."

_No, you truly don't. But, at the same time, you NEED it. To stop them, to protect what needs to be protected._

"There's something you're not telling me." Eyes narrowed into slits she glared back into the darkness as she growled softly.

_Of course there is. But, that's not something you need to know just yet. Now, the question remains, are you going to stand up and take the strength you need, or leave me to languish in the dark, so you can cling to your little illusion._

Grim silence answered the voice, but, words weren't what she needed. Hollow, empty things to the voice echoing through her. Words weren't enough, but, the begrudging acknowledgement, the reluctant admission…

She stared in shock as the darkness pulled back, shrinking away as it revealed a feminine figure staring back at her with heavy lidded coal black eyes. Dark, flowing locks fell down, elegantly along the strong, beautiful features of a face sculpted with the well known beauty of the Blacks. Pale flesh, almost creamy in complexion, was caught beneath of tight fitting dress of crushed black velvet and trimmed with a flowing collection of crow feathers.

Again, she turned her face away, feeling that stab of anger burning through her just as it had every time before. "Are you trying to mock me?"

_Why little Nymphadora, what did you expect, for me to be one of those little disguises you love to wear? Oh no. I told you, you don't get to hide anymore. Especially not from yourself, not when you really are so beautiful._

"You want me to look like the bitch that killed Sirius?" She hissed angrily back at the woman, who merely arched a brow back at her, lips curled back into a semblance of a smirk, indeed, looking oh so much like a young, healthy Bellatrix LeStrange.

_I expect you to look like yourself. Now are you ready to finally DO what you need to?_

She merely growled angrily back as her eyes flashed with a dangerous fire.

_Good. Now, say my name, and accept what you need to do._

-o-o-o-

Nymphadora Tonks' eyes snapped open, as the words slipped quietly past her lips, even as her features flowed and shifted to back into the figure she'd faced in her mind. "Fly on black wings atop the war torn sky, _Morrigan_!"

She could feel the way the magic swelled up inside of her, before suddenly, she could feel it, how it exploded out of her, wrapping about her as the touch of wings the hue of shadows rose from her back and sent a storm of black feathers flashing around her.

Ron:

The fire was the first thing that caught his eye, burning, crackling in the depths of a stone hearth as it cast its flickering light across the room. Wrapped under its touch, a pair of chairs, steep, deep, regal pieces of furniture carved of warm, red cherry and set with black cushions. A matching table, with a set of intricately carved chess pieces was set between them, catching the light gleam of the firelight reflecting off their polished surfaces.

Instinctively his eyes were drawn to the game board, his feet quietly traversing across the fur rug covering the hardwood floor. Ignoring the walls around him, deep with a mix of books and polished, well maintained arms and armor as he made his way closer. Just as his fingers reached down to touch a piece, a voice suddenly echoed through his mind.

_Don't you know it's rude to come into another's home and touch their things, boy?_

Startled, he immediately jerked around, searching the room, before his eyes widened even further as he beheld the figure suddenly seated in one of those high backed chairs. A dark brow was arched up, sending a wave of wrinkles across his tanned, weathered flesh, with short, silver hair receding back, leaving a widow's peak that only seemed to make the man seem more dignified than old. He was older, around his father's age, or, perhaps a bit older, wearing a black turtle neck beneath a simple brown coat.

As those knowing brown eyes watched him, the figure lightly brought up one leg, laying it across his knee as he lightly threaded his fingers together, and suddenly Ron could hear that voice again, rippling through his mind with a cultured Scottish tinge.

_Well, are you going to stand there, gaping like a fish, or are you going to show a little dignity, shut your mouth and take a seat?_

Still stunned, Ron's mouth shut with an audible click as he followed the voice's instructions with a stunned nod, even as he wordlessly slipped down into the chair, staring back at the figure in front of him. Finally, after a moment of merely staring back at the seated figure across from him, the boy again found his voice. "Are you…?"

_Who else would I be? I'm most assuredly not your mother._

"… You're going to yell at me, aren't you." There was a kind of quiet resignation as he recalled a bit of what Harry had said his own experiences with his magic had been like.

_Yell? No. I have little need to shout and scream at you, there is almost nothing it would accomplish._

"Oh, um, good, I guess…" He shifted, distinctly uncomfortable as he watched the man in front of him, those dark, knowing eyes making him want to squirm every time he met them.

_No, not particularly. The problems with you are far, far more aggravating that what can be fixed by simple shouting and screaming. If they could, I do believe the young Miss Granger would have alleviated them years ago._

"What problems?" Confusion rippled across his face as he stared back at the man in front of him.

_To put it simply? You're a fool. A brightly haired buffoon, a gluttonous, dim witted, jealous little boy who's too busy searching for how to stand apart from his brothers and his friends, to find how to stand as himself._

For a moment, Ron sat there in stunned silence as he stared back at the man who had listed off those faults in a calm tone that bordered on disinterest as those knowing brown eyes bore down on him. Suddenly that familiar temper flared up, flashing as the words dug with jagged force of uncomfortable truth. "Hey! Where do you get off…"

_Be silent, boy. _

The words cut deep, spoken with the same cultured calm that had almost clinically listed off his faults.

_Do you which of these pieces you are?_

A hand, gestured to the board in front of them, causing the boy to blink for a moment, before near silently he reached out, his fingers hovering over the curved head of a knight, before again he was cut off.

_No. _

The man's hand slipped out then, and Ron stared in shock as he lifted up a single little pawn into the air.

_This, this is you, boy. A simple, straight forward piece, craving to reach the glory it seeks on the opposite end of the board. Lost to your own childish thoughts._

The pawn was replaced a moment later, settled back onto the polished wooden board, before the man picked up the knight Ron had been reaching for when he'd asked his question.

_This, this is what you started to become. Your first year, you were the one sacrificing himself so his friends could go on without more than a moment's thought. I was so proud of you then, so certain that you'd live up to my expectations. _

The brief swell of pride that Ron felt at the man's words was suddenly cut back into nothing as he continued.

_Then you go and turn into this. Lashing out in petty jealousy. Throwing away friendship for greed and glory. You're going to be the part of a legend, but, that's not good enough for you, and to be quite frank, that makes me sick._

For a moment, Ron said nothing, merely staring back at the man across from him, before he couldn't find the strength to continue meeting that gaze. There were no words he could say, no protests he could make. All he could do, was stare down at the board in front of him, staring quietly from knight to king and back.

_Oh, are you finally starting to figure it out then? Perhaps there's hope for you yet._

"Harry's the king. Always has been. He's the target, he's the leader. The Dark Lord is never going to stop chasing him. Not until one of them is dead." His voice was subdued as he reached out, lightly brushing his thumb against the mane of a knight. "Not until that final checkmate."

_Each of your brothers has shown you the way to greatness, but each time, you've never seen past your own insecurities your own jealousy. The curse breaker. The star seeker and dragon handler. The scholar and worker. The pranksters and inventors. Each of them has shown you that in your family is greatness, if you simply stay true to your own path. Just as it's shown you the folly of faltering from it like your brother._

Ron gave no indication he'd heard the man, not at first, his thumb slowly stroking against the knight piece as he stared at it's polished surface. "I found my path, first year, didn't I? Then I just let it go. Not understanding it. Not knowing what I was losing. So I just drifted back into Harry and Hermione's shadow. Where it was easy, where I just went with the flow and didn't have to really make an effort…"

_Thus, we come to the crux of the situation. You chose what was easy. Something your brothers never did. And because your king holds you in such high esteem, what happened, hmmm?_

A look of sickened realization fell across Ron's face as he released the knight and slumped back in his chair. The quiet, hoarse whisper that escaped his lips barely rose above the crackling of the fire. "He followed me, instead of me following him. Instead of growing strong like he should have, like we should have, we took the easy way."

_Now, you're having to pay for it. So much time lost because of the choices you made. _

"So much strength and skill we could have had, lost because we, I, only thought about the easy way out." The guilt was hitting him, the shame digging hooks into his heart, dragging it into the pit that had become his stomach.

_From here on out, you have a choice. A path you must take. The easy, the safe path, where you will find a life unburdened by responsibility, or…_

"The Hard way. By Harry's side at every step of the way. Sword and shield to protect my king." Ron's eyes locked on the man's and burned back at him, determination within them.

_An observation or a choice?_

"You already know."

_True enough I suppose, true enough. Well then, we shall see, young squire, if you can grow into the knight you could be. For now, I will lend you my strength. Dishonor it though, and…_

"I won't have another chance." Ron nodded his head in agreement, bowed slightly in acknowledgment.

_Then, rise, and call upon my name._

-o-o-o-

"Stand firm and hold the line, _Cid_." He did not shout out the call as did the others, he did not scream, he did not let his words burn with emotion. Instead, he whispered those words with a kind of reverence as he bowed his head.

In his hand, the power flowed into his wand and for a moment it glowed, cocooned in the bright veil of magic, before it too suddenly shattered as it had with the others. When it ended, gone was the slender length of blunt wood and in its place, gripped in a gauntleted hand, was an intricately carved lance, extending out the same measure as a short sword. Beyond those two things, the only changed that could be seen was the suddenly steely resolve in the boy's eyes as he quietly studied the object in his hand and the gauntlets on his fists before nodding once in quiet understanding.

Lucius:

He was surprised to find the sun shining over head as he quietly stood on white stone ramparts. A slight frown marred his face as he looked out, watching the coiling dirt road that wound itself through a sea of grass and wild flowers. Black gloved fingers slipped down then, touching the smooth, warm stone studying it even as he noted absently how stark the darkness of his robes stood in contrast with the stone.

Snorting softly, he turned his head, about to move on when he caught sight of a small child, sitting atop the ramparts, legs dangling haphazardly over the edge as the young boy stared out at the vastness in front of him. A cold, clinical part of him, noted the pale blonde hair and silvery eyes of a Malfoy, and yet, the features were softer, not as sharp, or refined as his or his son's. More open as he sat in a simple smock and breeches.

_You can't see it, can you._

The sudden soft voice rippling through his mind startled Lucius, his eyes widening slightly as he suddenly studied the boy a bit more intently. "So, you would be what I'm here, looking for."

_No, I suppose you can't._

A slight spike of irritation rippled across Lucius' face as he narrowed his eyes at the boy. "See what, exactly."

_The simple beauty of things._

"Empty planes filled with nothing but weeds and dropping daisies." Lucius shot back as he glared mildly at the boy in front of him. "Hardly anything of note."

_That's not what you thought once._

A vague recollection rose up through his mind, bringing a slight frown to Lucius' lips as he stared back at the boy who had yet to look back at him. "A child's thoughts, hardly befitting those of a man."

The boy turned his head then, glancing at the man for a moment, before slowly shaking his head in a slow, sad motion before looking back out across the plains.

_And this, instead is?_

Suddenly, the air was thick with the stench of burning flesh and spilt blood as Lucius brought his hand to his mouth, stifling back the reflexive urge to gag at the sudden assault on his senses. All around them, bodies lay, dismembered, destroyed, burned, stabbed, tore apart. The calm serenity of the day sky had faded into a cloudy, moonless night as fires raged across the planes. Everywhere he looked, he could see the glazed unseeing eyes of the dead staring back at him, almost accusingly as he whirled around.

_What's the matter? This is what you wanted, isn't it? To slaughter, to kill, to destroy? To watch your enemies die, driven and destroyed before you?_

"What… is this?" Lucius could feel the sudden queasy turn in his stomach, the shuddering drop as he fought back the urge to empty the contents of his stomach onto one of those nearby corpses.

_This? You should recognize it. This is war, this is what you've worked to bring to the Wizarding World. This is death and destruction. People slaughtered as nothing more than beasts before the butchers. This is what your 'great' Dark Lord wants. _

Never once opening his mouth the boy lifted his hand, and pointed down towards the once empty dirt road lay, directly at a small mountain of corpses that now covered it, and to the pale semblance of a man laughing triumphantly atop it.

_That is his desire. To kill, to torture, to destroy. That is all he knows now. That is all he wants. He does not wish to rule, he does not wish to lead, he does not wish to bring about your dreams. He wants power, power to indulge in every little dark whim or fancy, with no one there to stand against him or stop him._

Lucius flinched back as he felt the quiet accusation in those words striking deep from those clear, silver eyes, before he turned his head away, shame thick in his heart. "I know."

_Yet, you do nothing. No, worse than that, you stand beside him, kneel to him, serve him. Help him on his journey._

"Better to stand behind him, than be one of those cut down before him." Lucius shot back as his own silver eyes flashed for a moment before falling still. "Better to have my family where he won't choose to attack."

_Where he won't attack yet. You already know that he is close to bringing punishment for your failures onto them. If your son hadn't brought that book… _

"I know… I KNOW!" Lucius could feel that dark pit dropping even further into his stomach as he turned his head, staring into the distance, again catching sight of the image of the madman he followed standing atop his corpse mountain. "What do you want of me? To say that you're right? I know you are! That everything I've done has brought me step by step closer to ruin?"

_All your life, you've chased after power. To hold it over others, to feel better than them, does your son even know why you hate? Does he even understand the truth of it?_

"Of course, tell my son, my proudly pureblood son, that he is the son of a half blood?" Lucius barked off a short bitter laugh before shaking his head. "That the man who raised me as my father, cold and hard hearted as he was, couldn't plant his seed? That I surpassed both his and my mother's power, when I was a boy his own age?"

Lucius closed his eyes and growled out as he clenched his fingers above the stone. "To tell him, that everything I taught him, everything I've represented, has been nothing but an extravagant, all encompassing lie?!"

_It would help. Narcissa still loves you as you are. _

"But Bellatrix wouldn't." Lucius paused, before he snorted softly shaking his head as he gripped his fingers back, tightly into his palms. "No matter how her precious lord is even less of a pureblood than I am. At least my blood father was a wizard."

_True, and yet, he is the one with the power. Interesting, isn't it?_

"Not the word I'd choose." His lips turned down sourly he turned his head, as suddenly the ramparts and the fields were back, clean and once more almost shining against the gentle light of the sun. As he stared out at the wild swaying expanse of life, he spoke, his hands resting down on cool white stone. "You're right, it is beautiful."

_All it takes, is the right perspective. So, what're you going to do?_

"Whatever is best for my family. Glory, power… vengeance…" The man slumped softly as he stared down at the stone beneath his hands. "Those are meaningless without them." Turning his head, he looked at the silent boy staring back at him with those quiet eyes. "Please… Help me protect them."

_Of course. But, remember, Lucius. The best ways to protect someone are never the easy ones. Now… Say my name._

-o-o-o-

"Hold your head high and stand proud, _Auguste_." Simple, soft words slipped past his lips, as Lucius could feel his magic enveloping him, rising like a way through his limbs before exploding grey robes, trimmed with silver and green fell across his frame, with a hood drawn over his head, casting his features into shadow.

Hermione:

_Oh, this simply will NOT do, not at all!_

Hermione blinked as she could hear the sensual, purring voice immediately echoing through her mind the instant she became aware of her new surroundings. "Huh, wha…?"

Veils of transparent, crimson silks and woven gold hung against gleaming marble pillars as distant sounds of faint giggles played against the quiet murmur of flowing water. Before her, a smiling woman, dressed in diaphanous purple silks was rising off a crimson divan, stretching back luxuriously with a display of her ample, sensual curves. Then, she was almost stalking over towards her, the quiet click of heels reported off the polished stone beneath her feet, before suddenly, Hermione found herself staring up into a pair of molten amber eyes.

_Really child, must you be so serious? So wound up, tightly clamping down on everything, my, I can't imagine how much longer it will be until you just… mmm Explode._

"Wha, who… WHY ARE YOU DRESSED LIKE THAT!?" Almost pressed into a most impressive set of cleavage, Hermione's mind finally caught up with exactly what it was she was seeing, even as she tried to practically throw the woman away from her.

_Oof, rude little girl, aren't you? You're the one that came to ME remember?_

There was a note of amusement in the tinge of annoyance the voice conveyed back as the chestnut haired woman fell backwards, and landed rather solidly on her bottom.

_And I dress how I please. Not everyone is a stick in the mud little prude like you stick to._

Standing up, she lightly made to dust herself off, Hermione blushed furiously as she averted her eyes, refusing to look at the woman in front of her. "It's indecent!"

_That depends entirely on your definition of decent. I'm fairly certain none of those boys you like to hang out with would complain about it._

The way the woman grinned down right lecherously back at her had Hermione quickly squeaking in outrage before she rapidly shook her head, her body flushing even further. "WHAT!? How… Ooooh, you… you… you SLUT!"

_Hedonist, thank you very much. And those boys are quite tasty… though, not as much as those red head's brothers… mmm… Twins...!_

As thoughts of Fred and George came unbidden to the girl's mind, she unconsciously crossed her legs thoughts drifting to some of the more private moments she'd allowed herself to indulge. "You… you pervert!"

_And? Really, Hermione, darling, I am just an aspect of you after all. Anything you call me, is saying that about yourself._

With a smirk curled back on soft, full lips, the woman swayed her way to the blushing girl's side, and slipped an arm about her shoulders, pulling her close as she felt the brush of oh so soft fingertips caressing her cheek. Then, the woman had a glass, more a goblet than anything, filled with a burgundy hued liquid.

_Here, have a little wine m'dear. You look like you could use it._

"And how exactly do I look like I could use it?" The words dripped frigidly off Hermione's lips as she crossed her arms about her chest, trying to shrug off the woman's arm as tension rippled through her body.

_For one, you're far, far too tense. Relax and enjoy yourself!_

"And for another?" The tension only built higher inside the girl as she pulled away from the woman, staring back angrily at those molten amber eyes.

_For another, you most definitely need a good and thorough shagging._

Hermione immediately felt her jaw slacken as she stared back at the amused looking woman who casually took a sip from the cup in her hand, before canting her head lightly to the side, allowing the rich curls of her hair to fall lightly against her cheek.

_You're entirely too stuck on the idea of what's right and proper. Always following the rule set down in front of you so blindly… Demanding everything be structured and ordered. Ugh, it's positively unseemly how much fun you seem so determined to drain out of life._

The girl could hear an almost melodramatic sigh echoing through her mind as the woman brought her free hand up to her forehead, swooning slightly backwards.

_Alas, the bitter torments of being stuck a part of a girl so intent on being nothing but a prude. _

"… Joy, I'm stuck with an oversexed, hedonistic, drunken drama queen for my magic." Hermione shot back curtly as she pinched the bridge of her nose. "Lovely. I should have listened to Harry."

_Well, he does have first hand experience… And Ceridwen… Mmm… such a wickedly delightful thing she is. The things she could do with me… oh yes._

"And of course, she's a lesbian too." Hermione growled softly as she shook her head.

_No more than you. I appreciate the delights of both forms my dear, they all have their pleasures. Now if you want a fine example of what a man should be like, Cid is… oooh, words simply don't do the man justice. _

Hermione groaned as she heard the throaty purr that echoed through her mind, before shaking her head. "I don't even want to know. Is there ANYTHING useful you can tell me?"

_Neither Ceridwen nor Cid like you very much._

The girl stared as the woman pouted softly as her voice rang though her mind before she took another slow sip of her drink.

_They blame you as much as they blame their wielders for how screwed up their boys are. But, mainly you._

"… I know who Ceridwen is, but who's Cid, and how can they blame me for that!? I've tried my hardest to help them! If it wasn't for me they'd never get any homework done, never study, they'd…!"

_Because you're so intent on sucking the fun and enjoyment out of what they do. If you don't love something, thrive on it, embrace it, you'll never go beyond the basics, and you, my dear, have almost single handedly helped destroy most of the wonder and enjoyment Harry found in magic. _

"That's not true!" Hermione immediately protested, glaring angrily back at the woman. "And who's Cid's…?!"

_Weasley obviously. Perhaps the boy will get a clue after talking to him. And yes, it is. You made studying and researching things such a chore, that it killed off their interest in anything beyond what was assigned in class. Or, do you think a boy, upon learning both his father and godfather were animagi, would normally not look into learning about how to become one himself?_

"It's illegal for someone to…"

_Ugh, always with the rules and what you should and shouldn't do. I swear. I hate to think how much of an absolutely uptight prude you would have been if Harry and Ron hadn't forced you along for some of the things they wouldn't let you talk them out of. _

"Rules are what make society function! Without rules..." Again, the girl protested, her eyes sparking in a bit of anger as she lightly stomped her foot, still glaring at the woman.

_Rules are the way people are controlled. Some beneficial, some not. Just because something is a rule, doesn't mean that you should follow it. _

"So what, you think I should just throw the rules out entirely and let people do whatever they want?" Hermione lifted her head, sniffing in disdain as she crossed her arms more tightly about her chest. Only, suddenly the woman in front of her scowled openly down at her as she threw her hands up in the air and began to stalk away.

_Do you just not WANT to understand? Are you so happy being a stubborn fool that you can't grasp what Harry and Ron knew their first year? Bah! Who needs a shepard when they have sheep like you!_

Hermione flushed brightly in anger as she paused, struggling to come to grips with the emotions the woman had evoked in her, struggling to give words to flood of thoughts that swept through her mind. A mess of confusion that result in a simple stammering of words. "You... you...!"

The woman glared down at her from over her shoulder, sneering softly as she beheld the girl.

_What, you expect me to praise you for it? To give you the approval you so wantonly crave? You've HAD that approval from better friends than you deserve. But, all you cared about was finding it from adults, from those of 'authority.' But, that's not the truly frustrating thing. Do you know what is?_

With gritted teeth, the girl met the woman's glare with one of her own and ground out, "What...?"

_You've been taught, the same lesson, over and over and over again. But, it NEVER sticks! It's only been a few days now since you learned it the last time, but still you refuse to let it stay! _

"What's the bloody lesson then?!"

_That you can't rely on 'authority' to do the right thing, and you can't blindly follow. You can't just sit back and expect things to work out. Rules don't always help, in fact a lot of the time they need to be broken. And finally, it's just plain more FUN to cut loose and stop worrying all the time. Not to mention, you don't get anywhere new by following the same old directions._

For a moment, Hermione just stared back at the woman as anger melted into confusion. "Wha-huh?"

_Popsicle?_

Hermione could only stare in dumbed shock as the woman in front of her seemed to giggle slightly while suddenly producing two, blue popsicles, one of which she promptly flicked her tongue slowly up, caressing its tip as she offered the second to Hermione.

_They're really quite good. Mmm... What were we talking about again?_

Hermione took the popsicle with that dumbstruck expression still written across her face, staring back at the woman in front of her who made quite the spectacle of slowly lavishing her tongue across is glistening length before suckling at its tip.

_I do just love to suck on a nice, hard, wet... popsicle._

"Right... Popsicle... uh, yeah..." Hesitantly the girl took a slight lick at the slightly glistening stick of frozen blue liquid before blinking at the definitely citrus taste. "Hm... that's actually pretty good."

_I know! I do just LOVE these things! Positively delightful! I got the recipe from those delightful twins!_

"... Since when can you communicate with people?" Hermione stared back at the woman, even as she continued to suckle away at the glistening length the blue popsicle, wondering what about it, was so familiar.

_Mmm...? Oh no, Hermione, darling!I'm refering to their absolutely WONDERFUL magics! With two twins so alike, of course their magics are twins as well! And believe me... There's a reason people have such a very big twins fantasy!_

"..." For a moment, Hermione allowed her mind to wander with the woman's words, conjuring up the simple logistics of such a situation before she immediately blushed brightly. "I did NOT need to know that!"

_No, but it's such a wonderful image, isn't it?_

Unconsciously, Hermione nodded her head in acknowledgment, never aware of her own motion as she gave another suckle on her popsicle, still struggling to define the flavor. "What's in these?"

_Oh, a bit of lemonade, a bit of blue curacao... and just the slightest smidge of vodka!_

Eyes widening, Hermione pulled the popsicle out of her mouth and stared at it. "They're alcoholic?!"

_Well, duh, it's kind of hard for something to be half blue curacao and NOT be alcoholic!_

"Oh..." She was torn for a moment, staring at the delightful popsicle in her hand before whimpering just a bit. "But... but...!"

_A little alcohol is not going to kill you, darling. Anyway, you came here to learn my name and see about releasing me, hmmm?_

"Well, yes, I did..."

_Tell you what, go out, have some fun, party, drink... And I'll give you what you want. Bonus points for if you get a damned thorough shagging._

"... You're telling me that in order for me to have full access to my magic, like Harry, I have to agree to... to..." Hermione couldn't quite bring herself to say it, her eyes bugging out of her head as her face flushed brilliantly. "That's... That's immoral!"

_Well, you can always say no, and let Harry deal with all on his own. _

"That's blackmail!"

_Why, yes, it is, isn't it?_

"... Do I have any other choice?" She glowered at the woman, arms crossed once more about her chest, even as she never leg go of her popsicle.

_None at all! Isn't it wonderful?_

"No, it's not..." Hermione huffed as she shook her head, lightly stamping her foot against the ground. "Fine!"

_Delightful! Now, say my name._

-o-o-o-

"Let the wine flow for those that would sup at your teat, Maeve!" Hermione froze, horrified at the words that came out of her mouth as she realized exactly what it was she'd said.

Before she could voice any further protest, she vanished behind the sudden swirling glow of a cocoon, before it shattered an instant later, leaving Ron and Harry visibly staring at her. When she followed their gaze down and caught sight of just what she was wearing, she immediately let out a choked squawk. "MAEVE!!!!"

The melodious giggling through her mind was the only response she got.


	24. HP: A Fine Spot of Trouble

A Fine Spot of Trouble

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and Co are not mine.

Notes: I'm an evil, insane man. Beware.

Oh, wait, I was supposed to put that in the disclaimer, wasn't I? Ah well.

-o-o-o-

Draco could only stare in quiet disbelief at the figure slumped down almost supporting himself on the bottle of whiskey clutched desperately in his hand as he stared blearily through his wire rimmed glasses. Stained and wrinkled clothes clung limply from an overly gaunt frame, as several days worth of stubble. Matted and stained black hair stuck out even more wildly than he'd ever seen it before as eyes that once shown like emeralds stared dully on a pallid complexion.

Unable to stop himself, Draco pulled out the chair directly across from the man, lightly pulling at the fingers of his glove for a moment, before giving the unseeing across from him a long, considering look before speaking. "Well, isn't this a sight. The savior of the Wizarding World, sitting like a common lush. So, tell me, Scarhead, what the bloody hell do you think you're doing?"

For a moment, those eyes light in a spark of recollection, and a flash of anger before the drunkenly slurred words dropped past his lips. "Leavesh… bug-bugger off, Malfoy."

"Or else, what? You'll offend me with your stench?" The blonde man wrinkled his nose as he shook his head. "Far, far too late for that, Potter."

"Wuz tinkin… moor luk… pishin on ya." The dark haired man answered back with a drunken laugh, before grinning. "Pished yerself… ow muny timez me cuz?"

For a moment, Draco blinked blankly back at the man, before wincing slightly as he finally made sense of the words and fought down a flush of embarrassment. "Twice, if you want to get technical about it."

Potter paused, and then stared back at the man, a completely dumbfounded expression painted across his face. "Wut?"

For a moment, Draco said nothing, studying the dumbfounded drunk in front of him as he struggled to fit it to the memory he had of the boy he'd built up as his rival, his nemesis, if only in his mind. Finally, he slowly shook his head and stared back at the boy. "What the hell happened to you, Potter?"

The man blinked a moment, staring dully back at the blonde man, before, for a moment, a brief moment, Draco could see a flash of almost painful clarity, as a single word was uttered. "Life."

Then, it was gone, and once more the vacant drunk was in his place once more.

Frowning again, Draco sighed a moment before cursing himself and idiotic Gryffindor's under his breath, before standing up and stalking over to the pub's floo. Tossing in a handful of power, the man made another face, before barking out. "Hermione Weasley!"

There was a moment's pause as the flames turned green, before a more matured, bushy haired face appeared in the flames. "Hello can I…? Malfoy? What do you want?"

"Look Gran-… Weasley, I'm about as happy to see you as you are me, I just need to know where I can find Potter." Draco made another face as he sighed slightly in resignation.

"What do you want with Harry?" Those eyes narrowed in suspicion as the woman glared back at her childhood tormenter.

"I was planning on inviting him to my wedding and I want to do it in person." Draco glared back at her a moment longer, before sighing just a bit. "So, do you know where he's living or not?"

"How do I know…"

"I, Draco Malfoy, swear on my life and my magic that I have no intention of using the information I'm asking of you to in anyway harm or even impinge upon the happiness of Harry Potter, nor do I intend to give the information to anyone who would do so in my stead." As the glow of the oath pulsed visibly for a moment, the man glared back at her. "Happy?"

Hermione visibly fumbled for a moment as she stared at the man in open mouthed shock, before slowly pursing her lips as she lightly winced. "I… actually I'm not sure where he lives. Everything's been so hectic the last few years, we just… sort of fell out of touch. Maybe Neville, or Luna, or George…"

A sudden sinking sensation hitting his stomach, deepening with each subsequent floo call, each of Potter's friends embarrassed as they admitted to not quite having a clue where their friend lived anymore. The last, the surviving Weasley twin shrugged helplessly through the floo.

"Harry… Harry knows he can come in whenever he wants. He's family. I've just been so busy with trying to keep things running with the store… Since…" Draco nodded his head in slight understanding as the one eared man continued. "I send an owl his way every couple of weeks, giving him a statement on his share of the shop's profits, and trying to see how he's doing, but… I almost never hear back from him. If you've tried everyone from Hogwarts, there's still one person left who might know."

"Who?" There was a flash of confusion in Draco's eyes as he shifted just a bit, uncertainty written on his face as he tried to think of who he could possibly have missed.

George gave the boy a look, before sighing slightly at the clueless expression on the man's face. "Your aunt?"

"Bellatrix has been…"

"Your OTHER Aunt." George corrected with a frown.

Instantly, Draco paled as he recalled just who it was the man was referring to. "Andromeda."

"Yeah, she's the one that's raising Teddy since…" George sighed slightly and shrugged helplessly again as Draco looked away, the weight in his stomach plummeting again for entirely different reasons. "Your best bet's an owl."

"Thank you." Draco mumbled just a bit and nodded before he sighed and closed the Floo connection with a shake of his head before finding his way back to the table where Harry was again blearily nursing the bottle in his hand.

Catching the eye of the nearby tender, Draco asked quietly. "How much is his tab?"

"He doesn't have one." The man answered back with a shrug as he glanced sadly down at the drunken figure. "He only comes here to get drunk, and he sticks to the cheap stuff. After everything he's been through, I can't bring myself to charge him for it."

"Well, at least I won't be depriving you of a paying customer." Draco muttered slightly under his breath before handing over a number of galleons to the man. "I'm taking the drunken idiot home to get him sobered up."

"Good luck." The man answered seriously as he hesitated a moment, before taking the coins. "A man who does that to himself… There's usually not much out there that can bring 'im back."

"I think I know someone who can do it…" Draco responded, before wincing slightly. "I'm just not sure how I can approach her without her trying to kill me."

"Well, g'luck, sir." The man answered sincerely as he glanced over at Harry. "Would be a shame to lose such a great wizard."

"No." Draco corrected too quietly for the tender to hear as he walked back the drunken, slovenly man. "It would be a crime to lose such a good man."

Harry blinked blearily back up at Draco as the man approached, not quite seeing as he swayed slightly in his seat. "Wut?"

"Time to go, Potter."

"Drunk'n not finished."

"Yes, you are." Malfoy grunted softly as he pulled the man up, wrinkling his nose in absolute disgust as the smell assailed him. "Good Lord, Potter! Where've you been sleeping, the sewers?"

"Place gud any as." The man agreed with an empty nod of his head.

"Great, just bloody great." Sighing again, Draco dragged the man back to the floo and steeled himself for what awaited on the other side.

-o-o-o-

Narcissa Malfoy immediately wrinkled her nose in ill-disguised disgust as she lightly glared at her son. "Draco, I know we refused to allow you pets as a boy, but just because you're an adult now is no reason for you to begin bringing home strays."

"But Mother, I couldn't help it, he followed me home, can we keep him?" Draco's words were dipped in far, far more sarcasm than he'd intended, growing positively acidic as he addressed his mother.

The cool, imperious glare he received, made him wince, visibly as he wilted beneath its strength. "My apologies, Mother, it's simply… been a frustrating hour."

"And the vagabond you've insisted on bringing into our home?" Another sniff as she dismissed swaying drunkenly on her son's shoulder without more than a moment's glance.

"Someone we owe." That immediately drew her attention, as the woman frowned slightly and narrowed her eyes to study the man a bit more closely.

"Who could we possibly… Potter?!" Down right disbelief flashed through her eyes as the woman almost toppled back in her chair. "Why the bloody hell did you bring him HERE!"

"Like I said, we owe him." Draco growled slightly as Harry stumbled slightly where he stood, almost collapsing and pulling Draco down with him. "And none of his bloody friends knew where he was bloody living."

"Language, Draco." The woman chided lightly before furrowing her brow slightly. "You talked to EVERYONE who might know, and none of them did?"

Draco winced slightly as he glanced away for a moment. "Well, almost everyone. The last… It would be better if you asked her."

"Who could…?" Narcissa frowned a moment, confusion written on her face before she immediately blinked in surprise. "Andromeda?"

"Considering what Death Eaters did to her husband, and Bellatrix did to her daughter… I don't trust her to not attack me on sight." Draco agreed with a nod, before grunting just a bit. "I'm going to put Potter in one of the unused guest rooms."

"Have one of the house elves at least clean him up." Narcissa muttered slightly as her eyes locked onto the floo with a look of resigned dread.

"Of course, Mother."

As the pair disappeared down the hall, Narcissa absently cast an air freshening charm, before cautiously approaching the floo. Gripping a small handful of powder tightly in her grip, she took a moment to breath in a slow, steadying breath before tossing the powder onto the flame before speaking the name softly. "Andromeda… Tonks."

"Hello? What can I…?" The warm smiling face that greeted her instantly sent a cold spike of pain through Narcissa's heart as it immediately dropped into a cold glare of recognition. "What do you want, Mrs. Malfoy."

"'Romeda…" Narcissa half whispered the word as she could feel the tears lightly tinge at her eyes, fighting down the sudden swell of emotions that rose through her chest.

"Don't you DARE! Don't you dare try to Romeda me, Malfoy!" Andromeda Tonks hissed the words past her lips as she glared angrily at the woman who had once been her little sister. "You lost that right when your husband and your son's friends killed my husband, and your sister killed my daughter!"

Belatedly, Narcissa realized she'd forgotten the most important thing to remember when dealing with her sisters. Bellatrix had been the passionate one, the one who's loyalty, once won, was blind and unbreakable. She, herself, was the cool calculator, the protective one. But Andromeda… Andromeda was the one who could hold a grudge like no one she'd ever met before. The stubborn one, with the unbreakable will.

Again, she tried to collect herself, to speak as she started again. "Andromeda…"

"It's TONKS to you, Malfoy." The hissing words were so cold they burned against Narcissa's skin as the woman flinched back.

"My apologies, Mrs. Tonks." For the first time in over half a decade, Narcissa Malfoy could feel her icy control slipping as the tears fell down her cheeks, and she felt the words grow thick upon her lips. "I… I'm calling you… about Harry Po-"

"Harry?! If you or your family have done ANYTHING to that boy, I swear to you there won't be a thing LEFT of you by the time I'm done! OF ANY OF YOU!" Narcissa could see the anger in the woman's face, the pure, boiling fury in it, but at the same time, she saw that thick, violent tremor of fear that raced through the woman's dark eyes.

"I assure you, Mrs. Tonks, we have done nothing ill to him." For a moment, Narcissa ducked her head, glancing away as she whispered out the rest of her words. "We owe him far, far too much for that."

"… What is this about then?" The anger had calmed into a more manageable thing, but had never left Andromeda's face as she glared back at the woman she'd once called sister.

"Draco… Apparently came across Mr. Potter in a rather… alarming state." Narcissa was slow and careful with her words, taking a slow, deep breath to steady the flood of emotions swelling up through her chest. "He looked like a drunken wastrel who hadn't bathed in weeks."

The anger faded into sad resignation as Andromeda merely nodded her head and spoke quietly. "What pub is he at this time?"

The way Andromeda, Andromeda of all people simply accepted the words about the godfather of her grandson sent the weight dropping to her stomach as she couldn't stop herself from asking. "How… how did he get this bad? Draco told he tried to contact every one of the boy's friends and not a single one of them knew where that was."

"When he's not drinking his life away, he sleeps…" Andromeda took a moment, her eyes shutting as she took a slow deep breath. "He sleeps in Nymphadora's old room."

"What happened to him?" Narcissa slowly shook her head in disbelief as she stared back at the figure in the flames. "That man… I can barely see anything of the boy I remember."

For a moment, Andromeda hesitated, biting down on her lower lip for a moment, before finally, the need to finally talk about it broke through her worry. "He always wanted nothing more than a quiet, normal life. At first, he thought he could have that with Ginny Weasley, but she wasn't satisfied with fading away into the background, she wanted the fame and the spotlight. Harry stood it as long as he could, before finally he just had to end it."

Narcissa nodded her head in understanding, Ginny Weasley had risen to be one of the top quidditch stars in the league, often with her face splashed across news papers and magazines across the continent.

"After that ended, he realized just how much he'd fallen out of touch with his old friends while he was struggling so hard to make things with Ginny work. Everyone else had simply moved on with their lives. They no longer really had time for him. It wasn't a malicious, or even a deliberate thing, just that while he'd been out of their lives, they'd moved on and he was left behind."

Narcissa took a moment to digest that spot of information, before slowly nodding her head, biting her lower lip a moment she heard Andromeda sight wearily. "Just tell me where he is, and I'll go fetch him."

"Currently?" Narcissa arched a brow slightly as a slight tug curled on the corners of her mouth. "The last I saw him, my son was taking him to an unoccupied guest room."

Andromeda froze for a moment, before again, the frosty anger was back in place as she glared through the flames. "WHAT did you say?"

"He's here. Draco refused to leave him in that state and when he couldn't find out just where it was that the young man was staying, he brought him here." Narcissa answered with a calm collected tone as she discreetly wiped away the tear stains from her cheeks.

"Why the bloody hell didn't that idiot just take him to his friends then?!" Andromeda was growling again, not a good sign at all, Narcissa noted.

"Because, this idiot isn't stupid enough to drop something like that on Potter's friends and expect to live." A new voice spoke up as Draco strolled back into the room. "And my fiancé would prefer me still breathing." The man paused a moment, studying the face in the flames for a moment, before slowly shaking his head. "Not to mention what Potter himself would do for revealing that to them."

Andromeda studied the man for a moment, before giving a slight, reluctant nod of his head. "I suppose I can understand that. Let me through and I'll take him home."

Both sisters both froze in shock at the response Draco gave. "No."

"No…?" Andromeda's eyes grew flinty, hard as she glared back at her nephew. "And tell me, why exactly is that?"

"Because staying with you isn't helping." Draco shot back as he brought his arms across his chest. "And you have enough on your hands with your grandson."

"And I'm supposed to just let you take care of him?" Andromeda countered as she glared right back at the man. "How many times did you try to kill him again?"

"None." Draco countered with the slightest curve to his lips. "I tried to hex him and curse him plenty… But, to be perfectly honest, he always scared me too bloody much for me to try to kill him."

Andromeda grit her teeth, and glared a bit at the boy as she let off a slight growl of displeasure. "And your father?"

"Knows just how deeply we're in Potter's debt." Draco paused a moment, before shrugging just a bit. "Of course, if you don't believe me, you could always stay over and watch us yourself."

"What?" That made Andromeda blink as Narcissa stared, speechless at her son, her mouth hanging slightly open.

"I'm not letting Potter go until I'm sure he won't drag his idiotic Gryffindor ass back into a bottle." Draco stated bluntly. "So, you can either curse us through the floo, or you can come over and watch us like hawks so we don't do anything untowards to him."

"But, Teddy…" Andromeda immediately began to protest as she stared at the young man in a state of confused shock.

"Then bring my cousin with you. Merlin knows we have enough bloody rooms." Draco rolled his silver eyes just a bit as he gave the woman a look.

"Lucius…"

"Will be on his best behavior." Draco interrupted as he glanced towards Narcissa. "Isn't that right, Mother?"

"Ah, yes, yes quite." Narcissa simply continued to stare at her son in a bit of a daze as she struggled to work her head around the implications of what her son was offering.

For a moment, Andromeda visibly torn as she glanced from Draco to something over her shoulder, before finally, she gave off a growling sigh as she glared at the boy. "Fine. We'll be there in the morning."

"See you then, Aunt Andromeda." Draco agreed, almost smirking as he watched the woman widen then narrow her eyes darkly at the boy as she cut off the floo connection before glancing at his mother. "Well, that was fun, now if you'll excuse me, Mother, I have a batch of hangover cure to brew."

"Stop." The woman almost barked out as she lightly glared at the boy who had begun to walk away. "What did you just do?"

"Why, I do believe I got your sister to agree to stay here for the length of Scarhead's rehabilitation." Draco paused a moment, lightly tapping his chin as he did so.

"Rehabilitation?" Narcissa challenged as she narrowed her eyes at her son. "And when exactly did this go from an overnight stay, to a rehabilitation? And what on earth makes you think I'd agree to it?"

"Because, as long as he's rehabilitating here, you have a chance to patch things up with your sister and get to know your grand-nephew?" Draco calmly examined his nails for a moment before glancing up at his wide eyed mother. "Anything else, Mother?"

"… Draco, this has to positively be the most Slytherin thing I have EVER seen you do." Narcissa stared at her son with new eyes as she couldn't help but shake her head. "When did you…?"

"I'm getting married, Mother, and I'd like to have my family, my WHOLE family there." Draco paused a moment as he slowly shook his head. "After the war… All that talk of blood purity, after everything we learned… No offense, Mother, but I refuse to let the Malfoys go down the same paths as the Blacks. We both know where that leads."

For a moment, a flash of pain and guilt fell across Narcissa's eyes, before slowly quietly she nodded her head, as she whispered her own admittance. "Yes, we do."

-o-o-o-

Harry groaned softly as he slowly pushed himself into the realm of the living, through the familiar, throbbing pain of a hangover as he blearily began to look around. For a moment, he merely used his hand to cover his eyes against the bright expanse of light, stabbing into them through an open set of windows before he began to fumble around as he searched his surroundings for a sign of familiarity. It wasn't his room, he'd long since thrown up thick, heavy curtains over the window there to prevent just this sort of situation.

As he fumbled through the fog of pain, another fact slowly pushed itself home as he belatedly realized he was completely naked. Lying on fine, smooth linen sheets. Without his glasses or his wand. And once more, Naked!

"Oh bloody hell, what did I do this time?" Harry mumbled softly as he shook his head and blearily began to fumble around searching for his glasses.

"Other than be your usual, idiotic Gryffindor self, Scarhead?" A painfully familiar voice drawled.

With a resigned slump of his shoulders Harry turned his head towards a vaguely blurry figure sitting in a seat across the room from him with a familiar shade of blonde. "Bloody hell, what do you want, Ferret? Where the hell am I?"

"Malfoy Manor." The man answered with a slight chuckle, before wrinkling his nose. "And right now, I want you to take a bloody shower, cleaning charms can only do so much."

"Joy, where I've always wanted to revisit." Harry spat as he glared angrily at the man. "Why the bloody hell would I do anything you say, Malfoy?"

"Because, I'm the one with the hangover cure?" The blonde answered with a smirk Harry couldn't quite see, but could practically hear on his lips as he held up a bottle in the air.

"How do I even know that's what it is, not something to poison me?" Harry countered as he continued to glare, even as his eyes had affixed themselves to the bottle in the man's hand.

"Because, it would have been easier for me to have just fed it to you while you've been passed out since I brought you here last night?" Draco shook his head and chuckled slightly. "Really, I know it's difficult, but you've shown you CAN use that head of yours when you want, Potter."

"Because, you've shown me ooooh so much reason to trust you in the past, Malfoy." Harry spat back sarcastically with an acidic growl. "And do recall, I've apparently been dragged to this damned place AGAIN against my will."

"Yes, but I do believe you'll find your accommodations far superior this time." Draco offered up with another of those smug smirks before shaking his head as all of it suddenly drained away as a hardness entered into the man's voice. "And I wasn't going to let you drink yourself blind then crawl down into the sewers."

Harry flinched back at the accusation I the words as he looked away, suddenly refusing to meet Draco's gaze. "Where'd you get a damned foolish idea like that, Malfoy?"

"You," Malfoy said sourly as he lightly glared at the man. "Not to mention I was bombarded full force by the way you reeked of it when I half carried you here."

"Why the hell did you even bring me here then?" Harry snapped back as he suddenly again glared at the man.

"Because, imagine my surprise when I contacted all of your old friends, and not a single one of them could tell me where you lived," Draco stated those words with a calm measuring glance, studying the way Harry's eyes immediately fell down onto the sheets in front of him and his fingers clenched back into the sheets. "Originally I was going to just let you sleep it off, clean you up, give you some new clothes, breakfast and a hangover potion, then send you on your way, but now, I'm afraid I can't do that."

"Can't…?" There was a dangerous growl burning from the depths of Harry's throat as he began to glare, far, far more dangerously at the man in front of him.

"Yes, I discovered you had been staying with my Aunt, and my cousin." Draco stated with a calm he truly didn't feel. "As such, and judging by the way what I experienced last night is by no means an unusual occurrence, I refuse to put them through any more of this kind of suffering."

"Bullocks. What's the real reason, Malfoy?"

"Well, that IS a reason," Draco admitted with a slight shrug of his shoulders before glancing at the man. "The main reason, you wouldn't believe, so I'll give you one of the ones you will. Do you remember how we Malfoys are about family, Potter?"

Slowly, reluctantly, Harry nodded his head in quiet agreement, tension still rippling through his body. "Yes."

"Andromeda is my mother's sister. She's family and my mother has missed her since before I was born. As long as I have you here, 'rehabilitating,' she'll be here, to make sure that we're not trying anything underhanded. Which allows my mother…"

"To try and patch things up with her." Harry finished before his eyes narrowed dangerously. "And why should I go along with this?"

"Because, you get to make sure we don't try anything underhanded with Andromeda and my cousin." Malfoy answered with a cheeky grin on his face.

"She's bringing TEDDY here?!" Harry's eyes widened in shock as he stared in absolute horror at the boy.

"Well, there are far, far more empty rooms here than there are in her home." Draco pointed out with a slight look of amusement. "And of course, you'll be here to protect them."

"And she AGREED to this?!"

"She does want to make sure we're actually trying to drag you out of the gutter you've crawled into."

"What's to stop me from telling you to shove it, hexing you into oblivion and leaving?"

"Because you don't want the grandmother of your godson to be alone, when you could help repair the bridge between her and the only family she has left."

"… You're a right bastard, you know that, Malfoy?" Harry growled, his emerald eyes flashing. "Where's the bloody shower?!"

"Wonderful, the elves will have something for you to wear down to breakfast when you're done, I'll leave the Hangover potion on the stand with your glasses and wand." Pausing a moment, Malfoy lightly tapped his chin. "Oh, and please do shave, my fiancé and her sister will be joining us, along with my mother."

"… Just when I think I can't loathe you anymore."

"Does this mean you won't be my best man at the wedding?"

Harry just glared at the smirk he just KNEW Draco was wearing before standing up and stumbling his way to the door the blonde had directed him towards.

-o-o-o-


	25. HP: Between the Lions

Between the Lions

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is the Property of Rowling

Author's notes: This is why AJT and I should be heavily monitored while we chat on IM.

-o-o-o-

"... How the bloody hell did I let you talk me into this, Scarhead?" Draco Malfoy grunted angrily as he kept Ron Weasley's broken wand aimed purposely towards their foppish Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.

"Because I pointed out that you're a slimy git with no real friends where your only claim to fame is running and crying to your daddy to fix whatever problems you get your arrogant ass stuck in?" Harry offered up with a helpful tone and a grunt as he leaned down and suddenly hissed to the snake on the sink. "_Open!_"

"And again, how does this end with me helping you in your insane scheme to save the Weaslette, with our DADA teacher at wandpoint?"

"I'll be happy to wait here for reinforcements?" Gilderoy Lockheart offered hopefully as he nervously eyed the wands trained on him even as he watched the entrance to the Chamber of Secrets open. "So you boys can go charging off to save the day."

"Because, with Ron AND Hermione BOTH stuck paralyzed in the Medical Wing, you shot off your mouth like an idiot?" Harry countered, completely ignoring what the man was saying as he kept his wand trained on him. "And after I finished yelling at you, you said I was wrong, and I told you to prove it."

"Ah yes, somewhere along there you must have hit me over the head and have left my mind completely addled," Draco responded as he nodded his head, gripping the wand even tighter, muttering under his breath. "I can't believe I'm acting like a bloody Gryffindor!"

"Why don't I leave you two to your discussion, I'll just be right over here, watching the door..." Lockheart tried again, beginning to inch towards the doorway before he felt Harry jab his wand into his side.

"Oh no! You're going too!" Harry growled, cutting off the man's escape.

"Oh, right, of course, silly me." Lockheart paused a moment as he glanced towards the looming opening. "So, um, down there, right?" When both boys nodded emphatically, the man hesitated a moment. "I don't suppose we can talk about this?"

"_Expelliarums!_" Harry shot out the spell, knocking the Professor backwards through the opening and quickly tumbling down the hole.

"Well, that was a bit rude, you didn't even wait to see if he was ready." Draco drawled dryly as he smirked back at Harry.

"He's a lying git." Harry countered with a grunt. "And he tried to oblivate us both, remember?"

"I'm still debating the merits of letting him remove this little slice of my life," Draco answered in turn. "Me, of all people, acting like an idiotic Gryffindor…"

"Could be worse." Harry shot back as he suddenly grinned at the blonde boy. "You could be acting like a cowardly git of a slimy Slytherin."

"… Oh, how I loathe you, Potter." Draco grumbled slightly before giving the boy an odd look. "You're not going to blast me down the hole as well, are you?"

"Depends, you going down on your own?" Harry smiled sweetly back at the boy, even as Draco glared back at him.

"Words cannot express the depths of that loathing, Potter." Draco growled slightly before nervously glancing at the waiting entrance. "Merlin, I can't believe I'm actually doing this."

With that said, Draco took a deep breath before practically leaping into the waiting entrance, his yowling voice heard echoing up from the depths. Blinking slightly, Harry grinned just a bit as he nodded his head before musing aloud. "Huh, maybe he's not so bad after all."

Grinning just a bit, Harry leapt forward and followed Draco down the sliding fall, before grunting slightly as he found himself landed directly atop an annoyed looking Draco. An annoyed looking Draco without a wand in his hand. "Oof! Get off already, Scarhead!"

"Um…" Harry quickly rolled off the boy, before blinking a moment. "Malfoy? Where's Ron's wand?"

"That would be here." A cheerful voice spoke up, as Harry caught sight of a happily grinning Gilderoy pointing his wand directly at the boys as he stood before a gigantic, shed snake skin. "I really must thank you two for sending me first. Otherwise, well... I might have actually had to accompany you on this silly little trip of yours!"

"… You let him have Ron's wand?" Harry stared incredulously at Draco, who merely shrugged back at him in response.

"Well, I wasn't exactly expecting to fall flat on my face you know. And he was there, waiting for me to land." Draco shot back defensively before sneering back at him. "Besides… It's the Weasel's wand."

Recollections filtering through his mind, Harry slowly, carefully nodded his head. "Ah… right." Slowly turning his head, he regarded Lockheart carefully. "What exactly are you going to do with that?"

"Well, sadly I arrived too late to save the poor Weasley girl." The man put on a rather tragic face and he sighed dramatically. "And as I battled the basilisk, you two were so overcome with horror that you simply lost your minds… Fortunately, I was able to bring with me a few scales, proving that I'd slain the foul serpent, even with the tragic loss of three young lives."

"How about you just oblivate the last hour or so from me?" Draco offered casually as he shook his head. "I really didn't want to be here in the first place."

"Sorry, I'm afraid I really can't take that chance, you know how it is." Lockheart shrugged in mock apology before smiling at the pair. "Any last words?"

Glancing over at Draco for a moment, Harry looked back at their teacher and shook his head. "Um, I really, REALLY don't think you want to do this, Sir."

"Too late to talk me out of it." Lockheart countered, before firmly thrusting the wand at the pair of boys. "OBLIVATE!"

The resulting spell blasted back into the man, knocking him soundly against the wall as it completely wiped away his mind. Finally pulling out his own wand, Malfoy smirked a bit as he approached their fallen teacher, and lightly poked at the man a moment. Glazed, almost empty eyes met the silvery eyes of the boy, as a vacant smile fell across the man's lips. "Oh, hello… Who're you? Do you know who I am?"

"You set him up." Harry stated simply as he gave the blonde boy a light glare.

"Why do you think I kept the Weasel's wand instead of using my own?" Malfoy sneered back at the boy, before smirking just a bit. "The man's a bloody fool. Besides, he didn't do anything to himself that he didn't want to do to us."

"Fine." Harry sighed slightly and shook his head. "You get your wish, get the git out of here, I'll find Ginny on my own."

"I'm not babysitting him so you can tell everyone about how I turned tail and ran, Potter." Draco glared back at the black haired boy, before turning and walking down the tunnel. "Let's go already."

"What about Lockheart?" Harry arched a brow carefully as he studied the boy, even as he fell in line along side him.

"Well, if we even bloody live through this, we can pick him up on our way back." Draco grunted softly, before his lips twitched slightly in amusement. "Besides… I want to see the look on the Weasel's face when he realizes I helped save his sister."

Letting out a sigh of relief, Harry nodded quickly. "Oh, thank Merlin."

"…What?" Draco paused a moment, glancing back at the boy.

"I worried for a second you were actually turning into a decent bloke."

"Funny, Scarhead, funny."

-o-o-o-

"… A dead end?" Draco paused a moment, and stared at the carved stone in front of them, and blinked slightly. "Well, that's a bit anticlimactic."

"Draco, we're in Slytherin's bloody Chamber of Secrets." Harry shot back as before he suddenly hissed out in parseltongue. "_Open up you bloody thing._"

"_No need to be rude about it!_" The door suddenly hissed back indignantly even as it began to slide out of the way.

Blinking a moment in surprise, Harry stared at the door a moment, before pinching the bridge of his nose as he hissed again. "_Sorry, it's just been one of those days._"

"_Just don't let it happen again!_"

"Do you have any idea how unsettling it is, to have a bloody Gryffindor doing that?" Draco huffed slightly as he glared at Harry, arms crossed about his chest.

"Well, we could always trade, you can be the Boy-Who-Lived, be on Voldemort's hit list and I'll be the spoilt rich boy." Harry snapped as he glared lightly at the blonde boy, and growled in turn.

Draco paused a moment to make a particularly scathing remark, before stilling and shrugging just a bit. "Let's just get this over with."

As they stepped forward into the newly revealed chamber, they froze, staring in a slight mix of awe and apprehension as they glanced around, taking in the sights of the long, pillared room. At the end of it, a tall statue stood, proud and stern as it glared almost angrily forward. After a moment's study, Harry opened his lips to speak.

"Looks kinda like a monkey, doesn't he?"

Draco paused, before staring at Harry in positively outraged fury. "That's _Slytherin_! As in Salazar Slytherin!"

"Still looks like a monkey." Harry countered with a slightly sullen glare before he suddenly caught sight of a crumpled form at the foot at the statue. "Ginny!"

As Harry immediately rushed towards the crumpled girl, Draco followed after him, muttering quietly under his breath about 'idiotic Gryffindors.'

When the boy dropped his wand to pick up the girl trying to rouse her, Draco rolled his eyes slightly before he crouched down next to Harry. "Well? How is she?"

"Ginny? Wake up!" Harry frowned as he lightly shook the unnaturally pale girl and before shaking his head glancing up at Draco. "She's not waking up, we need to get her to Madame Pomphrey!"

"Now, I'm afraid I can't let you do that." A smugly sneering voice interrupted them from behind, leaving both boys to whirl around, just in time to find a smug, dark haired teenager smirking at them, and blasting Draco with an expelliarmus before the boy could bring his wand to bear.

"Who the bloody hell are you?!" Draco glared up at the older boy, his eyes narrowed into silvery slits as he quickly flicked his eyes to where his wand had flown.

"Ah, the little Malfoy brat." The older teen sneered down at the blonde and shook his head. "What, somehow managed to find a spine after all? I suppose you are your mother's child then, such a shame she's going to have to face the tragedy of losing her only child, so young."

"Who are you?" Harry repeated, his eyes narrowed even as he desperately tried to find something he could use to defend himself.

"Really, haven't you figured it out yet, Harry? You are the one that found me, after little Ginny tried to get rid of me."

"Tom Riddle?!" Harry stared with a kind of sickened fascination as he stared at the boy in front of him, his fingers uncomfortably clenching back into his palm.

"A memory of the original, at least. Hidden and stored in that wretched diary for fifty long years…" A sneer of distaste sprung across the teen's face as he shook his head in anger. "I came so close to properly purging this school of the muggleborn and half blood trash… so very very close! But then that fool Dumbledore kept closing in."

"So you framed Hagrid to keep suspicion off of yourself." Harry finished, his eyes flashing. "But Dumbledore…"

"I spent YEARS searching for this place! My legacy!" The boy almost seemed to froth at the lips as he glared angrily down at the boy. "I was NOT about to let everything just slip away!" Suddenly, the teen calmed, a cold, reptilian smirk crossing his lips. "So, I saved my memory in my journal… waiting for the day when some foolish little child would find me, and allow me to finish my work."

Draco watched the exchange with a kind of sickening fascination. Here it was, what he'd been proclaiming he'd stood for to anyone willing to listen for the past two years. The things his father had always proclaimed came rushing to the surface and he simply stared, caught up in the uncertainty of the moment.

"And this foolish, foolish little girl... All she's written to me about her fears, her hopes, her feelings... It was really all I could take to play the part of the sympathetic friend. Waiting as she started to pour herself into it, pouring her soul into me. And that let me pour myself back into her, and take control." The memory of Tom sneered down at the girl, waving Harry's wand for effect.

"You used her to do all those things." Harry breathed out, his eyes burning even hotter as he glared up at the image of a teenager. "The writing on the wall, the Roosters, opening up the Chamber."

"Yes, and she in turn, told me all about YOU." Tom emphasized the word with a jab of his stolen wand down at the boy. "And, let me tell you, I was oh so happy when you found me after she finally started to realize an inkling of what I was doing to her."

"So she stole it back." Harry shook his head and slowly, angrily glared even more at Tom.

"Who knew the Weaslette had it in her." Draco muttered dumbly as he managed a glance over towards the girl before locking his eyes again Tom.

"Which lead me to have to force her down here, for two very important reasons." Tom agreed, ignoring Draco almost completely as he continued his little dialog. "To finish draining away what's left of her life, and to lure her hero, Harry Potter down here to save her, so we could meet, face to face."

"Why?" Draco found himself asking, his eyes staring at the teen, confusion actually venturing onto his face. "Why are you so focused on Potter?"

"Because, I want to know how a child, how an INFANT could possibly have defeated Lord Voldemort!" Tom answered with a hiss, his eyes burning towards Draco for a moment, before fixing back onto Harry. "How a babe could have cast down the most powerful wizard of the age!"

"Why the bloody hell do you care?!" Harry growled softly back as he could feel the way Ginny slowly seemed to be losing warmth against his arms.

"A little slow on the uptake, are we, Harry?" Tom chuckled coldly as he shook his head, before lifting his wand wand into the air. "My mother... The weak, wretched, unworthy creature that she was, bound my father, my pathetic, muggle father, with a love potion. She gave me his name, along with her father's. Tom Marvolo Riddle."

And with a sudden sweeping series of slashes Tom wrote the letters into the air, in a glowing, pulsing scrawl before suddenly swiping his wand against them. In a flash, the letters scattered, scrambling around until finally they rearranged themselves into a single, terrifying sentence: 'I am Lord Voldemort.' As the two school boys gaped in absolute shock, they could hear Tom's hollow chuckle.

"After all, it wouldn't do to have the most powerful wizard of the age, the direct descendant of Salazar Slytherin himself, held down by the pesky foolishness of a muggle's name, now would it? Especially not a muggle that abandoned my mother and left her to die, unwed and alone."

"A half-blood... my father... my father swore himself to a bloody half-blood?!" Draco could only stare in absolute, horrified shock as he could almost literally feel his entire world shatter around him. "A half-blood bastard at that?!

"Yes, yes, really boy, you should feel honored to die at the hand of the great Lord Voldemort! In the end, you're of little consequence after all, just a means to an end. Just like your pathetically weak father before you, so easily seduced, so easy to cow." Tom waved his free hand negligently, looking down at the boy as if he was nothing more than a bug. "So quick to think me gone, so eager to claim his innocence of the crimes he reveled in!"

"... Greatest wizard of the age?" Harry stared at Tom for a long moment, before shaking his head. "The most powerful wizard of the age is Albus Dumbledore, and everyone knows it. He probably saw through your little scheme when you were in school and he'd still more powerful than Voldemort!"

"Fool! Albus Dumbledore has been driven from this school by the mere MEMORY of me!" Tom hissed back at the boy, his eyes burning darkly.

"Um, no. He was driven off by Draco's father." Harry countered, gesturing towards the still completely shocked blonde boy. "And even then, he's probably closer than you think."

In a sudden flash of fire Fawkes appeared, his song filling the chamber as he dropped the Hogwarts Sorting Hat down into Harry's lap, before settling down on the boy's shoulder. Tom blinked a moment, and stared, before giving Harry an amused, incredulous look. "That's it? THIS is what the _great_ Albus Dumbledore sends his allies? A pathetic little hat and an oversized song bird?"

As the phoenix let off an affronted trill, Draco couldn't help but let off a half mad laugh as he shook his head. "I don't think the phoenix agrees with you." Pausing a moment, Draco seemed to ignore the angry glare Tom sent his way. "Though, this IS Dumbledore we're talking about, the man's bloody well bonkers." Lightly tapping his chin a moment, Draco couldn't hold back the crazed grin on his lips. "Of course, Potter's still right. Dumbledore is still more than strong enough to scare you."

"Enough of this childish prattle!" Tom hissed, angrily as he suddenly turned his attention back to Harry, jabbing his wand directly at the boy. "TELL ME! How did you manage it?!"

As the anger built inside of Tom, Harry could practically feel Ginny fading in his arms, causing him to pause a moment, considering his options before he gave a half grin towards the older boy. "I didn't. My muggleborn mother did. Gave her life to to protect mine."

His eyes burning even brighter Tom clenched his fingers tighter on the wand as he watched Harry carefully setting Ginny down before him. "Yes, I suppose that would be a powerful protection..."

"You think that's something? You should see Scarhead on a broom. He'll blow your bloody socks off." Draco laughed again, his silvery eyes seemingly half mad as he drew Tom's attention away Harry again.

"You truly are pathetic, Malfoy. Just a few simple words, and your mind shatters." Tom sneered softly as he lifted the wand and pointed it at the blonde boy. "I should kill you now, and put you out of your misery."

"Shatters?" Draco suddenly smiled, placidly back at the teenage version of Voldemort. "No, I'm just the distraction."

For a moment, Tom stared dumbly at Draco, processing his words, before suddenly, he could feel the touch of slim, surprisingly strong fingers grabbing hold of him. Fingers that he quickly realized _burned_ like nothing he'd ever felt before. Suddenly breaking into a scream, Tom shook, twisting and jerked backwards, dropping Harry's wand to the ground as he finally broke away from the boy and stared in absolute horror at the boy, who grinned breathlessly back at him even as he bent down and picked up his wand.

"I'll have to agree with you, Tom. It IS a very powerful protection, even against the memory of you apparently." As Harry raised his wand towards the still shocked teen, Draco scrambled to his feet, and quickly darted over to retrieve his own wand.

"Well, I have to admit, that was far more spectacular than I expected, Potter." Malfoy spoke up, grudgingly as he lifted his own wand even as a slightly annoyed sounding Fawkes again settled on Harry's shoulder. "But I think you ruffled the birdie's feathers."

Snarling in fury, Tom glared back at the boys before suddenly dodging out of the way as Harry could hear him begin to hiss in parseltongue. "_Speak to me, greatest of the Hogwarts fours!"_

"Oh, bugger." Harry noted the mouth of the statue beginning to open and quickly gripped his fingers tightly onto the hat and his wand as he glanced over at Draco. "Basilisk time… Do I need to remind you to not look in it's eyes?"

"Yes, because as I was insane enough to follow you down here, I obviously have a death wish." Draco spat back as he growled just a bit.

"That's what I thought," Harry agreed with a nod of his head even as he caught a glimpse of the massive snake starting to flow out of the statue. "Bugger, that's a bloody big snake."

"Well, Potter, I'd say it's been nice knowing you, but, it's because of you that I'm here in the first place." Draco drawled out as he shot his eyes towards the boy. "So, let me simply say: I hate you, Scarhead."

"Good to know, you poncy prat."

"_KILL THEM! KILL THEM BOTH!_" Tom's hissing scream filled the air as he gestured wildly towards the pair of boys.

"He sounded upset." Draco noted with a slight tinge of worry to his voice as he followed Harry as the black haired boy began to try and put some distance between them and the snake. "Actually, he sounded very, very upset."

"Bloody pissed actually." Harry agreed with a nod of his head.

"What'd he say?" Draco paused a moment before shaking his head. "Or, do I even want to know?"

"'Kill them. Kill them both.'" Harry answered back, before shrugging slightly. "Only, more, ya know… angry."

"Well, that's positively brilliant." Draco spat acidically as he glanced around. "Any ideas?"

"Kill the snake?" Harry offered helpfully.

"… A bit more of a plan than that would be good."

"Well, I figured I'd do what I normally do."

"And that is?"

"Wing it."

"Again, I utterly loathe you." Draco shot back, before suddenly Fawkes leapt off Harry's shoulder and took to the air, flying towards the snake before crying out challengingly before it swooped in and began to rip out the basilisk's eyes. "But, I find myself quite fond of that phoenix."

"Rather brilliant, isn't he?" Harry agreed with a quick nod of his head before blinking as the snake suddenly began to thrash around wildly even as Fawkes dove for the second eye. As one of those thrashing coils suddenly slammed towards them, Harry barely had time to squawk out. "Oh, bugger." Before they were both slammed back into the wall.

"That… was unpleasant." Draco coughed softly as he almost fell to his knees as the coils spasmed away.

"_Stupid bloody serpent! Taste them! Follow their scent in the air!_" Tom screamed out as the basilisk paused, forcing past the pain as it suddenly flicked its tongue out, tasting the air as it searched for its prey.

Groaning softly, Harry pulled the Sorting Hat atop his head. "A little help here?!"

"A little, or a lot?" The Hat asked back curiously as it glanced down at the boy it sat atop.

"All the bloody help you can give us!" Harry screamed as he watched the serpent suddenly lock its eyes on their location.

"Great, thanks so much for telling the giant basilisk exactly where we are, Potter." Draco snapped back, even as the Hat constricted sharply and Harry winced as he felt a pair of impacts on his skull.

"Ow! Bloody…!" Ripping off the hat, Harry stared before he pulled out a gleaming, silver sword, the passed the hat to Draco. "I think this one's for you."

"… How come you get a bloody sword and I get… THIS?" Draco growled slightly as he lightly held up a dagger.

"Would you rather I take it back and leave you with nothing?" The hat shot back sourly as he glared at the boy. "I'll do it you know!"

Any further discourse the pair might've had was immediately interrupted by the sudden lunging of the massive basilisk that moved to engulf them both within it's maw. In a sudden hiss of pain snake suddenly flinched back, as it felt two blades shoving into the soft, vunerable flesh of his mouth, piercing into it's brain even as two arms found themselves pierced on it's fangs. An instant later, there was a ripping sound, rising into the air as the two boys were flung out of the serpent's mouth, each with one of the snake's torn fangs embedded in his arm.

As they landed with a heavy, damning thud, the pair took a moment to look at one another before glancing down at the torn off fangs in their arms and rapidly tugging them out in unison. Only, it was already too late as they could feel the cold numbness of the poison seeping into their bodies. Their voices rose in unison to utter one single word. "Bugger."

"Well, not perfect, but it'll do..." Tom sneered as he appeared once more, his face twisting into an ugly smirk as he glared down at the two. "You may have beaten my basilisk, but you'll be dead before you can save the girl."

"You know what?" Draco growled out, his silvery eyes burning as they locked onto the nearby diary, and suddenly tossed it to Harry. "I'm a sore loser."

Tom's eyes widened in horror as he watched Harry, basilisk fang still in hand, grin back at Draco before ramming it down through the diary. "And we're not going alone."

With a strangled scream, the phantom of Tom Riddle suddenly seemed to burst into a sickly green flame, before suddenly exploding into a cloud of sickly black mist that quickly vanished as if in a stiff wind. Both boy's managed a weak smirk at one another, before collapsing down as the boys' could feel the numbing chill of the poison burning through their bodies.

"Heh... I can't believe I'm dying like a bloody Gryffindor!" A sudden, wet laugh escaped Draco's lips as he glanced over at the destroyed diary even as a crooning Fawkes landed between them, tears beginning to flow down his face.

"Yeah, well... better than... dying alone." Harry managed, still tightly gripping the bloody fang in his hand.

"If I had the strength to hit you... Scarhead... I would." Draco half closed his eyes as he felt the cold spreading all through his body, never even noticing the way the tears began to drip down into the gaping wound. "Ah well, at least we'll have a good story to tell on the other side, eh?"

"Yeah... Me and some stupid git got killed by a diary and his basilisk." Harry weakly laughed back as everything seemed to grow so very, very cold, even as Fawkes' tears began to flow into his own open wound.

Draco struggled to open his eyes, his whole body still so cold and numb. "And after we stupidly got swallowed... we shoved our pointy sticks up into it."

"You... you were brilliant, Fawkes..." Harry reached out lightly stroking the crooning phoenix with what felt like the last of his strength. "W-we... we just weren't fast enough."

"H-h-harry?!" Ginny had opened her eyes by now, and was staring in shock at the pair of them. "Malfoy!"

"Weaselette." Draco gave her a slightly crooked grin he managed to half open his eyes. "Do me a favor... make sure you rub it in to that prat of a brother of yours... that I died helping save your life."

"A jerk, even to the end, huh Malfoy?" Harry laughed softly, even as he frowned just a bit. "Huh... I don't... feel as cold anymore."

Draco blinked slightly as he felt strength slowly returning to his body as the cold, numb chill faded into a prickling warmth that flowed through him. "What the bloody...?"

"Fawkes... Fawkes was crying. Phoenix tears!"

For a moment, Draco merely blinked back at Harry as the slow trickle of understanding finally turned into a flood and he groaned, audibly as he shut his eyes and banged his head back against the ground. "Oh, bloody hell! I'm never going to live this down!"

"At least you get to live... Unfortunately," Harry said with a wry grin on his lips.

"I'd tell you to bite me, Potter, but thanks to you, the basilisk already did it for me." Draco shot back even as a slight grin curled on his own lips, before he groaned audibly. "My mother is never going to let me out of my sight after this!"

"... You two... are really weird." Ginny spoke up again, as she stared with wide, trembling eyes from one boy to the other.

"It's part of our charm." Draco answered, with a slight drawling smirk on his lips. "Is it working?"

Ginny stared in dumbed shock at the blonde boy for a moment, before scrunching her face slightly in consideration. "I'll get back to you on that."

"Heh, careful, Malfoy, if Ron finds out you're flirting with his sister…" Harry laughed just a bit at the way Draco rolled his eyes in response to his before unsteadily pushing himself up, using the sword in his hand for leverage before he glanced down at the fang in his hand.

Catching Harry's look Draco picked up his own fang and grinned slightly back at him. "Bah, the look on his face would be worth it…" Shaking his head he studied the fang in his hand a moment longer before grinning a bit broader. "You know, looks like I'm going to get that basilisk fang dagger I've always wanted."

"Really, REALLY weird." Ginny affirmed with a slight little giggle before frowning and shuddering as she caught sight of the basilisk, and shrinking down as the full weight of the situation crashed down on her shoulders. "Oh, Merlin, what did I do?"

Harry opened his mouth to reassure her, only to have Draco beat him to the punch. "You wrote in a diary. Admittedly, the whole diary writing back to you thing should have been a warning flag, but, you're a Gryffindor." When the girl immediately flushed in embarrassment and anger, and Harry moved to rebuke him, he again spoke up before they could. "So, that puts you in the same company as Scarhead over there and apparently me, though I still maintain he somehow managed to hit me over the head when I wasn't looking."

"And you just don't want to admit you're really a Gryffindor at heart." Harry shot back as Fawkes settled back down onto his shoulder as he gave the destroyed diary a good firm kick, sending it skidding along the stone flooring. "Ugh, if I ever see a diary again, any time in the foreseeable future..."

"Oi! Don't you three DARE leave me down here!" A muffled voice could be heard calling out as the three exchanged confused glances with one another before Draco groaned in recognition.

"The hat."

"Well, I've already got Fawkes, you can get the hat." Harry observed evenly before wincing as he felt the phoenix lightly tighten its talons on his shoulder. "Or, I suppose I should say Fawkes has me."

As the phoenix chirruped in approval, Draco cast him a look of betrayal before grumbling as he walked over to where the hat lay on the floor just in front of the basilisk, then picked it up and dropped it atop his head. "There, happy?"

"Ah, much better." The hat sighed happily as it smirked just a bit. "It's always so nice to get a ride from a true Gryffindor."

Draco immediately froze in place before his eyes lifted up and stared at the hat atop his head. "I'm a Slytherin, remember?!"

"Take a look at the dagger, my boy." The hat was practically chortling with mirth as warily Draco lifted up the dagger in his hand, then stared at it in absolute shock.

"Oh, you have got to be bloody kidding me!" Draco stared incredulously at the name emblazoned on the dagger and pointedly groaned out loud.

"I look forward to seeing you in Godric's house come September!" The hat just continued to laugh as Draco locked his silvery grey eyes onto a thoroughly amused looking Harry, then lifted dagger as he pointed it accusingly at the boy.

"YOU! This is all YOUR fault!"

"Quit blaming me because the Hat put you in the wrong house originally." Harry snorted slightly as he crossed his arms about his chest. "He's the one that did it, not me."

"Actually, I never sorted him." The hat answered as it mused aloud. "Was overruled by the governors, and to be perfectly honest, I didn't care enough to fight it. Let's see here... Oh yes, most definitely a Gryffindor."

"Oh, I WILL get you for this, Potter!" Draco hissed in outrage as he glared with ever increasing heat at the other boy.

"Bah, what're you complaining about, you get to be part of the best house in Hogwarts!" The hat grumbled audibly atop the boy's head, as all three children suddenly turned their attention fully onto it and stared at it in a moment of silence.

Finally, Harry spoke again. "Well, that certainly clears up why Hermione and the twins are in Gryffindor. The hat WAS made by Gryffindor himself after all."

"Hmph, stupid school regulations and bloody whining about needing to balance out the whole school." The hat muttered even more as he scrunched his face in displeasure. "All bloody Albus' fault. Wanting to diversify the school, BAH! If it was up to me, a third of those Weasley brothers wouldn't have been Gryffindors! But nooooo, I had to put them all together."

The group stared in absolute fascination as the hat seemed to continue on its rant, completely heedless of what the others around it heard. "And because I put both those twins into Gryffindor, I could only put one of the Patils into it with your year! And he made me offset her and Granger with that fluff for brains Puff if I ever saw one Brown!"

"Oh... so you don't think I should have been in Gryffindor?" Harry spoke up, his shoulders slumping slightly as the hat continued causing Fawkes to immediately pin the hat with an angry glare.

"What? Oh, please! Like there was ever a moment's doubt that you were a Gryffindor." The hat snorted softly as he ignored the way the phoenix's gaze bore down on him. "You represent one of my crowning achievements of this century, my boy! Only thing that was ever disappointing was when that bastard Riddle kept you from having a Weasley sized collection of siblings."

"What...?" Harry stopped and just stared at the Hat where it was perched atop Draco's head.

"Don't you know why Gryffindors are so often considered the best house?" The hat grinned down right maniacally at the group of children. "I've been breeding em that way for the better part of 1,000 years! The best of the best! And without any of that silly blood purity nonsense, I'm able to bring in all those delightfully brilliant muggleborns! A constant supply of fresh blood, new ideas and new possibilities for magical talents! Oh, be still my quivering heart!"

Draco's mouth worked in a steady manner, opening and shutting in completely dumbfounded shock as his eyes stared out ahead completely unseeing. After a moment, Harry walked over and waved his hand before the blonde's pale grey eyes, before blinking as he spoke up. "Huh... I think you broke him."

"Nah, just threw his brain into a kink like he's never encountered before. There are plenty of smart and powerful little blighters in Slytherin." The hat answered in a more conversational tone. "It's where I've been dumping the ones that are already closed off to new ideas. They're the ones who refuse to accept that a muggleborn can be better than a pureblood, because of what they are. Utter and complete poppycock I tell you!"

"What about Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw?" Ginny couldn't help but ask as she stared at the hat.

"Hufflepuff is where I send the ones who have the potential to be magnificent Gryffindors, but are determined to ignore it. Oh, how I wish I could've put Nymphadora Tonks into Gryffindor! Andromeda Black's daughter could have been so magnificent I tell you!" The hat sighed audibly before shaking itself slightly. "So, I leave them be, with the ones most likely to help nurture out the best in them. That in a few years, you'll see some of my hidden gems start to shine, I guarantee that!"

"And... Ravenclaw?" Harry was almost afraid to ask as he studied the hat as Draco slowly seemed to be coming back into a sense of lucidity.

"They're what Slytherins think Hufflepuff is." The hat glowered slightly. "Rowena was a smug bitch and her daughter is a whiny whore! I only wish I didn't have to condemn that poor Patil girl and the ones so dead set on being in the house of the 'smartest' witches and wizards' there. Ah well, pride bites em in the arse it does!"

Finally breaking free from his daze, Draco spoke up once more. "Then how do you explain bloody Longbottom?!"

"Ah, I still can't believe they let me slip that boy in so easily!" The hat laughed softly as it shook itself once more. "The son of two of the best Aurors of their generation, and they think he's nothing but a cowardly squib?! There's fire in that boy, waiting to be let loose on the world. And when it is, oh, how he'll knock em on their arses in shock!"

"You know, you sure know a lot for something that's supposedly locked up in the Headmaster's office all but one day a year." Draco noted with a wary glare at the amused hat atop his head even as he again began to move back the way they came in.

"Ha! Shows what you know then, bucko! I'm tied into Hogwarts herself! There isn't a damned thing that goes on around here that I don't know about!" The hat chuckled softly as he grinned at the kids. "I knew all about you the moment you set foot within her wards! I'm the one that basically runs this place after all!"

"... Then why're you telling us all this?" Harry finally asked as he continued to stare incredulously at the animated cloth.

"Two things, boredom, and there's no way in hell I'm not going to turn you two in to the best bloody Gryffindors you can be now! You two are the first to have drawn out anything of Godric's in so long... Oh yes, if they thought the Marauders were bad, wait until they get a load of what you two will do!"

"What about me?" Ginny's voice was small as she shifted nervously, watching the hat with wide, fearful eyes. "What're you going to do with me?"

"You? Oh, don't worry, I'm sure you'll make a fine little concubine for one of these two when you finish growing up."

For a moment, Ginny looked speculatively between the two boys, before addressing the hat again. "Will I get to choose which one?"

"Eh, sure, why not?"

"Deal."

-o-o-o-

"That... is a remarkable and wholy disturbing story." Albus Dumbledore noted as he stared at the two boys seated in front of him, one with the man's own phoenix perched comfortably on his shoulder, the other with the Sorting Hat draped almost roguishly at a slant atop his head with the safe and sound Ginny Weasley seated next to him. Each holding one of the weapons of Godric Gryffindor in his hand, along with a fresh basilisk fang in the other. "Lemon Drop?"

"Sure, why not?" Draco answered, ignoring the slight scowl on his father's face as he reached out and plucked up one of the candies from the headmaster's bowl and tossed it into his mouth. "And you think it's bad to listen to? Try living through it!"

"Eh, you get used to it." Harry offered with a slight shrug of his shoulders, before pausing slightly and glancing up at Fawkes. "At least I think so. What do you think, Fawkes?"

The phoenix gave off a chirruping melody of affirmation as he nodded his head, though with a trace of sadness to it. Ginny stared with absolutely wide eyes at the boy, as she couldn't help but blurt out. "You get used to it?!"

"I swear, you'll be the death of me yet, Potter." Draco drawled out with a slight shake of his head, before glancing over at his his father. "Though, look on the bright side, Father. You get to rub it in to the Weaselette's father that your son saved her life."

Lucius glared back at his son for a moment, before sighing slightly before pinching the bridge of his nose. "Honestly, Draco. Don't you understand how insane your mother is going to be when she finds out about this?"

"Of course I do. Especially when she finds out that this whole thing is your fault for slipping that bloody diary into the Weaslette's cauldron," Draco countered with a huff as he suddenly felt everyone's eyes turning onto him in absolute shock. "What? Didn't you see the way he looked at the bloody thing when you pulled it out? What I want to know is why the bloody hell he did it!"

"Yes, that's something I'd like to know myself." Harry agreed, his fingers gripping tightly onto the visible basilisk fang.

"Considering how things unfolded, I find myself in agreement with that as well." Dumbledore added, though not a single glance was sent in his direction.

"I have no idea where my son gets such absolutely wild and inane ideas," Lucius responded after a moment's silence, his words carefully measured as he spoke. "Of course, if I was going do such a thing, not that I ever would, mind you, it might be because I'd have figured that one of the most prominently Anti-Dark Arts pureblooded families would have taught their children to be wary of such artifacts, leading it to find it's way into the hands of a certain Wizard known for his defeat of a Dark Lord."

"But, why would you want to have the diary fall into Harry's hands?" Dumbledore queried, his eyes twinkling in confusion as Harry gave the old man a look before answering him flatly.

"I do believe he was referring to YOU, Sir."

"Oh. That does make a bit more sense then, doesn't it."

"I'm not so sure." Draco muttered quietly before palming the side of his face slightly, before giving a half lidded glance towards his father. "Oh, by the way. I've been resorted into Gryffindor."

"WHAT?!" Lucius' eyes nearly exploded out of his head as he stared in shock at his son. "This is... This is OUTRAGEOUS! I refuse to allow it!"

"Well, fortunately then that you don't have a say in it, isn't it?" The Sorting Hat asked almost rhetorically as it glanced towards Lucius. "The rules clearly state that after a student had performed a service to Hogwarts, I can resort them if I'm put atop their heads. Helping to kill a basilisk terrorizing the school counts as a service. Not to mention... He helped kill a bloody basilisk! Can you honestly tell me that ISN'T the Gryffindor thing to do?"

Lucius paused a moment opening his mouth to protest, before it would finally snap shut and he stared incredulously down at his son. "What on earth possessed you to do something so foolish!?"

"I maintain that some how Harry hit me over the head sometime I can no longer recollect and addled my mind." Draco responded calmly before shrugging slightly. "How else would you explain how much I enjoyed it?"

"… You are the one who is going to explain this to your Mother." Lucius was openly pressing his fingers against his temples before glaring at Dumbledore. "And you! Why are you bloody here! You were suspended!"

"Oh, that's right, I was, wasn't I?" Dumbledore paused a moment, before shrugging slightly as he held up his bowl. "Lemon drop?"

"…" Lucius paused a moment, and stared at the elderly man who shrugged in response to the blonde man's inaction and took one of his candies for himself. When it became apparent that Dumbledore wasn't going to volunteer any information, Lucius could feel his eyebrow twitching slightly. "Well?! What're you doing back here?!"

"Oh, that." Nodding his head for a moment, Dumbledore smiled at Lucius with his eyes twinkling merrily. "Why, as I recall, the other 11 govenors all asked me to come back once they found out about Ms. Weasley's kidnapping. It was the most curious thing in fact, a number of them had been under the impression that you'd been threatening to curse them and their families if they didn't go along with your plans."

Draco paused a moment before turning his head and glancing back at his scowling father, as he opened his mouth to speak, the Hat's voice suddenly preempted him. "Now you see, THIS is why you don't want to stay in Slytherin. You get a bunch of fake purebloods like daddy here thinking they're so clever just because I put them in that house, utterly deplorable I tell you."

"Fake purebloods?" Harry arched a brow a moment, as he glanced from the hat atop Draco's head, to the suddenly oh so very pale Lucius Malfoy. "You mean, he's not really a pureblood?"

"Ole man Malfoy just couldn't light the oven, so to speak." The hat cackled softly as leered down at Draco underneath him. "So, he did what most of the old inbred idiots do, paid an appropriately looking muggleborn to knock up his wife."

For a moment, Draco merely sat there, a look of contemplation on his face before he glanced up at the hat atop his head. "You enjoy doing that entirely too much."

"Which?" The hat grinned back down at the boy as it settled itself at a rather roguish angle.

"Playing the part of the all knowing and powerful Hat." Draco drawled as he crossed his arms about his chest.

"And if you keep being a smug little prat, I'll start showing you just what it is your Mummy and Daddy do in their bedroom while you're not around." The hat shot back, smirking down right evilly at the expressions that dawned across Draco and Lucius' faces.

"Now really, that's not a nice thing to do at all." Dumbledore noted, but made no further reproach as he lightly suckled on one of his lemon drops.

Harry stared at the man for a moment, before glancing up at where Fawkes was hanging his head. "I take it this isn't a new occurrence?"

As the Phoenix trilled sadly in confirmation Harry sighed and shook his head before addressing the Headmaster. "Professor Dumbledore, Sir?"

"Mmm? Yes Harry?"

"You don't mind that I'm going to keep your phoenix, do you?"

"Yes, I'm afraid I rather do, Harry."

"Oh, I'm sorry I'm going to be upsetting you then." Harry reached up and lightly stroked against the blinking phoenix's feathers.

"Quite all right then, as long as you're apologizing for it." Dumbledore nodded cheerfully as he smiled back at Harry. "You will take good care of him then? I am rather fond of him after all."

Ginny merely stared as she glanced from an overly Harry to Draco to Dumbledore to an equally incredulous looking Lucius Malfoy. "Um, Mr. Malfoy?"

"Yes, what is it, child?" Lucius seemed to come out of his daze and locked his eyes back onto the girl, looking more than slightly apprehensive.

"Would you be kind enough to take me to see my parents?"

"… You're asking the man that slipped you a soul stealing diary to take you to see your parents."

"I think you're the only other one here that wants to get away before we catch whatever it is they've got." Ginny pointed out simply.

"True." Lucius reluctantly agreed before nodding his head and strolling around and gesturing towards the door. "To the Medical Wing then?"

"Yes, thank you." Ginny nodded her head, before smiling suddenly up at the man. "Besides… can't you imagine the look on my parents face to see you escorting me there?"

Lucius paused a moment, as he looked at the girl speculatively for a moment before a slow smirk slid across his lips. "Why, Ms. Weasley, whatever would your parents say if they heard you talking like that?"

"That I'd been hanging around my brothers too much." Ginny answered simply as the odd pair strolled out of the headmaster's office.

"When did we all go insane?" Draco couldn't help but ask rhetorically as he glanced up questioningly at the hat.

"Albus started to go truly barmey before your father was born. Harry there was never meant to be the definition of sanity, and you? You lost it when you agreed to venture into the Chamber." The Hat smiled back down at the boy with a bemused tone. "Don't worry, you won't miss sanity at all. You'll have much more fun this way."

"Oh, right." Draco mumbled slightly and glanced over at the boy sitting next to him.

Harry merely shrugged his shoulders before reaching out, taking a pair of lemon drops from the HeadMaster's bowl and offering one to Draco as Fawkes glowered mildly at Dumbledore, but made not attempt to leave Harry's shoulder. "Lemon drop?"

"What the hell." Draco shrugged as he took the proffered candy from Harry and popped it into his mouth.

"Now, why can't I get people to do that when I offer?" Dumbledore pouted slightly as he glanced between the boys.

Harry studied Dumbledore a moment, before glancing over at the Hat. "Are you going to teach us the twinkle trick?"

Draco immediately perked up as he glanced up at the Hat himself while offering his own curiosity.

"That, I'm afraid, is one of Albus' one and true secrets. Not even I can ferret out how he does it." The Hat admitted with a slight frown as he glared towards the benignly smiling Headmaster.

"Teach me the twinkle, and I'll teach you how to get people to take the candy." Harry offered with a sage nod of his head.

"Hmm… I'll think about it." Dumbledore agreed as he nodded his head and smiled happily back at the boys.

-o-o-o-

As reality reimposed itself upon Ron, he was struck by a sight that sent him through an instantly disorienting loop. His little sister was chatting amicably with Draco Malfoy's father, while his family hovered around him. Blinking for a moment, Ron turned his head, glancing to the bed next to him where he saw Hermione blinking in idle curiosity between the man and then anxiously towards Ron himself. Turning back, he looked towards his mother before attempting to speak. "Um… Mum? Is this real?"

"Why of course this is real! Oh my baby boy is awake again!" The woman immediately enfolded the boy in a tight hug, sobbing softly against his shoulder as Ron's head turned towards where his father was smiling in relief.

"Um, Dad? If this is real… Why's Ginny talking to Draco's dad like they're chums?" Ron awkwardly hugged his mother back as he felt her tightening his grip on her body.

"Oh, that's because Draco helped save me!" Ginny offered up as she glanced over at her brother. "And really, Ron, is it so surprising that I might want to talk to the father of such a brave and dashing young man?"

Lucius couldn't help but grimace slightly at the description of his son. "Must you use those terms so loosely, my dear? I am still accustoming myself to the idea that my son is now a Gryffindor."

Ginny lightly patted the man consolingly on the arm as she nodded her head in sympathy. "I know this must come as a complete and utter shock to you. But, look on the bright side, think of all the new connections this will open up for you."

Lucius blinked slightly, before looking down at the girl with a calculating eye. "That's a remarkably mature, and Slytherin point of view, my dear."

"I spent most of the year partially possessed by one of the most prominent Slytherins of this century. I picked up a few things." Ginny shrugged slightly before leaning back a slightly serene smile on her face.

"You're one to watch out for, I'll say that much." Lucius' lips tugged up towards a smile as he inclined his head with a slight show of respect.

"Only if you're going to get in my way." Ginny responded, before smiling a bit more, batting her eyes up at the man. "You weren't planning on doing that, were you, Mr. Malfoy?"

"Um, mum, dad?" Ron spoke up as carefully as he could as he stared with wide, almost terrified eyes at Ginny. "You SURE this isn't a dream?"

"Honestly Ron!" Hermione huffed up as she lightly glared at the boy. "Why would you ask a question like that?"

"Because, the last thing I remember was catching up with you, then seeing a giant snake in your mirror. Now, I'm in the hospital wing, and my little sister is acting completely nutters!"

"Now, that's not a nice thing to say." A new voice drawled as Ron's head immediately snapped to the side and caught sight of Draco Malfoy, lightly strutting into the room, a shining dagger pushed into his belt and a gleaming, gigantic snake's fang clutched in his hand like a knife with the Sorting Hat tilted to the side atop his head.

"It was a bit rude, I know, but try to look at things from his point of view." There was Harry, smiling at Draco Malfoy, holding a matching fang in his hand, with a bloody sword stuck in his belt and Dumbledore's ruddy phoenix perched happily on his shoulder.

"… I take it back." Ron stated carefully as he slowly stared at the apparently quite chummy Harry and Draco. "It's not just my little sister that's gone nutters."

"Now, see? THIS is what I was talking about!" The hat immediately began to grumble as he glared mildly at the bedridden boy. "This almost doesn't make it worth it to have the other four in Gryffindor."

"You know for some reason I think we're going to want to be sitting down for this." One of the Weasley twins noted.

"Quite right, and with a large supply of alcohol on hand just in case." The other quickly agreed with a nod of his head.

"Oh, before we get into all of that… Father?" Draco spoke up, glancing at his father as he would shift slightly. "We do need to see about getting people down into the Chamber to see about skinning and harvesting the basilisk. I don't know about Potter, but I intend to be wearing that thing's hide as boots for the rest of my time in Hogwarts."

"Hmm… We can discuss the specifics of it after all this is done with." Harry offered up as he blandly glanced at his fang. "Along with my fee of course."

"What fee?" Draco narrowed his eyes back at the boy as he twitched just a bit in place.

"Why, do you know any other parselmouths that will open up the Chamber for you?" Harry asked with an innocent smile on his lips as Fawkes chirruped in approval on his shoulder.

"… Maybe there's hope for you yet, Scarhead."

-o-o-o-

Omake:

"_KILL THEM! KILL THEM BOTH!_" Tom's hissing scream filled the air he gestured wildly towards the pair of boys.

The basilisk paused, before flicking its tongue out into the air, before a curiously distinguished voice sounded to Harry's ears. "_Oh, dear me, I do believe I taste pureblood! Now, my contract clearly states I am NOT to kill any purebloods!_"

Blinking slightly dumbfounded, Harry almost stared up at the snake, before he couldn't help but ask. "_What does it say about half bloods telling you to kill purebloods?_"

"_Oh, my, another speaker? It's been ages since I've come across two at the same time! How delightful! Do you play bridge by any chance?_" The basilisk sounded positively delighted as he responded to the boy.

"_You stupid snake kill them! I am VOLDEMORT! I am the descendant of Slytherin himself!_" Tom was screaming out his eyes practically bulging out of his head.

"_He's also a half blood bastard._" Harry offered up as the snake glanced in consideration towards Tom. "_Father was a muggle his mum dosed with a love potion._"

"_A child born out of wedlock? Deplorable! Where have people's manners gone?_" For a moment, the snake considered before glancing from Tom to Harry. "_And your parentage?_"

"_Oh, my parents were quite married._" Harry quickly assured the creature. "_Though, I am a half blood, my mum was at least a muggleborn witch, not just a muggle. My dad? Old pureblood family. They were head boy and girl of their year._"

"_Commendable!_" The creature nodded its head, sounding positively delighted. "_Then, I don't suppose you'd be willing to renegotiate the contract? I never did really much care for the taste of wizards or muggles._"

"_Sure, how does defender of the school and being in charge of keeping the acromantulas from taking over the Forbidden Forest sound?_"

"_Delightful! I have been more than a might bit peckish._" The basilisk sounded absolutely thrilled at the possibility, nodding its head from where Harry could see.

"_YOU STUPID SNAKE! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO WHAT I TELL YOU!_"

"_Annoyingly loud little chap, isn't he?_" The basilisk turned its head and glanced at where Tom was practically frothing at the mouth.

Blinking a moment, Harry nodded his head sadly before grinning at a thought. "_Wait, is it true basilisk venom can destroy most anything?_"

"_Tragically so._" The admission came with a sigh as the basilisk hung its head. "_Makes it rather difficult to keep from ruining the taste of fresh spiders._"

Picking up the diary, Harry couldn't help but smile sweetly towards Tom. "_Then, do you think you could bite this with one of your fangs? The annoying one is using it to kill that little_ pureblood_ girl over there_."

"… _You know, I really don't care about all that beyond the terms of my contract, right?_"

"_Eh, figured better safe than sorry._"

"_Ah, too true. Shouldn't be a problem, looks positively flimsy, toss it here._"

"_NOOOOOO!_"


	26. Harry Potter and the Unmentionables

Harry Potter and The Unmentionables

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and Co belong to JK Rowling

Author's notes: Errrr... Um... well... Eh heh.

-o-o-o-

Vernon Dursley blinked for a moment as he stared at the figure standing there at the door and couldn't quite decide just how he wanted to react. Quite obviously, the man, decked out in a purple, crushed velvet suit, trimmed with white tiger striped faux fur was one of the freaks like the boy. The thick, horn rimmed glasses and the shaggy wild hair looked even less tamed than his nephew's did, and the bright white alligator hide shoes attracted almost as much attention as the thick gold rings on his fingers.

That alone was normally enough to send him into a frothing rage that would have purpled his face as he sent the man packing.

However, his companions were another story entirely. Tall, athletic and curvy in all the right places, their soft, creamy flesh was hugged oh so tightly by black leather catsuits unzipped just enough to show an ever so pleasant amount of cleavage. One brunette, the other blonde, they flanked the man on either side, their spike heeled boots putting them at the same height as their male companion, each of them meeting Vernon directly in the eyes.

The mix of signals caused the man to freeze up for a moment and miss exactly what it was the so garishly clad man had said. "Excuse me, what did you just say?"

"Why, my good man, you really should look into getting your hearing checked then, terribly bad thing to lose you know." The man nodded his head pleasantly as he would reach down, lightly patting a massive black dog Vernon hadn't noticed until now at his side. "I said, we're here to speak with Harry Potter."

"The boy?" Vernon blinked slightly, still in a daze as the words blurted past his lips and he stared incredulously at the man even as his face began to swell. "I won't have any of that freakishness in my house!"

"Freakishness?" The man blinked slightly before glancing down at the dog at his side. "Now now, Padfoot, that's hardly an appropriate thing to say!"

The dog, who had never even so much as made a sound as far as Vernon could tell, cocked his head to the side and looked back up at the man, who immediately straightened up. "Now, shirley you..."

Teeth were bared then as the dog glared back at the velvet clad man, who again paused, before pouting just a bit. "Ok, fine, I won't call you Shirley anymore. But you don't get to make any serious jokes."

"Thank Merlin for small favors." The brunette woman, who had a kind of ageless beauty to her that Vernon couldn't quite describe.

Both dog and man turned their heads back in unison at the woman while both somehow managed to convey the image of pouting in perfect unison as the man spoke. "Now that's just mean, Rom."

"Boys, we ARE on a bit of a schedule here." The blonde spoke up, her aristocratically beautiful features cool and aloof as she lightly glanced down at a delicate silver watch slung about her wrist. "And I do have places to be."

"Ah, right, right, Cis." The man quickly nodded his head, before holding up a purple cane, topped with a sparkling, miniature disco ball as he looked apologetically at Vernon. "Timetables to keep, you understand."

As Vernon opened his mouth to answer, the velvet clad man swiftly rapped the walrus-like man on the center of his forehead. Immediately, the massive man went as stiff as a board, before falling backwards with a distinctly wooden sound as bounced slightly as he impacted the ground. Nodding in satisfaction, the man stepped casually up onto the man, then over as he entered into the home without another moment's hesitation.

Pausing, he frowned just a bit and couldn't help but give off a shudder as he took in the décor of the room. "They decorate their homes like this, and they call US freaks?" He glanced back, just in time to see the large black dog lifting his leg over the frozen Dursley's face. "Padfoot!"

The dog immediately froze in place, before slowly turning his head and glancing towards the scolding look in the man's eyes. "You know better than that!" The man shook his head with obvious disapproval as the dog hung his head in shame. "If you needed to go so badly, you should have gone before the mission, now put that leg down!" When the dog seemed to pout, but none-the-less lowered his leg, the man nodded in approval and continued. "Of course, as soon as we have our meeting, the mission will be over and you'll be off the clock."

Instantly, the dog bounded over the frozen Vernon and raced eagerly up the stairs, before looking back down at them with a look of extreme impatience on his face. Sighing slightly, the man shook his head and pointedly ignored the look of horror on the horse faced woman who'd just walked in from the kitchen as he held his hand out and helped first the brunette then the blonde over the obstacle. "Careful there, a bit of a step that is."

"That's an understatement." The blonde muttered with more than a slight bit of sarcasm in her voice as she lightly glanced down at the man, before huffing slightly in disdain.

"W-who are you people?! What've you done to my husband?!" The horse faced woman stared in wide eyed shock as she beheld the freakishly garbed people so brazenly gallivanting in her home. "G-GET OUT!"

"Hmm... Ugly bird, isn't she?" The man noted with a shrug as he turned on his heel and pointedly ignored the woman's demand. "Would one of you ladies be a dear and deal with her?"

"Well, I suppose we really should," the brunette said as she lightly tapped on her chin. "He did go and take care of the walrus for us."

"And he was gentlemanly to make sure we didn't fall," the blonde readily agreed before frowning slightly. "He's up to something, obviously."

"Up to something?" The man echoed, blinking innocently back at the women. "Why, whatever could possibly make you say that?"

"You're being gentlemanly," the blonde answered with a knowing nod of her head before she suddenly pulled out a feather duster from somewhere, and handed it over to Vernon's still stunned wife's open hands. "Be a good housewife and start cleaning up the mess, will you dear?"

"I… I… Ah… Oui, but of course." The woman's voice suddenly found itself afflicted by a slight French tilt as she curtsied politely to the blonde then began to obliviously dust around the room.

"You frogged her?" The man winced as he glanced at the blonde. "Now, that was simply cruel and unusual, Cis."

"I swear, you're as bad as my husband is sometimes." The blonde rolled her eyes again as she casually began to sway up the stares. "How do you put up with it, Rom? All that pomp and bluster about the French this and the French that?"

"They are a superstitious, cowardly lot!" The man immediately protested again as he huffed slightly. "Always dragging us into their messes because they fumbled the ball!"

"Don't mind him, he's just especially sensitive about it considering one of our daughter's new partners." The brunette shook her head and chuckled slightly as she lightly leaned against the banister. "She really is quite the bright and well mannered girl. Though, it does seem like she keeps her wand shoved up her tight little ass. Reminds me of a certain someone I know and love."

"Bite me, Rom." Eyes flashing the blonde woman glared at the brunette before glancing over at the man and dog. "So are we going to get on with this already? Some of us DO have schedules to keep you know."

"I swear she's doing that just to get a rise out of me, you know that don't you, love?" The man in purple shook his head in exasperation. "It's hardly my fault your husband can't discipline you properly, Cis."

Her eye twitching slightly, the blonde actually growled back at the man, who grinned cheekily back at her before casually rapping his cane against the well locked door and smiling at the rapid clicks of locks turning sounded before the door swung in. Twirling his cane for a moment, the man sent a wink at the blonde before turning to face the room, only to immediately find a wand practically jabbing into his nose.

For a moment, he crossed his eyes and stared down at the wooden stick, before following the hand that held it all the way to a pair of flashing emerald eyes. "Who're you and what do you want?"

"My, quick little fellow, isn't he?" The man blinked for a moment before nervously nudging the snickering dog at his foot. "I do believe that's your cue?"

The dog barked suddenly, catching Harry's attention for the moment, as the wand never wavered, even as a flash of recognition fell across his eyes. "Hello, dog that may or may not be Snuffles."

The dog immediately snorted and looked affronted as he let off a soft whine at the boy, who refused to budge an inch. "Nu uh. You've got 5 seconds to transform and start telling me the name of my Patronus. Or I start cursing. 5…"

"Easy there, Harry!" Suddenly in an instant the dog was gone and in it's place was a gaunt, wry man. "It's Prongs!"

Relaxing visibly, Harry nodded his head, his want dropping before he suddenly kicked Sirius rather viciously in the shin. "That's for not writing me all summer."

Yelping suddenly, Sirius began to immediately hop on his uninjured foot, while clutching his shin. "Owww! You don't have to be so mean about it!"

"Excuse me for being a trifle upset at being stuck in this bloody room all bloody summer without even the smallest bit of contact from ANYONE but those bloody Dursleys!" Harry snapped back before glancing at the pair of amused looking women and the garishly dressed man who was struggling not to laugh. "So, who're your friends, and you had better be here to bloody get me away from this place before I go completely nutters." Harry paused a moment before shaking his head. "Not that I'm probably not already considering I'm not in the least bit shocked or surprised at seeing wizards dressed like that of all things."

"Hmph! I'll have you know this was the epitome of style and fashion…" The man immediately began before the brunette cut him off with a snicker.

"Eh, don't mind Ted, he still refuses to admit the 70s are dead and gone." Chuckling softly the tightly dressed woman lightly gestured to herself. "I'm Rommie, and this is my sister, Cissy."

"Charmed, I'm sure." Harry said flippantly as he took a moment to rub at his scar before gesturing sarcastically to his room before shuffling in. "Please, do come in."

Sirius frowned slightly as he took in the room and glanced around it, before turning his head and glaring angrily back towards the stairs. Catching Sirius' look, Harry waved his hand dismissively. "Give it a rest, Padfoot. They treat me like shit, always have. So, going to tell me what all this is about, and why I've been pretty much abandoned by my friends?"

"Ah yes, that is a bit of a sticky wicket." Ted spoke up as he twirled his cane in hand. "You see, a certain bearded man, who shall of course remain nameless…"

"To any reference but Dumbledore." Harry filled in sarcastically as he snorted slightly. "Right, what did the barmey ole coot do THIS time?"

"Harry, are you feeling all right?" Sirius cut in as he eyed the boy very, very carefully. "You're not… exactly acting like yourself."

"And, no offense, godfather, but how would you know?" Harry shot back as he glared lightly at the man before flopping down on the thing he called a bed. "You've spent a grand total of what... 3 hours with me since that Halloween?"

Sirius immediately winced again as he hung his head slightly. "Well, not like the Harry your friends have been describing to me."

"Oh, so they've been spending time with you, but me? Me I get stuck with the Dursleys?" Harry glared even more angrily at the man. "Gee, that makes me feel oh so bloody wonderful."

"Hey! Dumbledore's been keeping me as much of a prisoner as you! If it hadn't been for Ted and my cousins here, I'd still be stuck in that bloody awful place, forced to endure the foul shrieking of my mother's portrait and the insanity of her house elf!"

"Aunt Walpurgia always was a bit... vocal." Rommie agreed with a nod of her head as she lightly glanced at her nails. "Horrible, horrible woman."

"Yes, yes... Boo hoo, she cast you both out of the family. Wah wah." Cissy spoke up as she rolled her eyes. "Honestly, if you disliked our relatives so much, why do you even care?"

"It's the principal of the matter," Sirius responded hotly as he glared at the blonde. "Besides, you wouldn't understand. You're the one that got to stay."

"Yes, because I some how managed to allow myself to be conned into my bloody deep cover assignment to a greedy, inept little man who has little to no understanding about how to properly pleasure a woman." Cissy shot back with a twitch before shaking her head. "And sadly, our son takes after his father."

"Do they often completely forget that they're not alone?" Harry asked Ted curiously as the three relatives bickered back and forth.

"Quite." Ted agreed with a nod of his head and a sudden, silly grin. "It's more amusing when it's just Rommie and Cissy. Their cat fights are legendary."

"... I'll take your word on it." Harry agreed evasively as he suddenly poked at Sirius. "So, if you were a prisoner, how the hell did you get here, now?"

"Hmm? Oh, Rommie's daughter told them what was going on. So, they sprung me, and naturally I insisted that we immediately, like-wise, spring you." Sirius answered with an easy grin on his lips. "So, here we are! Ready to go?"

Harry stared back at his godfather, before pinching the bridge of his nose. "You know, I've spent the entire summer bloody alone, with the headache from bloody hell that won't leave me the hell alone, and nightmares like you wouldn't bloody believe. Now, all of a sudden, you show up, happy as can be, and ask me if I'm ready to bloody go?!"

"Um, yes?" Sirius offered helpfully with an innocent smile on his lips.

"... You're bloody packing my things then." Harry grumbled back at the man before crouching down to work off a floorboard and prying loose a board to gather the things he kept in it. "Of all the bloody things... What the was that old coot thinking anyway? Leaving me all alone?!"

"Well, technically you've been watched by his little Order." Ted spoke up helpfully as he shrugged his shoulders. "He just forbid them from having any contact with you."

"... Is there another school I could transfer to?" Harry spoke up, hopefully as he glanced at his godfather. "I know I can't go to Durmstrang because I'm not a pureblood, but, how about Beaux-"

Harry's mouth was immediately covered by Rommie's and Cissy's hands while they both sent quick, withering glares at Ted, before the man could open his mouth. Rommie turned her head back to Harry, and then offered him an apologetic smile. "Sorry, just no mentioning of anything French around Ted. He tends to be a tad... Sensitive about the subject."

"Bloody frogs." Ted could be heard muttering slightly under his breath.

"... And what exactly is your problem with the French?" Harry was suddenly affixing the man was a boiling glare that seemed to make Ted shrink in size while the rest of the group took a step back.

"They're bloody, cowardly frogs!" Ted shot back, glaring in defiance of the boy's temper as he crossed his arms about his chest and nodded firmly.

Or at least he did until a wave what felt like anger fueled magic slammed down on him as Harry fixed him with Sirius would later describe as the Full-On-Lily-Glare-Of-Doom and spoke. "I happen to know a couple of French witches. I know for a fact that they are most assuredly the opposite of cowardly. If I hear you with that bloody balderdash coming out of your mouth again, I WILL make you regret it, am, I , CLEAR?"

Ted blinked a moment, before turning his head and glancing at Sirius. "Right then, down right terrifying when pissed off, anything else you've failed to mention about him?"

"Well, as I understand it, he's gone through the entire gambit of Unforgivables." Sirius offered helpfully. "All from Voldemort himself. Threw off the Imperius, got back up from the Cruciatus..."

"Yes, yes, and everyone knows how I got this bloody scar." Harry muttered a bit and shook his head as he glared lightly at his godfather. "I've also killed a 1,000 year old basilisk that used to belong to Salazaar Slytherin with a metal, pointy stick that used to belong to Godric Gryffindor, driven off a bunch of Dementors to save myself and my dog of a godfather, after he lead one into my Quidditch match and cost me the game I might add." Harry paused a moment before lightly tapping his lower lip. "Let's see, pissed off that horntail, but that's public knowledge. Saved a French quarter veela from a lake..."

Harry paused again, before sending another glare at Ted. "Not one word." Seeing the man quickly holding up his hand in surrender Harry shrugged his shoulders. "And a host of other bouts of insanity I've had to endure. Now, what the bloody hell is all this about?"

"Cheeky little man, isn't he?" Cissy noted with a smirk on her lips as she lightly cupped her chin and slowly looked him up and down. "Ah, if only I were a couple of decades younger."

"Since when has that stopped you?" Rommie countered with a slight smirk as she glanced at her sister.

"Well, given the fact that he IS one of my son's classmates, even I do have to draw the line somewhere." Cissy answered as she lightly examined her nails. "Besides, I may not like Draco too terribly much, but I do still love my son."

"... Malfoy?" Harry blinked a moment, before turning his head and staring incredulously at his godfather. "You brought the wife of a bloody DEATHEATER here?!"

"Really, why do you think I was assigned to marry him?" Cissy rolled her eyes and smirked a bit back at the boy. "It certainly wasn't because of his sterling personality and business ethics."

"Besides, she's still my cousin." Sirius spoke up with a shrug, before Rommie quickly smirked back at him as she countered his point.

"So's Bellatrix, remember?"

"Ugh, I try to forget that little apple of the family tree." Sirius shot back with a grumbling grunt.

"So, again, what the BLOODY hell is going on with all this?" Harry cut in once more as he glared at his godfather.

"Well, Harry, have you ever heard of the Unspeakables?" Ted spoke up, lightly glancing as his disco ball cane.

"Not even a peep." Harry shot back as he crossed his arms about his chest. "What would that have to do with this."

"Well, surprisingly little to be honest. Bunch of stuck up ponces that like the pretend they're in the spy game you see." Ted lightly twirled his cane a moment, before grinning back at Harry. "But you see, while they are the Unspeakables... We, my boy, are the Unmentionables!"

"... Is he serious?" Harry couldn't help but ask as he stared in disbelief at his godfather.

"Of course not. I'm Sirius," Sirius responded with a huff as he crossed his arms about his chest.

"Now, Shirley you can't..." Ted immediately started.

"And don't call me Shirley!" Sirius countered with another huff and a glare.

"Well, then don't make with the serious jokes." Ted countered as he grumbled a bit. "The wordplay department is still up in arms about your last reports."

"Would you believe it wasn't me?" Sirius offered up with a hopeful grin on his lips.

"Indubitably, I would." Ted agreed with a nod of his head. "If I wasn't intimately familiar for your propensity for punning out your name, like it was some common strumpet."

"And people call ME bloody insane." Harry muttered under his breath as he eyed the two men.

"Oh, heard about the Prophet then?" Rommie noted as she idly glanced at her nails.

"Wait, what's the Prophet printing THIS time?" Harry turned his full attention onto Rommie with an almost frightening intensity.

"Oh, just that you're a lying, attention seeking little glory hound while implying that you were responsible for the Diggory boy's death and you completely and utterly made up the story about Voldemort's return." Cissy noted as she glanced at her own nails. "Doesn't help but that Fudge has been claiming the exact same thing."

"Ugh. I told that..." Harry paused a moment, before just shaking his head. "You know what? They can all sod off to hell for all I care."

"Well, that's not exactly the attitude we were hoping you'd have..." Rommie spoke up as she carefully eyed the boy. "We WERE hoping you'd have a bit more interest in helping out."

"It might've helped if I actually had some contact with people over the summer." Harry shot back. "Instead of, you know, being left to rot here while they're off doing whatever it is they're doing, listening to a daft fool that thinks he knows what's best for me. Seriously why the bloody hell does he even HAVE a say in what happens to me?!"

"He plays the Merlin card." Ted spoke up helpfully, before explaining as Harry stared back at him in disbelief. "Powerful, knowledgeable, kindly old wizard, acting in people's best interests. Plus, he's, or at least he was, Supreme Mugwump as well as Headmaster of Hogwarts."

"Yes yes, blindly follow the old coot who beat a Dark Lord half a century ago." Sirius muttered slightly under his breath. "Never mind how he left a newly orphaned wizarding child with a family that knows of and absolutely hates magic."

"Right then." Harry cut in once more as he glanced between the collection of rather... eclectic wizarding folks in front of him. "So, what do these Unmentionables have to do with me?"

"Why, we want you to join us of course!" Ted shot back as if it were the most obvious answer in the world. "We of course offer a wonderful benefits package and signing bonus."

"Um, to do what exactly?" Harry asked curiously as he eyed the group. "Because, I AM still a student you know, not a fully trained wizard."

"Eh, the training we'd give you." Rommie spoke up with a bemused grin on her face. "And you've already faced more than most of our more senior agents, so..."

"Again, to do what exactly?" Harry reiterated as he crossed his arms lightly about his chest.

"Why, to save the world of course!" Sirius spoke up with the biggest grin on his face. "Oh, it's absolutely marvelous Harry, the benefits alone...!"

"Now now, Sirius! No spoiling the surprises!" Ted chided lightly. "Besides, if you tell him anything and he says no, we'll have to oblivate him."

"Um, just for the record, the last person to try to oblivate me is in St. Mungos, lacking, well... much of anything left in his head." Harry offered up neutrally as he lightly glanced at the group. "Just to make certain you're aware of that fact should you try."

Ted opened his mouth again, before shutting it as he glanced at Sirius. "You didn't mention that little tidbit."

"I didn't know that particular little tidbit." Sirius countered as he glanced at is godson. "How on earth did you manage that?"

"Was really rather easy." Harry answered, suddenly offering a rather serene little smile back at them. "But, really, I'm afraid I can't tell you. Hush, hush you know. I'm sure you understand."

"You're right, Sirius, he is a complete natural at this." Cissy chuckled as she eyed the boy.

"Well, one does tend to do what comes naturally." Harry answered the woman back as he took a moment to study her. "And for some reason, I find myself with the oddest urge to ask you when was the last time you encountered someone who did that for you."

"Oh yes, he's quite the natural." Rommie admitted as she eyed the boy speculatively as Cissy seemed to blink in shock. "A bit rough around the edges, but I'm sure we can polish that right out."

"I call dibs on his infiltration training." Cissy spoke up quickly, suddenly eying the boy with a hungry gleam in her eyes.

"I thought he was too young for you, hmmm, Cissy?" Rommie countered teasingly as she winked at her sister.

"That was before he decided to show off his talented.... mouth." Cissy countered with a slight smirk on her lips.

"Ah, then I'll have to endeavor to rise to the occasion." Harry agreed with a nod of his head before he would smile almost rakishly at the woman. "However many times it might take to insure you're properly... satisfied with the end results."

Sirius stared at his godson, opening his mouth and gaping like a fish in absolute disbelief. Seeing the gobsmacked expression on his godfather's face, Harry smiled back at the man. "What can I say? I've always been a bit of a Bond fan."

"Ah." Ted immediately nodded his head in understanding before smirking a bit at Sirius. "Yes, quite right, he is a natural."

"So, again, saving the world?" Harry offered curiously as he arched a brow.

"As in the typical Bond-esque adventures." Ted agreed as he arched a brow and grinned at the boy. "Interested?"

"Hmm... What's the pay like?" Harry asked curiously as he studied the man carefully.

"Harry... you do realize that your father let you no small amount of inheritance, yes?" Sirius stared at the boy for a moment, before shaking his head. "Your grandparents were quite savvy business-wise."

"If you start with it's not about the pay, about but about honor and duty... " Harry warned as glared lightly at his godfather.

"Oh, nothing of the sort." Ted spoke up quickly. "The pay is actually quite good. Paid training included as well. Not to mention the, ahem, benefits."

"And again, you allude to benefits." Harry paused a moment, before eying the group, while Sirius snickered then whistled innocently.

"Well, we can't tell you that much about them without you accepting." Ted answered simply as he shifted uncomfortably.

"Plus, Ted is rather uncomfortable mentioning what the benefits would include for you specifically." Rommie agreed with a slight smirk on her lips.

"I remember well what happened a number of times with my, ahem, benefits." Ted countered as he eyed Rommie and Cissy meaningfully.

"Why, Ted, darling, I have no idea what you could possibly mean." Cissy answered with an innocent grin on her lips. "Why, Rommie and I were always so well behaved and strictly professional."

"Right. You, professional, uh huh." Sirius cut in with a soft, amused snickering.

"Well, to be perfectly honest. If I say yes, will I ever have to come back here?" Harry asked curiously at the group.

"No."

"Nu uh."

"No reason I can think of."

"Oh bloody HELL no!"

Everyone turned and glanced in amusement at Cissy after they processed her outburst.

"Where do I sign up then?" Harry asked with a curiously amused smirk on his lips.

Author's Notes: A Harry Potter that's a mix of Bond, Get Smart, and Austin Powers...

I couldn't resist.


	27. Naruto: Contracts

The Contracts

Disclaimer: Oh boy, I again blame this all on you know who you are. Naruto still belongs to Kishi though.

Author's Notes: Ehehehe... This is ALL AJT's fault!

-o-o-o-

Tsunade tossed down the hat just as she settled back into the chair. It was official, she was now Konoha's Fifth Hokage. For a moment, she turned her head and stared out at the four faces staring solemnly back at her from their pictures on the wall before shaking her head with a sigh as she settled back to pull out one of the bottles of sake she'd already snuck into the office. It was her first day after all, no one would begrudge her a little... celebration, now would they?

"Tsunade-sama?" Shizune's voice suddenly interupted her as she nervously popped her head through the door. "Um, there are some men here to, um... see you, err I mean the Hokage."

Frowning in slight irritation Tsunade glared slightly at her apprentice/secretary. "What do they want?"

"They won't say." Shizune apologized as she ducked her head. "They just say that it partially involves Naruto-kun."

"I swear if this is any of that demon brat crap..." Tsunade growled warningly, her eyes sparking in irritation.

"No no! Definitely not that!" Shizune answered quickly. "That much I'm pretty sure about."

"Fine." Tsunade growled a bit more sedately this time as she settled back into her seat. "Send them in then."

"Right." Shizune ducked her head back out the door, before a decidedly odd looking procession entered the room. Immediately, her eyes bore onto Jiraiya as the white haired sannin appeared, before flickering around to take note of his companions. Hiashi Hyuuga, Shikaku Nara and Kakashi Hakate.

"... What the hell is this about?" Tsunade twitched slightly, even as her eyes were firmly set directly onto Jiraiya, refusing to quite acknowledge the other men as gaze bore into her former teammate.

"Um, well..." Jiraiya shifted nervously before scratching the back of his head. "I'm here... to represent Naruto in a... um... well, let's say a delicate matter."

"I see... and the rest of you?" Tsunade flicked her eyes around the group, who shifted slightly, even the normally stoic Hiashi.

"I am representing my.... Neji." Hiashi spoke up, frowning a moment as he seemed uncertain of how to properly describe the relation in light of what he knew.

"I'm here for Shika." Shikaku answered with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Sasuke." Kakashi answered simply before shrugging a bit. "And as witness to how absolutely bat shit insane Minato-sensei was before he took down the kyuubi."

"... What the hell is going on here?" Tsunade growled as she glared at her former teammate.

"Well, you see... before he died, Minato made certain... arrangements for Naruto." Jiraiya shifted slightly as he nervously scratched the back of his head. "And, so did Kushina-chan."

"... And what arrangements, would that be, Jiraiya?" The warning tone had gone glacial as she glared at the white haired man.

"Hey! This was all Minato's doing, not mine!" The sannin quickly protested, his hands raising up. "So, don't go blaming me for this!"

"Indeed, as much as it does indeed reek of his influence, this was solely Namikaze-sama's doing." Hiashi spoke up in "support" of Jiraiya.

"Thank you, oh so much, Hiashi." Jiraiya spoke up with a biting edge of sarcasm heavy on his lips. "Anyway. As Kakashi said, Minato went bat shit insane, and Kushina didn't help things any either. The end result of which, was, well..."

"Tsk, troublesome." Shikaku sighed before shaking his head. "Shika, Neji and Sasuke, among others are all contracted to marry Naruto."

Tsunade turned her head and stared for a long, long moment at the flat, bored look Shikaku returned before shaking her head. "Ha. Ha. Very funny, Shikaku. Now would someone please tell me what's really going on?"

"I'm afraid he's actually telling you the truth, Senju-sama." Hiashi spoke up as he shifted rather uncomfortably. "They are all engaged to wed the boy."

"... Sasuke, as in Sasuke Uchiha? Neji, as in Neji Hyuuga? And Shika, as in Shiakamaru Nara?" Tsunade clarified carefully as he eyed the four men. "Please, explain to me how three BOYS are engaged to Naruto. You know, the most definitely a boy himself, Naruto?"

"Eh heh... You know how good he was with seals, right?" Jiraiya said in way of explanation. "Well, part of the deal was, at least in the case of the ones in Konoha, was that they were placed under a seal that... well, it's utterly and completely complicated and contradictory to be honest. I have no clue how he managed it either, but..."

"Buuuuut?" Tsunade drawled out as she lightly glared at the man.

"It sealed them into kind of a shell state. Their bodies are completely female underneath that shell, allowing them to develop the conditioning that they'd go through as they aged, but at the same time, it is very much a shell, anything but major scars are going to vanish. Any seals placed on them are going to go kaput, and their libidos will be unsealed."

"... Their libidos will be unsealed?" Tsunade twitched, almost violently before she pointed her finger at Shikaku and Hiashi. "And you two... went along with all of this?!"

"No." Hiashi shook his head firmly. "Hizashi did. However, I do understand his reasoning. Neji will be freed from the Caged Bird Seal, and since she will no longer be a part of the clan, they will be unable to force it back onto her. She will be free, in those regards."

"... Ok, that one I can actually understand." Tsunade acknowledged before arching a brow at Shikaku. "Well? What've you got to say for yourself?"

"Meh, it was too much of a chance that Shikako would take after her mother?" Shikaku offered with a shrug of his shoulders. "Over a decade worth of peace was worth it."

Tsunade just glared angrily at the man before sighing slightly as she recalled just how... vocal his wife could be. "Fine. Don't think you're off the hook for this though." Turning her head, she glanced towards Kakashi. "I don't suppose you've got any idea exactly what Fugaku was thinking?"

"Actually, I know that one." Jiraiya volunteered with a raised hand. "It was actually Mitoko and Kushina that arranged things between Satsuko and Naruto. They then tricked Fugaku into having the seal applied to Satsuko, changing her into Sasuke so the man would think he was worming his way out of it and Naruto would get another Uchiha."

"I'm more here because of the OTHER arrangements Minato-sensei made to be honest." Kakashi agreed with a sheepish shrug of his shoulders. "Like I said, Minato-sensei went a little bit crazy..."

"... How much more crazy than all this did he go, Kakashi?" Tsunade asked as she eyed the man carefully.

"Let's see..." Kakashi paused a moment as he glanced over a scroll that had suddenly appeared in his hands. "Hmm... Well, the Yamanakas and the Harunos finished paying off their loans on time, so Sakura and Ino are safe. Hmm... Hiashi settled his gambling debt, so neither Hinata nor Hanabi are caught up in this... " Kakashi scanned through the scroll, ignoring the slightly embarrassed look on Hiashi's face. "Chouzo never had any girls, plus he paid up so that's all good. Hmmm... Tsume insisted that Hana be given the option of saying no, so that one's up to her. Shibi lived up to his promises of managing Naruto's inheritance, so that's all good."

Everyone stared at him as he whistled appreciatively. "Damn, did he ever live up to his end of the deal." Shaking his head and chuckling ruefully, Kakashi continued to scan over the list. "Hmmm... I think that about covers everyone who's in Konoha..."

"Thank goodness." Tsunade muttered quietly under her breath with a sigh of relief.

"So, moving onto the foreign shinobi." Kakashi picked back up cheerfully. "Hmm... Let's see here... The Kaguya clan's been eradicated, so that one's no good..." The man suddenly froze as he stared at the list, before slowly shaking his head and sighing. "Damn." He turned his head and glanced seriously from Tsunade to Jiraiya. "Naruto can NEVER be allowed to see this scroll. EVER."

At the questioning looks on everyone's faces, Kakashi sighed as he answered the unspoken question. "He had a vassalage agreement with the Hyoten users... Haku was supposed to be taken out of Mist and brought to Konoha. Damn, wish I knew." At the continued questioning glances he answered their gazes with a serious look of his own. "Read the mission reports for our escort mission to Wave, that'll explain everything I think."

Taking a deep breath, Kakashi again looked down the scroll. "All right, moving on... The Tsuchikage only ever had male grand kids, so he's safe. Looks like he'll have to send a hefty sum of money though. Hmmm... All right, let's see... Mmm.... Well, that's interesting. Looks like that Temari girl is going to be coming back pretty soon after all. And huh.... Looks like Minato-sensei traded a rather impressive seal design to them to seal Shukaku more stably..." Pausing a moment, he blinked before showing the seal to Jiraiya, before the pair of them couldn't help but snicker in unison.

"What's so damned funny?" Tsunade growled softly.

"Well, apparently the reason Gaara was so unstable is the Kazekage deliberately only used half of it." Kakashi's amusement was down right dancing in his eye. "As the full seal would have had Gaara stable, female, and probably following Naruto around like a puppy dog."

"Well, we can always offer him the chance to have it completed." Jiraiya noted with a slight smirk on his lips. "He might decide it'd be worth it."

"True, true..." Kakashi agreed quickly before glancing back at the scroll. "So, Naruto's also got Temari and... Oh dear." Wordlessly Kakashi pointed out the final entry as well as the commentations next to it as he showed it to Jiraiya.

"What...? Oh, Minato..." Jiraiya groaned for a moment before blinking a bit as he read the notes and information. "Oh, wait... That's actually not too bad."

"Well, he'll be finding out about it shortly." Kakashi agreed with a sage nod of his head.

"Who will find out what?" Tsunade asked in annoyance, before she simply blinked as they told her.

-o-o-o-

Orochimaru blinked slightly as the scroll poofed into existence in front of him, before frowning just a bit. He examined it closely and carefully, making sure it wasn't trapped in any way, before slowly unrolling it and reading it's contents. Immediately he paled as his eyes widened in sudden realization.

"Oh... Fuck."

It seemed he had only a matter of days to live up to his end of the bargain with Minato for that loan he'd taken out all those years ago. Honestly, he'd rather forgotten about it, what with the blonde bastard being dead. And as he'd long since defaulted on the loan.... either he coughed up his end of the bargain or the penalties would go into effect.

Quickly he did a mental calculation of how much he owed, in addition to the physical compensation he had to deliver to Minato's heir and winced. It would drain most of Oto's liquid assets, but that was better than suddenly having everything he'd built with it sent straight to the boy.

He paled even more at the thought of what Jiraiya and Tsunade would do to him if they ever found his Icha Icha fanfiction. He couldn't help it! Even he had to admit, the two were perfect for one another! The years they'd spend denying it! The illicit yearning between teammates! It was all just so.... so beautiful!

Then he remembered writing himself into the Jiraiya and Tsunade sandwich.

Yeah, he was definitely going to end up living up to his end of the bargain! No way in hell he was ever letting that bit of his twisted mind come to light, even his immortality had limits, and he was fairly sure if anyone could kill him, it was those two, filled with righteous rage.

Hell! He'd send the brat two just to make certain nothing came back to bite him in the ass!

His eyes drifted to his various projects involving cloning. So far, all kunoichi produced from the project had been nothing exceptional. Kin was a good template for genetic experimentation, even after her death, but mainly in theoretical applications, not practical clones for combat. Still, they did work out nicely for improving morale among the men. Apparently Kin just needed to reach 15 before she turned into a bombshell.

"Hmm... Kabuto! Get in here!" Orochimaru called with a smirk

"Err... yes Orochimaru-sama?" Kabuto looked in, blinking slightly in surprise. "Do you need more pain killers for your arms?"

"No," Orochimaru shook his head before he answered. "I want two Kin clones made ready for an arranged marriage." He paused a moment in consideration."Have one be tsundere, the other deredere. Give them both seduction training, some medical jutsu, the proper wives."

Kabuto blinked, then blinked again, before blinking a third time. "Buh-wah?

"Kabuto," Orochimaru stated calmly as he met the teen's eyes. "If you do not do this, we're going to lose the entire village. Now GET GOING."

"How long do I have?" Kabuto asked carefully as he mentally tallied the gestating clones the amount of time it would take to get them ready properly

"Two days."

"Errr...." Kabuto froze in place as he debated how best to approach the current predicament. "The only two I'd be able to get ready in time are the ones with Shodai and Kaguya DNA splices."

Orochimaru instantly grimaced in distaste. "Oh... Very well! Do it!" Another moment's pause before he quickly added an adendum. "And make sure they've had their growth spurts!"

"It's not like they'll likely to be successes anyway." Kabuto muttered slightly under his breath.

"What was that?"

"Errr... just noting the statitical rate of success for genetic grafts, even on clones?" Kabuto offered hopefully.

"If it didn't take, would it negatively affect the clones?"

Kabuto paused a moment inconsideration, rubbing his chin slightly at the thought. "Well... The Shodai one is the most likely to be stable, since you've already done such extensive research into it."

"All right, she can be the demure one. The other?"

"Considering Kimmimaro himself is degrading?" Kabuto pointed out and winced slightly. "And if you're going to go for an arranged marriage... Well, I hate to say this, but Tayuya would be better than the ones we've already got running around the base."

"Damnit..." The man grumbled softly and shook his head. "Well then... Try to make Tayuya somewhat managable for marriage. Break her into a sex pet if you have to!"

"In two days?" Kabuto gave him an incredulous look. "Hopefully I can at least get her to behave somewhat... Will you at least tell me who they'll be marrying?"

"The son of the Fourth Hokage," Orochimaru said with a humorless smile.

".... The Fourth had a son?!" Kabuto stared in absolute shock at the Sannin

"... Kabuto..." Orochimaru slowly turned to Kabuto. "Think very, very hard, won't you? It can't be _that_ difficult, can it?"

"Errr... well..." Kabuto blinked a bit. "I've just never even heard about the possibility of such a thing... There's no one with the Fourth's name in the village and no one that they really...."

Orochimaru just stared at Kabuto, as though the answer should be the most obvious thing in the world.

"Sorry, I got nothing."

Orochimaru closed his eyes tightly. Really, it wasn't Kabuto's fault-Something about Konoha just made the residents complete idiots. "Kabuto... You have your Ninja Info Cards, do you not?"

"Of course!"

"Do you have any Konoha ninja who are blondes?" Orochimaru asked patiently.

"A number of them." Kabuto answered honestly. "Almost every single Yamanaka is blonde."

Orochimaru felt a headache coming on. "All right... How many are male?" He paused a moment before adding. "And _not_ Yamanaka?"

"And are in just the shinobi forces? 19." Kabuto answered rather easily.

The snake sannin's headache got worse. "How about those born during the year of the Kyuubi attack?"

"3, along with 117 civilians."

"How many blonde male ninja born on the _year_ of the Kyuubi attack are there?" Orochimaru asked, now feeling desperate. Kabuto couldn't be this stupid. Even for a Konoha ninja this was pushing it!

"What does the year of the Kyuubi attack have to do with anything?"

The sannin quickly brought his useless palm to his face. "... Kabuto... Let's try this a different way." He took a slow deep breath before continuing. "You've met the Fourth Hokage's son. Can you think of who it might possibly have been?"

"The son of the genius shinobi, renowned for his calm demeanor and cool head? The one who silently destroyed 1/3 of Iwa's armies on his own? Well, no, not really."

Orochimaru gritted his teeth. "Don't think of _demeanor,_ you idiot! He wouldn't have been around to teach him any of that anyway! Physical appearance! You've seen the Fourth Hokage! You've seen _this person!"_

"Well, I've seen his face on the Monument. I never actually saw a picture of him. I was a bit too busy spying for you and Sasori." Kabuto admitted as he lightly shrugged his shoulders.

"Blonde spikey hair, blue eyes, born on the year of the Kyuubi attack, you've met him _several times..." _Orochimaru stressed.

Kabuto blinked a moment, staring at Orochimaru for a moment, before shrugging his shoulders. "Well, I guess that would explain the rasengan."

"Yes Kabuto, it would, wouldn't it?" Orochimaru asked with a sarcastic smile. "You only needed hints that a _child_ wouldn't have needed, I'm so very proud, you get a gold star!"

"Huh, the fourth was more ruthless than I expected." Kabuto adjusted his glasses a moment before shrugging. "Well, tell me, how quickly would you have put together that the son of a village's greatest hero is it's most hated citizen?"

"The moment I saw him," Orochimaru said flatly. "Also, who else would that sentimental idiot have put the Kyuubi into? He certainly wouldn't have put it into someone else's child now would it?"

Orochimaru closed his eyes and calmed himself. This would not do-There was too much to do and so little time to do it in. "Just get me two wives for him in two days or we are doomed! If the Kaguya Kin doesn't work out we'll send Tayuya as a replacement!"

"Right, right." Kabuto nodded his head a bit in consideration. "Well if all else fails, you can always jump into the Kaguya Kin." The boy wisely vanished before Orochimaru could respond

"Brat," Orochimaru muttered.

-o-o-o-

"Ah, good to see you're awake now, Sasuke." Kakashi smiled happily as he settled into a chair in front of the bed while Naruto was grinning broadly and Sakura smiled slightly. "I needed to have a talk with you about some arrangements your mother made for you."

Sasuke blinked, then blinked again as he stared at Kakashi. "... What arrangements?"

"Well, I'm not sure how to break this easily to you, so I'll just come out and tell you." Kakashi smiled reassuringly back at Sasuke before continuing. "It's time for you to marry Naruto."

There was a moment of absolute silence in the room, before three young voices erupted into a simultaneous "WHAT?!"

Ignoring the screams and stares, Kakashi casually pulled out a scroll and handed it over to Sasuke with a smile. "Well, this should explain everything."

Narrowing his eyes Sasuke grabbed the scroll and quickly unfurled it only to blink a smoke suddenly exploded and he suddenly felt... different. Very, very different. Eyes going wide, Sasuke looked up at Kakashi and spoke. "Kakashi-sen..."

Everyone but Kakashi froze once more as the heard the silken, sweet and quite feminine voice leaving Sasuke's lips. Twitching a now even more delicate brow, wider eyes latched onto Kakashi as thick lashes narrowed black eyes into slits. "What. Just. Happened?"

"Oh, the Seal Naruto's father placed on you was released, Satsuko." Kakashi smiled cheerfully as he pointed to the scroll. "You're back to your birth gender. Like I said, the scroll explains everything."

Growling softly, Sasuke turned her attention to the scroll, Sharingan flashing to life as she scanned down it in a rapid manner before immediately paling even further. Suddenly tossing the scroll aside where it was picked up by a curious Sakura, Sasuke immediate lifted up the sheets of her bed and stuck her hand down her pants. A slight whimper left her lips as she confirmed, yes, she was indeed 100% female now.

"Well, look on the bright side!" Kakashi chirped up. "You'll finally get to go through puberty!" He paused a moment, before shrugging off the incredulous stares. "What? As Sasuke, she never got to go through it. Hence why she had no interest what so ever in girls OR guys. Now though, I'm fairly certain things should start ramping up rather quickly." He paused again, before tapping his chin lightly. "Don't worry, I'm sure you can get together with Neji and Shikako to form some kind of group therapy for girls who'd lived most of their lives as guys and are now girls again, married to Naruto."

"WHAAAAAAAT?!" This time, it was only Naruto who screamed, his eyes wide in terror as he stared in disbelief at Kakashi.

"Oh yes." Kakashi nodded his head casually as he fought down the grin at Naruto's expression. "It seems you're going to have yourself quite the little harem there." Pausing a moment, he suddenly straightened up. "Oh, wait, I need to check something, lemme see where your seal was, Satsuko."

"My name is Sasuke." The still dumbfounded girl muttered lightly even as Kakashi pulled back the collar of her jacket and nodded happily.

"No, actually its Satsuko on your birth ceritificate. We checked." Kakashi countered agreeably. "And look on the bright side of things! The curse seal is now completely gone!"

"Um, does that mean that Neji's seal will be gone too?" Naruto spoke up hesitantly as he quickly latched onto a thought tangent that didn't revolve around how cute Sasuke, errr... Satsuko was.

"Should be." Kakashi agreed amiably. "That was part of why her father agreed on it after all."

"Is there anything else I should know about, while I'm still conscious, Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto asked numbly.

"You're also getting that Temari girl from Suna. You might get Kiba's sister if she decides she's interested. We have a way of making Gaara's seal more stable, but it will turn her into another girl for you, so that'll be up to him. Oh, and Orochimaru will be sending you a lot of money and a bride soon himself." Kakashi paused a moment rubbing his chin. "Or, you'll inherit everything he's built/come up with since he took out that loan from your father."

"Oh... ok." And with that Naruto's eyes rolled up into the back of his head and he collapsed, bonelessly into a heap.

"Well, he took that better than I expected him to." Kakashi admitted before turning to Satsuko who was staring into her shirt. "Sorry, Satsuko, but really it's not very likely you're going to develope very much there. You are an Uchiha afterall."

Kakashi grinned slightly as he watched the newly a girl again stare at him a moment, before teh full weight of exactly what was going on hit her, along with the sudden realization of how cute Naruto was. It was all too much for her newly awakened mind to handle and she too crumpled back unconscious. Next, his single eye turned onto the still apparently catatonic Sakura.

"So, Sakura, how's it feel knowing you've been lusting after a girl, who had no interest in other girls what so ever? I mean, really, if you were so interested, why didn't you just hook up with your blonde Yamanaka friend?" Kakashi smiled benevolently to his final genin, who whimpered softly in response, before the last bit of her handle on consciousness snapped and she fainted along with her teammates.

"Hmmm... Yup, still got it," Kakashi said cheerfully, before pausing as he eyes his three comatose studens. "I really, really shouldn't...." Suddenly he grinned down right evilly. "But, that doesn't mean I won't!"

-o-o-o-

Sakura groaned softly as she became aware that she was again awake. For a moment, she wondered exactly why she'd been unconscious, the last thing she could really recall was that they were going to visit Sasuke-kun in the hospital. Still, she snuggled into the heat next to her, rubbing her cheek against the smooth, firm pillow as she pressed herself far more firmly into it.

A part of her dimly recalled that she was almost completely lacking her clothes, and that she didn't sleep that way typically. It was of course, quickly ignored for the fact that she was quite, quite comfortable. Then, another part of her pointed out that she was apparently bound in some fashion. That was enough to force her to crack open her emerald eyes to take a look.

An instant later, she wasn't sure if she should have. Not only was she in her current state of undress, so was the rest of her team. A team she was now sharing a hospital bed with, her arms wrapped around Naruto's waist, much like Sasuke's were. It was then another little fact filtered through her mind. Sasuke was in deed a girl. A slight twinge went through her as she realized how the sleeping Satsuko seemed almost like a delicate, porcelain doll. Slender, with flawless creamy white skin, silken black hair and a pair of soft pouting lips that were pursed in her slumber.

Twitching slightly Sakura turned her head away from the picture of classical beauty, and took a moment to study her remaining male teammate. The male teammate she'd been using as a pillow. The male teammate who was most assuredly awake and looked on the verge of absolute panic.

Quickly, she tried to extricate her arms from around him, only to stare in horror as she realized they'd been tied firmly into place. Looking up and down, she noted that Naruto himself was bound spread eagle, with his hands and legs at each of the four posts of the bed. Glancing down, she saw her legs were wrapped about one of Naruto's own, ankles bound together. Another twitch passing across her face, she glanced up into Naruto's panicked eyes.

"Naruto... how did we end up in this situation?" Sakura tried to keep her tone measured and polite, but no small amount of anger began to leak through as the boy, who knew he kept such a hot body under neath that thick jacket and pants, began to squirm in his place.

"Err... I don't know?" Naruto answered honestly as he shifted slightly and blushed even more as Sakura growled slightly as she lightly rested her head again on his chest. "Last thing I remember... was Kakashi-sensei telling me... Um, yeah..."

"Oh, right... You're going to marry Sasuke... Satsuko, whatever he/she's name is." Sakura twitched slightly as she lightly stared at the other girl again. "Who, has spent almost her entire life as a boy, but still, somehow manages to look more feminine and beautiful than me."

"It's hardly my fault you're so worthless, Sakura." That oh so damned perfect feminine voice rose up, and made Sakura twitch even more as those black lashes swept open and those onyx eyes affixed onto her in an almost bored tone. "Now shut up, so I can go back to enjoying my sleep."

Sakura paused, before twitching again as she ground down on her teeth. "I am NOT worthless! And what the hell?! Do you even realize what kind of situation we're in?!"

"Sakura." The Uchiha spoke up on that same bored tone as she lightly arched a delicate brow upwards. "Incase you don't remember. I'm currently a girl. What's more, I'm a girl who's currently tied up to what's apparently her fiance. Who is going to marry a boy who is engaged to how many other girls again?"

"Um..." Naruto paused a moment as he did a bit of a mental calculation. "At least 4?"

"Right." Sasuke/Satsuko nodded her head before shrugging as she settled it back down against Naruto's chest. "So, while this is slightly embarassing to be found like this, YOU are the one who's tied up to an engaged man and his fiance. Not us."

"Err... Sasuke?" Naruto put forth hedgingly as he glanced at the boy turned girl. "Why... are you so calm about this?"

"I already looked over the scroll, Naruto." The girl shrugged her delicate shoulders before twitching herself. "I'm stuck with you for the rest of my life. Plus, you really are pretty cute." She paused a moment before blushing slightly as she shifted just a bit. "Um, I think that puberty thing is starting up now."

The first thing Naruto noted, was that Sasuke was cute. No, scratch that, normally she was beautiful, but she was absolutely adorable and cute when she blushed. The second, was that she was slender and delicate in a way that almost none of the other girls he knew were. Third, she was practically naked, pressed enticingly against him, and seemed to be enjoying herself.

"... Someone please tell me what the hell you three are doing." A new voice cut in as the three of them suddenly noticed a twitching Hokage standing in the door, her eyes locked onto three almost nude forms.

"Um... Heya, Granny." Naruto lightly waved with his wrist as he smiled sheepishly. "I.... don't really know, we were talking to Kakashi... blacked out and then we woke up like this."

"Team building exercise." Kakashi answered simply with an innocent smile from behind Tsunade, before vanishing in a puff of smoke before Tsunade could fully react.

"... Why did I come back to this mad house again?" Tsunade asked rhetorically as she sighed and lightly glared at Naruto. "I swear, brat..."

-o-o-o-


	28. HP: Zookeepers?

Zookeepers?

Disclaimer: Dis be fan wank, do not read if you're looking for real substance. Do not read if you're looking for emotional depth exploring people's characters. Do not read, if you're looking for anything resembling canon outcome. Do not read if you love how JK Rowling, who owns the characters by the way (rather kinky don't you think?), originally ended the series and you can't imagine any other possible pairings. Oh, and don't read if you're against too damned complex poly-amorous relationships.

Author's notes: I am insane. Completely and utterly bonkers. Now, shoo and leave me to my fun.

-o-o-o-

"There's got to be something in here that tell us how we can defeat Voldemort!" Harry growled in frustration as he glanced around the library, ignoring the scandalized glare that Madam Pince sent him.

"Really, Harry, you expect to just have the information to drop in your lap if it's here?" Hermione glared mildly back at the boy as she gestured around the restricted section. "Do you have any idea of the kind of odds of finding the exact bit of information we need, when we don't even know what we're looking for?!"

"She's right, mate," Ron agreed with a quick nod of his head. "Not even you're that lucky."

"Luck…?" Harry paused a moment, before blinking slightly as he stared back at Ron. "Wait… it can't be that easy."

"Eh? What're you on about, Harry?" Ron blinked slightly as he stared at his friend.

"Harry?" Hermione blinked slightly as she stared at the boy. "What're you talking about? Luck?"

A slight grin on his face, Harry dipped his hand down and pulled out a familiar looking bottle as he looked towards Hermione and waggled his brows. "Felix Felicis."

"Harry, really, you don't think-" Hermione immediately began to object, even as Ron cut in.

"Cor, that's brilliant, Harry!" His eyes wide, Ron immediately grinned widely.

"Ronald Weasley! You can't honestly expect this to work!" Hermione glared at the boy as she huffed slightly, her eyes boring down on him.

"But, Hermione! It's Felix Felicis! Liquid Luck! You heard what Slughorn said!" Ron countered, his eyes gleaming, before he shrugged just a bit. "Besides, can't hurt, can it?"

Hermione opened her mouth a moment, before she blinked, staring back at the boy next to her before sighing slightly and slowly, carefully shaking her head. "No, I suppose it couldn't hurt… what else would Harry use it for anyway?"

"Well, Slughorn said it was enough for 12 hours…" Harry paused a moment, rubbing his chin lightly in thought before he grinned a bit back at them. "So, about a quarter of it then, to see about three hours worth of luck?"

"I suppose…" Hermione agreed reluctantly as she eyed her grinning friend. "You really can't…"

"Why not? It's magic, Hermione!" Harry grinned back at the girl as he opened up the bottle and after glancing around, took a careful swig with a grin.

Hermione groaned softly as she let her face fall into her hands and shook her head lightly, before she carefully spread one pair of fingers far enough apart for her to peak out with one eye. Harry smiled back at her, serenely before he stood up, grinning back at her as he lightly strolled down next to the book shelves. Pausing half way between them, he snagged a book, seemingly at random, followed by another, then a third before he strode back over to them, his grin still in place as he carefully set them into place in front of his friends.

"You can't be serious." Hermione stared back at the boy, her eyes incredulous as she crossed her arms about her chest.

Just grinning back at her Harry calmly picked up one of the books, and opened it up to a seemingly random page. "Hmm… Horucrux?" Blinking slightly Harry skimmed over the entry, reading into it before frowning just slightly. "Well that explains the diary, probably got a bit more… Hmm… Oh, that explains last year too."

Nodding to himself, Harry pushed the book and its entry over to the still disbelieving Hermione before the boy casually flicked open the next book, again, cracking it open to a particular entry and blinking slightly as he read through the information on it. This time, he remained silent, a thoughtful expression on his face as he nodded his head then shut the book, before pulling over the last, and again, opening it up to a seemingly random page.

"Well now, this looks positively delightful." Harry noted as he glanced down the entry before pulling out a quill parchment, making a note of the volume and page number before he would carefully and precisely write down the instructions written on it. At least, he thought he was writing them precisely, never quite noticing the slight changes he made as he jotted his notes down.

Hermione's face had shifted from that shocked disbelief, to growing horror as her eyes slipped up and immediately latched onto the scar atop his head. "Harry…"

"Yup, isn't it delightful?" Shaking his head then, Harry finished up his notes, before grinning back at his friends. "I'm going to the tower to pick something up, then I'm going to go talk to the Headmaster. Should have this all wrapped up in an hour at the most!"

Hermione sat there in a stupor as her friend smiled at her and then walked out of the library, before finally her mind caught up with what he said and she quickly spoke up. "HARRY!"

"SHH!"

-o-o-o-

"Harry, what brings you here tonight?" Albus Dumbledore blinked slightly as he peered over his half moon spectacles as he glanced down at the happily grinning boy in front of him. "Have you had any luck with Horace?"

"Nope, found something much better!" Harry said with a broad grin on his face as he pulled out his parchment and smiled happily at the man. "Do you happen to have the remains of any of Tom's Horucruxes about?"

Dumbledore blinked as he stared at the boy a moment, before wordlessly he reached down and carefully opened up a drawer with his shriveled hand to produce a ring and the destroyed diary. "Might I ask what exactly this is about?"

"Oh, it's really simple, actually." Harry grinned back at the man, as he nodded his head absently. "Oh, by the way, still have the Elder Wand on you?"

Dumbledore's eyes widened even further as he peered closely at Harry, even as the boy felt the gentlest probing of his mind as the man verified his identity, before with a wary nod, he carefully held up the wand in his good hand. Harry nodded happily as he held up his own wand before carefully unraveling the parchment, before with a sudden flick of his wrist, an Expelliarmus spell flew the tip of his wand. Catching the slightly befuddled professor completely off guard, the spell send the man's wand flying, as the boy quickly smiled apologetically to the man.

"Sorry about that, but I need all three for this to work properly." Harry whistled cheerfully as he carefully summoned the wand back to himself even as he plucked up the ring from the table then set the parchment down, reading over the spell once more. "Oh, and please do be careful not to interfere, this is probably going to be right painful, and I'd rather not end up possessed by Tom again."

"Harry, wait, what exactly…!" Dumbledore began even as Harry held up the Elder Wand, sent the man a wink and suddenly unleashed a massive burst of magic.

-o-o-o-

Tom Marvolo Riddle, more commonly known as Lord Voldemort paused just as he was about to cast a spell on a helpless victim, as he felt, rather… Odd. An instant later, his body collapsed and dissolved completely and utterly as Nagini convulsed and spasmed before going still. Elsewhere a diadem, a cup, and a locket glowed brightly, before they suddenly went still.

-o-o-o-

Harry grit his teeth against the pain flashing through him, the spell weaving itself perfectly right on the first try, luckily enough. The stone in his hand was glowing, brighter and brighter with each passing moment as a sudden tendril of energy began to flow into the ring directly from the scar on his brow. Moments later, five more tendrils joined it, from several different, unseen directions.

Dumbledore could only stand there, watching in complete and utter awe as the boy went to work, the spell itself appearing simple enough. Using the former receptacle of a piece of Tom Riddle's soul, along with another still anchored piece to call out to the remaining fragments, including the actual essence of the man that was holding together the homunculus he had been inhabiting. Forcing them into the former container.

A container, that unfortunately for said wizard, also happened to be one of the three Deathly Hallows. It, along with the Elder Wand, casting the spell, and the cloak settled about the boy's shoulders linked as only the three Hallows could. And with their tie to that aspect, that final aspect of life, they finished what should have been finished 15 years prior. With a strangled wail, the final cries of Tom Riddle could be heard, just before a sudden pulse of magical energy pushed back into Harry, , pouring back through his scar, before the boy collapsed backwards into a slowly, softly panting heap as he couldn't help but grin back at the absolutely flabbergasted man.

"Well, that was rather thrilling." The boy paused a moment, grimacing lightly before the grin returned. "Extremely unpleasant, but thrilling none the less."

"Harry, what exactly did you just do?" Dumbledore could only stare at the boy in mute, amazed shock as the sweat slick face smiled again back at him.

"Reunited the torn pieces of Tom's soul, using a former receptacle and the bit that was stuck in my scar, then, using the fact that our dear Mr. Riddle chose the absolutely worst possible magical artifact known to man to use for a Horucrux to banish said soul to the realm of the dead where it belonged." Harry's smile only grew as he again waggled his brows at the Headmaster. "Amazing what a little Felix Felicis in the restricted section can uncover, isn't it?"

"Harry, the odds of you finding just the information you needed..." Dumbledore blinked for a moment, staring back at the boy before sighing slightly as he pinched the bridge of his nose with his good hand. "Of course, hence the Felix Felicis."

"Worked out rather brilliantly I thought. How come we never thought of doing something like this before?"

"I... Don't know." The elderly man admitted as he slumped back into his chair.

"Well, here." Harry casually placed the Elder wand back on the man's desk with a grin. "I'll let you keep using it for now. Have to keep up appearances and what not, you know? You might want to let everyone know that the Voldemort problem has been taken care of."

He paused a moment, before frowning slightly as he stood up and adjusted his cloak. "Just... leave me out of it, will you? Better they think that the wise old man beat him, than the lucky kid, you know?"

And with that Harry grinned again before walking out of the office, leaving an absolutely stunned Dumbledore behind him.

-o-o-o-

"Oh, Hello Professor!" Harry smiled cheekily to the scowling face of his current Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher as they crossed paths in the hallway.

"Potter." The word left his lips like a curse as the man glared down his hooked nose at the boy. "And what, pray tell has gotten you so… cheerful?"

"Oh, I just finished banishing Voldemort to the realm of the dead for good. No more coming back for him." Harry smiled happily back at the man as he stretched out casually and grinned. "I'm free!"

"20 points from Gryffindor for telling such a blatant lie, Mr. Potter!" Snape's voice snarled out as he glared at the black haired boy. "And another five for your cheek!"

"Hey, no need to be rude! Some people just don't take good news well I suppose." Harry shook his head and smiled at the man. "Go ask the Headmaster, oh, and I do expect those points back." Not even waiting for the man to respond Harry turned and almost swaggered back to the Gryffindor dorms.

Blinking a moment, almost owlishly in disbelief, Snape opened his mouth once to reveal his stained, yellow teeth, before his jaw clicked shut and he stalked to the Headmaster's office.

-o-o-o-

"Headmaster, you need to tell that damned Potter brat to stop spreading foolish, childish lies-" Snape was ranting the moment he stepped into the man's office, not even glancing around until he caught sight of the man sitting dumbly behind his desk, calmly, and slowly sipping at a glass of whiskey. "…Sir…? Are you all right?"

"…Wha…? Oh, Severus, I'm sorry I didn't hear you come in." Dumbledore's eyes never strayed from where they stared at the wand on his desk, sitting next to the destroyed remains of a book. "Did you need something?'

"Potter told me a ridiculous story about how he defeated the Dark Lord as I was walking through the hallway, and…"

"As far as I can tell, he did."

"…What?" The Potions Professor stared at the dazed looking man in complete and utter shock. "But... but…"

"Severus, you're capable of brewing Felix Felicis, yes?" Dumbledore's glazed eyes hard sharpened only slightly as he looked up at the man.

"Well, yes, tricky, but doable." The man agreed with a slight nod of his head as he stared back at the man.

"Then, pray tell, why didn't we ever use any when we were trying to find a way to defeat Tom?" Dumbledore's glazed eyes continued to stare out as he gently nursed the drink in his hand.

Snape paused a moment, as he stared at the man in front of him as the meaning behind the man's words slowly sank in. "Oh… Bloody… LUCK!? Potter used LUCK to beat him?!" With a flick of his wrist, a blank piece of parchment transfigured itself into a steep glass as the man immediately poured himself a hefty drink as he collapsed back into his seat. "You realize, of course, he's going to be completely insufferable now, yes?"

"Severus… I'm afraid you're forgetting certain things." Dumbledore's eyes sharpened into clarity once more as he lifted up his desiccated, blackened hand.

"Oh, bugger. The Oath." Snape somehow paled even further as he practically swallowed the entire glass in a single gulp.

"And I am still dying." The man agreed with a nod of his head. "And there are your… former associates to deal with."

Pulling back his sleeve, Severus stared as he could see the Dark Mark faded to only a faint collection of greys atop a scar in its shape. "Well, Bellatrix will be no small amount of trouble to deal with."

"Perhaps then, you and your Godson could, oh, how shall we say… Lure me into a trap?" Dumbledore offered up, his eyes twinkling brilliantly.

"You don't mean to…"

"I'm dying, Severus," Dumbledore said with a grave smile on his face as he smiled at the man before him. "I plan to make my death a meaningful thing, this way, both you and young Draco will have a chance to live your lives without that weight hanging over your heads."

"Bloody hell." Snape growled softly before he shoved his glass forward. "No way in hell I'm planning this sober."

"Yes, quite." The old man agreed as he poured them both another glass, pausing a moment as he smiled slightly. "I do think I'll take a time to say good bye to an old friend first though."

-o-o-o-

"Harry!" Hermione was immediately on her feet as Harry happily strolled his way into the Gryffindor Common room. "What happened?!"

"Oh, a little of this, a little of that." The boy offered up blandly as he grinned back at the girl. "You know how it is. Cast a spell a spell to banish a Dark Lord without any practice and being lucky enough for it to work."

"... Did you just say what I think you said, mate?" Ron's eyes widened into saucers as he stared at the boy in front of him. "You mean…?"

"It better stay officially as the result of Dumbledore's long years of hard work investigating into a way of permanently banishing the Dark Lord." Harry grumbled softly as he lightly shifted just a bit then stretched back. "So, who's up for a party?"

-o-o-o-

Harry groaned softly as he slowly shifted and pushed himself up, his eyes bleary and unfocused as he struggled against the warm, soft weights he could feel pressing down on his body. Blurry, indistinct shapes surrounded him, with fuzzy, tickling warmth at his sides. Distantly he felt himself trace back over the night, and yet, to his mounting horror, he came across his last, distinct memory of the night.

Sharing a drink with Ron, Neville and the Weasley twins, both of whom were grinning triumphantly at the end. That was never good. The whole fuzzy memories that might as well be a blackout also leaned towards that assumption.

Slowly, his rather confused mind began to process the sensations he was feeling. There was skin pressed to his own, and he was quite naked, that much he was certain of. As a brilliant blush rose across his face, he made not of certain... other sensations, fur, feathers, and... scales?

His hands slowly began to fumble around, searching for his glasses. A wing, rather large too, feathers, a warm, soft mound of... ok, soft mound of flesh triggering VERY feminine moans. Quickly moving his hand away, he found his arm pulling out of a very firm grasp. Moving again, he felt around his pillow, before finally lucking out as he located his glasses. When he slipped them on, he slowly took in the scene around him then let off a soft sigh.

"Oh, bloody bugger it all." Muttering softly under his breath, he looked around and made a slow count of the bodies he shared the bed with. "1, huh, I didn't know Susan looked THAT good under her clothes,2, 3... both bloody Patils? Huh, still cute though... 4... I think that's Tracey, huh, who knew scales could look cute in moderation? 5... Daphne? Huh... paler than usual, and those feathers look... hmm... Ok, bad thoughts."

"Harry," Tracey's voice murmured in a soft, melodic hiss as feathered wings shifted lightly on her back. "Sssome of usss are trying to sssleep."

"Um, Tracey?" The boy looked down at the girl curled up against himself and Daphne. "Were you human when you went to sleep?"

"Of courssse," Her eyes cracked open to reveal slitted snake eyed orbs of a soft, amethyst hue. "Why?"

"Um, you might want to look at yourself and everyone else..." Harry shifted slightly and groaned just a bit as he could feel her shifting back, in a far more... stimulating manner. "A-and... please, don't do that!"

"Huh, you weren't complaining when I did it lassst night," A slow, lecherous grin curled over her features, before she carefully pushed up just a bit, then blinked slightly as she glanced down at where her hand rested on his chest, or more precisely, on the patch of rainbow hued scales from her wrist almost to her knuckles. "That'sss new."

"You've uh... got a lot of them," Harry blushed lightly as he noted the almost elegant dispersal of scales along her body, how they shimmered above her eyes like eye shadow, and highlighted her cheeks. "And, uh... might wanna look at your back."

Looking over her shoulder, she blinked again as she beheld the brilliantly colored wings that spread from her back. "That'sss new too. Merlin, what happened lassst night?"

"Honestly?" Harry shivered lightly as he could feel the soft tip of her feathers brushing up his chest as she examined one wing. "Last thing I remember was having a drink with Ron, Neville and the Twins."

"Oh, then you don't remember anything elssse?" Her voice almost purred as she grinned lecherously down at him. "That'sss a ssshame. It wasss... magnifisssent!"

"You do realize you're hissing your 'S's right?" Harry paused a moment, before slipping into parseltongue. "Sssome people might find that disssturbing."

"Eh, worssse things to be doing. And tell me, do you find it disssturbing, Harry?" she hissed back as she slowly shifted down and lay herself fully against his chest, her face inches from his own. "Mmm... Warm."

"You're handling this remarkably well," Harry noted as he slipped back into English and wrapped his one free arm around her waist. "A lot calmer than I'd have expected."

"Yesss, well, you mentioned the Weasssley twinsss." She pointed out, grinning slightly in turn. "Ssso, I imagine thisss will wear off sssoon enough."

"Um... Maybe." Harry groaned softly as he felt her wiggling in a very distracting manner, his eyes closing slightly. "Though... I'm wondering how they made you a parselmouth."

"What...?" This actually brought the redhead up short as she blinked wide, jewel like snake eyes at him.

"I played a hunch... slipped into parseltongue in the middle of our conversation, and you not only understood, you responded the same way." Harry answered simply as he would lightly brush his fingers against her feathers. "Which makes a bit of sense, considering what I think you got somehow mixed with."

"Sssit up," he hissed suddenly in parseltongue, watching with a slight grin on his lips as she instantly responded, her body arching back as her wings instinctively spread out to help balance herself. "Armsss behind your back."

"H-h-harry?" Tracey squeaked slightly as she instantly responded, her body seeming to obey all on her own as she blushed brilliantly as she displayed herself so completely. "What...? Why...?"

"Don't know to be honessst." He hissed back before grinning slightly up at her. "You can lay down again."

She paused a moment, her hands moving back in front of her as she let a soft, liquid whimper escape her lips even as she slowly curled down against his chest and kissed her way up to his neck to his ear. "Merlin and Morgana, that made me hot, Harry."

"Mmph... do you have to be so loud?" Daphne's voice was a musical trill, even as it grumbled past her lips, while she rubbed at slowly opening, brilliant ruby eyes. As she blew a lose, limp length of white plumage out of her eyes, she squinted her eyes then sighed as she curled up a bit more against Harry's side as her white blonde wings shifted behind her. "Insatiable much, Tracey? Didn't you get enough last night?"

"I don't recall you complaining, Daphne." Tracey countered with a slight smirk even as she lightly flicked her tongue against Harry's neck. "Mmm… Tasssty."

"Ugh, it's too early for this." Daphne murmured back as she reflexively pulled a wing over her face and hid beneath it. "Lemme sleep until it's a reasonable hour… like after noon."

"Mmm… Warm." Tracey gave a hissing purr as she instinctively pulled herself to nestle against both Harry and Daphne. "You got nice and comfy, Daph."

"Ugh, why won't you…" Daphne had snapped her eyes open for a moment, before blinking at the white feather's she seen in her face. Feathers, attached to a wing she could feel attached to her back. "Well, that's new…"

"Weasley twins." Harry told her simply as he lounged back and made no move to get up, before feeling oddly curious. "Daphne? Sit up."

The girl was up before she even fully processed the command, before blinking almost owlishly down at Harry, staring at their naked bodies even as she reflexively spread her wings to steady herself, giving him quite the display. "Wha… huh?"

"Interesting." Harry remarked as he leaned back. "You can lay back down if you want now." Pursing his lips he shrugged slightly and half closed his eyes. "Well, whatever happened, I seem to be able to tell you what to do." He paused a moment once more before shrugging. "And, judging by things… you've all been crossed with animals of some kind, other than Susan, apparently all magical."

Not laying back out immediately, Daphne twisted slightly as she looked around, blinking a bit as she studied the Patil twins and Bones girl. "Huh… who knew Bones looked that good under her clothes?"

"I know, rather brilliant isn't it?" Harry remarked as he yawned, then looked towards the three still sleeping beauties. "Girls? Wake up."

Three resulting groans answered back while Harry lightly pushed up a bit on the bed, resting his back against the headboard as Daphne and slid back down to his side and Tracey curled contentedly against his chest. His fingers lightly slipped out, stroking through the plumage that had replaced Daphne's hair as he listened to the contented little trill she gave off. Making a mental note, he nodded to himself before studying the roused Patil twins.

"Mmph." One of them grunted softly as she lightly rubbed at her eyes, her mocha skin smooth and soft as she pushed some raven black plumage away from her cat eyes while her matching tail flicked lightly behind her ebony wings. "Oof, what the bloody hell? Harry? Damn, what was in those drinks?"

"Really, Pavarti." The second twin chided lightly as she her curling black locks of hair fell casually against her face while a pair of cat ears twitched slightly, standing in contrast to the otherwise identical features of the girl. "Language."

"Oh, go bugger yourself, Padma." Parvarti shot back as her tail twitched lightly in irritation.

"Wow… This is really weird." Susan Bones noted as she shifted just a bit, her nose twitching slightly even as her cute little fluffy rabbit tail twitched and hear long, soft ears pulled back flat against her head. "Weasley twins?"

"Yup." Came the chorus of responses from the two Slytherin girls and Harry.

"Hmm…" The girl paused a moment, tapping her lower lip thoughtfully, before suddenly grinning down right lecherously as she dove forward and snuggled in between Tracey and Daphne on Harry's chest. "Mmm warm!"

"Well, that was oddly… unsurprising." Harry noted with a blink as he reached down and lightly stroked Susan's ears. "So… Weird how all of you have wings but Susan."

"No." Padma spoke up as she casually fixed her eyes on Daphne. "What's weird, is that Greengrass here is a apparently themed after a bird… Phoenix if I'm not mistaken while the rest of us seem to at least reasonably fit our houses."

"Reasonably?" Harry put forth, a brow arched.

"If I'm not mistaken, I'm modeled after a sphinx, where as my sister is a gryphon." The Ravenclaw noted as she gestured from herself to her sister. "Hence her having plumage, and I have hair and cat ears."

"And Tracey's a coatl." Harry noted with a nod of his head. "With Sue here being a very… affectionate little bunny."

"…Little?" The girls chorused with an amused smirk on their lips, even as the Bones girl herself blushed brightly.

"I was more interested in the rather affectionate manner you all seem to be disregarding our rather lack of clothing." Harry noted as he blushed himself. "As, based on Daphne and Tracey, you all remember our experiences last night?"

At their nods, Harry hung his head and muttered slightly. "Wonderful, as I most certainly don't seem to remember a thing after having a drink with the twins."

"Was there anyone else we should worry about waking up in a… similar position?" Padma arched a brow curiously even as she proudly crawled up and curled against Harry's free side, while her sister joined her a moment later.

"Um… you five aren't going to be letting me up anytime soon, are you?" Harry noted with a slight gulp was he felt himself almost completely buried in soft, female flesh.

"Not willingly." Tracey admitted as she lightly flicked her tongue out against his neck. "Though, you've already demonssstrated you have a none too weak control over usss."

"True." Harry admitted as he could feel his fingers of one hand lightly scratching against one of the base of one of the Patils' tails, causing a soft contented purr to fill the air. "And, to answer Padma's question… I had the drink with Ron, Neville and the twins themselves."

"Think the twins would experiment on themselves?" Daphne asked curiously as she lightly wrapped one wing about herself and Susan as her melodic voice slipped into the air.

"They've done it before." Pavarti and Harry answered in unison, the Patil twin blushing slightly as she spoke even as Harry continued. "And if they thought they might find themselves ending up in a situation like this…?"

"HARRY!" The door was flung open, as the twins in question suddenly burst, their eyes wide and their bodies naked. "You have to help… oh, sorry, looks like you're even worse off than we are."

"Worse?" Harry and the girls echoed, a slight quirk of amusement in their voices even as the girls pulled the sheets up to cover their naked bodies.

"Yes, well…" One of the twins started.

"…We seem to have…"

"Found ourselves…"

"In a bit of a pickle." They admitted before suddenly a familiar trio of faces popped up, behind the twins, all glaring angrily at the pair.

"Alicia, Angelina, Katie, delightful to see you." Harry offered up cheekily at the irate and rather nude trio of chasers that were his former teammates, each sporting a pair of fox ears and tails, though Katie sprouted more than just one. "You're all looking rather lovely this morning. So, what can I do for my favorite Flying Foxes?"

As the girls all rolled their eyes from their pile atop the boy, the three older girls in question turned their baleful looks onto a bemused looking Harry as Angelina spoke up. "Potter, were you in on this?"

"Nope!" The boy shook his head with a chuckling grin. "I don't even remember what happened. One minute I'm having drink with my second favorite pair of twins, the next I'm waking up in a bed with these lovelies."

"Second…"

"Favorite?" The Weasley's spoke up, slightly affronted as they pouted back at Harry.

"Gred, Forge, have you LOOKED to see who I'm in bed with?" Harry immediately nodded meaningfully towards the Patils. "I'm sorry, but you simply don't measure up to these lovely little kittens."

"Ah, yes…"

"We completely understand."

"You're taking this awfully well for someone who just woke up in a situation like this with no memory of how he got there." Katie noted as she studied the boy in bed with the five girls.

"…Katie, think back on all my years at Hogwarts." Harry shot back as he shrugged as best he could. "All things considered… I'm still fairly certain I'll wake up from this lovely dream and go back to being a lonely virgin."

"Ah, in shocked denial." Alicia noted with a slight smirk on her lips. "That sounds more like the Harry we know." Turning her head, she glared down at the twins before stalking over, grabbing each by one of their ears and starting to drag them towards the door. "Well, we'll leave you to your shock, while we're dealing with these two."

"You might want to check on Ron and Neville too." Harry offered helpfully as he watched the door shut before closing his eyes and resting his head back against the pillow as he felt five incredulous eyes on him.

"Virgin?!" Was the simple, incredulous chorus from five unified voices.

"Err, yes?"

"Well, I guessss that doesss explain the eagernessss and lack of any real ssskill." Tracey noted with a slight smirk on her lips as she nibbled on his bare chest. "Very, very eager though."

"Definitely enthusiastic." Susan agreed before she smirked slightly up at Harry. "If a bit rough on certain things, leaving me a bit sore."

Harry blushed brightly and closed his head. "Eh heh… Sorry?"

"Eh, we'll work on it." The redhead responded with a slight smirk on her lips as her eyes twinkled playfully.

"… Errr… we will?" Harry was staring now, blinking again as he slowly looked from one girl to the next, before he swallowed, heavily and spoke in a bare whisper. "I'm not dreaming, am I?"

"Nope!" Five voices chorused back at him cheerfully.

-o-o-o-

Neville blinked slowly as the world slowly came into focus, forcing his mind back onto the last string of memories he could recall. The Weasley twins smiling. Oh, bugger.

Slowly glancing around Neville took a moment and made a slow, quite count. "One, two, three… four? Oh, dear…"

It was then that the door chose to swing wide open to reveal a pair of familiar faces. "Neville!"

The twins paused a moment, and blinked as they made note of one of the nude figures strewn out across Neville's chest. "GINNY?!"

"Huh…? Wot…?" The red headed girl in question blinked sleep glazed, golden eyes a bit as she looked up and made note of her brothers as round, lion like ears twitched atop her head and her thick, golden tail twitched a bit. "Lemme sleep, 'fore I hex the both of you."

"Mum is going to kill us." One of the twins noted.

"Slowly and painfully." His brother agreed, just before they were both again grabbed by their ears.

"OW!"

"Um, err…" Neville was stumbling over his words for a moment as he stared down at the girl curled up against his chest, the ones at his side, the one between his legs then stared even more as the twins were pulled a bit further into the room, to reveal the still irate forms of Alicia, Angelina and Katie.

The girls took one look at the bed then glanced back at the still horrified looking twins, then glanced to the broadly blushing Neville who was attempting to shrink back into the bed. Finally Angelina sighed and released whichever of the twins' ear she held. "Dammit, they were telling the truth."

"What makes you say that?" Alicia asked curiously, not releasing the hold she kept on her own twin's ear.

"That's Ginny right there." Katie offered as she pointed to the lounging cat girl top Neville's chest. "No way these two would risk a chance of her getting caught up in something like this. Hmm… Only four of em at least."

"Only?!" Neville squeaked out as he stared incredulously at the girls.

"Harry has five." Angelina deadpanned as she looked at the girls even as her tail twitched behind her, her eyes glued to the blonde girl with shimmering scales curled up between Neville's legs. "Most of his have wings and feathers though."

"Harry?" Ginny blinked a bit more into awareness before she glanced down, note her lack of clothing, well, the lack of clothing of pretty much everyone before looking up at the boy she was perched atop. "Oh, hey Nev… Oh, bugger… Dean is going to be pissed off."

"Someone… please… please tell me this is a dream and I'm going to wake up soon?" Neville hoped with a slight whimper of fear.

"Mmm…? Dream?" The dirty blonde head that was resting between his legs looked up to reveal Luna Lovegood, blinking at him as she lightly nibbled on a pewter hued, scaled tail. "My, you seem to have gotten a nasty wrackspurt infestation."

Soft, incoherent mutterings could be heard, though as they rose, they were quite obviously not in English as he looked down to see a petite, Asian girl at his side. Her face decorated with patches of crimson scales, a pair of horns jutting out the back of her head, with a flowing, fin-like crest running down her spine and along her tail. A single eye cracked open, to reveal a slitted, blue orb before she shut it again and curled more firmly against Neville's side.

"Well, yes, I suppose it is a rather rude way to be woken up, but no need for such language, Su Li." Luna chided lightly before she smiled up at Neville dreamily.

The oriental girl snorted slightly, a slight mushroom of flame appearing in the air even as she curled more tightly against Neville's side. On the other side, a blonde, her mussy hair done up in pigtails, shifted, her grey wolf ears twitching slightly as her matching tail twitched just a bit along with her leg. As Neville stared a moment, he could see the edge of her pink tongue sticking out of her mouth, before he turned his head back to the amused looking foxes and the still horrified twins.

"Help?"

"Longbottom, we left Harry all alone with even more girls, and we've still got to go check on your kitten's brother." Angelina spoke up, a slight smirk on her lips as her eyes twinkled wickedly. "So, what makes you think we wouldn't leave you in the same predicament?"

"You're a kind and generous person, who wouldn't leave someone who DOESN'T regularly face down Dark Lords in a position like this?" The boy offered almost desperately as he pleaded with his eyes.

"Nice try." Alicia smirked softly back at the boy and shook her head just a bit. "Do have fun."

As the twins were dragged away, Neville glanced down at the purring girl on his chest, and groaned audibly. "Bugger, Dean is gonna kill me."

-o-o-o-

In a slow, shocked procession, the twins allowed themselves to be lead to the final room, their eyes glassy with shock. For a moment, they blinked slightly at the scene in front of them, before their faces somehow paled even further. Glancing for a moment at one another, they then turned their heads and turned towards the three girls accompanying them and as one, spoke in a dead tone. "Now are you convinced?"

"What? So your brother is in bed with Brown, Granger and... Oh, bloody..." Alicia spoke up, before suddenly paling visibly as she stared at the third girl laying naked in the bed.

It was then, that they heard the slight giggle of amusement escaping Angelina's lips as she caught sight of the girl herself, before quickly growing into a full on laugh that rapidly awoke the sleeping redhead.

"Wot...? Huh? Whazzat?" Eyes glazed and unseeing, Ron vaguely recognized the identical mops of red hair and reflex immediately kicked in. "What did you do to me this time?"

Wordlessly, the twins raised their fingers and pointed to the three girls occupying the bed with the boy. Blinking slightly Ron stared for a moment before turning his head and leveling a look at his brothers. "If I wasn't a dead man, I'd kill you both."

The twins nodded wordlessly as they merely stared at the feathered forms of Hermione Granger and Lavender Brown, along with the unconscious, dog eared and dog tailed form of Pansy Parkinson.

"Well, at least it's only three, right?" Katie offered up with a slight, mischievous grin on her face. "It's not like he's gotta worry about dying from exhaustion like Harry does with his five." She paused a moment, before lightly tapping her lower lip. "And, he's only got one snake, instead of two like Harry. And it could have been worse."

Ron turned his attention fully onto Katie, his mind going blank at the full implications of her words rising only to catch the last part of her statement. "Worse?"

"You could've ended up with Ginny in your bed like Longbottom."

Slowly, Ron's head turned towards the blank, grim faces of his brothers, before slowly he spoke. "You two are going to die. Slowly, and painfully."

"We know."

"Actually, I think I'll ask Harry if he knows how Voldemort kept coming back, just so we can each have a turn killing you two." Ron slowly canted his head to the side in consideration. "I'm sure Charlie would like to know which species of dragon digests their still squirming prey the slowest."

"We get the point already." The twins glared slightly at their younger brother, and huffed just a bit.

"And I'm sure Bill has some Egyptian curses he'd love to try out…" Ron continued to muse aloud as he let his mind slowly wander. "Maybe some type of rotting curse?"

"Ron…"

"I don't know, he's on a roll here." Angelina spoke up, grinning softly as her arms crossed about her chest.

"I suppose we really should save these two." Alicia sighed as she cut in, before grinning darkly as she suddenly screamed. "OI! WAKE UP YOU THREE!"

With a start, three groggy heads immediately shot up and blearily looked around, as their eyes slowly came into focus. A moment later, one of them finally spoke. "Won-won!"

"Gaaaaah!" Ron winced as he was practically crushed by the rainbow plumaged Lavender. "Help?"

"Ronald Weasley! How could you!" Hermione blushed brilliantly as she quickly crossed her arms about her bare chest. "What the bloody hell did you give us?!"

"… Oh god, someone kill me now!" Pansy whimpered softly as she shrunk in on herself. "The weasel… the mudblood… the bimbo… Oh god, someone oblivate me!"

"Not me! Twins!" Ron managed to choke out as he discovered that Lavender's feathers didn't just make him want to start laughing when they brushed against his skin.

"Sorry interrupt, girls, but there are a few things you should know." Katie spoke up, even as she lightly crossed her arms about her chest and chuckled quietly. "First off, he probably doesn't remember a thing about what happened last night after he had a drink with the twins."

Ron nodded vigorously at that, while Lavender blinked a moment before pouting in disappointment. "Not a thing? But he was an absolute animal!"

"Tell me about it." Pansy muttered just a bit as she shifted slightly. "I've never been this sore before."

"… Not your first time rutting, eh Parkinson?" Angelina smirked back at the girl her eyes dancing with amusement as she shook her head.

"Oh, shut up." Pansy blushed brightly even as she glared back at the girl. "Like any of you three are ones to talk! I've actually HEARD some of the noises you've made with your boy toys over the years."

"Mmm?" Angelina arched a brow slightly before shrugging just a bit. "Half the time you probably heard our girl toys, not us."

"Ugh, that's disgusting!" Pansy made a face as she fought down a shudder. "It's bad enough I have to endure that halfblood Davis leering over Greengrass!"

"Tracey Davis? Well, considering the state we last saw her and Greengrass in, I don't think you have to worry about her leering much anymore." Alicia spoke up, smirking just slightly as she crossed her arms about her chest. "Last we saw them, they were both leering more at Harry than anything."

Ron blinked a moment as he managed to escape Lavender's almost death grip on him to catch the former chaser's statement. "Harry's in bed with Greengrass and Davis? Figures that if he was gonna end up in bed with a snake, he'd get the two best looking ones…. OW!"

Hermione glared at the redhead as she lowered her hand and grumbled slightly. "Stop that, Ron."

"Second," Katie continued smirking just slightly as she shook her head. "Harry and Neville are in the same boat as you, though they have more girls in their beds."

"Oh, just bloody brilliant."


	29. HP: Final Potter

Disclaimer: Final Fantasy Belongs to Square Enix. Harry Potter to JK Rowling.

Author's notes: Beware, for here there be dragons. This is all Fosfor's fault. All of it. Damn you, Fos!

-o-o-o-

Burning emerald eyes stared in defiance against the mocking laughter that echoed off the lips in front of him. Around him, he could feel the palatable anger of his comrades, of his friends surging. There was no moment of shoring resolve, there was no need to steady their nerves. Beneath them lay the broken remnants of three goddesses. Below them lay the twisted creations forged from their stolen power.

Before them now, stood all that remained. The mad man who had stolen the very life's blood of this world's magic and made it his own. Floating in the air in a twisted mockery of angelic divinity, with his lips split into a grin of pure, smug, self assured madness he was within their grasp at last. In his eyes, there wasn't even the slightest measure of fear or worry as he let his twisted laughter fill the air.

Around him, he could almost feel the weapons drawn, and the thrumming, comforting hum of magic pulsing hungrily to be unleashed. His own fingers gripped tight on his blades, the twin Gladiuses as he felt the steadying pulse of the warm gem he bore beneath his shirt. This would be the end, there would be no retreat, there would be no escape for the mad man.

Here, the mad abomination named Kefka would fall and die.

A small part of Harry Potter wondered, if only for a moment, just what it was his old friends, on his old world would be doing now, safe and secure as they were. Far away from the troubles of worlds in war, planets dying and the men that dared to become gods. Probably studying, or enjoying a bright summer's day, marveling at the wonders of magic, never comprehending the horrors it could unleash.

"So far… you've all come so far, fighting struggling…?" The grinning creature shook his head as he lightly twisted his body this way and that. "And that poor, poor Triad… just went and smashed them all to pieces didn't you? But, HA! That wasn't enough, was it!? Didn't I tell you before? It's MINE! All MINE!"

"We will stop you, Kefka. We won't let anyone else suffer under your madness!" Harry smiled faintly for a moment at Terra Bradford's declaration, the pulse of her magic filling the air as the Illumina shone in her hand, its light standing defiantly against the twisted mockery that Kefka exuded.

"My two little toys, thinking they can stop me…" Kefka shook his head, grinning as he let off a cackle of amusement as his eyes flicked between Terra and then Harry himself. "Oh, don't you remember all the fun we had together? All those screams, all that DESTRUCTION!"

A frown marred his face as he shook his head, a sudden anger flashing across his features. "Then you had to go and break my precious little gifts… Now you silly, silly things think you can defy me. I MADE you what you are today!"

"Made us?" Harry's voice growled out, anger flashing across his eyes as he could feel the pulse of Bahamut's roar on the wind, crying out for release. "You made nothing! You tried to destroy us! And you FAILED!"

A twisting pulse of anger flashed again across Kefka's face as his attention turned riveted onto the man. "Oh, oh, oh! Little Harry's forgotten already who taught him so much about magic hmm!? Who taught him to fight to kill… Naughty naughty little toy! Trying to pretend you're not all mine, no matt-!"

The exploding scream of Bahamut's cry erupted into the air as the grand Esper was made manifest by the call of Harry's power, a blast of destructive power blasting into the man, cutting off his words in mid sentence. When it cleared, the godling floated, singed, but apparently none the worse for wear. Save for a growing expression of fury rippling across his face, only to have his words cut off before they could leave his lips.

"You stole EVERYTHING from me for over five years you fucking bastard! Shoving it all down, trapped where I couldn't feel, where I couldn't remember…" The anger burning in those emerald eyes only seemed to grow with each passing moment, as he hissed angrily passed his lips. "You stole my life… My dreams, my hopes… And I'm going to rip them back no matter what!"

"Dreams… Hopes… Lives… Bah! Little things that come and go without meaning or purpose! I'll show you the truth when I bring them crashing down around you!" Then, the battle was joined, and all those thoughts and words melted before the wicked heat of battle.

-o-o-o-

The sigh of relief that rippled through their lips as the mad man's still laughing body crumpled to dust lasted only a moment before suddenly they could feel things change, and a sharp, sickening realization hit Harry. Before he could bring his thoughts to words, there as a sharp, audible crack, as suddenly they could feel the tower suddenly, violently begin to shake. All around them, they could see it, as it began to slowly crumple back into the miss matched debris Kefka had forged his tower from.

Magic. They'd just killed the bearer of the stolen essence of this world's magic. They'd destroyed it, and without it, everything that it imbued, everything it touched was being robbed of its power. He lurched forward, pushing towards the others even as he could feel something, suddenly pulling on him. "What in the bloody hell…?"

"Harry!" Terra's voice called out, echoed moments later by others as the man in question could see the looks of growing horror written on their faces, even as Terra's father pulsed into view, freeing himself from his decaying magicite. "What's happening?!"

"Magic is leaving." Harry said it before Maduin could open his mouth with a sudden quiet certainty that brought everyone's eyes immediately onto him. "All of this world's magic... That's the price to pay for defeating Kefka. The espers can't stay any longer..."

"Harry...?" There was a moment of worry, flashing across the girl's eyes as a slowly dawning look of horror began to etch itself across her face. "Then..."

For a moment, Harry said nothing, staring back into the horror etched eyes of the half esper girl who'd experienced an almost frighteningly similar fate as his own. Gone now was that frightened confused girl who had been forced to come to grips with everything that she was, everything she'd been forced to do. In her place, the confidant young woman who had fought at his side blade and magic singing in the desperate battle for peace.

As he stared into those beautiful blue eyes, he could feel the way his own lips drew back into a smile, he felt for a moment, his mind flashing back in a sudden, vivid recollection. The soft touch of her skin, the feeling of her warmth, her embrace, and the taste of her lips on his. That simple, perfect moment of intimacy as he offered her that simple, soft little smile as his eyes conveyed more than his words ever could.

Then an instant later, his eyes flashed from hers, and he took a moment to study the rest of their group, his friends, for one last time. Etching every detail he could into his mind. Burning their faces into his memories as he could feel the sudden stabbing weight of that horrible realization that he'd never see his friends again.

Locke Cole, the whimsical treasure hunter, always ready with a joke and often comically exaggerated reactions who'd helped rescue them both after they'd first been freed from the slave crowns that had forced them into the Empire's service. The man who'd grown into a kind of older brother to the two former weapons, over protective almost to a fault. A nod was all he could manage, along with a soft, bittersweet smile that lasted only a moment before he moved his eyes again.

Celes Chere. Still echoing the aloof but curious girl who'd stolen his first kiss when he was nothing more than than a mindless slave to the empire even as she leaned into Locke. For a moment, there was an instant of silence, a moment that stretched into endless seconds where his face stood impassive. Finally, the slightest of nods was given, and a look flashed across his that earned him a sudden release of tension from the woman and a grateful nod in return.

As his eyes then met Shadow, the ninja gave him only the slightest of nods, bowing his head in a quiet acknowledgment Harry's eyes moved on. There was a stiff snap to attention, as Cyan Garamonde, ever the the stalwart knight raised his sword in a quiet salute. Next to him, the young girl Relm could meet his eyes only for a moment, before she turned her glistening eyes into the robes of her grandfather, as the old blue mage nodded his head quietly back to the young man even as he enfolded the girl in his arms.

The royal twins stood in mute shock, as for a moment, to Harry they looked more alike than they had the entire time he'd known them. Next to them, the wild boy Gau seemed equally confused as he glanced over at the hulking Umaro, the beast just as confused as he was, and the tight faced moogle, Mog, who simply nodded back to the Harry. Setzer, the high flying gambler and pirate that he was, barely seemed to bat a lash as he nodded back to him, and with a slight grin on his face, he nodded his head meaningfully towards the pack of cards tucked into Harry's robes.

After a quick flash towards the enigmatic mimic Gogo, again his eyes returned to Terra before he would finally complete the sentence she couldn't bring herself to.

"The magic that anchored me here is leaving too." There was a bitter sweet smile on his lips as he lifted one Gladius up, and offered a quiet salute to his comrades, and before any protests could leave their lips his body was engulfed in a sudden emerald glow. "Ah well, it was brilliant while it lasted."

The various warriors could only watch in a kind of resigned horror as a pulsing miasma of emerald energy suddenly exploded around him and enfolding him in its embrace and rapidly began to shrink back down. As they watched, the glowing shards of magicite begin to flow up from the various Returners, several vanishing to dust, even as six glowed with a sudden, fierce light and rocketed forward into the green flux before it vanished entirely. When it was done, with glistening eyes, Terra ignored the way it felt as if she was being torn apart from inside as her esper powers were slowly being ripped away.

"Come on, follow me!" With that, she transformed for what she knew would be the final time, and started to flash back down the paths of the tower, her friends and comrades that still remained, following hot on her heels.

-o-o-o-

A sudden explosion of emerald energy spread across the waiting yard of number 4 Privet Drive, a pulsing surge of green hues writhing about, before withdrawing to drop the dusky robed form of a twenty one year old Harry Potter. For a moment, the man lay there, still and unmoving, before a low groan of pain escaped his lips. "Ow."

It was then, he noticed the wide eyed stare of a vaguely familiar figure watching him as he slowly shifted himself around and sat up with a grunt. "Well, at least that was more comfortable than the way there. Mrs... Um... Figg I think it was? Sorry my memory's a bit hazy."

"...J-j-james... Potter?!" The woman stuttered out in wide eyed disbelief as she stared at the young man in front of her.

Frowning slightly, Harry groaned just a bit and shook his head. "Merlin, I know I look like my father and everything, but..." Suddenly a thought occurred to him as he narrowed those emerald eyes on the woman. "Wait... how the bloody hell did you know what he looked like?!"

"H-h-harry?!" Arabella Figg stared at the young man in front of her, a young man who was most assuredly not a 14 year old boy as Harry Potter was supposed to be. "But... But.. you CAN'T be Harry!"

"Well, all things considered, that's who I was last I checked." Harry carefully resheathed his blades and sighed as he slowly stood up and carefully looked around. "Joy. Back 'home' as it were."

"What... What's going on?"


	30. Naruto: Forgotten Journies

Disclaimer: The Forgotten Realms belong to Wizards of the Coast (Unfortunately *mutters about what the stupid bastards did to Mystra and Ellistrae). Naruto belongs to Kishimoto.

Author's notes: For the most part I don't much care for Naruto crossovers because it takes place in its own original universe. This is going to be one of the exceptions. Blame Fosfor/Case13, Skelethin and MageOhki for this.

-o-o-o-

It began with a whisper on the horizon, a casual little breeze that swept through the military village of Konoha that struck at just the right time to slip into the Hokage's tower and brush across the desk of one temporarily reassigned Iruka Umino. The chunin let out a slight squawk of annoyance as the mission papers scattered in an instant, flashing and swirling into the air as he quickly went to work scooping them back up. As luck would have it, it was at that exact moment that a blonde figure burst forward and practically ran into the room.

"IRUKA-SENSEI!"

"Ow..." Flinching back slightly Iruka turned his head and stared at the broadly smiling blonde and couldn't help but feel his lips twitch slightly in amusement. "You know, Naruto, you could always simply greet me like everyone else does."

"Why?" Naruto blinked slightly as he looked up at the man, genuine confusion written across his face.

"... Never mind." Iruka sighed slightly and shook his head before glancing towards the door where he saw the rest of Team 7 entering at a more sedate pace. "Here for a mission then?"

"Yeah! Can you make it a super awesome one?!" Again, exuberance shone in Naruto's eyes as he eagerly smiled up at the man, before frowning slightly as he crossed his arms. "The last ones you gave us sucked!"

"Mah, now Naruto..." Kakashi slowly shook his head and sighed just slightly as he glanced down at the exuberant boy. "D-Rank missions play an..."

"I know, I know!" Naruto huffed slightly and shook his head with a sigh before slumping back down, "You told me already, a buncha times! Doesn't mean they don't suck!"

Iruka sighed and glanced over towards Kakashi, who merely raised his shoulders in an almost bored look of disinterest. "Right, well they still need to be done, and until you get more experience and rise in the ranks, you get to do them, just like I had to do them, and just like Kakashi had to do them."

"Actually, I was sent straight into combat." Kakashi noted with a slight shrug of his shoulders as his students immediately turned their attention fully onto him. "Though, I'm sure, if it hadn't been in the middle of a war, I would have had to do them too."

"Thank you, so much, Kakashi." Iruka ground his teeth slightly as he sent a slight glare at the smiling jonin. "You know, I think I have the perfect mission for you now that I think about it."

"Is it cool?!" Naruto's eyes glistened slightly as he stared up at his former Academy instructor hopefully.

"One of the abandoned supply depots has a rat problem." There was a simple smirk on Iruka's face as he handed the mission statement over to Kakashi. "Your mission is to eliminate the infestation." Seeing the sudden, speculative gleam that flashed across Naruto's eyes, Iruka quickly amended his statement. "With the building left unharmed."

"Awww... dammit." Naruto pouted visibly as Sasuke snorted softly and Sakura gave him a silent glare that promised him pain as soon as they'd left the office.

"Mission, accepted... I guess." Kakashi noted with a slight reluctance as he slowly shook his head and sighed just a bit.

-o-o-o-

Like a great, majestic predator he stalked through the empty, dust strewn corridors with a fluid, stealthy grace. His eyes, sharp as they flicked one way than the next, blade held at the ready. Then it came, a flash of movement in the shadows and with a swift practiced motion, his weapon was airborne, flying towards its target.

"DAMMIT! QUIT THROWING THINGS AT ME!" Sasuke growled as he twisted out of the way of the rock and glared at Naruto.

"Oops, sorry, I thought you were a rat, not a rat bastard." Naruto shot back with an overly exaggerated grin on his lips.

"NARUTO!" Sakura's fist fell on him in and instant as he could feel the impact striking swift and true upon his skull, sending him flying into a nearby wall. "Quite being an idiot!"

"... That didn't hurt." Naruto protest groggily as he pushed his hands back against the stone wall, trying to steady himself against the wave of disorientation swept over him.

"Are you sure about that?" Sakura growled at her teammate as her emerald eyes twitched almost fiercely. "Can't you just be serious for a change?! I mean, look at Sasuke-kun!"

"What? Why would I want to be like.. WOOOOOOOOW!" Naruto's response was cut off half way through as the section of wall he'd been leaning against had fallen in, swinging back to send the boy falling backwards and vanishing into the shadows.

"...Dammit, Naruto! We're supposed to leave this place intact!" Sakura growled again before frowning just a bit as the blonde failed to respond. "Naruto?"

"What did the idiot do this time?" Sasuke grunted as he stalked up next to Sakura and stared carefully into the depths of shadow that opened up before them.

"I don't know." Sakura admitted as she shifted slightly, uneasily staring into the darkness before glancing back at Sasuke. "Do you think... we should make sure he's all right?"

Sasuke turned and stared at the girl for a moment, his eyes narrowed into almost incredulous slits before he immediately shorted softly and shook his head in disdain. "Of course we should make sure the idiot's all right." He paused there for a moment before grunting softly as he added. "What do you think Kakashi would do to us if we didn't?"

"Ah, right..." Sakura nodded her head before staring uneasily towards the waiting darkness, before again glancing towards Sasuke. "So then... Um..."

"... Please don't tell me you're scared of the dark." Sasuke scoffed slightly before stepping forward, ignoring the way the girl seemed to flinch back at his words before he stepped into the darkness. "It's only... Wooooooah!"

"Sasuke!" At the sudden sound of distress, Sakura immediately lunged forward into the darkness, before immediately she could feel her foot falling as the floor gave way to a sudden steep incline, sending her tumbling forward into the darkness and down the sudden slope, until she suddenly smacked into a soft, warm body. "Ooow..."

"Get off me, Sakura!" Sasuke's voice growled as she could feel a hand roughly pushing her away, before the sound of feet a body pushing itself to it's feet could be heard next to him.

"Oi, you don't have to be such a bastard about it, Sasuke! You're the one who landed on me when I was trying to get back up out of here!" That could only be Naruto, as the two could practically feel the glare he was directing towards his other male teammate.

"Quit acting like an idiot, Naruto!" Sakura shot back as she pushed herself up to her own feet and glanced around as they could see the faintest bit of light back up the shift. "The only reason we're even down here is because of you and how you couldn't stop being so childish."

"But, Sakura-chan...!" Naruto immediately protested as they could practically feel his eyes growing wide in the darkness.

"Ugh, if I could see you, Naruto..." Sakura muttered slightly as she shuddered uncomfortably while looking around once more. "It's so... dark."

"I can fix that!" Naruto spoke up quickly as he shifted in the darkness and brought up the hands into a Ram seal as suddenly his body was covered in the rising glow of yellow chakra. "Iruka-sensei taught me to do this when I was trying to figure out how to do clones!"

The soft light rose up and spread out across the boy's body, lighting up the area around them as a look of concentration flashed across his face. "He told me what it was... but I kinda wasn't paying attention."

"Naruto..." Sakura glared at the boy, before hanging her head and sighing slightly as she glanced around the slowly growing visibility.

"Whaaaa?" The boy shot back, frowning as the light suddenly surged a bit more, flooding the area around them.

Then Sasuke noticed that the glow was no longer just coming from Naruto. "Wait, something's going on.. Naruto, cut it out!"

"Huh? Why?" Confusion reigned across the blonde's face as he frown slightly, his chakra dimming but not stopping.

"IDIOT! CUT IT OUT NOW!" A note of panic cut into Sasuke's voice as he pointed to the glow that was spreading quickly across a complex set of characters that was lain across the floor, the walls and up the ceiling. "You're activating a seal!"

"Oh.. CRAP!" Naruto pulled his hands apart like they were on fire, but the glow flowing off his body never halted. "OH CRAP!"

"Naruto!" Sakura almost screamed now as she realized what was happening. "STOP!"

"I AM! I mean I DID! I'm not doing this anymore!" The panic was laced into his voice as well as he glanced around them before pointing to the shaft. "RUN!"

In an instant, all three genin were moving, but it was already too late. The last of the figures lit up, and suddenly flashed, before the room went dark again. Empty once more.

-o-o-o-

They were falling, suddenly. So suddenly that they barely had time to register that simple fact before they landed in a heap on the vibrant greenery of a massive forest floor. For an instant, the soft thud of their impact was followed by a measure of groaning silence only to be broken an instant later.

"GET OFF OF ME!"

Slowly and carefully a black haired figure would stand and slowly look around, followed a moment later by a girl with bright pink hair, before finally a disheveled looking blonde pushed himself up as he visibly grumbled and shook the dust off his orange jacket. For a moment, he said nothing, merely glaring at his two companions, before finally he twitched and glanced around. "... Where are we?"

"Somewhere outside of the village, obviously, idiot." Sasuke snorted softly as he glanced around, before frowning slightly as he glanced up at the massive trees that surrounded them.

"... Are you sure?" Naruto was studying the trees himself, frowning as he squinted just a bit and glanced over them, even as he would occasionally let his eyes dart around in a nervous flicker of movement.

"You mean, besides the fact that there's suddenly a sky over our heads and the gigantic trees all around us?" Sasuke countered with an acidic hiss of breath.

"Sasuke-kun's right, Naruto." Sakura agreed, even as she shifted uneasily where she stood as she felt the hairs on the back of her neck raise up.

"No, I mean... LOOK at the trees. Have you ever seen trees like these around Konoha?" Naruto countered as he pointed to the massive elms around them.

Sakura opened her mouth to shoot back a response, before she actually noticed the trees surrounding them and frowned slightly. "Actually, now that you mention it..."

"So?" Sasuke paused a moment and glanced around. "They're just trees."

"It means that I don't think we're anywhere near Konoha, bastard." Naruto shot back as he glared slightly at Sasuke. "Whatever that seal thingy with those glowing things did, it sent us some place no where near home."

"Great, what the hell have you gotten us into now, idiot?" Sasuke growled as his eyes narrowed into slits as he gazed at the blonde.

Any response Naruto was about to make, was cut off as a dark, melodic chuckle rippled through the air. "Oh now you have no idea how close you are right there, little one."

Immediately all three had shifted into position, crouching low as they drew forth their kunai into defensive grips as their eyes latched onto a smirking figure perched predatory atop a thick tree branch some twenty feet in the air. Their eyes immediately widened as they took in the almost pure white flesh of the dark haired woman, dressed in ragged worn cloth spattered with long dried blood. Her cold, crimson eyes glinted down at them as wings the color of blood shifted around the thick bow she held in her hand as the air seemed to thicken and grow cold as they met her gaze.

"Oh, so the little kitten's think they have claws, do they?" She chuckled slightly, her eyes gleaming in their malicious light as the erinyes calmly notched an arrow into her bow and took aim. "I guess I'll just have to see about clipping them, hmm?"

A frown marred her lips a moment later as she calmly batted away the bladed edge of one kunai with the back of her hand while the other slid harmlessly over her shoulder. "Tsk... really, I'm insulted. Throwing those weak little toys at me? Not even an ounce of magic in them at all!"

The trio immediately scattered out of the way as the flaming arrow flew free from the bow and struck the ground where they'd been an instant earlier. A brow arching up the devil casually curled her lips back into a kind of feral smirk. "Oh, what's this what's this? Quick little kittens, hmm? Maybe you'll be fun to play with after all... I wonder, I wonder... Will you scream when I start to pluck off your fingers, one by one?"

There was a sudden intake of breath further down the branch, and she arched a brow curiously and turned her head, just in time to watch the sudden explosion of fire escaping Sasuke's mouth and consume most of the branch in front of him as he jumped back just as it began to break and fall. The smirk that had blossomed on his lips died a swift death a moment later as he stared in absolute shock. The creature, now quite obviously female as she stood up in all her naked glory was glaring at him in annoyance as her wings spread out wide.

"Fire...? You try to burn a baatezu?!" The outraged snort that left her lips was followed by the drawn hiss of an arrow, before another flaming projectile was launched at the stunned Sasuke. "Oh, I will BREAK you mortal!"

Frozen as he was in that moment of shock, Sasuke began to react too late to the incoming arrow, only to suddenly feel the jarring impact of a body, slamming into him as Naruto knocked them both out of the way of the projectile. Instantly rolling to his feet, Naruto made a single hand sign before suddenly 20 copies of himself appeared around him. A worried frown on his face, Naruto pointed his fingers at the erinyes and shouted out his command. "You know what to do!"

Instantly the clones bounded towards the devil, who actually blinked slightly in surprise before she reacted, drawing her bow again and letting an arrow fly. "Ah, curious... A most interesting little trick you have here, mortal. One I haven't see before, yes..."

As an airborne clone dispersed into a cloud of smoke on the flaming projectile's impact, the others landed on the branch around her. For a moment, the devil canted her head slightly to the side, almost amusingly curious at the clones as she notched another arrow and loosed it point blank into the chest of another. Instantly they were on her, trying to hold her down and grapple her into a hold.

The results were spectacularly horrifying.

For the Konoha genin at least, as they could only watch in shock as the creature, while not dealing with them with the insulting ease of Kakashi, barely seemed to take note of their presence. One clone, who had grabbed hold of the arm holding her bow, was smashed into the nearby tree, dispersing in an instant before the one gripping onto her other arm was stabbed through the eye with an arrow. As she ignored the way the others clung to her legs and waist, she notched another arrow and then took aim at the horrified original.

"Now, let us see if you vanish along with your little copies, shall we?" The creature almost seemed to purr as she cocked her head to the side and grinned darkly at the boy before loosing her arrow.

Fortunately, the blonde ninja was already on the move, dodging out of the way as he bounced over towards Sakura, Sasuke rounding about after him. "Um, anyone got any ideas?"

Sasuke growled for a moment as his eyes narrowed towards where the woman was almost negligently drawing another arrow. "She's not going to be like Kakashi. She WANTS us DEAD. And we're not strong enough to beat her." The last was spat bitterly past his lips even as the three immediately scattered around another of the launched flaming arrows.

"Then what the hell do you suggest we do, bastard?" Naruto growled as he made his seal again, and another group of 10 clones were racing towards the slightly annoyed looking erinyes.

"An annoying, but triffling spell, is this the best you can do?" Her hands moved faster, blasting two more of the clones before they could even reach her, and had an arrow pointed at the chest of a third right as they came upon her.

"... Naruto, how many of those clones can you make and still have enough chakra to move?" Sasuke asked as he watched the devil quickly dispatch the remaining clones.

"Umm... a few hundred or so?" Naruto shrugged his shoulders and scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "I never really tried to count em all."

"..." Sasuke merely stared at the boy for a moment, feeling the urge to let his jaw hit the floor before shaking his head, glancing towards a disbelieving Sakura before he turned back to Naruto. "Can they do transformation?"

"Yeah, why?" Naruto blinked again as he looked at his teammate in confusion just as the erinyes prepared to finish off the last of his clones. "Because, we're running out of time here..."

"Naruto, make as many of them as you can." Sasuke answered simply. "Have half of them attack her, and the other half turn into copies of us and run. We need to get the hell out of here."

"But..." Naruto immediately began to protest before Sakura hit him on the back of his head.

"Are you TRYING to get us killed?! She brushed off Sasuke-kun's best attack like it was nothing! We need to get out of here!"

"Sakura-chan...!" Naruto pouted slightly at her, before frowning as he caught sight of the rather annoyed looking erinyes notching another arrow. "Fine!"

With one sign, suddenly the entire area was filled with copies of the blonde. Hundreds of identical figures glared back at the shocked looking erinyes as they adjusted themselves on their places, covering the forest ground and the massive branches of the tree. For a moment, the devil said nothing, watching as one third of them transformed into copies of the blonde's teammates, before she spoke. "Impressive little trick for a child. But... I can still see which ones are the real versions of you."

Then, suddenly her vision was filled with clones. Jumping at her from every direction, attacking her from every angle. A hiss of frustration left her lips as the blows were absorbed and ignored, but still they weighed her down. She threw them off, but more piled back on, slowing her down as she was forced to destroy them one after another. An outraged scream filled the air as she finally swatted away enough to find no sign of the remainder, nor of the original three. The ground was stampeded over, with tracks heading in each and every direction.

Eyes narrowing, the devil let out an angry hiss even as it viciously shot an arrow into one clone's stomach. "So, you do vanish after all..." A pause, and a cold smirk curled across her lips. "Safe journeys then little ones. Do try and stay safe, until I find you again."

-o-o-o-

Sakura was panting, struggling to keep up with her male teammates as every so often her eyes would flash back behind them to make sure they weren't being pursued. Her whole body burned as she struggled, valiantly to keep up with Naruto and Sasuke, but the pair barely seemed to be noticing the exertion. She paused in her consideration, before slowly amending her statement. Naruto barely seemed to notice it, Sasuke was sweating, his breath coming just a bit harder than normal.

Then, suddenly Naruto had slowed, allowing her to catch up while Sasuke slowed himself as well, glancing with narrowed eyes at the two. Naruto suddenly paused, directly in front of the almost completely exhausted Sakura, causing her to run directly into his back. Not giving her a chance to yell at him for his actions, the boy immediately grabbed onto her thighs, pulling her up his back as he leaned forward then shot forward again.

With a startled hiss of anger, Sakura's voice growled at the boy in between the worn pants. "Naruto! What... Do you think... you're... doing!?"

"You're about to start slowing us down." Was the simple response as the boy continued to run forward, his pace slower than before, but, still faster than what Sakura knew she'd be able to maintain for very much longer.

"He's right." Sasuke added with a grunt even as he quickly fell in line next to the blonde. "We don't know if she's going to follow us, or even what else we might come across." The frown on his lips grew as he glanced around and growled slightly. "We don't even know if we're headed in the right direction..."

"We don't even know where we ARE." Naruto shot back with a growl as he glanced around them. "This is NOTHING like back home. It's just... It's too weird, something's seriously wrong."

"I..." Sakura paused a moment, frozen in indecision, before slumping slightly as she wrapped her arms around Naruto's neck. She knew, logically it was the best choice, Naruto was the least effected of the three of them by their sprint, still her eyes flashed towards Sasuke, longingly for a moment before nodding her head. "We need to find a river, or something."

"Right." Naruto answered simply


	31. HP: The Death God's Cat

Harry Potter and the Death God's Cat

Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling. Bleach to Tite Kubo.

Author's Notes: Errr... eheh.

Harry Potter sighed softly as the slim black cat curled so carelessly in the middle of the Dursley's yard. "You know, if the Dursley's see you like that, they'll probably think you're a freak like me and chase you off."

A single golden eye opened, lazily studying for a moment, before again falling shut as the cat rolled over onto its stomach and stretched out. Sighing softly, the boy shook his head before smiling just a bit as he carefully reached hesitantly down towards the feline, pausing just above the animal's fur. Once more, that eye cracked open, and again the cat seemed to study the boy before seeming to shrug its shoulders.

Taking the cat's lack of visible concern as assent to continue, Harry carefully reached down and brought his fingers to carefully stroke beneath the cat's chin. His smile grew as he heart the soft purr begin to grow from its throat before he gently brough his hand up to lightly stroke against the soft fur atop its head. "You don't really care, do you?"

An almost dismissive sound left the cat's mouth even as it pressed back into his hand.

"I wish I could be like that." Harry sighed slightly even as his nails lightly scritched against the back of its ears. "I wish I hadn't even had to come back here this summer."

"Murr?" Golden eyes opened up and watched him curiously for a moment, before its head butted insistently at his hand.

"The Dursleys don't exactly like anything they think is freakish." He paused a moment before grimacing softly. "Especially magic and wizards like me."

The cat rolled over at that and for a moment, cocking its head to the side, it sat down on its haunches and peered up at him curiously.

"Last year I found out I was a wizard." Harry paused a moment, smiling slightly as he reached out and continued to pet the cat. "It was brilliant. I got my own wand, a broom.... Flying is absolutely... There's just no word for it, going so fast..."

The cat seemed to nod its head in agreement with his statement.

"Yeah." He grinned softly and nodded back himself. "And I finally have some friends! Ron's a bit lazy, yeah, and Hermione... well, she's a little crazy about schoolwork, studying and rules."

The cat seemed to short at the last and gave the boy a look of pity.

"Hey! She's a good friend!" Harry responded quickly in her defense. "It's just... almost all she ever does is study."

"Murr."

"Hogwarts is brilliant though." Harry continued, trying to ignore the look of smug triumph on the cat's features. "Well, except for Snape and Draco." He paused once more before wincing slightly and continuing. "And the guy who killed my parents trying to kill me."

The cat immediately stiffened and looked sharply at him.

"Well, I'm sure this year will be better!" Harry immediately protested as he raised his hands up. "Just have to get through the summer."

The flat look made him wince.

"I just jinxed myself, didn't I?"

The smug nod told him everything he needed to know as he sighed softly in annoyance before a sudden bellow filled the air. "BOY! Why aren't you getting those beds weeded for Dudley's party!?"

Harry immediately winced as he turned his head and beheld the purpling face of his Uncle. "Uncle Vernon..."

"Listen you little freak..." The massive walrus of a man growled at Harry as he towered over him."I expect you to do everything perfect! With none of your freakishness!"

"Yes, Uncle Vernon." Harry quickly bowed his head and nodded.

"I don't want to see you slacking off again, do you hear me?!" The man was practically bellowing his words as light flecks of spittle flew past his lips.

"Uncle Vernon?" Harry put forth his words hesitantly as he glanced up at the man.

"WHAT!?"

"The neighbors, they're staring." The boy quickly pointed with his finger, gesturing without lifting up his head.

The man immediately stilled before turning his head and fearfully glancing out around them. Indeed, various neighbors, out and about in their yards were sending entirely unpleasant looks their way. Paling slightly he none-the-less sent a withering glare at the boy. "Just get it done."

As the man turned and stomped back around to the front of the house, Harry sighed softly and glanced back down at the cat. "Well, that was close."

When the boy turned his back to the cat and resumed his work on the beds, he missed how the cat seemed to flick out of existence for only a fraction of a second. As soon as the animal settled back into place, a startled yell and a crash could be heard in the front of the home. Harry's eyes immediately went wide with surprise when another angry yell filled the air.

"YOU LITTLE FREAK! What did you do?!"

Harry blinked in incomprehension, his hands still buried in the warm earth. "What?"

It was a moment later that a puce colored Vernon stormed back around, his beady eyes almost bulging out of his face as he limped across the ground. "YOU! This was all YOUR FAULT!"

"What?" Harry just stared back at the man in confused disbelief. "What happened?"

"YOU BLOODY KNOW WHAT HAPPENED!" Vernon growled angrily as his fingers clenched tightly into a fight as he loomed darkly over the boy. "You used your bloody freakishness to..."

"But I was here! Working on the beds!" Harry immediately protested as he stared up in wide eyed shock at the man. "I don't even have my wand!"

Vernon stilled at that, his eyes suddenly narrowing as a wide, gleeful smirk suddenly grew across the man's face. "Oh, that's right, your little freak stick... That would teach you, wouldn't it?"

"Uncle Vernon?" Harry's eyes immediately went wide as he stared up at the massive man in down right shock. "No!"

"Don't you dare talk back to me you little freak!" Immediately the man turned around, the intent visible on his form as suddenly, the cat lazily flicked its tail and immediately the man tripped again, falling flat on his face once more. "STOP BLOODY DOING THAT!"

"I'm..." Harry paused a moment, before his brow furrowed as he caught the lazy canting of the cat's head, before suddenly setting his shoulders. "Then don't try to do anything to my wand!"

"... What did you say...?" A slow inkling of fear began to creep into Vernon's mind as he stared back at the boy with a feeling that he was on the cusp of a revelation he most assuredly would NOT enjoy.

"I said don't try anything with my wand." Unlike Vernon, Harry never raised his voice loud enough for the neighbors to hear, staring back at his uncle as he found a steel inside of himself he wasn't even aware was there.

"But... but... you can't do... IT without a wand!" Vernon sputtered back, never quite fully grasping the implications of what he said before it tumbled past his lips.

"If I'm doing this to you now, then obviously that isn't true, is it?" Harry countered as he glared back at his Uncle for a moment. "Either that, or I'm not doing anything at all and you're just clumsy."


	32. Star Wars: The Force Unglued

Disclaimer: Star Wars Belongs (unfortunately) to Lucas Arts.

Author's notes: Mmm... Yeah, blame Fosfor, MageOhki and Skelethin for this.

-o-o-o-

"Look, isn't there anything you can do?" The pair of human men were seated alone, almost completely ignored by the rest of the cantina's inhabitants as one pleaded with the other. "I mean, come on, they haven't been this bad since..."

"Last week?" The second countered with a roll of his eyes and a slight smirk across his lips before he took a sip from his drink and his face wrinkled in distaste. "Really, it's your own fault for letting it get this bad."

"Well, excuse me, I didn't really have much of a choice in the matter with the bonds and what not." The first man countered with a grumble as he took a drink of his own.

"You're the one that made them, remember?"

"I didn't mean to though!"

"Well, that's hardly an excuse." The man paused a moment, before glaring back at the second. "And, it's YOUR fault that I ended up in the situation I'm in."

"Well, how was I to know they'd bond to you? Hell, you were already bonded to your wife!"

"Yes, and need I remind you, that wasn't anything _I_ did." The first responded with a sour twist of his lips before shaking his head. "I still can't believe I let that damned twi'lek convince me to do the bloody bond after her Wookiee decided he had to stay with his people."

"Well, could be worse." The second man answered back with a slight twitch to his face. "Only one of us could have been stuck with that damned Mandalorian."

"Might I remind you, you ARE stuck with a damned Mandalorian I'm not."

"The male one." The correction was quick with a shudder as it left his lips, before his eyes blinked slightly as he caught sight of an unusual sight. "Wait, is that a...?"

Turning his head, the first man glanced over his shoulder and just stared at the sight before him. An old Jedi, dressed in the traditional robes, light saber in hand standing over a rather armless alien of a species he didn't really bother to note. "Well, that explains why there are so few of them left. If they're that bloody..."

"He's coming this way... Huh, interesting." The second man sipped at his drink again before glancing at his friend as he noted the Jedi moving to sit in the table next to theirs. "You know, we really shouldn't."

"The girls will kill us." The first man quickly agreed with a sage nod of his head as he took another tip and grimaced more than slightly.

"Slowly, and painfully."

"In inventive and creative ways."

"And yet, we're still going to do it, aren't we."

"Well, depends..."

"On?"

"Have you been as bored as I have?"

"Well, to a new bit of fun then." The second man raised his glass before taking a slug as he listened in.

"Han Solo, I'm the captain of the Millennium Falcon." The man already at the table stated before he gave a calm nod towards the Wookiee at his left. "Chewie here tells me you're looking for passage to the Alderaan system."

"Yes, indeed, if it's a fast ship." The old Jedi agreed with a careful wariness in his eyes.

"If it's a fast ship?!" There was an incredulity in the man's eyes before he leaned forward and offered them both a smirk. "You've never heard of the Millennium Falcon?!"

"Should I have?" There was a skeptical undertone to the old man's response as he studied the rogue in front of them.

"It's the ship that made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs." There was a pause as the man offered another curling smirk as he leaned forward on the table. "I've out run Imperial star ships. Not the local bulk cruisers mind ya, I'm talking about the big Correlian ships now... She's fast enough for you, old man... What's the cargo?"

"Only passengers, myself, the boy, two droids... And no questions asked." The last was said with a kind of emphasis as the Jedi's eyes hardened.

"What is it, some kind of local trouble?" There was another, knowing smirk on the man's lips as the Jedi could practically see the mental tally working behind his eyes.

"Let's just say we'd like to avoid any Imperial entanglements." It was a vague, simple answer, but the predatory way Han's eyes lit up said it all.

"Well, that's the real trick, isn't it? And it's going to cost you something extra.... 10,000 All in advance." That smug finality in Han's voice immediately made the young boy with the Jedi bristle.

"10,000? We could almost buy our own ship for that!" The anger flashing in his eyes the boy turned his head and looked imploringly to the Jedi.

"But who's gonna fly it kid, you?" The snide smirk on the man's face made the boy tense even further.

"You bet I could, I'm not such a bad pilot myself. We don't have to listen to this..." The boy stood as if to leave, before the Jedi's hand touched on his arm.

"We can pay you 2,000 now, plus 15 when we reach Alderaan." The Jedi cut in with a simple finality.

"...17 huh?" The man looked impressed for a moment, before finally nodding his head. "Ok, you guys got yourselves a ship. We'll leave as soon as you're ready: Docking bay 94."

"94." The Jedi repeated back with a nod of his head.

"Looks like somebody's beginning to take an interest in your handy work." Han spoke up suddenly before where a group of storm troopers were talking to the bartender.

Nodding without a word, the Jedi took hold of the young man's shoulder and quickly melted into the crowd. A moment later, after the storm trooper patrol had walked past, Han was just about to give instructions to Chewie before two men slid down into the stable the Jedi and the boy had just vacated. Giving them an apologetic look the man quickly spoke up.

"Sorry guys, I already have..."

"We know." The first man quickly cut him off, a grin on his face. "To Alderaan, right?"

"You see, we find ourselves in a bit of trouble..." The second picked up.

"We?" The first countered with a mild glare at his friend. "I don't recall being the one with two women fighting over him."

"But you're not going to leave me to them, are you, old buddy, old pal?" The second one looked imploringly towards the first.

"Fine." The man grudgingly agreed before looking back towards Han. "Look, my friend's in trouble two women, both rather... aggressive, to say the least and both interested in having him as all theirs." He took a moment, letting his friend wince and nod in agreement before continuing. "Which leaves us wanting to take a quick trip for a bit of a time."

"Which then, in turn leads us to you." The second one agreed with a nod of his head. "Since you're already heading out, in a quick and avoiding the authorities type fashion..."

"We were wondering if we might be able to purchase passage on the ship as well." The first man quickly supplied with a nod of his own.

"Look, guys, I appreciate the situation, I really do..." Han spoke up as he started to gesture heplessly.

"We'll pay you 1,000 credits apiece now, and another 4,000 a piece when we get to Alderaan." The first man supplied smoothly.

"...So I'd be more than happy to help you out." Han finished with a flash behind his eyes and an eager smile on his face.

"Delightful." The second man nodded before pulling out cred stick and twirling it around his fingers. "Our down payment then and we'll meet you at... what was it again?"

"Docking Bay 94." The first man noted agreeably with a smile of his own. "Just have to get a few supplies first, you know how it is."

"Of course." Hand agreed with a nod, as he quickly took the stick with a broad, growing grin on his lips, before he watched the pair walk away and he grinned over at his Wookiee companion. "Well, what do you know, Chewie, I think things are finally looking up."

Once they were a safe distance away, second man grinned over at the first. "That rogue has NO idea what he's getting himself into, does he?"

"The Force works in mysterious ways...." The first answered vaguely before his lips twitched just a bit. "Oh, how I hated it when they used to tell us that."

"I know, always felt like a cop out to me too." The second agreed as they vanished to collect their gear.

-o-o-o-

"Who would are they?" There was a note of careful caution in the Jedi's voice as he noticed the two individuals walking up the Falcon's ramp. "And why are they boarding the ship."

"Well, you see Messers..." Han paused a moment, before glancing towards the two gentlemen. "What were your names again?"

"You can call me... Carth." The first man from the cantina answered after a moment's thought, before breaking into an amused smirk. "Carth Onasi."

Rolling his eyes a bit, the second man smirked back at his companion, 'Carth.' "Just call me Atton Rand."

The first man paused a moment, before smirking in amusement back at his friend in an apparent private joke before Han spoke up. "Yeah, but we are in a bit of a hurry, so, if you don't mind?"

"Ah, but of course, of course." 'Carth' agreed with a nod as he bowed slightly and gestured towards the ramp, where Atton promptly walked up with an amused chuckle.

"I... see... I had thought..." The Jedi spoke up carefully before frowning as he suddenly clicked his mouth shut as his eyes glanced towards the dock entrance. "No, I suppose you're right, we are in a bit of a hurry."

And with that the Jedi led the boy and the two droids inside past 'Carth' who chuckled a bit and then smirked towards Han, then looked past him and a slight frown appeared. "Um, I don't mean to be alarmed but... I do believe we've got incoming."

Han started as he saw a group of storm troopers suddenly file into the dock, weapons trained on them. "Oh... Chewie! Get us ready to get out of here!"

As Han immediately unholstered his pistol and began to fire back at the group, he blinked slightly as he almost missed the hand sized sphere being tossed into the Imperial squad before suddenly a sonic explosion knocked the squad into a disoriented mess. Turning his head, the captain stared incredulously at where Carth stood with his best expression of innocence. "Hmm.. Oops. Now, I wonder how that grenade got there."

"Riiiiiiight." Han drawled before nodding his head. "How about we get out of here now before their friends show up?"

"Wonderful idea that." Carth agreed with a nod and a cheerful smile on his lips as he quickly ran up the ramp, followed by Han.

As Carth strolled into the ship's hold with a cheerful whistle on his lips, Atton raised a brow casually back at his friend. "You went and had fun without me, didn't you."

"Well, need I remind you, this whole thing is for your benefit." Carth chided lightly with an innocent smile on his face. "Besides, do you know how long it's been since I got to throw a grenade at people?"

"Yes, I was there." Atton agreed and sighed slightly at the odd looks the pair were getting. "You'll have to forgive my friend. He's spent entirely too much time around Mandalorians."

"Do recall, technically we're BOTH Mandalorians." Carth cut in with amusement as his eyes twinkled a bit. "Though, for entirely different reasons."

"Hence, why I don't drag around that pesky armor like you do." Atton supplied with a nod of his head.

"You know, I think I'm going to, ya know go see what that space pirate of a captain is up to." Luke spoke up quickly before vanishing towards the front cabin.

"The pair of you are certainly… interesting." The old man allowed before he turned and began to follow Luke.

"Coming from the Jedi who doesn't know how to hide himself, I'll take that as a compliment." Carth noted dryly, a smirk curling over his lips as he watched the man stiffen slightly in response before looking back at the pair warily.

"A Jedi? What makes you think…?"

"What, you mean besides the Jedi robes, light saber and that ever so annoying kind, benevolent wise man act?" Atton answered with a sarcastic drawl and a roll of his eyes."Gee, I don't know."

"You'll have to forgive Atton. He has… issues with Jedi." Carth spoke up with no small amount of amusement in his eyes.

"And you don't?" Atton countered as his arms crossed about his chest.

"Do remember who I married." Carth shot back with a chuckle before grinning back at the utterly confused old man. "So, got a name, or do we just call you the senile Jedi?"

"I vote the senile Jedi." Atton spoke up quickly, before grinning at the series of chirps that came up from the astromech droid that had been almost unnoticed.

"Really R2! There's no need to be rude! I'm sure that Master Kenobi is hardly senile!" The shining, gold protocol droid spoke up, scolding its smaller companion.

"Hmm… Protocol droid?" Carth paused a moment, before frowning just a bit. "Dammit, I knew we forgot something!"

"Well, we have a protocol droid here, so there isn't any need for us to bring our own." Atton countered with a slight grin on his face.

"Hmph." Carth almost seemed to pout slightly at that. "I still say we could use him."

"Well, I'm sure the girls will bring him and T3 when they show up. Then you'll have to deal with his whining about being left out." Atton paused a moment before shaking his head. "Really, why you haven't just put him in a museum yet…"

"Because, he can still run circles around most every droid out there currently?" Carth shot back.

"Only because you and your crazy twi'lek keep tweaking and upgrading him." Atton muttered slightly before shaking his head slowly. "And, seriously… How many galactic treaties does he break?"

"I'm sure there's one or two he doesn't completely and utterly violate with glee." Carth answered back cheerfully with a happy nod of his head.

"I think… I will join Luke, checking up on our captain." The Jedi Kenobi answered as he slowly backed up and carefully made his way towards the cabin himself.

"Was it something we said?" Carth asked almost innocently before looking at the protocol with a gleam in his eyes. "Saaaaaaay… When was the last time you were upgraded?"

"Oh, dear." It might've been a trick of the light, but the golden sheen of the droid's chassis seemed to pale slightly as the astromech droid at its side let off a frightened trill.

"Don't worry, you're droids! You won't feel a thing!" Carth offered with that growing grin on his lips as his hands rubbed together, before suddenly the ship began to shake in a violent, familiar shaking rippled through the ship.

"Heh, lucky droids, saved by the turbo laser fire." Atton noted as he lightly closed his eyes for an instant before smirking. "Besides… You don't even their specs for upgrading."

"Hence why I would have to properly dismantle them first." Carth agreed with a quick and eager nod of his head.

"… Bad Carth, bad." Atton shook his head and sighed slightly. "Really, think of how jealous he'll be. I imagine he might go so far as to completely scrap our shiny friend here."

"And I'd be happy to put him back together again." Carth agreed a bit too quickly with an eager gleam to his eyes.

"I really have to protest this! I quite like my components where they are!"

"Humph, coward." Carth grumbled sulkily.

The sad, affirming beeps from astromech droid caused the protocol droid to turn and glare lightly at the robot. "R2D2! How can you just take that… that menace's side?" A series of beeps and chimes sounded. "Well I don't care how accurate he is! You don't just…"

The rumbling finally stopped and the sudden smooth shift let them all know that they'd suddenly entered hyperspace.

"Well, now that THAT bit of excitement's passed…" Atton spoke up before suddenly grabbing Carth's shoulder. "Why don't we go and do some maintenance on our equipment?"

"But…" Carth immediately protest, before pausing and frowning. "Fine… But I'm working out here. I wanna be able to bug the Jedi."

"Must you do this?" Atton sighed slightly as he glanced at his friend. "Really… I mean…"

"You say it like you don't love it yourself."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Atton insisted.

"Right, suuuuure." Carth smirked back at his friend and rolled his eyes slightly. "I mean, really, we always bring those advanced training remotes with us. You know, the ones I made to be extra difficult for Jedi to deal with."

"Of course we do." Atton insisted with a quick nod of his head. "We don't want to get rusty after all."

"Right." Carth agreed with a knowing smirk on his lips. "Rusty."

-o-o-o-

"You know, it's really not a good idea to beat a Wookiee in chess." Han noted with a slight little smirk on his lips as he saw Carth calmly decimating his partner in chess.

"Really now? And why would that be?" Carth asked half curiously as he moved a piece into place. "Check."

The angry growl that left Chewbacca's mouth made Han's smirk grow a bit more smug. "It tends to upset them."

"Well, losing tends to upset a lot of people." Carth agreed with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Yes, well most people don't pull other people's arms out of their sockets when they lose… Wookiees are known to do that." Han drawled out with a smirk.

"Please, Wookiees are hardly THAT temperamental." Carth snorted slightly as he watched Chewie move, before moving his own piece without even a moment's consideration. "And mate. Really, you should save the jokes for the wide eyed farm boy. He'll actually believe you."

Chewie seemed to half pout before he let out a rumbling sound as he crossed his arms about his chest.

"Oh, don't give me that look. It's hardly MY fault I've actually been friends with Wookiees before." Carth rolled his eyes and smirk a bit. "And yes, I do know Shryriiwook, as well as Thykaran and even Xaczik."

"Wait, Xaczik?" Han blinked slightly before looking in confusion towards a wide eyed Chewie.

"Coastal dialect." Carth waved his hand negligently "Picked it up when I was on Kashyyk a while back. So, another game?"

"I really wouldn't recommend it." Atton spoke up with a bemused smirk as he casually looked up from the adjustments he was making to a blaster. "About the only person that can beat Carth at chess is his wife, and that's only because she cheats."

"She only wins because I let her." Carth defended quickly and firmly with an offended look on his face.

"Like I said, she cheats." Atton agreed with a grin before he watched the farm boy, Luke, awkwardly waving around a lightsaber a training remote floating about, trying to block the stinging blasts. "Geez, kid, you really do suck at that. I know a blind girl who could do better than you."

When Luke glared at the man, the remote took advantage of his momentary distraction to hit him again. "Ow! Dammit, if you think this is so easy, let's see you do it!"

"Relax, kid. What he's not telling you is that the blind girl is one of the women who he's running from." Carth cut in with a grin on his lips as he let the protocol droid take over the chess table. "Though… he is right, you really do suck at that."

"It's my first time doing this! I'd like to see you do better!" The boy shot back challengingly.

"Carth… No." Atton spoke up quickly.

"What? He challenged me, you heard him." Carth answered back with a positively predatory grin on his face.

"Just… No. Remember what your wife would say." Everyone's attention was riveted firmly on Carth at that, so much so that they never saw Atton sneaking up, disabling the remote and replacing it with another, identical droid.

"Oh, come on…" Carth almost seemed to pout, before suddenly sighing once Atton was back in place. "Fine… Why don't you show us how it's done then, old man?"

The Jedi Knight arched his brow for a moment, before calmly shrugging his shoulders as he walked over and took his light saber from Luke and readied it. "I suppose it wouldn't hurt."

He completely missed the look of predatory anticipation that flashed in Atton's eyes as he readied himself before closing his eyes and focusing himself on the remote. "Begin."

The Jedi blocked the first blast with a calm, fluid efficiency, then the second with a similar ease. As he moved to the third, things quickly shifted. Suddenly the remote was spewing out a near constant stream of short, weaker, stinging little blasts that targeted every part of the man's body, seemingly targeting opposite portions of his body at the same time. The end result, was a number of startled yelps as blast after blast penetrated his defenses and struck his waiting body.

"Huh… that was rather… anticlimactic." Carth noted almost lamely as he lightly shook his head and watched the way the Jedi, Kenobi twisted and wroth beneath the remote's assault before he finally took pity on the man and snatched the remote and deactivated it.

It took the Jedi a moment to realize that the barrage had ended, before he lay there a moment, taking a deep, steadying, calming breath before slowly he turned his eyes around the room, and made note of how Atton was struggling not to laugh. As a look of realization slowly dawned across his eyes, Carth smirked at the man and shrugged his shoulders. "Well, I did warn you, he really doesn't like Jedi."

Snickering softly, Atton innocently held up the original, now deactivated remote before tossing it back and forth between his hands. "Hey, I thought someone as old and experienced in the force would be able to handle that routine, honest!"

"…" Obi-wan stared at the man, as he struggled to come up with a proper response, any response really. When that failed he slowly took a deep, calming breaths before releasing it. "And exactly WHAT routine was that?"

"Mmm? Oh that? It's… a secret of course." Atton shrugged his shoulders and smirked just a bit.

"If you don't mind returning the actual remote?" Obi-wan spoke up in a more than slightly stern voice as he lightly glared at the man, before suddenly he, Atton and Carth stiffened together, though with everyone's attention focused on the old Jedi they never noticed the other two's reaction.

"Ben?" Luke spoke up, a touch of uncertainty in his voice. "What's wrong?"

"I felt… a disturbance in the force, as if millions of voices had cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced." The man leaned back in his seat on the ground, his eyes distant as he slowly shook his head. "I… have never felt anything like that before."

Atton and Carth both met one another's eyes, before nodding their heads in unison as Atton set the remote down on the floor in front of Ben and moving back to immediately begin efficiently reassembling his blaster. As Atton went to work, Carth pulled out a suit of Mandalorian armor he quickly began to pull on with a practiced efficiency. When the eyes were turned onto him, he merely shrugged in response.

"What? I did mention I'm Mandalorian." As he carefully fitted the armor into place, he almost smirked as he saw the way the Jedi's eyes widened in almost disbelief.

"Expecting a fight?" Han asked with a note of amusement on his face as he rolled his eyes at the pair's actions.

"Again, Mandalorian. I always expect a fight." Carth agreed with a nod as he casually adjusted the various plates of armor.

"Huh… Ya know… that armor kinda looks like the one a bounty hunter who's come after me a couple of times wears." Han noted as he studied it a bit with narrowed eyes. "Only, Boba Fett's is green instead of the red and black."

"Ah, yes, Jango Fett's 'son' as it were." Obi-wan's head nodded slightly in thought as he briefly remembered the infamous bounty hunter's final battle against Mace Windu. "He too wore a similar armor."

"Again, Mandalorian armor. The design's been around for thousands of years now." Carth's lips twitched just a moment before he slowly shook his head. "Ever since the founding of the clans, since long before even the Mandalorian Wars and Exar Kun and Ulic Qel-Dromas."

"What? Who?" Luke spoke up, confusion written on his face and he glanced between Carth and Obi-wan.

Carth stared at the boy for a moment, before shaking his head with a look of annoyance on his face as he resumed strapping his armor into place.. "Damned ignorant farmboys."

"Hey!" There was a flash of anger across Luke's eyes as he glared back at the man.

"What'd the boy say this time?" Atton spoke up as he shifted his attention back to the two, his pistol reassembled and settled into place at his side as he started to strap a second one into place before pulling out a rifle.

"He doesn't know about the Manadorlian Wars, Exar Kun or Ulic Qel-Dromas." Carth spat back as he grumbled.

"And neither does the Jedi apparently, your point?" Atton shrugged as he pointed out the vague look of incomprehension on Kenobi's face.

"It's disgraceful." Carth's face twisted sourly as he shifted his glowering from Luke to his friend.

"Not everyone can be a historian you know." Atton pointed out with a chuckle.

"I'm going to guess it had something to do with Mandalorians?" Luke finally spoke up, before his voice carefully drawled with sarcasm. "What with the obsession you seem to have with all things Mandalorian."

"Oh, you have NO idea." Atton agreed with a quick nod of his head and a slow, visible shudder. "When he gets with the other two… Well, generally it either involves a lot of drinking and reminiscing or…"

"Or?" Obi-wan put forth, curious in spite of himself.

"A lot of property damage." Atton finished with a smirk as Carth pondered the words for a moment.

"Well, true enough." The admission was said with a cheery smile and a nod. "Then, my wife yells at me and your Echani pouts that we didn't invite her along for the fun."

"Yes, well your wife should've known the trouble she was signing up for when she married you." Atton agreed with a sage nod of his head.

"You'd think that, wouldn't you?" Carth pondered a moment, lightly rubbing his chin for a bit before grinning slightly as he shrugged his shoulders all the same. "Still got your generator?"

"Of course." Atton actually looked offended at that. "Do you have yours, or do I need to tell your twi'lek your head was filled with bantha poo again?"

"I will not deign that worthy of an answer." Carth huffed slightly and crossing his arms about his chest. "And she's not my twi'lek."

"Well you are her Mandalorian." Atton countered back with an innocent grin on his face.

"And see if I help you out again the next time they're fighting over you." Carth shot back with a glare and a shake of his head as he pulled his gauntlets on.

"…Crushgaunts?" Atton blinked slightly before giving the man a look. "Aren't those rather… illegal these days?"

"I do not recognize the laws of any Mandalore that does not bear the mask." Carth shot back haughtily. "Especially ones that started from the pawn of the True Sith in the Great Galactic War…" He paused then, before glaring Luke and Obi-wan. "And I swear, if you don't know about the Great Galactic War..."

"That one I know about." Luke responded defensively, his hands raising up quickly. "Big, bad empire came in, tried to conquer, we fought, and eventually beat em."

"The last major offensive of the Old Sith Empire." There was a slight nod from Obi-wan. "The one that lead to their extinction."

"Extinction, riiiiiiight." Atton drawled out with a roll of his eyes as the sarcasm dripped off his words. "Because, we all know, the Republic wasn't conquered by a Sith."

"You're only saying that because the blind girl was insufferably smug for a week instead of just her usual annoyingly smug self." Carth shot back and smirked just a bit before sighing slightly as he lightly pinched at the bridge of his nose before glancing into his pack as a visible debate crossed his face.

"Oh, just put it on already." Atton said in disgust. "The only ones who might recognize it anymore are Mandalorians anyway. Besides, it's not even the original."

"I know I know…" Carth muttered a bit before brushing the dark, wine colored armor set on a flexible black weave. "But, you know me."

"Do you two always talk in riddles?" Luke asked half curiously as he glanced between the pair.

"Nope, but it's fun to leave the Jedi guessing." Atton admitted with an unabashed grin on his face. "They take entirely too much pleasure in their riddles to be honest. Makes it sooooo satisfying to be the ones riddling them."

"You two speak so freely of Jedi… As if they weren't almost extinct." Obi-wan shook his head with an air of almost insult as he lightly glared at the two.

"Heh." Carth smirked softly at the man and shook his head. "Jedi and Sith are like cockroaches. You can never get rid of them all."

"No matter how much you might want to." Atton agreed with a grumbling mutter.

"Again, I point out you're unduly biased against Jedi." Carth countered for a moment, before pausing and considering his words. "Well, not unduly. You have very, very good reasons to be biased against Jedi…"

"I still don't understand how you can just get over what they did to you." Atton countered back as he huffed just slightly. "What they did to you was just as bad as what they did to me."

"True." Carth agreed with a knowing nod of his head. "But, I got my wife out of the deal, so…"

"True." Atton grudgingly echoed as he nodded back to his friend. "I suppose she would make up for it."

Obi-wan just stared at the two men, his mouth opening now and then as if to interject before shutting on its own as they continued. Finally he just reached up, pinching at the bridge of his nose and let loose as slow drawn out sigh. "And I thought Anakin was frustrating."

"My father?" Luke spoke up, suddenly rather curious as he looked eagerly at the old Jedi, who immediately fought back a groan.

"Yes… He could be… impulsive." Obi-wan allowed with a careful selection of his words.

"Ooooh. One of THOSE." Carth nodded his head as he jerked his head towards his companion. "Sounds like Atton. He used to have a problem following plans."

"A problem following plans?" Atton lightly glared at his friend. "I'll admit I did used to think with my heart more than…"

"Do recall the events that lead to Vrook and the rest of the blowhards exiling you." Carth pointed out, his face going strangely hard as he crossed his arms about his chest as he lightly glared at his friend.

" Oh… that." The words came almost blandly past the man's lips as he lightly nodded his head in acquiesce. "Yeah…"

"Yes. That." Carth agreed with a hardened glint to his eyes and a slow and deliberate nod of his head as he carefully pulled out a helmet and mask as he pulled it on his face and secured it into place as he glanced towards Han. "So, Boba Fett, the infamous bounty hunter."

"Yeah, met him a couple of times, escaped him a couple of times… you know how it goes." Han shrugged his shoulders almost negligently as he waved his hand.

"I suppose." Carth agreed, nodding his head quietly before settling into an almost grim silence.

"Don't mind him, he really doesn't much care for Fetts." Atton spoke up before shrugging as the expressionless mask turned onto him. "What? You do. Only Juhani disliked them as much as you do."

"And the rest like her." Carth countered with a grunt and a grumble before shaking his head as he carefully adjusted even more sections of the armor and began to add more and more pieces.

"Geez, what're you, expecting a war?" Luke stared at the man, who simply seemed to cock his helmeted head to the side as he regarded him for a moment.

"Well, he does have a good point…" Carth's voice was positively cheerful as he looked back at Atton and it took on an almost hopeful expression. "Do you think we'll get to have a war?"

"Well…" Atton paused a moment as he responded, eying the worried looking Jedi for a moment before shrugging his shoulders. "Sure, why not?"

"War is hardly something to look forward to." Obi-wan spoke up as a stern frown crossed his face. "War is…"

"Fun." The man in the Mandalorian armor cut in happily as they could hear the smile on his face.

"You'll have to forgive my friend. He is, as you might've noticed, a Mandalorian." Atton shook his head as he carefully began to double check his equipment. "You know how they are."

"He's a Jedi." Carth pointed out with a slow amused snicker. "And not just that, he's from one of the idiot incarnations of the Jedi."

"… Idiot incarnations?" Luke spoke up with a look of curiosity in his voice.

"Oh, you know, the whole make no attachments, let go of your emotions, become a mindless drone under strict and inflexible teachings that prohibit growth and hid the discoveries of the past." Atton noted with a bemused smile even as he never looked up from his equipment. "Also known as the reason that they get their asses handed to them by such a small number of Sith."

"Well, let's be honest." Carth cut in with a soft sigh. "The Sith are just as bad. All darkness and hatred and surrendering to your emotions and desires."

"This is true." Atton agreed with a sad nod of his head. "Not to mention how little self control they can end up having. I mean, look at this 'Emperor' that's out there. He does his big reveal, and then after years of playing things carefully, he immediately goes on a Dark side binge and over indulges like crazy."

"He did actually win though." Carth pointed out as he would stick a vibro knife into his boot. "Sent the Jedi packing."

"Not like it was the first time it's been done." Atton countered with a shrug of his shoulders.

Carth's voice took on an odd, almost dreamy quality as he answered. "Yes… I know."

"... I fear I don't want to know why his voice is like that." Obi-wan muttered softly as he slowly shook his head, watching the two with even more wariness than before.

"I thought the Jedi taught that fear lead to the dark-side?" Atton spoke up before glancing towards Carth. "Bad Carth, bad! You promised your wife you wouldn't send anymore Jedi onto the path to becoming Sith."

"No." The Mandalorian shook his head, giving the impression he was smirking beneath his mask. "I promised her I wouldn't go out of my way to turn anymore Jedi to the dark-side. I NEVER said I wouldn't drive them there by just being me."

"Ah, right, forgot about that." Atton paused a moment before considering his words a bit more carefully. "All right. Just remember you're the one that will have to deal with her."

"Please, like I haven't endured her tantrums before."

"I'll tell her you said that."

"Go ahead, I've still got plenty enough dirt on you to bury you so far in Coruscant that, well...."

"Hmph." Atton glared slightly back at the man before sighing just a bit as he holstered his blasters and raised his hands in surrender. "Fine, fine. I won't tell her about your illicit attempts in subverting poor, innocent..."

"Jedi? Innocent?" The disbelieving snort was followed immediately by a wry observation. "This coming from YOU of all people."

"You're right." Atton agreed after a moment's thought before he turned his head and glared at the thoroughly disturbed looking Kenobi. "Foul Jedi! Trying to drive a perverse sense of pity for your miserable existence onto me!"

"Miserable existence?" Luke spoke up, clearly confused as he glanced at the odd pair. "What would be so miserable about being a Jedi?"

"They look down on certain... practices." Atton confided in a rather loud, stage whisper. "Certain, rather... enjoyable practices."

"Yes, they try to avoid fights all the time. Where's the fun in that?" Carth agreed with an eager nod of his head.

"A Jedi seeks peace, not conflict." Obi-wan cut in as he crossed his arms about his chest. "They promote justice and seek to protect the weak..."

"Thank you." Atton cut in with a look of obvious relief on his face as he released an audible sigh. "You had me worried there for a second."

"The Jedi, Luke, have long been a force for..." The old man continued, before he was interupted for a moment.

"I thought for a second there, I had run into one of the few Jedi out there that didn't spew that hypocritical stream of runny bantha shit." Nodding his head sagely, Atton turned his head purposely ignored the laugh that escaped their captain's mouth as he turned his attention to Luke. "Now, you see kid... To be a 'proper' Jedi, they expect you to give up certain things."

"Like being able to enjoy a good fight." Carth put in quickly.

"Now, really, gentlemen..." Again the Jedi attempted to cut in only to be once more summarily ignored as Atton continued.

"Yes, like a good fight. A good drink. Gambling, Jokes, Pranks, Show original thoughts, any and all types of a family. But, all of that pales compared to one of the biggest, most important of things..." Atton paused a moment before he shuddered once more. "They expect you to give up... sex."

"Well, they do get them young, so they have enough time to beat it out of their minds before they even reach puberty." Carth pointed out with a slight quirk of his lips. "Why do you think so many of the attractive female twi'lek Jedi turn to the dark-side?"

"Personally, I always thought it was because they realized that too many of those dirty old Jedi Masters were hoping to get themselves some hot young twi'lek lovin.'" Atton supplied with a sudden smirk at Carth. "So, really, we should just have YOU be a Jedi Master. After all, you've had enough practice avoiding amorous twi'lek..."

"Wouldn't that just mean they'd be running away even more according to him?" Han observed with an amused smirk curling onto his lips.

"Very much so, hence why it's a horrible, horrible idea." Carth agreed with a quick nod of his head. "Not to mention, those robes chafe something fierce."

"True enough." Atton agreed with a reluctant nod of his head. "Not to mention the Sith have always had so much better fashion sense."

"Just don't let my wife hear you say that." Carth paused a moment, before pursing his lips softly. "Never once have I ever regretted winning her in that race."

"... You won your wife in a race?" Luke's eyes bugged out at that, staring incredulously at the Mandalorian.

"Well, I didn't ever mention it until I was convincing her to have a bit of... fun." Carth admitted and again, you could hear the broad smirk in his voice. "Turned out, a little bit of... reinventing of the second time we met was very... stimulating."

"Yes, and please don't remind me about the times the two of you reinvented the FIRST time you met." Atton made a face and shuddered softly. "You gave the girls... ideas." He paused, before adding a sudden, wicked smirk. "Not to mention you left your poor, poor little twi'lek so very, very frustrated."

"I still maintain that she isn't MY twi'lek, dammit." Carth grunted softly before shaking his head and glancing towards a wide eyed Luke. "Bottom line, kid. Being a Jedi sucks. Besides, if you weren't such a damned naïve farm boy, you'd realize that."

"Dammit, will you quit calling me that?!" Luke spoke up, his eyes flashing as he growled at Carth.

"Hmmm... Nope!" Carth responded with a pleased tone to his voice. "Fraid I just can't do that, kid."

"Great." Luke's face twisted sourly as he sighed and shook his head.

"Tell you what, kid. How about we find someone better than this old party line to teach you the ways of the force, without throwing in all that Jedi party line nonsense?" Atton spoke up with a smirk as he watched the kid with a twinkle in his eyes.

"I don't know... He says my dad was a Jedi..." Luke spoke up reluctantly as he glanced over towards Obi-wan, almost apologetically.

"And yet... here you are." Carth noted with a chuckle of amusement. "He must not have been very good at being the kind of Jedi they wanted."

For a moment, Obi-wan stayed silent, before a flash of pain rippled across the man's eyes as a soft admission left his lips. "No... He wasn't."

-o-o-o-

"So, what're we staring at." Atton spoke up curiously as he watched the looks of pure disbelief on the faces of the four people crowded into the cockpit before glancing around. "Huh... Someone feels the need to overcompensate."

"I think we might want to turn around." Obi-wan noted as the massive image of the Death Star loomed ever closer.

"You know, I think you're right." Han agreed even as he started to pull back on his throttle, only to immediately frown as the entire ship began to shake roughly in protest.

"Um... I'm going to guess that means something's wrong?" Atton ventured casually before smirking softly towards Han. "Ha! You owe Carth 10 credits!"

"Could we do this, you know, LATER?" Han barked out as he glanced over at the Wookiee. "Chewie! Pull up reserve power!"

As the Wookiee howled back at him, Han did his best to wrest the controls to pull back and away. "It's not working! They've got us in some kind of Tractor beam!"

"So, sounds like we're storming the castle?" Atton asked curiously before grinning and nodding his head. "Ah, fun!"

"Perhaps something a bit more... subtle?" Obi-wan put for the hedgingly.

"Oh, infiltration and demolition? Sure." Atton nodded his head with a sudden, odd gleam in his eyes. "Carth's gonna enjoy blowing up something THAT big."

"Force preserve us." Obi-wan muttered quickly before finally offering up a plan. "I was more thinking we could jettison some escape pods, and make use of the smuggler compartments Mr. Solo most assuredly has."

"Well, not as much fun as what I had planned, but I'm sure we can make it work." Atton agreed with a thoughtful nod of his head.

"… Why do I suddenly have a feeling I'm really, really going to regret ever agreeing to deal with this?" Han muttered softly as he glanced towards Chewie.

"Only for a short bit." Atton correct and grinned back at the man. "You'll be having too much fun by the time we're through with you."

-o-o-o-

Glancing down at the ambushed gantry officers laying unconscious in front of them, Carth was carefully adjusting something on his belt before he glanced towards the Jedi who had just spoke. "Mmm… Nah, I'm gonna head with the Jedi to make sure he stays out of trouble."

"I have the best chance of disabling the tractor beam's generator without being caught. Without being able to cloak yourself in the Force…" Obi-wan immediately began, only to blink and stare as the Mandalorian flicked a switch on his belt and suddenly faded from sight.

"There are other ways of not being caught, you know." The utterly amused quality of the man's voice made Obi-wan start, especially when it came from directly beside him instead of in front of him as the man had been previously.

"A stealth generator?" Obi-wan stared incredulously at the man before slowly shaking his head in disbelief. "How…? That's lost tech…"

"Nah, not lost, merely misplaced." Atton disagreed with a grin of his own as suddenly he too shimmered out of sight. "I'll stay with kiddies while you two run off and make sure that the tractor beam is down." He paused a moment before glancing at Carth's direction. "Still have those…?"

"Heh heh heh." The slow deliberate chuckle sent a shiver down Obi-wan's spine as the Jedi stared at the slight distortion in the air that gave away the only indication of Carth's presence.

"You know, normally I'd say I knew you were gonna volunteer and call you an old fool." Han noted as he carefully studied the pair. "But, to be perfectly honest? I find it far, far more believable that you'll get something done with the crazy, invisible Mandalorian along with you."

"I can assure you, I can do this on my own." Obi-wan protested once more as he looked reprovingly towards Carth.

"And yet, I'm still going with you. Imagine that." Carth responded with an audibly cheeky grin.

"Really, how about we have the little droid finish telling us what we need to know first?" Atton spoke up with a lazy drawl as he shimmered back into sight and gestured towards where R2D2 was accessing the terminal and bringing up the station's schematics. "Instead of just blindly rushing off."

"Well, I suppose a plan would be better." Carth admitted as he glanced down at the droid. "Pretty good slicer are you?"

The chirping beeps that answered him made the Mandalorian nod agreeably, though no one could quite see the motion. "I'll have to introduce you to T3 sometime. So, what've you got for us?"

An instant later, a view of the station sprouted up, and a explaining series of beeps met him back before a route was highlighted in red. After a moment's study, he quickly glanced at the droid once more. "And tell me, is there a route that wouldn't take us TOO far out of the way that would allow for a choice bit of… sabotage?"

After a moment listening to the droid, he nodded agreeably while the droid beeped back at him and another, slightly different path was shown, with glowing dots appearing at certain points. "Hmmm… Yes, that could work."

Suddenly, the droid began to make an excited series of chirps that caused Carth, Atton and C3PO to blink while the robot was the first to respond. "What do you mean you found her? Found WHO, R2?"

"Well, THAT is interesting." Carth smirked beneath his helmet before nodding towards the Obi-wan. "Well, old man, let's get going. We need to get a good distraction going."

"A distraction? Why?" Again there was confusion written on the man's face as he stared at the two.

"So the rest of us can rescue the princess, of course." Atton responded amiably as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Hold it, rescue the princess? What?" Han cut in quickly as he lightly glared at Atton. "Hey, I'm not going to just go risk my neck because someone wants to play the gallivanting knight."

"Wait, princess? As in Princess Leia?" Luke spoke up quickly before he was given a confirming nod from Atton, who grinned cheerfully back at the boy. "We have to rescue her! They'll execute her."

"Well you heard the kid." Atton agreed with a quick nod and a grin as he glanced over at Han. "We HAVE to save the princess."

"I've risked my neck enough already, if you think I'm going gallivanting around…" Han immediately began to protest once more.

"Well, she is a princess." Carth noted neutrally. "And you know, generally princesses do have deep pockets."

"Yeah, the reward would be…" Luke added agreeably with an eager nod of his head. "Well, more than you can imagine."

"I don't know kid, I can imagine a lot." Han argued back even as a slight gleam began to flash across his eyes.

"This is getting wholly too complicated." Ben muttered softly as he sighed in annoyance.

"So, we'll go save the princess, you two will deal with the tractor beam, and the droids… will hold down the fort." Carth noted agreeably before pausing as he grinned at R2. "I'm sure the little fella can amuse himself with some slicing while we're busy."

The sly series of beeps that escaped the astromech droid's speakers brought a happy little smile to Atton's face.

-o-o-o-

"He is here…" The imposing figure of Darth Vader paused a moment, his dark mask turning as he beheld the Grand Moff. "And… There is something… different. Something subtle I can't quite make out."

"Really, you can't honestly believe that Obi-wan Kenobi is still alive." Tarkin shook his head with a look of slight exasperation. "I mean, really… Surely he's dead by now."

"Do not under estimate the power of the Force." Vader turned his attention to the man, a glare suddenly felt, penetrating into the other man. "The Jedi once said the same of the Sith. Look where they ended because of it."

"The Jedi are extinct. You, my friend, are all that's left of their foolish religion." The Moff scoffed softly and shook his head dismissively before a quiet buzz rose up on his com link. "Yes."

"Governor Tarkin! We have an emergency in detention block A A-23… Wait… and we've got a series of conduit overloads across the station! Registering fires on levels…"

"The Princess! Put ALL sections on alert!" The man quickly snapped back with a flash of panic rippling across his eyes as he turned his attention towards the Sith.

"Still so certain that the Jedi are extinct, Tarkin?" There was a tone of mocking triumph in Vader's voice as the man slowly shook his head.

"If you're right… If you're right then he, and any of his compatriots must not be allowed to escape." Tarkin's imperious declaration fell flat with the panicked fear in his eyes.

"Escape is not his plan." There was a pause, before the Sith Lord seemed to still. "And yet.. I sense anxiety, frustration… uncertainty. Something has thrown him off. Curious…"

"Find out what's going on then."

"I plan to, Governor, I plan to."

-o-o-o-

"So, didn't you geniuses have an escape plan for this?" The Princess Leia asked with a sarcastic bite to her words while she glared at the three men and their Wookiee.

"Yes, I did." Atton agreed with a nod of his head before nodding towards Han. "Then the brainiac here decided to panic on the com link before I could take over."

"And what would you have done differently then?" Han shot back sarcastically as he glared at the man.

"Asked them to send a med team to handle a weapons misfire from when a transfer prisoner acted up." Atton shot back before shaking his head and rolling his eyes as he seemed to ponder visibly. "Hmm… I wonder if we've got enough cover for me to use a thermal detonator."

"You've got a thermal detonator?!" Han just stared at the man for a moment before shaking his head incredulously. "Why the hell do you have a thermal detonator on you?!"

"Because we're storming a space station that's the size of a moon?" Atton countered back as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"What are you even DOING with a thermal detonator though!? You're supposed to be running from a pair of girls! What kind of man carries around a thermal detonator, but runs from a pair of women?!"

"You know, instead of taking it to being a statement about me cowardice, you could take it as the simple fact the girls are just THAT scary." Atton responded with a completely reasonable tone as he slowly shook his head. "Gimme a Sith Lord over them any day of the week. The Sith Lord I actually CAN use the thermal detonator on."

Han paused a moment, opening his mouth to answer back before the princess grabbed the blaster out of his hand and shot a nearby grate before growling out. "Never mind! Since we can't go back out that way… through the garbage chute!"

"Well, you all have fun with that." Atton agreed with a cheerful smile on his face before he walked over to the door and started to place a mine a short distance from where the troops would be entering. "You have a fresher on the Falcon, right?"

"You're not coming?" The Princess asked incredulously at the man. "You don't think you can take the entire…?"

"Well, I might, but no." Atton agreed readily as he finished setting the mine, before standing up and thumbing the controls at his waist, causing him to immediately vanish. "I have other tricks though."

"I don't suppose you can fit more than one under there?" Han asked hopefully as he eyed the destroyed grate with a look of disgust on his face.

"Fraid not. Besides, this way it'll take em longer to chase after you." Atton grinned back at the group. "I'll find out where it comes out and meet you there."

"Great," Han said sourly as he shook his head in mild disgust.

"Are you coming or not?" Leia demanded as she shouldered the rifle and dove down into the chute.

"Wonderful, either I'm going to kill her, or I'm beginning to like her." Han muttered before he heard Chewie let out particularly distressed sound. "I don't care what it is you smell down there, get your big furry…" And with that he gave the Wookiee a light kick on his ass and watched him disappear down the chute as rifle fire began to pour down the hallway.

"And that's our cue!" Luke shot off a few more rounds down the hallway, before he jumped into the grate himself.

Han continued to fire off at the stormtroopers for a few moment's longer as he steeled his nerves, before finally muttering angrily under his breath. "Dammit, I really, really hate this!"

And with that, he dove down the chute himself, leaving the hallway quite for a moment, save for an occasional, probing burst of fire. Finally, a few moments later, the group of storm troopers converged en masse towards the holding cells. The forerunners had just cleared the hallway, when they stepped into the proximity of the stealthed mine. What followed was less than pretty, but it allowed Atton to quietly slip past the soldiers in the resulting confusion.

-o-o-o-

"Must you cause chaos wherever you go?" Ben sighed with a slight tremor of frustration in his voice as he lightly glared back at the masked man who gave off every indication of smirking proudly at the various acts of sabotage he'd left their wake.

"Well, look at it this way, they'll be so busy with everything we've done to get here, they won't pay as much attention to something as simple as a change in settings to their generator." Carth shot back before shimmering into his stealth field once more as they entered the thrumming chamber. "Hmm.. Let's get this set properly."

"Yes, yes." Ben agreed as he walked up to the controls after a moment's observation of the room around them before carefully making a few, minor changes that brought things to change from blue to red.

"Mmm… not bad, not bad… but…" Carth slipped in and carefully made a few redirections in the controls himself.

At the curious look on Ben's face caused the Mandalorian to snicker just a bit. "Just redirecting the power demands through some of the couplings I already damaged. Should cause for some… spectacular results if they try to grab us again."

"Right…" Ben reluctantly agreed before he gave the man a curious look. "You seem to have some very… powerful opinions on Jedi."

"I know what they liked to forget. I know what they chose to ignore." The man responded with a sudden steel in his voice. "And I know a lot of the mistakes they chose to sweep away instead of learning from them. Your Order isn't as clean as you think it is."

"The Jedi Order has been defending the Republic for centuries." The man known as Ben insisted fervently.

"Right… Defending." The sarcasm was thick on Carth's voice as he shook his head. "We can argue this later, we've got incoming."

And as the two moved towards the edge of the room and carefully began to head towards the door, a group of storm troopers and an officer marched into the room.

-o-o-o-

"Man, do you four stink." Atton noted as he shimmered into view in front of the changing group, an amused smirk curled over his lips. "Glad I didn't have to take that route."

"Well, if we can just avoid taking anymore female advice, maybe we can get out of here without needing to burn everything we touch." Han growled out as he lightly glared at the smug looking man.

"Heh." Luke grinned a moment back at Han and Atton before shaking his head. "Come on, we can have fun later, let's get moving."

"Fun? FUN?! You call diving into a disposal chute, getting attacked by whatever the hell that thing was, the almost being crushed alive, FUN!?" Han stated with an incredulous glare back at Luke.

"Well, other than the disposal chute part…" Atton spoke up cheerfully, his eyes twinkling.

"Not a word out of you." Han growled and shook his head before pointing his finger at Luke next. "And YOU! I am NEVER listening to you again!"

"Was it something I said?" Luke asked almost innocently

"Maybe there's hope for you yet, farm boy." Atton chuckled softly and shook his head in amusement before glancing around.

"All right, I don't know who you all are, or where you came from, but from now on, you do as I tell you. Okay?" Leia finally spoke up as she glared at the four males and growled softly.

"No, not okay." Atton answered back with a smirk.

"Sorry, not really." Luke agreed as picked up where Atton left off.

"Excuse me? Look, your worshipfulness, take that stick out of your ass and get one thing straight. I take orders from ONE person. ME!"

"Then it's a wonder you're still alive." Leia shot back before glaring at the Wookiee in front of her. "Will someone this mangy walking carpet out of my way?!"

"Princess… I'm going to be nice and let you in on a little bit of advice." Atton was still smirking as he slowly shook his head. "If you suddenly stop making it worthwhile for him to rescue you, he will probably just leave you to the Imperials while the rest of us get out of here. After all, it's HIS ship."

"Yeah!" Han spoke up in quick agreement and a firm nod of his head as his arms crossed about his chest. "So get off your high horse or go back to your little cell and looming execution."

"… Let's just get out of here already." Leia ground out with a huff as she shook her head and started marching down the hallway.

"Lovely girl that." Atton noted with a slight smirk and a shake of his head. "Kind of reminds me of Carth's wife."

"Really?" Luke asked curiously as he glanced towards the Princess they were trailing behind. "That's kind of surprising."

"I said kind of for a reason. Carth's wife is a helluva lot scarier." Atton shot back with a bemused grin and a twinkle in his eyes.

"Then remind me to be long gone before she shows up." Han stated simply as he shook his head. "The princess is bad enough.


	33. BtVS The Trouble with Keeping

Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer Belongs to Joss Whedon and various studios. Dungeon Keeper belongs to Bullfrog and EA.

Author's notes: Ride, Gambler Ride. An idea that I was going to add to Poker, but decided against. Inspired by talks with Psyckosama and some Addventure threads I took part in.

-o-o-o-

He could see it, the look in her eyes as he watched the two of them. It would break her to do what she was about to, what she had to. Because he could also see the humanity returned to the eyes of a monster. Lost, confused, longing. He saw it all and he knew then what he had to do.

Giles was set down without even a second's thought as he began to move. So focused was she on the moment, that she never saw him, never sensed him as he picked up the fallen blade. So focused, lost in her own little world as she told the one would had been a monster, and could be again, to close his eyes, that she never even noticed the heavy pommel falling to the back of her head, until there was a sharp, crack of pain and all she knew was darkness.

"Xa….nder…?" There was a note of confusion in the creature's eyes as he stared back at the boy in front of them, an instinctive flood of emotions coursing through his addled mind. "Wha…?"

"Angel." The word left his lips as almost a curse before he twisted the figure about, roughly pushing the newly reensouled vampire away from Acathla. "This is going to hurt."

"Huh?" The confusion lasted only a moment before a wet gasp of pain left his lips as he could feel the sharp explosion of pain as the boy shoved the sword through his chest. "W-… why…?"

"Because, I'm not going to let you break her." There was a twisting look of anger momentarily flashing across Xander's face as he ripped the sword back out before it faded into a resigned smirk as he turned and then shoved the blade roughly into the statue as he could feel the Hellish energies suddenly pulling him forward. "Make your choice, Angel. Are you a man or not?"

And the vampire could only stare as the boy never looked back, staring forward as the pulsing waves of energies that had been so recently been spilling out around them, curled back, enfolding him in their embrace before in a flash, he was gone. Wound already healing, the creature known as Angel could only stared, in confusion, as finally memories began to settle into his mind. Suddenly, a soft, moaning groan drew his attention, and he silently stared at the stirring form of the blonde Slayer.

"Wha…? Owwww… What hit me?" Buffy groaned softly as she pushed herself up, before staring blankly at Angel for a moment. "… Angel…? What…? But…"

"Xander." Angel breathed quietly as he slowly rubbed against his chest. "He… hit you. Then stabbed me… Then stabbed that and vanished."

"Wait, Xander?" Buffy frowned, foggy memories pulsing through her mind as she struggled to clear her thoughts. "He… he was supposed to save Giles."

A soft groan drew their attention to the wall nearby, where the man in question was leaned back into place, his broken bloodied body crumpled back, but still alive. As his eyes fell on the man, Angel felt himself go even paler as he was assaulted by the memories. Memories of what he'd done to the man in his quest to understand how to unlock the stone form of Acathla.

As Giles slowly took a soft, shuddering breath, he saw the pair of vampire and Slayer staring back at him, before his delirious mind pieced together one missing factor. His eyes turned, he stared at the bloody sword jutting out of the demon statue, before the words left his lips softly. "Oh, Xander… what have you done?"

-o-o-o-

There was a sudden, welling desperation clutching at his chest as Xander felt himself tugged into the welling funnel of energies. That momentary peace he'd felt, the calm certainty, it all fell away as he quickly came to a desperate realization. He was tugged into a vortex. A vortex leading to hell that was in a demon's mouth.

Ignoring the nervous quips his mind desperately whispered to try and distract him from that truth, he began to struggle, fighting, desperately back against their pull. A part of him, the resigned, rational portion of his brain noted it was hopeless, an impossible task he'd set for himself. But still he fought, he'd never much liked that part of his way anyway.

Whether by fluke, or by chance, his struggles were noted, if only for an instant. A moment's notice and a probing curiosity by a careless presence far removed from anything the boy could comprehend and the fragile path he was riding, shattered. And as it shattered, he was cast about, flung from his straying path into the veils of ether.

Drifting, as again the fear came, gripping at his heart as he could feel the way it poured into him as he travelled aimlessly between dimensions. He didn't know what to do, where to go, he was surrounded by thousands upon thousands and thousands of little lights, destinations, but their possibilities overwhelmed him. Then, as the ether poured down into his body, he bit out a sudden scream of pain as he could feel the energies eating at him, like a great blister of pressure building up inside of him, threatening to explode from within.

Blind with fear and pain, he reached out, pushing himself towards the nearest destination, towards the nearest point of light. He didn't know how he did it, he wasn't even sure how he was moving through the gap between realities. But, instinct answered his desperate need, and suddenly he felt himself shoved back into reality. Or, at least a reality.

But the pain never lessoned. It kept welling up inside of him, as he could feel the way his skin was beginning to blister up into dark, pulsing boils. He felt thick, sticky tears running down his cheeks, and with a whimper he realized his throat wouldn't even let him scream.

"Interesting, now what do we have here?" Desperately, Xander looked around, searching for the source of the voice, trying to pinpoint the possible aid. "In quite the predicament, aren't you, little traveler. This is why should never stray carelessly into the ether."

The words held a casual, slightly sadistic amusement as he felt more than saw the presence hovering around him, almost taunting him in a cultured male tone. "Of course, you can't really respond to me, can you? The ether is twisting your body… Mortal flesh is hardly meant to contain it… And well... it should be an entertaining show to watch your demise."

The fear flashed again in his eyes, as he desperately managed to shake his head in fearful denial, ignoring the cracking spikes of pain it earned him .

"Oh, not ready to end are you?" The creature, whatever it was, seemed to ponder the words for a moment, before finally he could hear the decision in its voice. "Perhaps… there is a way. But, that all depends… on how much you're willing to give up to survive, I wonder hmmm?"

There was a hesitation now in Xander's eyes as he stared fearfully around him, before another spasm of pain washed through his flesh, forcing him to curl into himself even as his body screamed in protest against the smallest of actions.

"Not much longer now." The voice seemed more amused with each passing moment as Xander could feel it, twisting around above him. "I wonder… could you even make it hmm?" It seemed half way between speculative and mocking as it studied him. "Well, little dying mortal… A line if you will… In that pit… you might just find the chance you need to live, or possibly just the death to free you from your torment."

Dark eyes, wet with blood flashed open, and somehow how found the vague shape the voice had indicated. Within him, he pulled on the simple, primal need that yearned from the depths of his soul. The need to live, to keep on, the refusal to listen to that little voice in the back of his head that said he couldn't handle it. That he was too weak to survive, that he should just give up entirely and curl up and die.

Pulling on that need, he forced himself, uncurling from that position, and dragged his unwilling body forward. Inch by inch, pulling by twitching, twisting fingers that pulled back into a clutching grip that dug into what he slowly realized were cold, hard stone. An observation that was again filed away and for the moment forgotten amidst the growing sea of pain as he pulled himself slowly further towards the hole.

It seemed like an eternity, the way he could only inch forward as he felt the blisters weltering up underneath his skin. He bit back a scream as one burst, oozing out a glowing, pulsing neon colored fluid. Then there was another, then another. The rough surface of the stone ripping away the ever thinning layer of skin between them and the air as he moved slightly faster, desperation building up inside of him. Then, finally he pulled himself over the edge, and fell down into the pit.

Vaguely he recognized the wet splat he made as he impacted on… something. Something that he could feel felt vaguely like flesh. Cold, dead flesh.

For a moment he lay there, too tired, his mind blanking out the knowledge of pain, as he managed to marshal his thoughts enough to marvel at the fact that he'd made it as far as he had. Then, the pain returned, as another blister erupted. Exploding out this time as the fluid poured down onto the thing supporting him. Another, and another erupted across his body, the splattering into the flesh he lay atop, soaking into it as he finally managed to find his voice and let loose a scream.

Everywhere that neon fluid struck, the flesh drank, greedily absorbing it as color began to slowly return to the long dead flesh. As he felt himself almost completely lost in the pain, Xander felt the flesh suddenly lurching upwards. The sudden motion, like the beat of a heart, marked the final, painful explosion he could handle, and with a groan, he closed his eyes and let oblivion take him.

"Hmm… Sleep well, little Keeper." The voice chuckled, a cold, calculating thing as he hovered over the boy's body. "Because when you wake… we will have work to do."

-o-o-o-

With a soft groan, Xander slowly awoke a warm, gentle, rhythmic pulsing. Everything seemed odd, disjointed as his mind struggled to handle an excess of information flooding through his senses. Groaning softly, he opened his eyes, only to immediately clench them shut as a wave of vertigo passed through him.

"Careful, Keeper. Things tend to be… delicate the first time one such as you awakes. Wouldn't want to go and mess yourself." The voice from before noted with a pulsing sound of amusement . "Your mind is still struggling to compensate for the new flow of sensory information. Your trip through the ether has helped accelerate things, but still you were only mortal after all."

"Ya know, could you stop with the riddles and make with the splainy?" Groaning softly Xander reached up and carefully began to rub at his suddenly throbbing temples. "Like… Why what hell dimension am I in and stuff like that?"

"Ah, a bit more learned than the average mortal, but still so limited." The note of amusement only grew further as the voice chuckled almost sardonically. "But to answer your question… None. If a hell dimension was your intended destination, I'm afraid I must disappoint you. Though, that would explain the ether exposure you were suffering from when you arrived."

Xander immediately winced at the word suffering, as unbidden a sudden swell of phantom sensations rippled through his mind. Groaning again he shook his head, ignoring the pulsing throb of pain the action earned him before he spoke once more. "How about you say that again, only actually making sense this time?"

"Mortals." The sigh was audible in the voice as Xander could practically imagine the patronizing look its owner was likely giving him. "I suppose you want me to explain it again, using simple words, with so very few syllables?"

"Would probably help," Xander agreed with a wincing nod of his head. "Because, not the brightest Scooby in the group here."

"Hmph. At least he's aware of some of his limitations," the voice muttered softly before speaking up as it continued. "Very well. Where ever you were headed, you never made it. The path you were on was disrupted for some reason or another and you were cast into the ether, that which fills the void between dimensions."

"Ah, right, painful stuff with all the lights?" Xander asked with a nod of his head.

"Quite." The voice answered before continuing. "As you were ill equipped to face the perils… That's another word for dangers…"

"Noted and known." Xander quipped back with a light flicker of annoyance in his tone. "Not THAT dumb."

"Of course." The voice answered in a smooth, condescending drawl. "Now as I was saying, with you ill prepared for those perils, you were infused with a rather fatal dose of ether contamination. As you might remember, you were on your way to a rather spectacularly painful end. If you hadn't managed to drag yourself to the Heart… well… Ether poisoning is known as one of the worst deaths known for a reason."

"The Heart…?" Xander paused a moment, as he felt the warm, pulsing rhythm beneath him. "I'm going to guess… the thing I'm lying atop now?"

"Yes, a Dungeon Heart. One that was rather… incapacitated before your arrival." The voice gained a tinge of bitter anger in it as it said the last, before slowly forcing down the emotions in it and continuing. "But, fortunately for us both, you were in the unique position to revive it. Though, your survival was amusingly unexpected."

"So, you had me make with the crawling like a worm to amuse you?" Xander frown slightly as his lips twitched down, as he slowly allowed himself to open one eye and fought back against the sudden wave of vertigo that seemed to wash over him.

"No, that was merely an enjoyable extra." The voice assured him, even if he couldn't immediately locate its source. "I simply expected the Heart to devour the energies you were bleeding off, along with the rest of your life force in the process of its revival. The odds of your survival… were rather abysmal. Still, I figured you would prefer a relatively clean death, as opposed to being turned into a festering pile of blistered flesh, oozing out ether induced unpleasantness as you slowly die over the course of several years."

"… That does not sound of the good," Xander stated simply before slowly taking a deep breath and beginning to examine his own body. "So… how come other than a serious lack of wearable clothing, I look like my normal self, without the oversized, exploding magical pimples?"

"How… eloquent." Xander smirked slightly as he could practically imagine the frown of distaste that rippled across the speaker's voice. "You bonded with the Heart. It in turn bled off the rather impressive excess of energies inside of you and healed you. I honestly expected for you to end up like most who bond to a Heart, nothing more than a spirit bound to it."

"That's of the good then, isn't it?" Xander asked almost worriedly as he slowly opened his other eye and began to look around. "And where are you, anyway?"

"No, actually it is NOT of the good as you put it." There was annoyance now in the voice as agitation fed through it. "It means you're in a handicapped position during the most crucial period in establishing yourself as a proper Keeper."

"Wait, wha-huh? Keeper? Establishing myself? Handicapped?" Xander stared blankly ahead before shaking his head. "Of sense, you are not making."

"Dungeon Keeper. That is what those bound to a Dungeon Heart are called. And if you are not able to turn this place into a proper Dungeon, your fellow Keepers will be most eager to turn on you and destroy you." The annoyance in the voice grew for a moment before falling into a sigh of annoyance. "And most Keepers begin without a mortal body to restrict their conscious. In fact, it is generally only the older, more powerful Keepers that are able to create a body for themselves to inhabit to interact with the world."

"So… translation?" Xander asked curiously.

"It's like…" the voice paused, struggling for an analogy, "You have two sets of eyes, each looking in a different place and you're unable to process that currently."

"Errr…" There was another wave of vertigo as Xander tried to stand up, only to be bombarded with a strange… perception. He wasn't sure how else to put it, he simply perceived the room, not with his eyes, and their limited range, it wasn't simple light, reflecting off the surfaces. No, he could perceive it all, everything all at once, and even into the stone and earth beyond it. "Wow. That's weird."

"Quite." The voice agreed before continuing. "And it will only get worse. The further you travel, the most jointed it will become, especially if you travel beyond your territory in your body."

"Gonna take some getting used to." Xander admitted with a nod as he slowly began to examine things around himself. "So, again… where the hell are you?"

"Oh, around." The answer was rather purposely vague as it echoed around the room and Xander frowned slightly, concentrating even as he couldn't seem to find anyone in the room other than himself.

"Right… around. Uh huh."


	34. Naruto: Through Hell

Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Kishimoto

Author's Notes: here we go again

-o-o-o-

No one was sure what had happened. All of a sudden, a thick, hellish miasma had poured out from the heart of the infamous Forest of Death. It had reached just past the fence guarding the training ground, clawing at anyone who tried to come close, before just as suddenly it had withdrawn. In its wake, nothing human remained, not a single member of the 26 genin teams, none of the chunin proctors, none of the ANBU who had infiltrated the forest just prior to the energy being released, hunting, along with Anko Mitarashi for the traitor who had infiltrated the exam.

Almost immediately numerous members of the bolder factions had tried to lay the blame for at the feet of one of those missing genin. The hidden kyuubi jinchiruuki, Naruto Uzumaki. Their opinions had been rather savagely cut down by a more than slightly irate Jiraiya of the Sannin.

It wouldn't be until weeks later that the true source of the disturbance was uncovered by the unlikely group of Jiraiya, the Hokage and a livid Kazekage. The forest, hadn't been a forest at all. It had been a massive sealing array set in place by Hashirama Senju. A sealing array that had been slowly bleeding away a gate to hell, to the point where in just a few more generations, the rift would have been mended completely. Unfortunately, somehow someone had tripped its failsafe, pulling every soul in the forest through itself, before it was sealed up tightly once more.

When they had returned the three had been stone faced and impassive. They had informed the ANBU commanders of their respective villages, as well as the delegates of the various villages who had lost teams to the 'event' as they had come to call it. Then, they had adjourned to a private room in the secrecy of the Hokage's tower. Once there, several jugs of sake had been summoned forth, and their facades broke.

It had been the Kazekage, known for his ruthless, almost selfish drive for power who was the first to openly weep as the full weight of what he had lost hit him. His children, his legacy, the last bit of his family he still had were gone, and he didn't even have the simple solace of the knowledge they found some measure of peace. All the sacrifices he'd made, his wife, his brother-in-law, his youngest son, the distance he'd kept between his elder children, they all seemed so utterly pointless now.

As the Kazekage lost himself in the depths of what he'd lost, the Hokage was losing himself in the simple knowledge that he'd failed. He had been entrusted with the legacies of the two of the brightest flames Konoha had ever produced. It had been his job, his duty, his responsibly to watch over them, protect them, and he had failed. Horribly, in the worst possible way.

Distantly, he wondered how he could possibly explain things to Itachi that his little brother had been condemned to Hell. How he could tell Iruka that the boy he'd some to see like a little brother had suffered the same fate. How he could tell his own grandson that the boy who had inspired him so very much... He took a slow, weary sigh before he drained a saucer of sake.

Jiraiya... Drank. There was nothing else he could do. A part of him had always, always hoped that he'd get the chance to take his godson under his wing, that he'd be able to teach him as he had taught his father. That he could watch him surpass him just like his father had. A part of him, that was dying now.

Another part of him joined it. The part of him that had never quite given up hope for his best friend. The part that had never quite given up on the hope that one day, Orochimaru would wake up and come back to Konoha. That one day, the sannin could, would be whole again as they had been in their youth.

Now, all those hopes, those impossible dreams had crumbled into a bitter pile of ash. There would be no training of his godson, his student's legacy. There would be no reunion of the sannin, no redemption of his brother. There was only the knowledge that they'd both been condemned to Hell. One guilty, one innocent. Both lost to him, forever more.

It was days later that they finally held a ceremony for the departed shinobi. A bitter irony to them all that should things have been just a little different, it would have been on this day that the best of them would have been battling out against one another in the finals. That had things been different, it would have been on that day that the Will of Fire would have been put through a brutal test against the invasion of Sand and Sound.

Instead, before a solemn crowd, the Hokage stood, looking every bit the tired old man he was, before a single obelisk inscribed with over 100 names. Each of those who had been taken. Included among them, at the very bottom, almost hidden from sight was a name inscribed only for the Hokage and the sannin.

"Thank you all for coming." The voice was almost soft as it left the Hokage's lips as he looked out at the assembled ninjas and dignitaries seated in front of him. "What happened here... Words cannot fully express how much of a tragedy what happened was. As shinobi, we're prepared to lose our lives, our comrades lives. In our missions, in our wars... But to lose so many seeds of the future... In such away..."

For a moment, the words stuck in his throat and he couldn't bring himself to continue. And for that moment, a thick silence hung in the air, before he forced his head to lift up and look out across the small sea of faces, with a sudden fire in his eyes. "And then I hear about how one of them was sent where he belonged. Only, this one, wasn't my student, wasn't the traitor who betrayed us all and fled. This one they spoke of, was a mere BOY! A boy who's only dream was to become this village's protector."

As several shifted uneasily in their seats as the God of Shinobi spoke with the steel in his voice fully unsheathed. "A boy who lived a life in solitude and suffering to protect every man woman and child in this village. And despite all that cold hatred, those walls they forced around him... He continued to fight to be acknowledged. He continued to fight for his dream."

There was a sudden, cold, bitter chuckle escaping the man's lips as he locked his eyes onto the suddenly oh so uncomfortable looking villagers, and for an oh so brief he saw a flash of smug satisfaction on Danzo's face. "That boy... most of you know as Naruto Uzumaki, son of Kushina Uzumaki. The boy who should have been known as Naruto Namikaze, son of Minato Namikaze, Konoha's Yellow Flash and Fourth Hokage."

As the ripple of shock shot through the assembly, Hiruzen Sarutobi suddenly found a strength he'd almost forgotten he had. "I watched as again and again you belittled him, you shunned him, you ostracized him. As you saw him as nothing but the demon he kept you safe from.

"I watched and I despaired as your greatest hero's Legacy had to resort to screaming like a fool, and childish pranks to even be acknowledged. I watched as the boy meant to be a hero was treated like trash." He took a slow, deep breath before his gaze swept out across the suddenly nervous crowd. "I endured that... I allowed it... though it broke my heart. But I when I heard the villagers I love so celebrating that boy... that HERO being damned to hell?!"

The restlessness had broken into a sea of soft murmurs as a sudden look of shock fell across so many faces. Through it, a pale but grim faced Hiashi nodded his head grimly as he gently held his hand on the shoulder of his remaining daughter. All around him knowing looks rippled across various faces in the crowd.

For the briefest of moments Kakashi Hakate was able to smile, if slightly as he stood surrounded by the senseis of the other lost teams. Still, his single visible eye locked onto the new memorial, as a dark weight clutched at his chest. He'd lost another team. And once more, he was all alone.

It was then, as they quickly found themselves lost in the sea of confusion from that revelation, that suddenly they again felt the sudden outpouring of hellish energies saturating the very air itself.

In a flash, without even a moment's thought Kakashi had vanished, making a beeline towards the source of the feeling. He didn't have to pause even a moment to narrow it down. There was only one place it could be.

Others were only a moment behind him, reacting only slowly enough to give him enough time to pull so far ahead, even the Hokage himself was racing to catch up. As one, those who truly knew that Copy-cat, pushed themselves as they hard as they could. As one, they raced after him because they knew that what the man raced towards, it wasn't to defend, or to avenge.

No, Kakashi Hatake had left them all behind for one simple reason they knew. He raced forward, with the simple hope of finding death's embrace waiting for him.

-o-o-o-

The air rippled and twisted for a moment, before suddenly the very fabric of reality seemed to stretch, then tear apart into a gaping maw of darkness. For a moment, there was nothing but stillness to the air, before a single figure stepped through the darkness and slowly glanced about. As the portal spewed out the twisting, hellish energies, the figure glanced around, before a slow growing smirk curled over those lips and its head was thrown back over its shoulder and a sudden, feminine laugh escaped its lips.

"Home at Last! Get on out here, ya bastards!" Her lips broken into a toothy grin, Anko Mitarashi stepped forward as the black hide trench coat fluttered about her legs.

For a moment, there was nothing, before then, cautiously two more figures exited the rift, and carefully glanced around as well.

"Oi! I said we're home! Why the hell is everyone waiting?" Anko growled softly as she gave a slight glare at the pair.

"Excuse us for not taking your word on it." The young woman snapped back as gripped tightly on a pair of bone hilted swords. "Remember what happened the LAST time you said that?"

"Oh, come on! You think I didn't figure out how to make sure this time, Tenten?" The woman sounded almost offended as she glared back at the other woman before shifting her eyes over to her partner. "Oi, Neji! Am I right or not?"

"… This once, she's right." The young Hyuga's formerly pure white eyes were black pits of shadow as the veins around his cheeks bulged for a moment, before fading as the darkness faded into a muted, charcoal grey. "It looks like we're home, and we've got incoming."

"Joy." Tenten shook her head before calling out over her shoulder. "Get the lead out! This is home, but we've got incoming! No idea if they're hostile or not."

Immediately three figures stepped forward, one a hulking man rippling with muscle, a tetsubo slung haphazardly over his shoulder and dressed in a well maintained, but battle worn armor. Next to him, a second man, lean and slender moved with an almost lazy efficiency, as he kept his eyes in constant motion with a slim senbon sticking out of his lips as his hands were buried in dark grey pants. At his side, a woman, her long blonde hair falling clean and neat down her shoulders as she walked with a knee length dress, slit well up her hips and colored in a deep purple.

"Ino, 3 o'clock." Neji called out without even glancing at the woman as he settled back into a loose tension. "Got a reading?"

"Fear. Anger. Hope…" The blonde woman frowned a moment, her brows furrowing for a moment before grimacing at a familiar revelation. "Hope for release, for death. Too many emotions clouding em for me to get a more precise reading."

"All right people, you know the drill!" Anko grinned again as she settled back a bit and glanced around back towards the portal. "And hurry the hell up back there!"

It was then that a pink haired woman walked out, dressed in a loose approximation of a crimson kimono, accompanied by a lavender clad woman riding a massive cream colored dog. As pale eyes glanced around, the rider took a moment to take a slow deep breath, before glancing down at her mount. "Well Akamaru?"

"They're right." The voice was soft, gruff as it left the animal's maw. "We're home."

"Do you hear that, Sakura-chan?" There was an almost visible relief as the woman relaxed into the dog a soft smile curling over her lips.

"Yeah, but it doesn't look like we're quite out of the woods yet, Hinata-chan." Sakura responded as she noted the tension rippling through the battle ready foreguard. "Let's get out of the way so everyone else can get through and close this off."

"Right." Akamaru grunted again as he padded forward, taking up a position behind Neji as his body grew tensed and ready.

It was then that five more figures stepped forward through the rift, lead by a silver haired man who carefully glanced around, before adjusting the steel rimmed glasses on his face. "So… 'home' again… Interesting."

"Quit trying to be cool and get the fuck on the way already, Kabuto!" A red headed woman, dressed in a mix of miko garb and battle armor swatted at the man, who casually leaned forward just out of reach.

"Touchy, touchy, eh Tayuya-chan?" Kabuto smirked back at the woman as he lightly pushed the glasses up his nose. "Whatever would Naruto-kun say?"

"Kabuto, Tayuya, give it a rest. We're finally home, you two can bicker later." An athletic blonde woman glared a moment at the pair as she meaningfully gripped the fan slung over her back, before she turned towards the shorter, red haired man at her side. "How're you holding up, little brother?"

"Tired." The man answered her with weariness as he lightly glanced around them with dull jade eyes. "I really don't want to do that again anytime soon."

"Relax, Gaara." Another, dark haired woman put in as she lightly prodded at his arm. "We're back. No need to rip open the veils again anytime soon."

"… How many times now have I been told that, Kin?" Gaara asked almost rhetorically as he glanced at the woman before slowly turning his head back to the portal. "Let's get this finished already."

The soft impact of a shakujo rung through the air as another figure stepped through the portal, dressed in the garb of a priest with the wide straw hat pulled down low to mask his face, revealing only the pale skin of his lower face. For a moment, the figure paused, his tongue flicking out as if to taste the air itself, before smiling as he let loose a quite little chuckle and stepped forward once more. With each step, the rings on his staff rung out, the heavy, steel capped but almost gingerly pressing into the earth.

"I know I've had years to get used to it, but still if that doesn't make me wanna stare and drop my jaw every time I see it." Anko groused before glancing back into the forest. "Hurry up your scaly ass, we got incoming."

"Really, Anko-chan, no need to be rude about it." The man chuckled softly as he quietly walked through the group to stand next to her. "Besides, what would our dear, dear, Yomikage-kun say?"

"He'd say stop being a creepy fuck and get into position already." A new voice barked out as a final figure exited the rift and looked around with brilliant blue eyes. "All right, you know the drill. Anko, 'Rochi, Tayuya. Get into position and let's lock this thing back up."

"Whatever you say, oh fuckin' revered Yomikage." Tayuya shot out with a smirk as she settled into position to the west of the portal, even as Anko took her position to the east and the apparent monk took the south. "Let's just get this thing done before company arrives."

From his position north of the rift, the final figure nodded his head, letting his blonde hair sway slightly in motion before he glanced around. "Ready?" At their nods of affirmation, he continued. "On my mark. Three, two, one, MARK!"

In unison, they all flashed through a series of hand seals, each moving in perfect unison with one another, before suddenly roots exploded up out of the ground and wrapped up around the black rift. For a moment, there was silence as the four continued their signs, then, suddenly the energy permeating the air cut off, as the roots wrapped together. Merging, they grew into a trunk, then branches, before finally leaves burst into place as the last of the hellish energies were consumed but the new, massive tree.

"Heh. Well, that was fun." Shaking his head the man called Yomikage slowly glanced around as he looked at his 14 compatriots. "So, home at least, huh?"

"Who are you, and what the hell just happened here?" The voice cut in, as a figure materialized in front of them, followed moments later by a pair of Kages, a sannin and a number of battle ready jounin.

"Neh, really, Kakashi-sensei, is that any way to say hi to an old student?" The blue eyes sparkled as the blonde man crossed his arms about his chest and just smirked back at the silver haired jounin.

"Wha… Naruto?!" Kakashi simply stared in absolute shock at the smirking man who stood with his arms crossed about his chest, a black jacket trimmed in crimson swaying softly about his frame. "Bu-how?!"

"Neh, complicated, convoluted rules and shit like that." Naruto waved his hand slightly. "Ask one of the girls to explain it to you if you really wanna know. Long story short? We went to hell, a lot of people died, now, here we are, years later and well…" He paused a moment, before squinting back at the group in confusion. "Huh, come to think of it… you don't really look that much older."

"Naruto…" The Hokage spoke up slowly and carefully as he looked over the 15 individuals and their dog before continuing. "You've been… gone, for only a month. We were just holding a memorial service for all of you."

"A… month?" Naruto froze for a moment, his eyes widening before he suddenly whirled around and pointed a finger accusingly towards the monk. "You knew this was going to happen!"

"I knew it was possible." The man answered hedgingly as he nervously twisted the staff in his hand. "It was all theoretical though. I mean, no one's ever BEEN to Hell and back as far as we know, how could I have known there'd be such a drastic time differential?"

"He's got a point, Naruto." Sakura spoke up as she slowly shook her head. "It was all theory until we actually got back… But still… All those years… Wow."

"Great, wonderful, terrific." Naruto threw his hands up and sighed a bit before he looked around him for a moment. "Just…"

"Do you have to be so troublesome, Naruto?" Shikamaru spoke up with a grunt as the lean man shook his head slowly and sighed. "So, to them we were gone a month, while the rest of us…. Yeah."

"Wouldn't that mean that there's a bigger chance Itachi is still around?" The massive, muscled Chouji spoke up helpfully before smirking just a bit as he watched Naruto's face light up.

"Right!" Naruto paused a moment, before glancing at the assembled and staring nins. "Does anyone know where I can find Itachi Uchiha?"

"Naruto…" The Hokage interrupted for a moment, before slowly and carefully changed the subject. "Where… is everyone else?"

Naruto froze in place, as everyone else in the group suddenly shifted, unable to quite meet the Hokage's eyes as every ounce of cheerfulness seemed to drain out of the man. "They… Didn't make it." As he watched the slow look of dawning realization cross the faces of those assembled, Naruto swallowed thickly and continued. "You have to understand… We were in Hell. Literally. Take every tale you've ever been told about how horrible it is and then multiply it by things that you don't want to even begin to imagine."

He took a slow, deep breath before shaking his head. "If it wasn't for Anko and 'Rochi to keep us alive at first, none of us would have made it back. What we faced…" His eyes faded for a moment, growing distant before he continued. "We had to watch comrades, friends… die in some of the most horrible ways imaginable."

"Look on the bright side." 'Rochi' spoke up with a semi bemused smile visible on his face. "You're now the most powerful genin the Elemental countries have ever seen."

"Wait… Rochi…?" Jiraiya spoke up, his eyes narrowed into slits as he fixed his gaze on the 'priest.' "As in…"

"Oh, heya, Jiraiya." Pushing up the straw had revealed the amused face of Orochimaru who shrugged slightly in turn. "Been a while!"

"… Anko, why the fuck didn't you just gag the idiot again?" Naruto groaned softly and hung his head as he watched the immediate ripple of battle ready tension flash across the crowd, before he sent the snake sannin. "I am so going to get you for this, you snake bastard."

"Promises, promises Naruto-kun." Orochimaru answered back before humming to himself as he sat down on a rock and leaned his staff against his shoulder. "But, I think they're expecting an explanation."

"Fine." Growling out, Naruto turned his head and glared at the assembled ninja. "Look, I know he's been an evil fucking bastard. I know he's done some downright unfucking forgivable things. To be perfectly fucking honest, I'd love to hand him over to all of you to try and execute him or lock him up in a dim, dark little cell for the rest of his unnatural life."

"I'm hurt, Naruto-kun, I really am." The sannin was practically pouting, even as he ducked back out of the way of black kunai flashing just past his face. "You too, Anko-chan?"

"We're home again, you do remember that, don't you 'Rochi-kun?" The sweet way the woman drawled out his name made the man wince slightly. "The truce is off."

"Anko, stand DOWN." Naruto snapped out with a growl as he sent the woman a look, and to the immediate shock of those who had known the woman prior to their trip watched as she immediately slipped into a far less aggressive stance as she pouted back at the blonde.

"I wasn't going to hurt him…" The petulant look she gave him made the blonde roll his eyes visibly.

"I know that, you know that, hell HE knows that." Naruto agreed with a nod of his head, before jerking his thumb over at the crowd. "But our audience doesn't know that."

"I'll have you know I was afraid for my life, Naruto-kun." Orochimaru spoke up as he just grinned back at the younger man. "Honest! She could have…"

"Gaara, how soon before you can rip open a hole to the pits?" Naruto spoke up as his eyes never once left Orochimaru's.

"Depends on whether or not you mind me being out of commission for a day or so." The red head responded as he lightly leaned against his sister. "If you don't… I can shove him down there right now if you'd like."

"I'll be good!" His hands held up in surrender, Orochimaru shook his head. "I was just having a little bit of fun, that's all!"

"Right." Naruto drawled out before shaking his head and glancing back at the crowd. "So, I suppose I should make some proper introductions…. I'm Naruto Uzumaki and we've just spent a few decades dragging our asses out of hell and number of other little wrong stops along the way as we tried to get home. We've lost a lot of friends and comrades like I said. As you might've known, there used to be around 100 of us. Note there are only 15 now."

He paused a moment, taking a slow, deep breath as he steadied himself, his eyes falling shut before a quiet voice spoke up to correct him. "Namikaze."

Immediately, his eyes snapped open, and he turned his head to lock onto the speaker, a white haired man he'd never seen before in his life. "What?"

"Your name. It's not Naruto Uzumaki. It's Naruto Namikaze." The man paused a moment, before shrugging just a bit. "Cat's already out of the bag thanks to sensei, so I figured you might as well know."

Orochimaru sat there a moment, staring from Naruto to the white haired man, before leaning back and letting loose a wild, full blown laugh. "Oh… AHAHAHAHAHAHAA! Oh, man… I should've known. Talk about priceless, oh the irony!"

"Irony?" Naruto just arched a brow at the seemingly hysterical sannin before sighing just a bit and pinching lightly at his nose. "I know I'm going to regret asking… I really am, but…"

"I trained the brat of the man who was chosen for Hokage over me. I trained the son of Jiraiya there's best student… Heh." Orochimaru paused a moment, before grinning at Anko. "And, of course there's the fact that…"

"Don't even say it."

"Great, lovely, delightful." Naruto grumbled just a bit and shook his head as he saw the incredulous looks on their audience's faces. "Yes, I've had training from Orochimaru. We ALL have. We were in hell, we did what we had to in order to survive."

"Don't mind Naruto-sama." Hinata spoke up as she lightly rested atop Akamaru. "He hasn't had a good fight or a good… well you know." She blushed slightly as everyone's attention drifted back to her. "Since Dosu-kun died… He's cranky."

"Hinata, we're back in Konoha. Can we please, please cut the Yomikage bullshit already?" Naruto pinched the bridge of his nose even more. "Ya know what? Fuck it. I don't wanna do this in front of an audience." He took a moment, studying everyone before shaking his head once more. "Anko, Rochi, Kabuto, Kin, Tayuya, Temari, and Gaara, you're with me. Old man, we'll be waiting in your office, keep who you're bringing reasonable."

And then, suddenly, Naruto just seemed to distintegrate into floating ash before their eyes, as the various named shinobi followed his example moments later. Shrugging his shoulders Orochimaru offered Jiraiya and a suddenly staring Hokage a smile. "Well, he's the boss." And in a flicker of leaves, vanished himself.

"… Did Naruto just leave us to deal with everyone on our own?" Chouji spoke up as he uneasily shifted his weight from one foot to the next.

"No, he's not that troublesome." Shikamaru shook his head as he nodded towards where the Hokage was quietly speaking with a few other figures. "He took the brunt of everyone's attention and is leaving us to talk to our families and teachers."

"Hum…" Ino blinked slightly for a moment before shaking her head vigorously. "Ugh, dammit. Everyone remember what Orochimaru told us about S-class mission debriefs?"

"We don't say anything that hasn't been cleared by the Kage." Tenten offered up as she carefully sheathed her blades. "So, how much has he cleared."

"Neji and Tenten are cleared to talk about Lee." Ino spoke up as she furrowed her brow in deep concentration. "Hinata and Akamaru are cleared to say what happened to Kiba and Shino… No spilling the beans on combat tech until he's had a chance to clear things with the Hokage, and if Sakura and I don't keep our… HEY!"

As they saw the brilliant bright blush flashing across Ino's face, Sakura blinked a moment and arched a brow at her friend curiously. "Do I want to know?"

An instant later, Sakura's eyes grew distant, dilating as a pink flush moved across her cheeks. "Oh…. Is that supposed to discourage us?"

"That's the carrot. The stick is knowing that we COULD have had that and we blew it." Ino grumbled slightly and shook her head with a sigh. "Ugh. Dammit, too many people thinking at me." She paused a moment before shaking her head slightly. "Huh, did you know Naruto's the son of the Fourth?"

"… Well, that figures." Shikamaru shrugged in response before glancing around a bit. "Meh. Ya know… How pissed do you think Asuma'll be if I hit on Kurenai in front of him?"

"Shika-kun. She's about to learn what happened to Kiba and Shino. Have some decorum and at least wait." Hinata shook her head and sighed slightly at the man with a look of long suffering annoyance.

"Nice thing about demonesses, they never care about all the troublesome stuff." Shikamaru muttered slightly before shaking his head a bit. "Ah well."


	35. Naruto: Blondage

Blondage

Disclaimer: Naruto is the property of Kishimoto.

Author's notes: The sky is falling! Mwahahahahaha! Now I can pick it up and throw it at you!

-o-o-o-

With a low hiss of displeasure, a dark emerald eye cracked open as the stabbing pulse of sunlight slammed into it and force it shut once more. Eyes tightly ground together, she curled tighter back into the comfortable, warm sheets and the… warm body next to her? Confusion struck then, as Temari frowned and carefully reviewed what her senses were telling her.

Warm, soft, and most definitely naked skin she was currently curling into. Well, entangled with would be a better way of describing it when she realized that with a few tentative pulls and the other person's instinctive tightening of their grip on her limbs. Frowning slightly, she very, very carefully opened a single eye and dared to glance down.

What she saw, made her groan half in resignation, half in disbelief. Pale streams of blonde hair were wild and matted from sleep as they pressed back into her face. Sighing slightly she took a slow, deep breath, before forcing her second eye to crack open as she studied the younger girl in bed with her. The lazy bum's teammate.

Slowly memories filtered into her head then, as she took a moment to close her eyes and breathed in the rather nice and slightly floral scent of the girl's hair. They'd gotten together, to celebrate the survival of everyone who'd been involved in the retrieval. Well, more accurately, they'd gotten together to celebrate Chouji, Neji, Kiba and Naruto's releases from the hospital, as well as a kind of mourning for their lost comrade.

Then Jiraiya had shown up, with a lot of food, a lot of sake, and a strangely solemn look on his face. One toast, had lead to another and another. Jiraiya had left them to their fun, and most likely their own consequences well before anyone had gotten more than barely tipsy, taking the boy Lee with him at his teammate's, and strangely enough, Gaara's insistence.

Things had devolved into a blur after that, though she did blush just a bit as she remembered flashes of dancing and sunny hair. She remembered seeing the first time she could ever recall Gaara smiling, a true, free, and easy smile with the boy who had defeated him such a short time ago. And she'd remembered the way the lazy bastard had taken one look at the look she'd given him, and practically run away.

The anger and pain that she'd felt from that rejection had hit a moment later. So, she'd drunk, and drunk more, and poured out her frustrations to the girl she was in bed with now. Then, they'd danced, and made the boys drool. A part of her smirked just a bit at the memory, the feeling and the reassurance, that despite everything, she still had what it took to get a guy's attention.

Then the memory followed its natural progression, and she frowned. She managed to worm one arm free, then carefully ran her arm behind her. There was an indention there, a lingering warmth that had almost gone completely cool. Gone.

A part of her was outraged, furious, hurt and insulted. A part of her even felt used and betrayed. But still, she focused her mind and slowly, made herself consider the facts despite the blinding pain of the headache throbbing between her temples, and the way her body just ached. Anger, frustration, aggression in a way that was completely foreign to the third member of their little tryst. All of it had come loose last night, and there was a chance, a rather large one in fact, that guilt had driven them off.

It was the kind of thing they'd do after all.

Sighing softly she leaned down and lightly nudged the girl next to her. "Wake up."

"Mmm... dun wanna, warm." The mumbled response came back as the girl snuggled back up against her in an almost kittenish manner.

"Yes, yes. I know all about how comfortable it is, but it's time to get up."

"mmm... ow.... hurts." The girl's whine made Temari wince slightly as the sound assaulted her ears.

"Not so loud..." Temari hissed back as she winced at the sound pulsing out of her bed companion's mouth.

"Owwww.... Yeah... too loud." The other blonde agreed after a moment, before blinking slightly as her deep blue eyes slowly fluttered into focus and she blinked slightly at their position. "Um... Temari...?"

"Yes, blonde teammate of the lazy jackass who ran from me, whose name I can't remember at the moment?" Temari drawled back with a slight smirk, even as she winced slightly.

"... Ino." The girl in question glared slightly back at the girl before wincing as her head throbbed slightly and she furrowed her brow in concentration. "And... he did do that didn't he...?"

"Yes." Temari agreed with a slight growl, before a slight smirk curled on her lips. "Hence the large amount of sake, the dancing and...."

"Dancing..." Ino paused a bit before blinking slightly as the memories hit her. "Huh, the guys really drooled didn't they?"

"Well, most of them." Temari's lips quirked just a bit as she remembered the look of horror on one of her brother's faces and the look of detached neutrality on the other, before her eyes flashed as she recalled the final person to join their dance.

"Huh?" Ino blinked slightly as her brow furrowed just a bit in concentration before her eyes widened in remembrance. "Oh… oh shit!"

"I think that's why it's just the two of us now." Temari agreed before rolling just slightly onto her back, and pulling the slim, smaller girl onto her chest. "See?"

"Oooow… No more sudden movements." Ino whimpered softly and glancing towards the rest of the bed. "Dammit, first Sasuke-kun now…"

"Well, thinking logically, I can't exactly…" Temari paused wincing as her own head throbbed. "Ow… Fuck. One helluva way to lose your virginity."

"Oh… oh…" Ino's eyes widened in recognition and she blushed brightly as her eyes widened in shock. "Oh sweet kami… I… I was saving myself for Sasuke-kun! Daddy… Daddy's going to kill me!"

"Ugh, quieter, girl, quieter." Temari let off a slight whimper of pain despite herself at the girl's suddenly rather loud voice. "And… what the hell? The Uchiha went traitor, girl and you're still pining for him?"

"He's… he's just confused." Ino spoke up quickly as she shook her head was the denial was obvious in her words.

For a moment, Temari said nothing, staring at the girl atop herself who couldn't bring herself to meet her eyes, mulling over the options in her mind before speaking slowly. "Right… confused. Confused enough he used the same move he used to hurt Gaara on his own teammate, who was trying to bring him back."

"Wha, what?" Ino's eyes widened in shock before she started to shake her head in denial only for the sudden motion to send a swell of pain into her skull. "Sasuke… Sasuke-kun wouldn't do that! Not to his own teammate!"

"Ugh, I shouldn't have said that." Temari groaned softly as she reached up and disentangled her arm from Ino as she rubbed her temples. "Aw, fuck it, I'll just drag your ass down to crazy lady and let her yell at me and explain things to you."

"Wh-huh? Crazy lady? And shouldn't have said that?"

"Mission details, fuck I'm never getting this drunk again." Temari hissed slightly and waved her hand. "Yeah, crazy lady, about so tall, breasts the size of watermelons and with a temper that…"

"Craz-… Tsunade-sama?" There was another of those shrieking cries of disbelief as both girls then immediately winced at the pounding in their heads. "Owww… Don't call our Hokage crazy."

"Girl, this whole village is crazy." Temari groaned softly as she shook her head a bit. "Now, come on, let's get a shower and go see your big boss."

"Ugh… where are we even?" Ino grumbled as she slowly looked around.

Temari blinked slightly before she shrugged her shoulders slightly. "You know what? I have no idea… but we still need that shower unless you want to meet up with your Hokage smelling of sake and…"

"Right." Ino groaned softly before blinking slightly. "Who's going first?"

"Who said we'd be taking turns?"

"Wha… Eep!"

-o-o-o-

"Um, Tsunade-sama? There are two genin kunoichi that say that they need to see you." Shizune spoke up as she glanced carefully through the door at a less than pleased looking Hokage. "One of them is Temari-san from the Suna team and the other is Shikamaru-san's teammate."

"What do they want?" Was bitten out with a growl as Tsunade eyed her apprentice warily.

"Um, Temari-san said something about hangovers, pillow talk and mission details?" Shizune answered helpfully before glancing back over her shoulder as she heard the guilt hiss of breath that left Temari's lips.

"… Joy." Tsunade sighed slightly and made a vague gesture with her hand, waving for Shizune to let them in.

Temari entered first, her still damp hair devoid of the usual four tails and her fan missing from her back as she favored as she gave the Hokage a brief nod of acknowledgement. "Hokage-sama."

"Right, what is it this time?" The tone of annoyance rippled through the air, and caused Ino to immediately turn her head and glare at Temari

"This time? What'd you do before?"

"I didn't do anything." Temari answered stoically as she locked her eyes with the Hokage without even glancing at Ino. "Right, Tsunade-_sama_?"

"She crushed Jiraiya with her fan for peeping on her." Tsunade countered with a bemused chuckled. "Then launched him across the village, got a respectable distance with it too. I don't think I threw him that far until we were at least 20."

"Wind helps." Temari admitted with a slight shrug of her shoulders before finally hanging her head just a bit as a slight flush crept up on her cheeks. "I have to apologize, Hokage-sama, I accidentally divulged mission specifics to Ino here."

"Accidentally?" There was a note of skepticism in the woman's voice as she regarded the girls in front of her. "And how exactly do you accidentally divulge mission specifics?"

"Being naked, having a massive hang over, her laying atop me and talking about Naruto." There was a pause before Temari reluctantly added almost absentmindedly. "And the traitor."

"Will you stop calling Sasuke-kun that?" Ino hissed slightly with a light growl as she glared at her companion.

"No." Two voices chorused in answer to the youngest female's question before Temari and Tsunade glanced at one another.

"Sasuke Uchiha is a traitor." Tsunade stated without an ounce of room to argue the point as she glared at Ino. "That is a simple fact. The one and _only_ reason I haven't branded him a missing-nin with a kill on sight order is Naruto."

"How the hell he can want that after what that… boy did to him." Temari snorted loudly as she crossed her arms about her chest.

"What do you know about that?" There was a snap as Tsunade's eyes locked onto Temari's and narrowed into slits.

"I was there when his instructor brought him in, the rain didn't wash the blood out of his clothes. Wasn't too hard to figure out what happened after I talked to Shikamaru and Gaara." Temari shrugged her shoulders just a bit and canted her head to the side at Tsunade's unreadable look. "What? You know I'm more than just a pretty face."

"You've also got a talented tongue from what I remember." Ino quipped without even thinking, before paling dramatically as she realized just what she'd admitted to.

"Thanks." Temari offered with a dry smirk. "Yours wasn't too bad yourself, but you're better with your fingers."

Tsunade twitched slightly before glaring at Temari. "You, I can't do anything to... but as for _you_!" She wheeled around and jabbed her finger at a suddenly 'eeping' Ino. "Are you ASKING to be transferred to the seduction and infiltration corps?"

"I'm a combat kunoichi!" Ino immediately protest, violently shaking her head.

"Since when?" Temari snorted softly and rolled her eyes at Ino's sudden blushing glare. "You did more on your back than I ever saw you doing in the chunin exams."

"Why you..." Ino's eyes flashed as she glared back at the girl she'd woken up with.

"If you two are _finished_ with your little lover's quarrel?" Tsunade cut in with a sigh even as she fought back the urge to smirk at Temari's barbs. "What exactly are you two doing here."

"She needs the disclosure on the mission, and to be reminded why she shouldn't go blabbing it around for everyone to hear." Temari jerked her thumb towards Ino before pausing as she reached up and lightly ruffled her own hair. "Then we need to ask where we can find someone."

"And exactly why am I giving a disclosure to someone who wasn't a part of this mission, on the orders of a _foreign_ _genin_ of all people?" Tsunade hissed with narrowed eyes as she glared back at the girl.

"Because both her teammates were involved in it? Because all 11 of them seem a pretty close knit group..." Temari paused, before frowning slightly. "Well, other than the little Hyuga girl. She just kind of eeps and hides in the background."

"That's Hinata for you. She likes to just stare and drool over Naruto." Ino smirked slightly, before frowning just a bit and shrugging. "You should've seen her while we were dancing."

"I did." The dark growl that left Temari's voice made Ino snicker and Tsunade blinked slightly in confusion.

"Wait, the Hyuga heiress has a crush on Naruto? _MY_ Naruto?" Tsunade spoke up for clarification as her eyes took on a speculative gleam.

"I think we're getting off topic." Ino cut in as she saw the spark starting to flash across Temari's eyes. "I know that everyone went to get Sasuke-k-, Sasuke back... and they weren't able to. I know a lot of people that went on the mission were hurt, badly..."

"Chouji, Neji, Kiba and Naruto all nearly died," Tsunade said seriously as he slowly shook her head and frowned. "So did Lee and Gaara in fact. It was only because their opponent died from sickness that they survived."

"Well, at least it helps remind Gaara that he's human after all." Temari noted before frowning slightly. "What I want to know... is how the HELL did the Uchiha beat Naruto?"

"Why is that so hard to believe?" Ino finally growled out as she glared at Temari. "Sasuke was the top rookie of our year! Naruto was the dead last!"

"Dead last?" Tsunade snorted softly as she reached into her desk and pulled out a small bottle of sake and took a sip. "The kid who mastered the Rasengan in a month? The boy who mastered the Shadow Clone in hours? That Naruto?"

Ino immediately flushed slightly at the Hokage's almost condescending tone before blinking just slightly. "Well he was! And... Rasengan... why do I know that name?"

"... I know I should know it, but..." Temari frowned herself before shaking her head. "Can't say."

"One of Fourth Hokage's favorite, original techniques." Tsunade offered with a slight smirk. "One that took him over three years to develop, one that took his teacher, Jiraiya over a YEAR to master himself."

Temari blinked a moment, before whistling slightly in surprise as the realization sunk in. "Damn. Now that is impressive. So... How did the kid who did that, can summon the Toad Boss, and beat Gaara into being a real human being end up as the dead last?"

"... Wait, summoned the Toad Boss? Beat GAARA?" Ino stared in shock at Temari. "I thought... that was Sasuke!"

"Huh, the brat summoned 'Bunta?" Tsunade smirked slightly as she leaned back just a bit and took another sip. "And that old thug listened to him? And he beat Gaara huh? Well that clarifies that question. No one ever really reported on what happened."

"Gaara..." Temari paused, before taking a slow, deep breath. "Gaara unleashed Shukaku. Even let him take over eventually. Naruto... Naruto still beat him."

"Shukaku?" Ino asked questioningly as she stared over at Temari uncertainly.

"You'd know him as the Ichibi." Temari clarified before shrugging her shoulders slightly and pursing her lips at the dumbfounded expression on Ino's face before she turned and glanced at Tsunade. "What, didn't your academy teach you about jinchuuriki?"

"Nope, they don't." Tsunade answered the question as she took a slow sip. "At least around Ino's age they didn't."

Both girls turned and stared at Tsunade, one in disbelief, one in confusion as Temari spoke up. "Why the hell not? Every major village has one, other than Konoha!"

"Not true." Again, another sip of that sake as Tsunade glanced down into the sake for a long, quiet moment. "Mist lost theirs when he was killed and the Sanbi escaped. It's somewhere along the coast line last we heard. Stone had two, but one of them has been a hermit for a long, long time. Cloud has two, and Waterfall has one."

"... How the..." Temari stared incredulously at Tsunade who gave her an almost patronizing look in response.

"Girl... I'm a Senju. My grandfather was the one who gave the demons to those villages in the first place." Shaking her head, Tsunade took another quiet sip. "You think he didn't leave us means of keeping track of them?"

"... Oh." Temari blinked a moment, then blinked again. "I thought they went..."

"They did." Tsunade glanced down at the bottle in front of her. "Suna still got the Ichibi all on their own though."

"Ah... Huh?" Ino spoke up confusion evident on her voice as she glanced between the two.

"Jinchuuriki are people who are used to restrain demons." Tsunade spoke up softly as she glanced down into the bottle. "They are living prisons, who keep those around them safe from the demon's wrath, while in turn, they are generally able to harness at least a portion of their prisoner's power." She slowly clenched her free hand, knuckles audibly cracking. "And in exchange for keeping their people safe, they're ostracized, feared, and hated as if they were the demons themselves."

"Which, apparently isn't too good for their mental stability." Temari noted dryly as she shook her head. "Imagine that. Of course… doesn't help when they're TRYING to turn them into a weapon."

"Wait… so, these jinchuuriki have demons sealed inside of them…" Ino slowly frowned as she glanced at Temari. "Including your little brother… Who is a bloodthirsty…"

"Was a bloodthirsty." Temari corrected quietly before shaking her head and glancing at Tsunade. "That Naruto… He _changed_ Gaara. I don't know how, but he reached him."

"He's good at that." Tsunade noted with a faint smile on her lips as she nodded her head quietly.

"Exactly how much power do they have?" Ino asked with a slow hesitation in her voice as she glanced between the two other blondes.

"Well, Gaara has the Ichibi, the weakest of the tailed demons." Tsunade as she took a slow sip from her sake. "Extrapolate from there."

"I don't even want to think about what the Hachibi jinchuuriki can do." Temari shuddered slightly. "Let alone with a Kyuubi one could be capable of."

"That's… that's a lot of power." Ino whispered softly as her eyes grew wide.

"Yes, it is." Tsunade agreed even as her eyes narrowed into slits at Temari. "But, they're human. A fact that far, far too many people forget, and like all humans, they evolve based on the people they interact with. If there's no one to ever tell them they're anything but a demon and a monster…? What do you think they become?"

Ino blinked slightly before she slowly went over everything she knew about the workings of the human mind, and winced visibly. "Ow. Just… ow. So, basically people treat them like pariahs, then point their fingers and go 'See see?' when they turn into what they made them?"

"Mhm." Tsunade took a sip and shook her head again. "I've met jinchuuriki that were rabid beasts that needed to be put down because of how they'd been twisted by the people they were protecting, and I've met jinchuuriki that were the brightest souls I've ever met."

"So, again… I still wonder how the hell the Uchiha managed to beat Naruto." Temari clarified as she glanced at Tsunade again.

"He was trying to bring him home, safe and sound. The Uchiha had no such compunctions." Tsunade answered with a shrug. "Add in that the Uchiha had apparently fully surrendered to the Cursed Seal of Heaven that Orochimaru placed on him, and fully matured his sharingan?"

"Ow." Temari winced slightly before shaking her head. "And he put that Chidori technique into Naruto's chest."

Tsunade's face immediately darkened over as she gave a curt nod and a slight growl. "Yes, he did."

"Sasuke… a… a…" Ino stuttered slightly as her eyes went wide, staring in disbelief at Tsunade. "But, Sakura never told me…"

"She doesn't know." Tsunade shook her head and glanced out the window, looking back over the village. "She doesn't know how close Naruto came to dying."

"But… he seems fine!" Ino immediately protested. "Chouji, Neji, Kiba, you can tell they were almost dead, but Naruto is bouncing around like he always is!"

"Naruto inherited a healing factor from his father." Tsunade answered quietly as she kept her eyes staring out across the village. "Without it, he would have bled out and died at the Valley of the End just like my grandfather did."

"Naruto… Heals?" Ino blinked then stared, blinking slightly in surprise as she stared at Tsunade. "How fast?"

"According to Kakashi, he once stabbed the back of his hand with a kunai to bleed out poison, rather messily at that. Less than a minute later it was almost healed." Tsunade pursed her lips slightly before shaking her head. "By the time Kakashi brought him back from the Valley, he was already most of the way healed. If you didn't see the blood on his jacket, shirt and skin, you'd never know he was injured."

"I did." Temari stated simply as she stared towards Tsunade, before wincing slightly. "And I apologize for revealing that information."

"Meh." Tsunade waved her hand slightly. "Don't do it again." She turned her head before glaring sternly at Ino. "Her, I can't do anything about, you though? Do I need to… clarify what I'll do to you, Yamanaka, if you so much as breath a word of this to someone not authorized to hear it?"

"No, Hokage-sama." Ino agreed with a nervous gulp as she watched the woman glaring at her.

"So, you said you needed help finding someone?" Tsunade arched a brow back towards Temari.

"Yes," Temari agreed, before shifting and blushing slightly. "You see… when we, um… went to bed last night, there were three of us. When we woke up, there were only the two of us."

Tsunade stared at the girls for a moment, before blinking, then blinking again before a slight snort of amusement left her. "So, basically you two got into a ménage a trois, and but the third person up and ran off before you two woke up?"

"Well, knowing them, I'm not exactly surprised." Temari agreed, even as she blushed again and nervously glanced around as Ino did the same. "More that they completely and utterly freaked out I think."

"That sounds about right." Ino agreed, before frowning slightly and crossing her arms about her chest. "Still doesn't make it right though."

"Kids." Tsunade rolled her eyes a bit and smirked as she sipped her sake again before settling it down on the table. "All right, who do you two need to find?"

Ino and Temari glanced at one another for a moment, before blushing again as they spoke up in unison. "Naruto."


	36. Naruto: Girly

Disclaimer: Beware, because if you keep reading, most of you will regret it. Naruto belongs to Kishimoto.

Author's notes: Ya were warned

-o-o-o-

Kakashi stared at the three young genin hopefuls in front of him and resisted the urge to shunshin back to the Hokage's tower and ask the old man exactly what the hell he was smoking in his pipe these days. Taking a slow, deep breath, he flicked his eye across the trio, and did note at least one, somewhat reassuring fact. They were all practically draped off one another.

"All right, so, um… Names, likes, dislikes, dreams…?" It wasn't the typical authorative tone he liked to use on newbie genin, but still.

"What, not sure that's what you wanna know?" Painted lips pulled back into a smirk, a sparkling shade of glistening pink lip gloss shining in the afternoon sun as dainty, painted nails reached up and ran through long black tresses spiked with brilliant pink highlights. "Man, what a drag."

Kakashi turned his attention to the speaker, and resisted the urge to bang his head against something nice and solid. This was NOT what he'd been expecting. It would teach him to accept an assignment without fully reading the paperwork on it anytime in the near future.

Dressed in a sleeveless pink and black dress, Sasuke Uchiha arched a brow up at his jounin sensei as he lightly played with an errant, frayed string from his mesh gloves that ran most of the way up his arms. Matching lengths ran up his legs, only cutting off just above mid thigh, visible in the slit that ran up the almost knee length dress. As thick, charcoal lined lashes fluttered beneath a glittering pink eye shadow, bored black eyes watched him with a complete lack of real interest.

"Mah, just answer the question already, you whiny little bitch." The voice was drawled out from the team's actual female as hazy blue eyes glanced half lidded towards Sasuke as Ino Yamanaka was balancing boredly on the nearby railing.

Dressed in a loose purple jacket that was cropped to the lower portion of her chest, a hood was drawn up over her head as flashes of the black sports bra and fishnet she wore could be seen as she half danced across the rail. Fingerless black gloves could be seen gripping for instants on the railing, black painted nails flashing with silver sparkles. Beneath the bare expanse of a toned stomach, thick black cargo pants covered her legs down to mid thigh, where tight black, and thin shoes shifted with every motion of her toes as they continually shifted about to help her keep her balance.

"And who said I have to go first?" There was a slight whine of annoyance in Sasuke's voice as he glared back at Ino and then spit a small fireball at the girl.

"You spoke up first." Came the drawling words of the third member who watched with one half lidded eye while he shook his head. "And I can't believe I actually let you near me with that mouth of yours."

Dressed in a burnt orange jacked opened to reveal a thick mesh armor top, Naruto Uzumaki was sitting next to the other male member of his team. Or, more appropriately, Sasuke was nestled up against his side in a rather intimate manner, and the wild haired blonde wasn't making a move to protest it. Black , fingerless gloves, a match to Ino's, but with crimson spirals on their backs, were threaded behind his head, as he let his leaf engraved plate hang from his neck. Heavy, tan colored cargo pants of his own, fall down most of the way to his ankles as black sandals shifted and tapped a steady, unconscious beat.

"You do it because it's a very, very talented mouth." Sasuke shot back with a sultry little smirk before pouting just a bit as he turned around and glared back at his teacher. "Why do we have to do this anyway? WE already know each other."

"I don't know you though." Kakashi pointed out simply.

"Weren't you given our files?" Ino spoke up curiously as she shifted into a standing handstand and began to slowly contort her body into a variety of different poses.

His hand unconsciously rubbing the back of his neck, Kakashi gave a nervous chuckle. "Well, yes, I just didn't read them."

"Oh, this is gonna be fun then." Naruto shook his head as he pulled out a cigarette from somewhere and angled it down to Sasuke's lips, who gave the length a light kiss, causing it to suddenly ignite.

"Do I have to?" Again, there was that slight, very feminine little whine in Sasuke's voice as he looked pleadingly up at Naruto.

"What, you expect me to go first or something?" The boy snorted softly as he took a slow drag on his cigarette before glancing over at Ino. "Hey, Ino, give your dad my thanks, this latest blend is kick ass."

"Fine." Sasuke huffed slightly and sighed as he shifted just a bit, crossing his legs before he glanced up at Kakashi. "Sasuke Uchiha. I like Naruto, and I suppose if I have to, I like the blonde pretzel over there too."

"Love you too, you little sissy." Ino shot back with a smirk as she deftly avoided another of the little fireballs spat at her.

"Anyway. I also like tea ceremonies, dressing like I do, and a number of other things I don't feel like going into right now." Sasuke lazily waved his hand as he lightly continued. "Dislikes? Stupid people that try to push me into whatever little mold they think I'm supposed to fit into. Plus, probably my brother, but, honestly? I know I'm supposed to care, but after all that shit? I just don't care anymore."

He paused a moment, his pink, glistening lips pursed a moment in thought before he shrugged his shoulders once more. "As for dreams…" He paused again, brow furrowed in concentration as he seemed lost in thought, before glancing a moment towards Naruto then shrugging his shoulders. "I guess to just stay with Naruto."

"What, not going to mention those dreams you have of hot, steamy sex, with you in that pristine pink kimono, being bent over by Naruto and…" Ino offered up as her eyes danced merrily, even as she began to have to twist and dance against the railing. "Ooooh, but you know you love it!"

"Is this… normal?" Kakashi turned his head towards Naruto, who leaned back with a hazy look on his face.

"Hm? Oh, Sasuke and Ino snipping at one another?" Naruto took another drag on his cigarette before seeming to ponder the thought.

After a moment of waiting, Kakashi felt a twitch ripple across his eyes. "Well?"

"Huh? Well what?" Naruto blinked in momentary confusion back at Kakashi.

"Is this normal?"

"... Is what normal?" The look of confusion written on Naruto's face gave Kakashi an urge to beat his head against something hard and thick.

"You really didn't read ANYTHING about us, did you?" Sasuke gave Kakashi a look of pity as he slowly shook his head then lay himself out across Naruto's lap, smiling slightly as Naruto unconsciously began to stroke his hair.

"I think that's rather obvious." Ino agreed before finally flipping off the rail and sauntering over, lifting up Sasuke's legs in the process and sliding in as she rested against Naruto. "Look, no, Naruto is not that dumb."

"Excuse me?" Naruto took a long drag before glancing at Ino. "These aren't so good that I don't know I'm an idiot while I'm on these things."

"Well, undrugged Naruto isn't an idiot." Ino corrected as she lightly rolled her eyes.

"Debatable, remember how he used to be before?" Sasuke shot back even as he lightly closed his eyes and rubbed appreciatively at Naruto's leg.

"I am right here you know." Naruto complained with a slight pout on his lips.

"Yes, but you won't remember what we were talking about in five minutes anyway." Ino reminded him with a slight smirk

"Yeah.. I'm gonna miss these things when I finally get off them." Naruto paused a moment before glancing at Ino. "Think your dad will make me some regular ones that don't fuck up my head? I've kinda gotten used to em."

"You just like the way Sasuke lights 'em." Ino countered with a snort and a roll of her eyes.

"It is pretty hot." Naruto agreed, completely clueless as to why his teammates let off a giggle and a chuckle at his answer. "Huh?"


	37. Naruto: Ino Madness

Disclaimer: Naruto Belongs to Kishimoto

Author's Notes: just a bit of percolation… you think you know where it's going to go? Heh. Don't count on it.

-o-o-o-

Ino had been told by her father countless times, that no matter what she did, who she tried her family techniques on, she was never, EVER supposed to use them on one Naruto Uzumaki. He wouldn't tell her why, only that it was one of the few, rare times where her batting her big blue eyes up at him had not made him melt into agreement. Instead, it had only hardened his eyes into cold flinty orbs as he'd told her flat out that she was NEVER to do it.

Unfortunately, Ino had never been very good at doing what she was told.

-o-o-o-

"What… the?" Ino blinked widely as she looked around, staring at the grimy, desolate walls around her as she waded lightly through the thick, soupy mess of what seemed to be a sewer. "Ewww… Why the hell am I in here instead of in charge…?"

"Hmph, what have we here?" The voice rumbled through hallways as a flash of crimson caught Ino's eyes and her attention turned slowly backwards.

A pair of burning, malevolent eyes were watching her from behind a thick steel gate with a growing smirk of sharp, hungry teeth. "Mmm a bit scrawny, but it's been so long since I had a nice snack."

"Wh… what the hell?" Ino scrambled backwards as she fell into the sludge, her eyes wide as she stared up at the massive, shadow shrouded face looming so high behind the gate.

"Hell… such an… interesting term that." The face seemed to pause at that, its mouth falling shut, before a look of consideration flashed in what features Ino could see. "Yes… This is Hell. My, personal Hell, and now, here you are, little shi-no-bi… A brief little lull in this limbo."

"How… how do you know I'm a ninja?" Ino was shaken, that much was rather obvious as she stared with wide eyes up at the creature in front of her.

"Please, besides that damned symbol you wear on the belt, so proudly even in your own mental image..? You are here… in my prison, in his mind. "

"Prison…? But this is… Naruto's mind is your prison?" There was a gulping gasp of shock in the girl's eyes as she stared, fearfully up at the creature in front of her.

"The BOY is my prison." Claws bigger than she was slammed through the bars of the cage, earning a startled squeak from the girl before a low, hiss of frustration, before suddenly those eyes narrowed into slits and a slow dark chuckle echoed through the sewer. "And of course… now he's YOURS as well, little shi-no-bi."

"… Ok, enough of this, I am soooo out of here." Ino gulped loudly before immediately holding up hand in a familiar symbol, only for nothing to happen.

"What, having a little bit of trouble escaping?" The creature laughed softly as it slowly shook its head. "This whole place is a prison, foolish little mortal. Crafted by the Death God Himself. Just because you're not in one of the cells, doesn't mean you're not trapped here, with me."

"Like hell I am! Release!" She focused again, bringing words to her command as she focused on her technique as her father had taught her. And again, nothing happened. "Release! Release! RELEASE!"

As the girl continued, growing more and more frantic with each repetition, the voice's dark chuckles echoed in the 'air' around them. "As I said… Welcome to my Hell, little shi-no-bi." And suddenly, the inky darkness of the cell was illuminated by a burning crimson glow, and Ino was confronted by the vicious smirk of a massive, demented looking fox-like creature with a mess of tails swirling behind it.

As recognition hit Ino's mind, a wave of instinctive terror erupted inside of her as she scrambled even further back. "K-k-k-kyuubi!"

The explosion of dark laughter that erupted out of the creature's mouth shook her all the way to the deep, primal part of her soul. If Konoha had its own devil, its own private boogieman, it was this creature in front of her. Faced with it, Ino did the only thing she could comprehend doing. She turned and ran.

"Go ahead, run, little shi-no-bi… There's no escape. Hehehehehe… Here, in this Hell, there is no solace, no salvation. Just me."

And still, Ino ran as that dark, chuckling voice haunted her panicked, sloshing steps.

-o-o-o-

Ignorant of the trouble happening inside of him, Naruto Uzumaki blinked as he felt a slight… buzz of some sort before it seemed to fade by the way side. Still, he paused and began to carefully look around. It wasn't quite going away, leaving him to frown as it subsided, but he could still feel it, things just feeling… off.

"Mah, Naruto, have you seen Ino?" The sudden lazy drawl rippled through the air as Naruto turned his head and noted Shikamaru and Chouji walking towards him. "Our sensei told us to come find her, and she's being troublesome to find."

"Err, not recently?" Naruto glanced around, half worried the mention of the girl would summon her. "The last time I saw her, I um, kinda, sorta…"

"… I know." Shikamaru groused sourly as he shook his head. "She was damned troublesome all week after that."

"Errr, sorry?" Naruto shrugged his shoulders helplessly for a moment, before smirking back at the lazy boy. "But, can you tell me that she didn't have it coming?"

"She's Ino." Shikamaru pointed out with a snort and a shake of his head. "Of course she had it coming." He paused then, glancing around carefully before smirking just a bit. "And even if it was troublesome, it was damned funny."

"I am to please." Naruto agreed with a sage nod of his head and a visible smirk, before he glanced between the two. "So, you two got stuck with her and still managed to pass?"

"… Do you have any idea what she'd do to me if we hadn't?" Shikamaru countered with a snort as he lightly crossed his arms about his chest.

"No, not really." Naruto agreed with a cheeky grin on his lips before sighing slightly and glancing around. "Lemme guess, you want me to help you find her?"

"You did make her extra troublesome for a while." Shikamaru pointed out.

"It would help." Chouji finally paused in his consumption of chips to add his agreement with a nod of his head.

"Fine." Muttering lightly under his breath, Naruto made a single sign before suddenly an explosion of clones filled the area around them. "All right, you know what to do. Find her, and then either come tell us, or get her to chase you back here."

It was only an instant later, before a voice suddenly spoke up. "Um, boss? I found her."

Blinking slightly in confusion, the three boys walked over to where the clone spoke up. Sure enough, there was one Ino Yamanaka, completely unconscious and sprawled lightly out on the soft grass. Blinking slightly, Shikamaru groaned audibly. "Great… she decided to go jump into somebody's head. Tsk Troublesome."

"Errr… Jump into someone's head?" Naruto blinked, then blinked again as he looked back at Shikamaru with a look of incomprehension on his face.

"Yamanaka clan techniques, they can jump into people's bodies and take over." Shikamaru shuddered slightly. "She likes to use it to get back at people by jumping in and having them well… yeah."

"… The ballerina?" Naruto asked even as he felt a slow, sinking sensation in his stomach.

"The ballerina." Chouji affirmed with a nod of his head and a slight snicker. "Fortunately, she can only hold it for a short time…"

"How short?"

"She should wake up at any second." Shikamaru agreed as he put his hands in his pockets and stared down at Ino.

"Yeah, any second. She can't really hold it very long, but don't tell her I said that." Chouji added with a visible wince.

The sinking pit in his stomach only grew as horrifying thought began to sink into his head, even as he nodded weakly. "All right… any second."

Ino's two teammates blinked back at Naruto curiously, who only managed to grin weakly back at them. An uneasy silence descended onto the trio, as the time ticked by. Finally, after several minutes, Naruto spoke up again.

"Um, so… is it supposed to have been this long?" Naruto put forth, visibly worried now.

"No… it's not." Shikamaru agreed as Naruto's worry infected his own words.

"You said this was a clan technique, right?"

"Yup. And I think we need to get her to her father. Now." Shikamaru spoke up as an unreadable expression flashed across his eyes.

"I… I think you're right." Without being asked, Naruto reached down and scooped up Ino's body into his arms. "Well?"

"… Right." Shikamaru frowned slightly as he filed Naruto's reaction into the back of his mind to look into when his teammate's health wasn't in question as he lead blond genin to the Yamanaka Household.

-o-o-o-

"Hmm? Shikamaru? Chouji?" Inoichi Yamanaka blinked slightly as he saw his daughter's teammates. "If you're looking for Ino, I'm sorry but she's not he…"

"We know where Ino is… Physically at least." Shikamaru cut in, before lightly stepping aside to reveal a very nervous looking, and pale faced Naruto looking up at him with a worried smile.

"Um… Hi, Yamanaka-san… We kinda, um… found Ino all passed out and well, Shika said that you guys used funkin techniques to jump into people's bodies and, that Ino liked to use them to get back at people, and since I kinda sorta pissed her off a bit back…"

Inoichi's face grew as pale as Naruto's as he looked directly into the boy's eyes with a probing, unreadable look, only to have the boy shrug helplessly in response. Nodding curtly, he turned and faced the other two boys. "Shikamaru, Chouji, please inform Asuma that Ino is… indisposed. Uzumaki-san, please come in."

"Is Ino going to be all right?" Chouji spoke up as he glanced nervously at the look on the face of his teammate's father.

The silence he received as the man he'd known as practically his uncle his whole life calmly and politely shut the door behind Naruto, send a sudden shiver of dread down his spine, before he turned and looked at Shikamaru. "This… is bad, isn't it?"

"Troublesome," Shikamaru said in way of agreement, before he grabbed hold of his friend's arm. "Come on, the sooner we tell Asuma-sensei, the sooner we can come back for some answers."

Chouji didn't even offer a token protest as he nodded and quickly followed after his suddenly motivated friend.

Back in the house, Inoichi wordlessly gestured for Naruto to put Ino's body down on the couch, before he spoke up quietly. "I understand you have been… informed of it, during that… incident with the traitor?"

"Mizuki-sen-… yeah, the bastard told me." Naruto bit out as he carefully put Ino on the couch before quickly looking up at the man. "Look, I didn't know she could do that kinda thing! If I did I totally wouldn't have pranked her…" Naruto paused before muttering a bit under his breath. "No matter how much she deserved it."

"I'm not mad at you, Uzumaki-san." There was a pause, before the man let a frown cross his lips. "Well, not very much at least. I specifically TOLD Ino to NEVER try any of the family techniques on you."

"Then she knows…?" Instantly Naruto paled even further, as he imagined just what kind of trouble Ino could cause him from a slip up of her rather big mouth.

"Not before today." Inoichi countered as he pinched his nose. "I couldn't tell her WHY she couldn't try them on you. Just that she couldn't."

"… So, basically you told Ino. As in Ino Yamanaka, NOT to do something without telling her WHY?" Naruto stared incredulously at the man. "Even _I_ know that's like giving her an engraved invitation!"

"What ELSE was I supposed to do?" Inoichi growled out as he glared back at the boy. "Because of the law…"

"Did you try talking to the old man about it?" Naruto shot back as he crossed his arms about his chest and glared back at the old man defiantly.

"Well…" Inoichi actually looked embarrassed at that as he quickly glanced away

Groaning audibly Naruto pointed a finger accusingly at the man. "You didn't, did you?"

"I never thought of it!"

Again, Naruto groaned, before reaching up and rubbing irritably at his temples. "Great, just great…"


	38. Naruto: Where All Hokages Go

Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Kishimoto

Author's Notes: Sing on, oh valkyrie, and guide me on to the shining halls of Valhalla.

"So, do you have anything to say?"

The question fell on seemingly dead ears as the subject stood, head hung, a veil of shadow cast across his eyes. No motion was given that he was heard, that the question had reached him in the least. A moment past, then another, before at last the silence was taken as his only answer.

"So be it." There was a hiss of frustration as the words left those lips, and Homura Mitokado turned his head, away before he looked out onto a gathering crowd, and again he repeated the words with no small amount of uncertainty. "So be it."

"He still refuses to speak?" Koharu Utatane's voice was soft as she glanced down at the figure bound to his knees on the stand.

"Not a single word." Homura confirmed as he then glanced down at the boy and shook his head.

"Not surprising." A third figure spoke up, as his face half hidden by bandages, as half of his body was hidden behind a half cloak. "He managed to resist even Root's techniques... and since both Yamanaka techniques and chemical persuasion is useless..."

"Then there is no other choice?" Homura frowned slightly as he hesitated a moment, uncertainty written across his features. "You know that the Hokage will not forgive us for this."

"She is an inexperienced fool, blinded by her nostalgia." Koharu cut in with thin lips pressed into a tight line. "She cannot be counted on to do what is best for Konoha in this matter."

"Such a waste." Homura sighed slightly before he took a moment to study Danzo quietly. "We are placing our faith in you then, Danzo. To keep Konoha safe even when the Hokage cannot."

"I shall do as I always have." Stiff and resolute, Danzo paused before bowing low to the pair. "And I will make sure that Konoha is grateful for your sacrifice."

"Then go." Koharu spoke up swiftly. "You cannot be associated with this, not if you are to be able to continue your work."

Wordlessly, Danzo bowed once more, before vanishing in a silent swirl of the wind.

Standing resolutely, Koharu turned her head and nodded to her long time teammate who went through a series of seals, before striking firmly on one of the four posts surrounding the platform. In response, a sudden, shimmering barrier arose, a wall surrounding them. Turning his head, he bowed quietly back to her. "It is done."

"And so do the pieces move, too late." The elderly woman muttered quietly under her breath as a swarm of ninja appeared before them, lead by the irate figure of Tsunade Senju, their village's current Hokage.

"Koharu! Homura! What the HELL do you two think you're doing?" Anger was flashing through her eyes, before she suddenly caught sight of the blonde figure forced to kneel next to them. "Naruto! What have you done to him?"

"The vessel is no longer your concern." Koharu spoke up in a cold voice as she stared impassively back at the woman. "We are simply doing what is best for our beloved village when you could not."

"Best for the village?" Anger flashed through the woman's eyes as no small hint of fear raced like a snake down her spine, as she suddenly slammed her fist against the barrier. "You DARE!"

The councilors remained impassive as the force of the blow sent a sudden ripple through the translucent wall's length. Homura looked at her with a grudging tinge of respect as he lightly nodded his head in acknowledgment. "Impressive and to be expected from the granddaughter of our great founder. If given the time, I'm certain there's nothing we could do to stop you from breaking through it."

"However." Koharu picked up right behind him as she looked back at the blonde woman with thin, slitted eyes. "Time isn't something we're willing to give you." Standing up, straighter, those eyes suddenly burned with determination as she glared back at the woman. "As you wouldn't stand up and protect our village, we're going to do what you wouldn't."

"You know as well as we do, that not only did the container fail to retrieve the traitor, but he succumbed to the power of the Kyuubi sealed inside of him." Homura agreed as he adjusted his glasses slightly at the look of disbelief on Tsunade's face. "With all that power at his disposal, and he still failed to return with the filth. And tell me, Tsunade, how does a jinchuuriki, the jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi, fail to defeat one, single genin when using the power of the demon he contains?"

"By not wanting to kill his friend." There wasn't even an ounce of hesitation in the woman's voice as she stared back at the boy. "Naruto... Naruto, please, please say something."

"He hasn't said a word since he was taken into custody." There was a grudging respect in Homura's voice. "Not even during his interrogation."

The outrage that shown in the Hokage's eyes as she hissed out a shocked breath. "You had him _tortured_? A loyal shinobi, a rookie genin and you had him _TORTURED_? I swear, no matter where you try to hide, I will..."

"Do nothing." Koharu, cut the woman off as she and Homura both made a snake seal. "We will both be beyond your reach soon enough."

Eight seals followed the first, before in unison the pair clapped their hands together, before stiffening together in unison as suddenly a hand erupted out of each of their chests, and grabbed hold of Naruto.

As he suddenly stiffened a moment, Naruto Uzumaki lifted his head, and finally looked up at Tsunade, tears streaming down his dulling blue eyes. "Granny... Sorry... Sorry I couldn't keep my promise... Tell Sakura-chan I... I would have done anything to have been able to keep it."

"Naruto... No..." Realization set into Tsunade's eyes as she stared at the boy with a look of absolute horror as she slumped forward, falling to her knees in absolute shocked disbelief.

"And so, it ends." Koharu stated grimly as she stiffened again, feeling herself being ripped out of her body as for a moment, an impossible moment, the boy, the child resisted the pull of the Death God's arms.

In that moment, Naruto looked out across the growing crowd, and caught familiar, horrified faces watching him, starting to run towards the barrier. And he could see in that moment, the horror wasn't because of what he was, but at the thought of losing him. That thought, brought a slow, soft smile to those lips as he lifted his head fully, and suddenly he seemed to shine so brightly in defiance of even the death god's might.

And with that, suddenly they could only watch in horrified shock as a dark pulsing crimson was ripped out of his body by one of the Death God's hands, as those who understood what it was, could only marvel in sheer disbelief. Watching as the boy, the genin, resisted the Death God beyond what even their living devil couldn't. As there, on his knees, he suddenly seemed as tall as the Hokages themselves.

For a moment, the impossibility of it set their hearts to swell, to dare hope, before they could see the bittersweet sadness in his eyes, as he spoke, his voice, somehow clear as it reached every ear, in one last message. "I am a Leaf in the wind. Watch me Soar."

It was then, that they watched as the soul of Naruto Uzumaki was torn from his mortal form, and for a moment, as his executioners slumped lifelessly next to him, shone with all the brilliance of the sun. In that light, those who had touched his life, who had known him, suddenly felt the sudden, simple pulse of pure and simple emotion. In that moment, each of them, knew that no matter what, they had meant the world to him.

Then, suddenly it was gone, snuffed out, leaving them aching for that light once more as time stretched in a moment of silence before the barrier that separated those three bodies shattered. As the rest of them watched, their Hokage stood, sternly, firmly as she strode forward to the three. With quick, flicks of her wrists, the corpses of the Third Hokage's former teammates were tossed aside like trash, as she knelt down, with a tender care and began to unbind the lifeless body of the boy.

Then, gently cradling the small, lifeless body in her arms, she buried her head in his chest, and let the sobbing stream of tears fall down her cheeks as her whole body convulsed with emotion. Crying tears never ceased to fall into his chest, as slowly the crowd gathered around her, filled with broken, tear streaked faces. She made no move to stop the warm, comforting arm wrapping over her shoulders as she could feel her teammate crouch down with him, tears streaming down his own face as he felt the weight of complete and utter failure digging into his heart like a dagger as he stared at his godson.

It would be, several long, agonizing minutes later that the woman would reach down, and carefully undo the boy's weathered, beaten orange jacket, and with a clinical, almost mechanical motion, reached down to retrieve that cursed necklace. Only it wasn't there. Or, more precisely, only the fading glow of its outline.

For a moment, she was awash with a conflicting storm of emotion. Then, finally, her lips settled on a slight, bitter smile as she bowed her head in quiet acknowledgment. Still cradling his body, she turned her head, and let her face quietly settled into her teammate's chest as she held Naruto's body tightly to her chest.

Miles away, in the depths of shadows, a dark haired boy froze as he suddenly felt an icy stab, digging into his heart. His hand resting on the nearby wall, he stared in shock as for the first time in half a decade, tears fell down his cheeks, and he didn't know why. A biting, sinking drop as suddenly, Sasuke Uchiha knew without a shadow of a doubt, something had gone terribly, horribly wrong.


	39. Bleach: KSK

KSK

Disclaimer: Bleach Belongs to Tite Kubo

Author's notes: The vorpal plot bunnies are on the rise, and they have joined forces with the plot cabbit armadas... beware.

Check my profile, I posted a link to the forum where I've begun to start posting WIP and updates to my fragments. You can also find it at http:/ s3. zetaboards. com/ FanFictionFederation/ index/ only without all the spaces.

-o-o-o-

Grimmjaw growled softly as he stared defiantly back at Tousen even as he was lead through Los Noches towards Aizen's throne. The blind man seemed to pay no notice as he continued to almost drag the sexta Espada through the white walls with a seemingly single minded determination. At least, until they came across a smug pair of almost identically smirking faces.

Szayel wore a grin that was almost as wide as the one that curled across Nnoitra's face as the pink haired octava Espada pressed his glasses slightly upwards, his eyes gleaming carefully. "Ah, Tousen... Brought back our errant comrade?"

"Yes." The blind man's answer was simple as his unseeing eyes narrowed slightly behind his visor. "Is there something I can help you with, Octava, or are you purposely delaying my escorting him to Aizen-sama?"

"Well, you see Szayel here and I have a bit of an experiment and we were wondering if you'd mind us using our little delinquent comrade there to test it?" Nnoitra's grin seemed to grow even further as he lightly leaned against his massive weapon. "What with him already being in hot water, we figured you wouldn't mind it at all."

"What manner of experiment?" There was a note of cautious curiosity in Tousen's voice even as Grimmjaw growled and glared at the man.

"What the fuck! No fucking way I'm going to just..." The arrancar's protests were cut off as Tousen's blade was suddenly at his throat.

"Be silent, fool." The words were coldly hissed past his lips as the dark skinned man glared at the blue haired Espada before glancing towards Szayel. "Speak, quickly."

"Well it's simply that... we wished to test a simple hypothesis of Nnoitra's." Szayel adjusted his glasses once more, smirking coldly towards Grimmjow before he continued. "I'm sure you can imagine what that hypothesis might be."

"And this pertains to this fool, how?" There was a cold edge to Tousen's voice as he continued, glaring coldly from Szayel to the still widely smirking Nnoitra.

"We simply wish to make an.. adjustment, to our dear, misguided comrade," Szayel responded, his eyes glinting wickedly as he lightly glancing towards a confused Grimmjaw, before holding up a syringe filled with an almost glowing pink liquid. "It would just take a moment."

"Hey, no fuckin way you're..." The blade pressed more tightly against his throat as he could see Tousen glaring at him once more.

"And you wish to use him as a... test of it's effectiveness?" Tousen put forth carefully as he turned his head and glared for a moment at the triumphantly smirking Nnoitra.

"Oh, no the effectiveness is already quite proven. We merely wish to see if the change has any noticeable fluctuation in his reiatsu levels." Szayel smiled placidly towards the former Shinigami captain. "I'm sure you can understand what Nnoitra's hypothesis happens to be."

"And any known side effects?" Tousen had to admit he was curious as he kept his blade pressed firmly against the angrily glaring Grimmjaw's throat.

"Well there has been a noticeable disruption in the reiatsu flows with the transformation." Szayel admitted with a shrug of his shoulders. "Not to mention I'm sure the changed in balance and coordination... I'd estimate he'd be completely unable to properly use his reiatsu anywhere near as effectively for a few months."

Before Grimmjaw could fully protest his disapproval with the direction of the conversation, Tousen had snatched the syringe from Szayel's hand and had stabbed the man with it's contents.

As the sudden rush of burning pain rippled through him, Grimmjaw glared angrily at the two smirking faces and one coldly aloof visage as a growl burned past his lips. "I WILL get you for this!" Then, suddenly as a pulsing wave of vertigo and pain washed over him, he could feel his mind slowly succumbing to the rush of darkness.

-o-o-o-

"Well, this is certainly... interesting."

The amusement in Aizen's familiar voice seeped through the groggy fog of consciousness that Grimmjaw struggled to rise up through. Everything hurt, his entire body was a mess of sore flesh and aching bones as he slowly forced his eyes to open and blink blearily as everything slowly came into focus. With an audible groan, he slowly pushed his hand up against his face, even as he curled forward and slowly sat up, ignoring the wave of dizzy disorientation that washed through his mind.

"Ah, awake already? It would seem Szayel does rather... expedient work." Grimmjaw turned his head, and his blurry gaze came to rest on a figure that COULD have been Aizen, but he couldn't quite tell for certain.

"Wha... the fuck did they do to me...?" Immediately he froze, as the sound of his voice sounded... off. No, not off, absolutely, completely fucking wrong. "What the FUCK!"

"Well, I'm sure you'll be able to figure out exactly what's going on, my dear." Aizen's voice was almost comforting, almost, but the way he addressed Grimmjaw... "It would seem that Tousen felt the need to take some... disciplinary action against you. Still, while I would have completely understood your actions... He felt your actions needed to be curtailed as it were."

Grimmjaw blinked, then blinked again, as the fog of confusion slowly fell away, and he could feel his eyes shifting into focus. Immediately he took note of a few rather key differences. Chief among them being, he no longer seemed to be a he at all.

"You have GOT to be fucking SHITTING ME!" The feminine shriek of outrage that left a pair of softly full lips as her emerald eyes widened in disbelief caused several flinches to ripple trough the crowd of white clad figures before she narrowed her gaze into twin slits. "And a fucking audience? TOUSEN, I AM GOING TO...!"

"Now, now, Grimmjaw." Aizen's voice calmly cut through the air as he lightly glance almost disapprovingly towards the figure. "If you're going to attack Tousen, then I'm afraid I no longer have any reason to pardon you."

"But..!" The newly feminized arrancar was growling angrily as her eyes flashed with rage. "He, THEY turned in into a fucking chick!"

"Quite a fascinating thing really," Aizen responded with a nod of his head. "It will be interesting to see what kind of effect this will have on your abilities... Though, I'm afraid Szayel was quite correct about your reiatsu being rather... chaotic."

"The... fuck?" And she could feel it too. Everything was off, she still had it all, but it was flowing so... strangely. She couldn't grasp it, wield it like she normally did. "What the HELL!"

"And since we have no idea if, or when you're going to regain a proper amount of control..." Aizen continue as if he'd never heard Grimmjaw speaking. "I'm afraid, you simply cannot perform the duties of an Espada.

"WHAT?" The shrieking hiss of outrage that left her lips caused Aizen's attention to flick back at her for a moment, before he simply shook his head with a slight sigh as he tilted his hand and caught his chin on his palm, fingers lightly splayed across his cheek.

"I believe, Grimmjaw-chan, I did not stutter my words." He paused, before flicking his eyes over towards a silent, blonde figure. "However, I'm sure that Halibel will be more than happy to help you with your... adjustments."

"Aizen-sama?" There was a note of questioning in the blonde's voice as she took a moment to glance of the still fuming now former Espada before continuing. "And if she is unable to reach her former level of power?"

"Well, it would mean that there's little chance for her to regain her position as an Espada. In which case, you'll have a new fraccion."

"FRACCION!"

"I suppose that should be proper motivation, Aizen-sama." Halibel nodded her head slightly before coolly regarding the twitching Grimmjaw.

"No FUCKING way I'm going to be your Fraccion!" Grimmjaw snarled slightly as she glared over at female arrancar.

"I was referring to proper motivation for myself, to insure you reach your former control." Halibel paused a moment before continuing casually. "Having you for a fraccion isn't something I'd wish on anyone."

"You're damned right... Wait, HEY!" Grimmjaw's eyes flashed as the full implications of the woman's words filtered through her mind.

"Come along, little kitten." Halibel shook her head and sighed slightly as she turned around, arms crossed about her chest as she simply walked away, heading towards her room. "The sooner we get this started, the sooner it'll be done with."

"Dammit, don't fucking call me that!" Grimmjaw growled as she glared angrily at the woman, ignoring the slight rippling snickers that pulsed around her.

"First lesson: Learn to speak like an adult instead of a childish brat." Halibel answered as she continued to lead the new girl out of the chamber.

"Or else fuckin' what?"

Squirt. It was a sudden slight splash of cold, wet water, shot from Halibel straight into Grimmjaw's face. All without the blonde arrancar even looking at her.

"What the FU-!"

Squirt. "As I said... First lesson, learn to speak properly, with actual words instead of expletives."

The angry hiss that escaped Grimmjaw's lips caused Gin Ichimaru to turned his smirking head towards Aizen as he could help but chuckle. "Oh yes, this is going to be a positively delightful show, ain't it?"

"Indeed." Aizen agreed with a faint smile on his face befre glancing over at Tousen and lightly arching a brow. "Feel better now?"

"... Maybe." Tousen agreed before pursing his lips. "I'm not sure if cutting off his arm like I originally planned would have been better or worse for him."

"Her." Aizen correct casually. "As she is most assuredly female, all the way down to her reiatsu flows."

"GOD DAM-" Squirt. "STOP IT ALREADY!"

"No. Now be a good kitten and behave."

"I'm NOT A KITTEN!" There was a pause, before they could hear the sulking voice continuing. "I'm a panther, dammit."

Squirt.

"REOW!"

"On second thought, I'm quite sure this will make a more lasting impression." Tousen paused, before suddenly smiling. "This should prove most entertaining."

-o-o-o-

Grimmjaw cursed, loudly and profoundly in the solace of her room as she viciously struck out at one of the naked white stone walls, only to bite back a yelp of agony as a sudden surge of pain rippled through her arm. "FUCK!"

Aizen hadn't been joking after all. Every bit of her reiatsu was screwy. She had no heirro, no sonido, no bala. Hell, she couldn't even pull off a cero properly! All because of those three bastards. Finally, giving into her frustration, she pulled out her blade and almost screamed out "GRIND! PANTERA!"

Nothing. She couldn't even fucking release properly anymore. How was she supposed to finish her fight with that damned shinigami now? Another angry scream followed before she kicked pitifully at the wall, before yelping in a shock of pain.

In an instant, she was hopping around, clutching at her foot as a slight whimper escaped her lips. "Ow, ow, ow, ow!"

"Perhaps it would be better if you refrained from attacking the walls at this point in time?" Grimmjaw immediately froze as that annoyingly familiar voice filled the room. "It would save time not having to take you to the healers every time you did that."

"Fuck you, Halibel!"

Squirt.

"Gaaah! Stop that!" Grimmjaw quickly shook her head and growled back at the woman. "So what if I don't fit your perfect little ideal of what I should act like? I'm a guy, NOT a chick!"

"You _were_ a man." She countered, before pausing as she reached up, lightly tapping against the collar of her jacket. "Well, as close to one as an uncultured barbarian as you could be." The correction made Grimmjaw stiffen in anger even as the woman continued. "But, that was then. And according to Szayel, and even Aizen-sama, the change is quite permanent."

"Joy, just fu-… just wonderful." The teal haired woman snarled back as she glared at the woman and clenched her jaw tightly. "When I get my hands on those three…"

"Does being a woman truly bother you so very much?" Halibel arched a brow casually as she studied the other arrancar.

"They just went and TOOK it from me!" Grimmjaw snarled back at the woman. "They took it all from me! EVERYTHING I worked for, I fought for, bled for, lived for! All of it gone… why? Because I lead MY, MY fraccion in an expedition to test just how fucking right Uliquiorra's report was."

Halibel studied the woman in front of her, the anger, pouring off of her in waves as there almost seemed to be tears glistening in her eyes. "And what did you find out then, hmm?"

Grimmjaw ripped open her jacket and snarled back at the woman, displaying the jagged scar that ran down her chest and across her torso. "What does it look like? I found out that that emotionless shit didn't find out everything. Big fucking surprise there! That ryoka, as they call him? More to him than what that idiot thinks. Gaaaah! And now, I can't even finish our fight!"

"At least you're not upset about being a woman." Halibel muttered slightly and shook her head just a bit.

"What do I care about stupid shit like that?" Grimmjaw snorted softly and shook his head. "How many souls do we have inside of us? How many thousands of hollows? Not like they're all fuckin' male. Did I WANT to be a woman? Hell no! I liked my old body! But if that was all that it was, I wouldn't be this pissed!"

"Understandable." Halibel offered with a slight nod of her head. "And a surprisingly refreshing, if vulgarly presented observation." Pausing a moment, she then eyed the feline influenced arrancar critically. "Though, the first thing we need to work on… is your uniform."

"Halibel, if you even talk about it being indecent, I'm just going to point you to a damned mirror." Grimmjaw snapped back and crossed her arms about her chest.

"Hardly that." The blonde woman waved her hand casually and shook her head. "No, I was more referring to a more… flattering design. While tantalizing an opponent is a valuable tool in combat, your breasts bouncing everywhere will end up as much of a distraction for you as it will for them."

"Awww, shit." The former sexta Espada groaned as she figured out exactly what Halibel was getting at. "You're going to make me into your own private little fuckin' Barbie doll aren't you?"

"Of course not." Halibel shook her head with a snort before continuing as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "You're too butch to be a barbie doll."

-o-o-o-

"Why are we wasting our time with this… individual, Halibel-sama?" The Fraccion known as Sun-sun sniffed derisively behind her sleeve as she casually glanced down her nose at the seething Grimmjaw. "Surely our efforts would be wasted on this brute?"

"She's a freakin' waste of time you mean." The dual color eyed Apache agreed with a nod of her head and a snort of anger. "Why was Halibel-sama stuck with such a damned idiot?"

"Aren't you three supposed to be, you know, fuckin' helping me with a new outfit instead of jus' trying to piss me off?" Grimmjaw's growl burned into the air as her eyes flashed for a moment in emerald rage.

"And again, I don't see why we're wasting our time." Sun Sun huffed with a look of disdain on her face.

The third member of the fraccion had remained silent through the exchange, studying Grimmjaw's form before she would quietly pick up a high collared vest and a pair of pants similar to the one the former Espada had worn as a male. "Here, Grimmjaw-san, try this."

"At least one of you is worth a damn." Grimmjaw fought down her anger and gave Mila a grateful nod before she moved towards the room designated for changing.

The third member of the Tercera Espada's fraccion remained silent, looking as the still visibly steaming Grimmjaw stalked through the door before slowly shaking her head at her fellow fraccion. "You know… you two really should be more polite."

"Why? She's practically useless." Apache snorted softly as she shook her head. "Hell, she can't even release!"

"She can't right now." Mila-Rose slowly shook her head and sighed slightly as she glanced down at the downright livid Grimmjaw. "But you're both forgetting one thing."

"And that would be?" Sun Sun asked with a delicate arch of her brow as her sleeve covered her mouth again.

"Inside, is still the power of an Espada. And are you really willing to gamble on her NEVER learning how to release it again?" That said, Mila Rose turned her attention silently back to the door.

"... Fuck." Apache answered succinctly as her eyes grew wide in shock.

"Hmph... Halibel-sama will prevent that barbarian from..." Sun Sun answered dismissively before she was cut off.

"No, I won't." Halibel said simply as she materialized from a sonido next to Mila Rose.

"Halibel-sama..." Sun Sun faltered slightly at the coolly neutral gaze of her misTerceras, even as she couldn't restrain the slight widening of her eyes. "...Why?"

"I have no responsibility to protect you from your own foolish mistakes." Halibel answered simply as her eyes narrowed into slight slits. "Nor do I have any responsibility to let your insults against me slide."

"Insults against you, Halibel-sama?" Sun Sun's eyes widened in immediate denial as she rapidly shook her head. "Never!"

"Oh, and yet, what do you call assuming that my lessons will fail?" Halibel countered with a cool hiss of breath before turning her head to regard the reemerging Grimmjaw. "Hmm... Good choice, Mila."

"Thank you Halibel-sama." The tallest of the fraccion bowed to her misTerceras before turning her attention to the fallen Espada.

Grimmjaw had pulled the high, stiff collar up to brush against her cheeks as the flowing V of the edges exposed the now delicate curve of her throat and collar bone, and down, into a more than generous expanse of soft, flow cleavage cupped enticingly by the stiffer than it looked material. It draws together, a short distance below the lowest curve of her breast, the view tantalizing as one could almost see, easily imagine what lay beneath the tight ring that seemed to bind the top into place. Naked arms, had been covered in a pair of fingerless gloves rising up to the mid length of her lean biceps where a simple black line helped strap them into place.

"Not... bad." Grimmjaw admitted as she lightly shifted her legs in the loose, comfortable pants before bending backwards, putting a sudden pressure of the stiff, less than yielding material of her top. "I suppose I could get used to it."

"A bit more... provocative than I would expected you to be comfortable with." Halibel noted carefully as she arched a brow at teal haired arrancar.

"Heh... what, I thought you would appreciate the whole if you got it, flaunt it approach?" Grimmjaw shot back with a slight snicker and a shrug. "Not like I'm not used to showing off my fuckin' chest."

Squirt.

"Langauge, little kitten, language."

"Dammit! How many times I gotta tell ya? I ain't no fucking kitten!"

Squirt.

"We'll see, kitten, we'll see."

-o-o-o-

"This is bullshit." Grimmjaw glared at the new, smirking Sexta Espada as she angrily clenched her fingers around her zanpakuto.

For a moment, Halibel remained silent, studying her new colleague before she calmly nodded her head. "True enough. Brutish as you were, you at least had some reason to claim your arrogance. This Luppi... What Aizen-sama is thinking replacing you with this fool..."

"Hmph!" Grimmjaw almost pouted at the backhanded compliment as she narrowed her gaze at where Luppi was swaggering towards them. "Oh, great..."

"Well, hello, Ladies." A cocky smirk was plastered across his lips as he would cock his hips slightly to the side, resting his sleeved arm on them. "Going to congratulate me?"

As Grimmjaw began to growl low in her throat, Halibel placed her hand restrainingly on her shoulder and answered in a simple calm. "No."

There was a flash of a frown breaking Luppi's smirk as for a moment, a flicker of rage could be seen in those eyes. Then, it was gone a moment later as he just smirked back at the Tercera Espada. "Well all more the pity. And here I thought we could have had some... fun. In celebration."

"Beyond doubtful." The calm coolness in her voice made his eyse flash again with anger before he lightly shrugged it off and turned his attention to Grimmjaw.

"And our fallen Espada." Grimmjaw's hand tightened on her blade as Luppi let his eyes roam up and down along her body. "When you figure out it's futile for you to try and reach for your former position, let me know. I'm sure I can find a... position for you among my fraccion."

Grimmjaw's growl only grew before she could feel Halibel's hand tightening even further on her shoulder in warning. The blue haired woman stilled reluctantly, but her eyes burned as she watched her replacement smirk lecherously at her once more before turning and swaggering away. As a disgusted grimace blossomed across Grimmjaw's face, Halibel carefully relaxed her grip.

"I'm going to kill that fucker."

Halibel said nothing for a moment, before inclining her head in acknowledgment. "A more reasonable goal than some of your others."

Grimmjaw glared back at her as her throat rumbled once more. "You saying I should just let them get away with this shit?"

The blonde arrancar carefully arched her brow in silence, watching the way Grimmjaw seemed to twitch in irritation before speaking. "I was merely stating that it was a more reasonable to kill that one than to believe you can get away with killing Szayel, Nnoitra and Tousen on your own."

There was another pause as Grimmjaw opened her mouth to angrily retort, only to be cut off as Halibel continued. "Note, on your own. Not that you should let them get away with this 'shit' as you put it. It would be unreasonable for you to attempt it without allies."

Grimmjaw sulkily glared at her for a moment before crossing her arms about her chest. "Fine." She suddenly stiffened as she could feel the oily leering gaze of Luppi roaming over her body once more. "Please tell me I wasn't that bad."

"You weren't." She paused a moment, her head tilting to the side as she studied the relieved being next to her. "To be honest, you never seemed to show any interest what so ever in anyone other than your 'prey' as you called it. All male, I might add."

"Yeah, so?" Confusion rippled across Grimmjaw's face as she half matched Halibel's posture. "What's wrong with that."

"Nothing." Halibel responded as she turned and began to walk off. "I too, am rather appreciative of a fine specimen of masculinity."

For a moment, Grimmjaw stood there in confusion as she attempted to make sense of the woman's statement. Her eyes instantly widened as realization finally sunk in and her voice instantly rose as she started chasing after the woman. "HEY! I'm not gay!"

"Well, as you're female now... So..." There wasn't a single ounce of humor in that voice as the pair vanished down the hallways, and their voices faded into a muffled echo.

-o-o-o-

Sweat dripped off her skin as she glared impotently back up at the still pristine uniform of the Tercera Espada.

"Again."

Grimmjaw wasn't sure which it was that annoyed her the most as she launched into another heavy slash, trying to focus and guide her reiatsu through her limbs as she did so. The way Halibel didn't have so much as a scratch on her, or the absolutely bored monotone that the woman used after each and every failure. They'd been at it a month already, and still it was like grasping onto smoke.

It was there. She could feel, it almost tasting it. But it kept slipping through her fingers. Every time. "Dammit! What'm I missing?"

"Clarity perhaps?" Halibel effortlessly batted her strike with a bare hand, the impact sliding harmlessly off her heirro. "Hmm… Or perhaps something much simpler?"

"Simpler?" Grimmjaw frowned as she pulled back, narrowing her eyes into slit as she gripped tightly onto her weapon. "How?"

"It could, be, you're simply using the wrong set of instincts." Halibel crossed her arms below her chest and lightly arched her brow upwards as she then shrugged her shoulders.

"Wrong instincts?" Grimmjaw stared at the woman blankly. "What're you talking about? I've only got ONE set of instincts."

"You were the one who said that we all had souls and hollows of both genders inside of us. It could be that you've simply been so used to using the male ones, that you've forgotten to try and use the female ones."

"So, what, I need to get in touch with my inner woman?" The sarcasm dripped off of Grimmjaw's voice as she continued to glare up at the woman with a slight growl.

"To put it simply? Yes." The way Halibel said it so bluntly, made Grimmjaw blink a moment, before a frown marred the soft lips.

"Seriously? It can't be that... that simple!"


	40. BtVS: Winter in Court

Disclaimer: BtVS Belongs to Joss Whedon.

Author's Notes: In the silence of the whisper, it will be known.

And again, works in progress can be found at : .com/FanFictionFederation/index/

-o-o-o-

He could feel it there, resting comfortably against his ankle. The familiar, reassuring touch of worn, weathered hide and the feel of hard iron, warmed by the contact with his skin. A blade, jagged, and ugly in appearance, dark and horrid in purpose.

And as he sat there, staring across the slowly descending count of the bomb, staring into already dead, but seeing eyes, he couldn't help but feel a measure of contentment that should it end, here and now, it would have never found it's use fulfilled.

"I ain't afraid to die. I'm dead." Jack O'Toole declared with a simple assurance, smirking back at Xander as he held the massive knife with a familiar ease.

"Yeah, but this is different." There was a calm assurance in his voice as he stared back, knowingly into Jack's eyes. "Blowed up isn't walking around and drinking with your buddies dead. It's 'little bits swept up by the janitor' dead, and I don't think you're ready for that."

"Are you?" Jack shot back, as he saw the first flash of uncertainty gnawing behind those once dead eyes.

A smile, curled over his lips and he stared back. "I like the quiet."

There was nothing but calm in those eyes, a simple acceptance that sent a chill down Jack's spine as for a moment his eyes flashed to the bomb and widened in sudden realization. He was out of time. The knife was practically thrown away as he lunged away, and with a sudden, desperate force, ripped clean the green wire from the bomb.

"Good boy."

For a moment, Jack slumped, sighing in relief before he turns his head, staring back at him as he struggled to regain some measure of his control as he spoke again. "I don't think I wanna be seeing you around campus anymore, Jack."

Jack couldn't keep his eyes on his, feeling the strength just draining away as his face fell and his eyes met the floor. It took only a moment for him to turn away from Jack then. To quietly and calmly walk away through the doors that shut so easily behind him.

For a moment, he almost faltered, almost fell, but still he stood again, strength rising up before he straightened up, then Xander Harris stepped forward.

Giggle.

It echoed, faintly through the air, a sudden, airy, feminine sound. A child's sound, bouncing across the shadowed halls and rippling through the distance. A sound of joy and promise to be found in the darkness.

Instantly, he stood, just a little straighter, his dark eyes flashing open and quickly flashing around him. Silence now, but still he could feel it, the uneasy edge to the air, shattering the serenity he'd held only moments before. Fingers deftly slipped down, his body bowing as his hand in one fluid, familiar motion caught the hide bound hilt, and drew it up.

The next instant, it seemed to vanish, disappearing up his sleeve as he slowly glanced around.

Giggle.

He could feel it, echoing around him, dancing with the shadows that suddenly seemed just a little thicker. Ignoring the way they seemed to be shifting, almost writhing in ways that just weren't possible. Ignoring the way the seemed to eat up every single sound by the solitary steps of his footfalls, echoing in a way far, far too grand for what they could honestly release.

Giggle.

Another break in the silence, but still he paid it no head, forcing down the way the hairs on the back of his neck seemed to rise up. Fighting down the sudden, pounding pulse of his heart, leaping through his chest. Struggling to keep from letting the pure, black fear from coursing, thick and glistening through his, too small to contain it, veins.

He could feel the way he'd hastened his steps, and took another, slower, deeper breath, forcing it from his body, forcing himself to relax, forcing himself to calm. Fear wouldn't help, not here. Here, giving in, surrendering to it meant something else, and death would be a kindness compared to it.

Only, that calm control melted as he saw the double doors, half frozen in place in front of him, a gaping maw giving witness to a scene that sent a sudden sinking sensation, gripping tightly into his heart. With a sudden, surge of trepidation, his hand reached out, gripping onto the waiting edge of the door. A door that a part of his mind noted, felt unnaturally cool, and hot all in the same instant, as he slowly pulled it back.

And before him, the gaping maw of hell revealed itself in all it's hungering glory. The world around it, frozen in a state of churning chaos. Bodies, friends, demons, call caught, trapped in a moment, an instant in time around him as he slowly stared from face to frozen face, caught etched with the madness of desperation written on them..

"Mmm... such a beautiful sight, isn't it, little Al-ex-an-der?" Each little syllable of his name, drawn out, as if tasted as the words rippled through the otherwise stagnant, unmoving air. "All madness and chaos and uncertainty... Mixed with that heady sweet taste of oh so delightful terror."

It was a child's voice. A woman's voice. A mother's voice. A crone's voice. All those things, mingled into one as it slowly filtered through the air. Innocent, arrogance, confidant, wise, and vicious.

A voice that had haunted the dark corners of his dreams, where even his nightmares had feared to tread.

"What do you want." It came out harsher than he meant. Angrier too as it broke past his lips and rolled like an uncoiling serpent through the air.

"Want?" A pause, a pulse of so many, many things he couldn't begin to categorize them. Things he couldn't even comprehend as they fell past those phantom, unseen lips. "Such a curious word that... Al-ex-an-der... So full of things that turn upon themselves and run, round and about, over and over again."

"And that's why you're here isn't it?" It wasn't a question, they both knew that, even as the air giggled once more as the jaded rush of anger flitted through his words and he could feel the way it danced like a fire fly through the night all around him, giving him a brief, flickering flash of brilliant light calling out it's location, only to grow dark again and flit away an instant later.

"Mmm, why I'm here?" The question turned back against him, pulsing through the air as it turned and sudden stared back at him.

A sudden thought, flashed then through his mind, and with a slow, deliberate motion, he turned once, fully around. A full circle made, before he stared forward again. Straight into the only other pair of seeing eyes in the room.

"Do you know?" She was dressed in a deep, deep rich velvet, colored a shade any royal would turn with envy to possess, and yet, straddling so close to the depths of shadow. A dress, trimmed in lace, a shade darker than blood, and a shade richer than murder. A child's dress, hung on the elegant frame of a girl child of an age he couldn't tell.

"I asked, didn't I?" He met her eyes, a shade of black that so quickly bled into a bloody crimson, before swirling into violet hue that just as quickly, settled into an simple, electric blue where it stayed, seemingly content for the moment.

"A question, hmmm?" Pale, alabaster flesh drew back, as steel-grey lips fell to the touch of pure, snow driven white, glistening like the first, freshly melted flakes. "Are you asking me... a question, Al-ex-an-der?"

"No, I simply asked." It was a denial that would seem almost playful if it wasn't caught with the edge of anger and fear, with the fear almost winning against the bare constraints of control he held against it.

"So you did." She agreed, before moving, polished black shoes, plain and suddenly heels as the girl was suddenly a teen and slowly stalked around a particular frozen form, studying it with an oh so keen interest. "So, this is her, then is it?"

"Are you asking me a question?" He threw it back, almost word for word as his eyes flashed in their depths, burning with a sudden black, mirthless flame.

"Are you?" She countered, just as easily, as her finger slipped out, and slowly traced down the edge of her jaw. "Mmm... The one who stole you from me. The Slayer who took my Knight... and made him shine."

Silence met her as she stared down onto the blonde girl's frozen features, before following the way the moment offered a glimpse of fear, concern and suddenly shifted, appearing crouched down, as a crone, lightly hovering over another figure. "And yet, she throws her heart to this... Your Anointer, your namer, your thorn and your shadow. And she never knows how he failed where you couldn't."

The words, clutched in his throat, forced into a silent death as he refused to rise to her bait, refused to give into her jibes. He forced down the heady pulse that tore into him. He fought down the anger, the pain, and the resentment they both knew bubbled through his veins.

No, he wouldn't surrender that control, that calm. Not to her, not so soon after it had been won. So, instead he hung in silence, watching, waiting.

And then,she was at another, fingers wrapped about the waist, chin resting on the shoulder as her suddenly motherly face rested against the one etched in pain, fury, fear and defiance. "Or, perhaps this one? The one crying out into the dark? I can smell you on her... in her. She bears the touch of Winter in her blood, did you know that? Begging, craving to let loose."

When he again, held his tongue, she smiled, sweetly, motherly, hungrily back at him as she lightly trailed a finger down her cheek. "Could you taste it in her? As you entered her gates... opening herself to you... Surrendering to you, could you feel it? Even if she couldn't, even if she wouldn't, hmmm?"

She laughed then, suddenly the child once more before she almost skipped through the air, walking on the impossibly stilled air until she caught her wrists behind her back and peered down at another figure. "Mmm... Oh, how little do they understand. How little do they know. This one... She thinks she knows you. She thinks she can protect you. She thinks she understands what lurks in the dark."

A finger lightly turned through the frozen locks of auburn hair, strumming them like an instrument beneath her fingers. "If only she knew... Foolish, tainted little vessel. Already gone, festering and rotting. All the way down in her insides. You tried to warn her, but she wouldn't listen, would she? Just like the others, she just wouldn't see... And now Nimue's path calls her, and she walks it with wide, inviting, open arms."

He raised his head, jaw set and dark eyes firm as he met her eyes with his with out flinching. A blink was her only response, his silence seeming to feed the curiosity flashing in her eyes. And then, the Crone stood behind another, a soft cackle on time worn lips.

"This one though, serves no purpose, not now, and only in time." She paused lightly running a finger down one arm of the cringing figure before chuckling once more. "He means so little to you, cares nothing for you, sees nothing but the harlequin, painted and colorful as you dance in their court." There was a sudden flash, then she could feel her lips, cool and warm all at once pressed behind his neck. "You never danced for me... Now did you, Al-ex-an-der."

"You have enough fools in your Court as it is." It slipped past his lips, sudden, sharp and acidic as it tasted air, and he could feel the way her teeth brushed against his neck even as he struggled not to flinch.

"True... I suppose. But they were bells and whistles. The world itself, ripples with their passing, and I can hear the way everything they want screams out with such force... They try to hide it all from me..." She chuckled then, drawn back a moment, eyes glittering winter gems. "But you... you wore everything... plain and honest. You, my dark, traitorous little deceiver. My true little Winter Knight."

He almost balked at the purring affection in her voice as she spoke those words, the way she purred them, free of any anger or resentment, feeling the sudden, swelling fear sinking down his spine, as his stomach plummeted. Then, she pulled away, tearing the icy warmth from his flesh as he watched her, swift, and fleeting as she flitted between the veils until at last she stood, again in the form of the Mother, wrapped so casually against the final figure. Fingers playing down the blood slick face, glistening with sweat down to the broken length of his arm.

"And at last, we come to the prodigal. The fallen, the redeemed, the father and the fool." She lightly patted the man's cheek, almost fondly before she turned her head back at him, before chuckling ever so lightly. "Such an interesting little collection you've found yourself with, little Al-ex-an-der."

Silence again as he stared back at her, unflinching even as he felt the cold terror rushing down through his stomach. "The deal…"

"You should know, words and worlds are tricky, tricky little things." She chuckled softly, slowly, throatily as she slowly shook her head. "They can end… so easily, while no one notices… And in so many ways… not to mention, you never specified which world."


	41. Naruto: Genjutsu

Disclaimer: Naruto Belongs to Kishimoto

Author's Notes: An idea of a friend of mine's got stuck in my head and I decided to run away with it, since he seems to have done the same with one of my ideas.

His, had Naruto being inspired to learn genjutsu by a display from Kurenai.

Mine... well, guess.

-o-o-o-

The chill touch of the wind, curled over his skin as the child could feel the touch of the night sky brushing over his body as the full moon cast it's silvery light down from it's perch in the starry heavens. He crouched low, letting his form grip to the dark shadows cast the by swaying canopy of countless leaves overhead holding back the moon overhead. Catching it's reflection, brilliant blue eyes took a chance, staring up into the heavens above as small fingers reached upwards as if trying to grasp the moon from the sky.

"Have you come all this way, simply to grasp, pointlessly for the heavens?" The voice was cool, almost a monotone as it flitted like a ghost around him, each word, seeming to come from a different direction around him.

He froze then, his eyes widening, his hand flinching back, before there was another flash as moonlight caught again upon his eyes. "'S not pointless!"

"Do you ever catch it?" There was a flash of crimson, he caught sight of on the edge of his eyes before suddenly seeming to fade into darkness as the world suddenly seemed to grow darker around the haunting voice that echoed around him.

"I will." His voice was young, as eyes barely more than half a decade in age lifted up, staring into the heavens with an edge of determination in it.

"Will you now?" There was a hint of humor mocking back at him as a figure slowly stepped into view, like a wraith of living shadow save for it's blood red eyes.

"Y-y-yes, I-I will!" Fear gripped his voice then as the figure seemed to loom over him, standing like a creature born of of mortal nightmares as cold, bloody eyes stared down into his own blue orbs.

"And what will you do..." The voice rose again, as a hand lifted up, shadows crossing the sky before catching that silvery circle in thumb and finger, and plucking it into hand. "If I take it first, hmm?"

Eyes grew in size as the young boy watched the creature pluck the moon so absently from the sky, before fear and defiance found root and the voice leapt free from his throat. "NO!"

Suddenly he was launching himself forward, casting himself at the figure, throwing himself with a blind desperation as his fingers raised towards the shining silver sphere. Darkness rose, back to meet him, before suddenly exploding into a cawing murder of ravens that tore through the air around him. For an instant, he could see the pure, overwhelming brilliance of the moon, falling towards his hand, then, in an instant, the world seemed to stretch back out, and suddenly, it was as if there was an eternity between him and the object of his desires.

"Foolish little child, did you think it would be so easy?" There was a hint of cool mocking in that voice, as it echoed around him, as suddenly the boy was aware of the the looming ravens, clinging to the tree branches all around them as they stared at him with unblinking crimson eyes. "That you could simply reach up, and take it?"

"Give it back!" There was a panic in those eyes, as he whirled around, and the wold seemed to spin into a growing mix of black feathers, red eyes, and shining silver stars.

"Give it back? How can I do that?" The voice was mocking again, echoing, pouring through the air with a steady, probing pressure. "It was never yours to begin with."

"No!" It shone again, briefly in the air above him, before suddenly those ravens again took flights and the murder swarmed across it, burying it beyond his sight. "NO!"

"And you think that saying it, will make it so? Hmm?" There was a note of condescending almost amusement in that voice as it hissed as if from a thousand voices amidst the cawing cries of the ravens. "Who are you, boy, to think you have the chance to reach into the heavens and take it's great prize from it?"

"I'm me!" There was a note of steel in that boy's voice, even as he trembled, feeling the way the fear ground down into his very soul as the unblinking sea of crimson raven eyes staring back at him from where they covered the moon suddenly seemed to melt and flow into two pools. "I'm Naruto! REMEMBER IT!"

And from those pools, a four dots of inky darkness took shape in each. One in the center, and the others lazily spinning around it as they took the shape of black magatamas while they spun around the center. Eyes, he would slowly realize. Bloody red eyes marked with three tomoe each as they watched him with a cool indifference.

"Why? Why should I remember the name of a child, frozen in fear as he selfishly reaches for something forever beyond his reach?"

"I don't care what you say! I'll show you! I'll show everyone! I'll show them that _nothing_ is out of my reach!" There was fear in the voice, burning into the very core of the boy's being, but still, there was defiance in it, a touch of iron, waiting to be shaped and forged. "I won't let anyone stop me, not even a creepy tengu like you!"

There was another pause, as the boy could swear he saw those crimson eyes blink back at him, before suddenly the world around him bled away into an inky darkness, by a sea of crimson eyes. "Do you think that I'll be... impressed by empty promises?"

"They aren't empty!" Naruto glared now, feeling a bubbling rush of sensation, starting to grow inside of him, even as he suddenly flinched back as the darkness bled into the form of a figure, looming over his huddled form. His eyes forcibly averted, his words fell in a quiet murmur into the air. "I-I-I don't... don't break m-my promises!"

"Oh? Then you should be careful about giving them out, little boy..." The voice whispered now, before a chuckle rippled around him, echoing through the air as the vague, shadow form seemed to cock its head to the side. "Would you like to know... a secret, hmm?"

"I.. I... I w-want y-you to... to give m-me back the... the m-moon!" The boy answered back, struggling back against the suddenly oppressive, wave of promised violence that ground down into his legs, trying to drive him to his knees.

"And I told you... you can't give back what was never yours to begin with." The figure reprimanded again, before again, the voice was whispering down into his ear. "Now... do you want... to know a secret?"

"W-what kind... What kind of secret?" There was suspicion in those eyes as he watched the world seem to slowly fade back, leaving a figure, standing only so much taller than himself, half smiling down at him.

"That kind." The figure, the boy, Naruto realized now, lifted his finger and pointed up overhead, where again the moon shone so brilliantly overhead as his still crimson eyes swirled.

"B-bu-but! I-.. You-!" Naruto's eyes stared, wide eyed up at the boy, who managed a slight smirk back down at him.

"Mmm... did I?" And suddenly, the boy exploded into another murder of ravens, and again, Naruto was left alone, under the moonlight.

When Naruto returned home that night, he found, perched on his windowsill, a single scroll, with a raven's feather lain atop it.


	42. Naruto: 5 Kage Shuffle

Disclaimer: Disclaimer Naruto Belongs to Kishimoto and I will not continue this fic

Author's Notes: Look at the disclaimer. I wrote this to get it OUT of my mind, that's it, nothing more. It's basically through a series of insane events… yeah, just pure crack that I couldn't come up with a viable reason to actually write.

-o-o-o-

"Oh, are we late?" Kakashi Hakate blinked slightly as he stood next to Sasuke and slowly looked around the now glaring crowd with a tilting cant of his head.

"Mhm." Genma Shiranui agreed as he shifted his senbon around in his mouth. "Just a…"

Whatever else might've been said was cut off as suddenly the air in front of them was violently rent asunder. The very fabric of reality seemed to scream out in angry defiance against this violation as a wave of… something washed out across the stadium. For a moment, the wind seemed to howl, angrily, before just as suddenly it stopped.

Standing there, in the middle of the field, next to the jounin and genin, stood five figures. Five figures decked out in the formal robes of a Kage. Five figures, each wearing the hat of one of the five major hidden villages.

"… Hokage-san, I would like to, respectfully, point out, you screwed up." The calm voice of the man wearing the Raikage's robes noted with a note of almost amusement. "It would seem we arrived a bit… Late."

"Well, Raikage-san, considering who his jounin-sensei was, that's not too terribly surprising." The man in the Mizukage's robes noted with a rough chuckle.

"I would like to remind the two knuckle heads that I can still take them any day of the week." The man in the Hokage robes grunted sourly as he lightly glared over at the pair.

"Now, now…" The hulking figure in the Tsuichikage's robes spoke up quickly. "There's no need to get all worked up, we're all friends here, right?"

"Tsuichikage-san…" The Kazekage robed figure cut in, in a bland monotone. "Please do recall, it is Hokage-san and Mizukage-san."

"… Point, Kaze-kage-san." The Tsuichikage admitted.

"And I would like to remind the _other_ two knuckle heads I can kick their asses too." The Hokage muttered audibly as he shifted his glare onto the other two kages.

"Um… excuse me." Genma coughed softly as he glanced at the five figures. "But… what the _fuck?_"

"Indeed." There was a new voice speaking, as Hiruzen Sarutobi, Konoha's Third Hokage appeared, glaring dangerously at the five figures hands clasped behind his back. "As this is most assuredly not amusing."

"I don't know, I find it to be." The other figure in the Hokage's robes shot back with visible amusement in his voice. "What about you gentlemen?"

"Yup."

"Indeed."

"I have to say I concur."

"What they said."

"I don't." Another new voice spoke up, a hint of anger in it as the masked figure of the Fourth Kazekage spoke up.

"Well, you don't count." The other Kazekage cut in as he waved his hand dismissively. "You're just a snake bastard pretending to be a Kage."

"Pretending to be a Kage?" The figure of the Fourth Kazekage repeated incredulously.

"Aw, Kazekage-san, did you have to go and ruin the suspense?" The Hokage figure almost visibly pouted. "I mean, I wanted to embarrass them a bit before I unmasked Orochimaru."

"Orochimaru?" Sarutobi cut in as he stared from the figure next to him to the other five.

"Sorry." The complete lack of sincerity in the Kazekage's voice made the Hokage glare back at him.

"No you're not."

"Yes, I am. I'm completely and utterly repentant."

"I believe him." The Mizukage cut in, the smirk audible in his voice.

"He's convinced me." The Raikage agreed with a nod of his head.

"Um… I'm just gonna, ya know, abstain." The Tsuichikage spoke up tentatively as he glanced between the others.

"Majority vote wins." The Kazekage cut in with a note of smug finality.

"Jerks." The Hokage muttered softly.

"Orochimaru?" Sarutobi repeated as he cut back into the conversation.

"You know, crazy, pedophiliac mad scientist ex-student of yours?" The Hokage offered up blandly.

"Who are you people?" The Fourth Kazekage cut in, glaring at the five.

"Oh, I forgot the introductions, didn't I?" The Hokage figure spoke up with a bowing of his head before pushing back his hat to reveal sunny blond hair and sparkling blue eyes. "Sorry, sorry. Naruto Uzumaki, the Sixth Hokage."

"Gaara of the Desert." The Kazekage figure spoke up as he pushed back his own hat. "Fifth Kazekage."

"Neji Hyuuga." There was an audible blink as the figure of the Raikage pushed his own hat back. "Fifth Raikage."

Ignoring the dropped jaws that revelation brought about, the hulking figure spoke up as he pushed back his own hat. "Chouji Akimichi, Fourth Tsuichikage."

"Kiba Inuzuka, Um Sixth I think, Mizukage." The last figure offered up as he pushed back his own hat before blinking at Naruto. "It was Sixth, wasn't it?"

"You're asking me?" Naruto offered back, staring at the man incredulously.

"Well I thought you might know." Kiba shrugged his shoulders before rubbing his chin a bit. "So, who called snake face again?"

"I did." Gaara spoke up as suddenly sand had sprouted up around the stunned figure of the fourth Kazekage. "Desert…"


	43. Naruto: Cloud9?

Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Kishimoto

Author's Notes: Because I actually really do like Neji, despite what I did to him in BS. No, this won't be continued. It's just something I wrote for schnitz and giggles.

-o-o-o-

There was a dull pulsing stab echoing behind his eyes as Neji Hyuuga slowly returned to the world of the living in a crash of throbbing pain when he opened his pearly white eyes. Instantly screwing them shut once more, he let out a low groan, hissing groan of pain as he let himself settle back into the bed. As vague recollections of the night before assaulted his mind he was, above all else, brought to face a singular, and all together frustrating image.

Naruto Uzumaki, in all his smiling, undeniable glory, pushing bottles of sake into his hand as he told him to relax. Relaxing around Kumo Nin. Right. Like that was going to happen.

But, the boy just wouldn't listen to him. There had been some vague murmurings about an Uchiha being responsible for killing his parents, but you didn't seeing him hating the whole clan just because one of them was an asshole. Then there was something added about even if the whole clan were assholes too.

Why couldn't that damned bastard let him at least enjoy some of his righteously earned anger! Did he have to beat every single last bit of it out of him? There was a pause again, as Neji mentally reviewed those words. He was Naruto, of course he did.

Grumbling softly, he shifted just a bit, before frowning slightly as he risked cracking an eye open once more. Wait. This didn't look like his hotel room.

"Mmm, dammit it's too early to get up, come back to bed."

Neji froze stock still as he heard the voice, even as he felt the smooth, silky flesh of an arm wrapping about his waist, even as a well calloused, feminine hand, pulled him back down into the bed.

Very, very slowly he turned his head, and stared at the blonde haired young woman whose arm was wrapped about his waist. A blonde haired, naked young woman who's arm was wrapped about his equally naked waist. Quicker than he thought possible turned his head away to the other side of the bed, only to feel his eyes widening in shock.

There was another young woman in it, one with fiery red hair, and chocolate hued skin, with her back turned to him for the moment. With the same kind of exquisite stretch of time experienced when one watches a fire technique blasting towards its helpless target the realization was made. Cream skinned blonde, chocolate skinned red head. Kumo.

He was in bed with a pair of Cloud kunoichi! He was naked in bed with a pair of Cloud kunoichi! He was… He paused, eyes widening even more as he suddenly felt that hand slip down past his waist to grab hold of something that most definitely didn't react well to rough treatment.

" Erk."

"Mmm, well now…" The voice was a low, throat purr as it left the woman's lips, even as he could feel the way she was pressing more closely up against him. "Seems like someone's ready for the next round… If we're careful, we might not even wake up Karui…"

"…" Neji was torn, viciously between two warring thoughts. On one hand, a very, very attractive girl was doing very, very enjoyable things to his 'little' friend. On the other, she was a member of the one village he actually despised.

"My, suddenly shy all over again?" She purred out as she nipped lightly on his arm. "You certainly weren't last night…"

"… I was drunk." He ground out as he clenched his eyes, tightly shut as vague flashes of memory assaulted his mind. "Very, _very_ drunk."

"Oh, he speaks!" She smirked again, but made no move to relinquish her grip on him. "And we weren't?"

"Not on the level I had to be willing to sleep with the likes of you." Neji finally hissed back as he fully opened his eyes and glared angrily back down at the woman with furious white eyes.

"… Oh, fuck. You're a Hyuuga." The woman's grip immediately dropped off of him in shock as she stared up at him in disbelief, before suddenly bursting out laughing. "Oh…. Oh…. This is… oh gods! HAHAHAHAHA-! ERK!"

The laughter was cut off as immediately the young woman felt the almost feather light strike against her neck, before her whole body went completely limp. Neji wore a look of smug satisfaction as he stared back down at her for only an instant before he felt the cold touch of steel at his neck. Then the another, harder, angrier voice hissed into his ear. "You had better pray what you just did isn't permanent, pretty boy."

"Or else?" There wasn't even a tremor of fear as Neji's eyes stared forward, thick veins bulging out where the woman behind him couldn't see.

"Or else, good fuck or not, I cut your throat and watch you bleed out." The woman growled back at him.

"Tell me, how much do you know about Hyuuga? Hmm?" Neji seemed to ignore the blade completely as he continued to stare forward, watching the look of confusion crossing the blonde woman's features.

"What the fuck are you talking about, pretty boy?" The voice growled back at she pressed the blade edge more tightly against his skin.

"Skilled Hyuuga, specifically of the Main branch, are able to release the chakra out of their chakra system. Generally it's used in a move called the Kaiten." Neji paused a moment, before his lips quirked slightly. "Sadly, I was born into the Branch house."

"And you suck at bluffing." The woman behind him growled.

"When I was thirteen…" The blonde's eyes widened at the cold smirk that grew upon Neji's lips, before suddenly an explosion of chakra ripped out of his body, blasting the woman backwards, and the blade away from his skin. Along with the blonde woman's limp body, and destroying the bed beneath them. "I taught myself how to perform it."

He nimbly dodged the sword that cut into the bed he'd been on only moments before as the red headed woman swore at him. As his brow arched up, he couldn't help but feel his lips quirk as a comment came unbidden past his lips. "My… how… unyouthful."

"We'll see how youthful you are when I carve you to little bloody chunks!" The woman snarled back she quickly increased the speed of her swipes.

"Hmph, as if a weakling like you could hope to…" Neji countered back before his face was slammed into the ground by a blow to the back of his head.

"Oi! Quit trying to cause trouble, Neji!" A pair of blue eyes shone as a blonde young man stood over the fallen Hyuga with a grumble. "I swear, I can't take you anywhere!"

"… Naruto." Neji gritted out before rolling to his feet and glaring at the blond man. "I'm going to kill you, you know that right?"

"Please, remember who it was that beat whom last time?" Naruto scoffed for a moment before glancing at the limp blonde girl before crossing his arms about her chest. "Fix her."

"No."

"No?" Naruto arched a brow back at him.

"No." Neji agreed stubbornly with a half growl directed back at him.

"Ok." Naruto just _smiled _back at Neji in a way that instantly made the Hyuuga want to run for the hills and never look back.

"Ok?" The woman who'd held Neji at sword point only moments before spoke up in audible outrage.

"Yup, Ok." Naruto agreed with a nod of his head. "I'll just go get Sakura-chan to do it." Naruto paused a moment, letting the words sink in before he continued quite happily. "Of course, then she'll have to go and tell Granny all about it, you remember Granny, don't you, Neji?"

At Neji's stiff nod, Naruto nodded his head happily. "Good good. You see, she's been wanting to start up a day care service, and she's been really, really debating about pulling some Hyuuga into helping out with it. Personally, I think you'd be a hit."

"You wouldn't."

"I'm sure Super-Bushy-Brows would be happy to let her borrow you too!" Naruto went on as if he hadn't heard a word he'd said. "It would be a most youthful undertaking after all! And then Bushy-Brows would have to get in on it… And you know how _he_ gets with new experiences."

"You couldn't."

"Then, of course, I'd have to explain to Hinata why you're being punished. Including what lead up to the whole thing."

"You can't!" A tone of desperation cracked into Neji's voice as his eyes widened in no small amount of panic.

"I'm sure she'd be oh, oh so… disappointed in her big brother."

"You evil, perverted bastard." Neji hissed out as he glared at Naruto before stalking over to the downed blonde girl pushing at her neck a bit harder than he really had to and then stalking back. "There, are you happy now?"

"No, not really." Naruto stated blandly as he purposely didn't look below Neji's waist. "You're still not wearing any pants."

"I'm not complaining." The blonde girl managed to croak out as she pushed herself up unsteadily.


	44. Naruto: True Power

The True Power of...

Author's Notes: Yeaaaaaaaah... The power of the crack is strong within me.

-o-o-o-

"Ok, everybody, leave this to me!" Naruto almost shouted, a smirk plastered on his face as he bounced up to the front of the battle field.

"What, you think you can suddenly beat me, dobe?" Sasuke smirked back at Naruto, smugness rippling off his features.

"Believe it!" Naruto agreed, fist clenched in front of him, giving Sasuke a glimpse of the massive, and gaudy ring, studded with rhinestones on its top.

"Oh? Now, not only are you and idiot, but you've stuped to wearing shitty jewelry as well?" Sasuke snorted dismissively as he slowly pull out his blade. "I'll be doing you a favor when I cut you down."

"Ha!" Naruto grinned back at the other teen, as he claspsed his hands pointedly over his crotch. "Your jutsus, your sword, your sharingan... none of them are a match, for my... SCHWARTZ!"

Instantly a thick, pulsing beam of powerful, mighty orange erupted from the ring, sprouting out to a most impressive length from where his hands clasped together. Sasuke stared at the display for a moment, before sneering back at his former teammate. "What, you think so flashy wanna be raijin is going to defeat _me_?"

Before he could move, Sasuke suddenly felt a hand, clamping down on his shoulder, as Madara suddenly materialized into place. "No, Sasuke. He is too powerful for you now."

"... It's a stupid orange light, coming out of an even stupider ring." Sasuke stated flatly, only to immediately let out a shrieking scream as he quickly cupped his crotch, trying to block the red beam of light running from Madara's suddenly visible and glowing ring.

"Fool! You underestimate the power of the Schwartz!" Almost sneering back at the boy, Madara turned his head and stared back at Naruto. "I see Yogurt has found himself a new apprentice."

"Wait, how do you know about Yogurt-sensei?" Naruto faltered slightly as he watched Sasuke so casually defeated by the masked man's Schwartzing might.

"Because, he was known to _my_ sensei!" Madara suddenly waved his hand over his face and transformed. "For, I am Dark Mask! Student of Dark Helmet!"

And suddenly, he was standing before them, his mask three times the size it had been previously as it's massive orange swirl bore down on Naruto. A smirk in his voice he clasped his hands before him, in a pose matching the teen's. "And now, you will face the might, of MY Schwarz!"

It erupted, in a sparking shower of crimson, and throbbing with the awesome power of the Schwartz.

"... That's it?" Kakashi couldn't help but note from the sidelines as he stared incredulously at the crimson blade. Naruto's was at the very least, the full length of a Katana blade. Madara's however, could only, if one was being generous, be dubbed a wakazashi.

"It's not about the size of the schwartz, it's how you use it!" Madara insisted.

Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Kishimoto; Spaceballs belongs to the far superior Mel Brooks.


	45. Naruto: Resurrection in D Minor

Resurrection in D Minor

Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Kishimoto. This is purely an exercise in creativity and practice

Beneath the flickering surface of a massive purple box, Hiruzen Sarutobi, Third Hokage of the village of Konoha stared in horror at the sight before him. Stepping out of two of three, stood his teachers, the First and Second Hokages, Hashirama and Tobirama Senju, their bodies ashen and cracked, like corpses. Behind them, leering eagerly at the aged leader, was his former student, the snake-like Orochimaru.

"So, this kid managed to pull off that technique of mine, huh, Saru?" Tobirama canted his head lightly to the side, studying Orochimaru with sunken eyes set in cracked, ashen skin. "Friend of yours?"

"My former student, sensei." Sarutobi admitted reluctantly as he half bowed his head.

"Yes, and as much as I find this such a wonderfully reunion between you dottering old fools, this is a battle." Orochimaru chuckled darkly as he smirked back at the Hokages, two tagged kunai slipping down into one hand.

"Mah... such an impatient student you have, Saru." Tobirama noted almost boredly as his fingers twitched unnoticed at his side. "Still, rather impressive what he's done... Still, does he even know what he's doing?"

Next to him, the similarly desicated form of his brother merely arched a brow in silence as Orochimaru and Sarutobi both faltered slightly.

"I can assure you, I do..." Orochimarue's eyes narrowed into twin slits as he glared back at the almost bored look the Second Hokage seemed to convey. "Or do you think that your presence here is mere coincidence?"

"There have been stranger things that have happened." Tobirama nodded his head in agreement. "Quite possible that you were trying for something completely different and you're very, very good at recovering."

Orochimaru managed to keep his flinch annoyance to the barest of ripples across his features as his lips curled back into a snarl. "Yes, of course, and the fact that I'm quite ready to restore you to your true forms and send you into battle?"

"Ah, then I suppose you do have a fairly strong grasp of the technique. I assume you went and set up appropriate measures against its dangers?" Tobirama answered back as his lips quirked slightly upwards.

"Dangers?" Orochimaru smirked softly as he casually drew his fingers up, lifting the sealed kunai in hand. "Really, do you think you're senile prattling would distract me, old man?"

"No." Tobirama shook his head, before pausing slightly. "There is a very, very real danger to this technique. Do you know what that is?"

"Hmph." Orochimaru snorted disdainfully once more as he half glared back at the former Hokage, the kunai in his hand momentarily forgotten. "And I suppose you're going to enlighten me then?"

"Well, it's really quite simple." Tobirama smiled back at the sannin as his fingers finally went still. "You can go and raise someone who knows infinitely more about this technique than you."

"So he can what, blather on and on before I turn him into my little puppet and use him to destroy what he helped create?" There was that familiar smirk of amusement, curling over the paled faced man's lips as he continued that angry glare back at the grey haired man.

"No, that was just the distraction." Tobirama admitted, smiling slightly as Orochimaru's eyes widened in realization just a moment too late as he slammed his hand down onto the ground in front of him. "So he can turn it around for his own purposes."

There was a sudden explosion of smoke, filling the air, as Orochimaru leaped backwards out of its way, cursing loudly as he landed with no small amount of irritation written on his features. "Damned annoying old corpse!"

"Wow." The voice was muffled lightly as it left the rapidly clearing smoke, before revealing a sight none of the onlookers were expecting. "Now that was a rush."

Standing there, his lips quirked in amusement, was a completely rejuvenated Tobirama Senju. A completely rejuvenated, 14 year old Tobirama Senju who was grinning back at another, still smoke clouded figured. "Ha! It actually worked!"

"... Tobi..." The muffled voice held an audible tone of irritation through the smoke.

"Err, yes, Hashi?" That tone immediately made the reborn Hokage shift, nervously backwards as the smoke finally cleared, to reveal a similarly reborn, 14 year old Hashirama Senju, with one, minor, change.

A 14 year old, visibly _female_ Hashirama Senju. "... Why am I a girl?"

"Errr..." Tobi offered hopefully as he jerked his thumb over at the gawking Orochimaru. "He used a girl to summon you back, sooooo..."

"... You do realize I'm going to kill you for this, yes?" Hashirama stated with a cold, blunt tone in her voice, before blinking slightly and canting her head to the side. "... And why do I hear a girl throwing a fit?"

"Huh, guess she was a bit further from death than the one he used for me." Tobirama shrugged again before grinning back at Hashirama. "But look on the bright side! We're alive again!"

"... You mean, alive again, instead of enjoying my nice, calm, relaxing afterlife with my _wife_?" Hashirama answered back as she slowly enunciated the last word. "You remember Mito, don't you?"

"Um, she was rather difficult to forget, yes." Tobirama agreed with a reluctant nod of his head while shifting nervously about.

"Good, I'm sure she'll be absolutely delighted you remembered her." There was a grim set to the girl's lips as she crossed her arms about her chest. "Especially once we die, _again._"

"Not if we straighten little Tsu-chan out and help out that Uzumaki kid!" Tobirama quickly back pedaled as he held his hands up defensively in front of him. "I mean, think about how she'd react if we _didn't _do anything to help them!"

"Ahem." Sarutobi coughed softly to draw the Hokage's attention back to him. "Excuse me, Sensei, but there is still a fight going on."

"He's your student, you deal with him." Tobirama waved his hand dismissively. "We're busy right now."

Orochimaru couldn't help but stare at the pair of legends that had, until moments ago been his trump card in what was meant to be the final battle against his mentor. A psychological and strategic edge that would guarantee his victory. Only, somehow, things had terribly horribly wrong.

"Yes, but _all _of Konoha is under attack, and the longer it goes on, the more damage the village will suffer..." Sarutobi couldn't help but stare back at his former teachers, and the sheer... irresponsibility they seemed to be exuding.

"You mean, the Konoha that made the last scion of our most steadfast of allies into a pariah?" Hashirama's new voice dripped with acid as she turned her eyes fully onto Sarutobi and _glared _at the man. "You remember the Uzumaki clan, don't you, Sarutobi? My _wife's_ clan?"

"Or, hey, let's talk about how he's been protecting this village just like his mother and my sister-in-law did for how long again?" Tobirama cut in as he crossed his arms about his chest and glared as well at his student. "We didn't found this village just so people could spit on the memories of those that helped make it what it is."

"Let's not forget he's the son of a Hokage." Hashirama agreed with a nod of her own as her glare only intensified in strength. "You remember him, don't you? Minato Namikaze? The man that sacrificed his very soul to protect this village? And how do you honor his sacrifice?"

"So you're just going to let Konoha burn?" Sarutobi shot back with a glare as his own eyes narrowed. "Let _him_ and the people he cares about burn?"

"Ugh, monkey boy has a point." Tobi muttered slightly as he still half glared at his old student. "I suppose we should…"

"Fine." Hashi grumbled as she quickly made a series of hand signs then slammed her palm against the roof top.

Instantly, the wood release erupted at the four corners of the purple barrier, grabbing hold of each of the Sound Four, as suddenly they vanished from sight, and with it, their technique faltered. Orochimaru's eyes narrowed into slits as he hissed quietly, then quickly darted back, narrowly avoiding the blast of water crashing towards him from Tobirama. When he settled again on his feet, he glared back at his former teacher.

"You've managed to put off your death a little longer, sensei. But, only a bit." And with that, he was racing away, retreating into the distance.

"We'll deal with him another time, Hashi." Tobi grumbled before glancing over at his brother, or was it sister now, he wasn't sure.

"Fine, let's go make sure the boy is safe." With a grunt the girl launched herself off of the roof and began to race towards the distance where they could see the gigantic demon tanuki.

"Well, have fun mopping up around here, Saru." Tobi offered cheerfully, before pausing just before he could jump off. "We'll talk about how you… misplaced my sword later."

Sarutobi palmed his face with a sigh, before suddenly he was surrounded by ANBU. "Hokage-sama, your orders?"

Shaking his head, the old man grunted only for a moment before looking around his village. "Capture as many as you can, kill the ones you can't."

-o-o-o-


	46. HP: Explorations

Insert Title Here

Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling.

Author's notes: I write this, because I've read several stories that revolve around Harry heading out into the world via a variety of different media, and well… I got ideas on how to do it better.

-o-o-o-

Bill Weasley frowned for a moment as he stared down at the cards in front of him, then at the terribly diminished stack of chips in front of him, before finally at the visibly smirking goblin sitting proudly in front of him. Then, he again glanced down at his cards, before he spoke. "You sure you want to do that?"

The figure simply snorted and sneered back at him as it puffed itself up. "What's the matter, wizard too hot for your tastes?"

The question wasn't whether or not he could win. It was more whether or not he was going to let his pride win out over his common sense. Winning that much, against ones superiors at Gringotts was suicide if you were a goblin, and career suicide if you were one of their human employees.

"Ha, a Weasley after all! Not enough of a spine to make a little gold!" The goblin sneered back at the man as it made to reach for the gold on the table.

"All in." Those two words cut off the goblin, making the creature freeze, then smirk as he leaned back into his seat as Bill pushed the remainder of his gold forward into the pile.

"Humph! As much of a fool as your father." The goblin spat back triumphantly as it matched his money. "And as much of a sucker!"

"That remains to be seen, now doesn't it." Bill shot back as he narrowed his eyes and stood up a little straighter as suddenly the goblin scowled as it was forced to look _up _at the tall wizard. "Or are you often in the habit of counting your winnings before you've actually won them?"

The room stilled as the goblin's eyes widened as a hiss of breath left the goblin's mouth as it glared back at the man, before almost viciously throwing down his cards with a snarl. "Does it look like I'm counting my winnings before I've won, _boy_?"

"Yeah, it does." Bill shot back at the goblin as he lay his own cards down for all to see.

The shocked hiss of surprise that left that left the mouths of those around him as they glanced from Bill's hand to the goblins before their audibly sucked in a breath.

"Wha, but… how…?" Shock flashed across the goblin's eyes before it immediately flushed and darkened as the implications of what he'd said earlier sunk in. "You… you…"

"Win." Bill supplied simply as he stared back at the goblin almost defiantly, even as he made no move to pull in his winnings.

"Impossible!" The goblin hissed out as he glared at the man. "You….!"

Wordlessly, Bill stood up, carefully and purposely removing his dragon hide jacket, turning it inside out for all to see before almost throwing it down on the table. His shirt followed in similar fashion a moment later, leaving him bare chested before them all. Then his wand fell onto the top of the small pile and he sat back down, arms crossed about his chest as he stared, steely eyed back at the goblin.

Its fingers twitched slightly as it stared back at the pile, the conflict visible in his eyes, before finally, reluctantly he looked away, muttering under his breath. The spell seemingly broken, Bill reached out, pulling her shirt once more over his chest, before his jacket and his wand followed suit. A moment later, he very, very carefully and quietly pulled back his winnings, then glanced around the table questioningly as he again took his seat.

When he watched the various other participants pulling their gold off the table, he nodded his head in acceptance. Pocketing his own, he slowly stood back up then nodded to the various players. Finally, his eyes came to rest on the still visibly seething form of his boss. There would be hell to pay for this, he was sure of it. That was what kept the smile from curling over his face as he watched the creature stew.

There would be hell to pay, but for now, he would savor the brief moment of victory he knew would be all too fleeting.

-o-o-o-

It was even more fleeting than he thought. He'd barely left the gathering, when he'd been approached by a sneering goblin who'd promptly stripped him of most of his security passes. Dropped down to a level beneath even most of the probationary hires Gringotts had hired fresh out of school.

He'd stood there, accepting it with a kind of stunned bewilderment. He hadn't expected the hammer to fall this fast, this hard. But still, he made no protest, gave no resistance. He would endure, and he would rise back up the ranks once more.

One measly hand of poker wasn't going to stop him.

That's what he told himself, three months later when he was shoveling dragon dung in the darkest depths of Gringotts, barely making enough to survive from one paycheck to the next. He continued to tell himself another three months after that, when he was oiling down the cart axles and gears. Another three, and he'd reached the point where he began to search out for other, more gainful employment.

It was then he discovered just how truly vengeful, and influential that goblin had been. No one would touch him. No one would even look at his applications, not once they saw the name attached to them. Bill Weasley had become a pariah no one wanted to touch. No one except Gringotts itself.

Despair struck, before finally, it gave way to a crazy, mad possibility that just might work.

-o-o-o-

"You know, this isn't going to work." Zachariah Greengrass noted almost blandly as he glanced over at the thoroughly determined look on Bill Weasley's face as the man poured over the roster in front of him. "There hasn't been a new permit issued in the better part of a century. Gringotts bought up most of them, and those it didn't… Good luck finding one that is willing to help you finding a new one."

"And what, you expect me to sit around, doing nothing as that damned goblin keeps ruining my life?" Bill growled back as he glared at the apathetic, older man. "I couldn't even go on the bloody family trip last year because I couldn't afford the time off!"

"You were the one that brought it on yourself." Zachariah pointed out in that same, almost bland tone as he wrote on a piece of parchment. "I suppose you might find one or two forgotten little permits for some minor sites, but nothing really worth the price of travel. Almost everything belongs exclusively to Gringotts these days. There hasn't been a free… 'gentlemanly explorer' in close to a century. The last that I recall mentioned died rather messily and his son refused to have anything to do with the business there after."

"Was the permit revoked?" Bill asked suddenly as his eyes sparked the light of desperation.

"I… am not sure." Zachariah admitted with a frown before sighing a bit as he shifted about and pulled out a book, before murmuring over it. "Open permits, non-Gringotts affiliated."

"… If you could do that to start off with, why the bloody hell have you been having me go through these boody things?" Bill stared back at the man, a spark of anger blossoming in his eyes.

"You didn't ask." There was a faint glint of amusement in Zachariah's eyes as he responded, before carefully running his finger down the page. "Hmm… Yes, it is still active. Seems to be one of the few full, hereditary permits left that Gringotts hasn't managed to get their hands on."

"Who?" There was that desperation again, flashing in those eyes as Zachariah glanced back at him and shrugged in response.

"I hardly think it matters. Even if he was so inclined the remaining heir is underage." Zachariah shrugged a bit as he began to close the book once more.

"Wait, did they ever repeal, um… what was it…" Frowning quickly, Bill pulled out one of the parchments before scanning down it, then pushing it aside for a number of others when he pulled it up triumphantly. "Section, umm…. 48 Subsection B? Or did they amend it?"

"Of the original statute?" Zachariah frowned a moment as he pulled out another book, muttering the clause name over it before cracking it open. As he continued to read, his eyes steadily grew wider and wider, until he looked up and stared back at Bill.

"Well? Is it still…?"

"It is." Zachariah stared at him, in sheer disbelief before he quickly sobered his features with a shake of his head. "But he'd have to go with you. And that's not that likely to happen considering who it is."

"He'd be exempt from the standard restrictions on his magic." Bill countered back before frowning a bit. "But, enough of all that, who is he then?"

"Harry Potter." Zachariah countered back with a consoling smile back at the man. "So, good luck getting him to… What's so funny?"

" HAHA! Harry…oh, it just bloody figures! HAHAHAHAHA!" Bill slowly wiped the tears from his eyes, before smirking even broader as he nodded his head back to Zachariah. "Oh, this… this is just… perfect!"

"Ah, do I need to contact St. Mungos to tell them you've gone round the bend?" Zachariah asked as he glanced apprehensively towards the documents littered around the man. "I've heard they've got some very accommodating rooms for those that have."

"No, not just yet… not just yet." Bill grinned back at the man, before pausing a moment, and frowning slightly. "Hum, still gotta find some sites…"

Looking at Bill oddly for a moment, the man finally shrugged his shoulders and glanced back at the first book. "Well, the Potters do have exclusive rights to a number of sites for the next… hmm… 30 years unless renewed? Should be listed with the permits and what not." There was a pause, before the man shook his head again. "Which you'll need if you're going to do anything."

"Well, the Ministry would have them on file, wouldn't they?" Bill answered back.

"And again, you'd need the boy for anything like that."

"Well, we'll just have to see what I can do, won't we?" Bill suddenly set his lips in a determined look before walking purposely out of the archive room.

It was only once the man had moved well past the door's threshold that Zachariah blinked and frowned. "… He could have at least cleaned up."

-o-o-o-

"Ah, if it isn't our prodigal eldest brother, returned back to his humble home at last!"

Bill wasn't sure which of the twins that was greeting him upon his arrival at the Burrow but he couldn't help but twitched slightly as the other picked up where the other left off before he could make a comment.

"Indeed it is, oh brother mine! And looking so very determined! Makes one wonder just what it is he might be here for, doesn't it?"

When his wand was suddenly in his hand, both twins blinked slightly as Bill smiled, sweetly at the pair. "Now, before I begin, I want to remind you lot who's the one that doesn't have to worry about Underage Magic restrictions. Do I need to go any further, or shall I remind you both _why _I was Head Boy?"

"I do believe our esteemed eldest brother has a point." One of the twins noted as they looked warily back down the length of the wand.

"I think he has a nasty curse or two, too." The second agreed quickly.

"Good." The wand was gone and suddenly Bill was all smiles as he slung an arm over each of their shoulders. "Because I need a bit of help from my two favorite mischief makers."

"Who would-"

"-That be?"

"Funny." Bill smirked a bit, even as he tightened his grip on their necks. "Now, are you two going to help out your big brother or not?"

"What do-"

"-You need?"

"What can you tell me about Harry Potter?"

-o-o-o-

Bill stood on the sidewalk, a disillusionment charm cast over his form as he watched Number 4 Privet Drive with a kind of wariness. He'd watched, just a few minutes earlier as a horse-faced woman, a walrus-like man and a child that could only be their disturbing off spring had piled into one of those muggle contraptions his father was so fond of, then zoom off down the road. All without a single sign of Harry Potter himself.

The whole while, he'd been studying the house, his eyes glowing a particular shade of white as the wards written about the property lit up with a warm, pulsing series of glows and symbols. They seemed benign enough, concealment and redirection more than anything, as well as a number of protections against those meaning harm to the family within. On top of that, there was a notification ward lined almost invisibly around the edges of the property line.

Bypassing just that one particular ward, and doing so only temporarily would be simple enough, as long as he didn't trigger any of the others. The way it was designed, as long as they held no ill intent towards the family inside, a skilled cursebreaker could enter and leave the property undetected. Fortunately, while a bit rusty, he was indeed such a cursebreaker.

Moving his wand in a few, precise motions, he smiled as the notification ward quivered a moment, then went still and inactive. At least temporarily.

For a moment, he stared at the door, consideration, before quietly walking up to it, and with a silent unlocking spell, carefully entered the home. For a moment, he stood there, just inside the door, studying the home. With a twitch, he couldn't help but make a quick face of displeasure. "Well, this is just… Ugh."

Shaking his head he looked around, for a moment, before carefully speaking up a bit louder than before. "Um… Harry?"

There was a quite thud upstairs, before a tentative voice warily called out. "… Who's there?"

"It's Bill. Bill Weasley. Ron, Fred and George's brother?" He couldn't help but feel a little silly at this as he glanced around. "Could you come out?"

"… Not really." There was a bit of bitterness in that muffled voice he was gathering came from upstairs. "They locked the door."

"Err. Which door was it then?" Bill immediately bit down on the surge of temper that wanted to break into his mind. Tripping the wards would be a bad, _bad_ idea in this particular case.

"Upstairs, the one with all the locks on the door. Can't miss it." Harry's muffled response came back as Bill unconsciously nodded his head then quickly bounded up the waiting stairs until he searched around and located the door in question.

Moving up to it, he tapped his wand against the door with one, tap, and a burst of magic forced the locks to all click open. Pausing the moment before he took hold of the door, he shifted about nervously. "Err… you wanna come out, or should I come in?"

Slowly, the door was pulled back, as Harry carefully peaked out around its edge to glance up at the red headed figure on front of him. Feeling suddenly self conscious, Bill half lifted his hand up. "Lo, it's, err, nice to finally meet you?"

"Um, yeah... What're you doing here? Did something happen to Ron, or...?" There was a sudden hesitation in Harry's voice as if he was about to say something else, before quickly thinking better of it.

"Oh, no, nothing like that!" Bill quickly shook his head and raised his hands with a shake of his head. "Everything's fine as far as I can tell."

"Then, um, no offense, but why're you here?" There was a note of slight wariness in Harry's voice as he eyed the man carefully.

"Well, to be perfectly honest? I need your help with something." Bill answered back with a half grin on his lips.

Harry's emerald eyes blinked, then blinked again, before he simply stared back at Bill, mouth half hung open as he responded. "Me? What could _I_ help you with?"

"Well, you see..." He paused there, before grimacing visibly. "It's a long story, revolving around how I did something I really, really shouldn't have, which got me into a bit of a sticky wicket."

"What'd you do?" That wariness was back in Harry's voice as his fingers suddenly gripped tightly on the door. "And what's it got to do with me?"

"I beat one of the higher ups in Gringotts in poker." Bill paused there, before grimacing visibly. "Well, it's more he kept insulting me and I turned it around on him and well... Not only did I beat him, I... embarrassed him." There was another pause, before the grimace grew further. "A lot."

"... Embarrassed him?" Harry's brow furrowed in confusion as he looked back up at Bill. "What's that got to do with...?"

"I made him kinda look like a fool." Bill paused a moment, before wincing a bit. "Ok, I made him really look like a fool. I called him on some stuff... and well... yeah."

Harry opened his mouth to continue only to have Bill shake his head and continue. "He's got a lot of pull in Gringotts, and because of it, a lot of pull everywhere else..."

As a look of dawning realization flashed across Harry's eyes, again uncertainty rose in his eyes. "Then what do you need me for?"

"I can't get work, anywhere in England. They've got me completely black listed. I can't even go to work for myself because I have no real reputation of my own." Bill shrugged a bit, before continuing. "So, I was hoping..."

"Um, Bill, I can't really hire you for anything, I mean, I don't really have that kind of..." Harry quickly shook his head as he shifted nervously about as he cut the man off before he could really continue.

Bill blinked at that, staring at the boy before quickly shaking his head. "You do, actually, but that's not what I wanted to ask you for."

"I... do?" Harry blinked slightly as he stared back at Bill. "I mean, I know I have a good bit in my trust vault, but..."

"Harry, your grandparents were quite savvy when it came to business. Your dad had enough money to never have to work a day in his life and still have plenty to support his family." Bill shook his head a bit before quickly continuing. "But that's not what I wanted to talk to you about."

He grimaced again then before quickly correcting himself. "Though, might need a bit of money to get this going."

"Really?" Harry stared back at him a moment, before the rest of his words registered. "If not that, then what? Get what going?"

"Well, Ron's told you I'm a cursebreaker, right?" Bill offered up as he arched a brow back at Harry.

"Yeah..." Harry agreed before frowning a bit. "What's a cursebreaker, anyway?"

Bill blinked slightly at that, before quickly shaking his head as he replied, "Right, ok, basically a lot of old tombs and ruins are protected by curse wards to prevent people from raiding them. What I do is figure out how to work around them and/or break them so what's inside can be got nice and safe."

"Oh. Ok." Harry nodded his head a moment before blinking back at Bill. "So what does that have to do with something I can help you with?"

"Well, back when it was a lot more popular, the Ministry gave out certain... 'Gentlemanly Explorer' permits." Seeing Harry's look of incomprehension Bill grinned a bit back at him. "Basically permits for people to be independent curse breakers. A lot more personal risk, but a lot bigger personal reward."

"Um, ok..." Seeing that Harry wasn't sure where he was going with it, Bill nodded his head in understanding before continuing.

"Gringotts has bought up most of them, and has basically leaned on every one who still has one to have nothing to do with me." Bill paused a bit, before taking a deep breath. "All except for one."

The gears visibly ground in Harry's head as he worked through what Bill had told him. "But... How could I have one? I mean..."

"They're hereditary." Bill stated quickly with a slight grin curling over his lips for a moment, before it faltered slightly as he continued. "See... your great-grandfather made a lot of use of his... only, one time, he never came back. From what I can tell, that pretty much soured your grandfather on having anything to do with it, so..."

"Ok... So, what, you want me to sign something to let you use it?" Harry stared back at the man, a hint of a smile starting to curl uncertainly over his lips.

"If only it were that simple..." Bill grimaced slightly and shook his head. "I'm still a fully licensed curse breaker, but the way the permits are set up... The holder of the permit has to actually be physically present on the expedition."

"Wait, you want me to go _with_ you?" Harry blinked, then blinked again as he stared back at Bill, his mouth hanging agape.

"Well, it's kind of necessary." Bill admitted before quickly following it up before Harry could respond. "I mean, you'd be completely safe, I'd take all the risks, and you'd just have to hang back and watch. The way the law's even set up, it'd be kind of like a work study program. You'd be able to use your magic, and I'd be able to teach you stuff and you'd learn all sorts of things about cursebreaking and..."

"So, you want me to go with you, I'd be able to use magic and I'd learn stuff?" Harry stared back at Bill, his expression slightly slack jawed in disbelief.

"Yeah... I know it's not much, but..." Bill paused a bit and winced slightly even as he forced a smile on his face. "I just... I wouldn't ask if I had any other choice. I'll make sure you're back in time for September 1st, and..."

"What do I need to do?" The look of eagerness on Harry's face started Bill as he blinked back at the boy, uncertain at first of how to respond.

"You... you know this is still really dangerous, right?" Bill frowned just a bit, a flash of worry written across his face. "I mean, even with my looking out for you, it'll be pretty dangerous."

"More dangerous than Voldemort?" Harry shot back, before blinking slightly as Bill flinched at the name, then shook his head slightly.

"Well, no, not more dangerous than You-Know-Who..." Bill admitted, before pausing a bit as he pressed his lips together and suddenly looked even more uncertain. "At least, I don't think anymore dangerous than him..."

"Works for me." Harry nodded his head quickly with a slight grin, before a frown suddenly hit his features. "Wait... Don't we need to get permission from my guardians for this?"

"Ordinarily, yeah." Bill agreed with a quiet nod of his head.

"Ordinarily?" Harry repeated back as his features screwed up with a look of incomprehension.

"Yeah, well you see, took me a while to get it all sorted out, but near as I can tell, as long as you've got someone to go with you that's licensed like me, since you don't have any immediate magical family, as far as the law's concerned, they don't have the 'comprehension' to make judgments on magical matters." Bill's rambling voice cut short after a moment, before he grinned sheepishly back at Harry. "That make sense?"

"... Not really?" There was a look of confused concentration on Harry's face as he visibly struggled to follow follow what Bill had said.

"As muggles, we can bypass 'em if I'm with you." Bill paused a moment, before shifting uncomfortably. "One of the 'conservative' bloc's little loopholes in play."

"Oh, Ok." Harry managed a slow grin on his lips.

"Well, we've gotta be a bit tricky about this." Bill answered back with a slight grin. "We don't want the goblins to get wise to us too soon..." He paused a moment, before his grin got just a little bit stronger on his lips. "Not to mention, I won't be able to step foot in England for a few years once my mum finds out."

"... She's not gonna like this, is she?" Harry froze there as he suddenly bit the inside of his lip, for the first time. "I mean... she's really, really not gonna like it..."

"Yup." Bill agreed with a wince and a nod of his own head. "I mean... She's a might bit... over protective." Another pause fill the uncomfortable air between the two of them before he continued. "Enough that well... Why do you think I got into curse breaking in Egypt and Charlie ran off to the dragon preserve in Romania?"

"Right." Harry agreed as he glanced back into his room for a moment, before looking back at Bill. "Can we... do this without her finding out?"

"That was the plan." Bill agreed with a slowly growing grin before quietly amending himself. "At least, not for a while."

"Ok, when do we leave then?" A weak, but growing grin spread over Harry's face as he smiled back at Bill.

"Well, I can get you to Diagon Alley, but, after that, it gets a bit tricky. Here's what you've gotta do..."

-o-o-o-


	47. SW: Awakenings

Insert Title Here

Disclaimer: Star Wars belongs to Lucas Arts

Author's Notes: Eheh.

-o-o-o-

The massive forests of Kashyyk slowly flashed beneath the belly of her ship, Aayla Secura frown as she felt the sudden, imploring pull of the Force calling her. There was nothing urgent in the call, nothing warning. It felt, almost as if the Force were… begging?

The blue skinned Rutian twi'lek frowned slightly , her eyes narrowing for a moment in consideration before she sighed and shook her head, reaching out to the plea, acknowledging it, and letting the Force guide her path. The sheer jubilation and eagerness in the Force would have immediately put off a more seasoned Jedi. As it were, the twi'lek was merely confused as she felt the almost… giddiness saturate the Force as she followed its guidance.

Still, she followed the call, deftly navigating her way through the dense trees before she came to a desolate and almost completely hidden landing almost completely over run by foliage. Frowning, she carefully navigated her craft down to land next to an almost completely decayed freighter of some kind, it's form long since succumbed to the ravages of time. As she slowly unstrapped herself from the cockpit of her vessel, she shook her head with a slight feeling of confusion at the way the Force seemed to be swelling further and further with each passing moment.

It was a moment later that she carefully exited the craft, and took a brief measure of the somewhat warped and overrun landing, and the path run from it down towards the massive trunk of the tree. With a careful, calm step, she began to follow the walk, letting the Force guide her path as she moved steadily forward. A moment later, she frowned as she couldn't seem to find anything further.

It was entirely likely, given the state of the ship on the pad itself, there had once been bridges of some kind in place that had lead to another try, or even several other trees. With a slight sigh she shook her head, lekku shifting slightly in the cool air and admitted to herself that it could even be miles away. And yet, the Force was so insistent.

"What is it you're trying to tell me?" The words were muttered softly past her lips, before she slowly shook her head once more and sighed as she again surrendered herself to the Force and allowed it to guide her actions.

It was then, she saw it, a thin hollow in the tree, the opening masked to where it seemed a simple ripple in the tree's base unless you were practically on top of it. Even then, the thick veil of vines and foliage that wrapped about its made it seem and uninteresting venture. Yet, still the Force called out to her, and once more, obediently she followed, after igniting her light saber a moment to carefully sheer her way into entrance.

As she did, her eyes slowly studied the retreating shadows as the flowing light of the sun overhead light up the entry way. A moment later, she blinked slightly in surprise as glinting crystals imbedded in the bark, hidden until now, began to cast the light all about, illuminating a hidden expanse. A rather roomy expanse, covered in dust, and from what she as far as she could tell, were desiccated piles of rags.

It was only when they shifted, and lifted in a weak motion, as a literal pile of dust fell off to reveal what looked to be pile of skin and bones with long, sparse, wisps of hair and sunken grey eyes. For a moment, she stared at the figure in sheer disbelief before slowly came to a realization. It was a human. A worn down, beyond elderly and apparently starved human.

For a moment, she simply stared at the figure who looked up at her with bleary, pain wearied eyes before a wheezing cough filled up the air. There was no fear in those eyes, only a growing pulse of irritation. When the coughing finally stopped, she paused and opened her mouth.

"Err... well, hello there." She winced slightly at the words, her lekku twitching slightly in annoyance at her own stupidity. "I'm here to help?"

For only a moment, dulled grey eyes lifted up and regarded the twi'lek Jedi before a wheezing grunt left his throat and an atrophied voice spoke a quiet, hissing slur of words. "Lemme 'lone."

Aayla blinked for a moment at the wizened husk of a man in front of her before she raised her hands up non-threateningly. "I'm not going to hurt you, Sir. I just want to help."

"'En lea.'" Was hissed back before she could feel the gaze sharpening on her. "'Am medlin' Je'i."

"Sir, you're obviously in a great deal of pain, let me..." It was strange, she could tell that the old man was in a great deal of discomfort, but she could feel none of it through the Force. He was there, practically glowing in fact, but it was strangely disconnected.

"No." That word was almost completely clear as he glared, stubbornly back at her, skin and bone arms crossing defiantly about his chest.

"Sir, I really must insist, I can't just leave you here." Teeth were gritting together now, as a flash of irritation broke through the Jedi's calm demeanor.

"No." Simple and defiant as the old man glared back at her.

"Yes." She shot back just as stubbornly as she started to glare back at the rag clothed man.

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes, even if I have to drag you out of here kicking and screaming like you're a disobedient youngling." A glare again before she rose up challengingly and loomed over the hunched down man.

"Su'pid Je'i, s'ed NO." The answer was shot back, somehow even more stubborn than before.

"Fine you want to play it that way?" Angry now, the twi'lek turned and stalked back towards her ship.

For a moment, the man beamed in triumph before blinking slightly as she returned a few moments later with a length of rope and a smirk on her face.

"So, we going to do this the easy way, or the hard way?"

She only received a stubborn silence in response as the man continued to glare back at her.

-o-o-o-

"I can't believe you bit me!" Aalya glared at the now securely bound old man in the seat next to hers.

"Tol' ya, No." The huffed response and scathing look he sent back at her was nothing new from the last few exchanges they'd had.

"You BIT me!" She growled back as her grey eyes flashed angrily. "What are you, four?"

The man blinked at her, then blinked again, before letting out a weak, hissing laugh of amusement.

"What's so bloody funny?"

"'Mind me 'f ol' frie'n." He managed to wheeze out between the laughs. "S'e lik'd ta w'ine ta."

"I am NOT whining!" Aayla immediately objected before shaking her head in exasperation. "When someone is childish enough to bite me, I have a right to complain!"

"Na' 'en ya 'orce meh 'gains mah 'ill!" the man declared with a sage nod of his head before coughing rather painfully.

"And when you're just coughing and being so obviously unwell like that, of course I'm going to force you when you won't go yourself." Aayla countered as she gave the man a hard look and crossed her arms defiantly about her chest.

"'D'em J'di 'itch." The man muttered softly with a glare before kicking weakly at her shin. "Lea's ge' ma' ch's."

"….What?" She blinked blink without quite comprehending as she stared at the man.

"Ma' ch's!" He glared back at her growling softly in turn, a brittle whispering thing that came out more akin to wheezing than anything. "Wh'r Ah p't mah st'f!"

Aayla blinked back at him, staring for a long, long moment at the man as she processed what the man had said as her lekku twitched slightly in response. "Your… chest?"

"Yuhs!" He glared back at her with a huff as he crossed feeble, brittle arms about his chest.

"… You'll never let me hear the end of it if I don't, will you?" Aayla forced herself to calm, centering her mind as she let the boiling pulse of aggravation flow off of her.

The simple, smirking nod the man gave her in turn had her hanging her head in resignation. "Fine."

When she turned and left, the old man slowly turned his head and glared at everything around him as he hissed out a breath. "Yuh th'nk Ah'm d'n? Nut d'ng et 'ga'n"

There was a soft pulse in the air, and a gentle, almost pleading hum that seemed to echo around him, but still, he sat there, stoically ignoring it all with what appeared to be a long practiced ease.

-o-o-o-

When she returned to the old man's abode, Aayla had little trouble finding the chest. It was an odd mix of smooth, well cared for wood, and bright, polished metal that felt warm to the touch. A part of her couldn't help but wonder how she'd missed the obviously unique piece before.

"Well, you're certainly interesting." She lightly traced her fingers over an interface inlaid in the wood, and stared over the dulled an inactive surface. "Wonder where he found you?"

There was a pause as she glanced around the room, studying it with a careful eye. There wasn't much, rags here and there and plenty of dust in the corners. No food, or water to be found, or any dishes or utensils. In fact, other than the rough hewn length carved out into a makeshift bed, there was nothing to indicate that anyone actually lived there.

"Who are you?" The words left her lips as she gave voice to her thoughts. "And why are you out here like this?"

When she gained no answer, she slowly shook her head with a sigh of frustration. She reached down a moment later and grasped hold of the chest with both hands, before unthinkingly letting out a sharp grunt of strain when she tried to stand. The thing was much heavier than it looked.

"What does that man have in here?" She couldn't help but mutter under her breath before taking a step back and focusing with the Force.

To her shock, while she could, indeed lift the object it… resisted her, for lack of a better term. It was almost disturbing the way it almost seemed to fight back against her. Still, she move it she could, even if only scant inches off the ground as she guided it back out along the branches to her ship.

When she had managed to get the chest into the ship, and up to near the man, she paused, before glaring a bit at him again, watching the way his eyes danced with laughter. "What the kriff do you have in here?"

"S'f." He answered back mysteriously with a grunt before closing his eyes.

Again, Aayla forced herself to take a slow, deep breath, forcing away the storm of emotions that threatened to well up inside of her, before muttering under her breath. "There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony. There is no death, there is the Force."

She repeated the words in cycle, as her flushed skin slowly returned to its normal blue coloring. With every cycle, the man glowered at her more and more. When she finally spoke up, his words broke the momentary silence.

"Em't'n, y't p'ce. Ig'nance, y't kn'l'dge. P's'n, y't s'r'nty. Ch's, y't h'm'ny. D'th y't th' F'rce!"

Aayla stared back at him in confusion, before slowly shaking his head. "You know, I really can't understand you that well." She paused, before smirking slightly. "So, if you really want to yell at me, you have to get better."

The old man opened his mouth to respond, before it fell shut and he simply glowered at her.

-o-o-o-

The trip was passed in an almost eerie silence for Aayla as for some reason, the thought of simply taking the man to a medical facility on planet never really occurred to her. The man himself kept a glower directed at her in between his bouts of racking coughs. He only intensified that glare whenever she made any attempts to lure him into a conversation, shrinking back into an almost fetal position in his seat.

There was something about him. She wasn't sure what it was, and the Force remained elusive about him. It seemed to almost be… purring?

She wasn't sure how else to describe the diffused comfort that seemed to be rolling through the air around him. It was almost maddening honestly. Especially with the way the man simply refused to eat. At all.

Yet, for some reason, he never ate, never moved his position, never did much of anything beyond sitting there, glaring. It was rather disconcerting if she was honest. The man hardly ever seemed to need to blink.

It was almost as if he'd learned to sleep, with his eyes open and glaring.

A disturbing thought, though she couldn't help but imagine Master Windu doing much the same.

When they finally entered range of Coruscant communications, Aayla immediately opened up a channel. "Coruscant, this is Jedi Knight Aayla Secura, requesting vector for the Jedi Temple."

"Please transmit your ID codes, Knight Secura." A crisp down answered across the speaker, as Aayla watched the old man roll his eyes in apparent boredom.

"Transmitting now." Aayla waited in silence as the codes transmitted ahead of her.

"Received and Verified. Transmitting approach and docking vectors now." The crisp tone answered back briskly.

"Vectors received and locked in. Thank you." Her lips twitched slightly in amusement as she listened to the voice's quick response.

"Acknowledged."

Turning her head Aayla's smiled dimmed slightly as she saw the look of pure horror written across the old man's face. " C'r's'nt? J'di!"

"Oh, hush. Where did you _think _I was taking you?" Aayla resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

"W'kies… K'sh'k." Was the simple flat response.

Aayla blinked, then blinked again, before fighting down the urge to blush as she realized she hadn't even considered that thought. Pushing her back up stiffly, her lekku twitching unconsciously, she gave him a look. "The wookies don't have the facilities to properly treat someone in your condition."

The man gave a weak snort, but didn't call her on her answer. However, when she looked into his eyes, she could see the clear fact that he didn't believe her. It was unsettling to be honest.

Any further conversation was cut off as the com sparked to life again. "Knight Secura, this is the Jedi Temple. You approach has been logged. Your designated bay has been transmitted. Will you need any further assistance?"

"Thank you, and yes. I have a companion that will need medical treatment." Aayla stated simply as she met the elder's glare with a hard look of her own. "He's suffering from severe malnutrition and Force knows what else."

"F'h." The old man spat back as he continued to glare at the twi'lek.

"He also can't move himself, so they'll need to bring something to transport him in." She added with a smirk she couldn't quite hold off her face, earning her another glowering glare from the man.

"Understood, Knight Secura." The voice answered her back. "Healers will be standing by."

"Thank you." Aayla smiled back at the com, before turning and smirking at the old man. "And now, we're going to get you better."

"F'h." Was repeated defiantly.

-o-o-o-

"You could've warned us he bites, Knight Secura." One of the healers, a mon calamari half glowered back at the twi'lek.

"Sorry, Healer." She bowed her head in a slight bit of shame as she rubbed her own arm in remembrance. "I'm not sure why I forgot that particular aspect of him, all things considered."

"He's an interesting one, that much is certain." Another healer, a human male observed with a slight murmur. "I've never seen the Force react like that to an individual. To congregate around someone that's apparently completely cut off from it."

"Honestly?" Aayla spoke up with a slight shiver. "I don't even want to _think _about it."

"It's quite fascinating." The man continued, vaguely ignoring Aayla's comment as he gestured at the man. "I mean. This kind of phenomenon is completely undocumented as far as I know."

As Aayla shifted uncomfortably, she ignored the way the old man was glaring at the healer now as she spoke. "Do you think you can do something for him?"

"Oh, assuredly." The male healer agreed a quick nod of his head and a serene smile towards the still glowering man. "Some time in the Bacta Tank will still things off nicely to help replace the lost nourishment, before we do a more thorough diagnosis to find the extent of the damage."

"Just make sure you're careful with how you treat him." Aayla offered neutrally as she continued to watch the glaring man. "He's a bit… spirited for someone his age."

"Nothing we can't handle, I'm sure." The male spoke up as he nodded his head absently, still staring at the old man.

"You can do the handling then." The mon calamari shot back as she crossed her arms about her chest. "He _already_ bit me."

"'D' 't 'g'n ta!" The old man declared firmly as he mimed snapping his jaws at the healer.

"What in the Force possessed you to bring something like _that_ here?" The mon calamari glared back at the man, even as she warily took a step out of range of his mouth.

"The Force." Was her simple answer, before she walked off, trying to clear her mind, leaving the old man in the care of the pair of healers. She could already feel the headache working its way from her cranium, down her lekku.

Before she could go too far, she was immediately stopped by a padawan, who stepped up to her. "Knight Secura? I was sent to bring you to the Council. They have need of you."

"Now what?" Aayla muttered softly beneath her breath even as she nodded towards the padawan and followed him to the council.

From there, it was to Geonosis, and the first battle of the Clone Wars.

-o-o-o-

Amidst the chaos of battle, Aayla moved calmly and certainly. Her blade moved, humming through the air as the whine of blaster fire was thrown aside. The air smelt of ozone and burning, slagged metal and silicon, mixed with the smell of spilt blood and death of at least a dozen different races.

She moved with harmony through the chaos, as even as the first gunships landed and shining forms garbed in gleaming white landed on the dusty earth, blasters already spewing their fire. They felt odd, and comforting all at once to her senses as she cut through one drone, and a wave of the Force threw a trio of the thin, skeletal drones into one of their hulking brethren. As she did, she fought to keep her composure as another death rolled into her through the Force.

Around her, they were dying. Jedi were dying. More than she'd ever heard of in a single battle beyond the histories of old. It took everything she had to work through it, to ignore it, while keeping alive.

She caught sight of Mace Windu, falling, cloak on fire from the balcony Dooku was fleeing from. She was already moving towards him as he tossed the clothing away, even as the armored figure of Jango Fett dropped after him.

It was only moments later, she frowned at the hollow feeling that suddenly pulsed through the Force when the bounty hunter's head left his shoulders. As Windu turned to move on, the not even paying the fallen corpse more than a moment's glance as he headed off in pursuit of other quarry. She looked away for a moment, catching another blast on her lightsaber before something made her look back.

There was a boy cradling the fallen helmet, and potentially head of the bounty hunter.


	48. HP: Possibilities

Title:

Author's Notes:

-o-o-o-

There was a cool smirk drawn over pale lips as unseen eyes bore out into an empty stone basin set with a single, seemingly plain stone settled in its center. Lips pursed, for a moment, before a wand, shrouded too deeply in darkness to be truly seen, flicked and swished with a calculated precision. When it finished, the basin slowly filled, a deep, shimmering silver liquid bubbling and swirling into place. In it, images of a boy, hair the color of a raven's wing and eyes glittering like emeralds struggled, defiantly against situations of no small danger.

The stone rose with the bubbling silver, floating atop it as it swayed and rocked about in time to the rippling surface. Beneath that cool, shadowed gaze, thin lines of silver rose up from the basin's contents and trisected the stone in perfect unity, before with a sudden crack, the stone broken into three, separate pieces. Each was drawn back, affixing to the edge of the basin, forming a perfectly equal triangle of unconnected points.

For a moment, the surface of the silver roiled and rose like an angry sea, bubbling and twisting without seeming rhythm or reason. Then suddenly from its center it smoothed in a growing circle flat, straight silver, stilling the rippling waves all the way onto the edge. When it finished, it was as if staring into a fine, polished mirror.

It was then, that he reached down, his voice soft, almost indistinguishable from the throbbing hum of power surrounding him. "Three drops of his blood, to call those who would save him."

A splash of crimson fell once, then twice more, each flattening atop its own point of that triangle that wasn't. Three drops that fell down the pointed tip of those broken stones and then slid down into a thread thin line across the smooth silver surface, until they pooled into a triangle in the basin's center.

"Three drops, for three souls, to catch them, to anchor them, to bind them as the race back in defiance… From their streams to this, to not undo what has already been." The voice murmured softly , before that want touched down, and slowly traced along the waiting rim of the bowl, and a line of blue flame leapt up around the edge.

"Three and no more, in their quest to save him." And the wand was withdrawn, as the bowl flared once, the azure fire rising up, before curling back, forming a dome atop the bowl, before there was a flash, and a burning heat of the dome receded into a throbbing dim glow.

Then, another bowl appeared, and the smirk was almost visible in the voice. "And now… for the others."

-o-o-o-

Hermione Granger spat out the mix of blood and saliva past her lips, as she absently remembered her one of her parent's lectures about just how many germs dwelled in the human mouth. As she stared up at the malicious smirk curled past too perfect teeth that were just too white, she couldn't help but imagine the vile things that hide behind it. The germs, as well as the thing that called itself a man.

"Really, Ms. Granger, you used to be such a _good_ girl." Gilderoy Lockhart's voice purred out as he smiled down at her in a way that had been devastating to her 13 year old self. "So eager to please, so eager for my attention."

He gave a theatrical sigh as he shook his head. "Then you went and let yourself get corrupted by all those ideas of what is good and what is right." A shake of his head. "Really, forgetting all about what really matters… people worshipping and adoring you! What else is there compared to that?"

"Y-you, you're nothing… a charlatan and a fraud!" Hermione managed to snap out, trying to work up enough blood and spit to launch at him. "All you're doing is…"

"Giving people what they want." Gilderoy cut in, with that same confidant smile on his lips, brushing off a bit of dust from his jacket sleeve even as he brought the heel of his well polished boot onto her wrist even as she reached for her wand. "And tut tut… really that won't do, not at all."

She bit back a scream at the motion, even as she stared up at him, with angry, watery eyes. "Just kill me already and be done with it!"

"Kill you?" Gilderoy tilted his head to the side and smiled as he shook his head. "Now, really my dear, why in Merlin's name would I do something so… barbaric? I mean, really, I've never killed anyone in my life! Heaven forbid the very thought!"

"You kill plenty." Hermione snarled as she tried to pull her wrist out from under his heel, only to found it stuck the, not even budging in the least.

"Handy little charm, isn't it?" Gilderoy smiled back at her, gesturing with a limp flick of his wrist. "Once these boots of mine touch down, until I want to step off again, they, and anything beneath them, stay firmly attached to the ground. It wouldn't do for someone of my… personage to go and do something unseemly like tripping and falling."

"Bastard!" She hissed again as she struggled to reach for her wand with her other hand, knowing full well it was out of reach.

"That, was nothing but a filthy, baseless rumor put together by petty, sad individuals looking to besmirch my good name." He corrected primly before shaking his head. "Now, where were we, hmm?"

"You're a liar and a hyprocrite." She tried to pick up a rock, and slam it into his shoe, only to have it transform into fluffy polish buffer along the way.

"As I said, I give people exactly what they want." Gilderoy laughed softly as he gestured towards the adoring woman smiling distantly a short distance away. "And really, they'd rather believe the lies. So much easier, so much more… pleasant for them."

"And when they kill for you, it might as well be your hand." Hermione hissed out as Gilderoy splayed the immaculate, manicured fingers of his free hand across a stylish and freshly pressed shirt, as if in shock.

"Really, it wounds me you think that poorly of me, I never condone such a wasteful thing." Shaking his head, he smiled his prize winning smile at her before casually, delicately pointing his wand at her. "Not when there are so many more… humane ways of settling things."

"I'll find out the truth about you again, and again and again! No matter how many times you oblivate me!"Hermione snarled now, a caged, trapped thing as wild desperation started to flash through her eyes.

"Really, my dear, I thought a witch as bright as yourself would realize that who you are, is merely a sum of your memories." Gilderoy smiled, patronizingly back at her. "And surely you can understand what that means, can't you?"

She frowned, a trickle of icy dread knifing down her spine. "No…"

"Oh yes… I admit that Dumbledore was quite the tricky one, took me forever to get him where I could properly…. Arrange things." Again that brilliant, cold smile shining down into her. "But, once I did… well, I'm sure you know how he came around to my way of thinking. After that…?"

He shrugged, gesturing away. "Really, quite the shame about the Potter boy, he would have been such an incredibly… useful figure, under myself and my tutelage of course. But really, he was just too stubborn for his own good."

"You… you…" Hermione stared up at him, unable to form the words as the tears poured down her cheeks.

"Yes, he was quite adept at escaping my traps, and saving the rest of you. Still, he never realized just what I had found, when he was caught on the other side of that rubble. Ah well." He shrugged again, before smiling. "And I couldn't quite get that need to kill him out of that delightful Weasley girl. I left too much of what was already there, really."

He leveled his wand back at her and smiled again. "Fortunately, I've learned from then. Rip it all down… build it back up in your image, and they'll be _everything_ you want them to be." He chuckled again and smiled. "Adeiu, naughty, naughty Hermione… Don't worry, I'll make sure you never miss a minute of who you were."

"NO!" She screamed, wild, desperate as she sobbed.

"_OBLIVATE!_"

-o-o-o-

Ron Weasley was tried, aching, and he could feel the way the tenuous grip of his fraying with each passing moment. A rough, shuddering breath heaved past his lips as he stared, warily back at the bound and chained trap door. Around him, there was a disgusting emptiness, a silence in the air that just didn't fit the his home.

Shaking his head, he stepped over the cold, bloodless corpse of a man that might have, at one point in time, been his brother Percy, and pulled the bottle of fire whiskey his father had kept on hand for special occasions out of the dusty cupboard it had hidden away in. No use let it go to waste after all. For a moment, he glanced back at the chained down door, before he brought the bottle to his lips and took a sip.

A grimace leapt across his face at the taste, and he slowly looked back at it with a small measure of disgust. "Bloody hell, what's supposed to be so great about this shite?"

Then, suddenly the trap bounced up, as if from a great impact, chains shaking and rattling as they strained but held. Turning his head, he glared back at the commotion. "Oi! Keep it down in there! Some of us are trying to have a little peace and quiet!"

Only, they thumped, harder, pushing back up straining the chains even further. Glaring a bit, Ron stalked over and then roughly stomped down on the door, earning a sudden, whimpering grunt from what was hidden beneath. "I said, keep it _down!_"

"Now, now… is that any way to treat family, ickle Ronniekins?" The voice whispered through the air, sing songing echoes that bounced around him.

Instantly, he froze, feeling the blood falling from his face as his hand shakily took hold of his wand. "So, I guess you found me, finally."

"Hide and seek, lost and found… So easy to see where Ronnie was home bound." The voice suddenly giggled as he shifted around, eyes frantically shifting, searching.

Nothing in front of him. Nothing to the right or the left, and nothing behind him. That left.. His eyes flicked up, just in time to jump away from the thing, spidery figure dropping from the ceiling onto the spot he'd been just moments before.

"Bloody hell." Shakily, his wand rose up, his eyes wide and panicked as he stumbled back, falling onto his ass as he tried to scramble away.

"Aww, what's the matter, Won-won, aren't you happy to see us?" Limp, dull red hair fell greasy and unkempt against pale, sunken cheeks as too pale lips pulled back to reveal dark stained teeth. "How about you give us a kiss, hmm?"

A desperate, wordless blasting hex was almost negligently dodged as she crouched back down, grinning at him with baggy, reddened eyes. Clucking her tongue, she shook her head and grinned, viciously back at him. "Now, that wasn't nice, not nice at all… I mean, you don't do that to family!"

There was a pause, before suddenly the previously still body of Percy let off a hissing moan and suddenly began to fail, mindlessly towards Ron. "Well, maybe you do at least. But, Percy always was a bit of a ponce, wasn't he?"

"Argh!" The gurgled scream lasted a moment as Percy's mouth bit into his arm, before a solid punch sent the animated corpse reeling back and a moment later a hissed cutting curse separated the head at the mouth. "Bloody fuckin'…!"

"Language, Ronald Billius Weasley!" The words were snapped out in a mockery of maternal reprimand, before the voice broken into a series of giggles. "Oh, now you just went and made a mess of my little Percy toy."

Pushing a piece of cloth onto the bleeding wound, Ron staggered to his feet even as he continued to back away. "You… you…"

"V, W, X, Y and Z." The figure bobbed her head as she grinned back at him. "You should really get those wracktspurts looked at." There was a pause before she shrugged her shoulders and giggled again. "Well, you should if it mattered what was going on in that head of yours."

Eyes screwing shut for a moment, Ron fought down the acidic bile that ate its way up his throat. Slowly opening them again, he glanced around the room. At the windows, sallow, dead faces stared back at him, pressed against the glass as he could hear the thumping impacts on the doors.

"Bugger." His eyes turned, speculatively towards the stares, only to watch as suddenly she leapt over, and landed, crouched on the banister.

"Now, you wouldn't be wanting to leave the party, now would you?" Her head turned, owl-like as she shook her head and grinned back at him. "Oh no, much, much too soon for that… and we've been waiting for you. Don't you want to be with everyone else?"

"I kind of prefer my soul being where it is, thanks." Ron shifted again, leveling his wand at her as he could feel the icy pit sinking down in his stomach. "And I think I'd rather help them get free of you."

"Mmm… but they make my tummy feel all warm and tingly." She pouted back at Ron. "Everyone's here… Except for Harry." She frowned then. "He went and got away, and I didn't get to play with him."

Ron winced softly as he remembered the empty, glazed look on Harry's waxen features when he'd found him. Dead and gone before she could have her way with him, devouring him. It had been a small victory at least. "Thankfully."

"Now, that wasn't nice." She frowned, pulling creasing lines down her face as she glared back at him. "Big brothers are supposed to take care of their little sisters, don't you remember? You wouldn't want me to go hungry would you?"

"I'd love to see you starve." Ron managed to grind out even as he could hear the audible crack of a door breaking, and the gaunt, faltering steps entering the home.

"Not tonight, my dear, big brother." She curled her lips back, smiling that stained smile back at him as her fingers dug, tightly into the wood and her body coiled with anticipation. "Or any other night, I'm afraid. Time for you to join us, Ronnie-kins."

"Bugger this." Ron hissed out, before he brought his wand up to his own head. "I'll neve-…"

Only, suddenly her hand was on his throat. The distance between them gone faster than the blink of an eye as his wand was snapped out of his hand. He let out a gurgling scream as half his fingers broke under tha harsh motion, back down at her.

"Nuh, uh, uh…." She waggled her finger from side to side. "Don't you remember? No rough housing at home…"

"Screw, you…" He managed to hiss out, before his eyes bulged out as he felt her hand grabbing hold of his cheeks, covering his mouth.

"Oh, Ronnie… I never knew you felt that way! Such dirty thoughts about your sister…" She giggled again, as he could feel the hooks sinking in, digging past his skin, taking hold of soul. "I can't wait to taste them all!"

And with that, in one, violent, ripping tug, he could feel it, ripping him out of his flesh, tearing him out of his body. It was numbing and excruciating all at once. In that moment, he could feel the darkness claiming him as the last sound he heard was an echoing giggle, rippling through the air.

-o-o-o-

Draco Malfoy lay as still as he could against the cold, dark vines surrounding him. They weren't tight, not yet at least, merely snug enough to hold him in place. Still, he knew how easily that could change with just the slightest of struggles to escape.

"Having fun there, Draco old chap?" Smiling cheerfully, Cedric Diggory swaggered in, his lips pulled back into a casual smirk. "Things not too tight I trust? Snug enough to be comfortable?"

"Diggory." Draco hissed the world like venom as he glared back at him.

"Why, yes, amazing, you actually can learn to address people by their names! Why, I'm sure the wizarding world will be stunned to learn of it! A Malfoy, actually working past the stupidity of his Slytherin roots! It'll be all the rage for all of, oh… perhaps five minutes? If I'm feeling generous. No one really much cares about a house of lazy traitors anymore."

Draco's jaw clenched as he started to shift, just enough to feel the way the devil's snare vines reflexively pulled tighter into his skin.

"What, no snotty remarks, no insults of declarations of how your father is going to make me pay?" Cedric shook his head, releasing a theatrical sigh of sadness. "Whatever would poor, poor Harry say?"

"Something infinitely more worthwhile to listen to." The vines tightened on his throat at that, leaving Cedric to slowly shake his head.

"Ah, such wit, such banter, you cut me to the quick." He laughed softly, before his lips curled back into a smirk. "If you weren't such a pathetic little shite that couldn't so much as wipe his own ass without calling out for your father to help you."

Draco's face flushed at that, twitching as he could feel the way the vines tightened again against the way he trembled with rage. "You…"

"Oh, do go and stuff it." Cedric dropped down onto a nearby couch and studied Draco with a kind of bored amusement. "Your father won't be coming to your rescue, and your mother…" There was a pause, before he looked back at Draco with a slow drawn, lecherous smirk. "Well, she certainly looks quite nice in her new uniform. Who knew she had such nice legs?"

When Draco made no response beyond a strangled gasp, Cedric smirked back at Draco. "Yes, she's learning the value of hardwork, she was quite the defiant little maid at first, I'm told, but we broke her down rather quickly. You arrogant little pillocks never really know how to last."

"I'll…" Draco managed to gasp out as he stared at Cedric.

"Do nothing." Cedric noted with a cold smirk. "The only hope, you might've had was dear, dear Harry." There was a pause, as Cedric looked almost wistful at the name. "A pity really, wasting his potential like that with those lazy glory hounds. He showed such determination in the tournament. I half regret leaving him there to die at your little fool of a Dark Lord."

"Really, Cedric, it's hardly becoming for you to taunt the converts." A new, matronly voice cut in, as Pomona Sprout walked forward, dressed in a silken black robe and holding onto a leash with one hand. "Especially ones as… lackluster as this one."

As she sniffed in disdain, Draco's eyes followed the leash, and bulged as he saw what was on the other end. His mother. Only, her eyes stared down at the floor, empty, her normally regal posture slumped into submission as she moved with quiet, precise steps where Sprout led her.

"Ah, saw the new Hufflepuff maid, did you?" Sprout smiled, benignly back at Draco, as she reached out, lightly patting Narcissa Malfoy atop her head. "I've been told she's kept the boys quite… entertained. And even some of the girls."

"Nothing like a good bit of motivation to help one keep pressing the nose to the grindstone." Cedric agreed with a smirk coiling on his lips.

"Mother!" Draco managed to gasp out the word, struggling, violently against the vine restraining him only to bite back a scream of pain as he felt the vines tightening onto his body as he felt his bones groaning in protest.

"Tut, tut, Mr. Malfoy." Sprout shook her head and glanced in mock sadness back to Narcissa. "Really, little Cissy, didn't you teach your son any manners?"

"He was always a worthless son, as you said, Mistress." Narcissa repeated, dully, as if reading from a script as she never lifted her head up.

"Oh, quite right, quite right." Sprout nodded as she patted Narcissa's cheek. "Well, don't worry, I'm sure we can correct his deficiencies once we've properly sorted him out."

"I don't really think he'll ever make proper Hufflepuff material." Cedric noted with a slight smirk. "Too much of a ponce, really."

"Yes, Sir." Narcissa agreed quietly. "All Malfoys are just worthless ponces needing to be put in their places."

"What did… you… do to her…?" Draco managed to hiss out as he stared back at his mother with abject horror.

"Oh, we simply converted her over to the cause." With a negligent wave of her hand, Sprout smirked softly at Draco. "You'll be joining her soon enough, don't worry about that. We have your place all picked out, serving with that good for nothing Longbottom boy, Neville, in the laundry rooms for our… elders. Really, thinking he was good enough for one of my Puffs? I never."

"You get to clean up all their shit and piss stained sheets and clothes." Cedric agreed with a smirk.

As Draco continued to look on in horror, Cedric nodded his head. "Oh, yes… I'm sure we'll have plenty of work for you."

"How… how can you be doing this…? The Imperius…" Draco ignored the way he could feel his limbs going numb, fighting, back trying to focus his thoughts.

"Oh, nothing so crude as that!" Sprout shook her head and chuckled softly. "Once we'd managed to… bring certain individuals into the fold, as it were, it was quite easy to… come up with something much more… permanent."

"Weasley… Granger…" Draco struggled to say the names as he could feel the way everything seemed to be spinning.

"Too busy splitting the world apart into their opposing sides. Too caught up in their petty little power plays between each other to notice what's going on under their noses." Cedric waved his hand dismissively, before smirking softly. "Honestly, we were lucky to get you when we did. Granger already got Crabbe and Weasley got Goyle. It was something of a contest between them on who could get you."

"Without Mr. Potter, it was remarkably easy to make them into such wonderful little monsters." Sprout sighed happily and shook her head. "A few little pushes, here and there… and it was so easy to… guide them on the right path to dealing with that pathetic little abomination, Riddle. Even easier to turn them onto one another."

"And when the dust settles, and they finish ripping each other apart, leaving their most devoted, their most powerful dead with them, or exhausted and helpless, who do you think is going to swoop in, and save the day?" Cedric smirked, oh so viciously back at Draco. "It really is just such a wonderful little scenario, for everyone."

"Well, not for Draco here. But then, who cares about how things work out for a little piece of filth like him?" Sprout admitted as she eyed him carefully. "I think he should just about be ready for his injection."

"Quite right!" Cedric agreed with a nod. "Shall we have Cissy do the honors?"

"Oh, capital idea, my boy, capital idea." Sprout agreed, as she pushed a brass handled syringe into Narcissa's hand. "Do be a good dear and give your son his medicine, won't you, Cissy?"

"Yes, Mistress. Draco needs his medicine." Narcissa repeated as she almost mechanically took hold of the syringe and advanced on her son. "I must give him his medicine…"

"Mother…" Draco managed to croak out, even as the tears poured down his cheeks.

"Shh… Draco, time for your medicine. It will make it all better." Narcissa answered back, before she reached up, and pushed the syringe into his neck, and pushed in the plunger.

For a moment, Draco felt only a spreading burn that pulsed in his neck. He struggled to scream, only to have the vines, finally tighten to the point he could see stars, spreading across his eyes. For a moment, he tried, feebly to struggle, to escape, only the dull burn suddenly became an inferno, and he let off one last, strangled scream before his world collapsed into darkness.

-o-o-o-

As one, three figures suddenly awoke, staring out into world as they awoke in bodies both familiar, and alien all the same.


	49. Naruto: Maple Leaf

Title:

Disclaimer:

Author's Notes:

-o-o-o-

The waning warmth lingering from the summer months quietly drifted, aimlessly through the night breeze, stirring restlessness in the swaying branches of the red maples reaching over the tavern's rooftop. Through a veil of crimson, the full glory of the moon rode overhead, watching, silent and vigilant over the quiet earth below, as if listening to the twanging notes of the samisen, drifting solemnly from the tavern's depths. An skillful string of notes, unbothered, and unbroken by the sudden eruption of violence that had begun within.

Bodies moved, disjointed and melded into one churning mass as fists and flashes of steel cut through the air. Clay and porcelain shattered, crashing with sharp cracks and dim, trickling notes as they struck steel, wood and flesh alike. But still the samisen played its notes, never rushed, never interrupted, a sea of tranquility in the madness marked by the single figure sipping, quietly at his saucer of sake.

He bore a jacket of faded glory, a once vibrant crimson, bleached and muted until it seemed almost orange, with once austere, black lines creased with permanent wrinkles with a hue now more like dark ash. On leg, curled back, was clothed in a similarly muted black, wide and loose, with only a simple line of that faded red into orange down to ragged, tattered hems. Resting on that lifted knee, an elbow curled back, bringing a wrist, a bracelet of tarnished brass coins hung about it, into position to carefully lift his saucer just enough to send its contents spilling past his waiting lips.

Eyes drifted half shut, watching, perhaps, the rippling reflections cast onto his wine. Thick, wild and tangled hair, a color close to sunshine spun into thread brushed against the thick swath of cloth pulled across his brow holding it back and at bay from catching in his eyes. At his side, there rested only a small pack, oiled and worn leather, latched shut, but conforming to the visible contours of three, thick scrolls.

A crash snapped through the air, a body smashing into the waiting surface of a table, bringing it down in a sudden burst of dust and debris. But a few feet beyond it, he remained as he was, a sip taken once and again. Then his body curled forward, free hand spreading out, fingers splayed to catch the waiting neck of the short, ceramic bottle, and drawing it up.

It was one, careless motion, carrying a dulled edge of steel that caught into cloth and tore into flesh beneath it. Thrown along it's length, a line of glistening crimson flowed, moving with the final echoes of the slashing momentum, before in and instant it snapped to a halt. From the tip, a single drop snapped out, a gleaming ruby that moved through the air in a flash, only to find its way into that single saucer of sake, just before it touched his lips.

The blade fell from suddenly limp fingers as the saucer suddenly exploded against the temple of the man weilding it. With that sudden crash, a heavy silence fell across the room, engulfing everything as the air went cold and suddenly fell like a great weight on their shoulders. His head turned, the man had opened his eyes into only bare slits, and for an instant, the light seemed to catch them just right where they seemed to suddenly glow a malevolent bloody crimson.

Silence was broken was weapons, forged and makeshift, clattered to the ground as brawlers slunk back, abandoning the fallen bodies of friends and foes alike as they pulled themselves into the shadows. Then his eyes fell closed again, and again the lingering warmth of summer flowed through the tavern air with a soothing rustle of the breeze. His head turned, expectantly waiting, as again the samisen's sounds quietly flitted through the air.

"My, so, so forceful, all for a simple saucer of sake?" The words rolled with a smokey sweetness as a new saucer found itself casually slipping down onto his table in the grips of slender, pale fingers. "One could say that was even... overkill as it were, shinobi-san."

One eye cracked open, revealing a wide, brilliant blue that casually caught a glimpse of the creamy, alabaster flesh that vanished into the sleeve of a off white kimono, trimmed in a warm, sea green that matched the teasing sparkle in her eyes. Thick, black tresses, like the dead of night spun into silken strands was pulled back into a simple, elegant bun, save for a single lock, left, artfully across her cheek. Soft, painted lips glistened, as if kissed by the morning dew, as they drew back into a half curved smile.

He studied her for a moment, his lips pursed in silence before he took hold of the saucer and brought it back to curling before his lips. "To ruin good sake with fresh blood is hardly something one forgives so easily."

"Ah." She nodded her head as if in perfect understanding as she gracefully kneeled in one, fluid motion before she tilt her head just slightly to the side. "And are you the type that does not forgive easily, shinobi-san?"

"Depends on the sin against me, as with most people, I'd imagine." He quietly tilted back the saucer, taking the barest sip as he lightly held it behind his lips before taking the lightest of swallows.

"I'd imagine that you are a bit different from most people, shinobi-san." She shifted just slightly, her shoulders cocked as he would catch just the slightest glimpse of the nape of her neck before it again vanished into the folds of silk. "They say the grudges of ninja are terrible things to behold."

"I always prefer to think of myself as a man first, before I'm a ninja." That blue eyed gaze fell shut again as he would take another slow sip, letting the warm liquid lightly pour down his tongue. "To live for nothing but the _honor _and _glory_ of the ninja life seems to make one forget where one comes from, and the debts of the past."

Her lips pursed a moment, as she tilted her head in consideration, before her chin tilted down, offering the slightest of bows. "I see. You seem to have quite an interesting view for one of such renown, Uzumaki-san."

"Hmph, giving in already? And here I was just starting to enjoy myself." He shook his head slightly causing a portion of the golden hair to rise up to reveal a black masked pair of glittering onyx eyes.

The woman seemed to start slightly at the appearance of the furred creature, before her cool green eyes relaxed and she would lightly tap on the lower curve of her lip. "Mmm, a weasel? I was under the impression you favored less… furred animals."

"Not every rumor is true." He answered back easily enough as he would casually shift the saucer up, bringing it up to just below the creature's nose.

It clutched lightly at the edge of the saucer before sniffing, curiously at the surface, before snout lifted in the and it left out an audible snort of dismissal. Chuckling softly the man nodded his head as the weasel turned and suddenly seemed to vanish back into the man's hair, its fur blending almost seamlessly into the mane. Satisfied the creature was disinterested, it was a simple motion to bring the saucer back to his own lips.

"I take it your… companion isn't fond of sake?" The bowed curve of the woman's lips pulled back, drawing itself into the lightest of smiles as she drew out a fan tapped it against her chin.

"Oh, he's very fond of sake." His words were chuckled out with a crooked smirk. "He simply has very… specific tastes. He likes to think he has an air of… refinement."

"And you? Your tastes aren't so specific?" Her brow arched up as her eyes followed him, lazily through a veil of half thick, black, half fallen lashes as her body moved just as the

"Depends on what we're talking about." The saucer covered his lips from her sight, leaving her to wonder if the words were said with a smile. "If its sake? I enjoy it when it's good, in all the variety that implies. Apparently that means the subtleties are lost on me, but good sake is good sake."

He set the saucer down directly on the table in front of him, before his free hand caught on the neck of the bottle and brought it to carefully fill it again. "If we're talking about women, I've always been partial to red heads." There was a pause as he smirked at her, his head tilting lightly to the side as he brought the saucer to his lips. "Oh, and blondes. For some reason, I invariably find myself entangled with blondes who are entirely… troublesome."

There was only the slightest of motions in her left eye, a brief fleeting twitch as her half smile seemed to fade slight as her fan suddenly snapped open, masking her face below her eyes with an artful display of a cloud capped mountains. "Oh, truly Uzumaki-san? That is certainly… disappointing, I had hoped things might be more… interesting between us."

"Well, you never know." His lips curled back into a smirk as he would lift his saucer in half salute. "I have been known to make exceptions… when it comes to sake and women at least." Another sip was slowly taken. "You'll find I'm far less flexible when comes to the missions I take."

"Ah, of course, of course, you are known as a shinobi of strict morals." Her fan lightly shifted enough to reveal the curling corner of her smile. "I'm sure that you would find me… flexible enough for us both."

"Generally, I've found those who find their morals so flexible, are hardly the kind I like to do business with." He sipped at his sake once more, his eyes slits of blue as he regarded the woman with a sudden coolness.

"Oh, I was never referring to my morals being the flexible part." She smiled an innocent thing as her eyes fluttered lightly, lashes kissing.

"Of course not." His voice dipped slightly as his eyes went as flat as his tone. "I'm sure you prefer the stiff, rigid lengths… one goes to, when they keep themselves to their morals."

Her brows lifted, only the barest fractions of an inch with her eyes, before banishing themselves behind the curling smile that rose along her lips. "My, you are ever so surprising. Do you often enjoy exploring such… depths?"

"Most men enjoy exploring a number of depths, especially when they involve a beautiful woman." He took another slow sip, his eyes fallen shut before he tilted his head to the side. "Though, generally I've found several prefer to do that behind closed doors."

The faintest tinge of heat spread across her cheeks a moment as she quickly snapped her fan shut and hid her face behind her sleeve. "Oh, Uzumaki-san! So forward! Will you at least, be gentle?"

A motion started with his eye's opening, locking one blue orb onto her before it flowed up, lifting his brow into a curious arch before he took another sip. "Sorry, I've been told it's a bad idea to mix business and pleasure. That was why you wanted to talk to me, wasn't it? Business?"

"Ah, so the game is over already? I thought you wanted to play a bit more." She let out a throaty chuckle as she lay the side of her fan down across the table before her. "And they said you were a man of stamina."

"… And if I wanted to be subjected from something straight from Jiraiya's work, I'd just pick up a copy of one of his Icha Icha books." The man shook his head with a half sigh of irritation. "At least he has some idea of how to use it right."

There was a flash in those eyes, a tightening that rippled down her cheeks to press tightly on her lips as setting the curve of her nostrils to flare out. Then they rippled away, melting as her mouth vanished again behind her sleeve and a light chuckle lifted half hearted through the air. "Oh, such an _interesting_ sense of humor you have, Uzumaki-san!"

"If you say so." He took a quiet sip again as he settled back against the wall.

There was again, that brief flash of a frown before she spoke again. "Would you be willing to listen to the offer, Uzumaki-san?"

"I'm still here, aren't I?" His eyes once more closed he tucked his hand back into the folds of his jacket.

"So you are." Her voice was softly, almost a whisper before she reached into her sleeve and withdrew a single black scroll, an unmarked seal of crimson wax its only adornment. "I do believe you'll find this scroll quite…"

"How about you just tell me exactly what you want?" The words cut quickly and succinctly through the air as he let the empty sauce drop down onto the table in front of him, making a rumbling clatter as it wobbled back and forth before settling into place.

"Finished with the games so quickly?" She tilted her head again, the scroll brought back to lightly tap against her chin as her lips starting to pull back into a sultry smirk of victory. "Mmm, and here I thought you'd like to play a bit longer."

"I've never been the most patient of people." A shrug of his shoulders brought a weasel's head up again, this time from the other side of his head, its eyes blinking away the film of sleep as it tilted its head to the side, looking from the woman, to the man, then back again.

"You seem to have woken up your companion." There was a note of amusement in her voice as she quietly set the scroll down, parallel to her fan with a quiet precision.

"She's a light sleeper." His fingers reached back, and quietly ran against the suddenly preening head of the weasel, stroking lightly against her silken fur. "Now... I repeat, what do you want?"

The woman canted her head to the side, her lips pursed back as she would bring one, delicate finger up to tap on the point of her chin. "Ah, really now, Uzumaki-san, are you sure you want to know that? I've been told I have quite the… vivid imagination." Her lips curled back, almost predatorily as she smirked, letting her eyes trace along his form with the subtlest of motions of her head dipping and rising. "And you do so provide plentiful… inspiration."

The weasel turned her head, staring at the woman, before making an audible sound, tinged with disdain as she canted her head back up at the man. Chuckling lightly, he continued to run his finger down along the back of her head. "Yes, I know. She still needs a lot of work."

The woman's eyes, narrowed just slightly again, her smile never wavering, though it took on a hardened, almost plastic appearance. "And there's that _famous_ sense of humor again."

"If you insist." He continued to lightly stroke the weasel's head, his finger running down her fur as she seemed to puff and preen at the attention while his free hand reached out and took hold of the saucer, examining the way it's smooth surface caught the light. "So, do you have anything to actually say, or should I just go?"

"Do you always treat your potential clients like this, Uzumaki-san?" The smile never left her lips, though it seemed to dip slightly in strength, becoming visibly forced and brittle on her lips.

"If you wanted me to play nice…" The fingers flicked out, and the saucer was launched across the room to strike against the plain looking samisen player sitting with head bowed, face covered by limp, boring brown hair. "You shouldn't have brought her."

A startled, feminine squeak filled the air, as the player's body was knocked solidly into the wall. In an instant, her appearance seemed to shatter. Limp, brown hair grew silken and black, as her skin took on an almost glowing alabaster hue. Plain features gave way to a curving, delicately boned beauty as dull, brown eyes vanished into an off white, offset by wide, thick black lashes.

With a second flick of his wrist, a kunai hissed through the air before down into the woman's chest. Her white seemed to widen a moment, her body frozen, rigid in appearance, before a single white moth crawled up from the collar of her kimono, then quickly fluttered away. Then, suddenly they rose out of her body, a growing cloud of fluttering white wings dancing out of her shrinking kimono.

Locks of silken black hair turned white, from the tips in a flowing wave, turning it entirely white before coming to life as moth after moth joined with its brethren filling the air. Her eyes, however, stayed locked onto his, fearful, pleading as her body vanished into the dissipating cloud. When he only glared in turn, she flinched back, and exploded into a final, retreating group that soon left behind a rumpled kimono, a discarded samisen, and a kunai, buried in the wall.

"Tsk, man, so she is her teacher's student after all. That was a damned good throw too." His face twisted into a grimace as he almost pouted in disappointment.

The woman struggled to pull back the sudden wave of shock that had spread across her face. Wide, blinking eyes turned from the spot the woman had vanished from, back to him, then repeated the action twice more. When her mouth opened to speak, only a hiss of silence left in a strangled squeak.

"What? There something on my face, Ino?" His head cocked to the side, a familiar, toothy smirk blossoming on his teeth.

For a moment, the woman stared back at him, disbelief written across her pale features, before she slumped forward, and suddenly a ripple rolled over her flesh, letting it grow to a healthy tan, as black hair lightened into a light, creamy blonde that fell down her shoulders. Deep, indigo eyes turned onto him, and in a tone tinged with disbelief, spoke out in accusation. "You just tried to kill Hinata!"

"… Yes?" He blinked a moment, head cocking to the side, before brows seemed to furrow in thought. "At least, I thought I did. Was I not throwing the kunai hard enough or something?"

"You… You're Naruto! And you just tried to _kill_ Hinata!" Even her voice was different, rougher, though not unpleasantly so as it poured past her lips in a tone of shocked disbelief.

"And you're Ino. And you just tried to seduce Naruto." He spoke the words, with a carefully enunciated patience, as if addressing a small child. "You started out great. Really, you did, but then you just went and lost me with that whole flexible line."

On his shoulder, the weasel nodded her head in agreement, letting out a gurgling murr of agreement, before settling back down, her eyes locked onto Ino with an unblinking gaze.

For a moment, her mouth opened to retort, before she let her fall shut a moment as her eyes drew into narrowed slits. "How did you know?"

"She kept playing the same song, every so often." He reached down and in one fluid motion lifted up the bottle of sake and took a swig. "The Lament of Princess something or another. Koiyuki-hime would be able to tell you." He shook his head, letting the rim of the bottle dangle from his lips. "Whenever it got to the parts where the princess betrayed the loyal samurai, she hesitated just a bit, her fingers almost flinching from the strings. Then she'd play too eagerly to reach the parts where the samurai eventually forgives the princess."

There was nothing she could say to that, her mouth, hanging open a moment, before closing back as her lips pursed into a thin line. "How would that tell you it was Hinata?"

"Because she's the only person I know who'd pull that while doing her best to look everywhere _but_ at me." He reached up, his finger lightly stroking against the silken fur of the weasel on his shoulder, focusing his attention down onto it. "So what does Konoha want?"

"They're worried." Ino frowned lightly as she studied the way Naruto's whole body simply screamed a bored disinterest, the coins on his wrist, flashing a moment, revealing the curling swirl inscribed on their faces. The symbol of a dead village, and a dying clan. "Akatsuki has managed to capture…"

"The sanbi and Rock's two jinchuuriki." Naruto finished for her. "Waterfall's jinchuuriki has vanished entirely, same with the one who fled Mist. Cloud's on a lock down so tight, you don't know about theirs, and Gaara only just barely managed to escape them when they attacked Suna the first time."

Ino stared at him for a moment, before reaching out and practically ripping the sake bottle from his hand as he blinked in confusion as she threw it back and took a deep gulp before almost slamming it down on the table.

"… Thirsty?" Naruto blinked, then, blinked again as a the first weasel popped its head back out, then made a rather disdainful sound.

"You just tried to kill Hinata, you insult my seduction skills, after flirting heavily with me, then you casually throw out intel it took us _months_ to find out, and you expect me to _not_ need a drink?" Ino snapped back as she glared at the man as she slumped back and pointedly loosened up her kimono so it almost hung off her shoulders.

"Um, no. I expect you to get your own damned sake." He reached out, trying to snatch the bottle back, only to have it pulled just out of his reach.

"Nuh uh." She let a bit of a smirk curl over her lips as she took another, long, exaggerated drink. "The least you can do for pulling that on me is buy my drinks tonight."

"Why the hell should I do that?" Naruto's lips curled down into a frown as he glanced around, noting how incredibly empty the tavern had become. "How could I even do that? Everyone seems to have been scared off."

"That's your fault, not mine." Ino pointed out with a slight smirk as she held the bottle just before her lips. "I was the hot woman, you were the violent ass that threw sake saucers at people and tried to kill the musician."

"She deserved it." Naruto muttered darkly before he looked, speculatively back at Ino. "You're awfully calm about the fact I just tried to kill her."

"I'm not. Why do you think I need sake?" She snapped back, as she took another sip, bringing attention to the way her hands were trembling in their hold. "I mean… they figured you'd _want_ to see Hinata! That's why they sent her!"

"And they didn't think I'd want to see Sakura-chan or Sasuke?" Naruto blinked slightly as he tilted his head to the side.

"Forehead and Sasuke-ku…. Sasuke have a few… Issues to work through." Ino muttered softly as she glared down at her bottle, before she leveled him with a shaky glare. "What with you abandoning them like you did."

"Abandoning them?" Naruto scowled as he brought his arms back across his chest and glared a bit back at Ino. "Oh, sure, Sasuke can be all 'I must avenge my clan!' but if I try and honor _my_ clan, I'm abandoning them."

"You left them." Ino pointed out with a twisting grimace as she stared down into the bottle. "You left us. Kiba still wants to kill you, you know that right?"

"I left Konoha, not you guys." Naruto corrected as he reached up and rubbed his temples. "But of course, I'm the big, bad traitor, huh? Any of you ever wonder why I'm not listed as a Missing-nin? Why I don't have hunters after me?"

"Tsunade-sama." Ino answered flatly as she gave him a look, before tilting back the bottle and frowning as it came up empty. "Dammit, empty already?"

"I've been drinking out of it for the better part of an hour, what did you expect?" Naruto shook his head and snorted a bit. "What's she got to do with me not being labeled a missing nin."

"Because she likes you and is letting you get away with being a traitor?" Ino lazily threw the sake bottle away, not even caring as it bounced, audibly over the floor.

"Heh, of course the old bats would keep it a secret." Naruto shook his head, the chuckle that escaped his lips cold and bitter as he rested his head back against the wall. "I'm not listed as a missing-nin, because I'm not one. Ino. Everything I did was totally legit. Got the papers to prove it in fact."

"You can't be serious." There was sheer disbelief on her face before she looked at him a moment and rubbed at her face. "You're serious. You do know just having papers doesn't mean much, right Naruto?"

"Mmm, it does when they're the right papers." He rolled his shoulders back as the weasels made small sounds of irritation. "Though, helps to have a couple of summon clans that would... disseminate information about certain facts that Konoha wants to keep locked up and forgotten."

"... You're blackmailing the council with stolen secrets?" Ino's face twisted in disgust as she recoiled back from him. "You..."

"The secrets I have are my secrets." Naruto cut her off with a snap and a cool, cutting tone. "About the wrongs Konoha has done to me, and by extension, my family. Secrets about the way Konoha has spit on the honor and legacies of their heroes, and greatest allies."

Ino stared at Naruto for a long moment, before slowly shaking her head. "Right, Naruto... Sure."

"I'm not asking you to believe me." He shook his head and glanced around for a moment. "Besides, you're the one that came to me, wanting _me _to do something for you. Which is what, by the way?"

She looked at him for a moment, before sighing softly as she lifted up the scroll and flipped it to him. "They want you to find the two missing jinchuuriki and keep them away from Akatsuki. Why, I don't know, but they think you could do the job. With them after all the bijuu, at least we don't have to worry about the kyuubi thanks to the Fourth."

Naruto looked at her, blinking oddly for a half second, before shaking his head. "Right. The whole the Minato Namikaze killed the greatest of the bijuu story."

"It's a fact of history, Naruto. Don't you remember it when Iruka-sensei told us?" She gave him an annoyed, patronizing look as she crossed her arms about her chest.

"I remember." Naruto's eyes grew distant for a moment, before he suddenly shook his head. "Huh, so, I'm supposed to find Fu and Utakate? And what, bring them to Konoha for security's sake?"

"That's the mission, yes." Ino stated flatly and nodded her head.

"Not interested." He tossed the scroll back at her with a flick of his wrist and a shake of his head. "Sounds boring."

She stared at him a moment as she reflexively caught the scroll in her hand. "... What?"

"I'm pretty sure I didn't stutter." He shrugged his shoulders slightly. "I'm not interested. See, nice thing about being in charge of yourself. You can use a two letter word when ever you want to. N-o. As in, I'm not doing going to take the mission from them."

"But, you can't just..." Ino stared back at him, her mouth dropped and hanging in disbelief.

"Can, did." Naruto grinned back at her as he held up his wrist, letting the bronze coins shine. "Note, Uzu, not Konoha."

"You can't just... Fine, you want to play it that way, we just go to this village and get them to tell you to take the mission." Ino gritted out as she glared back at Naruto.

"Well, you can try to talk to the village leader, but I'm pretty sure he won't agree to it." He paused, then put the back of his hand against the corner of his mouth. "He's kind of stubborn."

"Where can I find him then?" Ino straightened up as she crossed her arms about her chest, just beneath the soft curve of her breasts.

"Naruto Uzumaki, the totally awesome leader of the traveling village of Uzu, at your service." Naruto waved his hand in a casual manner and nodded his head. "I'm sure you're sufficiently awed and impressed."

"... You can't just declare yourself the head of a village, Naruto." Ino slowly rubbed at her temples as she fought back the urge to scream at the man in front of her. "It doesn't work like that!"

"Oh, I know. I didn't." Naruto nodded his head back at her agreeably. "It's just mine by default since I'm the last of the Uzumaki that's not a member of another village. Since I'm the only whirlpool ninja left, if I want to make the village a traveling one... not really anyone to argue with me on it."

"It doesn't... you can't just... ARGH!" She threw her hands up in frustration before standing up, dusting off her kimono and glaring at the man. "Fine! I'm sure Team 7, the ones still worth a damn, will be happy to hear about how you're still just a worthless traitor."

Naruto's face took on an icy cast to it as he suddenly narrowed his eyes into slits a she looked back at her. "I think it's time you left, Yamanaka."

"I think you're finally right about something, Uzumaki." She snapped off the words as she around and stalked away. "Enjoy the rest of your life, cowering away, traitor."

He waited a moment for her to fully disappear from view, still glaring in the direction she'd left, before slowly relaxing as a sigh rolled past his lips. "Well, that could have gone better."

"Well, it's hardly your fault she's an ignorant little floozy who doesn't know what's really going on." A feminine voice huffed from the female weasel on his shoulder. "And what she calls flirting? I've known..."

"We get the point." The second weasel grumbled lightly as he shook his head. "Can we get some real sake now, or are you going to insist on continuing to drink that swill?"

"Maiko, Takeo?" Naruto paused a moment as he continued to stare out the door. "Shut up."

It was only much later, after she'd managed to calm down, that Ino realized Naruto had never even bothered to open up the scroll, and yet, he'd spoken of the two missing jinchuuriki with a casual familiarity.

-o-o-o-

Soft, warm light poured off the surface of polished bronze and through glass as a string of oil lamps illuminated the long walk leading to a single man, kneeling silently as he lifted a cup to his lips with an efficient grace with his only visible arm. Tight bandages wound around the right side of his face, covering his forehead and down his cheek, hiding anything that might remain of his eye. His left eye was closed, though whether from savoring the quiet sips of tea, or in quiet contemplation was left uncertain.

It was then, that the soft rustling of a thousand wing beats whispered ever so faintly in the air. Caught in the glowing light of the lamps, a stream of white moths slowly fluttered into place, before beginning to gather in a space a good distance in front of him. It was then, that they suddenly seemed to merge and flow, coalescing from a mass of small white bodies into a single, feminine form still clothed in shadow.

For a moment, there was nothing but silence as the tea cup never left the man's lips, before slowly he brought it down, setting it precisely in front of him before he lifted his face up towards the figure. "Was there something I could help you with, Hyuuga-san?"

For a moment, there was a visible hesitance in the figure, then, reluctantly she stepped forward, the shadows melting away before the lamp light as she looked at him with pale white eyes. "Shimura-san. I... I'm afraid that my presence may have... compromised the Hokage's mission."

"Oh? My, that certainly sounds unfortunately." Danzo Shimura nodded his head slightly as he looked back at her, a bland neutrality on his face. "One can only imagine what happened to result in such a thing. For such a _loyal_ and hardworking kunoichi as yourself."

She flinched, visibly at the words, her eyes falling as she took a step back, her face fading into shadow again. "I... He was able to discover my identity, some how. Yamanaka-san approached him as had been planned... but..."

"My, that must have been quite surprising." He nodded his head, quickly lifting up the kettle of tea with his good hand, pouring carefully, precisely the right amount of tea back into his cup before settling it back down, then lightly giving the cup a light, quarter turn. "I can only imagine what his reaction was."

The shadows flinched with her, before her voice drifted out with a hesitant worry. "He... I... Na-na-... U-Uzumaki-san threw his s-sake saucer at me... Breaking my genjutsu, then he tried to... his kunai... I..."

"I see." He nodded his head lightly as he reached down, taking the tea cup between finger and lifting it up a few inches, before deftly twisted his wrist, sliding the porcelain surface against his finger tips as he cupped it in his hand. "I can't say I'm not disappointed... You were making such progress with your... impediment. I'm sorry to see it's managed to return."

Her head bowed quietly, before a light flash could be seen as her eyes seemed to catch on a thin stream of light just right. "I... apologize, Shimura-san. My emotions... I..."

"I believe I have already made my opinion on how the only thing emotions can do, is degrade a ninja's abilities known..." He took a slow quiet sip of his tea, letting his words sink in, before the cup was drawn away from his lips. "But of course, it is entirely up to you how you take my advice, Hyuuga-san."

"Of course... I understand, Shimura-san." She bowed her head lightly, her voice flattening as it slipped down into almost a whisper.

"I knew you would." He nodded his head quietly, another slow sip taken from his cup before he lifted the glass up, as if examining it under the lamps' light. "After all, I'm sure you'd hate to have all those... Things you've done come to the Hokage's attention."

A frown lightly curled at the corners of her lips, letting the light catch along the rim of the cup. "I, certainly, understand the necessity of someone needing to do them. And I'm quite certain Konoha is only stronger for them. However..."

She shifted slightly under that word, fidgeting lightly as he continued his critical examination of his cup before his voice continued. "However, Tsunade-sama does not seem to share my... understanding, and regretfully, she'd most likely be less than pleased to learn of the things you've done."

"I... Understand Shimura-san." The lump in her throat was forced down as she nodded her head quietly, her chin resting almost upon her chest in submission.

"Indeed." He nodded his head quietly before he brought his cup back to his lips and took another quiet sip. "It is quite a shame that your effort to help keep the young Uzumaki in his home did not... pan out as was intended. I'm sure you're hardly alone in your thoughts that he belongs in Konoha. If only had hadn't... protested so violently when you arranged for that meeting with others of similar thought."

Her entire body went still at that, before he could hear the heavy drawing of a deep breath, before it slipped past her lips again, and she spoke in a tight voice. "Indeed... Shimura-san."

"And I'm sure that there are a number of people interested to find out if there is more to know about what occurred before young Naruto-san's... display of displeasure." He took a sip then looked back at her, his head, tilted to the side in a look of patient expectation.

Slowly swallowing the foul taste forced it's way into her mouth, Hinata slowly nodded her head in agreement. "Of course, Shimura-san."


	50. HP: The Boys are Back in Town

Title: The Boys are Back in Town

Disclaimer: HP and Co belong to JK Rowling

Author's Notes: An experimental bit to see if I can properly blend some romance with the action of a caper story. We'll see.

-o-o-o-

Nymphadora Tonks groaned softly as she heard the banging smash of a fist hitting the door to her office and reluctantly lifted her head up from her impromptu nap. A shake of her head and her flesh immediately smoothed, flawlessly and her hair took on a slightly less mussed up look. Thought, it was a bit difficult to look completely professional when it was the color of magenta.

"Wot?" It was a bit more irritable than she meant it to be, but they'd intruded on a damned fine dream! Mr. June from that Yank fireman calendar, whipped cream, chocolate, and things that only happened in mind of over imaginative school girls. And really bored housewives. And really frustrated librarians. And… well, that line of thought was self explanatory.

"Something the matter, Madam Tonks?" The smug little smirk and the knowing grey eyes of one Tracy Davis asked as she half opened the door. "You seem oh so… frustrated."

The door snapped shut to catch the sudden barrage of hexes thrown at her, not to mention muffling the string of curses that followed. An instant later, the red head appeared again. "Now that wasn't very lady like, Madam, what would your mother say, hearing one of the DMLE's senior and most respected Aurors cursing like a common sailor?"

"Stick your head out just a bit more and I might let you find out what mum would say to me hexing cheeky little tart who doesn't know when to keep her mouth shut." Tonks snapped back with a growl as her eyes flashed crimson.

"Oh, no! Do I need to break out the paddle and knee socks?" Tracy's lips bowed as she put a thoughtful expression. "I saw the cutest little pleated skirt the other day, just perfect for a… proper reprimand."

Tonks stared back at the woman for a moment before groaning audibly as she hung her head in her hands, a slight whimper filling the air. "Wot in Merlin's name did I do to deserve a partner like you?"

"You locked yourself up in a chastity belt and turned into a frigid shrew when the war ended?" Tracy offered helpfully with a slight smirk. "And really, I can't imagine how uncomfortable that is, the chafing alone…"

"Davis. Do you have a reason to be bothering me, or do I need to remind you that though my name's Tonks, I've got a _Black_ temper?" Tonks growled back as she glared back at the girl.

"Really, can't a girl have some fun?" Sighing as she mock swooned, Tracy started to turn around. "I just thought you'd want to know Potter's back in town."

Tonks paused. She then blinked, rapidly as the thought filtered through her mind. "… Harry's back?"

"Fresh off a portkey out of Italy." Tracy agreed with a nod as she held up a folder. "And hot damn, I knew he'd grow up to be tasty, but this?"

"Oi, that's Harry you're drooling over!" Tonks half glared back at Tracy and shook her head. "I mean, it's Harry!"

"Yes, well let's see about updating those mental pictures of yours, shall we?" Tracy dropped the folder onto the desk and flipped it open to reveal the first photograph, showing Harry Potter himself.

Tonks paused, before blinking slightly as she stared at the man smirking back at her in an untucked and well made black button up shirt. A buttoned up shirt that had a number of buttons undone, in a most inviting manner. When she caught the wink the photo sent her, she immediately stiffened up, jerking with a slight yelp of surprise.

"From a photograph? Really, Madam?" Tracy's lips twisted up into a smirk as she shook her head and slowly splayed out the remainder of the pictures.

Glowering back at Tracy, Tonks raised her wand meaningfully before she turned her attention back to the pictures. Following at Harry's back was the tall, lean form of Bill Weasley, long red hair pulled back into its usual ponytail with his dragon fang earring visible for all to see. Flanking him, were the twins, Fred and George Weasley, shorter and stockier than their older brother, their eyes still held a bit of the playful mischief they'd been infamous for when they were younger, though it was tempered by the turmoil they'd overcome.

Following them, Neville Longbottom was barely recognizable as he stood taller than the rest of his companions. The slight pudge of baby fat had apparently been burned off, leaving the man's visible arms corded and tightly defined. Calm, relaxed eyes had swept out, and met the photographer's for a moment, probably just as the photo was taken, before moving on.

"So, the boys are back in town." Tonks noted with an honest smile curling over her lips. "About bloody time."

"Boys?" Tracy's eyes were still glued to the photos. "In case you hadn't noticed, they're most definitely all men."

"Can't you keep your mind out of the gutter for five minutes, Davis?" Grumbling softly, Tonks snatched up the photographs before her junior partner could protest.

"Of course I can." The woman huffed irritably as she crossed her arms about her chest, before grinning back at Tonks. "But why should I? It's filled with hot, half naked men and all kinds of delightfully wicked things."

"You're bleedin' bonkers, you are." Tonks muttered softly before shaking her head. "So, they're back. There a reason you're telling me all this?"

"You mean besides the ICW stating they're persons of interest in at least a dozen unsolved thefts and improprieties?" All manner of laviciousness bled out of Tracy's voice as she stood a bit straighter. "We've been asked to take up local surveillance of the suspects."

"Harry? A person of interest?" Tonks' face twisted slightly as she stared back, incredulously at Tracy. "Now I know you're bleeding bonkers. This is Harry Potter we're talking about here."

"Harry Potter, aka James Black, aka Sirius Evans, aka Dudley Dursley, aka Ivan Dumperlittle, aka…" Tracy began to read off the list of aliases from the file.

"Ivan Dumperlittle?" Tonks lips quirked up in amusement at that one.

"The list goes on and on and on." Tracy tossed the file over to Tonks and shook her head, her lips quirking up slightly. "Apparently the Boy-Who-Lived turned into the Man-Who-Steals." There was a pause before she allowed a smirk to cross her lips. "Allegedly at least."

"They do realize he never even graduated from a magical school, right?" Tonks' grinned in amusement back at Tracy, who gave the woman a flat look in turn.

"Since when does that matter when it came to Potter?" Tracy shot back and snorted a bit. "But, yes, they're aware of it. Just like they're aware that he was taking on a Dark Lord at the time." There was a pause as she warily glanced around. "And I did a bit of discreet checking."

"You, discreet?" Tonks sardonically gave the woman a look.

"I'm very discreet, thank you very much." Tracy huffed lightly before her lips quirked up again. "When it doesn't involve a man."

"Didn't you just say Harry was a man?" Tonks interrupted again as she smirked back at the woman.

"And you know I didn't mean involved in that way." Tracy managed a half hearted glower back at the woman before she shook her head. "Anyway, apparently each and every one of their marks is suspected of having dark leanings/ties. Or were found to have them after investigation."

Tonks paused a moment, before canting her head to the side. "So, what're they expecting us to do?"

"Officially?" Tracy flipped through the folder a moment before pointing out a line. "Surveillance and observation."

"And unofficially?"

"What makes you think that…" Tracy couldn't help but laugh at the look Tonks leveled at her. "Right, apparently they've developed a bit of style. The ICW just wants to see copies of the aftermath."

"They expect us to just let them get away with any crimes they might commit?" Tonks frowned slightly at that.

"It's Harry Potter." Tracy answered back evenly. "No one really expects us to try to do anything like that to him of all people."

"Huh. They really think Harry and the boys did all of this?" Tonks tilted her head to the side as she slowly began to leaf through the folder, her eyebrows progressively rising higher and higher up her face.

"You know, it's really creepy when you do that," Tracy stated with a shudder when Tonks' eyebrows reached three quarters of the way to her hair line.

"Hmm?" Tonks looked back up at her before shrugging her shoulders as a smirk curled across her lips. "You know you're jealous of the wondrous-ness that is me."

"Yes, because we all know that I'd so cherish giving up my absolutely bloody fantastic sex life to be an old spinster who'd rather shove her wand..." Tracy's dripping sarcasm was cut off with a yelp, then a muffled squeak as a Tonks' wand flashed out and suddenly she found herself unable to move.

Well that wasn't quite true. She could wriggle just a little bit, as she found herself encased in a seemless bag of stiff black leather from her throat to her toes. Her arms were bound, helplessly behind her back, and she could only bend her legs with an extreme amount of effort as she teetered back and fell gracelessly on her ass into the chair behind her. Her voice was further muffled a hollowed out ball gag that stretched her jaw just short of painfully open.

Nodding in satisfaction, Tonks returned her attention back to the file, as she lightly thumbed through the file, before an appreciative whistle left her lips. "Well, damn. Harry possibly stirred up quite the bit of trouble in Ukraine. And he's the one suspected to have been behind the Volkov and Kozlov jobs?"

Casting a wicked grin over at her glaring partner, Tonks stood up and tucked the folder under her arm. "I think I'm going to have to go have a little chat with him, to make sure that I don't have to worry about any similar... incidents cropping up on his native soil."

"Mmmph! MM!" Tracy twisted, roughly, glaring back at Tonks as a string of inarticulate syllables slurred out of the gag in her mouth.

"What? It's just the new entrapment spell that the Unspeakables came up with. You know, to help subdue more... troublesome individuals?" Tonks paused as she lightly tapped on her lower lip with her wand. "Though, I might've made a few... tinsy little improvements. It should wear off in no more than a couple of hours."

Tonks paused as she pulled her cloak off of a brass hook on the wall and smiled encouragingly back at Tracy. "And I'm sure I got that pesky little tendency for it to turn your clothes into baby oil out. Really, that almost _never_ happens anymore. Toodles!"

Tracy let out an angry scream as Tonks shut the door behind her, before slumping down and glaring at the door.

-o-o-o-

Harry Potter leaned casually back in his chair as his eyes rolled over folded over newpaper in his hand as he took a quiet sip of tea. After the better part of a decade after the end of a war, the Prophet had apparently decided to return to its tried and true roots. Rumor mongering and gossip, with no small amount of slanting one way or the other.

Still, he had to admit, they kept a vigilant eye on the comings and goings of "high" society. Especially the long slew of parties that would be coming up in the near future. Parties thrown in the wake of the anniversary of the Dark Lord's defeat. Parties, he noted, thrown by families quite intent of "proving" they had nothing to do with Voldemort's reign.

"Yes, because we all bloody well know that the Notts had nothing to do with Tom's little rampage." Harry muttered lightly under his voice as he made one particular note.

"Mr. Dumperlittle." The voice was a harsh feminine tinged with a noticeable Eastern Bloc accent as it cut, icily through the air. "I would like to have a word with you."

A light tension quickly tightened Harry's shoulders, but he made no move to respond to the woman's voice as he continued to quietly sip his tea and read over the pages.

"Mr. Dumperlittle, I am not going to just go away because you wish me to." The voice seemed to grow even colder as a slender, calloused hand reached out and plucked the paper out of his hands.

"Oi, I was reading that!" A huff of annoyance left Harry's lips as he turned his attention to the woman and arched a brow behind his wireframe glasses as he set his tea cup down. "And I thought you were looking for some bloke named Dumperlittle?"

"Please do not try to pretend to be someone else, Mr. Dumperlittle, it might have taken us some time to catch up with you, but we are not so easily dissuaded." The woman's features were as harsh as her voice, high prominent cheeks, with a sharp nose. Her bland brown hair was pulled back into an exceptionally tight bun, with coal black eyes staring back at him from beneath thick black brows.

"My name is Harry Potter, lady." Harry shook his head and snorted a bit. "Ask the Ministry if you don't believe me."

"Please, do not play these games with me, Mr. Dumperlittle. Do you know what kind of enemies you've made for yourself?" The woman crossed her arms about her chest and glared back down at him.

"Everyone knows what kind of enemies I've made for myself." Harry muttered sarcastically as he glared back up at the woman. "Like I said, I'm Harry Potter. It's been rather publicized since I was only a year old."

"If you are going to continue this ridiculous charade, Mr. Dumperlittle, I will be involving my local counterparts." The woman inclined her head, her eyes narrowed into slits as she glared back at him.

"Please do. I happen to have quite a few old friends there who will be happy to verify my identity." Harry's voice had gone as frigid as hers as he glared back at her.

"Very well, Mr. Dumperlittle." And then, the woman's face suddenly melted, growing heart shaped and attractive as her bun exploded into magenta locks. "Wotcher, Harry!"

Harry stared at her for a moment, his mouth hanging, before working, wordlessly as he tried to form words. As the woman's lips broke into a victorious smirk, he finally let out a groan, as he caught his face in his palm. "Wotcher, Tonks."

"So, you just gonna sit there, or you going to offer a girl a seat?" Grinning, she cocked her hips to the side and rested a hand just below her waist.

Pausing a moment, he looked up at her before gesturing to the chair across from him. "Go ahead, take a seat. I'm just going to sit here, and see how long I can fight down the urge to beat my head against the table top."

"Sure thing, Ivan." There was a pause, before she lightly tilted her head to the side, her grin growing. "Or, should I call you cousin James? Or, maybe Mr. Evans? Or, how about Dudders?"

"Oh, bloody hell." Harry's groan only grew as he carefully moved his plate of scones to the side then introduced his forehead to the table.

"I'm sure you can do better than that." Tonks casually produced her folder and began to leaf through it. "I mean, from what I can tell, you've become quite the little charmer in these long years out in the cold, away from jolly old England."

"This is because I didn't come to t he wedding, isn't it?" Harry didn't quite look at her, missing the way her whole body went tense at the word. "I'm sorry about that, I really am. I was just a bit... tied up around then. How's Remus?"

"I wouldn't know. You weren't the only one that didn't show up," Tonks answered back evenly as she looked away herself. "I haven't seen him since."

"Wait, what?" Harry's head snapped back around and he stared at her, his mouth hanging. "Remus..."

"Left me at the altar." Tonks fought down the urge to let her fingers fidget about the file in her hands as she gave him an empty smile. "Just told me he couldn't do that to me, then up and ran off like a coward."

"Oh, bollucks." Harry winced lightly as he immediatedly shut his mouth with a click. "Tonks, I'm so sorry, I…"

"Not your fault." Tonks shook her head quietly. "After what happened at the Burrow…"

"Yeah, the Burrow." Harry hung his head for a moment before glancing off into the distance. "All things considered…"

"You just wanted to be out of there." Tonks nodded her head in understanding. "Remus wasn't the same after all that. Not after all those missions he went on for Dumbledore, doing Merlin know what in the aftermath."

"None of us were the same after that," Harry said quietly as he slowly brought his attention back to her. "After everything… After the…"

"I know," Tonks said quietly as her eyes grew distant, remembering the smell of roasting flesh burning magic filling the air.

"I still can't believe he'd do that to you though." Harry cut back in as he looked at her. "I mean… He's Remus! He shouldn't have just…"

"We all made our choices since then, Harry." She offered him a slight smile before slumping back into her chair. "But, Merlin knows I don't think either of us want to talk about this morbid shite."

He nodded his head thankfully. "So, still an Auror I take it?"

"And you're a dirty little criminal." She arched a brow back at him, before her lips curled into a smirk. "Having fun being a bad boy, Harry?"

"I have yet to perform any criminal act that anyone can prove." Harry lifted his head and smirked back at Tonks. "And every crime I've been tried for, I've been acquitted of. Remember?"

"Right." She gave a definitely unlady-like snort and fixed him with a look. "Really, Harry, try that on someone who doesn't know about so many of those escapades of yours before you went abroad."

"I'll remember to try another line when I see Ron and Hermione," Harry noted dryly, before letting his eyes roam over her body. "I'd ask how you keep in such fantastic shape, but I figure you cheat."

"Liberally," Tonks agreed without even an ounce of guilt in her voice. "Benefits of being what I am."

"A cheeky bint?" he asked with an entirely innocent expression on his face.

"Prat." She lifted her nose and gave a delicate sniff. "I'll have you know I'm a highly refined woman of impeccable manners and refined elegance."

"About as much as I am," Harry said back with a grin.

"Why, I never knew Harry was short for Harriet! Tell me, what _do _you use to hide yourself? It's almost entirely convincing! If it weren't for your feminine voice, those big green eyes and pouty lips, I'd never have suspected!"

"I do not pout." Harry crossed his arms about his chest as he settled a glare back at Tonks.

"Whatever you say, Harry Pouter."

"People in glass houses, my dear Nymphadora," he countered with a light rebuke. "You know what they say about stones."

"Well, considering the talk in the office and the speculation I keep hearing about the size of yours and what they go with…" Her eyes had narrowed only slightly, only slightly in response to his use of her full name. "Should I start introducing you to them so they can conduct a proper investigation?"

"Only the cute ones," Harry agreed with a grin, before pausing a moment and glancing around. "Well, the female cute ones. Sorry, but I'm just not a poofer. I know how horribly disappointed some of you girls are at that, but I only like birds, not blokes."

"The fantasies of many a lonely witch will be shattered I'm sure," Tonks said with a chuckle before leaning forward, her eyes twinkling. "So, when did you learn how to be all charming Harry? I remember the stumbling boy who couldn't string two syllables together when a pretty girl smiled at him."

"Well, I didn't really have much choice, it was sink or swim, and well…" Harry shrugged a bit and grinned lightly back at her. "You know how I am when I get in those kinds of situations."

"You manage a miraculous stroke of luck just before you bollocks it all up?" Tonks' eyes were dancing as she said the words.

"Exactly!" Harry agreed with the same unrepentant grin Tonks had worn earlier. "As it happened, I ended up this time, being saved by a bored widow with more time and money than she knew what to do with, and well…"

"My, seducing older women? I never knew!" She playfully gasped out the words, half covering her mouth with her hand. "Should I be worried?"

"Ah, but my dear, dear Nymphadora, in all these years, and all these women, I still only have eyes for you." Harry leaned forward, catching her hand and bringing it to his lips. "And alas, I can no longer deny it!"

Tonks blushed, brightly for a moment, before her fingers gripped, tightly upon his hand and suddenly pulled him forward so her lips were hovering above his ear. "Well then, I've always wanted, my own little boy toy, should I break out the whips and chains, then, love?"

When Harry gave out a startled squeak of shock and his face turning a brilliant shade of red, Tonks let go his hand and smirked back at him. "And thus, you learn, don't mess with the Mistress!"

"Horrible, evil woman," Harry muttered softly as he continued to fight down his blush.

"Heh, if you think I'm bad, you should meet my partner." She laughed softly, before blinking a bit as she tilted her head to the side. "Oh, that's right, you've already met her, she was in your year at Hogwarts. Davis. Tracy Davis."

"Um, never really talked to her." Harry furrowed his brow in thought as he thought back to those years. "She was in Slytherin though, right?"

"Right," Tonks agreed with a nod, before grinning wickedly at him. "And that's probably a shame, from what I understand, she would have made you a very, very happy Boy-Who-Lived."

"If she'd tried, I probably would have either frozen up, or run away screaming," Harry admitted with a wry chuckle. "Not to mention the earful I would've gotten from Ron… not to mention the lecture from Hermione."

"I'm pretty sure she'd only have taken it as a challenge." Tonks barked off a laugh as she shook her head. "But, then, I'm not sure _what_ she was like back then."

"I don't really remember myself, she always seemed to hide in the background from what I remember." Tilting his head lightly to the side, he grinned back at her. "But of course, what could she compare to the luminescent beauty that is you?"

She snorted again as she leveled him with a look. "Save the sweet talk for a some of those simpering, empty headed witches that will throw themselves into your bed at the drop of a hat."

"Heh, they're not the ones worth the sweet talk though." Harry threw her a wink then settled back as he brought his cup of tea up to his lips. "Would you like a cuppa?"

"Wouldn't object to one." Tonks inclined her head agreeably as she settled back into her seat herself and her expression shifted ever so slightly. "What are you planning, Harry?"

"Well, that depends. Who's asking?" Harry smiled back at her as he took a sip of his tea and arched a brow. "Nymphadora Tonks, the Senior Auror, or, the other Nymphadora Tonks?"

"The _other_ Ny-," she started to say, before breaking off with a scowl and correcting herself, "The _other _Tonks?"

"Oh yes, the one that was always tripping over that troll foot umbrella stand, and broke into the Ministry of Magic to fight Death Eaters and save a group of school kids," Harry said with a half wave of his hand and a twinkle in his eyes. "You know, the one that went against the Ministry to help take care of falsely accused, innocent…"

"That was a completely different scenario, and you know it," Tonks interrupted, still glaring at him. "This Ministry…"

"Let how many Death Eaters go?" Harry asked as he stared back at Tonks. "How many murderers and worse?"

"Do you really want to go down this path with me, Harry?" Tonks tilted her head to the side, and looked at him with suddenly hard, heavy lidded eyes. "Do you want to play the game of right and wrong?"

"The question, my dear Nymphadora, is do you want to play that game with _me_?" He tilted his head to the side, emerald eyes suddenly boring into her. And for a moment, they were no longer seated there in that café, on that warm summer day.

For a moment, suddenly they were back in a dark, cold place. Flashes of sickly lights flew around them and over head, highlighting flashes of grinning skull masks set on dark cloaks. Chaos bore down on their ears and the hounds of war nipped at their heels.

In that moment, as she stared back into his eyes, it was more than his gaze staring back at her. There was Molly, and Mad-Eye. There was Ginny and Charlie. There was Cedric and Amos. There was her father and of course Sirius.

All of them were staring back at her with that same look and intensity in their eyes.

That heavy weight was more than she could bear and quickly her gaze broken beneath it and she looked away and she spoke in a soft, whispered voice. "And what, Harry? We're just supposed to turn our backs on what we're supposed to stand for?"

"What are _we_ supposed to stand for? The Law? The Ministry?" Harry asked as anger seeped into his words. "Upholding Ideals no matter what? I _never_ stood for those things. I did what I did for my _friends_, not for the Law, and not for the Ministry."

"And what about what you're doing now?" she asked back as she look back up at him. "Who are you doing that for?"

"There are so many reasons…" He paused and shook her head, before smiling, meaningfully at her. "I'm sure you can figure some of them out."

"You're playing a dangerous game, Harry," she said softly as she finally lifted her eyes and looked back at him.

"Ah, but it's one I finally figured out I aim to win." He grinned back at her, his eyes twinkling merrily.

"I really think you do." Tonks shook her head and stared back at him. "I really think you do.


	51. HP: Snape's Hell

Title: Snape's Hell

Disclaimer: HP belongs to JK Rowling.

Author's Notes: Dammit, stop asking me to share my drugs! I'm not taking any! This is all natural male enhancement!

… Wait. All natural insanity, that's what I meant.

Really.

I'm being completely honest here.

-o-o-o-

Severus Snape was staring in sheer disbelief at the sight before him. Around him, he vaguely noted, crowds bustled and churned with children running and laughing and chatting all around him. Platform 9 & ¾, with the Hogwart's Express looming proudly in front of him.

Only, the disbelief came, because the scene was hauntingly familiar to him, this was the Hogwarts Express, as it had been his first day of school. Just as his own body, down to his ill fitting and miss-matched clothes were. Everything was absolutely identical.

The last thing he could recall... Had been staring into Harry's eyes, Lily's eyes right as...

Realization hit him then. Right as he'd died. And then he'd some how woken up, still standing on the platform to the Express.

Turning his head slightly, he looked up to see a face he hadn't seen in so very, very long. Looking tired and weary, Eileen Snape Nee Prince at least tried to offer him a comforting smile that never quite reached her eyes. It wasn't a surprise, really, he never once remembered any of her smiles ever quite reaching her eyes in all the years he'd known her.

"Go on, Severus. It's time for you to get on the train." The voice wasn't kind, and never soothing, that had simply never been his mother's way, but it was, at least, gentler than it was at times when she'd weight the weight of her loveless life pressing down on her.

"I..." He found his throat, suddenly thick with emotion, though a part of him disappointingly noted that it was not in reaction to seeing his mother alive and relatively well.

"Severus, go." There was a pause, her lips thinning into a pale line. "Unless you'd rather go back home with your father?"

That sent and involuntary shudder through Severus' spine, as the cold pit of dread he'd thought he'd grown past suddenly screamed inside of him.

"Mother..." It was strange, so strange to say that word, and with all the things he wanted to that stern, cold face, but in the end, he settled for a simple nod, and turned his back on her and walked to the train.

As he stepped into the familiar car, he froze as a sudden realization struck him like a bolt out of the blue. Lily. She would still be alive. He could change things, he could...

Slowly he shook his head, uncertain for a moment before he pressed his lips into a thin line of their own. First, he had to find her. After that...

A smile curled over his lips. After that, things could be different. They could make things different.

He moved through the cars quickly, popping into compartment after compartment. There were familiar faces, people who had grown up to find themselves on one side of the war, or another, or simply cowering masses that prayed for deliverance.

It was so hard not to sneer at the last, people who just stood around, waiting, either to be killed or saved, without doing anything to tilt the scales either way.

Then he pulled open the door to a compartment, and froze.

"Hey, Sev. We've been waiting for you."

He'd been hoping, preying for that kind of greeting, a friendly, inviting smile... Only not like this. Not from _him_.

James Potter, 11 years old, smiled back at him, his eyes dancing in that same way they always had, so much brighter than anything he could ever hope to have.

"Why don't you have a seat, I'm sure you've got plenty of questions." James gestured to the seat opposite his own.

Woodenly, Severus couldn't help but do as he was bid, his mind struggling to process what he was seeing as he shut the door behind him. He moved, sitting stiffly, his back ramrod straight, struggling to keep his face in control. Then, he saw her.

Lily Evans, brilliant red hair pleated into a tail on her side, her eyes closed. Just like himself and James, she too was only a mere 11 years old, just like things had been back then. Only, back then, she hadn't been the type to curl contentedly into James' Potter's side with a tranquil smile on her lips.

"Lily, love, wake up, he's here," James said, so softly, so tenderly he almost didn't hear it as the boy shook the girl lightly.

Those beautiful emerald eyes fluttered open, glazed for a moment from sleep, before they quickly came into focus. "Mmm? Here?"

"Sitting right in front of us," James agreed with a light grin. "Of course, I won't object to you spending the ride like you were, but I think that might make Sev here a bit uncomfortable."

"I've died and gone to hell, haven't I?" Severus finally spoke, staring back at the pair with blank, black eyes. "This is my punishment for all the things I did wrong in my life."

"Really, Sev, does this look like hell?" Lily said with a sleepy murmur before she stretched out and then half collapsed draping her arm around James' neck as her head rested on his shoulder.

"Worse than I could ever have imagined," Severus stated flatly as he closed his eyes and took a slow deep breath. "I would have preferred the fire and brimstone."

"Yes, well, tough. This isn't Hell," James said with that oh-so-infuriating smirk of his.

"Well it certainly isn't Heaven," Severus said with a sour mutter.

"Nope, and it isn't Purgatory or any other kind of after life," Lily stated matter-of-factually, "This, is, life."

"Excuse me for finding that rather hard to believe, considering I distinctly remember the pair of you dying, over 16 years before I even _more_ distinctly remember dying myself."

"Death, is only the beginning," James said with a solemn voice that was ruined by the grin that quickly broke out across his face.

"Cliched, but true," Lily agreed, even as she lightly punched James in the side. "You can thank Riddle for it."

"Clarify. Now," Severus said with a growl, as he stood up straighter and loomed forward in what was supposed to be an intimidating fashion.

Lily was visibly less than impressed as she arched a brow, before suddenly standing up, her arm leaving James, as her hands found their way to her hips. "Severus Snape! Don't you _dare_ try to pull that menacing potions professor act on me!"

It had been a long, long time since anyone beyond Voldemort or Dumbledore had been able to actually make him feel intimidated. But, as his occulomancy failed enough for a flash of color to move across his cheeks, suddenly, he actually _felt_ like he was 11 years old again. And getting berated by Lily again.

"... Sorry," Severus muttered softly as he averted his eyes, before glaring back at James who had the audacity, the sheer _audacity_ to send him a look of pity.

"That's better." Lily nodded in satisfaction and again, her lips were split by a brilliant smile as she settled back at James' side.

"Would you _please_," he said the word with a grimace of distaste rippling across his face, "Explain to me what you meant?"

"It was a ritual, the protection Harry got was supposed to be two fold." James said in way of clarification. "Lily's life to grant him protection, my life to destroy the one trying to destroy him. Our sacrifice was found to be worthy. But, he then went and nullified both."

"So, we were left with a debt owed to _us_," Lily said with a brief smile. "So, we got another chance."

"That only explains your presence here. Not my own," Severus stated stiffly as he managed only a mild glare.

"Well, after everything, we figured you deserved a second shot too." James shifted slightly, putting just the slightest distance between himself and Lily. "After a long and thorough screaming match…"

"Discussion," Lily corrected as she glared mildly at James and lightly punched him in the arm.

"So you say," James agreed with a nod, and a wince when she punched him again, harder this time.

"Discussion," she repeated with a glare.

"I swear, if the two of you start snogging I will hex you then oblivate myself," Severus muttered sourly.

"Don't worry, no snogging until Fifth year, we already agreed," James said with a grin.

"He wanted to wait until Sixth." Lily pouted lightly and shook her head. "I'm not waiting that long to get a good snogging in!"

"Lily, I love you, but you look like you're 11!" James exclaimed with a slight scowl of irritation.

"So?" Lily stared back at him, her expression completely lacking comprehension.

"If the two of you would prefer to be alone, I'll be happy to find myself another compartment," Severus said blandly as he started to stand up.

"Oh, sit down, Sev." Lily glared back at the boy for a moment, and shook her head. "I swear, you're just doing this to be a git!"

"Lily, love, he _is_ a git. That's part of the reason we chose him, remember? So we could help... blunt a bit of that edge," James said gently as he lightly patted her shoulder.

"Yes, I know, but he doesn't have to make me want to curse his bits into his bum," Lily said crossly with a huff.

"Whatever issues I may or may not have, I can assure you, I can deal with them quite well enough on my own," Severus stated coldly as he glared back at the pair.

Lily and James looked at each other for, before suddenly burst into laughter.

"... I loathe you," Severus said with gritted teeth, his eyes flicking from James to Lily. "Both of you."

"Sev, seriously, you're like the text book definition of someone who is utterly incapable of dealing with his own issues." Lily giggled softly as she continued to lean against James. "I mean, you spent how many years doing the exact same thing? Lashing out and making things worse and worse for you."

"I am _not _a child!" Severus hissed out, before pausing at the amused smirks that were leveled pointedly at him and he remembered exactly what age his body was. "You know what I mean!"

"Um... E-excuse me?" A worried, timid voice spoke up as an almost unhealthily thin boy with thin brown hair glanced nervously around the compartment. "Is...? Oh, I-I'll find somewhere..."

"Inside, now," Lily demanded firmly as she pointed to the seat next to Severus. "You can sit next to Sev."

"I implore you, if you value your sanity, flee, as quickly as you can from these two," Severus stated forcefully as he recognized the childhood form of Remus Lupin. "They'll only drag you along with them into the abyss of madness."

"I... What?" Remus stared at Severus, his eyes widening in fear, before another face popped up over his shoulder.

"Hey! Is this compartment full up or not? We need to find _somewhere_ to sit," Sirius Black half whined as he struggled to peer over Remus' shoulder.

Lily glanced at James. "I'll get Tweedle Dee, you get Tweedle Dum."

"Right," James agreed as he pulled out his wand seemlessly in time with Lily drawing out hers.

Before Remus and Sirius could register what was happening, Remus was jerked into the compartment then banished lightly into the seat next to Severus. The next instant, Sirius was pulled in, flipped head over heels and back down, then deposited next to Lily. Severus merely glared at the two.

"Must you two be such show-offs?" Severus glowered back at the pair and hissed lightly in irritation.

"What the bloody hell was _that_?" Sirius exclaimed as he stared from Lily, to James, and back again.

The couple glanced at one another, then turned back to Sirius and answered in unison. "Magic."

Sirius glared at the pair. "Of course it was magic! What do you think I am, a mudblood?"

Everyone else in the compartment froze at the word, before James glanced over at a narrowed eyed Severus. "I think it would best if we let Lily handle this one."

Severus opened his mouth to hiss out an acidic respond, before smirking, cruelly at Sirius. "You know, I think you're right, Potter." Immediately, he froze, before grimacing visibly. "I can't believe I just said that."

"Now, really, you think that just become someone happens to be a muggleborn, they won't know anything about magic?" Lily half demanded as she began to viciously poke Sirius with the tip of her wand to accentuate her point.

"OW! Hey! OW! Stop that!" Sirius half whined as he quickly tried to scoot away, his eyes going wide. "It's just an expression! OOOOW!"

"In case you might've not guessed, Lily is muggleborn," James drawled out as he leaned comfortably back in his seat. "If you can find a pureblood who knows as much about magic as she does at our age..."

"Beyond yourself you mean?" Lily threw a look back over her shoulder at James.

"Would I say that?" James put on his best look of innocence, which Sirius and Remus almost bought until Severus and Lily both snorted.

"Yes," Severus and Lily said in flat unison.

"Aaaaaaaaanyway. As you might've guessed, Lily is the oftentimes scary red head. The glowering sourpuss is Severus, and I am the magnificent James!" James declared before tilting his head to the side. "So, who're you two?"

"Um, I-I'm Remus," Remus said, visibly nervous as he stared back at James.

"Hmph," Sirius scowled lightly back at James and Lily. "I'm Sirius..."

"Black, I was wondering where you had ended up." Standing in the frame of the still open door, stood a teenaged Lucius Malfoy, glaring coolly around the compartment. "Your cousin asked me to make sure you... hadn't fallen in with the wrong crowd. Come along, there are people you should meet."

"... And what if I want to stay here?" Sirius asked, his eyes narrowing lightly.

Lucius paused a moment, his silvery eyes narrowing slightly. "Really, Black, you want to hanging out with such... undesirables?"

James subtly met Severus' eyes, and then pointedly glancing to Lucius, before waggling his brows. In response, Severus merely arched a single brow back at the boy. Opening his mouth, James made a show of lifting his tongue and sticking it against the roof of his mouth.

When Severus narrowed his eyes back at him, James rolled his eyes, and mouthed the words 'you know you want to' back at him.

"Who I chose to spend my time with is _my_ business," Sirius said defiantly ignoring the narrowing of Lucius' eyes.

"I did not come all this way to waste my time, Black." Lucius narrowed his eyes slightly in turn. "Do you I would be intimidated by the likes of a few first years?"

Sighing lightly, Severus shifted just a bit and brought the tip of his wand to peak out from beneath his arm. Without even really looking at Lucius, a flash of magic launched from the tip of the wand and struck the teenager solidly on the mouth. As Lucius' tongue shot up and stuck itself to the roof of his mouth, his eyes widened in shock, then anger.

As he struggled to make anything beyond a string of indistinct, unintelligible syllables, he brought up his wand and moved to level it at the group, only make a startled sound as another spell hit him, and he was suddenly flipped to hang from one ankle in mid-air. Still holding onto his wand, he moved to point it towards the smirking Lily who held her wand pointed back at him. Suddenly, he let out a sound that came close to a squeal as his hands turned into insensitive hooves, and his nosed turned into a snout.

"Now, shoo, Malfoy," James made a light dismissive wave of the back of his hand. "The important people are talking here."

"I think you'll have to let him down first, Potter," Severus noted blandly as Lucius began to let out squealing grunts of anger.

"Ah, right, Lily?" James glanced over at her. "Would you mind...?"

"Really, boys, do I have to do everything?" Lily let out a drawn out sigh of exaggerated suffering, before banishing Lucius and his wand to the opposite side of the hall way, then flicking her wrist as he dropped suddenly to the ground. "There."

"Ah, good." James flick his own wand and the door promptly slammed shut in Lucius' face as he attempted to recover his wand and then a few more intricate motions covered the door in a flowing, shimmering light. "There we go, that should do it."

"Really, Potter, is that the best you can do?" Severus sneered lightly back at James, before he brought his wand out and with a number of intricate motions of his own and a muttering under his breath, threw a darker, purplish screen atop James'. "There, _that_ should do it."

Scowling back at Severus, James immediately lifted up his wand and muttered under his breath as his wand began to weave into a quick, sharp fashion, before another layer formed atop Severus' spell. When he glared challengingly back at Severus, Severus sneered softly and began his own motions and muttering. Watching the pair, Lily shook her head and sighed softly.

"They'll be at that for a while. Make sure you give me plenty of time to remind them to take it all down, otherwise we'll never make it to the feast on time." Lily shook her head and glanced at the open mouthed shock on Sirius and Remus' faces. "What?"

"You... you're casting silently! And those spells! Those aren't first year spells!" Remus exclaimed, eyes wide with awe as he stared back at Lily.

"And you just treated Malfoy like he was incompetent!" Sirius agreed staring at Lily, before grinning lightly. "How long is his tongue going to be stuck like that?"

"Oh, depending on whether or not one of us casts the counter to it... it'll probably take them, oh... a week to figure out the counter curse on their own?" Lily glanced over at James and Severus, both of whom absently nodded in agreement back at her even as they continued their contest. "It took about that long for James when Severus first cast it on him."

"... Won't he try and come after us after that?" Remus asked nervously as he glanced over at a suddenly apprehensive looking Sirius.

"Well, if he did that, he'd be admitting that a bunch of first years got the better of him." Lily's smile was down right feral as she grinned back at the pair. "And then we'd get to do things to him where anyone could see..."

"And it would completely and utterly destroy his reputation..." Sirius stared at Lily in awe.

"Mhm. Don't worry though, I'm sure we can help you catch up, at least partially." Lily grinned back at the pair.

"Why are you doing this?" Sirius asked suddenly, his eyes narrowed. "Why us?"

Remus started lightly, before suddenly he too was exceptionally wary as he studied Lily.

"You looked like you could use some friends." Lily shrugged her shoulder. "Plus, James and I are going to need some back up, helping Sev over there not be such a jerk."

"So whenever someone looks like they could use friends, you're like that?" Sirius stated, his expression even more wary.

"Nah, just when we see something special in them." Lily grinned back at the pair, before waggling her eyebrows. "So, are you two brave enough to stick around?"

"Eh, gotta be better than Slytherin and the people my family wants me to get to know." Sirius offered a slight smile.

"I'd... really like to have some friends," Remus admitted quietly.

"Well, congratulations, you've got some now," Lily beamed happily and nodded to the pair, who cautiously returned her smile.

The rest of the ride was rather uneventful, save that Severus and James had to spend the last half of it undoing the spells they'd cast on the door.

-o-o-o-

Severus frowned slightly as he watched The Hat declare Black would be going into Gryffindor, just as it had before. He was, in all honesty, completely and utterly baffled by this turn of events. It was quite obvious that both Lily and Potter had plans for him.

And he was quite certain that any plans Potter made that involved him, would involve a rather unpleasant amount of humiliation on his part. Thankfully, he wasn't the same scared, angry little boy he was back then. Now, he was an angry man, trapped in a little boy's body, with skills to do more than just fight back.

When Lily's turn came, he lifted his head up, and watched. Then, he began to frown. The last time, Lily's sorting had been relatively quickly, before her place in Gryffindor had been announced and he'd been set up to experience the first of the many heartbreaks he'd had because of her. This time, The Hat was taking time, it's indistinct lips muttering something he could quite decipher.

Then the moment came. "GRYFFINDOR!"

He slumped slightly, but nodded his head. Nothing had changed there. He paused a moment and considered, though considering _this_ Lily, that might not be such a bad thing.

So caught up in his musings, he almost missed the subtle glare she'd directed at one of the other first years in their group. Turning his head, he frowned as he tried to place which face it'd been sent towards. Ah, Pettigrew, that was certainly understandable.

Turning his head, he continued to watch the Sorting as the werewolf of course found his way into Gryffindor. Then, it continued, the Sortings the same as his vague recollections allowed, until Pettigrew.

"SLYTHERIN!"

That made him immediately snap his head up, and his eyes quickly flicked over, finding the smug smirk on Lily's lips, and the matching one curling over Potter's own. Immediately an icy pit began to form in his stomach as he watched the small boy nervously make his way over to the Slytherin table. Then, it was Potter's turn.

And again, what had been a brief thing previously was drawn out as The Hat shifted and mumbled words he couldn't make out. With each passing second, Severus could feel the icy pit in his stomach growing. When Potter's grin only continued to grow, and his eyes found his, Severus could feel his stomach drop into the floor as his pale face became even more so.

"GRYFFINDOR!"

And then, it was him.

Warily, he refused to think of it as nervously, he approached the chair and the waiting Hat in McGonogall's hands. It took him a moment to settle into the seat, before glancing warily at the oversized collection of worn fabric and ancient magics. With a final sigh of resignation, he felt the object settled atop his head.

"So, you're the one that I've been told to look out for." It was muttering lightly as it shuffled about atop his head. "Mm, mm, mmm! Plenty of cunning and ruthlessness there. No big thirst for knowledge, not anymore. Though, certainly no stranger to hard work and loyalty."

"Anywhere but Gryffindor," Snape muttered sourly under his breath.

"Oh, really now?" The Hat shuffled about on his chest. "Oh ho, I see, I see. Plenty of courage, just like both of them told me. The courage to make choices oh-so-few could make. You're more like them than you want to admit."

Anger flushed across his cheeks as he clenched his fingers tightly into his pants. "I am nothing like them."

"You are assuredly like them," it corrected gently. "Willing to sacrifice yourselves to preserve what you care about, willing to greet death head on and not flinch or falter. And I can see it in you, the desire to shine. To stop hiding in the shadows and step into the light."

"I _belong_ in the shadows," Snape all but snapped as he glared up at it. "I want nothing to do with the foolish dunderheads who..."

"Ah, so much anger, and so much pain. I've seen so many students like you over the years. This time though, I think I'll do what I should have done instead of what I failed to do with some of them."

"Don't you dare...!" Snape's eyes were wide, panicked as he looked up at it.

"It's not often I ignore a student's wishes, but it seems obvious to me that what you need resides in: GRYFFINDOR!"

As Snape looked over at the table of his new House, he saw the bright smiles on Lily and Potter's faces and couldn't help but let out a light hiss of anger. "I _hate _you."

"So you say now, so you say for now."

Snape practically ripped the Hat off his head and thrust it to a bewildered McGonogall before stalking angrily towards his designated table.


	52. HP: The Black Vow

Title: The Black Vow

Disclaimer: HP belongs to JK Rowling

Author's Notes: AU

-o-o-o-

"She's a what?" Sirius Black was staring, clearly in shock, at his best friend James Potter.

Rolling his hazel eyes, James casually ran his fingers through his unruly black hair then glanced towards his fiancee, Lily Evans. "You want to take this, love?"

"So I can listen to him suddenly start spouting off some sort of immature and ridiculous joke?" Lily asked flatly and shook her head, sending her fiery red hair rippling about her shoulders. "I bloody well don't think so."

"Fine. Lily is a rabbit animagus." James crossed his arms about his chest and glared lightly back at Sirius. "There a problem with that?"

"... You're a stag animagus, marrying a rabit animagus," Sirius said in way of clarification, before suddenly falling onto his knees, staring up at his friend in awe. "Master! I am not worthy!"

For a moment, James and Lily merely stared at Sirius in confusion, before Lily's eyes widened and she groaned, audibly. "Really, Sirius, you can't possibly..."

James turned his head and looked back at Lily, his brows furrowed in confusion. "You actually know what he's on about, Lily?"

"James..." Lily paused a moment as she looked back at her fiancee, before her cheeks flushed lightly. "He's referring to metaphors about the... potency and drives of our respective animagus forms."

"Oh... OH!" James blushed lightly himself, before glaring down at Sirius. "Padfoot..."

"Yes, Milord Prongs?" Sirius was still staring, reverently back up at him, and to be honest, it actually looked half way genuine.

"Honestly, Sirius!" Lily shook her head and rolled her eyes in visible exasperation. "If you're going to make such a show of it, why don't you just make a Fealty Oath and be done with it?"

James' eyes immediately widened and he moved to protest, only to be cut off by the instant shine in Sirius' eyes as he spoke. "Of course! From this day forth, I, Sirius Orion Black, do hereby pledge myself into the service of James Potter and any children he might have! May all Black assets at my disposal be pledged to away from whatever cause they serve and be made anew to serve their needs!"

And in a sudden flash of magic, James turned his head and glared back at Lily. "You're taking blame for any and all repercussions of that."

"Oh, really, James," Lily said with a slight huff of exasperation. "Not even Sirius could cause _that_ much trouble on his own."

As a shiver ran down James' spine, he couldn't help but slowly shake his head. "Oh, how I _wish_ you hadn't said that."

Sadly, no higher powers were listening.

-o-o-o-

With weary eyes, Pollux Black looked at the paper in front of him, October 31st, 1990. It had been nine long years since the Dark Lord had fallen. Nine years in which he'd seen the House of Black decay into nothing but a hollow, empty shell of it's former glory.

He knew the end would be coming soon enough. He could feel it, slowly slipping in with a strangely comfortable chill. Knowing that, he turned his attention to the parchment atop his desktop.

His final Will and Testament.

It had already been submitted to Gringotts and the Ministry weeks before, leaving him with the original while the copies remained waiting for his death to come to into action. Briefly, he considered what he'd done, before a slight smile cracked his lips as he brought his fingers down to lightly brush over the single name listed as beneficiary on the document.

Sirius Black.

There had always been something about that boy. Something off, something different. Something so much more vibrant to him than the rest of their family. Something they'd tried so very hard to crush and destroy. They had even thought they'd succeeded with the news came all those years ago that Sirius had betrayed his blood traitor friends and recognized the glory of the Dark Lord.

Only, as much as he wanted to believe it, it never quite sat right with Pollux. He'd nodded his head to his daughter's ranting, never quite bringing it up that it never made sense for his wayward grandson to have turned his back on everything he'd stood for. Sirius Black had always put his friends over everything else, even his family.

Now, only his grandson and his senile cousin Arcturus were left of the Noble and Ancient House. It fell to Sirius now to determine his family's fate. If he could.

Turning his head, he looked at the sprawling, unmarred expanse of his private copy of the Black Tapestry, and his eyes watered with unshed tears. For all their influence, all their glory, the Black family had fallen into ruin. Somehow, not a single Black had lived to a centennial in over two centuries.

And in that panic to preserve something of their legacy, Orion and Walburga had wasted almost every knut they had in turning their dreary home into a veritable fortress. His remaining sister had long since affirmed herself to the life of spinster hood, and the shining light of his baby sister Dorea had long since gone out of the world, taking her husband and son with her.

Oddly enough, he found his thoughts drifting to his little brother Marius, for the first time in decades as he felt a light pang of regret, not knowing his fate, squib or not. Would he be waiting for him on the other side, or would it be years before he saw his exiled brother again? Shaking his head, his eyes glistened again as he looked over the mark for his son, Alphard, who'd never quite fit with the rest of the family, but had lacked the courage to do anything more than support his nephew who'd had the courage he himself lacked.

He'd passed not long after it had been discovered, the venomous force of Walburga's wrath sending his poor, weak son into a spiral he never recovered. Not that his daughter had lasted much longer past it.

Turning his head, he glanced at the other side of the family tree. There was Bellatrix, of course, who never had and likely never would produce a child, caught up in her madness and lust for her Dark Lord. And Narcissa's boy, his only great-grandson, Draco. He'd wanted to like the child, he well and truly had, but the boy had behaved entirely too much like a miniature version of his father, with too little of beloved granddaughter's cool brilliance.

Of course there was the last name. Oh, how his daughter would have been outraged to see the entries for Andromeda and her daughter Nymphadora shining proud and unmarred. She had been the first of his great-grandchildren.

For a moment, he clutched at the memories he had of her in the glimpses he'd managed to steal watching her life from a distance. She would be finishing up her final year at Hogwarts, in fact, probably sitting in the Great Hall at this very moment, enjoying the great feast. A child so brilliantly full of life, he'd left cursing himself a coward for every time he refused to allow himself to meet her.

Sadly, he shook his head. Now, it was too late. The only way he could have brought Andromeda back into the fold, as it were, would have been to dissolve her marriage to Ted Tonks, and he'd seen the true, pure happiness in his granddaughter to even think she'd ever consider it. But that hadn't stopped him from a selfish indulgence.

The right of stolen blood was almost forgotten, but that had kept it from vanishing entirely. A part of him felt no small pang of guilt on classifying the girl as stolen, but he was an dying man, who grasped for the closest thing he could still have to reuniting his shattered family. Even if it was only known to him and the ancient magics of their family.

With a ragged hiss of breath, he could feel the way everything, suddenly seemed so distant, the world softly blurring out of focus as he fell back into his chair. It was time, now to see just what it was that was in store for him. Forcing his head back, he lifted up his chin and refused to slump and fall into that waiting embrace. He would go as a Black should, stiff backed and proud.

It was with that thought, that the final breath left Pollux Black's chest and still rigid and proud, he passed into the night.

And as he died, the sleeping magics of the Ancient and Noble house awoke to the passing from one head to the next.

There was a moment of stillness to the air before the tapestry began to shift and roll as if to an unseen wind that touched nothing else, save the parchment that held a copy of Pollux's will. While not filled with the kind of sentience that drove a mortal mind, it did have a primal understanding, though without will or drive to act on it's own. It's new Master's oath of fealty, almost exactly 13 years old, filled it with purpose, guidance and direction.

So, it moved, reading what needs its emaciated master thought the subject of his oath needed. Then, following the subtle bond between them, it read what needs the subject himself thought of it. All these things were absorbed, and again, it found itself with direction.

Candidates were drawn out and selected, two deemed too old, others not of the blood that it was bound to. But then, it found the first, so close to its new Master. Too old, but not so old that that couldn't be fixed. But, it was broken, diseased in both mind and soul. Its cause was against the cause the new Head had set himself on.

And his oath offered it a solution. Body, mind and soul were drawn back, mended as it found a place to begin. Gently, soothingly it washed away everything past it, erasing scars and unhealed wounds that had etched themselves upon every part of it. Then, the body was made compatible, suitable for it's purpose.

When it was finished, it sensed the dangers it would be in, in the place it was, so gently it laid it to rest, letting it sleep until it was taken from this place. From it though, it felt the connection to another, and another. But one was broken, fractured. It was so much easier for it to follow the other.

Again, in it, it found a cause against the one who it was bound to serve and see to. And again, it explored, finding the wounds and scars almost infinitely smaller and easier to sooth. But, there were bonds, bonds to another family, another cause, bonds that were quite severed, and with it, emotions and feelings quietly muted and deadened until there were only echoes of what they once were. And then the body followed, made compatible as the first had been.

Wearied now, it found the same link it had in the first, broken and fractured, but easier to follow from two directions. At the end, it found itself confused. This was one that it could not touch, removed from its ties to the family, and yet...

Then it found a fresh tie, the tie that filtered through her to the others. This one, already almost perfect. A small change, made compatible. So much easier then the others.

Feeling a thing akin to satisfaction, it spread itself out, again searching. When it found nothing more, it reached out to each of the ones it had touch, each of the ones it had prepared, and it spun new connections to the one that needed. Once it was finished, it pulled back, and again it went to evaluate those needs.

Immediately it noticed the protection on the home the one lived in. Protection based on blood. Blood that was not Black, blood that the new Head did not share. But it was protection, and a magic as strong and almost as primal as its own.

And from that protection it learned, more and more. Of how the one was safe but not, how it needed to be removed to another place, a safe place with blood like this blood. So, a bargain was met, and the new Head was allowed to share in that blood, so that protection would be spread, so the one could be taken from this place.

With that bond, the two mingled and joined, a unity in purpose as they spread into the new Head. The one would have protection. The one would have family.

But the Head was still trapped in the place with the first. A place it knew the Head didn't belong. Uncertainty, then, sudden understanding as it realized the simplest solution.

Let the world know of the Oath. Let them know and know it was unbroken. Let them know in a way that could not be ignored.

-o-o-o-

Bellatrix Lestrange frowned slightly as she felt a sudden warmth flowing through her veins for the first time since she'd been confined to the prison of Azkaban. It was decidedly... odd. Not unpleasant, not even she would object to a bit of warmth after the better part of a decade under the chill of a dementor's presence.

Almost like she was drifting off into a comfortable sleep. For a moment, she considered the possibility she was in trouble, as she couldn't help but note the cold, dirty walls all around her. Still, she couldn't help but feel it was a familiar feeling she couldn't remember feeling since...

There was a pause, as she frowned lightly and looked at the walls again. Where was she? The last thing she remembered...

It was rather difficult to figure out. She remembered casting... what was it? What had that been? It simply slipped through her fingers. She shook her head for a moment, before tilting her head to the side.

She must be going mad. All the pressure from the wedding coming up, she must've gone and cracked. Yes, that was it. With her mother and Aunt Walburga putting so much emphasis and pressure on the importance of her marriage to Rodolphus. Blacks had to marry pure. They _had_ to.

No matter what. It was something she accepted, easily enough. She was a pureblood. And a Black. And it was very important to...

To what?

Bellatrix Black frowned as she looked around her, before suddenly she felt a shudder of uncertain fear run down her spine. This place... it did not look pleasant. Of course, neither did Aunt Walburga and Uncle Orion's home, so that wasn't particularly surprising.

But, what did everything seem so... big?

It was so hard to think. So hard to keep her eyes open. She could just let them rest for a moment. Yes, that was it, rest.

It wouldn't... hurt... to just... rest.

She slipped, unknowingly int the first peaceful sleep she'd had in years, as the prison of Azkaban remained as chilly as it had before around her.

-o-o-o-

Narcissa Malfoy frowned. It was not the sort of thing she was want to do, but still, the sudden, strange surge of warmth enfolding her was something both alien and familiar all at once. And it left her more than a little worried.

Immediately, she rose up, even as the comfortable pulse tingled across her skin. It was odd. She had no idea what was happening, and yet, still she couldn't quite help but feel at peace with it.

Which meant it had somehow, already reached her mind.

That in and of itself was disturbing in ways she couldn't quite put to words. Here in the heart of Malfoy Manor, she should have been untouchable. Nothing, not even sympathetic magics should have been able to reach her without making their way past the wards and sending up any number of alerts.

But, there was nothing. Not a single alarm had been sounded. Every one of the wards was perfectly intact as far as she could tell.

She needed to find... Lucius. Yes, Lucius. Things seemed to be getting fainter. Her memory harder to hold onto than usual.

No, she corrected herself as she studied it, duller, less vibrant. Less important.

A frown pursed her lips as she glanced back down at her dress. It seemed looser, bigger than it had moment's ago. This was certainly not good.

She moved up to the door to Lucius' study, and reached out and rapped firmly on the door.

"Come in." Came muffled through the door.

Trying to hold onto what grace and decorum she had left, she reached out, taking hold of the door's knob... had it really been that big before? She turned it, and stepped through. There was Lucius, his eyes absorbed on the paper's in front of him.

"Lucius... Something is... wrong." Her voice seemed higher, softer than she really remembered it being.

"Mmm? What is it love? You sound..." There was a pause as he looked up, before his silver eyes widened in disbelief. "Narcissa! What in Merlin's name...?"

"I... I don't know," she admitted, tears in her eyes as she looked up at him, towering over her like he never had before, remembering the comfortable fire of emotion she'd felt for him before, and finding it cooling rapidly. "I just... I'm changing and I don't know _why_."

Instantly he was moving, spells falling onto her in a flurry of motions as he cast every possible spell he know that could divine what it was that was happening to his wife. Then he felt a sudden, dull emptiness spread through him. His eyes widened further and he quickly cast another spell to verify what he'd already feared.

The bond between them was gone. The bond of marriage, the oaths they'd taken. All completely and utterly dissolved. Something that was, should have been impossible.

But it was happening. It was happening and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Before his eyes, his beautiful wife was shrinking, changing. He could only reach out and grasp hold of her, desperately as he felt her body shrinking down until she was barely the size of their own son.

And he could feel the way she didn't try to hold him back.

Slowly, reluctantly he released her, to find himself staring down at a 10 year old version of his wife, who was staring back at him with a wary detachment. Almost not trusting his voice, he spoke. "Narcissa...?"

"I'm still here," she said quietly, her lips curling lightly down into a frown. "I just... I feel so... different. I remember everything."

"Everything...?" There was a slight bit of hope in his voice.

"Even the deplorable mess that was our first attempt at making love." She paused, blushing lightly, as Lucius winced at the memory.

"I was trying..." he said defensively.

"As was I," she agreed with a nod. "We both failed, spectacularly." There was a pause and she nodded her head. "Still, we _did_ get better."

"Then... you remember...?"

"I remember marrying you, Lucius. I remember loving you. I remember carrying around Draco, giving birth to him, raising him..." she said it all, so softly as she averted her eyes. "But, I barely _feel_ anything for it."

His heart dropped in his chest, as he stared back at her. "I... see."

"Did you... find out what it was?" There was a slight, tentative bit of hope in her voice as she looked up at him.

For a moment, he stared back at her, collecting his thoughts silently before slowly speaking. "Somehow... for some reason, you've been..." He paused there, struggling to find the right word against the thickness of his own tongue. "Reclaimed by the Black Family."

"But... but why?" Narcissa's brow knit in confusion. "Grandfather would never..."

"I don't know," Lucius admitted quietly. "But I will find out."

-o-o-o-

Nymphadora Tonks froze with a glass of pumpkin juice half way to her lips as a sudden pulse of magic began to roll through her. Instantly, her eyes narrowed as she glanced around her. The Weasley twins were joking back and forth, making no effort to look towards or away from her. If they'd done something, the pair of second years would assuredly be watching.

Twisting her head, she began to quickly scan from table to table, searching for anyone watching her, anything out of the ordinary. Only, there was nothing. Everyone was apparently just going about their business as usual. No one was paying attention to her in the slightest.

Frowning, she noticed a familiar, but disjointed sensation. She could feel her body shrinking, but she wasn't the one directing it to. Moving quickly, she cast a number of spells across her food and drink, and found nothing enchanted in the slightest.

"Is something the matter, Ms. Tonks?" the kind faced Professor Pomona Sprout asked kindly as she noted the 7th year's casting.

"Someone… did something to me." Tonks insisted as she could feel the way her whole uniformed seemed looser, her sleeves hanging off her wrists. "I'm shrinking, but I'm not trying to shrink."

"Oh, dear." Frowning, Professor Sprout quickly pulled out her wand and quickly cast a number of spells on the girl. "But… that doesn't make sense!"

As Tonks' eyes widened with worry, the woman quickly turned towards the head table and called out. "Headmaster! We need you!"

"Um, a bit quicker would be appreciated," Tonks noted as she studied the way her hand began to both shrink and smooth millimeter by millimeter.

"What seems to be the problem, Pomona?" Albus Dumbledore asked, his eyes twinkling as he glanced over at the slowly shrinking Tonks. "Has Ms. Tonks been the victim of another prank?"

"No, she has not!" Professor Sprout declared firmly before she leaned in and whispered some words into his ear.

Immediately Dumbledore's eyes shot wide open. "Oh, dear." Raising his wand, he quickly began to cast a number of spells onto Tonks, his expression growing graver and graver.

After a moment, in which Tonks was certain she lost a good three inches of height and at least a cup size on her chest, he spoke again. "Ms. Tonks… I was unaware your family had resumed relations with your Mother's family."

"Wot?" Tonks blinked, then stared back at Dumbledore in confusion. "I have nothing to do with the Blacks!"

"And yet, here you are, being affected by the Black Family magic, as only someone who's a part of it can be," Dumbledore murmured and stroked his beard. "Most curious, most curious indeed."

"Wot the bloody 'ell is going on?" Tonks could hear her voice was higher than it'd been before, closer to…

Immediately her eyes widened in shock, as she realized what was going on. "Oh, bloody hell no! I just finished going through puberty! I'm not going through it again!"

"I'm afraid, it looks like you might have no choice." Dumbledore winced lightly as the girl leveled a molten glare on him. "Given the circumstances, and the… strained relations between your family and the blacks, perhaps I should be the one to make an inquiry with the current Black Head as to what, exactly, is going on?"

As the now 10 years old Tonks glared back at him, swimming her now vastly oversized clothes, he turned his head and glanced over at Professor Sprout. "And perhaps you should see about getting her some updated clothing and contact her parents?"

"This isn't bloody fair! I just finished growing those boobs! I want them back!"

"I think you're right, Headmaster," Professor Sprout agreed quickly as watched one of her favorite Puffs look about ready to rip out a dragon's throat with her teeth.

-o-o-o-

Albus Dumbledore frowned lightly as he looked at the parchment in front of him, before glancing over at the head of the Department of Relations with Ancient Houses. "This… Doesn't make sense, even with Pollux Black passing his position of Head of the House of Black to Sirius on his death, Sirius has been in no position to invoke anything."

Before the man in front of him could respond, a familiar, angry voice broke through the closed door. "I don't care _who_ he's in a meeting with! I will see him _NOW!_ This is about my_ wife!_"

Blinking slightly, Dumbledore tilted his head lightly to the side. "I do believe that was Lucius Malfoy… And as I recall…"

"His wife was Narcissa Black," Augustus Binder agreed with a nod of his head, before the door to the office was slammed open.

"Binder!" Lucius was almost frothing, his face flushed crimson, before he caught sight of Dumbledore next to the man he was addressing. "YOU!"

"Lucius." Dumbledore nodded his head before peering over his half moon spectacles. "Perhaps it would be best if you took a moment to compose yourself?"

"My wife has somehow been turned into a 10-year old child, been disconnected with the emotions she has for myself and our son, and has been reclaimed by the Black family!" Lucius snarled back at the man. "One does _not_ compose one's self from that!"

"Ah." Dumbledore nodded lightly as he turned back to Augustus. "Interesting. The same thing, save perhaps the emotional disassociation, happened to your niece."

Lucius immediately stiffened up, his back rigid. "I have no niece."

"Really, Lucius, did you think I would forget about the three sisters Black just because one of them was cast out by her… relations?" Dumbledore pursed his lips and shook his head. "I had thought it was something to do with unattached ladies of the Black family, or something of the sort. Alas, Narcissa being so affected does disprove that idea."

Shaking his head he slowly stroked her beard. "Though, in that case, I'm surprised that Andromeda herself wasn't affected."

"She was cast out," Lucius said flatly as he glared back at Dumbledore.

"And yet, young Nymphadora…" Dumbledore answered back with his eyes glittering.

"Was claimed back into the Black Family by Pollux Black, as Stolen Blood," Augustus said mildly as he glanced from one of the men to the other. "And as I was about to inform you, there is a precedent for something like this happening before. Especially considering the Ancient and Noble House of Black passed into a Fealty Oath last night when Pollux Black died and its new Head was accepted."

"A Fealty Oath?" Lucius Malfoy paled for a moment, before suddenly clutching at the cane that contained his wand. "What idiot would put the House of Black into that kind of situation?"

"Mmm... Well, I was rather shocked when I learned it myself, but Pollux Black placed his surviving Grandson as his heir." Augustus noted as he noted the immediate widening of both men' s eyes. "Yes, quite."

"Oh… oh dear," Dumbledore muttered softly under his breath, before glancing lightly towards Lucius and blinking in surprise at what he saw.

Lucius' face was completely ashen as he looked positively sickened as he posed a question. "Who is the Fealty Oath to?"

"Ah, that's where it gets even more intriguing," Augustus said as he flipped through his paperwork. "Sirius Black entered into a Fealty Oath to James Potter and his children in 1978. It was worded in a way that when he inherited his position, the Magic of the Ancient and Noble house was invoked, and therefore, affected Narcissa, Nymphadora, and… Bellatrix."

Both Lucius and Dumbledore paled further, though for different reasons.

"And the vow is still… unbroken?" Dumbledore asked weakly.

Lucius himself was more distracted by the simple thought of his wife, and Voldemort's most fanatical follower both bound up in an oath of fealty. His face took on a particularly unhealthy shade of green at both thoughts. He only vaguely heard Augustus continue.

"Yes, completely intact and quite strong from what I can tell," Augustus said simply before arching a brow towards Dumbledore. "Which means, I think someone might want to get to Azkaban."

"I… quite right," Albus muttered softly under his breath as he lightly reached a hand up, rubbing against a temple. "And I suppose I'll have to have someone check in on Mrs. Lestrange..."

"Black," Augustus corrected immediately, causing both men to look at him blankly. "Per the magic of the family, their names have been updated. Bellatrix Black, Narcissa Black, Nymphadora Black."

"I..." Lucius swallowed, slowly, taking a deep breath, before his eyes narrowed into silvery slits. "And my son's status?"

"As I haven't seen anything to contradict it, I imagine he remains Draco Malfoy." There was a pause as he arched a brow. "Unless of course you were hoping he ended up something like Nashira Black."

The angry scowl that Lucius sent at the man, made Augustus nod his head. "Yes, I thought not."

-o-o-o-

The pulsing chill of Azkaban has seemed strangely... diminished for the last two days, though, only enough for one Sirius black to wonder if perhaps he'd finally started to grow accustomed to the deeper than bone chill. In that time, he'd never quite seen the crimson highlights that had grown in his hair. Nor had he noticed the slightest shade of jade his previously grey eyes had become.

As he was want to do, he found his mind drifting back towards thoughts of the Potters, and more specifically, his godson Harry. He'd be going to Hogwarts soon, if he wasn't yet. It was so hard to tell how long he'd been here, he couldn't even remember the last time he'd had some semblance of the date.

Only, this time, he didn't imagine the bright eyed boy living in some big house, with loving care takers, happy and healthy as a child should be. No, these thoughts, these imaginations, showed Harry in a far, far different stated. A small, timid child, filled with fear and uncertainty, lorded over by guardians who were apathetic at best and at worst... not quite as foul as his own mother, though close.

That Harry lived not in a massive bedroom filled with toys and trinkets, but in a cupboard under the stairs. A dark, small place of spiders and twitching insects. Lying down without a mattress and only threadbare blankets to cover himself in.

Restlessly he shifted and paced about his cell during those times, trying to drive those thoughts and images out.

But somehow, he could never quite seem to escape them.

And of course, his insane cousin would choose these days to go quiet on him. He hadn't heard so much as a peep out of Bellatrix since the thoughts had started. The kind of silence he'd never heard from her before.

She'd have hours sometimes where she'd be quiet, usually after a frothing fit where she'd work herself into a frenzy then collapse in exhaustion. But she hasn't had one this time. And never before had she been quite _this_ long.

A part of him couldn't help but wonder if maybe, just maybe she'd finally gone and just kicked the bucket. He doubted he'd be that lucky, but still... He didn't know what the thought of her death left him feeling saddened instead of uplifted.

Everything was simply too odd of late.

And now, he apparently had visitors. This was just getting curiouser and curiouser.

"On your feet, Black." The voice sounded like it had just tasted something horribly foul. "You're going for a walk."

"A... walk?" Sirius tilted his head to the side, not quite responding to the voice just yet. "What?"

"I told you to get on yer feet," the voice said with a growl. "The Head Warlock wants you for some Merlin knows reason, and it's my job to deliver you. So, get your arse up and get over here so I can secure you properly."

"Or else...?" There was a pause, and a note of challenge in Sirius' voice as he glanced back at the figure standing past the bars.

"Or else, I have to go and stun you, trust you up myself, and then levitate your damned body out of here myself. In which case, I will likely make damned sure I _accidentally_ managed to hit your head and bollucks against any hard surface I can reasonably run you into," the voice growled back.

"Ah, that kind of or else," Sirius said with a nod and tilted his head to the side as if in consideration, before letting out a weary, theatrical sigh and slowly standing up. "If I must."

"So _glad_ you agree." The words were almost spat out of the man's mouth. "Now get your damned arse up here."

Trying to put up as much casual grace as he could, Sirius stood up, making a motion to lightly brush nothing from the tattered front of his shirt. With an indifferent air, he did his best to stride forward, through his legs would buckle slightly every third step. Finally, he pushed his wrists through the rectangular slot in the barred door.

"Here you go, luv," Sirius grinned back at the figure, revealed to be a glowering man. "Do you want us to give you a kiss to?"

"Only kiss I want to see involving you, is between you and a Dementor, Black," the man said with a glare as he firmly fastened a pair of manacles on the man's wrists, lined with pulsing, angry red symbols.

"Ah, I'm sorry, but they just aren't sassy enough for my tastes. Cold fish they are," Sirius said with a half hearted, lopsided grin.

The man snorted in amusement in spite of himself before glaring back at Sirius. "You know the drill back, back up away from the door."

"Ah but of course." Sirius took a step back, managing a grand bow, before stumbling down and almost falling to his knees.

Walking up the man flicked out his wand and with with a flash, Sirius was lifted up into the air. Manager another weak grin, Sirius pressed his knees together as he said, "Please, do be gentle! It's been so long since I've been properly... shackled."

"Cute." The man shook his head and attached the shackles to Sirius' ankles.

When he dropped to floor, Sirius again stumbled, this time collapsing fully onto his knees. Standing over him, the man shook his head and stepped back out of the cell. "Get up and move it."

"Right, right..." Sirius pushed himself back up to his feet and began to shamble out. "Guards these days, no sense of adventure..."

"You really just aren't right in the head, Black," the man muttered sourly before shaking his head as he flicked a spell towards Sirius as soon as he left his cell and froze him in place. "Now, stay put, I've gotta get that damned crazy bitch of a cousin of yours."

"Wait, nobody said anything about Bellatrix being involved!" Sirius quickly protested as he stared back at the man, wild eyed.

"I did."

"When?"

"Just now," the man said flatly, his back to Sirius as he approached Bellatrix's cell.

"That doesn't count!" Sirius immediately whined.

"Your protests don't count." The man frowned as he looked into the cell. "Oi! Lestrange! On your feet!"

"Since when?"

"Since you were locked up in here," the man responded without looking at him. "Get your arse up, Lestrange! This ain't nap time!"

"That's not fair!" Sirius growled lightly and glanced nervously around. "And really, we don't need her! I'll be happy to go along all by my lonesome."

"Wrong," the man said simply, before muttering an oath and firing a stunner into the cell. He then cautiously opening it and stepping inside.

"I lodge a formal protest at this!" Sirius shook softly as he felt a sudden, creeping chill digging down his spine. "And not to bring about any pressing concerns, but the Dementors seem to be on their way, so, any time now!"

"What do I care about the Dementor's getting in... What the Bloody Thrice Damned Fuck?"

As soon as the words left the man's mouth, a heavy silence descended on the air, and Sirius glanced nervously at the cell. "Um... you ok in there?"

When nothing answered him, Sirius struggled to move against the spell holding him, as a well of panic began to clench in his stomach. "Hey! Sunshine! You there!"

"Oh, keep your panties on, Black!" The voice finally came back as the man appeared again, followed by... something far far too small to be the full grown woman that was Bellatrix Lestrange, even after years of neglect.

"Um... Do I even want to know what you've got there...?" Sirius asked warily as he tried to push himself as far back as the spell restraining him would allow.

"Don't know, don't care. You're carrying her," the man stated flatly with the hints of a cruel smirk on his lips.

"Wait, her? Hold up!" Sirius immediately protested as the figure was levitated over and pushed against his chest, and his suddenly free arms reflexively caught hold of her.

Glancing down, Sirius stared in bewilderment at the almost angelically peaceful looking creature in his arms. Then he got a second look. Immediately, his face paled and he stared back at the man. "You can't be serious!"

"I'm not carrying her, and I'm not wasting the magic to keep up a spell for that long. The High Warlock wants both of you, and he's going to get both of you. Now _move_!"

"I really, really formally protest," Sirius muttered as he adjusted the little girl that was apparently Bellatrix Lestrange. "This is cruel and unusual punishment! And this coming from a guy that's been stuck here for however damned log it's been!"

"Nine years," the man said gruffly. "Almost exactly nine years."

"... Oh." Sirius paused a moment staring back at the sleeping figure of Bellatrix as mental calculations quickly ground through his head. If he remembered correctly, Harry should be 10 years old right now. Roughly the same age Bellatrix appeared to be.

He really, really had a bad feeling about this.

-o-o-o-

"Ah, Sirius, thank you for coming." Albus Dumbledore nodded his head towards Sirius' escort. "Thank you, Edmund, and I do apologize for having to make you go all the way down there. I'll let you know when I might need you again."

The man frowned as he glanced towards Sirius and where he still held Bellatrix in his arms. "Sir, surely you don't mean to have me leave you alone with this... convict."

"Ah, but alas, it would seem that with the rather illustrious times, they went and forgot to give Sirius here a trial," Dumbledore stated with a half smile. "So, I'm afraid, Edmund, that calling him a convict would be incorrect."

"So, what, this is about getting him a trial?" Edmund asked, doubt heavy in his voice as he narrowed his eyes at the blinking Sirius. "And what about Lestrange then? I _know_ she in fact _did_ get a trial."

"Events that occurred to bring to light the miscarriage of justice, also affected young Bellatrix in what is sure to be quite the... profound way," Dumbledore said with a twinkle in his eyes. "I had you bring her to determine just _how _profound, considering what we know of what happened to her sister and niece."

"... Please, please tell me that you mean Narcissa and a daughter she had after I was locked up," Sirius said with a whimper as the bad feeling he'd had earlier only got worse.

"I can, at least in part," Dumbledore agreed with a nod of his head. "Sadly, Narcissa has never had a daughter, at this point in time."

"... And whatever's affecting Bellatrix and Narcissa is also affecting Romeda's girl?" Sirius was deathly pale as he stared back at Dumbledore.

"It was her transformation during the Halloween Feast that first alerted us to the situation," Dumbledore agreed, smiling faintly back at Sirius. "Congratulations, by the way, on your inheritance of the Head of the Ancient and Noble House of Black."

"... Huwha?" Sirius stared back at Dumbledore, his jaw hanging in disbelief.

"Perhaps you would like to take a seat?" Dumbledore offered before smiling apologetically to Edmund. "I'm afraid you'll have to leave us for this next part, Edmund. Private matters, you'll have to understand."

"Sir..." Edmund began to protest.

"Unless, of course, you're under the impression that I can't handle myself against a wandless individual who's spend the last 9 years in Azkaban?" There was a mix of curiosity, chiding and warning in the man's voice as he lightly rebuked Edmund.

"No sir," Edmund agreed with a wince, before glaring at Sirius a moment and stiffly walking out.

A few brief flicks of Dumbledore's wand followed, and suddenly the room was coated in a pulsing incandescent glow from ceiling to floor before quickly fading. Nodding to himself in satisfaction, he turned his head and couldn't quite bring himself to look into Sirius' eyes. "Oh, Sirius my boy, I owe you an apology words cannot express..."

"Excuse me, but I'm still still struggling to overcome the idea that I'm the Head of the Black family. I mean... Both the old codgers passed, and one of them was crazy enough to name me heir?" Sirius breathed out the words as he slowly slumped into a comfortable chair.

"Arcturus still lives, but he has, sadly, become beyond addle-minded. It was Pollux who decided, for some reason known only to himself, that you would become the Head of the Family." There was a pause, before Dumbledore's face grew slightly grim. "Then, there is the matter of your oath and it's... changes. What were you thinking, Sirius?"

"My... oath?" Sirius blinked lightly as he unconsciously shifted Bellatrix about on his lap, his brow knit in confusion. "Um... which oath?"

The look Dumbledore gave him made him shrink slightly into the chair, as he quickly raised his hands in protest. "Whaaaat? You're going to have to be more specific! I've made a few! I'm going to guess you don't mean the one to do my best to get invited to the Harpies' locker room?"

"... No, Sirius, I am _not _talking about that particular vow." The slightest of twitches rippled against Dumbledore's brow. "And what in Merlin's name you think that it was such a grand idea to throw magically binding vows out so... casually!"

"Because I've only got a few of them that are actually binding?" Sirius offered with a shrug. "I really did my best to get invited, I failed spectacularly." He paused, then grinned lightly. "Well, not _quite_ spectacularly, I did get some wonderful dates with one of the chasers."

"I'm referring to one that _was_ in fact, binding." As Sirius furrowed his brow in thought, he coughed softly and said, "The Fealty Oath, Sirius."

"Hmm?" Sirius paused a moment as he continued to furrow his brow. "Fealty Oath... Fealty Oath... Why does that... Oh!" Immediately an expression of comprehension flashed across his face. "The one Lily goaded me into making!"

"... I shouldn't be surprised anymore at my age, and yet, life continues to astound me," Dumbledore said with a soft mutter. "Lily Potter Nee Evans was the one to _goad_ you into making the Oath?"

"Well, in my defense, I had just found out that Prongs was engaged to a rabbit animagus," Sirius said with a hopeful grin on his lips.

"... Sirius, I have long since truly wondered about the sanity of yourself and your companions. I thank you for putting any lingering doubts about whether or not you were truly mad to rest," Dumbledore said slowly and carefully before continuing. "Now that we have covered the fact that you are indeed even more barmy than myself, there is a matter of the repercussions of your Oath."

"Um..." Sirius glanced down at the still unconscious Bellatrix and then looked back at Albus. "I'm going to guess... this has something to do with it?"

"Among other things," Dumbledore agreed as he conjured up a mirror in front of Sirius.

"Ugh, the years haven't been... waaaaaaaaait a second. Is someone playing a prank on me?" Sirius glanced back at Dumbledore. "Come on, Professor, red highlights and green eyes?"

"Yes," Dumbledore agreed with a nod of his head. "Red highlights and green eyes. Rather familiar isn't it?"

"Errr, what would a slight resemblance to Lily have to do with all of this," Sirius couldn't help but ask.

Moving forward, Dumbledore pressed his elbows onto his knees and threaded his fingers together before his mouth. "You see, Sirus, you worded your oath to best support the family, and in this case, Harry's needs. Allowing your assets to be made anew for it in fact. Harry happens to need a continuation of the blood protection his mother's sacrifice lent him."

There was a pause, before his head leaned forward, allowing him to look back at Sirius over his half moon spectacles. "A protection enhanced by him living with someone from his mother's side of his family."

"Meaning, what?" Sirius leaned back into the seat, suddenly acutely aware of just how tired he really was. "And what do you care? It's been 9 years, Dumbledore. Tell me, was I truly so believable as a traitor that it took something like this to make you see the light?"

"As I said, Sirius, there aren't words enough to express the depth of the apology I owe you," Dumbledore said with a resigned sigh. "However, I know that does you little good in the here and now."

"Damned right it doesn't," Sirius agreed with a light growl.

"There is also the matter of the repercussions of your oath," Dumbledore said lightly as he shifted slightly. "Not just in the matter of Bellatrix there, but in the matter of Narcissa and, more importantly, I think, young Nymphadora."

"Oh... oh bugger." Sirius paled dramatically as he glanced around. "Um, I suppose I'm going to be sent back to Azkaban in the mean time? Around those nice, safe dementors?"

"I'm afraid you're scheduled to have a hearing shortly," Dumbledore said with an apologetic look on his face. "So, your reunion with your beloved jailors will have to wait."

"Dammit, you're going to make me go free, where _she_ can get me, aren't you?" Sirius whined softly as he pouted up at the older man.

"Why Sirius, I have no idea what you could mean." Dumbledore gazed down at Sirius over his half moon spectacles. "I'm doing this so that you can take care of Harry." There was a momentary pause as he looked back at Sirius. "You do want to take care of Harry, don't you, Sirius?"

"… Oh, do you know how much I hate you?" Sirius glared balefully back at Dumbledore.

"Now, now, I come bearing lemon drops." Dumbledore smiled lightly as he lifted up a small bag of candies and shook them in front of Sirius' eyes.

Sirius froze lightly, his eyes following the bag hawk, before he suddenly shook his head violently. "No! You can't bury this one under a bag of lemon drops!"

"How about an Ever-Full bag of lemon drops?" Dumbledore continued as he kept the bag swaying back and forth in front of the man's eyes.

Sirius stared longingly at the bag, before again, shaking his head. "No! Not this time! I will not be bought off by candy! I will not be assuaged!"

"I see." Dumbledore nodded his head sadly as he tucked the bag back into his robe and looked mournfully back at Sirius. "Please, Sirius, you must take responsibility for the actions and choices you've made. For Harry's sake."

"I still hate you." Sirius grumbled lightly and glowered back at the man before standing up and setting the still sleeping Bellatrix on the chair. "If I'm going to do this… Shave. Haircut…"

"Two bits?" Dumbledore asked helpfully.

"I'm going to need a damned sight more than two bits for this. NINE years! _NINE_!" Sirius glared back at Dumblefore, before continuing on. "I was going to say I'll need some new robes and some freshening charms if I can't have a shower."

Sirius paused a moment as he glanced back at Dumbledore. "I'm going to assume they aren't giving me a chance to have a fresh shower, now are they?"

"Well, yes…" Dumbledore agreed with a wince, before holding up his wand and suddenly beaming. "But I'll be happy to take care things!"

"I know." Sirius nodded his head and closed his eyes as he spread out his arms. "And since I can't convince you to put me out of my misery…" He paused there opening an eye. "You sure I can't?"

"Quite positive my boy," Dumbledore admitted mournfully. "But look at it this way, this is for Harry's greater good."

"Fine, let's get it over with." Sirius grumbled softly and closed his eye again.

And so, Dumbledore went to work, his wand flicking delicately with his wrist as magic began to flow towards Sirius.

Immediately the difference was recognizable. Fine black hair was untangled as clumps of dirt, dust, oil and all other manner of decontaminates evaporated, and split ends seamlessly merged back together. Another slightest flick, and the lightly rolling locks were trimmed to an elegant length just against his shoulders.

A moment later, the scraggly beard that had extended down a somewhat respectable distance from Sirius' cheeks was similarly cleaned. Then, there was a quick trim, as gaunt cheeks were hidden beneath a carefully trimmed beard with a curling mustache. A flick, and Sirius fought back a yelp as his thick brows received a slight bit of change, being plucked and sculpted just enough to give a well kept appearance.

Then, Sirius could feel a slight scrubbing sensation, gentle and slick moving over his skin as years of rot and grime were banished beneath a warming exfoliation. He fought down a yelp at as a bit more pressure than was needed was applied to his bum, and he dared crack open his eyes a moment to glare back at the man. Dumbledore grinned back unrepentant.

Then, the flow of magics reached out into the tattered prison uniform he'd warn for years, and the very fabric itself unraveled, the threads transfiguring into longer, thinner, finer material. In an instant, it began to reweave itself about Sirius' body. A second instant later, Sirius stood there, dressed in an impeciably tailored purple, double breasted suit with buttons and black suede shoes, complete with a slightly tilted trilby hat atop his head.

When Sirius felt the flow of magic and spells inevitably halt, he cracked an eye open to find himself standing before a full length mirror. Turning slightly, Sirius allowed a light smirk to place across his lips as he twisted and turned. Finally, nodding his head he stepped aside and glanced towards a pleased looking Dumbledore.

"Not bad, you do good work," Sirius said with a nod.

"Yes, I always did have a certain desire to pursue a career in the cosmopolitan arts… Alas, my father thought it was unbecoming. As did Gellert, and Nicolas, and…" Dumbledore paused, his face coloring lightly. "Well, I'm sure you can extrapolate the long list of names that followed."

"Well, let me know if you ever need a reference." Sirius lightly tipped his hat to the man before grimacing lightly. "I suppose that it's time for use to continue then?"

"There is the matter of your 'young' charge." Dumbledore nodded his head towards the still sleeping Bellatrix.

"What are we even going to do to her?" Sirius muttered aloud as he stared down at the rather angelic looking little girl before glancing back at Dumbledore.

"Well, first matter is of course, ascertaining whether or not she still maintains any… visible signs of her loyalty." Dumbledore noted, as he reached down and gently rolled up the girl's sleeves.

Both arms were completely and utterly bare of anything except dirt and grime.

"It would seem, her previous affiliations have been… wiped clean as it were. Still, we cannot do much until we learn of what has been done to her mind." Dumbledore noted, before gently waving his wand over Bellatrix's form.

A few moments later, the suddenly cleaned up girl was wearing an almost doll-like dress of white, trimmed in a shade of winter blue, with small little flower patterns spreading across it.

Sirius snorted lightly in amusement. "You know, she always hated those kind of dresses."

"Really? Why, I never would have imagined." Dumbledore nodded his head a bit before smiling blissfully back at Sirius. "Then I suppose it's a good thing she's otherwise indisposed, now isn't it?" He paused a moment, before pulling out the bag of lemon drops again. "Lemon drop?"

"… I'm still not forgiving you that easily." Sirius grumbled, but none-the-less took one of the candies, much to Dumbledore's enjoyment.

-o-o-o-


	53. Naruto: How to Train your Uchiha

Title: How to Train your Uchiha

Disclaimer: Um… I make no apologies, I stand firm and resolute! You shall not make me feel guilt or remorse for this! I am unrepentant!

And Naruto Belongs to Kishimoto.

Author's Notes: It bit, it bit hard and it wouldn't let go.

-o-o-o-

It had started off as more of a joke than anything. He'd picked up the class more on a whim than anything. Plus, spending a bit more time around one of the few people he tentatively called his friends didn't hurt.

Naruto Uzumaki was sitting as attentively as he could as he listened to the instructions the instructor, an older girl, was giving. He glanced over at where Kiba Inuzuka was sprawled out and only half paying attention to the lecture his older sister, Hana, was giving. At least until Hana had enough of his inattention and brought up a spritzer bottle and squirted it directly in his face.

"Bad Kiba!" Hana reprimanded with a loud, forceful voice.

"Gaah! Hey! Stop-!" Kiba immediately scrambled about in his seat, flailing lightly as he tried to evade the cold water being shot at his face. "I mean it!"

Hana was relentless however, as she spritzed him again and again. "I told you behave! You _will_ pay attention!"

"Ok, ok! Just stop it already!" Kiba whined softly, half glaring back at her even as she paused and gave him a stern look.

"You had best behave. I meant it, Kiba." Turning around, she looked at the rest of the class. "What I just demonstrated was negative reinforcement. Notice how I kept my voice firm, but not angry. The water bottle helps and see how much more attentive he's being?"

As one, everyone's eyes turned away from Hana and onto Kiba, who shrank lightly under the scrutiny but kept his attention on his sister.

"Now, the thing about negative reinforcement, is that you can't only give it to them. Otherwise, they start to resent you," Hana said as she continued, gesturing towards Kiba. "Note how he's now obviously paying more attention. Normally, we'd wait a bit longer to have him prove that he's actually paying attention instead of just playing along to try and get out of more spritzing, but for the sake of the demonstration…"

She pulled out a candy and held it up, as Kiba's eyes visibly lit up before she threw it to him. "This is positive reinforcement, where you reward them for behaving. You have to make sure that they're actually doing what you want, and that your treat is something they want as well."

There was a pause as Kiba noisily devoured the candy, before she looked back over the group. "And you have to be careful about how often you reward them. If you do it too often, you run out of treats and money, and they become rather spoiled. Too little and they stop thinking they'll be rewarded."

Grinning, she glanced around the small group and reached down and scratched behind the ears of one of the three dogs at her feet. "A good idea is to start off with doing it more often, then slowly make them have to do more bit by bit. It takes time and patience."

Catching the eyes of the various students, she offered them a bright smile. "It's all about establishing Dominance. Who's the one in control, or, most basically, who's the follower and who's the Leader."

She paused at that before glancing around. "And you have to be careful, after all, if you keep forcing them down and being mean to them, they'll eventually turn around and attack you. Just like we would with a bad leader."

Then she reached down and hugged on one of the dogs. "But if you do it right, then you'll have a loyal, and obedient friend for life."

Those words immediately stuck in Naruto's mind, as he quickly, feverently began to jot down everything she'd said.

-o-o-o-

Naruto frowned lightly as he watched the rest of his classmates and pondered which one he really wanted to make his new friend. It would have to be someone almost as awesome as he was of course. Someone who keep up with him when he was doing awesome Hokage things. Someone like…

"Sasukeeee-kun!" A chorus of voices squealed out, jolting Naruto out of his thoughts as his eyes narrowed in irritation at the quiet boy's entrance.

Dammit, they were always squealing about him. Top of the class, always beating everyone at almost everything. They just kept going on and on about how awesome he was!

Naruto froze at the thought, before slowly an almost maniacal smile spread across his lips.

Now he just had to figure out what kind of treats the Uchiha liked.

-o-o-o-

Sasuke frowned as he looked up from the fresh sliced tomato he was about to eat and saw Naruto watching him. Again.

He'd been doing that a lot lately. And rubbing his hands together between scribbling away in that notebook of his. And cackling to himself.

Even Iruka-sensei had seemed to be getting a little worried. The blond hadn't even done more than half hearted pranks for quite some time. It was starting to get almost scary.

He watched as Naruto grinned broadly then went back to scribbling away in his notebook.

He wasn't sure what the boy was up to, but he knew he'd most likely be suffering through it in some way or another.

-o-o-o-

Sasuke wasn't the easiest person for Naruto to follow. Naruto had figured out that relatively quickly. He was constantly watching the world around him, constantly trying to stay aware. Constantly paranoid in fact.

Then again, losing your entire clan in a single night was bound to have not so nice consequences.

Still, he was undeterred, and he had the time. Not to mention, Sasuke didn't really have any friends. Nor did he have any acquaintances.

He just went straight from the Academy to the training grounds near his home, then home.

Occasionally, he would even stop and pick up some food on his way back from training. It took three times before Naruto thought to actually start documenting exactly what it was Sasuke was buying. It took over a month before he finally noticed the pattern.

Tomatoes.

Everything else seemed typical food stuffs, but, Sasuke had always made sure to get extra tomatoes. Tomatoes, tomatoes, tomatoes!

It was almost disappointing. Why couldn't Sasuke like something cool like ramen. Or, why couldn't he just like something typical, like candy?

Then, he suddenly realized one, tremendously important fact.

Tomatoes, he could buy seeds for and grow himself relatively cheap.

-o-o-o-

"… What the hell are you doing here, Uzumaki?" Ino Yamanaka glared at the boy with indigo eyes from just over the counter she sat behind, the instant he walked through the door.

Naruto paused a moment then looked around, before his head hung and he frowned slightly before starting to walk right back out.

"That was very rude, Ino," Inoichi Yamanaka chided his daughter from behind the counter and gave her a look. "Apologize to him."

"But it's Naruto! He's a freak! Nobody likes him!" Ino whined softly as she looked back up at her father with wide, trembling eyes, before freezing as she saw a flash of real anger bubbling up inside of her father's gaze.

"You do not talk to people that way, Ino. Not your comrades. Apologize, _now_," he said with a firm voice lightly tinged with anger.

Naruto had frozen when Inoichi had told Ino to apologize. Slowly, warily, he looked back over his shoulder and blinked a bit. Ino's father was indeed staring down his daughter.

"But he's always doing stupid or creepy things!" Ino whined softly. "If he's not playing those stupid pranks, he's practically stalking Sasuke-kun in class!"

Naruto blushed brightly and glared back at Ino. "I am not stalking him!" There was a pause before he huffed lightly. "I'm researching!"

"No matter how much research you do, you'll never be as cool as Sasuke-kun!" Ino declared firmly.

"Why would I want to be like him?" Naruto stared back at Ino, frowning lightly. "He spends all his time training! He never has fun! All he does is go to school, go to the training grounds and occasionally buy some food on his way home where he stares at pictures then goes to sleep!"

"Ha! You are stalking him!" Ino crowed triumphantly.

"Ino… First off, it's called shadowing. It's an essential part of intel gathering," Inoichi corrected before he frowned at her again. "Secondly… You. Still. Haven't. Apologized!"

"But… It's Naruto!" Ino repeated as she stared incredulously at her father.

"Now," Inoichi said firmly.

"… Fine," she said before turning back towards Naruto and mumbling something under her breath as she refused to quite look at him.

"Look him in the eyes and speak up, young lady," Inoichi stated simply as he crossed his arms about his chest and looked back at her expectantly.

Shooting her father a death glare, he remained unaffected and merely arched a brow expectantly. After another moment, Ino's shoulders slumped as she visibly deflated. Turning her head, she looked at Naruto and grudgingly said, "I'm sorry."

"We'll work on your apologies another time," Inoichi said simply before turning his attention to Naruto and smiling. "Now, what can we help you with today, Uzumaki-san?"

"Oh, I realized I'm in the wrong kinda place anyway," Naruto said sheepishly as he scratched the back of his head. "I need tomato seeds, not flowers."

"Ugh, tomatoes?" Ino's nose wrinkled lightly. "Who likes those things!"

Naruto paused, staring at Ino for a moment, before suddenly bursting out into laughter.

Ino stared at Naruto for a moment, before pointing at him as she looked at her father. "See, daddy? He's weird and crazy! This is why no one wants to be friends with him!"

"… Actually I think it's a little more than that, Ino," Inoichi chided lightly before walking around the counter and squatting down in front of the practically giggling Naruto, smiling lightly. "Want to let me in on the joke?"

Pausing a moment, Naruto froze before he looked over at Ino warily before shrugging his shoulders helplessly.

"Don't worry, I can keep a secret. I promise," Inoichi said seriously, his eyes twinkling merrily.

Warily at first, Naruto leaned in and whispered into Inoichi's ear.

Inoichi paused a moment, before barking off a laugh. "Yes, you're right, that _is_ funny."

Naruto nodded his head vigorously back, still grinning broadly.

"What's so funny?" Ino demanded as she glared at her father and Naruto.

"Sorry, that's classified," Inoichi said with a completely straight face before turning back to Naruto. "Why don't I help you get those tomato plants and you can tell me what you're planning with them."

Naruto blushed a moment, before squirming lightly. "Do I have to?"

"I think it would be a good idea," Inoichi agreed with a nod of his head. "It helps to bounce plans off of someone, especially someone more experienced."

"Oh… Ok…" There was a pause as Naruto eyed Inoichi warily. "You're not going to try and stop me like Iruka-sensei, are you?"

"As long as you're not plotting treason," Inoichi paused a moment before tilting his head to the side. "Or doing something that will cause massive property damage, mass panic, or severe unrest."

"Um…" Naruto visibly thought as he started to walk out of the shop with Inoichi. "I don't _think_ I am…"

"Why don't you tell me and we'll figure it out?" Inoichi asked as he put his hand on Naruto's shoulder and led him out of the shop. "I'll be back later, Ino, watch the shop until your mother gets back."

"But, but…!" Ino started to protest, vainly as her father walked out of the shop and the door shut behind him. "He's Naruto!"

Sometime later, Inoichi returned to the shop, a satisfied smile on his lips, and a twinkle in his eyes that spoke of assured amusement for some time to come.

-o-o-o-

"Heya, Sasuke!"

It was Naruto. Smiling, happily his eyes almost dancing, with his whole body looking like it was vibrating with excitement.

Sasuke had never felt more terrified of the blond boy in his life. Not in the soul crushing, vengeance inspiring way _that_ man did. No, this was something different, something alien.

Something that worried him.

"What do you want, idiot?" Sasuke growled lightly, shoulders hunching, body curving forward as if to loom over the brightly smiling boy.

Splurt! Sasuke immediately recoiled as the spritz of cold water hit his face.

"Bad Sasuke!" Naruto declared in a firm, chiding voice that somehow seemed to remind him of his parents as he pointed the spritzer at him. "No insulting me!"

Sasuke froze in the process of angrily wiping the water from his face and stared incredulously back at Naruto. "… What?"

"I said, no insulting me," Naruto said as suddenly, he seemed to be the one looming over Sasuke.

However, Sasuke refused to back down that easily. "I'll call you whatever I want, idiot-!"

His hand moved, trying to block the spray of water he just knew was coming, only to flinch as Naruto had angled his arm down and the splash of water struck his face from below, straight up into his nose. Sneezing reflexively, his hand dropped, only to feel another spray hit him straight on.

"No! No insults!" Naruto insisted as he shook his head empathetically.

Growling softly, Sasuke's hands came together as he moved through the familiar signs of his grand fireball technique. As he opened his mouth to inhale, suddenly another spray of water went straight in. Immediately, his technique was completely broken as he began to choke can cough as the water went straight into his lungs.

"And no trying to kill me either!" Naruto gave him another good spritz just to make sure as he glared back at Sasuke.

For a moment, Sasuke managed to halt his coughing long enough to look up and absolutely _glare_ at Naruto before he resumed almost hacking up a lung.

When he finished, he paused a moment, his black eyes burning a moment before he settled for glowering at Naruto. "What the hell do you want i-... Naruto?"

For you to stop insulting me." Naruto explained patiently as he looked down at Sasuke and smirked softly.

"... This is what you've been planning? To get me to stop insulting you with... with... a water bottle!" Sasuke stared at him, mouth almost hanging in disbelief, before growling. "Yooooou...!"

Splat!

"We'll have to work on your temper too." Naruto nodded his head pleasantly and continued to grin broadly back at Sasuke.

"... What the hell is wrong with you? You think I'm just going to stop insulting you because of a stupid little spray bottle?" Sasuke stared at Naruto, his disbelief visible in his eyes, while he watched Naruto's grin only grow in size.

"Nope!" Naruto shook his head before reaching into a pouch at his side and pulling out... a cherry tomato? "I have treats too!"

There was a part of Sasuke that immediately realized there was something frustratingly familiar about this scene. Something that was practically screaming it in fact. That Naruto had gone and taken some idea or another too far.

But he couldn't quite put his finger on what.

"... You think giving me a tomato is going to make everything all right?" Sasuke just... stared at Naruto, his mouth hanging in disbelief.

"Home grown," Naruto agreed with a sage nod of his head as he lightly jingled it in front of Sasuke's eyes.

"Did your parents drop you on your head as a child or something?" Sasuke couldn't help but ask as he stared back at Naruto.

For a moment, something flashing across Naruto's eyes, as his smile cracked slightly and suddenly seemed forced and plastic. "My parents died in the Kyuubi attack."

Feeling a sudden sinking in his stomach, Sasuke couldn't quite look at Naruto before he suddenly stuck his hand out. "Just give me the damned tomato already."

"Are you going to stop insulting me?" Naruto asked warily as he held the tomato just out of reach.

Irritation flashing across his eyes, Sasuke glared back at him before giving a curt nod. "Fine. I'll stop insulting you."

And again the smile was real as Sasuke could feel the tomato dropped down into waiting hand, stem still attached. Bringing it up to his eyes, he eyed the fruit for a moment and frowned just slightly before he glanced back at the still brightly grinning Naruto. It certainly _looked_ fine.

Refusing to look intimidated in front of Naruto, Sasuke steeled his nerves and brought the tomato up to his lips before slowly taking a bite. When the piece of tomato his his lips, his eyes immediately widened. It was incredible.

He wasn't even aware that his eyes had closed. Nor was he aware of the even broader grin that was curling over Naruto's lips. Finally, he shook his head and blinked lightly as he came back to his senses and stared at Naruto with wide disbelieving eyes.

"Where did you get this?" Sasuke half growled half begged as he stared back at Naruto.

"Grew it," Naruto said cheerfully and grinned back at Sasuke. "You like it?"

"Please tell me you have more!" Sasuke's voice was not desperate, he refused to acknowledge even the possibility of something like that. The Uchiha were _never_ desperate.

He simply had a vested interest in finding out the answer.

"Oh, I might." Vague, slightly smug, broad grin. Crap, Naruto knew he had him.

With an audible groan, Sasuke finished off the rest of his current tomato and glared back at Naruto. "What's it going to cost me?"

When Naruto swung an arm around his shoulder, Sasuke couldn't help but feel a cold chill of dread race down his spine. "Well, let's have a talk about that, and what awesome future awaits us both."

An incredible, glacial chill that reached out and grabbed hold of him in the depths of his bones.

-o-o-o-

Naruto couldn't help but grin, broadly in fact as he returned home that night. Things had gone even better than he'd hoped! Sasuke was a prick, sure, but all those extra little hints Inoichi had given him worked out great!

And he'd gotten invited to Sasuke's home, and to his training sessions.

Ok, so maybe he'd gotten his ass kicked by Sasuke, but he learned a helluva lot more than he did from all those stupid academy spars. He'd even managed to make Sasuke eat dirt a bit. And he actually got to actually find out what was wrong with his throws.

Thankfully it had been without him having to ask. At the Academy, he'd always got those cold, disinterested looks from the teachers when he'd asked for help. They'd do it of course, but they made it obvious they had little interest in actually helping him.

So, he'd stopped asking.

But now, Sasuke was apparently really impatient about him doing things right. He'd had to spritz him but good to get him to say things politely. Then, when he was done, he'd given him one of his fresh grown tomatoes just to be sure.

He didn't want to rush into things too quickly. That wouldn't be good. Inoichi had told him to go slow, to ease Sasuke into his new role. So he couldn't just start having him do all kindsa fun, awesome things yet.

That would take time.

Time he had. And if it proved how awesome he was, all the better! He would show everyone he was the most awesome thing ever! He'd make them believe!

-o-o-o-

Iruka Umino frowned lightly when he saw Sasuke Uchiha walk into the room next to Naruto Uzumaki of all people. Sasuke was scowling, but making no move to make the blond boy leave him alone. Naruto, Naruto was smiling, broadly, his fingers threaded behind the back of his head and strutting almost like a peacock.

It was strange. No, scratch that, it wasn't just strange it was bizarre. It could even be called unnatural the way they sat next to each other, without so much as a word of protest from the Uchiha beyond the slightest of scowls.

It meant one of two things. Either Naruto had something on Sasuke, something big, something humiliating, something world shaking. Or…

No, they were only 10 years old. Too young to be doing anything like _that_. Definitely not.

Iruka shook his head and fought down a shudder.

So, that meant that Naruto was somehow blackmailing his classmate. Only, Iruka had no proof. Suspicions were well and good, but a shinobi needed proof to make an accusation like that against a native villager. Especially one like Naruto.

This would require delicate work and considerable effort. For a moment, he glanced over at Mizuki, only to note that his friend didn't seem to have even noticed the interaction between Naruto and Sasuke. Mizuki never cared to pay attention to Naruto, not when he could help it. Not surprising, but more than a little frustrating as it meant it always fell to him to keep the boy in line.

Sighing softly, he cast another look at Naruto and Sasuke, his eyes narrowing as the pair spoke up in a hushed tone, Sasuke shifting irritably as his voice came out just a bit louder, a bit harsher than Naruto's own. Loud enough for Iruka to make out some of the words.

"I don't see why you wouldn't give me more, I want it, you know I do."

Iruka blinked, then blinked again at the words, as Naruto whispered something insistently back to Sasuke, causing Sasuke to color slightly and scowl even harder.

"Of _course_ I'm going to behave! Who the hell do you think I am?" Sasuke was visibly struggling to force the color off his cheeks. "It was just… so good, I want more!"

Iruka stared. It was only years of training that kept his jaw from hanging in shocked disbelief. And then Naruto smirked and whispered again and he desperately wished he could hear exactly what he was saying. Sasuke colored again and glared back at Naruto.

"No, I don't want to be punished again! No, I don't! I meant it! You keep that…that you-know-what away from me!"

Naruto's grin grew triumphant, as Sasuke's shoulders slumped at his next words.

"Yes… it was much better after we worked up a sweat, but that doesn't mean I don't like it without it!"

Iruka felt light headed as he reached up and rubbed his temples. He did not want to think about this. No, he didn't. He was only supposed to be having to worry about fan girls at this stage, the boys were still supposed to be ignorant of those things.

He was not supposed to be having to deal with kinky sadomasochistic relationships developing among pre-teens!

Took one last look at the pair, before shaking his head and firmly putting it out of his mind. Technically, they were both emancipated. There was nothing he could do about their relationship and no one for him to talk to about it with them both being orphans.

He really, honestly just did not want to think about it. It made him think about some of the comments Mizuki had dropped when he'd first started up at the Academy, and he didn't even want to think about those. Talking about how close comrades could get, the kind of intimacy that was shared, how sometimes you had to use people… Thankfully that had died down after a short bit, he really, really didn't want to think about what Mizuki was hinting at asking him.

Hopefully things with Naruto and Sasuke would be the same.

-o-o-o-

Ino gaped as she watched her Sasuke-kun, even if he didn't know it yet, sit down next to Naruto like they were friends.

"… I want it, you know I do."

Friends, really close friends, yeah, that was it, definitely. It _had_ to be it!

"… it was so good, I want _more_!"

Ino's eyes were saucers as she couldn't help but gawk at the pair as the words couldn't help but leave her lips. "No way…"

"No way what, Ino?" Sakura asked as she caught sight of where Ino was staring. "You're not going to beat me to Sasuke-kun!"

"Naruto already beat us both," Ino said with a mumble as she continued to stare at the pair.

"What?" Sakura blinked at that, her eyes confused.

"Sasuke is with Naruto. Naruto of all people!" Ino whined softly as she shook her head. "I… I don't even want to think about what Naruto's doing to Sasuke-kun's poor body!"

"Sasuke and… Naruto?" Sakura paused, her eyes unfocusing as she pondered that thought. "Doing things…?"

Suddenly the image of Sasuke and Naruto were stripped down to bare, naked torsos in her mind, their bodies pressed to one another, hot, glistening. Almost glowing as they touched each other. Slowly, tenderly exploring….

"Ehehehehe…" Sakura's eyes glazed over fully as a slow trickle of blood began to slowly flow out of her nose.

"…" Ino stared at Sakura for a moment, before growling softly. "Dammit, this is all your fault, Daddy!"

-o-o-o-

Sasuke frowned slightly as he sparred against Naruto. It was better than the contact attacks on training posts, Naruto never actually held it against him when he hit him in the ring. But, Naruto refused to stay down. And he kept improving.

Quickly.

At least he had once Sasuke had finally lost his temper and yelled at him for being so damned sloppy. That had earned him spritzing. Then he'd had to explain things all over again. Politely.

It was humiliating, and at the same time, frustrating, because it was becoming less and less frequent. Mainly because it seemed to be working. He was deferring to Naruto more and more.

He was getting used to the blond boy's constant presence in his life. He was getting used to helping him improve. And what was worse, he was getting used to the insane, off the wall and impossible insights that Naruto seemed to come up with.

Now, whenever they fought, Naruto gave as good as he got. His style had evolved, from a wild, undisciplined mix of street brawling and basic academy taught taijutsu, to a tighter combination of brawling, Uchiha and academy styles that sacrificed a great deal of elegance and precision for power and unpredictability. Though, now there was a great deal more elegance and precision than Naruto had ever shown before.

He couldn't help but sigh softly as he glanced over at where Naruto was practicing with kunai and shuriken. It was incredibly frustrating watching the blond work on things. He seemed to have an instinctive grasp of the spacial information. Better than his own.

And he always seemed to know _exactly _where to aim that damned spray bottle to reach the maximum effect.

Plus, he had those damned, irresistible, absolutely incredible tomatoes. They were practically a spiritual experience. And Naruto was the only one who had them.

He's checked. Hell, he'd even managed to get tomatoes grown from seeds at the exact place Naruto had gotten his. They just weren't the same.

Somehow, some way, Naruto had done something to them. Sasuke had spent days trying to figure it out. Watching Naruto, studying him, following him, and he could honestly say, he probably knew more about Naruto than anyone else.

But there was _nothing_ that explained why those tomatoes were just so much better other than where they were grown and that he was the one to grow them.

He'd even tried growing them upside down just like Naruto did, and they never seemed any better. Though, it did keep the bugs off of them, and allow him to have more in a smaller area. That was handy for his regular tomatoes.

The Naruto ones he wasn't allowed to touch unless Naruto let him. The last time he'd tried, he'd been spritzed, and then summarily booted out of the apartment. He'd had to go the rest of the day without another one of those tomatoes.

He wasn't willing to suffer through that again willingly.

"Hey, Sasuke!" Naruto's voice broke through his thoughts as the boy appeared in front of him.

"… Yes, Naruto?" he asked warily, resigned to the fact that whatever the blond asked, he would be agreeing to it.

"I think it's time for your first prank!"

His head hanging for a moment, Sasuke considered the words in his head, before letting out a soft sigh and nodding. "Yes, Naruto."

-o-o-o-

With a half an ear, Inoichi listened to the various gossips being whispered around him. What he heard, made him stop, pause and then finally chuckle. Apparently the sudden 'relationship' between Naruto and Sasuke was the current hot topic.

He'd almost fell over laughing at the accusation Ino had leveled at him when she'd come home from school the other day.

And then he'd heard a similar thing being muttered by one of the Academy instructors, one Iruka Umino.

It apparently spread like wildfire from there, and of course, as rumors went, mutated from there.

He almost choked on his food when he heard someone actually hit the nail completely on the head.

Still, that one had actually been laughed down, so he hadn't had to actually do anything. It wouldn't do for all his fun to be ruined just yet. Not when there was so much more entertainment waiting to be had.

-o-o-o-

Mizuki banged his head against the table as he avoided looking at The Pair. That was how he had to think of them these days. You never saw just the demon brat or just the Uchiha monster. No, it was always the two of them.

And they were always pulling _something_ off. Today was no different. Well, it was different, in that for once the prank wasn't on himself or one of the other members of the staff.

No, this time it was snakes and toads being dropped down on every single member or former member of the Sasuke fan club. By the look of smug satisfaction on Sasuke's face, he was at least aware of the prank. By the nodding look of content satisfaction on the Uzumaki brat's face, the Uchiha was most likely completely responsible.

Naruto then slipped Sasuke a small red… cherry? Mizuki blinked in confusion as he watched the Uchiha look gleeful as he promptly popped the tomato into his mouth. Then a look of bliss crossed Sasuke's face as he happily consumed the fruit.

That was… odd.

Immediately Mizuki's mind raced through the possibilities. The sudden closeness, the inseparability. The way the Uchiha seemed to hang on whatever Naruto said. And now, Naruto was feeding him? It was so obvious…

Obviously somehow the kyuubi had exerted some kind of fiendish aura to enthrall the vulnerable Uchiha. Now, he was firmly in the demons' thrall. To the point of almost worship!

He'd have to be careful around both. The Hokage wouldn't ever move on his precious pet demon. Not to mention the fact that they would just ignore all the obvious signs.

But if he stayed here… No, he couldn't risk the possibility the Demon brat affecting him like that. He had to get away. Somewhere he wouldn't likely be exposed to the little monster.

Maybe he could look into gate guarding until he found something better?

-o-o-o-

Naruto wasn't sure how to feel, exactly as he looked over the intricate, detailed plan in front of him. On one hand, he could feel a swell of pride in his chest at the effort Sasuke was making to impress him. Not to mention the hopeful look on the Uchiha's face. On the other hand…

"This won't work."

He winced slightly at the crestfallen look on Sasuke's face, before he felt the slightest irritation when Sasuke took on a sullen glare that had been seen less and less often of late.

"And why not? It's a great plan!" Sasuke protested with a half glare. "Everything's planned out! _Everything_!"

"Exactly why it won't work," Naruto agreed with a nod. "No room for things to not work right."

"… That doesn't make sense," Sasuke stated with a frown as he crossed his arms about his chest.

"Well, what happens when something doesn't go right?" Naruto asked simply.

Sasuke stared back at him, a flash of irritation rolling over his eyes. "What part of _everything_ planned out don't you get?"

"Ok, go ahead with it," Naruto said with a shrug. "Just don't say I didn't warn you."

"Hmph! I'll show you!"

-o-o-o-

"Don't say it!" Sasuke growled over his shoulder as he dropped down into his seat next to Naruto, his face half stained in some kind of colored dye. "Not one word!"

"Or else?" Naruto was frowning now, his hand reaching meaningfully towards his pack.

Sasuke froze in response, before looking at Naruto and trembling just slightly. "Or else… or else…"

When he failed to come up with anything, Naruto suddenly smiled back at him and nodded, looking entirely too smug. In response, Sasuke couldn't help but do something he hadn't done since the massacre. He pouted.

Naruto looked at him for a moment, before shaking his head. "I told you so."

Sasuke only pouted more in response.

"So, what went wrong?" Naruto asked curiously as he glanced back at Sasuke, still waiting for their new teacher to come in.

"Some little brat running away from a ninja," Sasuke said reluctantly. " Tripped me up so all three of us ended up in it."

"See why I said it wouldn't work?" Naruto asked curiously.

"Just because one thing went wrong and a completely random chance…!" Sasuke started to protest.

"Look, I might need a little work on my other skills…" He glared back at the look Sasuke gave him. "But I know my pranks! The more you try to plan for, the more things can go wrong!"

"So?"

"They will go wrong! It's like someone wants out there just wants to ruin your really good pranks before you can even do them! You have to always be ready to change! Otherwise they get you!" Naruto paused, muttering under his breath. "Every time, they get you, no matter how awesome it would have been, every frigging time!"

Sasuke could only stare at Naruto as the boy continued his angry, quiet muttering.

Omake:

"Sasuke! Are the subjects prepared?" Naruto grinned maniacally as he rubbed his hands together as lightning chakra sparked from one coil over head to another.

"Yes, Master!" Sasuke agreed eagerly, nodding his head. "The coils are prepared! The infusions are ready! The arrays are all green!"

"Yesssssss!" Naruto cackled softly as he rubbed his hands together. "For too long they mocked my brilliance! For too long they have demeaned my art! But now… noooooow they shall know my brilliance!"

"Yes Master!" Sasuke nodded quickly as he gestured towards the stormy sky over head. "Whenever you're ready!"

"Good!" Naruto cackled softly as suddenly a swarm of Narutos appeared around him, each moving into different positions. "Now, begin Nature chakra infusion!"

"Roger!" The various clones agreed as they put their hands on seals surrounding a sheet covered set of tables. "Nature infusion is a go!"

"Yessss!" Naruto nodded his head quickly before turning to Sasuke. "Sasuke! Lightning chakra!"

"Yes, Master!" Sasuke made a motion towards the sky, and suddenly the crashes of lighting were streaming down, striking the coils over the table.

"More! More! My creations must have life!" There was a pause, before Naruto began to cackle madly as whatever was beneath the sheets began to immediately grow dramatically in size. "Yesssss!"

"It's working Master! We're reading chakra systems forming!" Sasuke said eagerly as he looked up from his panel and continued to call down the lightning.

"And now for the final, ultimate touch!" Naruto crowed as he was suddenly encased in a cloak of bubbling, demonic chakra. "Kyuubi chakra!"

And suddenly, the entire lab exploded, dispelling the clones and sending Sasuke and Naruto flying.

After taking a moment to center himself again, Naruto reached up and rubbed his chin. "Hrm… maybe that much Kyuubi chakra was a tad overboard."

"Master! Look!" Sasuke pointed towards where the white sheets were shifting restlessly, before falling away to reveal what was beneath.

"Success!" Naruto was on his feet, cackling madly. "And they said I was mad! Soon, soon the Land of Vegetables shall pay for their close minded foolishness! Soon, they shall fall beneath my Attack of the Killer Tomatoes!"

"Tomatoes, Tomatoes, Tomatoes!" Sasuke agreed quickly, before looking at the gigantic fruit. "Can't I have just one, Master?"

"No!"


	54. HP: Responsibilities

Title: Responsibilities

Disclaimer: HP belongs to JK Rowling.

Author's Notes: Sirius decided that if he couldn't take care of his responsibilities himself, he'd call in a favor to have someone do it for him until he could.

-o-o-o-

Sirius Black frowned slightly as he looked across the elegantly dark club and took a moment to glance back at where Remus Lupin was nervously letting his eyes flit about.

"Sirius, are you sure we should be here?" Remus glanced at the frowns sent their way by the relatively young, and darkly dressed men and women strewn across the club. "Maybe come back when business isn't so heavy?"

"You mean, when we don't stick out so much." Sirius grunted softly and shook his head with a bitter laugh. "No, this is the best time to get this taken care of."

"Don't you two dirty old men have somewhere else to be?" One of the waitresses wrinkled her nose in disgust as she glared at the men.

"Yup." Sirius agreed as he smiled at her wanly before purposely stepping past her.

"Hey! Where do you think you're going?" The woman grabbed at Sirius' arm, only to blink as the man determinedly walked over to a door guarded by a slender, pale skinned man who arched a brow at the display.

"Evenin'," Sirius said with a nod of his head to the man. "Tell whatever the hell he's calling himself this week that the Black Grim and associate is here to see him."

The man's lips twitched just slightly before he nodded his head and pulled a radio up to his mouth. "Sir, there's a gentlemen here to see you. Says to tell you that the Black Grim and associate are here to see you."

"Oh, send them up already, before they make people run away in disgust." A voice could be heard crackling back, irritation audible. "And tell that idiot he better have a damned good reason for not looking presentable in my establishment!"

As the waitress reluctantly released him at the words and started to walk away, still glaring at him, Sirius made a slight imploring gesture towards the radio, with a hopeful look on his face. The guard's lips actually turned up into a smirk and he handed the device over to Sirius. Sirius hovered his thumb over the talk button and glanced questioningly back at the guard. At the man's nod, Sirius grinned and pressed the button.

"Oh, but, I'm sure I could think of a number of them, but most of them would end up with you wanting to parade me about like some kind of gaudy strumpet, acting like I was a star you plucked from the heavens themselves when the gods weren't looking," Sirius said over the radio before releasing the button and grinning as he offered it back to the man.

"... Just send the cheeky bastard up already." The voice grumbled back over the radio, prompting the guard to bow dramatically to the pair as he opened the door and gestured inside.

"Why, thank you, good sir!" Sirius strode forth into the hallway, towards the stairs at the end of it with his head held high, while Remus nervously followed after.

"Sirius, I truly hope you know what you're doing," Remus muttered softly as the door shut behind them. "I don't even want to think about what kind of man keeps a vampire for a guard."

"Picked up on that, did you?" Sirius chuckled a bit and nodded his head. "Right, well, it's really simple. A stuck up ponce of a vampire who's still more powerful than the guy down stairs."

"Excuse me for having fashion sense and an ability to act with charm and wit." A new voice cut in from the top of the stairs in front of them. "Instead of merely getting by boyish, schoolboy wordplay."

Standing with a frown on his lips, was a rather handsome man with black hair and slate grey eyes, wearing an impeccable suit.

"Ah, heya, Reggie." Sirius nodded a moment as he looked up at the man who seemed barely out of his teens. "You're looking good. But, I imagine you already knew that. How's death treating you?"

"What I'm more curious about, is how the _hell_ you even knew I was still alive," Regulus Black said as he glared down at Sirius with slitted eyes.

"Ah, but we both know you aren't." Sirius shrugged his shoulders quietly. "I played a hunch, and well...here we are."

"Yes, well it was that or a permanent death, and I wasn't particularly in the mood to meet her just yet. At least not at the hands of _that_ abomination." Regulus shook his head and sighed softly as he turned around and walked back into his office. "Well, get up your good for nothing arse and that mongrel friend of yours up here already."

"... Sirius, are you telling me that's...? But... but he's supposed to be dead!" Remus paused a moment, before his eyes flattened into slits. "Wait, who the hell does he think he's calling a mongrel?"

"The werewolf!" Came down from the office before Sirius could respond.

"Vampire senses and what not. And so was Peter, Remus." Sirius shook his head and pulled Remus after him.

They entered a tastefully decorated office with comfortable looking black leather chairs and a couch, with Regulus sitting behind a black desk, a pair of tumblers set out in front of matching chairs, a bottle of whiskey open and waiting. "I honestly don't know what your pet drinks, so I just poured him some of the whiskey I remember you adoring so much."

"Thanks." Sirius took a seat as he stared at Regulus, his hand resting above the glass, his fingers holding onto it like a spider.

As Remus took the other seat, Regulus watched the look on Sirius' face and shifted just slightly, his brow arching in irritation. "What?"

"Just… Odd," Sirius stated before he lifted up the whiskey and took a momentary sip. "15 years later… And here we are."

Regulus inclined his head just slightly. "What do you want, Sirius?"

"A favor," Sirius said simply as he took another slow sip from his whiskey.

"That's disturbingly vague," Regulus noted as he quietly watched Sirius with calculating eyes. "Of course, I never recall you ever asking me for a favor before, beyond that one."

"You turned me down that time too." Sirius agreed as he lightly cradled the drink in his hand and stared back at Regulus. "In fact, I think the start of that conversation was the last time we had a civil conversation until now."

"It was." Regulus nodded and turned around in his chair as he looked out over the club. "For what it's worth, I should have done it."

"We all made our mistakes back them," Sirius stated quietly as he couldn't look at either Regulus, nor Remus. "Trusted people we shouldn't have, didn't trust people we should have."

"And look at where it got us." Regulus turned around and stared at Sirius. "You were thrown into prison for something you didn't do, and being something you never were. And I damned myself to this, forsaking everything that mattered to me, everything I cared about."

"You seem to be doing well for yourself," Sirius noted as he took another sip of his whiskey, before a slow smirk curled over his lips. "Lovely birds you've got working for you."

"The more spirited ones are less likely to let someone take advantage of them, nor me." Regulus paused a moment, before sighing slightly. "Go ahead and say it, Sirius."

"Say what?" Sirius blinked slightly, confusion written across his face.

"'I told you so' or whatever variation of the theme you want to go by." Regulus shook his head and looked back out across the club. "Ironic, don't you think? The very champion of the ideas of pureblood superiority is living, breathing proof of its fallacy."

"I wasn't planning on saying anything like that, honestly." He paused a moment, staring back at Regulus carefully. "You found something out about Vollie, didn't you."

"More than most would ever dare to imagine." Regulus turned his head back to Sirius. "But I'm going to hope that isn't why you're here."

"It's not," Sirius agreed as he stared down into his tumbler. "I need you to do something I can't, because of that damned Ministry."

"What sort of something?" He arched a brow lightly. "I am a legitimate business man, Sirius. If you're looking for something… unsavory, I'd advise you to look elsewhere."

"I'm already going to be smuggled out of the country by someone who is much better qualified to do so." Sirius shook his head slowly before taking a slow deep breath. "What I want, is something less and more."

"Sirius, what exactly are you talking about?" Remus spoke up again as he narrowed his eyes at him.

"I'm going to be only remotely available for who knows how long, Remus." Sirius tilted his head slightly to the side as he glanced at his friend. "And, no offense, but you know nothing about living or how to be a man."

"… What the HELL is that supposed to mean?" Remus let out a low growl as he suddenly hunched forward, eyes flashing dangerously.

Only, Sirius simply arched a brow back at Remus, clearly unimpressed with the display. "Why was it that Harry only met you again this year?"

Remus flinched back at that, immediately looking away as Sirius kept his eyes locked onto Remus. "When was the last time you were able to be with a woman without saying that you had to leave for her own good? For her protection? When have you been able to stop hating yourself for what you are and live?"

Remus flinched again, then again, as Sirius shook his head sadly. "You're my friend, Remus, really you are. But you know nothing about being a man."

"And you do?" Regulus asked blandly as he arched a brow at Sirius, who in turn met his stare with one of his own. Finally, after several long moments, Regulus nodded his head slightly. "A point. But, you think _I _do?"

"Look at yourself and then look at Remus," Sirius stated flatly and arched a brow. "How many times a week do you take a bird or two to bed?"

"It might even be three if I'm feeling particularly adventurous," Regulus noted blandly before his eyes narrowed again. "But, again, I want to know what this has to do with the favor you want, Sirius."

"I want you to do a bit of what I should've been doing the last 12 years. Teach my godson about being a man and how to make a bird's knicker's drop." Sirius tilted his head to the side, before a smirk curled over his lips and a twinkle danced over his eyes.

"What?" Remus' exclamation was louder and more pronounced than Regulus' own, but the pair spoke the word practically in unison.

"He's knows nothing about how to act, nothing about what to say, and almost nothing about who he is," Sirius said simply and shook his head sadly. "He's capable of absolutely amazing things, but he needs to have the confidence to pull them off."

"And thus… you're asking me to teach him how to get… what, teach him how to get shagged rotten?" Regulus arched a brow slightly as he kept his expression absolutely neutral.

"And how to figure out who he is. How to be confidant in who he is. He can do absolutely amazing things, but that's only when he stops thinking about it." Sirius shook his head, his eyes growing distant. "I don't want him to end up wasting his life because he doesn't know any better."

"No, you're not asking for much, not at all," Regulus drawled out as he tilted his head to the side. "So, that's it, help him figure out who he is and how to properly use his confidence? No magic, no secret dark secrets, no phenomenal fighting skills?"

Sirius looked back at Regulus and smirked just slightly. "I figured just those two things would be impossible enough for you."

"I don't want to get involved in another war, Sirius," Regulus said softly as he glanced away. "Regulus Black is dead. He died a very painful death thanks to Voldemort."

"I'm not asking you to. I'm asking you to help my godson learn how to be a man. Not how to fight, not how to cast magic…" He paused a moment, before a light smirk curled over his lips. "Though, you might finally be able to beat me now, 12 years in Azkaban is sure to have dulled my edge."

"Why me?" Regulus looked back at Sirius, studying him quietly. "You know I left you to rot in Azkaban."

"What could you have done? You were a dark creature by then, a Death Eater, and any number of other things. Lucius would have just thrown money out to discredit you and see you destroyed along with me. Everyone else left me to rot in Azkaban." Sirius shrugged a bit and didn't even bother to look at the flinch Remus made. "Well, everyone except Harry, but that was to be expected. Remus, Romeda, Dumbledore, Moody, and so many others should have known better."

"Then why me? You just said it yourself. I'm a dark creature. I'm a former Death Eater. What you're asking me to do risks exposing me and destroying the entire new life I built for myself." Regulus leaned forward and met Sirius' eyes with a steely gaze as his eyes suddenly seemed to darken. "So, why would I do this for you?"

"Because I'm asking," Sirius said softly as he looked back at Regulus. "Because he's suffered as much, if not more than us because of Voldemort. Because he deserves more than this. Because…"

"Please, spare me the melodramatics, Sirius." Regulus grimaced lightly and shook his head. "Save them for the huddled masses and impressionable fools."

"Doesn't make it any less true." Sirius pointed out with a light smirk.

"You enjoy being a showman entirely too much." Regulus grunted sourly. "You could have simply said the truth."

"The truth?" Remus couldn't help but ask as he blinked incredulously at Regulus.

"Teach the kid to get shagged and be happy as a go bugger yourself to Riddle," Regulus said simply as he arched a brow at Sirius. "That is basically what you wanted, yes?"

"Pretty much." Sirius nodded his head and grinned back at Regulus. "Interested?"

"There is the matter of my fee," Regulus noted as he arched a brow back at Sirius.

"That being?" Sirius asked, his eyes growing guarded and wary.

"There is an… item at Grimmauld. An item I left in the care of Kreacher to see destroyed." There was a pause as Regulus tilted his head to the side. "An item that belongs to Riddle. The item he killed me for discovering."

"What about it?"

"I want you to make certain it is destroyed. Take it to the old fool for all I care, but I want that thing and the wretched piece of that tainted soul it contains destroyed." Regulus spat out with a growl before he glared at Sirius and Remus. "And I want an oath, out of both of you and the boy that my existence will _not _be revealed, to anyone."

"Without permission," Sirius qualified as he arched a brow back at Regulus challengingly.

"Good luck getting it," Regulus stated flatly in turn.

"Sirius, I'm not sure I really feel comfortable with this," Remus said as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"Yes, well, tough," Sirius stated flatly and glared at Remus, causing the werewolf to flinch lightly. "You threw away your chance to have a say in Harry's life a decade ago."

"That's not fair, Sirius…" Remus began to protest.

"What's not fair is what you did to Harry." Sirius growled out softly. "What's not fair is you leaving me to rot in Azkaban without even trying to talk to me, or investigating into things. What's not fair, is Wormtail getting away, Harry and me having to face a swarm of dementors and me being unable to clear my name so I can properly take care of Harry, all because you bloody well forgot to take your Merlin damned potion!"

Remus seemed to finch back at the words, shrinking into his seat as a light whimper almost seemed to fill the air beneath Sirius' glare.

"So, we are agreed I suppose?" Regulus tilted his head to the side again and studied Sirius, ignoring Remus entirely.

"Do I need to set up an access to funds?" Sirius asked warily as he looked back at Regulus.

"No, not particularly." Regulus waved his hand negligently. "Consider it my contribution to sticking it to him." There was a pause before he pursed his lips. "Though, if you could bring me father's Time Turner, it would help."

"You think it will take that long?" Sirius winced lightly and nodded his head just a bit.

Regulus gave him a flat look in turn. "Did you or did you not inform me that he has had quite a bit of trouble with his confidence?" He shook his head and raised his hand. "Trust me on this, I've had to take in an urchin or two before… It takes months and months to get things sorted. Don't worry though, I plan to keep him on Aging potions for most of it so he'll age mentally faster."

"Aging potions?" Remus' eyes widened before he turned his head towards Sirius. "Sirius, you can't possibly be willing to let Harry… those won't let him age at all while he's on them! Not to mention the long term effects…!"

"Long term affects that are documented as only happening after decades of dependence on them." Regulus said with a drawl. "Really, Sirius, must you have such an uneducated pet? At least Potter knew what he was talking about what he gave in to outrage."

"All the world's a stage," Sirius said vaguely as he waved his hand and glanced back at Remus. "It's the best solution for what he's planning." He paused before glancing back at Regulus. "I'm going to assume you want to use it to help him build up his confidence?"

"Yes, well it would be rather hard for an under-confident 13 or 14 year old to go around seducing women. Once I've made proper progress, then we can work on things without the potion." Regulus agreed again, before glancing back at Remus and frowning lightly. "Can't we simply oblivate him? He's practically radiating squeamishness."

"I'm debating it," Sirius agreed with a slight nod of his head.

"Sirius…" Remus' eyes widened as he looked back at the man.

"Why did you even bring him?" Regulus' lips twisted sourly as he met Sirius' eyes. "Surely you had to have known he would balk at some of this."

"He's the last surviving member of my old friends. He's no James, but at the same time, he's no Pettigrew," Sirius noted with a grimace as he gave Remus a look. "Apparently 10 or so years is enough to make him forget that being a Marauder entails more rule breaking than rule following."

"Sirius, we're not kids anymore! The time to grow up…" Remus' protest was cut off by a glare from Sirius.

"Remus… I will warn you once, for your safety to never try to patronize me like that again," Sirius stated coldly as he glared back at his friend. "I brought you here because I honestly thought you wanted to help Harry…"

"I do and you know it!" Remus hissed as he glared back at Sirius. "But this…! Exposing him to a former Death Eater? Feeding him potions and playing with Time Turners?"

"And which of those things hasn't already been done to him before?" Sirius asked rhetorically as he glanced back at Remus. "In the last year, no less"

Remus blanched lightly at the words while Regulus canted his head to the side once more. "I take it you were referring to the individual you once so charmingly referred to as Snivellus? Quite the obsessive one that. I think half the reason he joined up was to take that woman away from James Potter. Preferably over his cold, dead corpse."

Sirius's knuckles visibly whitened as he gripped on the arms of his chairs, teeth clenched as he gave Regulus a stiff nod. "Yes, that would be the former Death Eater I was referring to."

"Just wanted to be sure, one can never tell these days," Regulus said with a cold smirk on his lips.

"I'm sure." Sirius lightly growled back before glaring at Remus for a moment. "Make up your mind, Remus."

"Sirius, you know I can't in good conscience…" Remus' words died in mid sentence as a flash of red light left the wand Sirius had discreetly pulled out.

"Fine, oblivation it is," Sirius stated simply and shook his head as he glanced towards a chuckling Regulus.

"Ah, now there's the Sirius Black I remember." Regulus slowly stood up and glanced at Remus. "I always wondered why it was just you and Potter on those little operations of yours. You two caused the Death Eaters quite a bit of grief, you know."

"People often forget, magic doesn't have to be Dark to be dangerous," Sirius stated simply and shook his head. "Remus never had the stomach for it. The rat didn't have the backbone. Should've paid more attention to it."

"Yes, you should have." Regulus nodded in agreement as he turned his head and stared out through the window onto his club. "You always had good instincts, Sirius. Don't let your emotions cloud them over again."

"Here," Sirius stated simply as he pulled two envelopes from his robe and pressed them onto the desk. "One's for Harry, to explain things, the other…" He shifted uncomfortably for a moment. "Just some thoughts for you on things."

"And the oath?" Regulus turn around, though Sirius could imagined he was watching his reflection off the glass.

"I, Sirius Black, swear on my life and magic that I will not purposely reveal the existence of the vampire once known as Regulus Black. So mote it be." Sirius stated softly before pointing his wand down at Remus. "_Oblivate._"

"Then, for now, our business is concluded." Regulus nodded his head back to Sirius, before pausing a moment and taking a business card off his desk and almost, almost hesitantly sliding it towards Sirius. "If… you ever desire to talk."

Gently, Sirius took the card and nodded his head quietly. "Thanks, Reg." He hefted Remus up lightly and gave his little brother one last look. "Take care of him… and yourself. I've lost too many people as it is."

"Take care of yourself, Sirius. Take care of yourself," Regulus repeated quietly, his eyes watching the slowly swelling pool of people filtering into his club.

Sirius nodded his head and quietly carried Remus back out.

-o-o-o-

Remus groaned softly as he awoke to the smell of stale alcohol and body odor and blinked blearily around, his head throbbing painfully.

Vague half memories rippled through his mind as he recalled the night before. Sirius had gotten a lead, the chance for the impossible that his brother might still be, in some form, alive. Only, it had turned out to be exactly what it sounded like. After the wild goose chase had ended, Sirius had almost bodily dragged the werewolf back to his home and forced him to imbibe a bottle of whiskey with him.

Or, potentially more than one.

A short distance away, Sirius was snoring rather blissfully apparently, his hand still wrapped about the neck of a bottle of whiskey.

A silent water conjuring charm changed that a moment later, causing Sirius to start awake with a yelp.

"What was that for?" Sirius turned his glare onto Moony, his eyes conveying no small depth of annoyance. "I was having a damned good dream!"

"You got me drunk. Again," Remus stated flatly and shook his head. "Dammit, I told you I didn't want to get drunk!"

"Your mouth said yes, but everything else, kept saying 'Get me Pissed!'" Sirius stated with a sage nod of his head. "Something about being entirely too uptight."

"You're the one that found out that you're brother might still be somewhat alive, only to have it fall through." Remus pointed out with a frown

Sirius winced and frowned as he rubbed his apparently throbbing head. "Eh... I got used to Reggie being dead years ago, Remus. I just didn't want give up on it that easily." There was a pause, before he perked up immediately. "Ah well, time for the patented Padfoot panacea!"

"... No, Padfoot, you do not get to have even _more _alcohol," Remus glared lightly at the man.

"Thankfully, you have absolutely no say what so ever in the matter," Sirius said cheerfully as he cast a refilling charm on his bottle and took another happy swig.

Groaning softly, Remus shook his head and couldn't help but wonder how he was going to explain this to Dumbledore as he watched Sirius quickly tackle the hair of the dog that bit him.

Standing up, he shook his head. Based on his previous experiences, Sirius was likely to be hanging around the house drinking for several days. He'd have to let Dumbledore know the plan to smuggle him out of the country would have to be postponed.

"I'm going out for a bit, I trust you'll be staying here, keeping yourself… occupied?" Remus' face twisted in displeasure as he rubbed his temples lightly.

"Oh, I'm sure I can find some company!" Sirius lifted up his bottle meaningfully and grinned back at Remus.

"That's what I was afraid of," Remus said with a grunt before walking over to the floo and vanishing a few moments later.

As soon as Remus was out of sight, Sirius stood up and cast a number of cleaning and freshening charms on himself and glanced at the time. Half an hour until sunset. Perfect.

With a smirk on his lips, Sirius vanished in a pop of apparition.

-o-o-o-

The sun had just set on Privet Drive in Little Whining, Surrey when the door to number 4 sounded off with a firm, sharp rap. Standing up, Vernon Dursley glanced suspiciously up towards the stairs and frowned as he looked back at the door. His "nephew" had just been picked up earlier that day and was still safely hidden behind the locked door of the smallest bedroom of the house.

Satisfied that none of Harry Potter's unnaturalness was at work, he then strode up to the door, and carefully pulled it open.

Vernon blinked in surprise as he beheld the tall, dark haired man standing in his doorway in an obviously expensive, tailored suit with piercing grey eyes. "Um, ah, good evening, Sir… Can I help you?"

At the man's side was a massive black bear of a dog, watching Vernon with what almost seemed to be intelligent, accusing eyes as the man spoke in a cool, cultured tone. "Vernon Dursley?"

"That I am, and you, sir…?" There was a polite wariness in Vernon's voice as he watched the man with calculating eyes.

"You may call me Reginald Smythe," he answered simply with a slight inclination of his head.

"And a good evening to you then, Mr. Smythe. What brings you to our humble home?" There was a thin, plastic smile plastered across Vernon's lips as his small dark eyes glittered warily.

"It has been brought to my attention that you have as your ward the son of James and Lily Potter," he stated simply, watching the way the color started to build up over Vernon's features as he continued, "And that you'd prefer to limit the level of… exposure you have to the things such heritage entails?"

Vernon's whole body had grown tensed and standoffish the instant the first of those names had been uttered, his eyes narrowed into slits as he glared back at the man. "I don't know what kind of freakishness you're trying to bring into my home, but..."

"Mr. Dursley, I have no intention of entering your home, nor of doing much of anything with you," 'Reginald' said plainly, simply arching a brow. "And in fact, I simply wanted to... clarify that you would not be adverse to the young Mr. Potter taking on a bit of a... work study program at my business over the course of the summer. Far away from Surrey, and far away from you save for the time in which he would be sleeping here."

"And I don't know what gave you that sort of idea." There was hesitancy in Vernon's eyes, if only for a moment, before he squared his shoulders and glared back at the man. "And if you think I made it to the position I have while being a fool, you are sadly mistaken, Mr. Smythe."

"Mr. Dursley, I would warn you to please do not take me for a fool in turn." There was a coldness in his tone as suddenly, despite being of almost equal height, Vernon could feel as if he was staring up at a man several times his own height. "I am here because of familial obligation. Something I was raised to take _very_ seriously.

"Why should I trust one of your kind?" Vernon snapped as he glared at the man. "You've caused us nothing but trouble! We're good, decent _normal_ people! Your lot has given my son a pig's tail! You've made it impossible for us to have any kind of social gathering while that _boy _is here! You've ripped apart our house! You've turned my sister into some kind of balloon that tore away her memories!"

Reginald arched a brow quietly and tilted his head to the side. "And what about this precludes you from being willing to allow me to remove Mr. Potter's presence from your house even further?"

"This precludes me from wanting to have anymore to do with your kind than I've already been forced to!" Vernon hissed out with a glare.

"And, am I asking you to go into business with me?" Reginald tilted his head to the side casually. "As a matter of fact, I do believe I was trying to extend an offer to limit your 'exposure' to the world you loath so much as much as possible."

"And if it were that bloody simple, I wouldn't have the boy living here at all!" Vernon's face purpled in rage as he tried to stand up, tried to glare, angrily at the man, to see him cower like so many of the junior managers at Grunnings did.

Only Reginald remained summarily unimpressed.

"Mr. Dursley, I am a businessman. The kind that isn't cowed by bouts of temper and threats of violence." Reginald tilted his head again. "Now, as much as I'm sure you'd enjoy it, you've indicated you're aware that I cannot remove Mr. Potter entirely from his requirement to spend time here this summer."

Vernon deflated only slightly as he continued to glare back at Reginald. "Then what is the point of all this?"

"The point, Mr. Dursley, is exactly what I said it was." Reginald tilted his head to the side. "I wish to employ Mr. Potter for the summer. He will be picked up in the late afternoon, and returned mid morning. He will sleep, then wake up, shower, dress himself then return. There will be no days off, and I will not tolerate him slacking off."

Vernon chewed his lip in thought as he continued to eye the man warily. "You want the boy to work overnight?"

"I currently spend most of my time running my club, Mr. Dursley. There is always work to be done preparing for opening, dishes to be done during business hours and clean up to be done after closing," Reginald said simply. "And while I will be spending time fulfilling my obligations in certain respects, I am a businessman. It wouldn't do for me to neglect my business, now would it?"

"So the boy would be doing honest work? With none of that..?" Vernon almost bit his tongue as he stopped himself from referring to the other's freakishness.

"My obligation has nothing to do with any sort of magical training. And as I'm sure you're aware, he cannot make use of magic, save in self defense," he said that point with a great deal of quiet stress, "Until he's of age in that society. After which, well… He's free to do whatever he wants, within reason."

Reginald paused before shaking his head lightly. "But I'm forgetting myself. I am not now, nor have I ever been a teacher for the things you're so displeased with. And I assure you, I have no intentions of teaching the boy anything of the sort."

"How much will the boy be paid?" Vernon chewed his lip for a moment, brow furrowing in thought.

There was a pause, as Reginald blinked back at the man, the slightest of frowns pulling at his lips. "I had intended for my training to be all the payment he would require."

"An honest day's work should beget an honest day's wage," Vernon said automatically as he narrowed his eyes back at the man. "If the boy's going to be working without his… freakishness, he should be paid accordingly."

"I suppose something can be worked out," Reginald admitted as he took a moment to send a look down at the dog at his side who seemed to shrug in response. "I'll assume you prefer the payment be in pounds and pence?"

"I want nothing of that… filth in my home. I have to put up with the boy's things as is, I don't need anymore!" Vernon hissed softly and glared a bit.

"As long as the boy's money stays just that: the boy's," Reginald answered with an arched brow.

Immediately the color returned to Veron's face as he glared, outraged back at the man. "What kind of person do you think I am? Stealing money from a child?"

"One never knows in this day and age. And your… hostility towards the boy is known to me," Reginald said pointedly.

Vernon glared back at him. "I may not like the little freak, but I am not so petty as to steal from a child!"

A light growl rose from the almost forgotten dog at the man's side at the word freak, but otherwise nothing else. Vernon immediately took a reflexive step back, his eyes flitting from the dog to Reginald. Reginald simply shrugged a bit.

"He tends to dislike that word." It was the only explanation given. "So, do we have an accord then?"

"How do I know you won't do something that will get me in trouble with that barmy old man?" Vernon continued to glare back at Reginald.

"Why don't you go bring the boy down here? If he does not find sufficient reason to trust going with us, then that will be the end of it," Reginald said rather blandly. "That way, it's hardly your fault if he leaves with us, now is it?"

Vernon weighed the choice longer than most who knew of his relationship with Harry Potter thought he would. Far, far longer, before he grunted softly and looked up the stairs. "Boy! Come down here!"

For a moment, there was nothing but silence, before a muffled voice drifted down the stairs. "I can't, the door's locked."

Coloring from the sudden realization of the boy's predicament, Vernon flustered for a moment, before quickly holding up his hand. "Just, ah, a moment."

With that, the heavy set man forced his way up the stairs with a surprising speed, his face colored an almost rosy shade of pink. Wasting little effort, he quickly worked the locks on the doors undone and then pulled the door half open. "Out with you then! There's a... one of your kind down there, and he says he wants to offer you a summer job."

For a moment, the door remained where it was, leaving Vernon to wait in silence, his rosy cheeks quickly developing to a less healthy shade, before the door slowly swung the rest of the way open. Then, with a quiet wariness, Harry Potter stepped out.

The not-quite 14 year old glanced, warily towards his uncle, before down the stairs towards the door, then back at the man.

"Well? What're you waiting for? Are you going to leave him there, waiting for an answer?" Vernon flushed a bit more, though the shade seemed to have stabilized somewhere just in the faintest range of unhealthy.

"I... you're letting me decide?" Harry blinked, staring back up at Vernon who immediately shifted uncomfortably under the sheer disbelief in the man's eye.

"Well, I don't want to have to deal with that daft old bugger at that school of yours!" Vernon stepped back, giving Harry room to walk down the stairs. "But don't think it'll be a cake walk if you stay here! Not after what you did to Marge last summer!"

Harry immediately flinched and his head bowed as he spoke in quiet agreement, "Yes, sir."

With that said, Harry quickly walked down the steps, keeping his eyes faithfully on his fee, making certain he didn't miss a step until he found himself on the firm floor again. As he could hear the heavy steps of Vernon's descent behind him, Harry turned his head to the pale, vaguely familiar figure of Reginald. Frowning slightly at the man who he was sure he'd never met before, Harry then caught sight of a very familiar, bear-like dog at his side?"

"S-nuffles is that you?" Harry asked, hesitantly.

"Snuffles?" Reginald repeated, before looking down at the dog next to him. "Really, Sirius. Snuffles?"

The dog gave a light bark of acknowledgment as he lightly wagged his tail at Harry's words, bobbing his head lightly in response and ignoring Reginald completely.

"Boy, this is Mr. Smythe. He wants you to work for him over the summer," Vernon supplied as he pointedly ignored the peculiarity of the focus of the conversation being on the dog instead of the man.

Frowning slightly, Harry glanced up at Reginald, studying the man's almost bored looking face as he tried to place why he seemed to familiar. "Do I know you, sir?"

"Not currently, no. However, we do have a certain, mutual acquaintance." His eyes flicked meaningfully towards the dog before looking back at Harry. "He... negotiated a deal on your behalf."

"A deal?" Harry blinked slightly as he glanced back at the dog, who quickly nodded his head in agreement before looking back at the man. "What kind of deal?"

"It became rather obvious that due to his... circumstances, he could not teach you some of the things he felt you needed," he said as he took a long moment to study Harry. "And while the circumstances are such that I cannot fulfill all of those obligations, there are some that I am... rather suited to help you with."

"What kind of things?" There was genuine curiosity in Harry's voice as he watched the man, before glancing towards Vernon and flinching lightly. "Because, I can't really learn... some things over summer."

"Nor do I have any interest in teaching you those things. That is what your school is for," he said with a shake of his head. "What I will teach you... will be for your life beyond it."

"That's, a bit, um... vague, sir," Harry noted warily.

"And it encompasses too much to be limited to a few moments explanation," Reginald said simply as he arched a brow. "I will say simply that it will benefit you. Immensely so. Though you will most likely no longer see the word in the same light you did before."

"... Why?" Harry had tensed at that, his eyes suddenly hardening in wariness as he watched the man.

"Because, your place in it will likely change." Reginald suddenly fixed Harry with a deep, penetrating stare. "It will all depend on one, simple factor, young Mr. Potter. Who is it you really are, deep down?"

"... I..." Harry paused, frowning slightly as he furrowed his brow before looking away, not willing to look back at Reginald. "I'm just Harry."

"Mmm. Perhaps. Then in the end, what do you have to worry about? Or do you have a problem with being, just Harry?"

There was another flash of hesitance in Harry's eyes, and unconsciously, he half turned his head towards where his uncle stood, watching them both before suddenly shaking his head and repeating his earlier statement. "I'm just Harry."

"And why would he want to be anything else?" Vernon blustered lightly as he glared back at Reginald, his eyes narrowed into slits.

"Do you remember when you were a child, Mr. Dursley?" Reginald asked as he glanced, pointedly at Vernon again.

Stiffening slightly, Vernon glared back at him. "What kind of nonsense question is that? Of course I remember when I was a child!"

"Then, do you remember ever wanting to be _just_ Vernon?"

There was a pause, before Vernon frowned only slightly. "I fail to see what the point of the question is."

"As you say, Mr. Dursley," Reginald stated blandly as he glanced back to Harry, studying how the boy continued to not want to quite look anyone in the eye. "The choice is, of course, yours to make Mr. Potter. But I will say this much..."

There was a pause, as tentatively Harry lifted his eyes to meet Reginald's own. "I believe your parents would have wanted you to know who you are."

Harry bit his lip unconsciously, glancing towards Vernon and staring back at the man with indecision written on his face.

"I will leave the decision up to you, Mr. Potter. Until we meet again then." Reginald bowed his head a moment toward Harry before turning to go.

"Wait." The voice was soft as it left Harry's mouth, slightly uncertain as he looked at the man. "I… I'll do it."

"Excellent." Reginald nodded slightly before glancing over towards Vernon. "I imagine you'd not object to us going and doing a simple… orientation tonight?"

"Just… just be quick about it. And none of that freakishness," Vernon said with a sour mutter under his breath before glaring at Harry. "And behave, boy. An honest day's work will do you good, teach you how to do things without all those… things."

"Yes, Uncle Vernon," Harry said softly as he refused to look up at the man, before quietly walking out of the door, and into the night with the man and the dog.


	55. SCME: Straight on Til Morning

Title: Straight on til Morning

Disclaimer: Starcraft belongs to Blizzard Entertainment. Mass Effect to Bioware.

Author's Notes- Because all the SC and ME crossovers I've seen have involved Shepard going to the SC verse.

Because I don't like the direction Blizzard seems to be taking Kerrigan.

Because I can, and my muse whispers and hungers for this to live.

-o-o-o-

He stared down at her slumbering form and slowly held his fingers mere inches from her skin. Her soft, pink, human skin. If it wasn't for the thick dreadlocks-like tendrils in the place of her once brilliant red hair, it was almost as if she'd never been infested to begin with.

But she was. And he'd spent four long years trying to shore up the courage to finally put her out of her misery. Only, after those four years were done, suddenly, here they were, with something he'd never let himself dare to dream could happen.

He'd actually managed to save her. He'd gone to the very place she'd become the abomination she'd been for the last four years. And he'd come back with her in his arms.

But, now what was he, they going to do?

"God Dammit!" Jim Raynor swore softly as he felt the entire hulk of the Hyperion suddenly shake and groan. "What the hell is it now?"

"Sir..." Matt Horner's voice crackled to life over the intercom. "You need to see this. Now."

Casting a look at the still slumbering Sarah Kerrigan, Jim let out another string of curses under his breath and began to race out of the medical wing. "I'm on my way, Raynor, out."

"Hurry." There was a note of worry in Matt's voice before the comm went silent.

As he waited for a door to slide open at a painfully slow pace, Jim was vaguely aware of the shadows rippling around him, as a voice echoed through his mind. "He moves."

"Speak plain already, Zeratul," Jim said with a grunt and slipping between a pair of unarmored marines who reflexively snapped to attention. "I got no time for riddles."

"You know the one of whom I speak, friend Raynor." Zeratul's voice was grave as it rippled through the shadows cast across the Hyperion. "Through my memories, you have seen him."

"The Fallen One." It came reflexively to his lips as he stumbled, a frightening groan rippling from the length of his as it shook around him. "God fucking DAMMIT! Everytime, EVERY DAMNED TIME!"

"You must protect her." Zeratul's voice seemed weaker now, more distant. "We will come for you... but you must keep her safe... you must protect her..."

"Come for us? What the hell are you talking about, Zeratul?" Raynor growled out as he looked around, watching as the lights began to strengthen around him.

"Beware the Reapers... Look for the Shepard..." The words faded to silence, leaving him standing there for a moment, caught alone in the silence.

"God damned protoss, can't he ever just tell me what the hell he means?" Raynor growled out for a moment, before running the rest of the way to the bridge. "Matt! What the hell's going on?"

Wordlessly Matt lifted his hand and pointed out across the view port. A swirling maw of darkness twisted and wroth like some eldritch abomination. It stretched out, in by inch moving closer to them, as space itself seemed to ripple and twist around it.

"Aww, come on! There ain't any blackholes out here!" Jim turned his head and glared at the console readings. "And... what the hell?"

"That isn't a blackhole, Sir." Matt stared at the maw, trembling lightly. "I don't know what it is, but it's like nothing we've ever come across."

"You think you've thwarted me, human?" The voice was almost overpowering as it echoed through the bridge. "Do you think you've saved her? That she will bring your salvation?"

"I hate it when he's right," Raynor muttered sourly before glaring back at the darkness while his fingers danced across the console. "And he just haaaaad to be right."

"Sir?" Matt shifted uneasily as he glanced over Raynor.

"Matt, meet the Fallen One." Raynor gestured vaguely towards the swirling pulse of darkness with one hand. "I'd introduce you to him, but I don't think he feels much like talking."

"I have waited too long for this little… experiment to be over and done with. I will not be thwarted now. Least of all by such pathetic creatures as you." The voice rolled through the air, pulsing with a dark anger.

"Now that's just rude, wouldn't you agree, Matt?" Jim, pushed a button on console and shook his head. "I think we've over stayed our welcome. It's been nice chatting with you and all, but…"

"Um, sir?" Matt spoke up warily as he watched the way Raynor hit a command sequence on the console, and the ship gave a shuddering groan, lurching slightly but still remaining in roughly the same position. "I already tried that."

"… You could've told me." Jim muttered sourly as he watched as a sudden storm of arching, twisting white and blue energy suddenly began to arch out from the inky darkness.

"Enough of this," the voice said with a slight smugness to it. "It is time for your little game to come to an end."

"… Am I seeing things, or does that look a lot like protoss warp energy?" Jim noted as he continued to work his fingers across a different console.

"Unstable warp energy," Matt noted, his face drawn and paled slightly. "It'll rip us to shreds."

"Well, ain't that just peaches and cream," Jim said with a grunt as he continued to work his fingers across his console and suddenly the whole ship seemed to hum to life.

"Just in case, Sir, it's been an honor to serve with you," Matt said as he glanced back at Jim.

"This ain't over just yet, Matt," Jim stated before wincing slightly. "Though, if this works, Swann's gonna tear a chunk outta my hide."

"Wait, what're you doing?" Matt's eyes widened as he watched the flashing crimson warnings from the weapons array. "Wait, you're overloading all of the weapon banks!"

"I know," Jim agreed with a nod, his eyes focused on the spreading web of incoming warp energy.

"If you don't release it…!"

"I _know_, Matt," Jim said back with a grow, his eyes narrowed. "Come on you smug sonnuva…"

And then just as the entire bridge seemed to scream with klaxons and the tendrils of energy were upon them, Jim's hand slammed down upon the confirmation to fire.

Immediately, a sudden blossom of energy ripped through the Hyperion's batteries, slagging half of their circuits in the process. In an instant, it collided with the spreading web of energies conflicting with it, fighting it. Then, it vanished into it, and for the Hyperion and its crew, the world went white.

Inside of the Hyperion's lab, the formerly stable protoss artifact was caught in the massive exposure of warp energies and reacted.

-o-o-o-

When the world came back into focus for Jim, he slowly pushed himself up and rolled his shoulder slightly. "Aw, hell, I'm probably getting too damned old for this shit."

"Never, Sir." Matt's voice came from somewhere behind another console. "But do you think for once you could not make the room spin?"

"What, and break a perfect record?" Jim asked with a half chuckle, before pushing himself back up to his feet. "Well, we're alive."

"You've got the devil's own luck, Sir," Matt agreed with a nod.

"Yeah, generally pretty damned bad, so see if you can find out what kinda mess we dropped into this time. Get with Swann and find out what the damage is," Jim said as he started towards the door. "I need to check on some other things."

"You mean get with Swann and let him yell at me instead of you," Matt said dryly towards the departing Raynor, "While you go and check on Kerrigan."

"See? This is why we work so well together." Jim's voice called back.

"Yes, sir." Matt grunted lightly before he tapped the comm.

"I don't know what in the _HELL_ you two jokers think you're doing up there, but…!" Swann's voice immediately broke through the speakers.

"He pissed off something big, mean, and powerful." Matt cut in dryly and shrugged his shoulders. "So, business as usual."

"… I swear, sometimes I don't know why I stick around with this nut house," Swann said with a grumble through the comm. "All right, the boy's and I will get started on the repairs… _again_."

"Thanks, Swann, we appreciate it, we really do."

"If you appreciated it so much, you'd stop making me do so damned often!"

"I'll try, but you know how he gets."

"... I swear, that damned cowboy's working me towards a coronary!" Swann could be heard muttering over the comm, before it finally went dead.

"You and me both, Swann," Matt chuckled softly and ruefully shook his head. "You and me both."

-o-o-o-

"Um, sir...?" Egon Stettman nervously asked as he quietly stepped up towards Jim. "You need to see this."

"Can it wait a bit? I'm heading to the sick wing and..." There was a pause as Jim groaned softly and reached up, lightly rubbing his temples for a moment, as he felt his throat suddenly running dry. "No, of course it can't. What is it now?"

"It's the lab, Sir, it's kind of... well, been consumed," Egon said helplessly as he lightly shrugged his shoulders.

"... Please, by all that's holy and right in the world, don't tell me that we've got a damned _zerg_ infestation right here on the ship?" Jim groaned softly, before he glared back at Egon. "And you came to me instead of signaling the marines?"

"Oh, no sir!" he said quickly as he shook his head and held his hands up defensively. "Nothing like that! As far as I can tell the zerg sample was completely and utterly destroyed."

"... Then what's the damned problem then?" Just one little glass, just one little glass to wash it away, please gods let this day _not_ get any worse.

"The Protoss sample was apparently altered by something, I can't say for sure just yet, but it was enough that, well, it's kind of..." Egon paused a moment, lightly rubbing the side of his head, before gesturing helplessly down the corridor to the lab. "You should see for yourself."

"Why is it, whenever someone tells me that, I always want to shoot them?" Jim asked rhetorically and shook his head before sighing as he gestured down the hallway. "All right, show me what all the damned commotion is about."

"It's right through here. I mean, I knew that Einstein's theory has been proven, but, this is just... I mean... take a look!" Egon gestured into the open door to the lab, and warily Raynor stepped in, and blinked lightly at what he saw.

"... I am still on the Hyperion right?" Raynor asked over his shoulder as he stepped into what looked to be something straight out of a protoss ship. "I mean... This is..."

The pulsing blue light of psi energy illuminated the graceful, golden curves of truly alien architecture as Jim slowly ran his fingers along the cool smooth golden metal. Slowly shaking his head, he noticed the dark pulsing sphere, suspended where the Xel'Naga artifact had been suspended prior to its relocation onto Char. Smooth, symmetrical lines of pulsing blue, all coursed along curving arches, as he could see what vaguely resembled Adjutant 23-46.

"Greetings, Commander Raynor." The voice echoed quietly through the room as the golden form stared at him with pure, glowing blue eyes.

"... Aw hell, now what?" Jim groaned softly he stared warily at the figure while his finger unlatched the sidearm at his side. "I'm gonna guess you're not exactly Adjutant whatever anymore?"

"A reasonable assessment," the almost melodic, echoing voice agreed as the golden figure's head nodded in agreement. "It would be difficult to quantify exactly what I am, as I am still only theorizing exactly how I came to be."

"Of course it would, just having someone tell me what in the hell is actually going on would be too damned easy." Jim groaned softly and shook his head. "I swear, if you try to pull a Zeratul on me... I've got plenty of air locks."

"Sir! Please! Think of the science!" Egon's voice quickly spoke up, his eyes wide behind his glasses. "This... this is an absolutely amazing and unique event! Think of everything we could learn from it!"

"Zeratul. Official leader of the Nerazim, noted associates: Tassadar and Artanis of the Khalai and Jim Raynor of the Terrans." The former adjutant spoke softly as if first discovering the information. "Curious... Is Zeratul not your comrade?"

"Yes, he's my friend," Raynor admitted with a grunt. "Though, that man does makes cryptic look as transparent as sheet glass."

"It is strange that I know this information. I am connected to the Khala, and yet... not it is distant, fleeting, even fading." The golden figure frowned slightly before tilting its head to the side. "That should not be possible. A connection to the Khala should simply... vanish."

"Joy." Jim shook his head and sighed softly as he glanced around the former lab. "So, is Stettman and Dr. Hanson's information still accessible, or are we gonna have to go through the whole song and dance with samples all over again?"

"Ah! My discoveries!" Stettman's eyes flew wide as he suddenly looked around the room as realization hit. "My terminal! No-no-no-no! This is terrible! Horrible!"

"Stettman..." Jim started to say as he stared at the man.

"That research was priceless! Those samples and artifacts one of a kind!"

"Stettman..." Jim said, louder this time as a touch of irritation made its way into his voice.

"Even if I do get more samples, who knows if I'll even be able to replicate the same results? I might never be able to..." Full blown panic was consuming the scientist.

"There's an air lock I can throw you out a hundred meters atta way if you don't shut up, Stettman," Jim said with a pointed growl.

"97.8 meters, on the left," the voice of the former adjutant agreed. "Explosive decompression would begin in approximately 3 seconds, depending on how strong your grip was."

Egon froze at that, his wide eyes turning to Jim as he almost trembled. "You... you wouldn't really do that, would you? I mean, I've been a valuable part of the crew!"

"Adjutant..." Jim paused a moment, before looked at the golden figure that seemed to be slightly smiling back at him in amusement. "Right, I'll figure out something to call you later. You never answered the question about the data."

"I didn't?" There was a pause as the head lightly tilted to the side, as if in deep thought. "Why, I apologize, Commander, I must've forgotten with Mr. Stettman's outburst."

"... Oh, now I _know_ you're a hunk of protoss tech, that or you're a woman." Jim pinched his nose and groaned as his hand went reflexively towards his flask, only to remember... "Either way, I picked one helluva week to give up drinkin'."

"Ah, apologies, I had assumed that you would be more comfortable with that particular personality," the voice said apologetically. "I will find another at a future date. To answer your question, the data is still intact."

"Oh, thank you gods," Egon whispered, his whole body slumping down, before he paused a moment, suddenly paling. "Wait… when it was just in the tank it was already feeding excess power into the ship and…"

"… Stettman, are you telling me that… whatever the hell it is, is connected to _my_ ship?" There was a pause, as Raynor slowly turned his head and stared at the innocent look on the former adjutant's face.

"Well, you see, sir, it did absorb the lab systems, and since those were connected to the ship, well…" Egon shrugged helplessly. "You did read my notes, didn't you? The stuff I made a point of refusing to mention to Swann?"

"Oh, this just keeps getting better and better," Jim said sourly before sighing softly and shaking his head as he looked at Egon. "Stettman, how long until you know where the hell we are?"

"Well, I, um, until I get the proper data, and make an analysis and um..." Egon paused a moment and shrugged helplessly when he saw the look Jim gave him. "I have no idea, it could be hours, it could be weeks."

"Weeks," Jim repeated as he stared at the man for a moment before groaning loudly. "And how soon before you can figure out a good planet for us to get the resources we need to get the Hyperion back up to snuff."

"You'd probably want to talk to Captain Horner, sir," Egon said evasively.

"This is going to turn into one of those 'Talk to him,' ' No, talk to him,' 'No, no, you need to talk to _him_' things, isn't it," Raynor noted with a groan as he fought down the urge to bring his skull to the hull.

"I might have a hypothesis, Commander," the voice said simply. "Judging by what data I was able to recover about the incident, unknown star configuration, and my inability to properly connect to the Khala, we are either in an exceptionally remote, and unknown portion of our universe, or.."

"Just spit it out already," Jim said with a groan as he rubbed his temples. "I just want to get this over with and get back to the sick wing."

"The other is that the combination of such a release of unstable warp energy, your efforts to combat it and my… presence, managed to manipulate the warp energy to the point where we are in an entirely different plane of reality." There was a pause before the voice continued uneasily. "Which would explain the fluxuating inconsistencies with my connection to the Khala more than the first theory would."

"There has never been any positive proof of the existence of so called alternate realities." Egon quickly protested, only to have the golden figure turn its head to him and tilt its head to the side. "I'm just saying…"

"Skepticism has its place," The voice allowed, though thrumming with a hint of… irritation? "But without faith that there is more that could be that we have not yet begun to know…"

"So what, we're supposed to just take what's out there on faith? We shouldn't try to explain it? We should just blindly accept that just because something has been theorized as possible it must be?" Egon shot back as he crossed his arms about his chest.

"Simply because something has not been proven, does not in turn disprove it," was the counter as the voice glared defiantly back at Egon.

"Just because it hasn't been disproven doesn't mean it's been proven either!" Egon argued.

Jim took a moment to look from one of them to the other before rubbing at his temples and quietly stepping back out of the lab and hitting a comm on his way out. "Matt, could you have Swann get down to the lab when he has a chance? That protoss sample we got went and took over, and I need to know what the hell to do with it."

"Took… over, Sir?" Matt asked carefully.

"As in, the whole lab looks like it was made on Aiur, that damned adjutant included," Jim said with a grunt. "Now, I'm going to the sick wing. Unless the ship is cracking apart, I don't want to hear it."

"Understood, sir," Matt agreed reluctantly.

-o-o-o-

There was a moment of silence as Jim stood uneasily at the at the door to the sick wing and stared at the woman sitting isolated in nothing more than a thin medical smock on a bed. Her whole body was curled back on itself. With her legs back against her chest, her chin rested where her arms crossed over her knees.

"… I know you're there." Her voice was soft, raw, filled with so many things he couldn't quite quantify.

"Never imagined you wouldn't, darlin," he said softly was he watched her flinch slightly. "I don't imagine I need to ask how you're holdin' up."

"That obvious is it?" she asked with a hint of her old sarcasm, not quite looking at him as she spoke.

"Just at touch," he agreed as he slowly walked into the room, before quietly taking the a seat next to her bed. "I was trying to be here when you woke up. Sorry 'bout that."

"It's all right," she said softly still staring out into the distance. "I… It's so different, hearing almost nothing but human thoughts." She paused a moment and buried her face in her arms. "I can't feel it anymore. The broods, the zerg… all those voices all together as one."

"That's a bad thing?" Jim asked simply as he studied her his eyes narrowed slightly.

"I should still be able to hear them, to feel them. Lost, confused… Calling," she said in response, as she shook her head, causing the thick tendrils that had replaced her hair to sway slightly. "I should be able to hear it pounding into my skull."

"And again, that's a bad thing?" he repeated as he settled back in his chair and studied her carefully.

"I... I don't know." She shook her head. "Everything... it's just so quiet. Like suddenly moving from the middle of a city to a forest... There's still sounds, but everything's... less than what it is where you were."

"Always did prefer the quiet myself," he said in quiet observation as he glanced up at the ceiling.

"Hard to believe, considering how many things you tend to blow up," she said with the slightest touch of humor in her voice.

"And after something does the whole big boom, it tends to get pretty quiet if you'll notice," he said with a slight grin of his own.

"Until you go and blow something else up," she said dryly and managed to turn her head, smiling slightly as she rested her cheek on her arms.

He looked into her eyes for a moment, then quietly looked away. "... I should've gone after you on Tarsonis. I shouldn't have just left you like that."

Immediately she flinched slightly and looked away. "You thought I was dead. I wish I had been. But you came when I called."

"Not fast enough," he said simply and shook his head. "Just... not fast enough."

"It wasn't your fault," she insisted quietly as she curled back further into herself. "I... you did the impossible Jim. I only remember bits and pieces... But it was _you_ who was the one out there, stopping... _her_."

They couldn't quite meet each other's eyes for a moment as the words hung in the air, full of implications of what wasn't said.

"I..." Kerrigan curled back again and shook her head once more. "I'm not her anymore. But..."

"But?" Jim could feel the sudden, icy drip flowing down his spine at her words.

"But I'm not that Sarah Kerrigan anymore, either. I can't be," she said as her voice dropped into a hoarse whisper, "I don't remember everything she did, but I.. I remember enough."

"And you think I'm the same guy who joined up with the Sons of Korhal?" he asked simply as he shrugged his shoulders and reached out, laying a hand on her shoulder. "You think I'm even the same man who fought in the Brood Wars?"

For a moment, he could feel her cheek shifting over, resting on his hand before she spoke softly. "Yes. You are. I can feel it in you, a little tarnished around the edges, but he's still there. You're still that same stubborn, prideful, honorable pervert."

"Oh, a pervert, huh?" His lips twitched slightly as he would casually reach down and cupped her chin, drawing her eyes up towards his. "Sure about that?"

She stared into his eyes for a moment, her lips, parting just slightly before she quickly jerked away, curling up slightly. "Please... don't. I'm... a monster."

"We all got a monster inside us, darlin'," he said as he gave her shoulder a soft squeeze of reassurance.

"No like I do, Jim," she said softly, though she didn't try to pull away again.

Whatever he was about to say, was cast away as a sudden interruption intruded on their conversation.

"Sir?" Matt's voice crackled to live over the comm. "We... we're being hailed. The frequency took a bit to decypher, but..."

"But...?" Jim prompted as he kept his eyes on Kerrigan.

"They... They're aliens, Sir. Not protoss. Not zerg. But, definitely alien..." He paused there for a moment, "And not only do they speak English, but they seem pretty familiar with humanity. They kept talking about some kind of alliance?"

"An alliance with us?" Jim asked back as he glanced over at Kerrigan, watching her frown slightly before shrugging.

"Uh, no Sir. They're asking if we need help getting back to Alliance space. Wherever and whatever that is." Matt's frown was audible. "And they're talking about something called the citadel and the council."

"... Wonderful," Jim said with a sigh, before standing up and glancing at Kerrigan. "Care for a walk? Take a look and see what we've done with the place?"

"Done with the place?" she repeated before glancing around, "I've been here before?"

"Well, yeah," he said as he started towards the door, the gestured around them with a light wink. "She's a little lived in now, but she's still the Hyperion."

"This... this is actually the Hyperion?" she slowly looked around before arching a brow at Jim. "You stole the Hyperion from Arc-... Mengsk?"

"Yup," Jim admitted with a shrug before smirking back at her, "Mengsk left her all by her lonesome. It would've been rude of us to not go and take her out for a spin for a bit."

"For a bit?" she repeated as she crossed her arms about her chest.

"Yup, we plan to bring her back to ole Mengsk one of these days," Jim said, his eyes darkening significantly, "After all, we've still got to properly 'thank' him for letting us borrow her."

"... And why is it he'd rather have _me_ dead than you?" she asked rhetorically.

"You're harder to ignore," Jim said simply. "Me? To him I'm just a tick, annoying and unpleasant, but you've been the big, roaring siege tank boring down on him."

"… Jim, did you just call me a siege tank?" There was a certain tone in her words that immediately rose hairs on the back of his neck in a way he hadn't felt since his wife passed.

"Only in how _he _sees you, darlin'," Jim said with a quick amendment. "You, you is a whole different kettle of fish."

"Jim?" Kerrigan asked in a flat tone.

"Yeah?"

"Shut up and just show me the ship already."

"… Right."

-o-o-o-

Jim took a moment to study the featureless purple mask obscuring everything but a pair of pale, glowing eyes staring back at him before arching a brow. "Well, evenin'. Name's Jim Raynor, what can I do for you?"

The figure paused a moment, clearly caught off guard by the man's casual greeting, before bobbing it's head in return. "Greetings. I am Admiral Rael'Zorah Vas Alarei. As I was asking your… Captain I do believe it was? Are you in need of assistance returning to Alliance space, or to the nearest Mass Relay?"

Jim blinked a moment, before glancing over at Matt, then Kerrigan, who shrugged her shoulders back at him, before looking back at the alien. "Well, Admiral, I kinda have two questions about that…"

"I can assure you, Commander, that despite the _rumors_ to the contrary, quarians are _not_ thieves and grifters," the admiral responded with a slight edge of irritation in his voice.

"Well, make that three," Jim amended, "What Alliance? What's a Mass Relay? And what's a quarian?"

"… I was told that human's had bizarre senses of humor, but really…" Rael'Zorah's eyes narrowed behind his visor.

"No, really," Jim shrugged a bit as he responded. "I mean, I know protoss, I'm familiar with zerg," he glanced unconsciously at Kerrigan who shrank lightly back at the look, "But, never heard of a quarian. Or an Alliance big enough to have its space. Not even a Mass Relay. Matt?"

"No sir," Matt agreed with a shake of his head. "As far as I was aware, the only the protoss and zerg besides us terran. And I've never heard of the Dominion, the UED or even the Confederacy ever really called an alliance of any kind."

"Sarah?" He turned his head and glanced over at the quiet woman.

"Xel'Naga. But they're not quarians," she answered simply. "Never heard of anything called Mass Relays, maybe something like a warp gate?"

"Protoss? Zerg?" Rael tilted his head to the side as he eyed the three warily. "...Again, is this some kind of human idea of a joke?"

"Fraid not," Jim scratched his cheek lightly as his brow furrowed a bit and thought. "Though… Oh, hell."

"Sir?" Matt glanced at Jim a moment, noting the way Kerrigan had looked at him much the same.

"Punch up the comm to the lab, Matt," Jim stated simply before giving an apologetic look at Rael. "Give us just a moment, Admiral, we're trying to clarify how far down the rabbit hole we've jumped."

"… Very well," the man, at least, Jim assumed it was a he, stated as he crossed his arms about his chest and watched the group warily.

"Cowboy, you better have a damned good reason for me to not go and use Stettman as a pin for the bowling team," Swann's voice said with a growl over the comm.

"I really must protest all the threats of gross bodily harm!" Egon's voice spoke up from the background. "I like my body how it is!"

"I don't know, Chief Engineer Swann's threat was much more creative than Commander Raynor's," the Adjutant said agreeably.

Jim paused a moment, before glancing back at where the pale, glowing eyes of the quarian admiral were blinking rapidly, before sighing softly and looking back at the comm. "Look, we can decide who does what to Stettman later. Adjutant how far are you into proving your hypothesis?"

"It is rather difficult. Most of our sensors were heavily damaged during the… transition. I assume this has to do with the unknown vessel that hailed us?"

"Yup, species we've never encountered before, that claims to have encountered humans before talking about something call the Alliance and Mass Relays."

There was a pause as silence filled the air, before Swann's voice grunted lightly over the comm. "I'll give you this, life with you involved sure as hell ain't boring, Jimbo."

"Ain't that the damned truth," Jim muttered softly before looking back towards the still blinking Rael. "Well, Admiral, we appear to be a bit… lost. Don't suppose you've ever encountered anything like this ship before?"

There was a moment's pause as if he was debating an answer, before slowly he spoke, skepticism heavy in his voice, "Are you attempting to infer that you are human, but not native to our galaxy?"

"I think we're attempting to infer we're from a bit further off, but that could just be me," Jim said with a shrug.

"Correct and incorrect, commander," the adjutant said quickly. "The presence of humans implies that this is the same relative galaxy of origin, yet, at the same time…"

"You know I'll just get a headache if you try to explain all that," Jim muttered sourly before glancing around towards what he was guessing was a speculative looking Rael. "So, Admiral, mind if we borrow a star map?"

"Commander..." There was a pause as the figure seemed to collect himself. "Are you attempting to state you're from some sort of... of..."

"The term terrans colloquially use would be 'alternate dimensions,'" the adjutant offered helpfully, through the comm.

"I... I..." Rael struggled for a moment, attempting to come up with the proper words, before finally speaking. "Are you attempting to tell me, that instead of being some kind of special Alliance secret project, you're actually? That... Do you truly expect me to believe this?"

"Well, I'm just telling how it could be," Jim said and shrugged his shoulders before glancing around him. "We honestly have no clue what happened, we're just graspin' at straws here. And I can tell you, that before you came on that screen, I'd never heard of anything called a quarian before."

"Turian then? Asari? Salarian? Krogan?" There was a slight tone of desperation as the figure studied their appearances intently through the limited scope of the communications array. "Hanar? Drell? Elcor?"

"Are those... what, worlds? Languages?" Jim glanced over at Matt, before Sarah quietly cleared her throat.

"He means... Species, Jim. Those are each species," Sarah said quietly as she stared intently at the screen. "Am I correct, Admiral?"

"Yes." Rael's voice was a soft confirmation, filled with a sense of overwhelmed confusion and disbelief.

Jim took a moment, staring back at Sarah blankly for a moment, before the full implications of those words finally hit him. "Well.. Sure as hell doesn't look like we're in Kansas anymore."

"Sir, I think that's more than an understatement," Matt agreed quietly.


	56. Naruto: Kunoichi Summoning Contract

Title: Kunoichi Summoning

Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Kishimoto

Notes: Yes. I am that kind of insane.

-o-o-o-

"Sasuke, are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Naruto Uzumaki was grinning, broadly at his teammate, his hands rubbing together in a manner that almost always spoke of the blond's particular manner of mischief.

"… I seriously, seriously hope not." Sasuke Uchiha countered flatly with a shake of his head. "That would mean either you finally grew a brain, or somehow I'd lost mine."

"Hmph! Just because you have no respect for how awesome I am…!" Naruto was cut off, as the first of his other teammate impacted on the top of his skull.

"Oh, shut up Naruto! Stop being an idiot already!" Sakura Haruno growled out as she glared down at the boy, almost buried in the dirt in front of her.

"But Sakura-chaaaaaaaan! It's a really awesome idea!" Naruto whined softly as he stared up eagerly at the girl, blinking slightly, as he couldn't help but blurt out. "You know, I can see panty lines on those shorts of yours, right?"

"…" Sakura blinked, then blushed brilliantly red as her emerald eyes sparked in anger as she realized he was looking up her dress. "YOU PERVERT!"

Sasuke sighed slightly as he watched Sakura proceed to violently assault their teammate, his face caught in his palm as he could literally _feel _the look of sympathy the chunin at the gate was sending him even before the man spoke. "Are they always this bad?"

"… You have _No _idea," Sasuke stated flatly before sighing a bit, "Sakura, stop hitting Naruto. Naruto, stop being an idiot."

"You know that's never going to happen, Sasuke-kun," Sakura muttered softly as she glared at Naruto. "He'll always be an idiot."

"Hey!" Naruto whined in protest as he glared back at Sakura.

"True," Sasuke admitted with a sigh.

"HEY!" The protest was louder this time as his glare turned from Sakura to Sasuke before crossing his arms about his chest. "Fine! See if I share my super awesome idea now!"

"… Thank the kami for small favors then," Sasuke muttered again as he shook his head and looked back at the gate patiently.

"…" Naruto glared at Sasuke for a moment, before muttering quietly under his breath as he glared back at the gate.

"Wow, did you actually manage to shut him up, Sasuke-kun?" Sakura stared, disbelief written on her face as she glanced from Sasuke to Naruto.

Sasuke resisted the urge to bang his head against the nearby pole as Naruto immediately shouted out an almost wordless protest. "I did until you opened your mouth."

"HEY!" Naruto shouted out once more as he glared, angrily back at Sasuke and Sakura. "Fine, you want to be that way?! I'll show you!"

"… It's time to start, just so you know." The chunin suddenly offered up as he lightly kicked the gate open, smiling innocently as Naruto immediately bolted through, all on his own.

Sasuke stared at the chunin for a moment before gritting his teeth in irritation. "… Are you _trying _ to get us failed?!"

"Hey, if your team can't keep its temper in check…" An innocent smile on his lips the man leaned back against the fence and whistled for a moment. "Aren't you going to head in?"

Glaring angrily at the man, Sasuke noted curtly before he ran into the training ground, hoping to catch up to Naruto before his teammate did something stupid and got himself, and them, eliminated, Sakura quickly following after him.

-o-o-o-

Once he'd made it a good distance past the starting gate, Naruto glanced around quickly, before furrowing his brow in concentration and bringing his hands up in a single sign. A moment later, he was surrounded by precisely 156 shadow clones. Frowning a bit, he glanced around before suddenly straightening up tall and proud. "All right, men! They've laughed at us, dismissed us, made fun of us…!"

There was a wave of murmured assent amongst the crowd of clones, before Naruto quickly cut them all with a vicious swipe of his arm. "But, no more! We'll show them! Show them all, the true awesomeness of Naruto Uzumaki!"

A smattering of cheers had begun, before one of the clones spoke up nervously. "But, Boss… do we have to go after _all_ of them? That one with the tongue was… yeah."

Naruto paused a moment, before frowning just a bit then nodding in agreement. "Right, she was way too creepy."

"And a lot of the teams didn't even have... well, you know." Another Naruto clone added quickly, while another coughed loudly.

"Coughsaugefestscough!"

"That's why some of you will transform to look like those teams! To get the teams we do go after to think they're responsible!" Naruto quickly agreed with an evil look as he rubbed his hands together.

"But, what're we gonna do when we catch em, boss?" Another clone asked quickly.

"That's where this comes in!" Naruto proclaimed proudly as he held up a scroll.

"… An empty scroll?"

"For now, but I'm gonna make it a sealing scroll! We'll seal them in it!" Naruto declared proudly.

"… Do we even know how to make a sealing scroll?" One of the clones asked worriedly. "I mean, without the book that is."

"Bah, how hard can it be?" Naruto waved his hand dismissively. "I've done it plenty of times!"

"I've got a bad feeling about this." Could be heard muttered somewhere in the group of clones.

"Oh, shut up!" Naruto grumbled slightly as he glared at them. "Just go and take care of your part of the mission!"

"Right, boss." Was muttered slightly by one of the clones before a sigh left his lips. "All right, teams of six… let's get this show on the road!"

With that, the clones raced off in different directions, as Naruto himself unraveled the scroll, produced a brush, and an ink well, then went to work.

-o-o-o-

"How are we supposed to find Naruto in here?!" Sakura hissed out as she glanced over at Sasuke, her eyes flashing angrily as she gestured to the overflowing wilderness around them.

"We will." Sasuke stated in a cold, flat tone as he leapt from one tree branch to the next.

"And if we can't?" Sakura paused, glancing around with a sudden realization. "What if... someone or something else gets him first?"

"Not going to happen." Sasuke stated with quietly gritted teeth as he focused dead ahead.

"How do you know that, Sasuke-kun?" Sakura bit into her lip as she glanced back at her teammate.

"Because I'm going to be the one to kill that idiot for this." He stated flatly in turn as he glared out into the forest in front of them.

"Ahh, right..." Sakura slowly agreed, staring back at him with a slight gleam flashing across her eyes before nodding her head in agreement. "Of course you will, Sasuke-kun."

"Hn." Sasuke grunted quietly back at the girl before suddenly whirling around as six Narutos suddenly appeared behind Sakura and grabbed ahold of her just as quickly. "What…? Naruto…? What the _Hell _ are you doing, you idiot?"

"All part of the boss' master plan!" The grin on the clone's face was somewhere between apologetic and maniacal as he lead his group back into the forest. "Don't worry about it, it'll be awesome!"

"MMMPH!" Sakura's muffled protest filled the air even as she was dragged away by the clones.

"… I swear, you idiot, if I have to rescue Sakura from your stupidity and she ends up even worse than she was before…" Sasuke's voice was a low, irritated growl as he immediately began to follow after the clones.

-o-o-o-

"Tsk… What do you want Naruto?" Shikamaru Naru grumbled as he studied the grinning blond boy in front of him, his body slumped forward, hands in his pockets.

"Well, I was thinking that you really, really don't want to do this, right?" 'Naruto' noted with an easy grin on his face as he threaded his fingers behind his head.

As Shikamaru and the 'big-boned' Chouji Akimichi nodded their heads slightly in agreement, their teammate, Ino Yamanaka immediately cut in with an angry squawk. "If you think I'm going to let you ruin my chance to show off to Sasuke-kun, you've got another thing coming, you idiot!"

"Yeah… I have no problems with it, but Ino here… well, you know how she gets." Shikamaru shrugged a bit apologetically back at Naruto.

"Yup." 'Naruto' agreed, his smile only growing. "Which is why I was planning on killing two birds with one stone."

"Huh?" Ino blinked slightly in confusion, before her eyes widened as four Narutos dropped from the forest overhead, each grabbing hold of one of her limbs and taking off. "HEY!"

"… Naruto, did you just… Kidnap, Ino?" Chouji spoke up hesitantly as he almost dropped his chips in shock.

"Yup." There was a quick nod of the head in agreement. "She have your scroll?"

"It was too troublesome to carry it ourselves." Shikamaru admitted with a grunt of acknowledgment before eying Naruto more. "What's to stop us from using you to get the scroll, and her, back?"

"Well, as I'm not really me, that'd be kind of difficult." Was the cheerful response before he glanced around. "Plus, you know… This means you've been eliminated and you lose."

"Only if we don't find Ino and get our scroll back." Chouji pointed out with a frown on his face. "And we really should."

"Well, you could." The clone agreed with another cheerful grin on his face. "Spend all that time and effort, tracking her down, getting her back, then having to listen to her for the rest of the week, nowhere to run to, nowhere to hide…"

"… Were you actually planning on having that convince us?" Shikamaru arched a brow just slightly back at 'Naruto.'

"Nah, I was just supposed to keep you distracted long enough for the rest of them to get far enough away that you can't catch them." He responded cheerfully with a grin on his face. "_Then_ I figured you'd be too lazy to try and to look for her, what with you not really having many tracking skills."

"Shika…?" Chouji spoke up, studying the way his teammate shrugged his shoulders slightly.

"What can I say? He's beaten us, we have no real way of recovering Ino until he lets her go or she escapes." Shikamaru answered back with a serious nod of his head.

"… You really, really don't want to have to do this, huh?" Chouji answered back with slightly narrowed eyes before shrugging his shoulders a bit. "Oh, woe is us, for our teammate has been cruelly kidnapped and we have no way to recover her. Whatever will we do?"

"Ham." Shikamaru muttered darkly as he mildly glared at Chouji.

"… Hey!" The Naruto clone protested. "You can't just…!"

"Can. Did." Chouji shot back cheerfully. "Have fun with Ino."

"Hmph. I'll let the boss deal with you, you'll see!" The clone insisted before suddenly vanishing in a puff of chakra smoke."

"Should we be worried?" Chouji asked with a sudden look of trepidation on his face.

"Probably. But, it's too troublesome right now. Come on, let's go find someplace to relax." Shika stated simply with a shrug of his shoulders.

-o-o-o-

It was some distance away that another trio of genin came to a stop a quickly surveyed the area. Around them, the shifting rustle of forest life pulsed tentatively back to life around them as they each stood carefully still. Finally, on an unseen signal, each of them looked at one another and nodded.

"We'll meet back up here in 30 minutes." Neji Hyuga stated flatly as he turned his cold, pale eyes to his teammates before tossing a kunai into the cold waiting earth.

"Ok!" Warm brow eyes slightly glistening, Tenten smiled slightly back at him with a quick nod of her head.

"Right!" Hand snapped back into a salute, Rock Lee nodded quickly as well.

"All right..." A cold smirk curled over Neji's lips. "GO!"

As each raced off in different directions, a group of shapes shifted slightly taking off in the direction Tenten had left for.

Tenten failed to notice them until suddenly they were landing almost on top of her. Two groups of nin, both wearing Hidden Rain symbols on their foreheads grabbed hold of her just as she pulled out a kunai in each hand. A startled hiss of breath left her lips, before she felt her weapons wrenched out of her grip.

Her weapon scrolls were pulled out and tossed away a moment later, before she suddenly erupted with a loud cry. "NEJI! LEE!"

Instantly, something was shoved into her mouth, and she could feel herself being with her wrists to her ankles, before suddenly finding herself air born.

As she struggled roughly to try and worm free of her bonds, she watched... another her? No, one of her attackers must have transformed himself to look like her. As she watched her own face wink at her and smirk behind a gag, she bit back another muffled scream as she was quickly dragged away into the distance.

The copy of herself suddenly seemed to break free from her bonds, and started struggling again. Tenten could only watch, helplessly as the scene continued to unfold, even as it faded from sight. She just had to remain calm, and try to find a way out of this. Lee and Neji would take care of the assholes, see through their plot and then come get her.

Those Rain bastards had no idea who they were messing with.

-o-o-o-

Neji grunted angrily as he easily flowed around another one of Tenten's kunai being thrown at him by one of the Rain team that had captured his teammate. The throws themselves weren't too difficult to dodge. In fact, they were amazingly simple feats compared to trying to evade them in the hands of their true mistress, but they served their purpose.

They kept slowing him down. Already the one with Tenten had just reached the edge of his byakagan. If they were allowed to get much further, then...

Suddenly, there was a blinding flash of light as one of them apparently detonated one of Tenten's flash tags. He bit back a scream of frustration as for a brief moment, the world seemed to go white. Then, with a practiced pulse of chakra, he rapidly cycled his bloodline, clearing away the momentary disorientation, only to find... nothing?

Gritting his teeth, he found Tenten's fallen equipment nearby, but no sign of his teammate, nor her kidnappers. He felt the urge to scream in frustration, but channeled it into cold, icy focus. He suddenly burst forward, jumping from tree to tree, dashing in the general direction the other team had followed.

Seconds ticked by, then, when he reached almost a minute, he caught it, on the very edge of his range. There they were, settled into the trees over a path. Already waiting to ambush someone else apparently.

As a cold smirk curled over his lips, he moved, silently up the trees behind them. Now he just had to find out where they'd hidden his teammate. A frown curled past his lips then. And she had best still be alive.

-o-o-o-

The clones carrying Tenten glanced worriedly at one another as the memories of the team that had been leading Neji towards their fall guys filtered into their minds. Nodding to one another, they resolved to make sure that the boss remembered to be more careful with exploding and flash tags in the future.

Accidentally setting them off at the wrong time could seriously, seriously fuck things up.

-o-o-o-

Dosu, Zaku and Kin each glanced at one another as they heard the rustling around them. Breaking into identical smirks, they each, casually began to ready their weapons. With a stretching twist, Kin reached down towards her senbon pouch, only to immediately jump back as a wave of kunai hurtled into the ground between her and her teammates.

The kunai followed her, and her teammates as she quickly jumped back again, then again, staying just one step ahead of the kunai. Her eyes suddenly narrowed in realization just as she felt the rope tightening on her ankle. One step ahead of the weapons, straight into a waiting trap.

Gritting her teeth, Kin's hands immediately went to a pouch where she kept a number of kunai, just in case, only to have the rope suddenly jostle off to one side, and slam her into a nearby tree, forcing her to drop the kunai in her hand and jostling the rest out of the pouch.

"Dammit! Pay more attention you idiot! You almost lost her!"

"Don't call me an idiot, you idiot!"

Kin couldn't help it, her mouth opened into an "O" of disbelief as she found herself hauled up by a pair of bickering Waterfall nin. Reaching down, she grabbed hold of some of her senbon, only to bite down a yelp as the rope suddenly went slack. Her eyes widened immediately, and she quickly tried to twist herself around as a voice shouted through the air.

"Don't drop her! Come on man! You know the boss will kill us if we mess this up!"

And then suddenly she wasn't falling. In fact, it was a rather sharp, and sudden stop that caused her to almost lose her grip on her senbon. Almost wasn't good enough for them though, as she let loose a vicious grin of triumph and cocked her arm back.

"ZANKUUKYUKUHA!"

Kin had just enough time to condemn Zaku to the pits of hell before she was slammed back into the tree and was claimed by darkness.

-o-o-o-

"YOU GOD DAMNED IDIOT!" Dosu smashed the metal covering his arm into Zaku's face. "What the hell were you thinking!?"

"We needed to get the area cleared, and I cleared it." Zaku sneered as he glared back at Dosu. "What's your problem?"

"Kin was over there!" Dosu growled out as his eye narrowed onto Zaku. "And in case you've forgotten, we need her alive and well to be able to finish this stage!"

"I'm sure she's fine." Zaku waved his hand dismissively before frowning slightly. "Where are they?"

"I don't know! That damned attack of yours sent debris falling everywhere! I can't track them by sound until it quiets down!" Dosu snapped back. "When I get my hands on those Rain bastards..."

"You've still got the scroll though, right?" Zaku asked as he glanced back at Dosu.

"Of course I've got it, but it doesn't do us a lot of..." Dosu's eye immediately widened. "Dammit! They didn't want our scroll, they just wanted to keep us from continuing!"

"... Come on! We have to go get those bastards!" Zaku snarled out as he immediately started to rush in the direction Kin had vanished in, Dosu reluctantly following him.

-o-o-o-

Naruto wasn't sure how the seal had managed to grow as large as it had. He couldn't remember a seal taking up an entire scroll before, but, then again, he hadn't tried to do one without using that boring book before. Really it just looked so much more awesome with the extra stuff added!

Nodding his head, Naruto grinned triumphantly as he set the scroll into place then paused a moment in consideration. "Wait, what if that's not enough? I better make sure I get plenty for this!"

Grinning maniacally, he quickly went to work.

-o-o-o-

Temari sighed as she watched the trio of Rain nin confront Gaara, and quietly began to inch her way backwards, placing herself a decent distance from her youngest brother. Just because he couldn't be touched, didn't mean _she_ couldn't. She'd made that mistake once already, and she wasn't about to make it again.

Then, as her eyes instinctively followed the rise of four umbrellas into the air, she barely noticed the presence approaching her. Her hand had snapped towards her fan, at the same time she felt herself being grabbed by three sets of limbs, one on each of her arms, and another across her mouth. Then the iron ring of a kunai being slammed into the back of her head.

It wasn't quite strong enough to make the world go black, but it did scatter her thoughts in a blast of pain and vertigo. She struggled, trying to make a sound over the downpour of needles thrusting into Gaara's shield. Then, she felt something harder hit and she slumped into their arms, unconscious.

-o-o-o-

Kankuro frowned as the downpour of needles stilled and the idiot began to shoot his mouth off about impossible this and impossible that. It sad how often people kept spewing the same meaningless bullshit. Shaking his head, he opened his mouth to speak as he glanced over at Temari, only immediately grab Karasu at what he saw.

"Gaara! Those Grass freaks are grabbing Temari!" Kankuro swore as he threw his puppet out just in time to watch his struggling sister vanish as the same kunoichi who'd made such a statement retrieving the proctor's kunai winked at him before vanishing.

"Then stop them," Gaara stated flatly as his sand almost boredly batted away a trio of senbon, then suddenly swam over the panicking Rain nin and picked up one of the fallen umbrellas to cover himself in the shade.

Suddenly the air exploded with blood, and at the same time, a wave of kunai struck the earth just in front of Kankuro. "I'm trying! But I need some help here!"

"Tsh. Pathetic." Gaara glared back at Kankuro, now ignoring the horrified, remaining Rain genin who had started to run away in a panic as his sand returned to his gourd. "I didn't even get to finish the rest of them."

He started to immediately rise up on his sand and flowed forward, following the direction the kunai had come from. Immediately, his sand was blocking more of the falling kunai, and brushing them aside, carelessly. As he passed Kankuro, the sand grabbed hold of the boy and his puppet and pulled them with him.

"I will not fail because you and Temari were too careless to avoid her capture," Gaara said without an ounce of emotion in his voice. "I will make their blood feed my sand."

"Um, right... How about we just focus on getting Temari back first?" Kankuro asked hopefully as he nervously glanced at the sand he was caught up in.

The glare Gaara send him immediately made him shut up, and he couldn't help but feel a swell of pity for the Grass team stupid enough to piss his little brother off. Then again, they were stupid enough to piss him off, so, they had it coming. He just hoped that they were planning on trying to hold Temari hostage for their scroll.

Otherwise.. that would really be bad.

-o-o-o-

Hinata Hyuuga shivered as she watched the scene unfolding over the bushes and her own, terrified teammates. While everyone had been focused on the doomed Rain nin, several other figures had dropped down and made off with the Suna girl. Then she'd noticed how it looked like the girl had been hit over the head by her twin, who was promptly grabbed as soon as the original was unconscious.

Then the Suna girl was struck again as the fake Temari had been moved just enough to make a convincing show. The girl's teammate turned his head just late enough to miss the real Temari vanishing into the distance. For a moment, froze, uncertain as she split her attention between the rest of the Suna team and the group stealing the real Temari and the scroll she was carrying.

"Damn, that was close," Kiba Inuzuka said with a relieved sigh and a shake of his head. "That kid... damn. Talk about a damned monster."

"That was... I believe Shikamaru would call that troublesome," Shino noted as he quietly wiped away the cold sweat that had broken out across his face.

"I... T-they..." Hinata paused a moment, not sure what to say, before glancing at Kiba and Shino, then glancing in the direction Temari had been taken. "T-that wasn't the Suna girl. T-they took her that way."

As she pointed in the direction, Kiba frowned slightly, "Wait, but we just saw her getting taken... Genjutsu?"

"I do not detect any," Shino said with a frown as his brows knitted together.

"N-no," Hinata quickly shook her head. "They replaced her. They took the real one, with their scrolls, that way."

Hinata pointed in the appropriate direction. "They... didn't look like the Grass nin."

"... Someone is attempting to instigate a confrontation between the Suna team and that grass team," Shino frowned slightly. "A risky gambit, if it is discovered, the initiator would run the danger of being the target of both teams."

"Still looks like it's working though, doesn't it?" Kiba pointed out with a smirk.

"At least until the deception is discovered," Shino countered flatly.

"Well, maybe we should follow them and see what happens?" Kiba said challengingly.

"... Do you really want to risk getting caught by that Suna nin?" Shino asked with that same cold, flat tone.

"W-well, we could try to get their scroll?" Hinata offered quietly. "I mean... we just have to free her and they'll try to recapture her and...?"

As Hinata's voice trailed off Shino and Kiba glanced at each other, then back to Hinata, before Shino slowly tilted his head to the side. "Why? We already possess both scrolls necessary."

Hinata hung her head for a moment, before quietly nodding her head. "All right."

"Aw, come on, Shino! This way we could get rid of those scrolls and make sure there's that many less people we have to deal with! That was the whole reason we came over here, remember?!" Kiba grinned, ferociously at Shino, his eyes shining. "And, isn't in our best interests to make sure we have as little competition as possible?"

"... I lodge a formal protest at this," Shino stated simply before shaking his head.

"Yeah, yeah, it'll just look better for me when they find out about it!" Kiba grinned back at Hinata and gave her a thumbs up. "Show us where they went, Hinata! I'll pick up the trail from there."

Nodding quickly, Hinata took back to the trees, before leading them to where she'd seen Temari grabbed. "They grabbed her here then... went that way." Hinata pointed out in the direction.

Kiba took a good sniff of their air, before blinking in surprise. "Wait... What the hell?! Naruto?!"

Hinata's eyes immediately widened and they locked onto Kiba. "N-Naruto-kun was with them?"

"As far as I can tell..." Kiba sniffed again and then stared incredulously. "They were _all_ him!"

"Clones," Shino stated simply and nodded his head, then frowned. "Though, I was unaware that clones could transform like that."

"We have to go make sure Naruto-kun is safe!" Hinata stated quickly, looking pleadingly at Kiba and Shino.

The pair exchanged glances, pausing a moment as they seemed to consider the situation.

"P-please?" The slight, hitching plead in Hinata's voice instantly caused their shoulders to slump as they nodded their heads.

"Very well," Shino agreed.

"Sure, Hinata," Kiba said with a nod.

"T-thank you!"

-o-o-o-

"Aw man, looks like we got company," One of the clones who was securing Temari noted with a grumble. "Wasn't Team 8 supposed to deal with... well, Team 8?"

Kiba, Shino and Hinata dropped down from the tree into the area directly in front of the the two figures.

"Naruto! What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Kiba pratically shouted as he glared at the clones.

"Wha..." One of the clones blinked, still looking like a Rain.

"How did you know?!" The other clone picked up, staring incredulously at the boy.

"Ha! You idiot! You might look different, but your scent stays the same!" Kiba pointed straight at Naruto. "So, what the hell are you guys trying to pull off!?"

The clones glanced at each other again before looking back at Kiba. "What does it look like, genius?"

"... You're attempting to use the Suna kunoichi to practice your shibari techniques and slake your lusts on?" Shino asked.

Instantly the two clones swiveled their heads around and stared at Shino, jaws dropped.

"N-n-naruto-kun!" Hinata blushed a bright crimoson, unable to look at him. "Y-you, you wouldn't... ! That... that's such a, a... n-naughty thing to do!"

"We are not!" The clones immediately protested as one of them continued, "That's a gross misrepresentation of our appreciation of the female form!"

Everyone blinked for a moment, and stared at the clone who'd spoken, including the other clone as Shino then glanced at Kiba. "Are you sure he's Naruto?"

"I know I'm wondering now," the other clone agreed with a nod.

"Hey! Dammit! It was something the old man said to that one lady that one time!" the first clone clarified.

"Oh, right, I'd forgotten about that," the second one agreed with a nervous laugh as he scratched the back of his head.

"Right, well, we're just kidnapping people and stealing their stuff so we make it to the next stage and they don't," the first clone stated and nodded his head firmly with arms crossed about his chest, "Get it right."

"You know, I like that idea, Naruto." Kiba agreed, before grinning ferally at the clones. "What about you, Shino?"

"It is reckless, and needlessly risky," Shino noted as he pushed his glasses up his nose. "It would be far easier to let Naruto take all the risk then steal everything from him and leave him to take all the blame."

"That was my point!" Kiba growled back at Shino.

"Of course it was," Shino agreed without even skipping a beat.

"It was!"

"Um, I don't think the boss would agree to that," the second clone noted as he glanced at his partner.

"Nope, can't say I see him as the type to go along with it, doesn't fit with the whole future Hokage image," the first agreed.

"Um, m-maybe we could just let them go?" Hinata asked hopefully.

"Sorry, we can't let that happen," A new voice said simply as a pair of Waterfall teams appeared in the trees above them.

"... Aw crap," Kiba said as his eyes widened and he hunched down into a defensive position.

It was then that a tagged kunai was thrown at the feet of team 8.

"Scatter!" Kiba said reflexively as he and the rest of his team all jumped away from the tag in different directions.

The tag waved limply in the air, doing nothing at all.

After a moment, Kiba blinked as he looked at the tag then up at the now empty branches, and over to the now empty area that the pair of Naruto clones had held the Suna Nin. "... Dammit! They must have been more Naruto clones!"

"So good of you to notice," Shino stated blandly, "Hinata, which direction did they go?"

Shino frowned slightly when he received no response and quickly looked around. "Hinata...?"

"... Oh, you have gotta be kidding me!" Kiba growled as he pointed towards where one of the "Waterfall" nin was waving cheekily at them with Hinata slung over his shoulder before bouncing away.

"Get back here with Hinata, you bastard!" Kiba shouted angrily as he started jumping after him, only to have the back of his jacket jerked back.

"Idiot, don't you remember how Naruto fooled the Suna team?" Shino said with a note of actual annoyance dripping into his voice. "We need to remain calm, we can easily pick up their scent again and..."

There was a quiet thudding sound of something hitting the ground not far from them.

Shino immediately froze as a quiet buzzing sound hit the edges of his senses a frighteningly familiar buzzing sound. "We... we need to go. Now."

"But, what about Hinata?" Kiba stared at Shino. "We need to find her!"

"Kiba, we _need_ to go." Shino insisted with a hiss.

"But..." Kiba protested, before Akamaru suddenly began to bark, in a loud, panicked tone in agreement.

"We have to run, before _they_ get us." Shino stated quickly pointed towards a swarm of large hornets the size of their thumbs.

"... Oh crap." Kiba knocked an early arrival off his arm and quickly began to run away from from the coming swarm. "I am going to kill Naruto for this! Can't you do some kind of bug technique on them!?"

"Those things _eat_ kikaichu," Shino stated with a shudder. "We need to get away from them, quickly."

"Dammit! That bastard planned this! He suckered us!" Kiba growled as he tried to put as much distance as he could between them and the rapidly approaching swarm.

"We will have to be better prepared when we rescue Hinata," Shino agreed.

Running in the opposite direction, the group of clones all shuddered as the memories of their compatriot hitting the hornet nest when jumping back towards Kiba and Shino to try and distract them hit them.

Being stung simultaneously by several dozen angry giant hornets was _not_ the kind of thing someone enjoyed experiencing. Still, they did feel kind of guilty about knocking Hinata out. She had tried to help them in the first stage after all.

Still, they had a mission to accomplish! And they'd make damned sure they accomplished it! They were Naruto Uzumaki after all!

-o-o-o-

Orochimaru was not pleased.

The Forest of Death was in a bedlam of chaos because apparently one of the genin teams were actually decent predators. The weak links in the majority of the teams had been kidnapped. Generally the kidnappings had taken place under the guise of one of the teams that had seemed to be chosen at random.

Normally, such an action would have been something that garnered his attention.

The problem was, they had used his current disguise's appearance to do a number of those kidnappings.

Further complicating things, was the fact that some how, almost all the teams had been lead into some kind of insane melee. The vast majority of the teams participating in the second stage were here, including the ichibi jinchuuriki who was under the impression he'd been the one to kidnap his teammate. And apparently stolen the scroll to go along with it.

Still, he could have dealt with those things, even applauded them. It's not like even the impressive abilities of the boy were truly a threat to him.

No, the real problem was that with all of the teams participating, Sasuke Uchiha's team wasn't among them. Even Kabuto's team seemed to have been dragged in, but, none of the three rookie teams were anywhere to be seen.

That just wouldn't do.

Still, he couldn't just slaughter them all. One or two little teams were fine, but enough of them? Especially the Rain teams, that meant potentially upsetting Pein. That in turn, meant turning Akatsuki's attention more fully onto him.

"Still..." He dodged out of the way of several whips of sand and frowned deeply. He couldn't let this particular bit of annoyance go quite unpunished. Konoha would know he was here soon enough, which left...

With a smirk, he twisted and flowed around the sand again, before vanishing into the mud.

All around the arena, scrolls simply vanished, disappearing with a sinewy slip of fingers as an arm would emerge from the mud. An instant later, in a flash of motion, a scroll would vanish. Most of the affected genin were completely caught unaware.

Gaara tried to crush his hand.

It wasn't really a close thing, but it was still cute that he thought he could get away with it. If he wasn't a psychotic jinchuuriki, he might've even been interested in seeing if he'd survive the cursed seal. Still, a bit too unstable and independent for his tastes.

Now, to see if he could find Sasuke before he ran out of time.

-o-o-o-

Naruto rubbed his hands together and chuckled as he watched the growing pile of girls settled into middle of the interwoven scrolls and grinned triumphantly.

"... Naruto, you idiot, what the hell are you doing?" Sasuke's voice cut in as he landed just an instant after the clones carrying a now unconscious Sakura did.

"... Winning the exam?" Naruto asked rhetorically as he grinned madly.

"How the hell is _this_ supposed to win us the exam?" Sasuke demanded as he gestured to the unconscious girls piled in the middle of the unfurled scrolls. "We still haven't even gotten both scrolls yet!"

For a moment, Naruto blinked, then pointed towards a nice, neatly stacked pile of scrolls next to him. "I already got plenty doing this."

Sasuke stared for a moment before pinching his nose. "Fine, but we still have to get to the tower, and there are going to be plenty of teams looking for us and..."

"Um, actually I think most of them are busy," Naruto said sheepishly as he scratched the back of his head. "You see, I was trying to keep everyone running around, and well..."

"Well,_ what_?!" Sasuke demanded, feeling his temper slipping dangerously tight.

"It turns out I didn't realize all my clones were leading everyone to the same spot?" Naruto said with a sheepish grin. "So, it looks like almost everyone's busy with some kind of big, battle royale."

"How the hell do you know that?" Sasuke demanded, staring at Naruto suspiciously.

"Oh, I remember it from..." Naruto blinked, then blinked again. "Huh. How did I remember what my clones did?"

"... You remember what your clones did," Sasuke repeated as he stared at Naruto, his face incredulous.

"I... guess?" Naruto blinked again. "Huh, that's funny. Never really noticed that before."

"... You are such an idiot," Sasuke growled, before throwing a kunai at the clones carrying Sakura, dispersing them both after a moment and making them drop Sakura to the ground.

"Hey! That hurt, dammit!" Naruto whined softly as he glared back at Sasuke.

"You sure as hell aren't putting her in there with the rest of them. For all we know, you made that into some kind of gigantic explosive tag!" Sasuke said with a snapping glare. "We _need _her alive and fine!"

"Oh," Naruto blushed brightly as he scratched the back of his head. "I didn't think about that."

"... I find that so thoroughly surprising," Sasuke said sarcastically and shook his head with a grunt. "... Are you actually going to try to activate that thing?"

"That was the idea," Naruto agreed as he rubbed his hands together.

"... I'm going to go over here, with Sakura," Sasuke said simply, before frowning as he picked up the scrolls. "And the scrolls."

"Bah, just you wait, it'll be awesome!" Naruto said simply with a made grin on his face as he cut his hand on a kunai just as Sasuke had grabbed Sakura and moved behind a nearby tree. "Dammit! I told you it would be awesome!"

"... You're an idiot, I'm fully expecting this to blow up everything in the area, _except_, you. I'm not lucky enough for it to take you with it," Sasuke shot back from behind the tree.

"Asshole! Just watch!" Naruto turned back to the scroll and slammed his hand down on an empty section after a couple of quick hand signs. "SEAL!"

Deep in the bowels of the seal, the Kyuubi's eyes snapped open as suddenly he could feel every ounce of his chakra suddenly being syphoned off at an alarming rate. A sudden swell of panic reached into it, as it felt itself dwindling, it's substance shrinking, it's muscles atrophying. There was no chance to resist, no chance to struggle. It was suddenly, simply gone.

In the outside world, there was a sudden flare of chaotic, pulsing swirls of yellow and crimson chakra that infused first the scroll in front of Naruto, then sprang out, arching like lightning onto the others before closing the circle surrounding the pile of unconscious kunoichi.

Sasuke was forced to cover his eyes as the explosion of chakra illuminated the forest, rising like a pillar up into the skin in a maddening twist of yellow and crimson. He could literally _feel_ the power saturating the air, a dense rolling sensation that washed over him, forcing him down, pushing him to his knees as he stared wide eyed back at Naruto. The sheer _power _was simply insane.

Then, there was a flash of brilliant orange light. Immediately, Sasuke was forced to look away, feeling the wave of power surging up even higher then suddenly coming to a final culmination that rolled over everything in the area.. When it faded, Naruto wobbled for a moment, then fell back on his ass.

In front of him the pile of girls and the overlain scrolls were gone. In their place, a single scroll, the same size as the forbidden scroll he'd stolen at Mizuki's insistence rested silently before him. Naruto stared at it for a moment, sweat dripping off his face, before grinning broadly.

"HA! I told you I was awesome!" Naruto turned his head and grinned, maniacally back at Sasuke.

"You survived, wonderful," Sasuke said flatly as he glared at Naruto. "Now, let's get the hell out of here!"

"But...!" Naruto started to protest as he wobbled lightly and slowly started to push himself up.

"Naruto, you just lit up the whole forest. Everyone is going to know where we are. We need to _go_," Sasuke growled at him. "If I have to carry Sakura..."

"I..." Naruto wobbled about and stumbled over to the scroll as he grinned back at Sasuke. "But it was so awesome!"

"... You are _such_ an idiot," Sasuke said simply, even if he did have to agree with Naruto. "Let's go already."

"Right..." Naruto grabbed the scroll as he continued to grin stupidly back at Sasuke, his eyes half crazed as he hugged it tightly to his chest. "I am so, so awesome."

"... I'm going to have to carry Sakura, aren't I?" Sasuke said rhetorically as he eyed his less than lucid teammate.

Naruto only seemed to giggle in response as he stroked the scroll.

Sasuke quickly brought Sakura onto his back, using an exertion of chakra to stick her in place before glancing at Naruto. "Dammit, come on already! We need to get to the tower!"

"We do?" Naruto blinked, owlishly at Sasuke as he paused his stroking of the scroll and stared back at his teammate with blank, unseeing eyes.

"Yes, Naruto, we do," Sasuke said with a growl. "Now, come on!"

"Ok!" Naruto said with another, drunken giggle as he hauled up the scroll and woozily began to move in the direction of the tower.

Sasuke himself fought down the urge to growl as he made certain to slap a couple of explosive tags on the on each side of the clearing, before activating them as he moved after Naruto.

They'd managed to go perhaps 20 yards before the tags exploded, causing Naruto to jump, stop, and laugh. "BOOM!"

"Yes, Naruto, boom," Sasuke agreed ,before pointing in the direction of the tower. "Now, tower."

"But... boom!" Naruto said almost petulantly.

"I'm sure you'll get plenty of chances for boom at the tower," Sasuke gritted his teeth.

"More boom at tower?" Naruto repeated woozily.

"You won't know if you don't get there."

"Tower, boom!" Naruto agreed with a grin as he tried to jump up onto a branch, only to smash his face into the tree and fall back onto his ass. "Ow."

"Fine, we'll stick to the ground, just... come on," Sasuke said as he tugged firmly on Naruto's arm and pulled him in the right direction.

"Onwards!" Naruto agreed as he held tightly onto his scroll. "The world... will see, my awesome!"

Sasuke could only feel the urge to bang his head against the tree until he lost consciousness grow to a just slightly controllable impulse.

-o-o-o-

Orochimaru wasn't sure whether he wanted to laugh or cry at the moment.

When he'd seen the massive eruption of power, tinged with the tell tail crimson of the Kyuubi's chakra, he'd known exactly where he needed to go to most likely catch up with Sasuke. It had been child's play to arrive at the site before anyone else could break away from the little mock battle. The Forest of Death had stopped being a problem for him decades ago.

Only, as soon as he reached the still smoking remnants of whatever it was that had happened, he'd make a critical and crucial mistake.

He'd opened up his senses to try and get a sense of what had happened.

Immediately he'd been ovewhelmed by the sheer overload of input coming from the chakra infused environment. Much like when the kyuubi had been unleashed on Konoha over a decade before, the elements were infused with an overwhelming surge of lingering demonic chakra. Only, on top of it was the thick, potent churn of the only a bit less potent Uzumaki chakra.

When both slammed into his senses, his world dissolved into a twisting swirl of vertigo. A hard wash of euphoria mingled with it, blasting into his thoughts, scattering them as his emotions suddenly became muted and distant. Distantly he knew he was suffering from an over saturation of chakra input, a condition that only more skilled ninjas suffered from when they attempted to open up the extra chakra senses they'd developed during or after a bijuu attack.

It was still difficult to actually organize his thoughts well enough to act on that understanding though. He was having enough trouble just forcing his feet to walk in one direction to get away from the affects. He just wanted to... study the affects a bit more. Yes, that was it, study them.

It took him the better part of an hour to wander his way out of the field of influence the chakra field and to remove enough of the field's influence to properly free himself from it's influence. When he had done it, he cursed softly as he looked around and found he had no idea just where he was. It was still so hard to concentrate

And to make matters worse, he had _no_ idea where to find Sasuke. Somehow , someway, he'd been out played. He wasn't sure how, but he had.

He still didn't know if that made him want to laugh or cry.

All he knew, was that somehow, someway, someone was going to pay for this.

He was going to make damned sure of it.

-o-o-o-

"... Aw FUCK! DAMN YOU, NARUTO!" Kiba snarled as he stared at what had to be ground zero of whatever it was Naruto had done, and more specifically at where Akamaru was tumbling and tripping around as he tried to chase his own tail.

Shino swayed back and forth, his kikaichu floating lazily around his body in a light, hazy cloud. "Language, Kiba."

"This is so, so not cool," Kiba whined softly as he stared longingly in the direction he could smell Naruto had vanished in, before glancing back at his utterly disabled partner and teammate.

"Very warm!" Shino agreed before tilting his head to the side. "We could strip."

"... wha...? NO!" Kiba immediately protested.

"... Why not?" Shino asked in confusion as he paused in his struggle to undo the fastens of his jacket.

"No, no we wouldn't!" Kiba quickly shook his head as he pulled Shino's hands away from his jacket.

"But..." Shino's brow knitted even tighter in confusion.

"NO!"

"You're no fun," Shino said simply as he stared back at Kiba as Akamaru paused in his chase long enough to bark in agreement before resuming his chase.

"I'm no fun? _I'm_ the one who'd no fun?! You're the KING of No Fun!" Kiba yelled, before rubbing his face as he looked around. "It's... gotta be something in the air. Ok. Back the way we came then."

"Why? I find this place quite… pleasant." Shino said, with a buzzing agreement of his kikaichu as Akamaru finally fell down and rolled onto his back, staring up at the canopy. "Very warm and fuzzy."

"... Warm and fuzzies are bad here!" Kiba said quickly. "Very, very bad!"

"... They are?" Shino furrowed his brow in confusion. "You sure?"

"Yes! Very sure!" Kiba agreed quickly. "We need to go, NOW!"

"But..."

"Now!"

"Fine, you're such a stick in the mud, Kiba," Shino said with a slight irritation before he began to drunkenly walk back the way they'd come, only to suddenly turn a full 90 degrees to his right and try to walk up a tree.

Unfortunately, his chakra control was apparently severely lacking and as Kiba picked up a whining Akamaru, he kept putting his feet up the tree trunk, and then having them slip off when he tried to take a step.

"... Oh, I am so, so going to kill you, Naruto," Kiba said with a soft growl as he moved to help his teammate get away from the area to recover.

-o-o-o-

"Boom?" Naruto asked hopefully, still hugging tight against the scroll tightly as he stared hopefully at Sasuke.

Sasuke ignored Naruto for a moment, staring up at the message above them, before frowning lightly as he looked at a pair of scrolls in his hands. Sighing softly, he turned, almost as if he was about to hand it to Naruto. Then, he seemed to change his mind as he reached down and shook Sakura.

"Sakura, wake up."

"You said boom," Naruto half whined as he pouted back at Sasuke.

"Wake up, Sakura," Sasuke hissed as he shook Sakura a bit more firmly until she began to groan and her eyes slowly fluttered open.

"Ugh... Wha...? Sasuke-kun?" Sakura groaned softly as her eyes fluttered open. "I... NARUTO!"

"Boom?" Naruto asked hopefully as he kept the scroll clutched tightly to his chest, before staring at Sakura's face, before nodding his head. "Sakura-chan boom."

Sasuke's lips twitched, just slightly. "Maybe later. Right now, I need you to help me by opening this scroll."

Sakura's eyes widened as she stared at the Heaven scroll handed to her. "Wait, but.. what?! They told us we weren't supposed to open the scrolls!"

"They told us not to open them _before_ we got to the tower," Sasuke reminded her as he held up an Earth scroll.

"You got an Earth scroll!?" Sakura practically squealed. "You're so awesome, Sasuke-kun!"

"Actually, all of these scrolls..." Sasuke gestured to the small pile of scrolls he'd left on the ground near them.

"Oh, wow, you're absolutely amazing!" Sakura's eyes lit up in worship as she stared at him. "And to have rescued me from that idiot Naruto!"

"... Were gathered by Naruto," Sasuke finished flatly as he shook his head in irritation. "That _idiot_ was the one who got all of them, and got the rest of the teams all fighting each other."

"Wait, what?!" Sakura stared at Sasuke, eyes wide. "But, but... he's an idiot!"

"Sakura-chan, mean," Naruto pouted lightly as he flopped down and huffed.

"I mean... _look_ at him," Sakura stated simply as she gestured at Naruto.

"I am," Sasuke stated simply as he frowned, remembering the display Naruto had released when he'd created the scroll he held so tightly. "I finally am."

"Then you can see what kind of idiot he is!" Sakura huffed back.

"No, Sakura, I can..." Sasuke paused a moment, before grimacing in disgust as he gave her a look of pure, cold, loathing. "Never mind, just open your scroll so we can end this."

"But..." Sakura flinched back at the look he gave her.

"Open your scroll," Sasuke said flatly as he prepared to open up his own.

Wordlessly Sakura nodded her head, and couldn't bring herself to look at Sasuke as she unfurled her scroll as he unfurled his.

When they began to react, Sasuke quickly shouted out. "They're for some kind of summoning! Toss them away!"

Both Sakura and Sasuke tossed their scrolls in front of them and jumped back as a sudden explosion of smoke blocked their view.

"Boom!" Naruto shouted agreeably before laughing as he clapped his hands together.

The smoke immediately began to dissipate, leading to the revelation of the familiar figure of one Iruka Umino, their Academy instructor.

"Congratulations, you're the first team to arrive!" Iruka stated simply, before frowning slightly as Naruto giggled and waved at him from where he rocked against his scroll. "... Naruto, are you all right?"

"Biiiiiig boom, with pretty lights. So, so awesome!" Naruto nodded his head enthusiastically with a giggle.

"He did... something. In the forest," Sasuke said with what looked like an almost worried glance towards Naruto. "That big light show. When he finished... he's been like this ever since."

"That was Naruto?" Iruka said with a blink, his eyes wide. "That... What did he do?!"

"What light show?!" Sakura half demanded as she stared at Sasuke.

"How could you miss it? We could see it even _outside_ the forest," Iruka asked in confusion. "Surely if Naruto did it..."

"She was unconscious at the time," Sasuke said simply.

Sakura scowled back at Naruto. "He knocked me out!"

"If he hadn't, you'd have probably tried to hit him and ruined things," Sasuke said with a snort as he crossed his arms about his chest.

"... Where did Naruto get that scroll?" Iruka asked suddenly as he noticed the massive item Naruto was hugging tightly to his chest.

"Can we please get him checked out, first? He's acting like even more of an idiot that he usually does and I want to make sure this isn't permanent," Sasuke suddenly said as he glared lightly at Iruka and Sakura.

"Right," Iruka shook his head, "I'll go get... I'll get your teacher and then alert the medic nin, bring Naruto into the tower."

Sasuke nodded as he then walked over and picked up the small pile of scrolls Naruto had collected.

Upon seeing them, Iruka blinked lightly and stared at the boy in disbelief. "You managed to gather that many scrolls? In so little time? That's certainly impressive."

He grunted softly and shook his head. "I didn't. Naruto did."

Iruka blinked and stopped for a moment as he stared back at Sasuke, "... Really?"

"Weren't you going to get Kakashi-sensei and some med nins?" Sasuke asked in irritation.

"Right!" Iruka colored lightly as he nodded his head and quickly vanished in a swirl of leaves.

"Come on, Naruto, we need to get inside," Sasuke said simply as he gave his teammate a look.

"... More boom?" Naruto asked hopefully as unsteadily wobbled back to his feet.

"Maybe," Sasuke agreed as he noticed just how tired Naruto looked, his eyes sunken in and baggy, his eye lids drooping a bit.

"Want boom," Naruto said stubbornly.

"I know," Sasuke paused a moment, his lips twitching just a bit. "Maybe we can blow Sakura up."

"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura gasped, half outraged, half fearful as she stared at him.

"Sakura boom, bad," Naruto shook his head quickly as he cringed a bit away from Sakura.

"A pity," Sasuke said with a completely straight face.

A few moments later, they found themselves at an open, indoor arena, standing next to a set of stands. A pair of statues on either end of the arena were distanced by a simple dirt floor. A simple railing distanced the spectator stands from the edge, with a set of stairs leading down.

It was there that Kakashi met them.

"Ah, hello, my wonderful, talented, cute little students who just made me so much money!" Kakashi greeted cheerfully as he rubbed his hands together happily. "How can your much wealthier and beloved sensei help you today?"

"... Kakashi boom?" Naruto asked hopefully.

Instantly Kakashi vanished in a swirl of leaves, and reappeared a good 20 feet distance from them, a look of carefully controlled wariness in his face as he eyed Naruto like he had suddenly turned into a hungry tiger. "... Ok, how did Naruto manage to pick up chakra exhaustion in just a few hours?"

"Chakra exhaustion? But..." Sakura looked confused. "When you got chakra exhaustion you couldn't even move! And why'd you jump back there, sensei?"

"And that's how chakra exhaustion works for 99.999 and probably a good bit further, percent of the population," Kakashi agreed quickly. "That's _not_ how it works for Uzumaki."

"Uzumaki?" Naruto perked up and looked expectantly at Sasuke. "Boom time?"

"No!" Kakashi said quickly and shook his head. "No boom time!"

"... No boom time?" Naruto's eyes seemed to tremble and glisten as he turned his gaze into Kakashi and stared, his lower lip trembling.

"Naruto's the cause of the big... light show earlier. He's been like this ever since," Sasuke said simply. "He's been like this ever since."

"... How much of the forest has he blown up since then?" Kakashi asked with a look of resignation on his face.

"None," Sasuke responded simply.

Instantly Kakashi's eyes widened in horror. "None...? He hasn't blown... anything up yet?"

"Not a thing," Sasuke agreed with a nod.

"... Oh, that's not good," Kakashi watched Naruto as he continued to clutch tightly on his scroll and giggled lightly. "Wait... where did he get that?"

"The scroll? Sasuke-kun wouldn't say," Sakura piped up quickly.

"My awesome!" Naruto clutched tighter on the scroll as his eyes flared maniacally. "Mine!"

Kakashi stared at Naruto for a moment, before slowly looking at Sasuke and then Sakura. "... This is either very, very good, or oh sweet kami, whyyyyyy bad."

"How bad could it be, sensei?" Sakura asked innocently.

"... I've seen an Uzumaki go into chakra exhaustion 3 times in my life. The first time, Kumo had an entire division of troops blown into oblivion. The second time, they created a seal that made it snow in the middle of summer, and refused to let anyone touch it until they'd gotten their senses back. The third time... it took almost everyone my age a week before they could grow their eyebrows back."

"Well, this is Naruto, so, what's the worst that could happen?" Sakura half shrugged her shoulders.

"... All three of those incidents, the Uzumaki involved was his mother," Kakashi said simply as he continued to watch Naruto warily. "So, he's either holding onto an explosive capable of leveling all of Konoha, or he's got a seal in that's so insane, it's unnatural."

Sakura paled dramatically as Sasuke glanced over at Naruto. "Naruto?"

"... Boom time?" Naruto asked hopefully.

"Awesome go boom?" Sasuke asked simply.

Naruto's look of horror said it all as he shook his head violently and clutched the scroll tighter. "NO! No boom awesome! My awesome! Mine!"

"I don't think it's a bomb, Kakashi-sensei," Sasuke said simply with a shrug.

"Right, so insane seal, crazy enough to offset his desire to make things explode," Kakashi nodded his head quickly and seemed to relax a slight bit, before frowning lightly. "Wait... who taught Naruto how to make seals?"

Sakura and Sasuke both seemed to shrug in response.

Kakashi quickly paled again. "Oh... This is... Right."

"But.. this is Naruto!" Sakura protested quickly.

"We were told your team needed medical treatment, Kakashi-san?" A polite voice spoke up as a group of medical nin suddenly appeared behind him. "What seems to be the problem?"

"... I've got an Uzumaki with chakra exhaustion," Kakashi said simply as he gave Sakura a light glare and then turned to look at the various med nin.

The two senior members immediately paled, as one glanced nervously at Naruto. "You have gotten rid of his explosive tags, right?"

"Sasuke took my boom," Naruto affirmed with a pout and a light glare at Sasuke.

"I didn't want to be boomed," Sasuke said flatly.

"No fair," Naruto huffed lightly. "Sasuke boomed and then took my boom."

"No way in hell I was letting him boom again," Sasuke said flatly. "You got your huge boom, remember?"

"Awesome, not boom!" Naruto hissed vehemently.

"... Uzumaki Chakra exhaustion?" One of the younger medic nin asked warily as he looked at Naruto coldly. " How is it different from regular chakra exhaustion?"

"They're Uzumaki," one of the elder's grunted. "Their body's are too damned stubborn to shut down, so instead, generally only the simplest cognitive functions remain... Typically, they orient entirely around making things explode."

"Boom!" Naruto agreed with a light cackle.

"Case in point," the med-nin said simply and gestured to Naruto. "As long as no one gives them any explosive tags or leaves them near brush and chakra paper, they're generally harmless. If someone will give him a soldier pill, it should knock him right out."

"But... soldier pills are designed to stimulate..." Sakura spoke up in confusion.

"Generally, yes, but with Uzumaki, they supply just enough chakra to trick their bodies into realizing they should sleep now," he said with a shrug before pulling out a pill. "The only trick is getting them to actually take it."

"No pill, boom!" Naruto agreed again with a frown.

"Well, Sasuke, Sakura, as your team leader it falls on me to do this," Kakashi smiled at them both. "I hereby order you both to get Naruto to take his pill."

Sakura blinked a moment and stared back at Kakashi. "What?! But isn't it your responsibility as our sensei to see to our well being?!"

"Yes, but this isn't a matter of life or death, so I'm regulating the duty to you too," Kakashi said reasonably. "Think of it as training."

"That's not training! That's baby sitting! You heard Sasuke-kun! He's out of tags, what're you so afraid of? He's just Naruto!" she argued back.

"Exactly, he's Naruto. As in Naruto Uzumaki," Kakashi agreed with a sage nod. "And he is most definitely his mother's son."

Sasuke only glanced at the two for a moment, as they continued to bicker back and forth, before taking the soldier pill from the soldier walking over to Naruto and giving him a glare. "Pill. Now."

"Nu uh!" Naruto shook his head, mouth clamping shut.

"Pill or Awesome go boom."

"... Boom my Awesome?" Naruto's eyes trembled as he stared back at Sasuke.

"And you wouldn't even get to watch," he said with a nod.

"But, but, but... My Awesome No Boom!"

"Then Pill," Sasuke said simply.

Naruto pouted back at Sasuke, giving him a look of utter betrayal, before reluctantly opening his mouth. Sasuke lightly flicked the pill into said mouth, before crossing his arms about his chest. "Swallow."

Making a face, Naruto made a show of doing just that, before sullenly glaring at him for a moment. Nodding his head, Sasuke glanced over at the blinking rest of his team and med-nin. "What? I dealt with him like that for the last hour."

Naruto suddenly wobbled a moment, took a step, then fell forward, landing against Sasuke and some how managing to knock the both of them down as he began to snore atop him.

"Well, that's one way of dealing with things," Kakashi noted with a bright smile and a nod of his head.

"Will someone get this idiot off me?" Sasuke said irritably as he looked around, before blushing slightly as he saw the position Naruto had managed to get them into. "Now?"

"S-sasuke-kun... and Naruto... and..." Sakura blushed brightly as a slight drip of blood appeared at her nose, and her eyes glazed over.

"Oh, well now that's going to be an interesting development," Kakashi said with a bright smile before giggling lightly as he shook his head. "Sasuke, who knew? Your forbidden love of your team mate!"

The slight drip of blood exploded out of Sakura's nose as she fell back and fainted into unconsciousness.

"... I so, so hate you," Sasuke growled out as he glared back up at Kakashi.

"What's that, my cute little student? You want to volunteer to do a whole week of D-ranks at the retirement homes as soon as the exam is over? May the kami be praised at your selflessness," Kakashi clapped his hands together and bowed to his student.

"... I'm sure there are a number of interns that would be thanking you for you volunteering, Uchiha-san," one of the med-nin's said with a completely straight face. "Why, the smell alone..."

"Hakate-san, wouldn't that mean that Uzumaki-san would be doing those D-ranks as well?" one of the elders said delicately.

"Yes, is there some... issue with that, medic-san?" Kakashi smiled a tight, dangerous smile back at the man.

"... I was merely going to point out that he is, in fact, an Uzumaki, and one already known for his pranking tendency," the man said simply. "And the fact that the Hospital implemented a No-Uzumaki for D-Ranks policy after Kushina-san's little... tantrum."

"Then I'm sure Sasuke-kun here will be volunteering for something equally... selfless."

Sasuke glared back at Kakashi for a long moment, before suddenly just _grinning _up at his teacher. It was not a pleasant grin. In fact, Kakashi had to admit, he couldn't recall an Uchiha's grin ever disturbing him like that.

It was an odd mix of Obito, Kushina, and Naruto all rolled into one.

And it sent a shiver of dread down his spine.

"... Was there something you wanted to say, Sasuke?" he didn't really want to ask, he really truly didn't, but..

"Oh, I was just thinking... I'm the only one who witnessed whatever it was that Naruto did to drain himself like that," Kakashi immediately felt his stomach get uncomfortably heavy, "And, wasn't he listening to me while he was like that?" The heaviness suddenly grew. "Why... if he gets in a state like that again... Why, who knows what could happen if I'm not able to... keep him properly.. directed?"

"That, my cute little Uchiha-kun, was evil, vindictive and utterly sadisticly creative," Kakashi said with a bright smile. "I, and I'm sure Naruto does as well, approve."

There was a pause, before his eye suddenly gleamed. "But if you even think about trying to pull something like that on me, I will wreck a bloody vengeance upon you the likes of which has not been seen since the Reign of the Bloody Habenero. Am I clear?"

The two older med-nin shivered in unison as one took pity on the confused looking Sasuke and spoke. "It's a bad thing. Trust me. It would be a very, very bad thing."

"That's nice... now would someone _please _get Naruto off me?" Sasuke asked with a return of irritation.

"What, before I have the chance to take photos?!" Kakashi asked, looking completely offended at the very thought.

Sasuke's expression was less than pleased.

-o-o-o-

Hiruzen Sarutobi, Third Hokage of Konohagakure stared at the assembled chunin, jounin, and various members of the ANBU forces as he took a moment to collect himself before he slowly spoke again. "So, you're telling me that out of the 26 teams that were entered into the Chunin exams, only _1_ team managed to complete the test?"

"Yes, Sir," Anko agreed as she sheepishly rubbed the back of her neck. "I mean... We've never had that kind of problem with the test before! We've run it plenty of times!"

"And this was confirmed by the tally of scrolls collected by the winning team, as well as those we confirmed as destroyed," Anko agreed with a nod of her head. "There simply aren't any matched pairs left in play to allow any of the other teams to advance."

"... Was the team that passed, by any chance Kakashi's Team?" Sarutobi asked, a familiar sensation starting to pulse at the back of his eyes.

"Yes, Sir," Anko agreed with a nod.

"And do we have any further information on what that pillar of chakra was?" Sarutobi asked patiently.

"No, Sir," this time is was Ibiki Morino speaking up. "Uzumaki remains unconscious at this time, and Uchiha remains adamant that he has no clue what Uzumaki did, only that it resulted in the creation of the scroll he refuses to release despite being unconscious, and coincides with the still missing kunoichi."

"... Wonderful," Sarutobi sighed and slowly rubbed his face in annoyance, "And any sign of Orochimaru?"

"He apparently reached the site of the chakra incident," Tsume Inuzuka spoke up, before chuckling softly. "Then he apparently spent an hour or so wandering aimlessly around. Based on what Kiba said Akamaru and Shibi's boy Shino experienced, I imagine he got a major blast of it himself."

Reaching down into his desk, the Hokage produced a small bottle of sake and and cup, before pouring himself a generous portion and taking a slow, long sip of it to calm his nerves. "I see. We do still have the release forms, yes?"

"Right here, boss," Anko agreed as she carefully set them down onto the desk.

"Good, good," he nodded his head and took a sip of sake after he spoke. "Well, that deals with the foreign shinobi, even if we hadn't had domestic teams affected. Mmm..."

"Sir, what about our missing genin?" Kurenai asked as she stared back at the quietly drinking man.

"We will have to wait for Naruto to awaken for that," he said helplessly and shrugged.

"... Then what's going to be done to him?" Kurenai couldn't help but ask, immediately drawing every pair of eyes onto her.

Sarutobi stilled a moment as he paused his cup just before his lips, before tilting his head to the side. "... Done, Yuuhi-san? Are you trying to imply that Naruto did something that broke the rules?"

"Sir, he targeted Konoha shinobi as well as..." Kurenai spoke up in protest.

"Anko," he said quietly, cutting off Kurenai's protest in the middle. "Tell me, what were the rules of the exam?"

"Um, there weren't any?"Anko stated simply as she glanced, nervously towards Kurenai.

"And what disqualified a team from the exam?" he continued, his eyes still staring back at Kurenai.

"Um, one of your teammates being unable to finish the exam, not arriving at the tower with your full team, and trying to open a scroll before reaching the tower," Anko listed off.

"And were there any limitations on how someone could disqualify another team? Or, any limitations on who they could target?"

"No, Hokage-sama."

"Asuma," he said as he shifted his attention to his son. "Did you tell your students they were not to target Konoha shinobi in any of the stages?"

"No, Hokage-sama," Asuma admitted with a grimace.

"Gai?"

"No, Hokage-sama, I did not," Gai Maito said with a frown.

"Yuuhi-san? Did you tell your team they couldn't target other Konoha shinobi?" Sarutobi asked pointedly as he stared at the woman, who immediately bowed her head with a blush.

"No, Hokage-sama."

"Kakashi?"

"Nope," Kakashi shrugged his shoulders a bit. "No such order was given by me."

"So, please, do explain to me, Yuuhi-san, exactly why Naruto would be punished for following the rules?" he paused for a moment, taking another slow sip of his sake. "And in fact, did so in such a way that completely eliminated the competition from the equation?"

"I... apologize, Hokage-sama, I was mistaken," Kurenai murmured with a blush as she bowed her head.

"Or, perhaps you are telling me you were unprepared to lose a soldier to these exams?" Sarutobi asked in a bland tone of voice. "The kind of thing that happens quite often in these exams?"

"No, Hokage-sama." Kurenai's head bowed even deeper.

Sarutobi's face softened lightly before he shook his head. "I sympathize with your position, Yuuhi-san, I truly, do. However, Naruto would hardly be the first chunin prospect to eliminate people from his own village, either by intent or accident.

"Naruto played the game we set up for him. He played it more brilliantly than we imagined. He correctly deducted that the more teams in play, the more competition that his team would be forced to face when they reached the next stage."

He paused before he took another sip, finishing off the cup of sake entirely before setting it back down onto the desk. "Which puts us in quite a predicament. Kakashi, do you believe your team is ready to be chunin?"

"Mmm," Kakashi paused a moment as he seemed to consider the man's words thoughtfully as he tapped his chin. "Potentially yes, potentially no."

"I see," Sarutobi said as he lightly stroked his chin for a moment in thought. "Unfortunately, we cannot have a third stage with just a single team."

"And, putting Team 7 through another second stage wouldn't really be very unbiased," Kakashi pointed out quickly.

"As far as Team 7 is concerned, Naruto will already be receiving a chunin vest for his actions," Sarutobi sighed as he rubbed his face as he cut off a number of protests that had started to crop up. "No, I agree he isn't ready for it. However, it would be an insult to the other villages competing in the exam if the individual responsible for eliminating their teams, single handedly, wasn't promoted."

"There is also the fact that Uchiha was able to successfully do the impossible," one of the elder med-nin who'd arrived to help Naruto stated, "He was able to keep his teammate contained for an entire hour after the effects of the chakra exhaustion began, as well as convincing him to willingly take a soldier pill."

Sarutobi blinked at that, before looking, questioningly at Kakashi. "Truly?"

"He also made a vague and explicit threat about getting the Uzumaki exhausted again, and then about potentially unleashing him on Kakashi-san, when Kakashi-san refused to help him after his teammate had collapsed atop him," the med-nin said helpfully.

"It was so cute the way he came up with such a wonderfully vague threat about such very dreadfully specific things. Officially, there's no way I could actually pin it on him as a threat," Kakashi said as he mimed wiping a tear from his eye. "Obito would've been so proud!"

"Very well, Sasuke and Naruto will both be promoted to chunin," Sarutobi said with a nod of his head and a sigh. "Naruto has proven he has some skills worthy of being chunin. And I'm sure he would've made a fine showing at the finals. As it stands, the main thing holding him back is his lack of proper foresight."

"He also stole all our teams' kunoichi," Asuma muttered slightly with a shake of his head, "That's damned sneaky."

"Oh, my most youthful flower, Tenten! If I cannot rescue you, I will…!" Gai immediately began to shout before Sarutobi cut him off.

"Now is not the time, Gai," Sarutobi stated simply as he lightly rubbed his temples. "For now, we will see about organizing a new second exam with the remaining teams. "Was there any other matters to discuss?"

"Well, there is the matter of… the pool," Kakashi said with a bright smile as around him, the other jounin instructors groaned out. "_My_ team was the only one that made it past the second stage after all."

Grumbling loudly, a number of the jounin and others began to slap money into Kakashi's hand. Smiling happily, Kakashi almost started to make a show of counting out the money, before noting the various looks coming his way. "I think… I'm going to go check on my team. Have a good day!"

"… They're only going to become more of a headache for the rest of us, aren't they?" Asuma asked rhetorically as he glanced at his father, the Hokage.

"You have no idea," Sarutobi stated simply as he poured himself another cup of sake. "You truly have no idea."

-o-o-o-

Naruto blinked in confusion as he found himself standing in what seemed to be a dried up sewer, only a trickle of water flowing through it, with hazy memories of how he got there. In fact, everything after he had performed the sealing in the forest was rather hazy. He was, however, rather certain that he hadn't gone into a sewer.

"YOU!"

He jumped lightly as he heard the voice, dripping with venomous anger roared out, echoing through the confines of the sewer.

"What?!" His own yell was more of surprise, and lacked the majority of the accusation's volume.

"What did you do?!" Angry, crimson eyes burned down at Naruto from behind a barred gate as a massive, almost skeletally thin fox glared at him, flesh lightly hanging loose from his frame.

"Wha… huh?" Naruto blinked a moment, then stared back at the creature for a moment. "Who the hell are you?"

"Brat! How dare you talk to me like that! After you almost killed us both!" the beast growled out as it slammed forward into the bars. "Stealing my power! Leaving me like this!"

"… Kyuubi?" Naruto asked half warily, half disbelievingly.

"WHAT OTHER BIJUU WOULD BE SEALED INSIDE OF YOU!?" the beast roared in rage, before angrily pacing about. "It was bad enough being sealed into the wife of that man's rival, it was bad enough being sealed in that woman that succeeded her.

"It was bad enough that I was put under the influence of those damned eyes again. It was bad enough that when I was _finally, finally_ free, I was sealed up inside of a sniveling brat like you! But now, now you're trying to kill us _both _with your infinite stupidity!" the fox roared back at him as it lashed futilely at his cage.

"But… I didn't try to kill you?" Naruto offered hopefully.

"YOU STOLE ALMOST ALL OF MY CHAKRA! You drained yourself DRY! Do you have any idea what would have happened to you if you weren't an Uzumaki?!"

"Um… No?" Naruto answered honestly, still reeling from the beast's berating screams.

"YOU WOULD HAVE DIED!" the beast roared again. "And if you die, _I _die! Having my life tied to a worthless, foolish incompetent! Grrrr…! At least with your mother I didn't have to worry about dying with her when she was doing something so monumentally stupid!"

"Wha…?" Naruto blinked, then stared at the Kyuubi with a start. "My mother? What?!"

"What?" That brought the kyuubi up short for a moment before it slammed against the cage and glared at him. "No! I won't be distracted! That damned bastard of a father of yours bound my life to yours, and I'll be _damned_ if I die in some pathetically misguided attempt for attention! I am the Kyuubi No Kitsune! I will not! Do you hear me I won't!"

"Wait, father…? But I thought the fourth sealed you in me?" Naruto stared back at the Kyuubi, blinking lightly in utter confusion.

"And of course, to make matters worse, you are beyond incompetent, unable to catch even the slightest nuance unless you have your face shoved in it like a pile of steaming excrement!" he stalked around the edge of the cage, snapping his jaws time and time again. "At least Mito was intelligent enough to hold a proper conversation when she wasn't being a snide little bitch and Kushina at least showed a modicum of intelligence.

"You, however, have taken _everything _even half way respectable about your parents and shat them back out."

Naruto stared back at the Kyuubi, struggling to process his words as they pounded down into his mind, before summarizing them as succinctly as he could, "Huh?!"

"Why I am not surprised with you standing there, mouth hanging open like an idiot?" There was another snarl and claws weakly clashed across unyielding bars. "Worthless waste of seed! Even if it would mean my death, I still might kill you where you stood if I could!"

"Hey! I'd like to see you try, you furry bastard!" Naruto yelled back, glaring angrily at the Kyuubi.

"Why, so I can watch you throw away your life in another bout of reckless stupidity? Even now, it hasn't sunk in just what it is you did," Kyuubi snarled in disgust as he glared back at the boy. "So, I'm forced to force into your thick, primitive skull just what it is your teachers failed to do."

"Why you piece of arrogant...!"

"_SILENCE_!" the roar shook Naruto from his feet, knocking him onto his ass as the boy continued to glare, defiantly at him before it slammed a claw down into the almost empty sewer. "As I doubt you would figure it out, even if I painted the picture for you, this is the base of your chakra system."

"What're you talking about, you stupid fox?! I have way more chakra than this!" Naruto glared back up at the kyuubi.

"That's exactly the point, you little idiot!" A claw was jabbed into the almost dry channel. "Em-pty! If it wasn't for you being an Uzumaki and them somehow getting a soldier pill in your stubborn mouth, you, would, be, DEAD!"

"But… I can't die yet! I haven't become Hokage yet!"

"… He hasn't become Hokage yet," Kyuubi repeated, staring at the boy for a moment, before suddenly roaring again, "BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T BECOME HOKAGE YET?!"

"Err… yes?" Naruto blinked slightly in confusion as he stared up at the massive creature.

Immediately, the Kyuubi slammed his head into the bars and let out a screaming howl of outrage. "Stupid. Idiotic. Moronic. Imbecilic. Of course I had to be stuck with him! Guess what, you stupid little brat! You. Can. Die. Without _ever_ coming even _close _to becoming Hokage!"

"Never!" Naruto declared adamantly

"Oh? You think you're the first shinobi to have that dream, hmm? You think you're the first to have that goal? Guess, hundreds have, of them are dead and feeding the crows and worms!" Kyuubi snapped at Naruto, growling again. "Normally, I'd be happy to let you go run straight onto one of those nice, pointy metal sticks you shinobi love so much.

"Unfortunately, thanks to that bastard, I'm stuck," Kyuubi snarled softly and glared back at the boy. "Stuck inside of a foolish creature from a clan stupid enough to get themselves wiped out. One who can't even understand that he almost just killed the both of us!"

There was a pause ignored the way the boy continued to glare right back at him. "What did you even _do?!_"

"Um… I just sealed up those girls?" Naruto blinked in confusion as he knitted his brows together. "Everything… gets kinda fuzzy after that."

"… Sealed up girls," Kyuubi repeated, staring at the boy. "What, you went and sealed up a harem of thousands at once?"

"It was only like 15 or so!" Naruto insisted. "I even used a bunch of extra scrolls to make sure there was plenty of room."

Immediately, something itched at the back of the Kyuubi's mind, something he couldn't quite put his claw on, but something that he just _knew_ was damned important. But, unfortunately, he couldn't seem to figure out exactly what. He was rather certain he'd end up banging his head against the cell again when he did.

"And tell me, are you a trained in the arts of sealing, brat?" The dripping sarcasm left his thoughts on the matter rather apparent.

"Bah, who needs training? It's a buncha symbols and apply chakra to it and poof!" Naruto waved his hand dismissively.

"... A bunch of symbols, apply chakra and poof," the words were repeated with no small degree of disbelief, before visibly restraining itself from smashing its head into the bars of its cage again. "How, how in the name of the Sage, are you still _alive_?!"

"I'm just all kinds of amazing," Naruto said confidently.

Letting out a slight whimper of resignation, the mighty Kyuubi No Kitsune, strong enough to topple mountains and create tsunamis with a single swipe of his tail dropped his head down slumped. "... I'm doomed."

Naruto blinked, staring at the Kyuubi in confusion, "Huh? You should be happy!"

"... Happy, he says," Kyuubi refused to even look at the boy as he put a hand like paw up on his face. "I'm going to die, in the near future, in what I'm sure will be a particularly horrible fashion, and he wants me to be happy."

"Yup! You're going to be with me, all the way, to become the most awesome Hokage ever!" Naruto beamed back at him.

"..Doomed. Utterly doomed," the Kyuubi looked up into the dark ceiling. "Why, oh why are you punishing me like this?"

Naruto stared in confusion back at the Kyuubi, before suddenly the world seemed to darken then went black as he felt himself fully surrendering to unconsciousness.

-o-o-o-


End file.
